Eric Holder Hospitalized After "Feeling Faint, Short Of Breath"

Tyler Durden's picture


Is the groundwork for the "transitioning out" of the US Attorney General being laid? From Reuters:

U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder was taken to a Washington, D.C., hospital as a precaution on Thursday after he felt faint and was short of breath during a morning meeting with his staff, his office said in a statement.


"He is currently resting comfortably and in good condition. He is alert and conversing with his doctors," according to the statement.

More from The Hill:

"The Attorney General began experiencing symptoms including faintness and shortness of breath," Justice Department spokesman Brian Fallon said in a statement. "As a precaution, the attorney general was taken to MedStar Washington Hospital Center to undergo further evaluation."


NBC News's Pete Williams reported that the attorney general also experienced chest pains.


Fallon said Holder was alert and conversing with his doctors, and the Justice Department promised more information on the attorney general's condition when it becomes available.


"He is alert and conversing with his doctors," Fallon said.


Holder, 63, has been the source of retirement speculation since a report in The New Yorker earlier this month suggested he might step down this year. But Fallon told The Hill earlier this month that Holder simply meant he had a lot of work left that he hoped to accomplish in the coming year.


“The most the attorney general has said is that he still has a lot he wants to accomplish on issues like criminal justice reform, voting rights and LGBT equality. He did not speak about his plans any further than that,” Fallon said.

Please get well soon Eric: how else will this nation sleep easy at night knowing there are still so many "Too Big To Prosecute" banks out there whose wrists you still have to slap?

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Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:53 | 4484972 slotmouth
slotmouth's picture

He's been living too fast, too furious.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:54 | 4484983 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture

But, he's helping people do God's work!

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:55 | 4484986 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Shortness of breath?? Or more like shortness of integrity

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:56 | 4484998 Panem et Circus
Panem et Circus's picture

Hopefully he hasn't signed up for Obamacare yet.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:57 | 4485007 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Well, I certainly hope he's OK.


Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:04 | 4485046 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

This fucker wont get any sympathies from me, hes been one of the prime HOLDER of contempt in the fuckin adminstration.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:21 | 4485175 MagicHandPuppet
MagicHandPuppet's picture

Glad he finally got a conscience. Too little too late.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:26 | 4485214 dryam
dryam's picture

"If I'm ly'in I'm dy'in."

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:36 | 4485266 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

No breath instead of shortness of breath would make the American people breathe easier.

On his admission form there was a question what his problem was. His answer was S.O.B. I guess that covers it in all respects.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:43 | 4485319 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Perhaps a bit too much Polonium in his coffee? 

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:47 | 4485338 outamyeffinway
outamyeffinway's picture

A couple border patrol agents are out of breath too, Holder!! Go fuck yourself.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:08 | 4485460 ACP
ACP's picture


I heard that in a rap somewhere.


Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:20 | 4485520 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

I agree. But I want him to die a very slow painful death in the hands of The American People.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:28 | 4485558 Overfed
Overfed's picture

If we knew which room he was in, maybe someone could sneak in and smother him with a pillow?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:39 | 4485604 cro_maat
cro_maat's picture

Is he still atop the Bitcoin hit list? Maybe someone was trying to collect the bounty while Bitcoin is still worth something.

P.S. They need to try harder.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:44 | 4485637 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture

Can we protest outside his hospital room window?



Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:54 | 4485698 DblAjent
DblAjent's picture

He was about to "flip" and took a tranq dart to the neck.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:20 | 4486032 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I didn't know Holder was even slapping any Banksta wrists.

I thought he was fawing over and kissing the hands that fed him.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:32 | 4486095 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Slapping sound is not rough play with bankster, is Holder handle bologna in circular formation with DOJ.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 17:19 | 4486287 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

I think all the rats will be jumping off the "sinking ship", before long.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 19:20 | 4486784 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

Pray for death's sweet release.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 20:49 | 4487057 old naughty
old naughty's picture

CCP justice allows certain personalities to 'enjoy' medical parole without stash accompanying...

i wonder...

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:54 | 4485378 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Was he due to testify anywhere today?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:22 | 4486521 brockhardman
brockhardman's picture

I think the Devil came today in an attempt to collect on his soul...

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 21:59 | 4487291 Dr. Everett V. Scott
Dr. Everett V. Scott's picture

Holder has a soul?


