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Stock Rally Stalls As Russia Test-Fires Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Because BTFWWIII is so yesterday, we present BTFICBMD:

  • *RUSSIA TEST FIRES INTERCONTINENTAL BALLISTIC MISSILE: INTERFAX
  • *RUSSIA TEST FIRED MISSILE FROM RANGE IN ASTRAKHAN REGION: IFX
  • *RUSSIA MISSILE LAUNCHED AT 10:10PM IN SOUTHERN RUSSIA: INTERFAX
  • *INTERFAX CITES RUSSIAN DEFENSE MINISTRY ON MISSILE TEST

But, the talking heads said Ukraine was fixed and Putin had folded?

Via Bloomberg:

Topol missile launched from firing range in Astrakhan region at 10:10pm Moscow time, news service reports, citing Russia’s Defense Ministry.

 

Launch carried out by Russia’s Strategic Rocket Forces

 

Missile hit target in Kazakhstan: IFX

And Reuters:

Russia said it had successfully test-fired an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) on Tuesday, with tensions high over its seizure of control in the Crimea and its threat to send more forces to its neighbour Ukraine.

 

The Strategic Rocket Forces launched an RS-12M Topol missile from the southerly Astrakhan region near the Caspian Sea and the dummy warhead hit its target at a proving ground in Kazakhstan, the state-run news agency RIA cited Defence Ministry spokesman Igor Yegorov as saying.

The Topol Missile:

 

And the reaction...USDJPY blips and the S&P 500 drops 5 points

 

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Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508076 PartysOver
PartysOver's picture

Bullish or its Bush's fault.  Or was that just Putin giving O another Biatch slap for fun

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:56 | 4508104 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

Yup, the bitch got bitch-slapped again.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:01 | 4508128 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

"***This is important because of the tension between Ukraine and Russia. Ukraine borders the Black sea and not the Caspian sea.***"

Russia test fires intercontinental ballistic missile in Astrakhan region, according to Interfax

http://portal.ransquawk.com/headlines/russia-test-fires-intercontinental...

LULZ.

Putin LULZ all day long. Nice chess move there, Grandmaster Vlad. Obama wants to know if you will switch to back alley dice? Please?

Update details:
- As a guide, the Astrakhan region is a major city in southern Russia and borders the Caspian sea.
- ***This is important because of the tension between Ukraine and Russia. Ukraine borders the Black sea and not the Caspian sea.***

Print 18:49 - Global News - Source: Interfax

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:02 | 4508140 pods
pods's picture

Well this one isn't as scary as the Chinese sub launch of one just off of LA.

pods

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:04 | 4508159 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

Well that escalated quickly. That really got out of hand fast.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:06 | 4508178 Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

It seems someone may be DOSing the Paul Craig Roberts site.

http://www.paulcraigroberts.org/2014/03/03/end-nearer-think-paul-craig-r...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:08 | 4508190 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

our boys should have stuck to playing monopoly....Risk is not their game

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:12 | 4508227 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

TRANSLATION: Shuddup Kerrie ...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:21 | 4508290 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

As long as they put away the missiles by 3pm est, s'all good. 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:23 | 4508315 TheGermanGuy
TheGermanGuy's picture

There is no stronger force in the world than love - except for the Topol-M

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:35 | 4508384 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

It would have had a much greater effect if the target area was in far eastern Russia. You know, towards Alaska.

Last week I suggested Russia target all of its nukes. Maybe they have as a protection against losing them in a first strike that the neocons love oh-so-much.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:51 | 4508507 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Putin just yelled the equivalent of 'FORE!' and guess who ducked...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:56 | 4508536 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

10 10....were have i seen that recently?????

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:17 | 4508644 Obchelli
Obchelli's picture

Relax market ignored this too now higher - ZH wrong again

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:25 | 4508671 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

I have great faith our president and his administration will continue to handle this situation brilliantly!  They have anticipated Putin's every move and have responded shrewdly and with a great exhibition of strength and the will to be forceful if necessary.  They have been clear with the world on their position and because of this Putin clearly is backing down, just like North Korea, China, Iran, Cuba and Venezuela.  For good reason they all fear our brave president.

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:34 | 4508721 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Dr. Strangelove or

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Obomba.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:36 | 4508736 flacon
flacon's picture

"STOCK RALLY UN-STALLS" as world descends into chaos. 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:36 | 4508738 balolalo
balolalo's picture

Guys,   it's always been .....  BTF-WAR.  

