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    This past Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of the US stock market’s death when stocks saw their last high. Market bulls have spent a year looking like the walking dead. They’ve...

JPM To Lay Off 17,000 Mortgage Bankers In 2013 And 2014, Because The "Housing Recovery"

Tyler Durden's picture


The last time JPMorga had an investor day, Jamie Dimon explained to Mike Mayo why he is richer than him (and pretty much anyone else). This year, Jamie will be more focused on explaining to 8,000 JPM workers why after firing 16,500 people in consumer and mortgage banking, the bank will now let go another 2K and 6K in those same two groups (which will bring total mortgage and consumer banking headcount reductions between 2013 and 2014 to at least 17K and 7.5K, respectively). This may be tricky especially in the context of, you know, the housing and economic recovery, and stuff.

Source:  JPMorgan

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Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:27 | 4474762 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

But, it's all good!  Right?

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:28 | 4474772 Levadiakos
Levadiakos's picture

As long as Jamie's bonus is safe it's all good

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:32 | 4474785 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

these are the lucky ones. pink slip without the nail gun...

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:38 | 4474807 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Not saved or created the bankers jobs?

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:53 | 4474815 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Burger flipping is a lot like paper pushing. Good luck motherfuckers!

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:01 | 4474892 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Except that burger flipping adds value. Pushing paper... not so much.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:06 | 4474907 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Lead headline on Yahoo:


Housing outlook "still very positive," says PIMCO's Kiesel

Idiots..... the propoganda must continue.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:29 | 4475283 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

Saw that as well, gave me my morning laugh over coffee.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:37 | 4474812 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

the important metric is assets-under-management

not employees-under-management

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:50 | 4474853 Murf_DaSurf
Murf_DaSurf's picture




Better spin up the Suicide Hotline

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:57 | 4474876 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

how long before the machines realize Jamie's salary restricts their stock trading and jamie is forced out?

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:29 | 4474977 RSloane
RSloane's picture

Not going to ever happen. Dimon has the full support of the WH and has been praised by Obama several times. He has way too much political and international banking power. It would be nice though if he was 'dispensed with'.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:35 | 4474997 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

With a nail gun starting at his balls. 

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:29 | 4475288 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

No fun if it's not on live TV. 

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:39 | 4475334 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

Not going to ever happen...



Agreed.  It's more likely the in bedded publicists at Bloomberg will allow his residence be described as a "compound" before the administration disavows their allegiance to him.  They have yet to say, or allowed to be said, anything derogatory about our last architect of The Great Recovery, the Honourable J. Corzine.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 13:46 | 4476171 Atlas Crapped
Atlas Crapped's picture

But at least if you get the nail gun, the BLS report remains the same because you get recategorized as "no longer seeking employment".

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 12:02 | 4475464 PacOps
PacOps's picture


"As long as Jamie's bonus is safe it's all good"


Was or is it ever in doubt?

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 17:04 | 4477214 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

It might be in jeopardy if one of the little banksters decides to pay Dimon back (with a nail gun would be nice - one can always hope).

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 16:57 | 4477183 screw face
screw face's picture

Jamie is Mike Morgan's lackey!



Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:29 | 4474773 29.5 hours
29.5 hours's picture



Yes, all good. In their own words, they are exceeding all targets...

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:31 | 4474779 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

they must know that the obama admin is going to kill mortgage interest deductibility....and kill the market.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:18 | 4474938 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

betya a silver dollar that won't happen before 01/14/17.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:43 | 4475029 new game
new game's picture

at 40k/yr the standard deduction beats itemized...

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:46 | 4475038 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Mortgage Interest Destructibility promotes debt serfdom (and preference for incurring debt as opposed to building equity at other levels) and misdirects capital to the (crappy) home-building industry-- the deduction needs to die.

But somehow I think the administration's intentions are less noble. Unfortunately for them, it will actually cost more to remove the deduction, than it will generate additional tax revenue.

Too bad doing the right thing is rarely easy or cheap.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:56 | 4475071 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

the admin's motivation zero to do with proper allocation of capital.....it has everything to do with more juice for them to give away in an effort to create dependency.

(see:  slash military benefits and increase entitlements)

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:15 | 4475177 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

The "creating dependency" is likely to backfire over the intermediate to long term.

But then we have President Profit-to-Earnings Ratio at the helm of the ship of State...