Who knew?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:05 | 4485056 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Probable scenario:  He falls into a coma, miraculously comes out of it, but can't remember anything.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:10 | 4485086 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Just sits there saying 'I don't know' over and over...

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:35 | 4485229 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Were any lightening strikes reported just prior to onset?

I'm always interested in God confirmation.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:13 | 4485486 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

I'm hoping he'll need open heart surgery (or the place where there would be a heart in a normal person), and he has that problem where people wake up during surgery but are paralyzed and feel EVERYTHING.  Then he could get MRSA and some flesh eating disease and die 3 years later in excruciating pain. 


How about it God?  Can you help us out here?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:23 | 4486058 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

If god really cared he/she/it would have already wiped out the new Sodom and Gomorrah, aka D.C. and San Fransicko.

He/she/it wouldn't wipe out Wall Street cause as we all know Lloyd is doing god's work.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:49 | 4485351 outamyeffinway
outamyeffinway's picture

You mean he can't "recall" anything.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:08 | 4485074 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Would be tragic if it were fatal. Hospitals are filled with nasty little microbes that would love to have a new home. Funny how they aren't discriminating . You can't buy them off. So refreshing.


Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:12 | 4485482 Jena
Jena's picture

True.  It's the little things in life...

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:11 | 4486019 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Ladies, too funny.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:05 | 4486116 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Personally I'm torn between...

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy."

"Ain't karma a bitch."

(and my favorite...)




Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:01 | 4485031 economisery
economisery's picture

I'll put a nice bottle of champaign on ice, just in case his health takes a sudden turn for the worse.

If there really is such a thing as Karma, I should be able to pop the cork pretty soon......

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:11 | 4485094 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Hopefully not.

I only hope he hangs on in excruciating pain for as long as possible.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:02 | 4485425 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

Kinda like John Ashcroft. Now there is divine justice at work.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:04 | 4485997 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

You guys are being way to harsh! Life isn't easy for a symbiont in a host body living on this inhospitable planet. It will get easier once the chemtrails start transforming things a bit more but for now life is rough. Have some sympathy

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:28 | 4485230 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

I too get feelings of "Feeling faint, shortness of breath".  But for different reasons.  Nudge, nudge, ;-)  ;-)

Lucky for him a pre-existing condition now cannot be declined. 

But beware:  Since the start of the year, insurance companies have fought back:  They've quietly raised the Deductible levels that the patient must now pay.  By a LOT.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:09 | 4486434 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

His immediate supervisor could get so much more political mileage out of a successful auto-erotic asphyxiation, than out of a lousy resignation as a result of a mental mutual masturbation session in the company conference room.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:32 | 4485254 Shad_ow
Shad_ow's picture

Can't be his heart, hasn't got one.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:08 | 4486469 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Are we sure this didn't happen to him because, you know, him and the President are black? /sarc

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 16:46 | 4486149 ChanceIs
ChanceIs's picture

Oh pleeeeeeeaazzzzzzze.  How dull of you.  (Sorry - I had to say that.)

Brother Eric is simply experiencing what any normal person would as he watches the bankers whom he knows knew too much, suiciding themselves.  He is simply asking himself if he as well knows too much.  The answer of course is yes.  So he is perspiring a little more than usual, blood pressure is spiking, and he lies awake at night - clutching a 44 Magnum which he wouldn't allow anybody else to have under gun control -and wondering if he hears footsteps in the hall.

Kind of reminds me of that scene in Things to do in Denver When You're Dead,   "Parrrrrrty.  You are Japan, and I am Godzilla."

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:12 | 4486486 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Say..., maybe you think he's comin' down with dat' bankster-off-yerself syndrome? You know, come to think of it, he does hang out wit' dem' dudes a lot.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 12:57 | 4485008 Martial
Martial's picture

"Please get well soon Eric"....I know it was said sarcastically, but it's still a terrible thing to say.

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 13:49 | 4485049 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

But..., are you being sarcastic about the sarcasm?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 14:29 | 4485561 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Is that being sarcasmic?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:02 | 4486445 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Can you have a sargasm?

Thu, 02/27/2014 - 18:17 | 4486499 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Thanks Martial, it's quips like that that keep me coming back here. +100

@ Miscreant: If he dies, do they bury him in a sarcasmphagus?

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