Groupon Enters Bear Market On "Lack Of Growth" Scare

Tyler Durden's picture

While deciphering the adjustments, compulsory one-off charges, promises, ranges, and hopes, dreams, and unicorn tears is hard, the market saw headline beats in EPS and Revenues and surged GRPN above $12 enabling CNBC to proclaim it a winner before moving on... then someone (or maybe a machine) read the statement... "Groupon expects Adjusted EBITDA for the full year to be slightly above 2013 levels." That's just not gonna cut it when you can spend $19 billion on the hope of exponential growth... and sure enough, GRPN shares collapsed - down over 23% from the after-hours highs.



Seems like it's time to buy SnapChat for $30 billion!!


You see - "slightly above 2013" is just not good enough - investors crave quadrupling or quintupling of EBITDA guesses...


And here's how the mainstream media is reporting it...

16:09 Groupon Revenue Tops Analyst Estimates on Stronger Mobile Sales
16:22 TechCrunch: Groupon Skyrockets After Hours On Q4 Beat
16:29 24/7 Wall St: Groupon Sails Past Estimates, With Higher Costs Ahead
16:32 Fox News: Groupon Revenue Jumps 20% On Strong Demand

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Headbanger's picture







And where the hell IS fonerats or fartstone or whatever his name was??

fonestar's picture

fonestar is always with you.  When you own Bitcoin, you own a share in the most powerful computer network on Earth.  So let that be your "group" and realize there is no reason for GRPN.

johnQpublic's picture

and if someone unplugs that computer?

fonestar's picture

Your coins are permanently stored in the blockchain.

Headbanger's picture

Fartsone is baaaackkk!! 

Your brain is permanently fucked as well douche ball boy... Enjoy!

So terll us more fonerats about your miracle digital bullshit currency.

Do you ever get out into the REAL world or does it scare the fucking shit out of you!?

Do you think you are Bill Gates or Steve Jobs (he's fucking DEAD by the way!)  being such a digital dick?

Do you only have digital sex as well??

C'mon douche..

akak's picture

And your bitcoin bullshit is permanently stored in your blockhead.

fonestar's picture

The book of fonestar is public record.

DIgnified's picture

 Permanent.  So long as you have internet access. Or an internet, period.  

JuliaS's picture

Likewise, if you don't have any gold, don't wory - it's permanently stored beneath the earth's crust and at the bottom of the ocean.

LaoTzu60606's picture



you are both right, dudes, of course, all trading is about risk and reward...

banger - ever hear of gold confiscation?

fonestar judges that risk to be greater than block chain failure, which, personally

i don't agree with but always want to know the motivation of the trader on the 

other side, it's a sun tzu thing....

so both of you are merely evaluating subjective risk in your own way, hence both correct...

but then again everyone knows the world is flat, that one settled..


Deathrips's picture

But...nobody said, "Obama, may I?"



ZerOhead's picture

< Groupon

< Groupoff

Place your bets...

johnQpublic's picture

had actually forgotten this company existed

havent seen a groupon offer in ages

wasnt the ipo like 20 bucks?

cramer, your thoughts?

ZerOhead's picture

Cramer says it's a sold buy with a 10% off coupon...

neidermeyer's picture

GROUPOFF , lets face it .. their advertising base is/are companies in distress ... they are selling % or $ off coupons that you should use immediately to avoid having them become worthless script.  These companies are cutting back on their advertising budgets and the buyers for the discounted goods are cutting back also...

ebworthen's picture

Gropeon economy.

Max Damage's picture

PCLN profit warns and the stock jumps up in AH. Madness considering the numbnuts valuation

robertocarlos's picture

Groupon allows you to sample a business for half price and that's about how much you think the goods and service are worth afterwards.

ParkAveFlasher's picture

What advantage does Groupon's business strategy have over the local coupon circulars (aka wet bags) left on my stoop by an ever-flowing supply of illegal immigrants in my nabe? 

disabledvet's picture

cuz when you scan your phone on the item "they're a whole 'nother price."

the purpose for when you get to the counter is that the price of everything you scanned into your phone equals the price you pay at the register.

ParkAveFlasher's picture

Yes, a coupon accomplishes the same feat of discounting.  So iPhone is now a massive couponing device?  I kinda felt that all along...

philosophers bone's picture

Zuckerberg to the Rescue?

Interesting fact about What'sApp deal - I thought I heard that Morgan Stanley, who led the FB IPO and sold some of Zuck's and other insiders Facebook shares to the public for $38 and made Zuck a billionaire more than 20 times over was the "financial advisor" to What'sApp.

I wonder what Morgan Stanley's fee was?  i wonder if the terms were a huge percentage of the deal size above a certain threshold?  I wonder if Morgan Stanley knew what Zuck's price was before being retained by What'sApp? 

I wonder if Morgan Stanley received the $4B cash component of the deal and the What'sApp shareholder received the FB stock, which is probably subject to escrow / clawback / performance?

I just wonder.

skwid vacuous's picture

ever wonder how many of them you have 0 chance of seeing at Midnight Mass?

skwid vacuous's picture

but Cramer gave it his K-parve blessing just a few days ago? new kosher mgmt etc...

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater's picture



sheikurbootie's picture

Here's another one that made no sense.  See you at zero.

toros's picture

Lucky Lefkosky got out with $41M

Who says you can't time the market??

samsara's picture

No, in the aggregate, It's

"The End of Growth"

ATM's picture

"Starting tomorrow, Groupon ( ) (NASDAQ: GRPN) will be kicking off Presidents Day weekend by giving customers 10 dollars off 40 dollars when they purchase a deal for any local business. The $10 bill, as everyone knows, features President Alexander Hamilton -- undeniably one of our greatest presidents and most widely recognized for establishing the country’s financial system.

Beginning Saturday, Feb. 15 at 9 am CST, shoppers will be able to redeem this offer by using the promo code “10OFF40LOCAL”, which isn’t very catchy, but neither was President Hamilton’s famous saying, “nobody expects to trust his body overmuch after the age of fifty.” "

So can a company that publishes such a fucked up statement such as above survive for more than a short time with a business model that is nothing more than electronic green stamps? I think no.

syntaxterror's picture

This is still a $50 billion dollar company, right? I mean FaceFuck just paid $16 billion for an IM app where 90% of the users are also FaceFuckers.

syntaxterror's picture

Polar Vortex has stopped me from using GropeOn countless times.

Westcoastliberal's picture

Groupon is dead as a doornail and it's been a long time coming!