The Devil's 2014 Missive To His Minions

Tyler Durden's picture


Submitted by Charles Hugh-Smith of OfTwoMinds blog,

The Devil pens a motivational letter to his minions in America.

Through means I am unable to disclose, I have obtained a copy of the Devil's New Year's missive to his minions in America. Though it appears He delivered his letter on January 1, it has taken me until after Lunar New Year to obtain a copy. The Devil's gleeful anticipation of America's ruination by 2015 should give us pause.


To my fallen angels Beelzebub, Lucifer and Leviathan, princes of Hell's demons, and to my minions, lackeys, toadies and sycophants in America:As you know, the new year usually finds me quite despondent, as the Prince of Peace's influence waxes most atrociously around his birthday. But this year I am in fine spirits, nay, let me even declare myself absolutely giddy, for the destruction of the United States of America draws ever nearer.

Though my minions have long sown festering seeds of hate and disharmony in that now-benighted land, only recently have my favored weapons of destruction--leverage, debt, half-truths and endless, preening justifications for self-aggrandizement, greed, sloth, lust, pride, envy, anger and gluttony--have been unleashed to worm their way into the stricken heart of that Republic.
My most treasured hopes of destitution and conflict in the U.S.A. are nearing fruition.

First, my minions in the Federal Reserve--such loyal servants!--and the Federal government have continued to flood the land with leverage and debt, spreading the seeds of destruction under the false guise of prosperity. What a delicious irony, that the fools doomed to eternal damnation in my Empire believe themselves prosperous as they absorb the poison of exponentially rising leverage, debt and phantom collateral.

They have made a mockery of the rule of law, openly flouting "no one is above the law" by letting financial crimes go not just unpunished but rewarded. There are two sets of laws and two sets of books now firmly in place, one for the financial Elites and their political toadies, and another one for the tax donkeys beneath them. This blatant injustice that roams the land like a foul, slobbering beast will eventually ignite the firestorm I seek.

American extravagance has surpassed even my highest expectations, as purveyors of luxury goods reap record profits, and the childish desire for instant gratification has become the unspoken ruler of the land. Convenience is now worshipped as a god, sitting triumphant beside entitlement, greed and willful ignorance.

Convenience is, as you all know, the name of a peculiarly slick slide into Hell.

One of my favorite sins, gluttony, is running amok, with half of the people groaning under their own weight, sickened and weakened. My loyal minions in the fast-food and packaged food industries have followed my plans to perfection, and my lackeys in the marketing and media have fueled the instant gratification and ignorance which insidiously undermine even the greatest empires.

Pride--oh, how the Americans excel at hubris and pride! The Federal Reserve chair, bless her doomed soul, has declared herself confident about an economy that is nothing but a confidence game. Oh, what joy to hear her lies spoken with such confidence!

The mere thought of the word greed cause me to chuckle delightedly, as the U.S. excels as a haven for greed without bounds, a greed so boundless that the entire universe would be insufficient to satisfy its bankers, hedge fund managers, high-frequency traders, Imperial factotums and politicians. How happy I am to see their greed grease their way into Hell.

I feel like dancing a jig when I hear the unbridled sense of entitlement which has poisoned the American spirit. Cloaking their greed and avarice with rationalizations--"I was promised," "It's my right," "I deserve it"--brings them closer to me and my Domain with every bleated plea for more, more, more. It is wondrous indeed how my secret invention, "free money," debilitates once-independent souls, and places them on a one-way street to servitude.

Anger is now overflowing everywhere, building my empire with every thoughtless word. Politicians rage against each other, the people rage against the politicians, and behind the scenes my servants in the political action committees feed the anger with billions of dollars in campaign donations. How amusing to see the politicos lay claim to noble ideals even as they scramble on their knees to collect the millions tossed at their feet to do my bidding.

Oh yes, my bidding, for their greed, pride and anger are my bidding. By all means, politicians, do my work: give tax breaks to the ultra-wealthy, let financial crimes go unpunished, allow the financial Elites' looting to go unhindered, transfer the wealth earned by the citizens' sweat to the Central State's financial Elites when their trillion-dollar bets go bad--fuel the anger which will tear you from power, and tear the country apart.

