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Groupon Enters Bear Market On "Lack Of Growth" Scare

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While deciphering the adjustments, compulsory one-off charges, promises, ranges, and hopes, dreams, and unicorn tears is hard, the market saw headline beats in EPS and Revenues and surged GRPN above $12 enabling CNBC to proclaim it a winner before moving on... then someone (or maybe a machine) read the statement... "Groupon expects Adjusted EBITDA for the full year to be slightly above 2013 levels." That's just not gonna cut it when you can spend $19 billion on the hope of exponential growth... and sure enough, GRPN shares collapsed - down over 23% from the after-hours highs.

 

 

Seems like it's time to buy SnapChat for $30 billion!!

 

You see - "slightly above 2013" is just not good enough - investors crave quadrupling or quintupling of EBITDA guesses...

 

And here's how the mainstream media is reporting it...

16:05 Business Insider GROUPON SURGES AFTER EARNINGS
16:09 Groupon Revenue Tops Analyst Estimates on Stronger Mobile Sales
16:16 Business Insider: GROUPON SLIDES AFTER EARNINGS
16:22 TechCrunch: Groupon Skyrockets After Hours On Q4 Beat
16:29 24/7 Wall St: Groupon Sails Past Estimates, With Higher Costs Ahead
16:32 Fox News: Groupon Revenue Jumps 20% On Strong Demand

 

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Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:40 | 4459318 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

OH NOOOOOO!!!

NOT GROUPON MISTER BILL!!

LOOK OUT !!  CAUSE HERE COME SLUGGO AGAIN TO BEAT ON SHITCOIN!

 

OH NOOOOOO!!!

 

And where the hell IS fonerats or fartstone or whatever his name was??

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:44 | 4459349 negative rates
negative rates's picture

You mean that guy that can't walk and chew gum at the same time? He's juggling bitcoins. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:49 | 4459371 fonestar
fonestar's picture

fonestar is always with you.  When you own Bitcoin, you own a share in the most powerful computer network on Earth.  So let that be your "group" and realize there is no reason for GRPN.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:10 | 4459444 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

and if someone unplugs that computer?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:14 | 4459463 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Your coins are permanently stored in the blockchain.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:46 | 4459566 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Fartsone is baaaackkk!! 

Your brain is permanently fucked as well douche ball boy... Enjoy!

So terll us more fonerats about your miracle digital bullshit currency.

Do you ever get out into the REAL world or does it scare the fucking shit out of you!?

Do you think you are Bill Gates or Steve Jobs (he's fucking DEAD by the way!)  being such a digital dick?

Do you only have digital sex as well??

C'mon douche..

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:50 | 4459605 akak
akak's picture

And your bitcoin bullshit is permanently stored in your blockhead.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:59 | 4459647 fonestar
fonestar's picture

The book of fonestar is public record.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:54 | 4459842 DIgnified
DIgnified's picture

 Permanent.  So long as you have internet access. Or an internet, period.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:52 | 4459914 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Likewise, if you don't have any gold, don't wory - it's permanently stored beneath the earth's crust and at the bottom of the ocean.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:19 | 4460639 LaoTzu60606
LaoTzu60606's picture

fonestar/banger...

 

you are both right, dudes, of course, all trading is about risk and reward...

banger - ever hear of gold confiscation?

fonestar judges that risk to be greater than block chain failure, which, personally

i don't agree with but always want to know the motivation of the trader on the 

other side, it's a sun tzu thing....

so both of you are merely evaluating subjective risk in your own way, hence both correct...

but then again everyone knows the world is flat, that one settled..

lt

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:15 | 4459355 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

But...nobody said, "Obama, may I?"

