The Number Of Days In Which JPM Lost Money In All Of 2013 Is...

Tyler Durden's picture









Well, what did you expect.

However, there's more.

First, the reason why the familiar histogram showing the trading days profits (we would say losses but TBTFs don't lose money in the New Normal) such as the one seen here is no longer present, is because JPM has decided to no longer show it as of this quarter.

Prior to the fourth quarter of 2013, the Firm disclosed a histogram which presented the results of daily backtesting against its daily market risk-related gains and losses for positions included in the Firm’s Risk Management VaR calculation. Under this previous presentation, the market risk related revenue was defined as the change in value of: principal transactions revenue for CIB, and Treasury and CIO; trading-related net interest income for CIB, Treasury and CIO, and Mortgage Production and Mortgage Servicing in CCB; CIB brokerage commissions, underwriting fees or  other revenue; revenue from syndicated lending facilities that the Firm intends to distribute; mortgage fees and related income for the Firm’s mortgage pipeline and warehouse loans, MSRs, and all related hedges; and market-risk related revenue from Asset Management hedges; gains and losses from DVA were excluded.

If JPM had used this old methodology, JPM would have shown the following: "Under this prior measure there were no VaR band breaks nor any trading loss days for the year ended December 31, 2013."

Needless to say, this has never happened before.

So what's wrong with no trading losses: after all a bank works mostly on a flow basis, right, so the customers take on principal risk, right? Wrong.

We already know for a fact that JPM's primary business model until the beaching of the London Whale was abusing excess deposits and using them precisely as prop trading capital. However, for the best picture of the firm's Old Normal trading day win/loss distribution, we go back to JPM's trading day histogram for 2008. This is what it should look like.


Perhaps it is out of shame that JPM did not want to disclose the fact that based on an apples to apples methodology the firm no longer loses money. Any money. Ever. So what did JPM do? Why it introduced oranges of course. From the just released 10-K:

Effective during the fourth quarter of 2013, the Firm revised its definition of market risk-related gains and losses to be consistent with the definition used by the banking regulators under Basel 2.5. Under this definition market risk-related gains and losses are defined as: profits and losses on the Firm’s Risk Management positions, excluding fees, commissions, fair value adjustments, net interest income, and gains and losses arising from intraday trading. The following chart compares the daily market risk-related gains and losses on the Firm’s Risk Management positions for the year ended December 31, 2013, under the revised definition. As the chart presents market risk-related gains and losses related to those positions included in the Firm’s Risk Management VaR, the results in the table below differ from the results of backtesting disclosed in the Firm’s Basel 2.5 report, which are based on Regulatory VaR. The chart shows that for the year ended December 31, 2013, the Firm observed two VaR band breaks and posted gains on 177 of the 260 days in this period.


In other words when one excludes such trivial things as "f,ees, commissions, fair value adjustments, net interest income, and gains and losses arising from intraday trading" and why one would exclude gains and losses from intraday trading when the bulk of JPM's revenue comes precisely from this is beyond us, JPM did in fact lose money. It just didn't lose money when everything is included.

And that, among all the other well-known reasons, is why Jamie Dimon is once again richer than you.

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Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:25 | 4456783 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

they will steal until there is nothing left.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:33 | 4456807 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Maybe those JPMorganites who got 'suicided' have a clue as to why that is the we wouldnt want Jamie to have his trade secrets spilled out to the rest of the street now would we?


We know what we happen in 2014 also

No. of trading day losses = 0

No. of JPM suicides > 5

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:36 | 4456830 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



You don't lose money when the NSA is your employee....umm....I mean partner.


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:37 | 4456845 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:53 | 4456909 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

cue the solicitation phone calls.....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:56 | 4456926 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture


Oh wait...


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:00 | 4456935 jayman21
jayman21's picture

oldie but a goodie

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:07 | 4456966 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

they are so arrogant

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:15 | 4457007 Mr. Chairwoman
Mr. Chairwoman's picture

Further proof that forward guidance and unusual accomodation is working.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:23 | 4457043 Hard1
Hard1's picture

The model of banks is simple.  They are selling a hug out of the money option on a taxpayer bailout.  So they win a a little win a little...and then one day boom.  lose a lot!.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:43 | 4457119 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture
"The Number Of Days In Which JPM Lost Employees Without Parachutes And Nail-Gun Protective Armor In All Of 2014 Is..."


7 - and counting.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:51 | 4457417 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Welcome to the Mourgue, where trading losses hide behind dead bodies.  Where Corzine, a former State Governor and Senator does exactly as he is told.  Where the CEO lies to Congress wearing White House cufflinks.  Where gold is endlessly manipulated by fake reserves that are suppossed to sit at the FRBNY.

Isn't it fun to run the world of finance?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:15 | 4457887 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"Hey! We're not a State sanctioned criminal organization!...We're just really, really fuckin' good at what we do, punk....uh, and we work really REALLY hard!!"

