• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Kerry Promises Ukraine $1 Billion Bailout (Detroit, Not So Much)

Tyler Durden's picture


Having threatened Russia that "any military move would be a grave mistake" and sounding awefully like a "line" to be crossed, US Secretary of State John Kerry told reporters that the US is ready to bail out Ukraine...


One has to wonder how many US jobs this will create (or save)? Or will Ukraine offer unlimited vodka to citizens of Detroit (or Puerto Rico for that matter)?


As Reuters headlines show:


Via AP,

Secretary of State John Kerry says the United States is planning to provide Ukraine with $1 billion in loan guarantees and will consider additional direct assistance to the former Soviet republic.


Speaking to reporters at the State Department on Wednesday, Kerry said it was "urgent to move forward" in assisting Ukraine following the ouster of its Russian-backed president. But he said it was also urgent for Ukraine's interim authorities to enact reforms, curb corruption, and prepare free and fair elections.


The U.S. aid would be part of a planned massive international assistance package that was expected to include European contributions as well as loans from global financial institutions.

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Wed, 02/26/2014 - 16:59 | 4481816 Dear Infinity
Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:01 | 4481826 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Where is he going to that all that worthless USD from? His chin?

Oh and I am sure he is on the beach somewhere warm right now riding on a horse.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:06 | 4481880 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

And yet, there is an argument could be made that spending USG money over there is better spent than over here.  Think about that...

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:08 | 4481890 macholatte
macholatte's picture


How long before Ukraine gets a central Bank with a GS blessing?

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:13 | 4481928 denverdolomte
denverdolomte's picture

National Bank of Ukraine, established in 1917/18 some time in that December. I think Kerry just officially welcomed them to the IMF and the major players union. 



Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:18 | 4481954 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

In my mid 60s. Lived to see an abject PUNK and KEPT MAN appointed SOS. Fuckin' amazing!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:42 | 4482075 SoberOne
SoberOne's picture

Our representative government has gone rogue. 

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:51 | 4482120 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

What a sick joke - both he and his offer.


$1-billion isn't going to do squat for Urraine.


Dear Ukraine:


You are the 2014 version of 1956 Hungary.




Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:03 | 4482174 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Where is Boris to apply for US Bailout! Russia army is on Boris doorstep and Boris is flat broken!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:16 | 4482202 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Boris -- Apply to Central Intelligence Agency, Foreign Government Undermining Section, care of Postmaster, Langley VA, USSA -- request expedited approval.  Don't be shy, request billions of dollars.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:27 | 4482229 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

NYC realtors licking their lips at 90% of that $$$ will be sneaked back into USA RE on the East Coast.

However, wait 'till they realize that $1 Billion is 1 Billion in Bitcoins....

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:54 | 4482377 strannick
strannick's picture

Obama, Kerry, Hillary. The public faces of our Nation.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 20:39 | 4482724 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Ok, let's see...

A billion dollar loan on the balance sheet...

90% of that gets loaned into existence...

A 900 million dollar loan on the balance sheet...

90% of that...

A new...



Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:01 | 4482404 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

And Boris, don't forget to tell them you're a homosexual minority poet desperately in need of a grant for your latest work: "Oppression of gender-neutral womyn in big box stores by capitalist TEA party Christians".

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 20:00 | 4482610 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture


Tell them you support the NWO.  Say you're for joining the EU.  Say you'll die for TPTB.  You'll be a shoe-in for unlimited funds and ammunition.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:18 | 4482462 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

File on time serfs!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:21 | 4482475 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


Our representative government has gone rogue.

Our representative government has gone missing.

Our occupational government has gone rogue.

That's just how they roll in Vichy DC.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:13 | 4481929 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

he was against this before he was or it



swiftboats motherfucker

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:16 | 4481942 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

$1,000,000,000.00 for Ukraine, but not for Detroit?


where is Kanye West proclaiming that "John Kerry Hates Black People"???

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:08 | 4482194 max2205
max2205's picture

Print it....0s and 1s coming at ya

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:15 | 4482221 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Money for Caucasians - even in Russia :)

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:42 | 4482324 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

If you like your Detroit, you can keep your Detroit.  You along with a billion chinese who are buying up Detroit.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:16 | 4481933 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture





If yesterday were Tuesday Feb 25, 2014, that would be a grave mistake.

Toothless wonder.  Russia's already in, you idiot.

So obvious this is an energy war, Ukraine just the unfortunate country that Putin needs to export through.  Does Detroit have oil under it?

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:32 | 4482030 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

It's OK if you lie to a war with Syria though:

The American media has blacked out an account by Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Seymour Hersh demonstrating that President Barack Obama and the US government lied when they claimed to have proof that the Syrian government carried out a sarin gas attack last August on areas near Damascus held by US-backed “rebels.”

