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Thursday Trivia: Why Are Wall Street Economists Paid Millions Of Dollars?

Tyler Durden's picture





 

The answer: to be horrible weathermen.

Behold:

In retrospect, it is hardly surprising that two years ago in a head to head between Joe LaVorgna and the world's most famous weatherman, Groundhog Phil, the Deutsche Bank cheerleader was solidly trounced.

 


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Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:52 | Link to Comment Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

This guy is either very stupid or has no conscience left...

But me thinks - it's both...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | Link to Comment eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Either way, ZH revealed him for what he is...the back end of a donkey.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:04 | Link to Comment linniepar
linniepar's picture

They are paid to dupe people into believing what is real. I.e Paul Krugman.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:07 | Link to Comment aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

the weather?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:26 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

If Joe LaVagina were a WWE wrestler he would be called "The Weatherman".  Bringing loud noise and bright lights where ever he goes!

Joe Lavagina walks into an almost empty stadium.  Only Paul Krugman sits in a chair, eating a large buttered popcorn in a dimly lit arena.

"I am LaVagina and I bring with me the science of economics!  Due to weather problems the economy has fallen short of expectations!"

"Yippie!"  Cheered Paul Krugman.

"But we do have forward guidence - based on stock market prices and manipulated employment records - up for the next 20 quarters!"

"Well said!"  Screamed Krugman.

Then, in a flash, LaVagina ran off of the stage, only to be see next quarter when he would spout the same bullshit.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | Link to Comment jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

obviously, he's over tipping his barber...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:37 | Link to Comment wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

LaVorgna is on zerohedge... his handle is FONESTAR..

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | Link to Comment ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Just BTFBW. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:07 | Link to Comment LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

He looks like Mr. Potato Head not much the barber can do

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:20 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm Groundhog barbering...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:17 | Link to Comment DavrosoftheDaleks
DavrosoftheDaleks's picture

That's a dis to the fine charisma of people like Superstar Billy Graham:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uth3Its6tUA

I'd invest whatever the hell he said I should buy. Actually I hocked my TV after hearing this...

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | Link to Comment Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

A 51% win/lose ratio??

 

Wow, imagine the possibilities you could reap with such an advantage.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:26 | Link to Comment derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

aren't millions minimum wage on wall street?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:45 | Link to Comment Drachma
Drachma's picture

Why not make up the low spread on a high volume of predictions? ;)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:17 | Link to Comment HamRove
HamRove's picture

I remember when Alan Greenspan came out to the media not too long ago and said the economy was "Broken" Suddenly Krugman swooped in and attacked him in a separate article saying Greenspan was the "Worst" FED chairman ever...

This happened late last year.

Krugman tows the banker line, nothing more. His WHORENESS runs deep.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:24 | Link to Comment Rip van Wrinkle
Rip van Wrinkle's picture

The perception deception.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment caShOnlY
caShOnlY's picture

just call him what he is:  DEEP THROAT

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:11 | Link to Comment Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

That works on so many levels....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

This guy LaVorgna looks like he is wearing a beaver on top of his head. Maybe he should have done a deal with Punxsutawney Phil and just let Phil sit on his head and whisper in his ear.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:25 | Link to Comment petolo
petolo's picture

The North end of a donkey heading South or is it the road apples he left behind.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:08 | Link to Comment Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

All economists at these tbtf institutions are sell outs.  they will write whwt their pay masters tell them to

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:33 | Link to Comment Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Young Joseph is a douchebag

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:23 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

Bingo Groundhog Day.  They are paid propagandists.  TPTB tell them their plans.  The Economists are paid to reword it in a form that pretends to be good for the public.  "Ve haf scientific proof zat you vil be richer if only you are poorer!"  ( And apologies to all people out there who speak English with a thick German accent ;)     )

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:31 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

...

"We let you borrow more money.   Now it is "more affordable".

If Marie Antoinette were alive today, she would not allegedly have said, "Let them eat cake".  The media would proudly be proclaiming she said, "Let them eat crumbs."  Proof?  "Trickle-Down Effect".  I never understood how they got away with that one.  It sounded loud and clear to me, so in case there is anyone out there that still doesn't get it, forgive me while I say it again :

"TRICKLE DOWN EFFECT" = "LET THEM EAT CRUMBS".