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 01:38 | 4460942 The Vineyard
The Vineyard's picture

We are looking at endless deflation and eternal recession.  So what's a boy to do?  Bastards.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:46 | 4457124 remain calm
remain calm's picture

They have real smart people working there. Jamie Diamond is the best, hard to disagree with Warren, ie, he is under paid. FU old man, you are goingto hell. God won't buy the folky bullshit gig that CNBC swollows.


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:02 | 4457207 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Be of good cheer, my friends.

One of the verities of this galaxy, is that the ferengi always overplay their hands.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:11 | 4457256 Indian_Goldsmith
Indian_Goldsmith's picture

i think i'm getting stockholmy..... I LOVE YOU JAMIE DIMON!!!!!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:53 | 4457440 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

The mining sector is up big today after getting slapped around yesterday for no reason at all.  My guess is JPM had to short some form of gold yesterday, and the bullion market is too tight to do so right now.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 05:03 | 4461129 Bunders
Bunders's picture

William Banzai eat yer heart out

Buffets Friendly Robot Corp

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:17 | 4457017 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

question....if jpm, gs, boaml, et.als never have a losing day, who does?..hedgies, calpers, cities,??

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:21 | 4457035 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

yo bro....its everyone else but mostly the pension funds and tax payers and the future sheep generations.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:29 | 4457082 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

The square root of minus 1

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:58 | 4457190 centerline
centerline's picture

Not a problem.  Government has been dealing with imaginary numbers for decades!  lol.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457506 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Any investor too small to manipulate the market..

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:39 | 4457381 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:55 | 4457449 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Where is Jesus when you need him.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 03:40 | 4461079 SeattleBruce
SeattleBruce's picture

He's there - but we're here for a reason too.  We've got to do our part.  "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"  Edmund Burke

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:58 | 4457774 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

Days on which JPM traders and bankers lost a sliver of their souls = 365

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:38 | 4456850 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

It is good to be the Crony-Capitalist, yes?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:53 | 4456915 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

Funny how James' bloomstein bio does not list his tenure at the NY Fed.


Fuck you James !

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 13:03 | 4462232 screw face
screw face's picture

MOAR's Quantum.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:31 | 4456809 spankthebernank
spankthebernank's picture

or until their legal and/or derivatives exposure ends the firm overnight.  This will be the firm that ends the system as we know it.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:21 | 4457919 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

Like they'll care, drifting blissfully down to Earth in their multi-million $ golden parachutes...
Meanwhile, TSA,NSA. CIA, et al. continue to scan the skies for the Al Quaidan Air Force...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:48 | 4456891 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

It's actually a good thing that they never lose money, because the minute they lose for a day or 2, Oblowhard will greenlight the outright confiscation of savings to offset the losses.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 08:43 | 4461329 G_T_A_44
G_T_A_44's picture

"Oblowhard will greenlight the outright confiscation of savings to offset the losses."

That's coming regardless~

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 04:33 | 4461112 JailBanksters
JailBanksters's picture

JPM could in theory buy every blade of grass, every house, every corporation, every country,every government on the Planet. Your prob'ly thinkin' that's impossible there isn't enough money in existance, true but they just create it and pay it back at pfft % interest per year. Butt, once you own everything in the World, there is nobody to steal from, so they just want to control by shareholder owning less than 50% so they have suckers wealth to steal from. As long as you can control a company, that's all they need.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:26 | 4456786 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture


Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:31 | 4457089 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

correct.   like their pals, Government Electric, they may actually go beyond zero (taxes paid, in GE's case) and get REFUNDS.



Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:26 | 4456787 XAU XAG
XAU XAG's picture



As in "o" Bama

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:43 | 4456875 Mae Kadoodie
Mae Kadoodie's picture

So why are they killing themselves?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:49 | 4456893 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



They're klutzes. Have you ever tried to use a nail gun?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:14 | 4457002 BandGap
BandGap's picture

I have used a nail gun many times. A friend of mine is so good he can kill a woodchuck at 30'. They're semi-automatic, BTW.

If people understood what killing yourself with a nail gun entails, well, JPM had zero losing days last year.

Next up these suicidal bankers will be killing themselves by sawing themselves in half with serrated bread knives.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:30 | 4457087 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

It'll be suicide by tying himself to a chair, stabbing himself in the back 37 times, then throwing himself off his balcony--twice.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:38 | 4457109 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

We'll have to start calling it 'Houdinicide'...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:18 | 4457287 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Believe it..., or NOT

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:18 | 4457289 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Believe it..., or NOT

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:53 | 4456907 mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

Otherwise referred to by one avid Zerohedge reader as the "subhuman mongrel".

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 10:12 | 4456992 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



No's just Uncle Ted.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:13 | 4457267 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

I think Uncle Ted needs to lay off the sauce before his next interview.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 09:27 | 4456791 max2205
max2205's picture

losses in off balance sheet...perfect enon

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