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 14:04 | 4476311 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

It's all good if your on the top.  We are being taken for the biggest ride ever in history.  There's a reason why we have this police state forming and the NSA spying on Americans etc. etc..  Because they know they will need that information and forces to help squelch the upswell of hatred that will happen when hyperinflation comes into being and when the US finally reaches it's third world destination where the rich and powerful live in gated estates and the rest have to live in a corrupt land of no jobs and lower pay.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:29 | 4474775 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

A good start.  Keep going motherfuckers.  Keep going until we have sound money again.

It will come to pass, one way or another.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:52 | 4474860 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

You're smart enough to know that nothing is gonna change for the better until after The Great Implosion™

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:19 | 4474941 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture


Unfortunately most of the layoffs will probably come not from the evil bankster scum, but from the 8-5 working Joe's with normal back office jobs.  These people haven't been given raises in like 4 years, and most likely not bonuses either.  They are just trying to pay their mortgage like any other schmo, and most likely will not be able to find a job in another bank. I suspect that if you parse paychecks and benefits they are quite a bit worse off than most public employees, before they got shitcanned. 

Alas, for those cheering the mass liquidation of banksters, what is really happening is that the concentration of evil in these places is increasing.

Disclosure: I know a few of these guys.



Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:26 | 4474964 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

I agree with you about not cheering when regular people lose jobs. However, this will be a nice vacation for these folks. As soon as Yellen jacks QE to $150 billion the 30 year mortgage rates will go back to 3% and a new wave of refis will begin anew. Rinse and repeat!

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:50 | 4475047 Bunders
Bunders's picture

Trollish, retracted.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 11:03 | 4475103 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

There is no such thing as a "Mortgage Banker", Mortgage Banking exists, but the employees of a Mortgage Banking Division are called TELLERS (or more derogatory terms).

Is the guy who scrubs Jamie Dimon's toilet a banker,
or is the guy who fixes the MicroShit OS problems on his laptop a banker,
is whoever answers the phone at (212) 270-6000 a banker?

These are not the drones you're looking for. (to sarc or not to sarc? a very good question indeed)

Unfortunately, a lot of them wish they were.

Not that there aren't bankers who focus on mortgage banking, but that's a bit more subtle

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 17:07 | 4477225 waterhorse
waterhorse's picture

These workers have known what treachery the Morgue has been up to since at least 2007.  Plenty of time to GTFO of the Morgue.  I don't feel sorry for them.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:21 | 4474950 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

I actually went to look up if you trademarked that. You should.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:32 | 4474985 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

I need to wake up, thought the headline was "JPM To Mass Banker Bridge Jump Off Fest... 17,000 Mortgage Bankers In 2013 And 2014, Because The "Housing Recovery". 

That would have been a good morning to read this instead. 

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:30 | 4474777 Bosch
Bosch's picture

Should be awesome for buybacks. 

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:31 | 4474778 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Fire the indians, but give the chiefs raises and bonuses.

What a recovery we're in!

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:37 | 4474810 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

to quote Chase commerical, 

"this is the stuff recoveries are made of"


Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:31 | 4474783 digitlman
digitlman's picture





Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:32 | 4474786 Quintus
Quintus's picture

Who needs mortgage bankers?  Using a mortgage to purchase a property is just so yesterday.  The Great Housing Recovery (tm) is all cash based don't you know? 

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:39 | 4474819 OwnSilverPlayMusic
OwnSilverPlayMusic's picture

Freshly printed cash at that.  To paraphrase Col. Kilgore "I love the smell of toner in the morning.  Smells like, destruction of the global economy."

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 00:41 | 4479013 earl swagger
earl swagger's picture

Tough to beat that new gun smell, or a four stroke 250 on race gas with a Koloff topper. The ultimate: Top fuel dragster pop plop poppin to the line... Clears your head. Then Blaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. Gone.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:32 | 4474787 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

must fire people so jamie can keep banking 20-30 million in salary and bonus.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:33 | 4474789 hugovanderbubble
hugovanderbubble's picture

Another Subprime Crisis...

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:48 | 4474848 Villageidiot777
Villageidiot777's picture

Is it car and student loans yet, or is it still at mortgage?

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:33 | 4474791 nightshiftsucks
nightshiftsucks's picture

Fuck yeah winning.

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 10:34 | 4474994 pods
pods's picture

Drinking Tiger Blood tonight!


Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:34 | 4474792 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

bonus time

Tue, 02/25/2014 - 09:35 | 4474798 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

Home Depot always has a springtime 'hiring' campaign... & I hear you can get an employee discount on nail guns...

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