Why did the media never pick up on that???  Someone should have said it yeeeeeeeeeeears ago. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:34 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

The real economists are unemployed.  The employed economists are propagandists.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:46 | Link to Comment Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Someone needs to seriously spam his twitbutt account.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:17 | Link to Comment Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

@ Obchelli,

Na, he's just a Douche Bag!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:31 | Link to Comment NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

There is no "either...or", it is all "no conscience left".

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:52 | Link to Comment Payne
Payne's picture

Economists are horrible on purpose so that you need JP Morgan and the FED for guidance.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | Link to Comment BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

Their job is to be the fake guy who wins in three card Monte while the mark is watching.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:15 | Link to Comment BandGap
BandGap's picture

Hey, he offers this unique insight for FREE.

In the land of the blind (this guy) the one eyed man is king. Keep both eyes peeled.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:01 | Link to Comment Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

I thought Wall Street controlled the weather? Doesn't Blythe Masters have the remote control to move a commodity markets with a push of a button?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:53 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

LaVorngna looks like a semi-grown white Urkel.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:56 | Link to Comment superflex
superflex's picture

Look at the head on that potato.

Mom needed a few extra stitches after pushing out that alien.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment SteveGennisonBa...
SteveGennisonBallWasher's picture

haha. Love it.  Kinda like Geitner and Beavis.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:08 | Link to Comment superflex
superflex's picture

I bet he liked to burn FRN's and chant Fire, Fire, Fire!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | Link to Comment Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

While using it as TP.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:20 | Link to Comment linniepar
linniepar's picture

For his bunghole.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

The new Al bRoker...weather reports and bad investment advice, all in one!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:53 | Link to Comment OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

You guys missed this one:

 

Feb 19

Jan housing starts fell -16% (880k) while permits were down a lesser -5% (937k). Harsh wintry winter was clearly a factor dampening activity.

 

Harsh wintry winter? WOW

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:15 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

He sounds stoned to me.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:54 | Link to Comment FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

The groundhog is cuter and has more personality as well.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:59 | Link to Comment dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

They both bite.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:55 | Link to Comment Agent P
Agent P's picture

If he loses his job as an economist, he could always get a job as a drive-in movie screen...his forehead is more like a fiveandahalfhead. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:57 | Link to Comment Randoom Thought
Randoom Thought's picture

Silly me ... and I thought it was to give cover to theft and fraud under the guise of superior and reputable education.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | Link to Comment NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

LaVorgna goes to the gun range. His first shot is 5 feet left of the target. Second shot is 5 feet to the right. He yells "BULLSEYE!"

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:08 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

....and he sticks out his hand and says, "Pay me."

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | Link to Comment lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

#askLaVagina

Why for did ONLINE retail sales fall 0.6% in January.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:56 | Link to Comment halfawake
halfawake's picture

weather froze the bits running through the internet.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:19 | Link to Comment ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

^ #AskMt.Gox ^

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:24 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Naw, the token ring fell out of the ethernet cable, see if it's under yer desk...

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 20:53 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

Can't leave out the source:
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1996-05-02

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 20:57 | Link to Comment PT
PT's picture

Yeah.  Everyone knows that cold makes the electrons travel slower!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | Link to Comment Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

Same reason those Psychic Friends sluts became billionaires...

 

Isn't it time for another 'is economics science' essay, btw?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

In favor or opposition?

Because Dr Paul Krugman doesn't write here anymore.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | Link to Comment KickIce
KickIce's picture

Might as well give them pom-poms and a uniform with "Central Bank Cheer Squad" printed on it.

Goooooo Janet, print more money.  CNTR-P, CNTR-P, CNTL-P.

Of course the team mascot would be a bull.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment superflex
superflex's picture

Sounds like something right up William B's alley

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:30 | Link to Comment KickIce
KickIce's picture

Krugman in a cheerleeding outfit might be a bit much for the ZH crowd.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:02 | Link to Comment Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

my guess is that ya'll are enjoying the sideways trading of the only 2 forms of real money after last evenings ridiculous smash to the downside.....

meanwhile, why the fuck is the Dow up????

fucking bullshit everywhere....

carry on.....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:02 | Link to Comment Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Weather forecasters and economic forecasters have great jobs.  When they are wrong it's because of something unexpected.  When they are right they are brilliant forecasters.

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:04 | Link to Comment LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Simple, hyperinflation in the cost of propaganda.  nothing more nothing less...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | Link to Comment Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Ivory Towers and whatnot....

Economics uses such fallacious theories as the "rational consumer theory" - which states all consumers act rationally - that " an increase in technology is an increase in output", and other such flim flam arguments.