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:59 | 4508870 Husk-Erzulie
Husk-Erzulie's picture

Agitation level in and around the oval office must be getting epic.  Like gasoline on a frikkin ant hill.  The amateurs in La La Land on the Potomic will start freaking out and making stupid mistakes.  Pretty sure taht is what this is intended to do.  Gotta hand it to Vlad, the guy is serious as a heart attack.  Over to you now Barry... LOL

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:34 | 4509096 Independent
Independent's picture

Nothing says BOSS like that TOPOL. Damn you look at that Topol bad boy and you see there are 7 balls on each side of that monster (ie tires symbols of kahunas).

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:51 | 4508832 NotAMathWhiz
NotAMathWhiz's picture

550 KiloTons.  pphhhhtt, what's that in Fukushima's?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 22:50 | 4510257 Element
Element's picture

About 36 times Hiroshima's energy release.

You won't need to worry about mowing the lawn this weekend, even if you lived 20 kilometers away from ground zero. And you'll need a new garden hose and curtains too, at that range, plus new windows, and the roof checked, and to put out the spot fires and watch for falling burning houses and cars n stuff.

Oh, and shelter in the basement for a couple of weeks thereafter.

Remember, Duck and Cover! :D

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:49 | 4508816 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Too many coincidences for this all to be unfolding naturally:

- The Air Forces loses a large number of missle comanders.

- BHO announces a downsizing of the military.

- The West instigates trouble on the Russian border.

- Russia threatens to dumps dollars and welch on loans to Western banks.

Something big and bad is brewing folks. Buy water, silver, lead, food before it is too late.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:18 | 4508649 Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

Yeah, like "Whoops Apocalypse"  ;-)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whoops_Apocalypse

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:14 | 4508547 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Why the Topol is good is because it can't be intercepted by any existing Western anti missile system.

The Topol guidance system generates a "random path" between the launch site and the target and it regenerates a new random path every 15 seconds.

This means that by the time any weapons system has locked onto it, it has already changed course.

The guidance software was developed in response to the US's hundred billion dollar Star Wars program which was promptly scrapped when the US found out the Russian had installed new software on their missles that meant you had to locate them, project their trajectory and then intercept them all in the space of 15 seconds.

Star Wars interceptor missiles would have to be travelling at about Mach 500 in order to shoot down the Topol.

Clever those Russians.

Oh and the Topol-M has the range to hit ANY TARGET IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE FROM RUSSIA. Which obviously includes the entire US mainland.

They have space pencils too.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:16 | 4508635 Freddie
Freddie's picture

The advantage of having Russian computer programmers as opposed to Lockheed Martin having a bunch of Indian H-1Bs writing 12 million lines of spaghetti code for the shitty F-35.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:39 | 4508769 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

A relative of mine learned that working with Russians at the local superconducting cyclotron.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:29 | 4509055 Independent
Independent's picture

Maybe so but the Indians working for the Indian defense companies are not too bad.  Let us not forget the Brahmos is co developed between the the Russians and Indians with a hypersonic variant due out soon, and also the new stealth fighter is a co development program.  The Indians are one of the first places where writing first was used and have had their share of great accomplishments and mathematicians etc.  Maybe the F35 is  reflection of lack of quality American graduates, who are now spending most of time watching dumb TV shows and texting on facebook and all that other crap.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 23:31 | 4510390 Element
Element's picture

You realise the F/A-18E/F uses millions of lines of code, right? And that it all works?

Freddie, you really don't have a clue.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:17 | 4508643 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

This comment is great, +1, but you can't build a good rotation around a knuckleballer (ahhh spring is in the air...)

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 07:41 | 4510333 Element
Element's picture

This random track tech is not as impressive a capacity as it sounds. The USAF MIRV programs (there were many of them) had developed this ability against the Russian SAM interceptors by about 1965-1966. I have the declassified developmental program docs for these US MIRVs. The US had prototyped, tested and fielded trajectory-change launcher and MIRV capability literally 50 years ago, so this is really old hat.

From memory one of the US MIRVs could disguise and change its aim-point, in flight, by up to 200 nautical miles, to make it far more difficult for defenses to tell there the MIRV launchers would release and fall, but the MIRVs themselves maneuvered too. They even developed a version that could skip across the top of the atmosphere and glide-in, to increase its range and unpredictability fo fall, thus difficulty of tracking and interception. The US MIRVs were totally deadly and highly survivable, even against nuclear interceptor missiles, 50 years ago.

