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It Was So Cold In January, Even The Internet Froze

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Of course, the internet can not freeze - at least not in the Old Normal world - however that is the only logical explanation we can offer in a world in which yesterday's atrocious retail sales were blamed on the weather - supposedly people stay at home, don't drive, don't go to the mall, don't shop because they have never had to engage in such activities in the winter when it snows outside - and yet online retail sales.... dropped even more? Because we know that in said world, consumption weakness can not possibly be explained by a tapped out US consumer who actually has little disposable cash left, and so we have to assume, correctly, that the weather was so bad in January, that even the Internet and online retail websites, must have frozen. There is no other explanation.

Source: Department of Commerce

 

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Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:16 | 4436375 ThatGuyEhler
ThatGuyEhler's picture

Apparently the amazon can't handle a little cold weather...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:19 | 4436383 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

they didn't have any problem with my Silver Eagle delivery

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:21 | 4436387 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

My fucking Comcrap internet freezes all the time.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:27 | 4436413 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

How much free porn was being viewed/downloaded in January?

.

Hard to do online shopping with one hand, while jerking off with the other...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:32 | 4436423 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

No. You would be surprised. It's amazingly easy to do. 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:35 | 4436433 Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

I think brains of all those ANALysts without any conscience left froze...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:19 | 4436567 fonestar
fonestar's picture

What's amusing is the amount of boneheads on Zerohedge that claim the internet is uselses, can be switched off at TBTB's will, "does not exist", is maintained by geeks who know nothing, yada, yada, yada.... and yet continue to post here on a daily basis.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 14:14 | 4436957 StackAttack
StackAttack's picture

Hey, fonestar.  Good news!  I can prove that your BTC definitely have value.  Just look what you can purchase with them. http://www.overstock.com/Jewelry-Watches/American-Coin-Treasures-1-gram-Gold-Ingot-Pendant-Necklace/2623510/product.html?searchidx=0 I would trade up right away, if I were you.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 14:26 | 4437026 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

With ice storms wrecking havoc around these parts for last few weeks, we've seen the power flicker off and not return for 9 days. Phone lines were the first thing to go. Fallen trees made the roads useless and everything unreachable except via helicopters for days. Several mobile towers were knocked out too, so no mobile signal either. As you might imagine, having instant access to gmail was not really a major concern. People having trouble getting their homes to stay warm don't loose much sleep over your precious internet obsession. And rightly so. Priorities dude.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 15:47 | 4437326 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Thanks for helping prove fonestar's point.  Many of your portfolios are entirely centered around "few weeks" after a catastrophic economic collapse, bank holiday, power outage, alien invasion etc.  

So what are your plans after that exactly?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:40 | 4436452 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

You're obviously ambidextrious.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:21 | 4436577 gtb
gtb's picture

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:23 | 4436592 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

So much Cynism- So little Time.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:23 | 4436395 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Would have been nice if the weather froze Ben's chopper like it froze AMZN's drones.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:18 | 4436380 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Clearly this is due to increased consumer confidence.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:21 | 4436382 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Al Gore's invention Froze........Priceless!!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:22 | 4436392 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Cold electrons move sluggishly. You need to pour a little hot coffee into the ethernet jack or cable connector to get things moving again.

I thought everyone knew that.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 15:46 | 4437337 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

I was pouring vodka into my neighbours wi-fi router to enjoy some free wi-fi for a while, only trouble it started demanding for a full bottle every Friday and having trouble connecting every Saturday morning.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 21:55 | 4438452 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Obviously, the token ring fell out, get under the desk and look for it. :>D

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:20 | 4436384 Dollarmedes
Dollarmedes's picture

Consumers have been saving their disposable income in a coffee can, where it can't be tracked.

They're just lulling us into a false sense of in-security BEFORE THEY POUNCE!!1!1!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:20 | 4436385 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Darn, if only the drone delivery system were up and running.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:22 | 4436389 Max Damage
Max Damage's picture

It was, the blades froze and they fell out of the sky. Bullish, means new drones needed and replacement orders required. BTFATH

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:27 | 4436402 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

Fuck Barry you deaf bastard!!!!  We'll spend MOAR.  Just send us MOAR FUCKING FOOD STAMPS YOU STUPID FUCK!!!!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:26 | 4436405 kralizec
kralizec's picture

It was so cold...I saw politicians keeping their hands in their own pockets...for the first time ever!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:28 | 4436406 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Must have got some water into teh internet tubez...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:26 | 4436407 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Isn't it awesome how dismal data sends the markets in an upward frenzy. 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:30 | 4436415 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Markets: free money > actual money

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:31 | 4436426 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

I love the sound of stampeding lemmings...