Economics will go down in the history books as starting similar to western medicine, where first leaches then pharmaceuticals were sold as cures, but only to find the real solution lies somewhere else.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:24 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

More like WitchDoctors!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | Link to Comment SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Excellant analysis.  What a moran!  My 12 year old could write better prose. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:11 | Link to Comment Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

To paraphrase: 

It is better to be a conventional failure than an unconventional success.

 

Guess who said that? 

Keynes.  And yes, his "theorems" are conventionally failing us now. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | Link to Comment Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Whats up with the world of finance and banking, is it intentional you have to look like a reject from a bad B-list movie?

Look at that fuckers forehead, he doesnt just have dreams and nightmares, he has full on wide screen visions.

Fucking daft looking tosser.

;-)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:19 | Link to Comment Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

."Look at that fuckers forehead, [..] he has full on wide screen visions."

And, it's curved!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | Link to Comment buzzardsluck
buzzardsluck's picture

You forgot to include the word ' cunt' at least once in your post, are you feeling ok today?

 

Lets give ole fivehead a break, if youre correct too much people come to expect success from you.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:17 | Link to Comment Anonymouse
Anonymouse's picture

Wacky weatherman wannabe. (Honk honk)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:18 | Link to Comment general ambivalent
general ambivalent's picture

So does this mean investments in HAARP are open?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I have an APP that will do that. It's called Donkey Bong

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | Link to Comment QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

The internut is brutal

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | Link to Comment BrigstockBoy
BrigstockBoy's picture

Blah, blah, blah climate change
It's LaVorgna who more than strange
He cobbles together
Shit about weather
A charlatan for the exchange

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:34 | Link to Comment DR
DR's picture

Economists-the priesthood of the 1%....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:38 | Link to Comment WaEver
WaEver's picture

Economists will tell you tomorrow why the predictions they made yesterday didn't materialize today

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:41 | Link to Comment ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

Why?  Because people cannot make decisions on their own, and would rather have someone tell them what to do, even if they are wrong.

 

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:41 | Link to Comment Hulk
Hulk's picture

Weather or not this bothers you is you're problem !!!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:43 | Link to Comment kurt
kurt's picture

I made a poop that looks like his head.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:43 | Link to Comment kurt
kurt's picture

I made a poop that looks like his head.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:44 | Link to Comment NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

They are paid millions, because economics -like politics, religion, spatter-art, and romance - requires the creation of bullshit for the dumbasses and economists create economic bullshit.

All of life is about manipulating dumbasses with bullshit.    Those who add value with bullshit WILL be highly paid.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:47 | Link to Comment Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

There was a once touted datum about the internet that roughly stated that:

27% of everything written on the internet is false.

I wish I could remember the source for that (sigh) - but it strikes me that a higher than average proportion of this BS is perpetrated on Twatter and Goggle - espescially the latter, with ist perverted, subverted search algo.

If I sound unduly crabby - I blame it on the crappy weather too. Seems fashionable.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:10 | Link to Comment ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

"The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy."  (Abraham Lincoln, 1864)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:58 | Link to Comment Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I wonder how many people realize you can actually trade OTC derivatives and futures based on weather indices:

 http://www.cmegroup.com/trading/weather/

These products can potentially be used as a hedge against adverse or abnormal weather. I suspect one of the reasons guys like Joe keep bringing up weather as an economic threat is to drive people to trade these products more.

These products have never become very popular among true hedgers engaged in agriculture, energy distribution, insurance underwriting, etc. One reason is that they tend to have very high basis risk.

They’ve never become very popular among Wall Street firms either. I suspect the reasons for that are:

A: Unlike other financial indices, even extreme weather indices have natural boundaries (a forex rate can go to zero, and interest rates can go to 150%, but, there will never be a day in Miami where the high temperature reaches 150 degrees F.

B: Unlike other financial indices, weather indices are determined by Mother Nature, and can’t be manipulated by TBTF firms to their advantage.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:54 | Link to Comment kurt
kurt's picture

It works for insiders; the ones who know the cloud seeding and haarp schedule and are briefed on the computer model conclusion. The power companies pay into the system, subscribers you might say. It helps to know when there will be a polar vortex.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:57 | Link to Comment Smiley
Smiley's picture

They are paid millions because that is the going rate for being a sock-puppet-spokes-hole.  Good gig if you can get it.  Just ask the president.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:31 | Link to Comment Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Duplicate.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:01 | Link to Comment Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 

I just took a giant 'Joe La Vorgna' and feel much better now.