 

RIPS

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:41 | 4459331 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

< Groupon

< Groupoff

Place your bets...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:11 | 4459452 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

had actually forgotten this company existed

havent seen a groupon offer in ages

wasnt the ipo like 20 bucks?

cramer, your thoughts?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:24 | 4459492 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Cramer says it's a sold buy with a 10% off coupon...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:26 | 4459756 neidermeyer
neidermeyer's picture

GROUPOFF , lets face it .. their advertising base is/are companies in distress ... they are selling % or $ off coupons that you should use immediately to avoid having them become worthless script.  These companies are cutting back on their advertising budgets and the buyers for the discounted goods are cutting back also...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:41 | 4459336 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Gropeon economy.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:43 | 4459346 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

It's back to GROPE ON!!!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:42 | 4459342 Max Damage
Max Damage's picture

PCLN profit warns and the stock jumps up in AH. Madness considering the numbnuts valuation

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:43 | 4459347 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Groupon allows you to sample a business for half price and that's about how much you think the goods and service are worth afterwards.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:55 | 4459385 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

What advantage does Groupon's business strategy have over the local coupon circulars (aka wet bags) left on my stoop by an ever-flowing supply of illegal immigrants in my nabe? 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:00 | 4459409 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

cuz when you scan your phone on the item "they're a whole 'nother price."

the purpose for when you get to the counter is that the price of everything you scanned into your phone equals the price you pay at the register.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:42 | 4460015 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Yes, a coupon accomplishes the same feat of discounting.  So iPhone is now a massive couponing device?  I kinda felt that all along...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:44 | 4459350 Shitonya Serfs
Shitonya Serfs's picture

Who?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:46 | 4459357 philosophers bone
philosophers bone's picture

Zuckerberg to the Rescue?

Interesting fact about What'sApp deal - I thought I heard that Morgan Stanley, who led the FB IPO and sold some of Zuck's and other insiders Facebook shares to the public for $38 and made Zuck a billionaire more than 20 times over was the "financial advisor" to What'sApp.

I wonder what Morgan Stanley's fee was?  i wonder if the terms were a huge percentage of the deal size above a certain threshold?  I wonder if Morgan Stanley knew what Zuck's price was before being retained by What'sApp? 

I wonder if Morgan Stanley received the $4B cash component of the deal and the What'sApp shareholder received the FB stock, which is probably subject to escrow / clawback / performance?

I just wonder.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:53 | 4459383 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

ever wonder how many of them you have 0 chance of seeing at Midnight Mass?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:48 | 4459367 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

but Cramer gave it his K-parve blessing just a few days ago? new kosher mgmt etc...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:54 | 4459387 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

The boyez of death.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:00 | 4459410 Dr. Kenneth Noi...
Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's picture

GROUP ON

APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:08 | 4459438 sheikurbootie
sheikurbootie's picture

Here's another one that made no sense.  See you at zero.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:25 | 4459503 toros
toros's picture

Lucky Lefkosky got out with $41M

http://www.secform4.com/insider-trading/1114357.htm

Who says you can't time the market??

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:55 | 4459627 samsara
samsara's picture

No, in the aggregate, It's

"The End of Growth"

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:59 | 4459645 ATM
ATM's picture

"Starting tomorrow, Groupon ( www.groupon.com ) (NASDAQ: GRPN) will be kicking off Presidents Day weekend by giving customers 10 dollars off 40 dollars when they purchase a deal for any local business. The $10 bill, as everyone knows, features President Alexander Hamilton -- undeniably one of our greatest presidents and most widely recognized for establishing the country’s financial system.

Beginning Saturday, Feb. 15 at 9 am CST, shoppers will be able to redeem this offer by using the promo code “10OFF40LOCAL”, which isn’t very catchy, but neither was President Hamilton’s famous saying, “nobody expects to trust his body overmuch after the age of fifty.” "

So can a company that publishes such a fucked up statement such as above survive for more than a short time with a business model that is nothing more than electronic green stamps? I think no.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:12 | 4459696 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

This is still a $50 billion dollar company, right? I mean FaceFuck just paid $16 billion for an IM app where 90% of the users are also FaceFuckers.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:13 | 4459699 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Polar Vortex has stopped me from using GropeOn countless times.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 00:12 | 4460778 Westcoastliberal
Westcoastliberal's picture

Groupon is dead as a doornail and it's been a long time coming!

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