The NY Fed Is Hiring: A Gold Vault Custody Analyst, Must Be "Able To Physically Lift Valuables"

Tyler Durden's picture

This is about as funny as it gets, and certainly no commentary needed.

From a job posting in

Area Overview

The Financial Services Group (FSG) operates and oversees payments system processing for the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. The FSG provides depository institutions with various payment services, including electronically transferring funds and distributing and receiving currency and coin and other valuables, as part of its central banking mission to ensure an efficient, effective and accessible payments system. Its goal is to be the most trusted and respected provider of financial services in the world.

An important and unique service provided by the New York Fed is safekeeping Gold. Various foreign governments, central banks, and international organizations entrust the FRBNY with safeguarding and storing their monetary gold reserves. The Gold Vault is currently the world’s largest accumulation of gold, is visited by over 25,000 members of the public each year, and is part of the Cash and Custody Function.

The Gold Vault is currently looking to fill the position of Gold Vault Custody Analyst. A Gold Vault Custody Analyst is charged with performing all of the critical responsibilities associated with safekeeping, accounting for, and displaying all gold entrusted to the FRBNY.

Job Responsibilities

  • Open & close the Gold Vault on a daily basis
  • Account for all gold holdings using the Gold Vault System
  •  Coordinate and facilitate periodic audits of gold holdings for various agencies and central banks
  •  Administer the Public Window to receive/pay and account for limited currency and coin transactions
  •  Maintain and update Gold Vault access rosters
  •  Conduct periodic sales of new-issue coins and currency types
  •  Coordinate all arrangements for gold movements and shipments as directed by Central Bank Services
  •  Manage and coordinate allocation of compartments for storage of valuables for various Bank functions
  •  Ensure the Gold Vault stays well-maintained and fully operational
  •  Provide detailed tours of the Gold Vault for foreign dignitaries, VIPs, and Bank Officers and their guests; Coordinate and facilitate public tours given by economic education


  •     Undergraduate degree or equivalent work experience
  •     Strong interpersonal skills and ability to work well as a member of a team
  •     Able to present and communicate effectively with multiple groups and organizations with the appropriate decorum
  •     Strong coordination skills
  •     Exceptional customer service skills and ability to interact well with a diverse customer/ stakeholder base
  •     Strong analytical thinking and problem solving skills
  •     Strong PC skills to include MS Word, MS Excel, MS Visio, etc.
  •     Strong ability to complete daily tasks and assignments with minimal supervisory intervention
  •     Acute sense of attention to detail and ability to keep detailed notes and records of work performed
  •     Familiarity with basic accounting and record-keeping principles
  •     Ability to work within established guidelines and regulations
  •     Willing to work overtime on a limited, as-needed basis
  •     Able to physically lift valuables (approx 50 lbs)[ZH: or about two bars of gold-plated Tungsten]

h/t Ro

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
williambanzai7's picture


Ponzi can surely attest
The gold in the vault is the best
But then he checked leases
For 10 times the pieces
And said: "Now I'm really impressed!!!"

The Limerick King

SilverRhino's picture

A fucking METALS custodian needs a 4 year degree?????? 

How to demonstrate that college is fucking worthless in this day and age.   

Max Damage's picture

What is the successful candidates life expectancy?

Ignatius's picture

35 +/- if one works for JPM.

Divided States of America's picture

Also missing that the person CANNOT be of German descent.

BaBaBouy's picture

"""The Gold Vault is currently the world’s largest accumulation of gold, is visited by over 25,000 members of the public each year"""

Huh? Thats Funny, And Independant AUDITORS Are Barred???

Divided States of America's picture

Somebody below mentioned that this role is ultimately set up as a fall guy...thats right...once Germany's gold is somehow lost (big surprise)....they will blame it on the Gold Vault Custody Analyst and lay blame on the poor soul. I hope competitive salary takes into account of being hunted down in the future and going to jail for life OR accidental 'suicide'.

BaBaBouy's picture

WANTED... Another GOLD Vault Shlepper...

(i.e. The Last One (Apparently) Committed Suicide)

Mr. Lucky's picture
  • Able to physically lift valuables (approx 50 lbs) 
     Must be a non-union job
  • TruthHunter's picture
    Able to physically lift valuables

     Definition: Lift     steal (something, esp. a minor item of property). "the shirt she had lifted from a supermarket"
    gmrpeabody's picture

    "A fucking METALS custodian needs a 4 year degree??????"

    You need to show that you have been fed enough BS to be sufficiently dumbed-down....

    derek_vineyard's picture

    is there any physical metal there?  paper doesn't weigh much. 

    johnQpublic's picture

    The Gold Vault is currently looking to fill the position of Gold Vault Custody Analyst. A Gold Vault Custody Analyst is charged with performing all of the critical responsibilities associated with safekeeping, accounting for, and displaying all tungsten entrusted to the FRBNY.



    there, fixed it for ya

    Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

    In order to audit remaining gold stocks, applicant must have experience with microscopes

    FEDbuster's picture

    Too bad Benny went to Brookings, he could kept himself busy giving tours of the vault and dusting off the bars of "barbarous relic".

