It Was So Cold In January, Even The Internet Froze

Tyler Durden's picture

Of course, the internet can not freeze - at least not in the Old Normal world - however that is the only logical explanation we can offer in a world in which yesterday's atrocious retail sales were blamed on the weather - supposedly people stay at home, don't drive, don't go to the mall, don't shop because they have never had to engage in such activities in the winter when it snows outside - and yet online retail sales.... dropped even more? Because we know that in said world, consumption weakness can not possibly be explained by a tapped out US consumer who actually has little disposable cash left, and so we have to assume, correctly, that the weather was so bad in January, that even the Internet and online retail websites, must have frozen. There is no other explanation.

Source: Department of Commerce

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ThatGuyEhler's picture

Apparently the amazon can't handle a little cold weather...

kliguy38's picture

they didn't have any problem with my Silver Eagle delivery

Dr. Engali's picture

My fucking Comcrap internet freezes all the time.

BLOTTO's picture

How much free porn was being viewed/downloaded in January?


Hard to do online shopping with one hand, while jerking off with the other...

Seasmoke's picture

No. You would be surprised. It's amazingly easy to do. 

Obchelli's picture

I think brains of all those ANALysts without any conscience left froze...

fonestar's picture

What's amusing is the amount of boneheads on Zerohedge that claim the internet is uselses, can be switched off at TBTB's will, "does not exist", is maintained by geeks who know nothing, yada, yada, yada.... and yet continue to post here on a daily basis.

StackAttack's picture

Hey, fonestar.  Good news!  I can prove that your BTC definitely have value.  Just look what you can purchase with them. I would trade up right away, if I were you.

Gief Gold Plox's picture

With ice storms wrecking havoc around these parts for last few weeks, we've seen the power flicker off and not return for 9 days. Phone lines were the first thing to go. Fallen trees made the roads useless and everything unreachable except via helicopters for days. Several mobile towers were knocked out too, so no mobile signal either. As you might imagine, having instant access to gmail was not really a major concern. People having trouble getting their homes to stay warm don't loose much sleep over your precious internet obsession. And rightly so. Priorities dude.

fonestar's picture

Thanks for helping prove fonestar's point.  Many of your portfolios are entirely centered around "few weeks" after a catastrophic economic collapse, bank holiday, power outage, alien invasion etc.  

So what are your plans after that exactly?

nightshiftsucks's picture

You're obviously ambidextrious.

gtb's picture

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous...

El Oregonian's picture

So much Cynism- So little Time.

firstdivision's picture

Would have been nice if the weather froze Ben's chopper like it froze AMZN's drones.

Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Clearly this is due to increased consumer confidence.

GolfHatesMe's picture

Al Gore's invention Froze........Priceless!!

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Cold electrons move sluggishly. You need to pour a little hot coffee into the ethernet jack or cable connector to get things moving again.

I thought everyone knew that.

BorisTheBlade's picture

I was pouring vodka into my neighbours wi-fi router to enjoy some free wi-fi for a while, only trouble it started demanding for a full bottle every Friday and having trouble connecting every Saturday morning.

StychoKiller's picture

Obviously, the token ring fell out, get under the desk and look for it. :>D

Dollarmedes's picture

Consumers have been saving their disposable income in a coffee can, where it can't be tracked.

They're just lulling us into a false sense of in-security BEFORE THEY POUNCE!!1!1!

Dr. Engali's picture

Darn, if only the drone delivery system were up and running.

Max Damage's picture

It was, the blades froze and they fell out of the sky. Bullish, means new drones needed and replacement orders required. BTFATH

Rising Sun's picture

Fuck Barry you deaf bastard!!!!  We'll spend MOAR.  Just send us MOAR FUCKING FOOD STAMPS YOU STUPID FUCK!!!!

kralizec's picture

It was so cold...I saw politicians keeping their hands in their own pockets...for the first time ever!

Disenchanted's picture

Must have got some water into teh internet tubez...

firstdivision's picture

Isn't it awesome how dismal data sends the markets in an upward frenzy. 

Shizzmoney's picture

Markets: free money > actual money

shovelhead's picture

I love the sound of stampeding lemmings...

It sounds like...Victory.

Yancey Ward's picture

Well, Winter this year did surprisingly come with the Northern Hemisphere tilted away from the Sun.  You can't expect economic forcasters to anticipate this.

Seasmoke's picture

Proof. That not only is their cash tapped out. Now their credit balances are tapped out as well......Game over !!!

DirtyWilly's picture

If there was ever any question that the dust bowl was just a scapegoat for the Great Depression, now you know.

OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Bingo!  At a time when it was damn near impossible to grow any significant amount of wheat, what little wheat you could grow was essentially worth nothing.  Sure as hell wasn't free market supply and demand.

Kilgore Trout's picture

People were delaying their orders to spare the poor delivery folk. Once things warm up, all those 'orders on the sidelines' will surely be placed.

q99x2's picture

Time Warner sucks. Comcast sucks worse. The NSA sucks.

I hear there is good internet access in Singapore.

kchrisc's picture

The Chicago business propaganda rag had a headline yesterday that stated, "The Time-Warner, Comcast merger will be good for consumers."

I nearly choked on my food trying not to laugh and gasp at the same time.

roycewinsten's picture

Somebody please help me. I read the DOC data differently. It looks to me like sales were up YOY for January 2014. What am I missing? 

OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Haven't seen YoY posted much anywhere, but then again I haven't gone looking either.  But these are the MoM figures.

roycewinsten's picture

But of course January spend would be lower than December. I can tell you as a retailer myself, brick and mortar stores are losing out to online. Online business grew as a percent of sales at every retailer that has broken out numbers. Retail generally was down, of course. I believe it is because the consumer is tapped out. Disposable income is in decline as incomes remain flat-ish and expenses rise. But online shopping is taking share of wallet. There is just no doubt about that.

asscannon101's picture

Of COURSE it froze- The innernet is just a series of TUBES!! Its fucking TUBES I tell 'ya!!



F.A. Hayek's picture

Al Gore's fault. He invented the internet, and knew about climate change and did nothing to prepare the 'net for it.

silentboom's picture

I think he invented the hockey stick too.  That guy is just amazing.

Spungo's picture

"Cold electrons move sluggishly"

Metal is a better conductor when it's cold, so electrons in metal wires would actually move faster when cold.

1stepcloser's picture

I see someone drank thier brawndo this morning.. it has electrolytes

Flakmeister's picture

Well noted, goes in general as T(-3/2)...

Funny thing is that actual electron drift velocity is quite small, in fact, with an AC current net electron movement is zero...

It is all about the propagation of the Electric field....

And we all know what happens as you approach absolute zero...

Lumberjack's picture

Solar panels efficiency vs. temperature


Effects of Temperature

The output of a solar cell, and therefore a solar panel, is affected by its temperature. As a result the power output will be reduced by between 0.25%(amorphous cells) and 0.5%(most crystalline cells) for each degree C of temperature rise. 
Panel temperatures in the summer in warm climates can easily reach 50oC resulting in a 12% reduction in output compared to the rated output at 25oC. 
This reduction in efficiency may be important to you if you have a high electricity demand in the summer. 

Flakmeister's picture

Yes, that certainly is an issue.... 

Physics is a truly cruel mistress, with Thermodynamics being the most unforgiving bitch of her offspring...

Flakmeister's picture

What is even more amazing in January was a completly average month for temperature...


Admittedly, the coast-to-coast variance was extremely high....