That shill was on the blow horn yesterday calling for 3.1% GDP growth still this year.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:11 | Link to Comment q99x2
q99x2's picture

We had Stopler as our best advisor up until a couple of weeks ago. He was about the best as long as you took positions opposite of his advice.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:45 | Link to Comment One of We
One of We's picture

Soft lips?  Warm hands?  Enthusiastic ankle grabber?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:47 | Link to Comment Remnant_Army
Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:48 | Link to Comment thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

joseph lavorgna, what a mother fucking douchebag.

 

wow, this fucker deserves to be shot to death.

 

fuck this bastard.

 

blame the weather weather weather weather for everything

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:09 | Link to Comment yogibear
yogibear's picture

Money for nothing, checks for free. Create money from thin air and buy stuff with it. The Fed.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:40 | Link to Comment bondman1
bondman1's picture

Whethersoever, neither nor

Future guessing Wall Street whore

Useless pundit, nothing more

Banking millions, we deplore

Shilling to the thoughtless dupe

Proffered by his sales troop

Veiled as an inside scoop

Nothing more than useless poop

Economists and weathermen

Deceive us over and again

Twice correct when guesseth ten

Sticketh Muppets up rear-end

Your learned words from which we run

Prove once again the Wall Street pun

More wealth is stolen, when a day’s works done

With your recommendations than with a gun!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:23 | Link to Comment Random_Robert
Random_Robert's picture

Duh -It's all just as simple as: 

Ukraine:  Weather.

Greece: Weather

Argentina: Weather

Venzuela:  Weather

Brazil:  Weather (Whoops -  this one actually IS weather/drought related)

China/Japan posturing:  Weather

False US Left-Right paradigm, and bogus political gamesmanship covering for the real financial ruling class actively driving the US into the toilet..?   Weather, Bitchez.

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:42 | Link to Comment Less than Zero
Less than Zero's picture

My dog ate my weather.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

lol

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | Link to Comment perelmanfan
perelmanfan's picture

When stocks suck it's because of bad weather.

When stocks soar it's because of a true, sustainable economic recovery.

Create 100 variations of each statement - preload in Twitter to track market's ups and downs - head to Bermuda.

Easy gig, if you have the requisite moral bankruptcy.

 

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:33 | Link to Comment NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

Someone should just put the guy to sleep finally. Waste of space, oxygen, internet traffic, money, toilet paper, water, etc etc

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:33 | Link to Comment NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

Someone should just put the guy to sleep finally. Waste of space, oxygen, internet traffic, money, toilet paper, water, etc etc

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:42 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open hearted
Not so coldly charted
It's really just a question of your honesty, yeah
Your honesty
One likes to believe in the freedom of music
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity

[Chorus]

For the words of the prophets were written on the studio wall
Concert hall
And echoes with the sounds of salesmen... [/Spirit of the Radio]

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:07 | Link to Comment Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

Yeah salesmen!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:54 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Groundhogs Day is a cross quarter date. There are always 6 weeks of winter left.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:21 | Link to Comment Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

It's good to be an economist. You just have to remember the rules.

Rule #1 Keynesian economics works.

Rule #2 Twist the facts to fit the Keynesian model.

Rule #3 If that doesn't work, then simply lie.

Congratulations, you are an economist, and a position is waiting for you at the Fed, GS or JPM.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:14 | Link to Comment TrustbutVerify
TrustbutVerify's picture

Point the fingers at his employer.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:04 | Link to Comment KashNCarry
KashNCarry's picture

Phil is now his employer...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:19 | Link to Comment Palladin
Palladin's picture

.

 

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

 

Bob Dylan

1965

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:11 | Link to Comment Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

A: Cause they are Salesmen with serious-sounding credentials. 

But then, having an 'MD' or PhD sound impressive also... till you find it's from some 3rd rate school.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:12 | Link to Comment Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

#weather

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:17 | Link to Comment chump666
chump666's picture

Economics

hahahahahahahaah my goodness, to think that f*cking hustling hero of these buttercups is Keynes.

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 01:53 | Link to Comment Amagnonx
Amagnonx's picture

Win rate 51% - statistically flipping a coin is just as accurate, far easier - and infinitely cheaper.

 

It would be ironic justice if he died via lightening strike - after all the bad mouthing he has been giving the weather, its due some payback.

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