In fact USAF and USN MIRVs were able to US passive SOSUS sonar tracking and triangulation to locate the Russian SSBNs at thousands of miles range, then drop a cluster of 10 x ~1000 m apart, thermonuclear warheads, right on top of the contact intersection point, and blast the SSBN subs right into the stratosphere. The LA-class SSN 'Hunter-Killer' was developed to use the SOSUS track position to locate and track the exact target location of the SSBNs for that very reason, and that's why they were really called "Hunter-Killer" subs, and why they always tracked the SSBNs. There are great high-res photos online of the early streerable MIRVs splashing down over the ocean, to test their spread and precision for that very role.

http://www.techbastard.com/missile/peacekeeper/images/reentry1.jpg

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5f/Peacekeeper-mis...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8xUuZ7Mb8ac/T_THUzalZ3I/AAAAAAAAKSA/gb81VGyNAH...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JrLP_BbVBMM/T_THWK18mpI/AAAAAAAAKSk/-8aYcr-tNP...

They were able to do all that by the late 1960s. The US put so much effort into it because the US was almost 100% committed to fighting a full-scale nuclear war at any time, and it intended to survive and win it. By about 1975 it was clear the Soviets were almost caught up, and that the US would not be able to survive and win with SIOP alone, and that's what triggered Reagan's SDI fantasy, in the early 1980s.

It was literally a case of do it, or get wiped out. Furtunately the cold war was done by late 1986, and the Soviets only clung on for the next few years, as deep impoverishment took hold, and then it collapsed.

The US's impoverishment continues to build momentum ... ... and the band played on ...

 

EDIT: ... and look what just happens to pop-up on RT.

 

Iranian Revolutionary Guard ‘has multiple warhead missiles’

Iran says its Revolutionary Guard has acquired missiles with multiple warheads, AP reported, citing Defense Minister Hossein Dehghan. The claim is the latest reported advance in Tehran’s domestic missile production program. The minister said Western sanctions had not stopped Iran from augmenting its ability to deter its enemies from attacking the country.
 
http://rt.com/news/line/2014-03-05/#56183

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:23 | 4508316 CH1
CH1's picture

It's ALL Bullish!

MOAR BROKEN WINDOWS!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:32 | 4508378 Lore
Lore's picture

BUT... BUT.. KERRY DID NOT APPROVE THIS!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:33 | 4508385 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Kerry's going to start crying if Putin doesn't listen to him.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:49 | 4508490 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Obama's GDP projections for his budget just might be right after all...../snark

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:37 | 4508407 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture
"This, all this, is language, a new vocabulary the likes of which the world has never seen. This is President Putin communicating with President Obama."
Paraphrased from 13 Days, the movie.
Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:44 | 4508467 therover
therover's picture

Great movie and great scene.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:06 | 4508910 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Is the next part of the scene where President Putin tells *resident Obama to "squeal like a pig - boy."

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:25 | 4508326 SMG
SMG's picture

You know you read stuff on the internet, and you think "that just doesn't seem possible,".  And then this whole Ukraine Russia China thing happens.

http://www.worldaffairsbrief.com/keytopics/threats.html

If you need me, I'll be in the yard digging a large hole in the ground.

 

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 15:02 | 4512831 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

To ALL - I highly advise you read this article link posted by SMG

I have stated here a few times about the death toll if WW3 happens. It will be 1/3. That is war gamed out. Coincidentally (or not depending on your beliefs) this is the death toll stated by John of Patmos in Revelations. Also, the number of combatants is 200 M which would have been impossible in John's time. Plus he seems to be describing modern warfare units such as tanks, missles and mechanical insect swarms which all now currently exist. Something you should know about "prophets" or what can also be called very astute analysts these days.

It has to do with fasting actually whether it be from a digestive disorder or purposely doing it. When the body is deprived of nutrients that are metabolised into chemicals for the brain, it creates adrenaline instead. Adrenaline increases beta brain waves. That in turn increases perception. This explains how South American Indians found Lithium they needed that was 400 miles away from them on the coast. It explains pretty much every modern tool man has ever created or math formula such as E=Mc2. Einstein's parents and teaches said he had "behavioral issues". The best science today such as Dimitri Mihalas are bi-polar. So is the best musicians, artists, etc. Ironically, these tend to care about mankind the most but are the most persecuted. The ironies of evolution! The last indeed are first and vice-versa. The prophet Daniel is my favorite. He forecasted the reformation of Israel in years to 1947 and you can use a calculator after you read it and do the simple math yourself. He was off technically I guess by a few months but not too shabby considering he made this predication over 3,000 years ago. I call Daniel the first quantum scientist, because just stating 'god' did it is not enough, logic of the why and how are important to our development.  

