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Thursday Trivia: Why Are Wall Street Economists Paid Millions Of Dollars?

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The answer: to be horrible weathermen.

Behold:

In retrospect, it is hardly surprising that two years ago in a head to head between Joe LaVorgna and the world's most famous weatherman, Groundhog Phil, the Deutsche Bank cheerleader was solidly trounced.

 

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Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:52 | 4457433 Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

This guy is either very stupid or has no conscience left...

But me thinks - it's both...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | 4457477 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Either way, ZH revealed him for what he is...the back end of a donkey.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:04 | 4457490 linniepar
linniepar's picture

They are paid to dupe people into believing what is real. I.e Paul Krugman.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:07 | 4457509 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

the weather?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:26 | 4457532 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

If Joe LaVagina were a WWE wrestler he would be called "The Weatherman".  Bringing loud noise and bright lights where ever he goes!

Joe Lavagina walks into an almost empty stadium.  Only Paul Krugman sits in a chair, eating a large buttered popcorn in a dimly lit arena.

"I am LaVagina and I bring with me the science of economics!  Due to weather problems the economy has fallen short of expectations!"

"Yippie!"  Cheered Paul Krugman.

"But we do have forward guidence - based on stock market prices and manipulated employment records - up for the next 20 quarters!"

"Well said!"  Screamed Krugman.

Then, in a flash, LaVagina ran off of the stage, only to be see next quarter when he would spout the same bullshit.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | 4457594 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

obviously, he's over tipping his barber...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:37 | 4458468 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

LaVorgna is on zerohedge... his handle is FONESTAR..

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | 4459404 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Just BTFBW. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:07 | 4459433 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture

 

 

He looks like Mr. Potato Head not much the barber can do

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:20 | 4461183 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm Groundhog barbering...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:17 | 4458292 DavrosoftheDaleks
DavrosoftheDaleks's picture

That's a dis to the fine charisma of people like Superstar Billy Graham:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uth3Its6tUA

I'd invest whatever the hell he said I should buy. Actually I hocked my TV after hearing this...

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | 4457547 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

A 51% win/lose ratio??

 

Wow, imagine the possibilities you could reap with such an advantage.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:26 | 4457587 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

aren't millions minimum wage on wall street?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:45 | 4457692 Drachma
Drachma's picture

Why not make up the low spread on a high volume of predictions? ;)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:17 | 4457553 HamRove
HamRove's picture

I remember when Alan Greenspan came out to the media not too long ago and said the economy was "Broken" Suddenly Krugman swooped in and attacked him in a separate article saying Greenspan was the "Worst" FED chairman ever...

This happened late last year.

Krugman tows the banker line, nothing more. His WHORENESS runs deep.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:24 | 4459743 Rip van Wrinkle
Rip van Wrinkle's picture

The perception deception.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457500 caShOnlY
caShOnlY's picture

just call him what he is:  DEEP THROAT

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:11 | 4457528 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

That works on so many levels....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457502 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

This guy LaVorgna looks like he is wearing a beaver on top of his head. Maybe he should have done a deal with Punxsutawney Phil and just let Phil sit on his head and whisper in his ear.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:25 | 4457579 petolo
petolo's picture

The North end of a donkey heading South or is it the road apples he left behind.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:08 | 4457835 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

All economists at these tbtf institutions are sell outs.  they will write whwt their pay masters tell them to

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:33 | 4459985 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Young Joseph is a douchebag

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:23 | 4460655 PT
PT's picture

Bingo Groundhog Day.  They are paid propagandists.  TPTB tell them their plans.  The Economists are paid to reword it in a form that pretends to be good for the public.  "Ve haf scientific proof zat you vil be richer if only you are poorer!"  ( And apologies to all people out there who speak English with a thick German accent ;)     )

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:31 | 4460680 PT
PT's picture

...

"We let you borrow more money.   Now it is "more affordable".

If Marie Antoinette were alive today, she would not allegedly have said, "Let them eat cake".  The media would proudly be proclaiming she said, "Let them eat crumbs."  Proof?  "Trickle-Down Effect".  I never understood how they got away with that one.  It sounded loud and clear to me, so in case there is anyone out there that still doesn't get it, forgive me while I say it again :

"TRICKLE DOWN EFFECT" = "LET THEM EAT CRUMBS".

Why did the media never pick up on that???  Someone should have said it yeeeeeeeeeeears ago. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 23:34 | 4460692 PT
PT's picture

The real economists are unemployed.  The employed economists are propagandists.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:46 | 4459117 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Someone needs to seriously spam his twitbutt account.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:17 | 4459473 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

@ Obchelli,

Na, he's just a Douche Bag!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:31 | 4459524 NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

There is no "either...or", it is all "no conscience left".