I laughed with glee a few years ago when One Beholden To Me announced that he was doing "God's work"--how I love twisting together irony and lies! He fooled no one, of course, for even the most deluded souls know he is doing My Work, not the Lord's, but they are too distracted by games and ginned-up contests to care. Nothing has changed since the corrupt system tasted a whiff of what lies ahead in 2008; oh, how deliciously the lies and the debts are piling ever higher!

Not caring is doing my work, too, of course; in fact, it one of my favorite tools.

The nation bled itself for a decade with unwinnable wars, sacrificing its best youth on the altar of endless war--how can I not rejoice at this orgy of death, destruction and sowing of hate? The feeble liars at the nation's helm print endless sums to fund war and to prop up vile tyrants, but offer nothing for libraries or literacy or the curing of malaria. How can I not rejoice at a nation which finds trillions for war and next to nothing to fight the diseases of the poor residents of former colonies, including that Prince of Disease, ignorance.

As for sloth--that millions are being paid to sit around watching television instead of being productive creates the perfect breeding ground for resentment, malice and envy. How perfect to pay people to sit at home and rot away, with only their discontent and despair for company.

As you know all too well, idle hands end up doing my piecework for free.
It was almost beyond my dreams to find the nation's wealth and politics so dominated by a tiny handful of wealthy financial plutocrats--they are doing my bidding without hindrance, though I see by their troubled sleep that they know where their greed and rationalizations are taking them. To channel the nation's wealth to a few hands--what better way to nurture envy and anger?

If ignorance were treasure, the American political class must be declared wealthier than Midas, for its ignorance has reached a pinnacle I can truly admire. Ensnared by their lust for power, blinded by their greed for fame and perquisites, they look no further than the next election cycle, dooming their nation to division, disharmony and the desolation of permanent conflict over the dwindling productive assets of this once-great nation.

The people cry out to be saved by the government, as if it was a Savior instead of a vast combine chewing through the wealth of the nation, "investing" it in corruption, parasitic financial Elites, military misadventures, Homeland "Security"--ha, isn't that a jewel, as the nation withers from within--and the steady, unyielding oppression of the remaining productive members of society.

When the people cheer "We're number One," I cheer with them, for pride goeth before a fall. When they believe the half-truths, the illusions, the mispresentations, the misdirections and yes, the outright lies of the ruling class repeated by their toadies in the media, I can no longer restrain my delight, for lies and half-truths are my favored weapons of destruction. The leaders are themselves leaderless, blank, hollowed-out souls doing the bidding of their parasitic masters, focused only on keeping the corrupt and venal status quo together for a few more months, never looking out ten years.

Their worship of greed and self-aggandizement is worship of Me, and their frantic efforts to prop up pseudo-democracy and pseudo-free markets serve Me most effectively.

I delight in shortsightedness, an abject fear of change and transformation, the clinging to failure and pride, and the refusal to face reality.

For the U.S.A. is now an Empire of Debt and Lies, its fraudulent financial system built on misrepresentations of risk and value, and its "economy of confidence" a con game based on illusory wealth, parasitic skimming, government gaming and tax donkeys paying for their Financial Masters' idiotic mistakes.

This adolescent desire to believe the lies, because in believing the lies then nothing need change--this might be my most powerful destructive tool.
A hunger for fantasy and illusion, a fear of adaptation, a childish demand for instant gratification--these are forces I can rely on to lead the once-great country to absolute ruin.

And here is the beautifully evil part, my minions--no external enemy is required.The Americans are destroying themselves with their reliance on leverage, debt, denial, half-truths and overflowing servings of the Seven Deadly Sins, all of which they have elevated to "assets" in their hopelessly twisted values. To be supremely unproductive, a churner of lies and financial trickery, is now the most rewarded and admired state in America.

The spiritual rot is now so deep and pervasive that the people no longer even recognize the decay --they have been lulled into a false belief that this culture of fraud, embezzlement, manipulations, propaganda and parasitic financial Elites has always held sway. This is precisely how a people act when they have lost their way, spiritually and morally: they elevate sins to virtues, and forget the lessons of their past.