 What you should also know about Revelations besides some caution and hedging is the good news of it, the end as most just focus on the apolocalpse: "The tent of God resides with mankind forever. He will wipe every tear from there eye and death will be no more."

 If you study where we are at with quantum physics you will know we are punching holes in the 4Th dimension. The objective as per usual with human tools is to increase trade. But what we stumbled on is the "new jerusalem" or promised land. We are 50 years from evolving back to energy. The demented that think a world war that can be won - They get to betest subjects of a new kind of prison, beyond this world as revelation claims.

The good news for them is our existence is pretty forgiving, that time accelerates so fast in 4D the sentence of "eternity" is really more like 3 earth days. By all means read Revelations but read Daniel first, then Ezekial. But do not stop with reading that, go on to read quantum physics and where mankind is at in terms of tech. Compare evolutionary biology and other sciences, don't just rely on a pastor, imam or other religious leader. Their intepretation is off because they stopped reading science and instead just now recite doctrine.

Sadly, that same tech that grants us the end to death within 50 years once again will be weaponized FIRST into a WMD. Think of a pinprick in space-time that you can't see it is so small. That sucks several miles of earth, cities, etc. into it, it will look like a whirlpool at sea but on land. You die instantly but the land is still there for conquest after. No radiation, no fallout. Land and resources is the root of all wars. Here is the real tragedy and choice - global leaders could focus on quantum tech so we enter in perhaps 20 years. I have stated by 2021 many times here and elsewhere there will be real prosperity. Mankind does have choice, we do have freewill. We can direct our final evolutionary programming of competition to our destiny by channeling into entertainment, like the Olympics but every participant on earth participates. Will that happen? I hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 15:08 | 4512832 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

To ALL - I highly advise you read this article link posted by SMG

I have stated here a few times about the death toll if WW3 happens. It will be 1/3. That is war gamed out. Coincidentally (or not depending on your beliefs) this is the death toll stated by John of Patmos in Revelations. Also, the number of combatants is 200 M which would have been impossible in John's time. Plus he seems to be describing modern warfare units such as tanks, missles and mechanical insect swarms which all now currently exist. Something you should know about "prophets" or what can also be called very astute analysts these days.

It has to do with fasting actually whether it be from a digestive disorder or purposely doing it. When the body is deprived of nutrients that are metabolised into chemicals for the brain, it creates adrenaline instead. Adrenaline increases beta brain waves. That in turn increases perception. This explains how South American Indians found Lithium they needed that was 400 miles away from them on the coast. It explains pretty much every modern tool man has ever created or math formula such as E=Mc2. Einstein's parents and teaches said he had "behavioral issues". The best science today such as Dimitri Mihalas are bi-polar. So is the best musicians, artists, etc. Ironically, these tend to care about mankind the most but are the most persecuted. The ironies of evolution! The last indeed are first and vice-versa. The prophet Daniel is my favorite. He forecasted the reformation of Israel in years to 1947 and you can use a calculator after you read it and do the simple math yourself. He was off technically I guess by a few months but not too shabby considering he made this predication over 3,000 years ago. I call Daniel the first quantum scientist, because just stating 'god' did it is not enough, logic of the why and how are important to our development.  

 What you should also know about Revelations besides some caution and hedging is the good news of it, the end as most just focus on the apolocalpse: "The tent of God resides with mankind forever. He will wipe every tear from there eye and death will be no more."

 If you study where we are at with quantum physics you will know we are punching holes in the 4Th dimension. The objective as per usual with human tools is to increase trade. But what we stumbled on is the "new jerusalem" or promised land. We are 50 years from evolving back to energy. The demented that think a world war that can be won - They get to betest subjects of a new kind of prison, beyond this world as revelation claims.

The good news for them is our existence is pretty forgiving, that time accelerates so fast in 4D the sentence of "eternity" is really more like 3 earth days. By all means read Revelations but read Daniel first, then Ezekial. But do not stop with reading that, go on to read quantum physics and where mankind is at in terms of tech. Compare evolutionary biology and other sciences, don't just rely on a pastor, imam or other religious leader. Their intepretation is off because they stopped reading science and instead just now recite doctrine. Man thinkjs we are so smart with science when in reality all we are doing is replicating what already exists in nature. Evolving back to energy is the natural process at death. From what I know, there is no specific purpose of existence and godhead is a rotating chair but a real one nonethless. I love the apostle Paul the most of the bible when discussing religion: above all use reason (logic or what we call today science).