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:52 | 4457435 Payne
Payne's picture

Economists are horrible on purpose so that you need JP Morgan and the FED for guidance.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | 4457473 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

Their job is to be the fake guy who wins in three card Monte while the mark is watching.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:15 | 4457543 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Hey, he offers this unique insight for FREE.

In the land of the blind (this guy) the one eyed man is king. Keep both eyes peeled.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:01 | 4458926 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

I thought Wall Street controlled the weather? Doesn't Blythe Masters have the remote control to move a commodity markets with a push of a button?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:53 | 4457436 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

LaVorngna looks like a semi-grown white Urkel.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:56 | 4457457 superflex
superflex's picture

Look at the head on that potato.

Mom needed a few extra stitches after pushing out that alien.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457504 SteveGennisonBa...
SteveGennisonBallWasher's picture

haha. Love it.  Kinda like Geitner and Beavis.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:08 | 4457518 superflex
superflex's picture

I bet he liked to burn FRN's and chant Fire, Fire, Fire!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | 4457549 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

While using it as TP.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:20 | 4457562 linniepar
linniepar's picture

For his bunghole.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | 4457474 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

The new Al bRoker...weather reports and bad investment advice, all in one!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:53 | 4457442 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

You guys missed this one:

 

Feb 19

Jan housing starts fell -16% (880k) while permits were down a lesser -5% (937k). Harsh wintry winter was clearly a factor dampening activity.

 

Harsh wintry winter? WOW

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:15 | 4457544 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

He sounds stoned to me.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:54 | 4457444 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

The groundhog is cuter and has more personality as well.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:59 | 4457786 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

They both bite.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:55 | 4457453 Agent P
Agent P's picture

If he loses his job as an economist, he could always get a job as a drive-in movie screen...his forehead is more like a fiveandahalfhead. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 11:57 | 4457458 Randoom Thought
Randoom Thought's picture

Silly me ... and I thought it was to give cover to theft and fraud under the guise of superior and reputable education.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:00 | 4457465 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

LaVorgna goes to the gun range. His first shot is 5 feet left of the target. Second shot is 5 feet to the right. He yells "BULLSEYE!"

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:08 | 4457513 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

....and he sticks out his hand and says, "Pay me."

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | 4457478 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

#askLaVagina

Why for did ONLINE retail sales fall 0.6% in January.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:56 | 4458598 halfawake
halfawake's picture

weather froze the bits running through the internet.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:19 | 4459476 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

^ #AskMt.Gox ^

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:24 | 4461187 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Naw, the token ring fell out of the ethernet cable, see if it's under yer desk...

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 20:53 | 4463820 PT
PT's picture

Can't leave out the source:
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1996-05-02

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 20:57 | 4463832 PT
PT's picture

Yeah.  Everyone knows that cold makes the electrons travel slower!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | 4457481 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

Same reason those Psychic Friends sluts became billionaires...

 

Isn't it time for another 'is economics science' essay, btw?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457505 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

In favor or opposition?

Because Dr Paul Krugman doesn't write here anymore.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:01 | 4457482 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Might as well give them pom-poms and a uniform with "Central Bank Cheer Squad" printed on it.

Goooooo Janet, print more money.  CNTR-P, CNTR-P, CNTL-P.

Of course the team mascot would be a bull.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457493 superflex
superflex's picture

Sounds like something right up William B's alley

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:30 | 4457609 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Krugman in a cheerleeding outfit might be a bit much for the ZH crowd.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:02 | 4457484 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

my guess is that ya'll are enjoying the sideways trading of the only 2 forms of real money after last evenings ridiculous smash to the downside.....

meanwhile, why the fuck is the Dow up????

fucking bullshit everywhere....

carry on.....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:02 | 4457486 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Weather forecasters and economic forecasters have great jobs.  When they are wrong it's because of something unexpected.  When they are right they are brilliant forecasters.

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:04 | 4457489 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Simple, hyperinflation in the cost of propaganda.  nothing more nothing less...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | 4457492 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Ivory Towers and whatnot....

Economics uses such fallacious theories as the "rational consumer theory" - which states all consumers act rationally - that " an increase in technology is an increase in output", and other such flim flam arguments.