Obama, Secretary of State John Kerry, US ambassador to the United Nations Samantha Power and other top officials declared categorically that the August 21 attack on Eastern Ghouta, which reportedly killed hundreds of people, had been carried out by the Syrian military. They, along with the leaders of Britain and France, sought to use the gas attack to stampede public opinion behind their plans to attack Syria, cripple the regime of President Bashar al-Assad, and install a puppet government.


Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:01 | 4482168 pods
pods's picture

When we lie it is for democracy or some shit.

(idk, I get tired at the end of the day and cannot come up with anything good. ) 

We are almost always behind these attacks. Oh, and Israel.

I have to find a way to tell the brain dead folks out on Main street that they should hold their disgust seeing dead babies and properly blame who is responsible.

Cause you can damn well be sure our government has a hand in 95% of them.

Fuckers in Langley probably get a hard on planning these things.  


Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:31 | 4482511 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


I have to find a way to tell the brain dead folks out on Main street that they should hold their disgust seeing dead babies and properly blame who is responsible.

This might give you some ideas:



Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:42 | 4482076 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Well, it would be a grave mistake if bath house ordered in the new gay military to attack the Russkies...

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:18 | 4482232 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

whatabout der gold

where did it go

iraq,libya,syria,germany nows ukraine someone must nose where it is lets ask george clooney he has some rothschild and nato friends.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:23 | 4482257 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

Did that already. Illegitimates appointed new bank head from Lyiv.


Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:18 | 4482456 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


And yet, there is an argument could be made that spending USG money over there is better spent than over here.

Not only could that argument be made, it is made by those who intend to use that USG money as chains to bind the Ukrainian people.

Think about that...


Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:07 | 4481884 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

Kerry needs a good ol'fasion ASS WHOOPIN...  What a dipshit..

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:31 | 4482281 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

cohens tired old  horse face maybe be meltin but he has had less work done than hanoi jane fonda.

and since kennedy sorry kerry nose all about agent orange,he is perfect adviser for monsanto on how best to destroy sorry improve the old world organic soil charms of der ukraine.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 20:43 | 4482740 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

What did punctuation ever do to you?!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:22 | 4481975 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

King ofuckit has already bled Detroit and made "promises" to win both elections.

He doesn't need them now.

Detroit is fucked. 

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:02 | 4482171 pods
pods's picture

Demographics says Detroit is fucked. Nothing is going to stop that fall.

Anyone with the means to move has already moved.


Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:10 | 4482201 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Those that have been forced to stay through what ever circumstances have decided to take things into their own hands.

Have you been reading the news articles about people finally defending themselves with force of arms?



Wed, 02/26/2014 - 21:29 | 4482949 Rafferty
Rafferty's picture

Get real.  Detroit is fucked because it's 95% black. Were it 95% white it'd be like Portland.  All black cities are like Detroit.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:08 | 4482195 Freddie
Freddie's picture

$1 billion dollars?  That's it?    LOL!  Will he thrown in a few bottles of Heinz (ADM Corn syrup) catsup with this deal? 

Maybe the people in the Ukraine will wake up and realize they have been played by the USSA/EU/IMF/NWO.

Putin should write a letter to them like he did to the USA.  His letter to Americans was very good.  He sounded more like George Washington and Reagan then an Indonesian/Kenyan race hustler from Chicago.

There is bad blood mainly from Stalin and the same NWO banksters Zios.  Putin and the Russia Eastern Orthodox Church should reach out to teh Ukraine especially after this pathetic $1 billion bailout.

The people of the Ukraine can be serfs for the NWO like the Greeks, endlessly spied on like the Americuns or have a shot with Russia and hopefully some autonomy.

Maybe the people in Ukraine know the Russians are better at sticking to deals than the NWO.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 20:03 | 4482564 John Wilmot
John Wilmot's picture

Kerry is the horse.

Messrs. Raytheon and Morgan are riding him down Muppetcash Sound holding hands, giggling with delight.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 04:04 | 4483710 spacewiz
spacewiz's picture

When you are short ~17 Trillion dollars, what is another billion sent down the drain... :) Pennies left on the counter..

Paper is still cheap

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:04 | 4481868 fooshorter
fooshorter's picture

if you like your russain dictator, you can keep your russian dictator  

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:19 | 4481958 Translational Lift
Translational Lift's picture

Well we don't have the $BILLION..........so I guess he will try to borrow it from the Chinese...Russians...Brazil????  Just like all the billions down the tube in Iraq, Afgan, Paki, Libya, Syria, Egypt....Ad Nauseum.....


What a douche........