Sadly, that same quantum tech that grants us the end to death within 50 years once again will be weaponized FIRST into a WMD. Think of a pinprick in space-time that you can't see it is so small. There is no warning or siren like an ICBM. That sucks several miles of earth, cities, etc. into it, it will look like a whirlpool at sea but on land. You die instantly but the land is still there for conquest after. No radiation, no fallout. Land and resources is the root of all wars. Here is the real tragedy and choice - global leaders could focus on quantum tech so we enter in perhaps 20 years. I have stated by 2021 many times here and elsewhere there will be real prosperity after this time. The end is the end to our necessary evolutionary design of competition. The failure of Darwinists is simply this: You are supposed to give back to your global community for the imperfections of capitalism.

Mankind does have choice, we do have freewill. We can direct our final evolutionary programming of competition to our destiny by channeling into entertainment, like the Olympics but every participant on earth participates. We can channel it into health care calling it "Operation Eternity" and every old rich feller will happily fund it. But will that happen? I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I cannot speak for leadership, I am just a peon analyst after all. A humble servant if you will.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:35 | 4508396 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

There may be special significance to test firing an ICBM from said region.

http://english.farsnews.com/newstext.aspx?nn=13921127001182

It should also be worth noting that said test site is within very easy firing range of Ukraine, Turkey, Syria, Iraq, etc., in other words, there is more at play here than just the Ukraine.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:06 | 4508592 Yenbot
Yenbot's picture

And, to said region (Kazahkstan). Like DC bombing Alabama during the Civil War. Also see: Blazing Saddles.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:17 | 4508202 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Igor,  It's Time To "Test-Fire" An Intercon Missile Thats Already Been Tested 25 Times Before...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:18 | 4508275 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

"Yes, Boris. Zen zey vill see vat ve jave the big testicles."

Speaking of, where is Boris Alotovkrap in all of this? He could shed some light and much-needed humor on the situation. 

Obama is not have the testicular fortitude to play games with Putin. Come on, Boris, none of the rest of us can do this in the way that you do...or is Boris trying to negotiate peace between the two nations?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:39 | 4508429 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Astrakhan is at the mouth of the Volga.  Crimea controls the Don and Dnieper, Astrakhan controls the mouth of the Volga.

Those rivers are by far your best bet for penetrating deep into Ukraine/Russian territory.  The overland route... is more difficult, to say the least.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:17 | 4508993 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Could someone go up those rivers in an armed Swift boat?  Maybe they can send John Kohn up those rivers and tell him it is Laos.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:10 | 4508161 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

This is easy.  Have Kerry recall the Russian ICBMs back to their launchers via Associated Press newswire.  S&P +200 by EOD.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:19 | 4508281 geno-econ
geno-econ's picture

The guys manning our IBCM's are out at the casinos in Las Vegas and scamming test preparedness scores. So are the Bankers and Wall St . while Wash. Is playing Dominos.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:05 | 4508163 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Doop.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:10 | 4508216 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Dearest bitchez,

Just wanted to stop by to say this shit is why I became a quasi hermit. I shall now return to my whiskey.

Sincerely,
McMolotov

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:23 | 4508314 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Welcome back, McM.
We missed you, all is forgiven. ;-)

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:04 | 4508575 pods
pods's picture

McM, staying away can keep you sane.  We all do what we have to.

Nice to see ya!

pods

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:39 | 4508761 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Yeah, but where's Boris?  His take on this would probably be interesting.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:20 | 4509003 Freddie
Freddie's picture

LOL!  What if Boris is a Ukrianian and he is standing at the army base gate having to stare down a bunch of Russians?   I hope he has some good vodka to offer them.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:31 | 4508366 Ferrari
Ferrari's picture

Mickey, I missed you so. You're one of my favorite ZHedgemites. Where you been? What can be more fun or informative than ZeeHedge?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:38 | 4508422 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Have a drink on me brutha

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:40 | 4508439 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

I'm with you on that good sir, it's really hard to stay even kinda sane knowing what's inevitably in front of us.  I came here shortly after getting repeatedly ass raped on my long-since closed trading account (which was traumatic enough), and subsequently experienced the brutally ugly full frontal that is our entire system.  Thank God for liquor.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:20 | 4508653 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Losing money in the stock market and keeping sane goes hand in hand in these times...thats why I have given up on anything trading related.

Dow up 243, S&P up 30. I dont feel anything anymore as I have been numb for the past month already. Liquor does help out.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:56 | 4508533 Black Warrior W...
Black Warrior Waterdog's picture

Be sure to check in again once the bombs start dropping!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:52 | 4509182 TedBagwell
TedBagwell's picture

Where have you been? Missed reading your comments.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:11 | 4508219 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

As long he doesn't test fire another one, but targeted for the Egyptian desert, or offshore Venezuela...

