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"We Are From The Government And We Are Here To Offer You A No Risk, Guaranteed Return Investment Product"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

And just like that, the MyRA propaganda goes full Goebbels retard. Unfortunately, due to time differences, neither Pravda, nor Izvestia or Moskovskij Komsomolets could reply with affirmative comments due to time constraints.

From the US Treasury:

A Look At What They’re Saying About myRA Across the Country

 

By: Brandi Hoffine

 
Last month in the State of the Union, President Obama laid out specific executive actions he will take to put more Americans back to work and expand opportunity so that every American can get ahead. Speaking about the importance of securing a dignified retirement, the President announced that he would direct Treasury to create a new way for working Americans to start their own retirement savings.  According to independent estimates, about half of all workers and 75 percent of part-time workers lack access to employer-sponsored retirement plans. That is why the Obama administration designed myRA (my Retirement Account) -  a simple, safe, and affordable retirement savings account that will be offered through employers to help low- and moderate- income Americans begin to save for retirement.

 

Below is a look at what newspaper editorial boards and financial columnists across the country are saying.

Source: US Treasury

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Tue, 02/18/2014 - 19:50 | 4450300 Aquarius
Aquarius's picture

And, I am selling bridges.

Ho hum

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 19:54 | 4450326 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I understand that bankers and bridges are a good match, so kudos.  Sell a bunch.  I'm thinking about a nail gun franchise myself.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:06 | 4450386 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

You hit that one on the head.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:09 | 4450403 max2205
max2205's picture

Wait till the next crisis and the Treasury 'borrows' UrIRA

And never gives it back except a nice IOU on a piece of paper

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:12 | 4450416 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

Isn't that what Fonestar is promoting with bitcoin, URCurrency ?

At least with MYra, only the morons that voted him in will be dumb enough to risk their $$$ in it.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:18 | 4450457 Major Major Major
Major Major Major's picture

Where is FINRA on this one?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:28 | 4450506 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Before MyRA gets started doen't congress have to pass a law or something?   Or does Choomboy just executive action it into being?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:38 | 4450561 dryam
dryam's picture

This reminds me of the SNL skit on how to save money.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzE76nUSjL8

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:52 | 4450629 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I would invest my money with Fonestar before I'd willingly participate in an Obama investment program.

Yeah, it's that bad.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:54 | 4450647 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Didn't the NAZIs have a savings plan that allowed people to purchase one of the new Hitler cars (later named Volkswagons) by saving a small amount each month?

Instead of a car they all got sent to Stalingrad instead.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:02 | 4450686 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

http://members.tripod.com/propagander2/vwn17.jpg

http://members.tripod.com/propagander2/vwz01.jpg

"5 marks a week must you save, if you want to drive a wagon!"

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:43 | 4450871 Thought Processor
Thought Processor's picture

 

 

And............  it's GONE!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DT7bX-B1Mg

 

Has to be the best South Park clip ever.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 05:25 | 4451724 BigJim
BigJim's picture

 Last month in the State of the Union, President Obama laid out specific executive actions he will take to put more Americans back to work and expand opportunity so that every American can get ahead.

Lulz. How does every American 'get ahead'?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:44 | 4450875 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Is myRA an annuity?  I can't think of another way to get "guranteed returns".

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 01:02 | 4451500 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Never loan your retirement money to a broke dick fuck.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 08:36 | 4451882 kralizec
kralizec's picture

How about never giving anybody your retirement money, broke dick fuck or not?!

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:57 | 4451676 Canoe Driver
Canoe Driver's picture

The asstards are saying that treasury paper has "guaranteed" returns, i.e. interest payments. Of course, they are not mentioning risk to principal.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 04:02 | 4451682 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

That would require moar "truthiness" than the Obamatron is capable of!

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 14:43 | 4453481 divide_by_zero
divide_by_zero's picture

I'm pretty sure that Obama and Co being the blood sucking parasites they are, would structure this much like a public employee defined benefit plan and the taxpayer would have to make up any shortfalls.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:58 | 4450659 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

cant you guys twitter bomb this to death?