And of course everyone claiming that there is no spiritual vacuum sucking the nation dry, that the status quo is simply "business as usual"--they are doing my work, too, for habituating to all that is corrupt and reprehensible, all that is lacking in integrity and honesty, this is doing my work most admirably.

Americans no longer hate me, they hate sacrifice and honest introspection, with a passion that enlivens my enthusiasm for their self-destruction.

How can I not be pleased this New Year? At long last, the destruction of the United States by its own citizens is close at hand. Give me two years, minions, no more than four, and I shall insure they will finally begin reaping what they have sown.

Ignorance, my poor dear Americans, will not save you, nor will your ceaseless pathetic bleatings of excuses, justifications and rationalizations save you from the rank harvest of what you have so assiduously sown for the past five years. Indeed, your excuses and rationalizations push My poisoned blade deeper into your nation's heart with every lie, every excuse, every frantic justification for your own entitlement.

I await 2014 with high expectations, so crack on, My minions; our goal is within reach.

Most sincerely yours,

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Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:17 | 4446057 VD
VD's picture

666 biyatchz now & forever & eva (qe4eva that is & # of da Yellen)...

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:41 | 4446124 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

"The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it."
Albert Einstein

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:45 | 4446136 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

Do you think he meant to say...RELEASE The Kraken??????  

I have some real doubts this year is going to bode well.  I read/responded to the huge Soros put, but them bones, them bones, inside of you....I swear, they are itchin' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:02 | 4446174 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

No, Kraken is for seamen. Baphomet is for Satan.


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:05 | 4446185 Boris Alatovkrap
Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:07 | 4446195 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Ooops again, here is servant of Satan...


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:09 | 4446204 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Ooops, is hand maiden of Satan... here is puppet-in-chief...


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:35 | 4446274 fonestar
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Satoshi shall rule all.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:12 | 4446371 National Blessing
National Blessing's picture

I always thought George Clooney was the devil.  I don't know why. 

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 03:35 | 4447200 manofthenorth
manofthenorth's picture

Coming generations will learn equality from poverty, and love from woes.
Khalil Gibran

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 09:12 | 4447468 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



First point of Bernie Madoff.


Put that Corzine kid on it.....kinda like his style.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 10:18 | 4447693 Bendromeda Strain
Bendromeda Strain's picture

Well done Charles, but a hit tip or "with apologies to" C.S. Lewis (The Screwtape Letters) might have been appropriate.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 14:55 | 4449064 NickVegas
NickVegas's picture


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:27 | 4446252 Lumberjack
Lumberjack's picture

Boris, remember those cave paintings you mentioned?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 01:43 | 4447058 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Mr. Jack,

You are familiar with Cave Painting? Is proof sky is be falling since time is memorial. Ice Age 1979 = Global Warming 2000 = Climate Change 2010. Boris is exhaustion from wacko floating theory!

There are three people kind. First is worry about everything, second is mobilize first, third is ignore first and second. Pray there are more third than first or second.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 06:46 | 4447294 Truthseeker2
Truthseeker2's picture
If I Were the Devil
by Paul Harvey


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:15 | 4446375 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

LOL, Boris is have it covered, is tip of iceburg, ya?

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 23:27 | 4446752 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



Boris you are going to be put on a watch list movie makers can't even use actors that look like the Obamamessiah


'SON OF GOD' Cuts Satan Scenes After Obama Look-Alike Controversy...

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 00:34 | 4446927 dcohen
dcohen's picture

Here is SatanYahoo making the Satanic Sign

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:46 | 4446137 knukles
knukles's picture

Toldja this shit was the Devil's Own Work, Land of Armageddon, End of Days, Revelations, the Coming of the Anti-Christ.
Believe it or not, you're actually there, motherfuckers!


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:54 | 4446151 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

Knuckles, it could very well be, and quite time to get the final affairs in order!

God Bless America, Land of the Free...

Maybe I lose a few readers with the God reference, but them thar is my beliefs!  But that is ok, if you part there!