Regressing from "Can you hear me now?" to "Reach out and touch someone..."

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:15 | 4508254 Magnix
Magnix's picture

Source?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:03 | 4508527 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

   No way bro the NSA told me that was refracted contrails light of a 777 Dreamliner off the Pacific Ocean...isn't that new afterburner propulsion glow standard on all Boeings now? 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:03 | 4508572 pods
pods's picture

I remember watching that video the night it happened. Then a couple days later they said "jet from hawaii" and other BS. 

Light from Venus reflected off of swamp gas.

To this day I look at jets flying west to east during sunset. None have ever looked like that "jet."

pods

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:27 | 4509039 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

Pretty sure that was reflected off Reggie Loves uranus

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:43 | 4508792 Road Hazard
Road Hazard's picture

That ICBM launch from a Chinese sub right off the west coast was hilarious to me. MSM had a few "experts" on that said it was a plane, swamp gas, solar flare and all of the above. The boys and girls at NORAD, and other military circles, knew EXACTLY what it was. It's like the radiation destroying the Pacific ocean courtesy of Fukushima..... if they don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist. Hey, look at the pics of Kim and Kanye's baby!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:04 | 4508157 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Obama and John Kerry are a pair of hypocritical wankers.  

Thanks, America.

Jon Corzine (Obama bundler) is the Biggest P.O.S. on Planet Earth.

Obama is the worst president ever.

And Valerie Jarrett is his prophet.

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:24 | 4508669 jwoop66
jwoop66's picture

George Bush is a war-monger and a cowboy!!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:38 | 4508757 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Yes, he is!   :)

But, you didn't say who's worse...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:49 | 4509166 jwoop66
jwoop66's picture

Hmmmmm???

Solid shit in one hand(bush)?  Runny shit in the other(bathouse barr)?

 

I'm goin' with the solid turd.   Its easier to clean.  

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:42 | 4508784 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture

you know what .......DCRB I like you....... you're not like all the other people here...... in the trailer park ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xuvcpjf1JU

But worst president ever hmmmmmm boy that's a tough call there are just so many choices for that monica er moniker my vote for absolute worst POTUS goes to....... HITLERY JEFFERSON CLINTFUCK......2016 

 

 

 

Bitch

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:07 | 4508188 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Putin's firing missles and we have a community organizer at the helm and a kept man as his mouthpiece. We are but very fucked.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:22 | 4508307 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture

Gringo:

 

"We are very but fucked."

 

There, fixed it for you.

-30-

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:39 | 4508425 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

"We are very butt fucked."

 

There, fixed it for you.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:31 | 4508368 DanDaley
DanDaley's picture

Coke-head community organizer who only knows enough to bring a zip gun to a knife fight

vs

Former KGB chief and chess aficianado martial artist guy with an ICBM

 

Place your bets!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:11 | 4508614 hobopants
hobopants's picture

"What do you mean there are no russian words for hope and change?"

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:31 | 4509079 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Not just any ICBM but the baddest MF-ing ICBM ever.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:09 | 4508206 bcups
bcups's picture

Wonder if Lurch could see the contrail from his jet?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:47 | 4508480 Shad_ow
Shad_ow's picture

I sincerely hope so!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:12 | 4508622 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

The lesson here is that the entire US mainland falls within 10,000km of Moscow.

10,500km being the range of the Topol-M.

What Putin is saying is... "I dare you"

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:13 | 4508235 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Has Barry tried shaking his finger at Putin yet??

Surely, that is all it will take..

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:33 | 4508383 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

If Barry shakes anything at Putin, he'll be drawing back a stump.  

Putin owns Obama.  He's inside his head.  Checkmate in 7.  Maybe 5.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:34 | 4508718 waterwitch
waterwitch's picture

He may be on the phone with Prince Bandar for a bit of assistance in the matter...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:33 | 4509089 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Prince Bandar Bush is probably in hiding.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:48 | 4508813 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

Every time ZH posts the word Stall/ hammered/sold off/monkey hammered etc., a few minutes/hours later the market goes higher.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:06 | 4508182 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

If Putin is the "bitch slapper" we all think he is, he'll play this diplomatic and military card......

He should release a statement that says the following, "Under NO circumstances will Russia or China use nukes in the current conflict over the Ukraine, If the US or Europe want to commit planetary genocide on the peoples of the world, Russia and China will not be involved or too blame, furthermore however, we reserve the right to defend ourselves by EVERY other conventional means available our people and military, to preserve the rights and interests of our Nation"

Your fucking move EU/US!!!!! 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:52 | 4508516 KickIce
KickIce's picture

All that is required is to demand Europe pay for energy with gold.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 18:57 | 4509471 lewietheparrot
lewietheparrot's picture

Nice thought, Renewable,

It seems to me, that statement has been made over the last few days in action and not words. The launch was only exclamation mark at the end of Putin's  wordless 'statement'.