Economics will go down in the history books as starting similar to western medicine, where first leaches then pharmaceuticals were sold as cures, but only to find the real solution lies somewhere else.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 06:24 | 4461188 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

More like WitchDoctors!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:06 | 4457503 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Excellant analysis.  What a moran!  My 12 year old could write better prose. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:11 | 4457525 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

To paraphrase: 

It is better to be a conventional failure than an unconventional success.

 

Guess who said that? 

Keynes.  And yes, his "theorems" are conventionally failing us now. 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:16 | 4457550 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Whats up with the world of finance and banking, is it intentional you have to look like a reject from a bad B-list movie?

Look at that fuckers forehead, he doesnt just have dreams and nightmares, he has full on wide screen visions.

Fucking daft looking tosser.

;-)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:19 | 4457558 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

."Look at that fuckers forehead, [..] he has full on wide screen visions."

And, it's curved!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | 4457564 buzzardsluck
buzzardsluck's picture

You forgot to include the word ' cunt' at least once in your post, are you feeling ok today?

 

Lets give ole fivehead a break, if youre correct too much people come to expect success from you.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:17 | 4457551 Anonymouse
Anonymouse's picture

Wacky weatherman wannabe. (Honk honk)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:18 | 4457555 general ambivalent
general ambivalent's picture

So does this mean investments in HAARP are open?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:21 | 4457565 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I have an APP that will do that. It's called Donkey Bong

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | 4457590 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

The internut is brutal

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:27 | 4457591 BrigstockBoy
BrigstockBoy's picture

Blah, blah, blah climate change
It's LaVorgna who more than strange
He cobbles together
Shit about weather
A charlatan for the exchange

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:34 | 4457632 DR
DR's picture

Economists-the priesthood of the 1%....

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:38 | 4457652 WaEver
WaEver's picture

Economists will tell you tomorrow why the predictions they made yesterday didn't materialize today

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:41 | 4457669 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

Why?  Because people cannot make decisions on their own, and would rather have someone tell them what to do, even if they are wrong.

 

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:41 | 4457670 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Weather or not this bothers you is you're problem !!!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:43 | 4457680 kurt
kurt's picture

I made a poop that looks like his head.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:43 | 4457684 kurt
kurt's picture

I made a poop that looks like his head.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:44 | 4457690 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

They are paid millions, because economics -like politics, religion, spatter-art, and romance - requires the creation of bullshit for the dumbasses and economists create economic bullshit.

All of life is about manipulating dumbasses with bullshit.    Those who add value with bullshit WILL be highly paid.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:47 | 4457705 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

There was a once touted datum about the internet that roughly stated that:

27% of everything written on the internet is false.

I wish I could remember the source for that (sigh) - but it strikes me that a higher than average proportion of this BS is perpetrated on Twatter and Goggle - espescially the latter, with ist perverted, subverted search algo.

If I sound unduly crabby - I blame it on the crappy weather too. Seems fashionable.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:10 | 4459443 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

"The problem with internet quotes is that you can't always depend on their accuracy."  (Abraham Lincoln, 1864)

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:58 | 4457757 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I wonder how many people realize you can actually trade OTC derivatives and futures based on weather indices:

 http://www.cmegroup.com/trading/weather/

These products can potentially be used as a hedge against adverse or abnormal weather. I suspect one of the reasons guys like Joe keep bringing up weather as an economic threat is to drive people to trade these products more.

These products have never become very popular among true hedgers engaged in agriculture, energy distribution, insurance underwriting, etc. One reason is that they tend to have very high basis risk.

They’ve never become very popular among Wall Street firms either. I suspect the reasons for that are:

A: Unlike other financial indices, even extreme weather indices have natural boundaries (a forex rate can go to zero, and interest rates can go to 150%, but, there will never be a day in Miami where the high temperature reaches 150 degrees F.

B: Unlike other financial indices, weather indices are determined by Mother Nature, and can’t be manipulated by TBTF firms to their advantage.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:54 | 4458150 kurt
kurt's picture

It works for insiders; the ones who know the cloud seeding and haarp schedule and are briefed on the computer model conclusion. The power companies pay into the system, subscribers you might say. It helps to know when there will be a polar vortex.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 12:57 | 4457765 Smiley
Smiley's picture

They are paid millions because that is the going rate for being a sock-puppet-spokes-hole.  Good gig if you can get it.  Just ask the president.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:31 | 4457779 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Duplicate.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:01 | 4457792 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 

I just took a giant 'Joe La Vorgna' and feel much better now.