Dang, we have a serial junker, for reals.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:06 | 4446179 Au_Ag_CuPbCu
Au_Ag_CuPbCu's picture

"...have been unleashed to worm their way into the stricken heart of that Republic er rather Fascist state."  Damn, not even the Devil  can get it straight.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:07 | 4446360 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I Sell Shoes! (or derivatives)

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:18 | 4446226 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

The "non-believers" are looking more foolish, daily, for what they DO believe in.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:30 | 4446261 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture


Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:55 | 4446328 fonestar
fonestar's picture

fonestar is not the type of virtual man to make outlandish statements, but Bitcoin is the greatest thing ever and anyone who so much as doubts Bitcoin should be executed.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:16 | 4446379 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

ROFLMAO...the hell you say?  bitcoin?  bwahahahahhaha, if your heavy into it, just kiss it goodbye!

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 22:14 | 4446530 lickspitler
lickspitler's picture

Bitcoin is not for pussys

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 22:26 | 4446571 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Can you pay for pussy with BitCoin?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 05:34 | 4447266 satoshi411
satoshi411's picture

You can BONE a virtual HO, in fonestar's world, ...

The ONLY folks on earth that have turned over FRN's for BTC's is nerds, and by definiton that only pussy that nerds ever see, is that which they see on the internet.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 22:34 | 4446594 Annoyingserf
Annoyingserf's picture

There's a flaw in your reasoning.....I've yet to meet a socially repressed, basement dweller who wasn't a pussy.  

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:03 | 4446354 The Duke of Skiatook
The Duke of Skiatook's picture

Land of the Free . . . My ass!

I can put up with the silliness of your religion but if you believe this is still the "Land of the Free" then I have no use for you.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 21:17 | 4446381 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

We still have a couple fella, we're not quite dead yet! C'mon, have a little faith...err, guts!

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 01:44 | 4447063 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Right on. When TSHTF I have hopes the military and local police will have enough balls to know they've been had.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 05:32 | 4447265 satoshi411
satoshi411's picture

The system is hard-wired for retirement checks forever.

The only way you can win over the COP/MIL is to convice him that the PTB money is no good, and ergo his pension is zilch.

Good luck convincing him that, since the 1990's they only select morons to to carry guns in law enforcement.

Modern USA law enforcement are like ROBOT soldiers, they just fucking follow orders and wait for donuts and coffee.


Tue, 02/18/2014 - 12:55 | 4448470 Crawdaddy
Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:48 | 4446312 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

Pretty sure they said the same thing in the year 1000 too.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 22:25 | 4446569 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Messianic Rabbi Jonathan Cahn, the Harbinger, America's financial collapse in 2015?

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 22:23 | 4446565 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Anywhere is dangerous to live.

You are only at risk of dying when you are alive.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 01:46 | 4447069 willwork4food
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Logically, although that might be true, it's not the point.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:07 | 4446193 sgorem
sgorem's picture
The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil (Live) - OFFICIAL..............."let introduce myself............"yeah baby!
Tue, 02/18/2014 - 17:08 | 4449660 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

A bunch of crazy bankers with primo tickets to a Stone's concert on the shareholders' dime... Good Times...

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:17 | 4446060 stant
stant's picture

your days comin uncle suga

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:23 | 4446076 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Jaimie is that you?

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 20:58 | 4446289 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture




Presented with a lot of devilish laughter.


Stop whining! The US economy is in good shape
Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:24 | 4446079 Dr. Venkman
Dr. Venkman's picture

Markets getting fiesty this evening.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:55 | 4446159 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

And by that you mean???  Please do enlighten??

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:26 | 4446086 GVB
GVB's picture

“The few who understand the system will either be so interested in its profits or be so dependent upon its favours that there will be no opposition from that class, while on the other hand, the great body of people, mentally incapable of comprehending the tremendous advantage that capital derives from the system, will bear its burdens without complaint, and perhaps without even suspecting that the system is inimical to their interests.” The Rothschild brothers of London writing to associates in New York, 1863.

Mon, 02/17/2014 - 19:56 | 4446162 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

Well now, that was the British he was talking about, and he was right!  American's not so much, but we're getting there, sadly!

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