A deal was done is why Putin spoke last night, imo.

We may have to wait a few months to see it, though; the dogs of war must be fed-------

unless, they join the US defense force-----how many states are now ready to do the 'Crimean'?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:14 | 4508238 TaperProof
TaperProof's picture

That missile might as well be a middle finger extending upward from putins clenched fist.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:28 | 4508345 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Exactly. Maximum entertainment value.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:46 | 4508807 1100-TACTICAL-12
1100-TACTICAL-12's picture

start of ww3 ?

blows over ?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:53 | 4508084 drink or die
drink or die's picture

looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:11 | 4508217 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Looks like I picked the right week to start sniffing glue...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:18 | 4508272 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I'm trying to word a response to this tying in Kerry the Horse Man and glue factory, and glue sniffing, and not shorting glue while Kerry is alive, but I can't seem to put it together succintly, and so, in the effort of getting this seen very quickly for the very hungry ZH readership, and seeking their undelayed approval, I am posting this comment in a Tyleristic ultra-runon commafest that will end in a very highly compounded sentence that leaves you somewhat exhausted but nonetheless well informed of the goings-on.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:38 | 4508752 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

If you want to dissuade glue sniffing, today, then inform the users that they might be, in the near future, sniffing up Kerry's asshole as he will be retired to the glue factory that make that shit.

 

So they need rid themselves of the habit today so as to avoid inhaling Kerry's asshole in the future..

 

Is that what you meant?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:17 | 4508989 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

{INSERT CHART}

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:05 | 4508255 dow jones 20000
dow jones 20000's picture

bullish elmer's glue products.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:54 | 4508085 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Obama and Kerry gettin smoked like a blunt.

The dumb and blind leading the dumb and blind.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:58 | 4508094 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

putin just curb stomped kerry and obama, making them look like sissy girl.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508097 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

don't Bogart that joint comrade

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:54 | 4508086 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

is it heading for kerrys head?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:14 | 4508241 balanced
balanced's picture

Can't be a coincidence that it was fired in Kazakhstan which is just a hop, skip, and a jump from Ukraine, where Kerry is (or is about to be) handing over a check for $1B -- to be quickly passed to Russia in order to keep the oil and gas flowing.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:27 | 4508343 geno-econ
geno-econ's picture

Correction--- only half goes to Russia, the other half goes to the new Ukraine President. Whoops we have a new multimillionaire in Ukraine just as we created in Iraq and Afghanistan except many, many more.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:54 | 4508087 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

Aim for the wookies big ole' buttt

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:59 | 4508123 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Aim?

All that is needed is to point in the general direction.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:28 | 4508347 hunglow
hunglow's picture

Gravity & mass. Gravity & mass.  Half way there and it will home.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:51 | 4508499 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Proximity fuse may not function properly.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:22 | 4508303 superflex
superflex's picture

No need to aim.  The gravitational pull from that wide load is enough to suck in anything within a 100 sphere of influence.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508089 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Errrr....is this part of that whole Rothschild's population control thing....er something?

Rally on the rumor....sell on impact?

Additionally, and if the US is going to surrender....can we surrender a little more quickly, please?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:54 | 4508091 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

that should get the S&P to 1900.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508092 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

These things are scheduled and are always communicated to NORAD and anyone else who cares so why is the market having a hissy fit?  Oh yeah because its not humans who are reading these stories any more.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:59 | 4508116 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Maybe this one wasn't.

Two can rattle sabres as well as one.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:16 | 4508119 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

Thank you! I was just about to say the same thing. Noone launches anything without notifying the other side.

I wonder how long would it take NORAD to pick up a night-time inter-continental ballistic launch? It's gotta lightup the region like a bloody Christmas tree.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:02 | 4508565 SmallerGovNow2
SmallerGovNow2's picture

24 hour notice required by agreement...

"In May 1988, the United States proposed to the Soviets that, as a confidence-building measure, the sides conclude a separate agreement calling for advance notification of ICBM and SLBM launches. The Soviets agreed, and on May 31, 1988, in Moscow, U.S. Secretary of State Shultz and Soviet Foreign Minister Shevardnadze signed the Agreement on Notifications of ICBM and SLBM Launches. The Agreement provides for notification, no less than 24 hours in advance, of the planned date, launch area, and area of impact for any launch of an ICBM or SLBM. The Agreement also provides that these notifications be provided through the Nuclear Risk Reduction Centers. The Agreement entered into force on the date it was signed."