That shill was on the blow horn yesterday calling for 3.1% GDP growth still this year.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:11 | 4457857 q99x2
q99x2's picture

We had Stopler as our best advisor up until a couple of weeks ago. He was about the best as long as you took positions opposite of his advice.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:45 | 4458074 One of We
One of We's picture

Soft lips?  Warm hands?  Enthusiastic ankle grabber?

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:47 | 4458088 Remnant_Army
Thu, 02/20/2014 - 13:48 | 4458099 thismarketisrigged
thismarketisrigged's picture

joseph lavorgna, what a mother fucking douchebag.

 

wow, this fucker deserves to be shot to death.

 

fuck this bastard.

 

blame the weather weather weather weather for everything

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:09 | 4458240 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Money for nothing, checks for free. Create money from thin air and buy stuff with it. The Fed.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 14:40 | 4458494 bondman1
bondman1's picture

Whethersoever, neither nor

Future guessing Wall Street whore

Useless pundit, nothing more

Banking millions, we deplore

Shilling to the thoughtless dupe

Proffered by his sales troop

Veiled as an inside scoop

Nothing more than useless poop

Economists and weathermen

Deceive us over and again

Twice correct when guesseth ten

Sticketh Muppets up rear-end

Your learned words from which we run

Prove once again the Wall Street pun

More wealth is stolen, when a day’s works done

With your recommendations than with a gun!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 16:23 | 4459020 Random_Robert
Random_Robert's picture

Duh -It's all just as simple as: 

Ukraine:  Weather.

Greece: Weather

Argentina: Weather

Venzuela:  Weather

Brazil:  Weather (Whoops -  this one actually IS weather/drought related)

China/Japan posturing:  Weather

False US Left-Right paradigm, and bogus political gamesmanship covering for the real financial ruling class actively driving the US into the toilet..?   Weather, Bitchez.

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:42 | 4459340 Less than Zero
Less than Zero's picture

My dog ate my weather.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | 4459405 resurger
resurger's picture

lol

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 17:58 | 4459407 perelmanfan
perelmanfan's picture

When stocks suck it's because of bad weather.

When stocks soar it's because of a true, sustainable economic recovery.

Create 100 variations of each statement - preload in Twitter to track market's ups and downs - head to Bermuda.

Easy gig, if you have the requisite moral bankruptcy.

 

 

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:33 | 4459532 NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

Someone should just put the guy to sleep finally. Waste of space, oxygen, internet traffic, money, toilet paper, water, etc etc

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:33 | 4459533 NoPasaran
NoPasaran's picture

Someone should just put the guy to sleep finally. Waste of space, oxygen, internet traffic, money, toilet paper, water, etc etc

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:42 | 4459564 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

All this machinery making modern music
Can still be open hearted
Not so coldly charted
It's really just a question of your honesty, yeah
Your honesty
One likes to believe in the freedom of music
But glittering prizes and endless compromises
Shatter the illusion of integrity

[Chorus]

For the words of the prophets were written on the studio wall
Concert hall
And echoes with the sounds of salesmen... [/Spirit of the Radio]

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:07 | 4459676 Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

Yeah salesmen!

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 18:54 | 4459628 fuu
fuu's picture

Groundhogs Day is a cross quarter date. There are always 6 weeks of winter left.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:21 | 4459695 Debt Slave
Debt Slave's picture

It's good to be an economist. You just have to remember the rules.

Rule #1 Keynesian economics works.

Rule #2 Twist the facts to fit the Keynesian model.

Rule #3 If that doesn't work, then simply lie.

Congratulations, you are an economist, and a position is waiting for you at the Fed, GS or JPM.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 19:14 | 4459705 TrustbutVerify
TrustbutVerify's picture

Point the fingers at his employer.  

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:04 | 4459880 KashNCarry
KashNCarry's picture

Phil is now his employer...

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 20:19 | 4459934 Palladin
Palladin's picture

.

 

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

 

Bob Dylan

1965

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:11 | 4460120 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

A: Cause they are Salesmen with serious-sounding credentials. 

But then, having an 'MD' or PhD sound impressive also... till you find it's from some 3rd rate school.

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:12 | 4460129 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

#weather

Thu, 02/20/2014 - 21:17 | 4460145 chump666
chump666's picture

Economics

hahahahahahahaah my goodness, to think that f*cking hustling hero of these buttercups is Keynes.

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 01:53 | 4460962 Amagnonx
Amagnonx's picture

Win rate 51% - statistically flipping a coin is just as accurate, far easier - and infinitely cheaper.

 

It would be ironic justice if he died via lightening strike - after all the bad mouthing he has been giving the weather, its due some payback.

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