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:11 | 4482207 Freddie
Freddie's picture

The U.S. aid would be part of a planned massive international assistance package that was expected to include European contributions as well as loans from global financial institutions.

Ukrainians - ask the Greeks how those loans from global financial institutions work out.

Ask Kerry why he is so cheap that he parks his yacht in RI to avoid paiying higher yacht taxes in MassHole.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:16 | 4482226 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Surprise gold shorts!!

We already need another debt ceiling hike!

Back the fuck up outta Jan's way, Ukraine need's a bailout, we're broke, and the fucking labor participation rate is at risk of rising, since Barry came on an said he wants the meskins to build moar roads..

Figure about 140 to start, and she will have to buy everything from post it notes to the state of New York. LOL!!!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:43 | 4482330 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

As soon as Kerry announced that bailout and all that money, jobs sprang up everywhere in my town!

This administration is made up of the best and brightest America has to offer!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:00 | 4481822 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Mr. Purple Medal of Honor for being shot in the butt.
What a joke!

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:04 | 4481863 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Don't you mean Mr. Brown as Kerry is a piece of SHIT! Or better yet, how about Mr. Pink, Kerrie's a big pussy.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 18:21 | 4481872 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

listen here soldier that be a here ho youse is talkin about.

that be a cohen

that bee an aipac jew.

dontes dis raspect der flag of israhell you nazi.

kennedy sorry eye mean kerry is here to remind youse folks that we can never let anudder hollow hoax to happen again.

well not without the say so of steven spielbers der simon weasel  clinic or mossad anyways.

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 19:00 | 4482402 Tim_
Tim_'s picture

Is the former prime minister of Ukraine, Yulia Tymoshenko, a jew?

President of the All-Ukrainian Jewish Congress Vadim Rabinovich


"Especially because the mother Yulia Tymoshenko - a Jew..."

Campaign gets dirty: Leaflets smear Tymoshenko as ‘Jew’

"Unattributed leaflets referring to Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko as 'a Jew' and calling not to vote for her appeared in mail boxes in western Ukraine in the last week before the Feb. 7 runoff vote."

"It reprints an alleged facsimile by the prime minister’s father documenting his supposed Russian and Jewish background and asks why Tymoshenko is hiding her Jewish ancestry. The leaflet also features purported quotes by four individuals, including former presidential candidate Arseniy Yatseniuk, who claim Tymoshenko is Jewish."

"In an interview late last year, presidential candidate Arseniy Yatseniuk blamed the dramatic fall in his ratings in western Ukraine before the first round of voting on a national smear campaign that also alleged he was of Jewish ancestry. 'This country has latent anti-Semitism,' he said at the time."

The lesson from Ukraine: Bezplatno does not exist

"How many of those demonstrating in Kiev and cheering that Timoshenko female (why does she wear that stupid wig? and what's with the wheelchair?) remember why she was thrown into jail?"

"It would come as no surprise if that Timoshenko female miraculously rose from her wheelchair, allowing that blonde wig to fall to the ground and reveal a head bedecked with unkempt black hair (rather a different spectacle and a somewhat sinister one), proclaiming to all and sundry that the Euro Show is the way to go."

"As I write, President Yanukovich is still the democratically elected President of the Ukraine and there exists something called law and order. Not all Ukrainians are in Kiev, not all Ukrainians side with the starry-eyed youth on Euro-Maidan and the monsters hiding in their midst."

Is Tymoshenko simulating her disease?

"Against the backdrop of the reports of a hunger strike by former Prime Minister of Ukraine Yulia Tymoshenko, a scandalous video that may be indicative of the simulation of her serious illness has emerged. The video is dated December 15, 2011, when Tymoshenko was still in Lukyanovka jail in Kiev, 'Vesti' reported. Even then, she complained of severe pain in her back and stayed in bed."

"A video posted on YouTube displays a woman resembling the former premier, who is moving around the cell with ease in high heel shoes and looking into the mirror. Suddenly she seems afraid of some noise and dives under the covers. The camera then shows a person resembling Tymoshenko's lawyer Sergei Vlasenko. The man helps her up - now a woman moves with difficulty."

"On Tuesday, Ukrainian prosecutors acknowledged that Tymoshenko was taken to the medical institution by force, but the prosecutor Gennady Tyurin said that the former prime minister was not beaten."

Wed, 02/26/2014 - 17:11 | 4481920 Dadburnitpa
Dadburnitpa's picture

Please.  His "wound" was literally treated with bacitracin (aka neosporin) and a BAND AID.  It was not reported by the Navy corpsman who treated him as a combat wound.  It was reported as a combat wound by LT Kerry himself.  The guy has ALWAYS been a fraud.

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