    StychoKiller's picture

    There might be some physical gold there, but when 100 people show up to claim the same bar -- knowledge of fisticuffs might be another job-skill to have on hand...

    TahoeBilly2012's picture

    Must not be afraid of heights...

    Debugas's picture

    what are they sniffing there ?

    Meat Hammer's picture

    Must be proficient with nail gun for all the gold, which is safely in the vault and nowhere else, if that's what you're implying.

    jimmytorpedo's picture

    The last one jumped to his death out of a -6th floor basement vault.

    mickeyman's picture

    When the say "lift", what exactly do they mean?

    Oops, didn't see Truthhunter's response.

    Anasteus's picture

    h) Drinking alcohol and usage of any sort of ultrasonic thickness gauge equipment is STRICTLY prohibited!

    CrazyCooter's picture

    First day on the job...

    Boss: Ok, it said you can lift valuables. Pick up this bag and hold it.

    Employee: Ok, like this?

    Boss: Perfect. We have to go to an important out of town meeting, you just hold that bag while we are gone, ok?

    Employee: Ok.

    Boss: <leaves>

    Employee: Hey, this place looks empty. What's that smell?



    optimator's picture

    William B can illustrate that one for you.

    Colonel Klink's picture

    Gave him citizenship after he fled under murder charges.  Just goes to show you they'll admit murders as citizens so long as they're part of the club.

    CONgress threatened to withdraw aid, now THAT'S a hoot!  Our government handlers would never have allowed that.

    BaBaBouy's picture

    Prime Job Skill: Must Be Able To DISGUISE TUNGSTEN.

    Zero Debt's picture

    If they can see the difference between tungsten and gold, better fire them.

    NEOSERF's picture

    However, the ability to "lift" and pocket metals is absolutely imperative as it will make the subsequent congressional commissions more plausible if the disappearance of the metals came as a result of someone "physically able".  Perk...job comes with behorned hat worthy of a scapegoat.

    Sudden Debt's picture

    It better be 100 years because after he goes in, they'll close the vault's doors for 50 years.







    Zero Debt's picture

    Well, by then we will surely know if gold is edible.

    Pickleton's picture

    That was my first thought as well, but wouldn't you think that they'd pay these guys pretty decently?  Maybe not 150K a year, but wouldn't you want to take care of the guys that are going to accumulate intimate knowledge of your vaults, schedules, security procedures, etc?





    Pickleton's picture

    another dbl post. 




    Sudden Debt's picture


    A blind man will do also...

    BLOTTO's picture

    Dont companies usually offer internal applicants the opportunity to apply before going external?


    Therefore, if thats the case, no one within wanted the job...

    BLOTTO's picture

    The real question is - who watches the gold vault custody analyst...and then who watches that person?


    'In Vegas, everybody's gotta watch everybody else. Since the players are looking to beat the casino, the dealers are watching the players. The box men are watching the dealers. The floor men are watching the box men. The pit bosses are watching the floor men. The shift bosses are watching the pit bosses. The casino manager is watching the shift bosses. I'm watching the casino manager. And the eye-in-the-sky is watching us all.'

    ~ (Ace R.) Casino

    Pladizow's picture

    Must Be "Able To Physically Lift Valuables"

    Yeah - PAPER and ether bits are heavy!

    TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

    Must be able to turn lead into gold.

    Must be able to make one gold bar look like ninety gold bars.

    Must have at least three years experience in gold electroplating.

    Zero Debt's picture

    Must be able to pitch the official storage figures to inquisitive tea baggers.

    Must be able to handle stinking German journalists.

    Must be able to meaningfully influence and defuse the debate among right-wing extremists and fringe bloggers supporting gold backed money.

    Oh regional Indian's picture

    @ 4th St... on first pass I read in your comment: three years experience in gold evaporating.... and it looked just about right.

    robertsgt40's picture

    Popeye's Olive Oil could lift all the fed's gold with one hand. Tungsten is another matter. LMAO

    Dr. Destructo's picture

    "How to demonstrate that college is fucking worthless in this day and age."

    Chains are never worthless to the slave owner.

    Smegley Wanxalot's picture

    Bitcoins are lighter than tungsten

    SWRichmond's picture

    You beat me to it..." Must be able to lift tungsten".

    Harbanger's picture

    Must be able to run with a loaded wheel barrel to airport.

    Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

    Must be able to look the other way as necessary.

    krispkritter's picture

     'Prior employment at Ft. Knox a plus.'

    Zero Debt's picture

    Must be able to say, through a beard, moustache or otherwise academic prop, with a thoughtful yet firm tone of voice - "It depends"

    Cacete de Ouro's picture

    Must be able to open and close the tunnel to the JP Morgan vault (across the street) on a daily basis