It sounds like...Victory.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:29 | 4436411 Yancey Ward
Yancey Ward's picture

Well, Winter this year did surprisingly come with the Northern Hemisphere tilted away from the Sun.  You can't expect economic forcasters to anticipate this.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:30 | 4436418 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Proof. That not only is their cash tapped out. Now their credit balances are tapped out as well......Game over !!!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:33 | 4436425 DirtyWilly
DirtyWilly's picture

If there was ever any question that the dust bowl was just a scapegoat for the Great Depression, now you know.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:58 | 4436503 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Bingo!  At a time when it was damn near impossible to grow any significant amount of wheat, what little wheat you could grow was essentially worth nothing.  Sure as hell wasn't free market supply and demand.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:35 | 4436435 HRamos_3
HRamos_3's picture

B-U-L-L-I-S-H!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:38 | 4436448 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:33 | 4436437 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

People were delaying their orders to spare the poor delivery folk. Once things warm up, all those 'orders on the sidelines' will surely be placed.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:40 | 4436457 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Time Warner sucks. Comcast sucks worse. The NSA sucks.

I hear there is good internet access in Singapore.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:07 | 4436533 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

The Chicago business propaganda rag had a headline yesterday that stated, "The Time-Warner, Comcast merger will be good for consumers."

I nearly choked on my food trying not to laugh and gasp at the same time.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:44 | 4436466 roycewinsten
roycewinsten's picture

Somebody please help me. I read the DOC data differently. It looks to me like sales were up YOY for January 2014. What am I missing? 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:48 | 4436478 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Haven't seen YoY posted much anywhere, but then again I haven't gone looking either.  But these are the MoM figures.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:21 | 4436574 roycewinsten
roycewinsten's picture

But of course January spend would be lower than December. I can tell you as a retailer myself, brick and mortar stores are losing out to online. Online business grew as a percent of sales at every retailer that has broken out numbers. Retail generally was down, of course. I believe it is because the consumer is tapped out. Disposable income is in decline as incomes remain flat-ish and expenses rise. But online shopping is taking share of wallet. There is just no doubt about that.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:44 | 4436470 asscannon101
asscannon101's picture

Of COURSE it froze- The innernet is just a series of TUBES!! Its fucking TUBES I tell 'ya!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8XSo0etBC4

 

 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:49 | 4436486 F.A. Hayek
F.A. Hayek's picture

Al Gore's fault. He invented the internet, and knew about climate change and did nothing to prepare the 'net for it.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:09 | 4436751 silentboom
silentboom's picture

I think he invented the hockey stick too.  That guy is just amazing.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:55 | 4436499 Spungo
Spungo's picture

"Cold electrons move sluggishly"

Metal is a better conductor when it's cold, so electrons in metal wires would actually move faster when cold.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:23 | 4436600 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

I see someone drank thier brawndo this morning.. it has electrolytes

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5Q-yNNu-tM

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:50 | 4436673 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Well noted, goes in general as T(-3/2)...

Funny thing is that actual electron drift velocity is quite small, in fact, with an AC current net electron movement is zero...

It is all about the propagation of the Electric field....

And we all know what happens as you approach absolute zero...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:12 | 4436761 Lumberjack
Lumberjack's picture

Solar panels efficiency vs. temperature

 

http://www.solar-facts.com/panels/panel-efficiency.php

 

Effects of Temperature

The output of a solar cell, and therefore a solar panel, is affected by its temperature. As a result the power output will be reduced by between 0.25%(amorphous cells) and 0.5%(most crystalline cells) for each degree C of temperature rise. 
Panel temperatures in the summer in warm climates can easily reach 50oC resulting in a 12% reduction in output compared to the rated output at 25oC. 
This reduction in efficiency may be important to you if you have a high electricity demand in the summer. 

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:30 | 4436804 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Yes, that certainly is an issue.... 

Physics is a truly cruel mistress, with Thermodynamics being the most unforgiving bitch of her offspring...

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:55 | 4436501 monopoly
monopoly's picture

LMAO/Amazing.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:34 | 4436634 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

What is even more amazing in January was a completly average month for temperature...

NCDC/NOAA US January

Admittedly, the coast-to-coast variance was extremely high....

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:06 | 4436529 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

maybe everyone was too busy on healthcare.gov

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:13 | 4436548 slightlyskeptical
slightlyskeptical's picture

The sum total doesn't change because products are offered at an additional venue. What is bought at one venue is not bought at another. One great fraud is that the internet will raise sales through the system. All the internet does is eliminate margins.

What does this news mean for online advertising and the valuations for the advertising centric internet companies? Or does 1+1 not equal 2 when it comes to advertising dollars as well?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:16 | 4436561 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

You have to pay for heat before junk you don't need!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:17 | 4436568 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Yeah but the super expensive utility bills cause the wealth effect. I'll feel wealthy if I need to pay $200 to heat my home, so I'll go out and spend more (until I file bankruptcy and lose everything).

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:27 | 4436612 starman
starman's picture

Was it snow..den?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:47 | 4436667 kw2012
kw2012's picture

I see what you did there!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 12:51 | 4436679 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Too clever by half a measure...

I would have gone with Snowed In.....

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:06 | 4436737 silentboom
silentboom's picture

Thanks! This is the kind of info that we need to fight the propagandists!

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:09 | 4436749 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

If Obama and Yellen would send me a million, I absolutely promise to spend every dime of it.

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:14 | 4436759 silentboom
silentboom's picture

You didn't.....freeze that?

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 13:15 | 4436766 TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

meanwhile; NQ at new highs. 

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