 

i dont twit tweet or twat(except on saturdays if the wifes up for it)

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:58 | 4450949 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

+100 beer came out of my nose on that one. Thanks

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:09 | 4451629 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

You didn't drink that.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:08 | 4451628 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Clearly demonstrating the lesser of two evils fallacy.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:28 | 4450509 Thought Processor
Thought Processor's picture

 

 

"We're with the Government and we're here to help"

 

Be afraid.   Be very afraid.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:57 | 4450656 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"We're with the government, and we're here to help...ourselves to more of your shit, and your children of gun-toting age."

"I'm with the guillotine, and we're here to help."

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:00 | 4450676 lordylord
lordylord's picture

"If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life."  -HDT

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:23 | 4450779 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Is the government allowed to compete with private businesses like JPMorgan?

What am I saying? They're the same!

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:52 | 4451668 Exponere Mendaces
Exponere Mendaces's picture

@boogerbently

Listen, asshole.

MrRA is going to be a complete shit-show.

At least Bitcoin has actual YIELD, which the MyRA fucking turd can't even promise.

You really splitting hairs to make a point against bitcoin?

Fuck man, you work for the squid?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:06 | 4450705 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Thats funny and true, people have to see that the end game is near and that the govt. is becoming desparate.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:36 | 4450832 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Hopefully they don't know where the boat went down.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 23:54 | 4451358 Chuck Walla
Chuck Walla's picture

Bernays needs to be dug up, shot, and buried again.

FORWARD KONZENTRATIONSLAGER!

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:09 | 4450401 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

Is downvoting the same as groaning for a bad pun?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:01 | 4450682 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Yes and no

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:09 | 4450726 knukles
knukles's picture

Well now, isn't that kinda decisive.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 03:10 | 4451631 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

maybe?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:12 | 4450418 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

Make sure your franchise sells the guns for those big hardened 1/2" dia concrete penetrating nails. You don't want someone to have to take 8 of them to commit suicide, do you?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:31 | 4450531 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I see some actual advantage to penny nails.  Irony at its best.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:07 | 4450708 knukles
knukles's picture

"No more $400 penny nails under my Administration!"

Both Houses rise in unison, cheering, clapping, shouting, dancing in the aisles, screaming and spittle flying uncontrollably. 
The very same evening, a bi-partisan bill is introduced to eliminate government purchases of nails of lesser value than $400, called the Next Absolutely Inane Legislation ("NAILS") enthusiastically supported by the American Fastener and Repair Association.

Jump you fuckers.

Wed, 02/19/2014 - 00:35 | 4451453 HisNameIsRP
HisNameIsRP's picture

six will suffice

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:00 | 4450675 Pareto
Pareto's picture

+1 I'll get long to that!

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:07 | 4450707 frankthomaswhite59
frankthomaswhite59's picture

.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:09 | 4450715 frankthomaswhite59
frankthomaswhite59's picture

where are you brain?  

reply

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:54 | 4450928 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Did Banzai do that poster?

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:03 | 4450373 booboo
booboo's picture

"I am opening one up with ten bucks!! I want my FEMA commissary fund pre loaded when I get there so I don't have to rely on my parents account"

Aaron in Indianapolis

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:03 | 4450374 jcpicks
jcpicks's picture

When the time comes, good luck getting your money back.

Oh wait....it will probably be just paper by then.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:14 | 4450431 outofideas
outofideas's picture

its just paper now.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:54 | 4450646 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

Rumor is that Jon (the slime) Corzine will be in charge of the fund. If its true we already know what the end result will be

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 21:00 | 4450680 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"And it's Jon. Next customer."

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:07 | 4450389 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

My RA is a sun god.

Watch as he burns through your 'savings'.

Tue, 02/18/2014 - 20:28 | 4450511 layman_please
layman_please's picture

myra(müra) in estonian means 'noise'. not sure what it signifies but seems appropriate.

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