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:37 | 4508749 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

Thanks for that. Common sense would dictate there's a protocol in place for such things. It'd be unfortunate to end life as we know it cause of a single "blank" shot.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:53 | 4508843 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

All agreements with the Soviet Union are pretty much Null and Void as the Soviet Union ceased to exist in 1992. The Balkanization created the problems that we are having today. (The Ukraine was once a state under the Soviet Union.)  PUKIN is the leader of the Russian Federation.

 

WE need to test launch a few ourselves and target the North Pole. That might bring a Hot Response from PUKIN.

 

Who wants to live in a Totalitarian World Government anyway?

 

There are no solutions, folks. We are doomed. It might as well be done and over with as it is painful to anticipate the painful and dismal end.

 

(Man..When it happens I will be heading TOWARD Ground Zero. Suffering through a Nuclear War and somehow surviving it to be killed off after much suffering is not an outcome which I prefer.)

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:31 | 4509075 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

Your first paragraph is wrong (I won't comment on the rest as you seem to be rambling) - see below for explanation.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:47 | 4509159 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Yeah but technically the Soviet Union does not exist.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:12 | 4508137 One And Only
One And Only's picture

No they don't. Russia doesn't tell NORAD shit (unless they feel like it)

Ridiculous comment.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:40 | 4508405 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

You are the worst kind of idiot, i.e. one who has illusions of being smart.

 

For the nourishment of your feeble mind (assuming you can read) the Ballistic Missile Launch Notification Agreement:   http://www.state.gov/t/isn/4714.htm

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:51 | 4508460 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Because Russia is really good about following agreements.

"US says Russia conducted missile test banned by 1987 treaty"

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2014/01/30/us-says-russia-conducted-miss...

There's a saying about Russia...If they sign something it only means they were present at the meeting.

You ad hominem attack throwing piece of shit.

And if you could forward me a copy of the Russian missile launch schedule....that would be greeaaat.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:53 | 4508500 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

How's this for ad hominem:  Stop Being a Fucking Retard!! 

 

Second paragraph in case you are particularly intellectually challenged (FYI: I found this in 2 seconds of Google research).

 

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/russia-test-fires-icbm-amid-tension-over-ukr...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:00 | 4508541 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Well if the Pentagon said it it must be true because the Pentagon has never lied (see wikileaks for a complete unabridged list of lies that is tens of thousands of pages long)

They said that to avoid looking like a flaccid penis. Now that everyone knos the US spies on every phone call and email ever sent it's a lot harder for them to look like they know what they're doing; see here

Like I said...forward me a copy of the schedule. Until then...STFU

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:59 | 4508858 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

The Soviet Union does not exist. Don't you have a clue?

 

Is there an agreement with the Russian Federation?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:33 | 4509032 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

Actually I do (or apparently far more so than you do).  The terms of the Ballistic Missile Launch Notification Agreement were incorporated (with some minor additions) into the START I treaty with the USSR and USA (Note: I posted the link to the BMLNA for brevity's sake as opposed to sending people to wade through the 18+ articles of the START I Treaty).   Upon the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991-2, the four successor republics with nuclear weapons (i.e., Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan and RUSSIA) entered into an addendum to the START I Treaty effectively obligating themselves as if they were original signatories to the Treaty (this obviated the need to apply the standard international law "successor states" analysis to the application of the START I Treaty).

While I know this information off-hand (ahhh the beauty of an Ivy-League legal education), it's really easy to find this out without making an ass out of yourself by asking someone the rhetorical question of whether or not they have a clue when clearly you don't know a damn thing about what you are posting about.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:54 | 4509128 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

You produced an incomplete source.  You might have written your description about your knowledge rather than providing an incomplete source.  You chose not to do that. We can read. I have been known to do a lot of reading.

 

As for your 18+ articles then you use them. I am still waiting for your sources...

 

All treaties had to be reworked by the USA in concern to the Russian Federation.

 

They even made an agreement about not invading the Ukraine...which IS MORE THAN EVIDENTIAL that they did not honor.

 

The Russian Federation still holds a seat on the UN Security Council. By what law???

 

And actually I do have access to one hell of a lot more information and education than you think that you know Mr. "Ivy League". You haven't any clue about what I know and how much research that I have done concerning Geopolitics.

 

And I will bet that I will overwhelm you when it addresses my expertise in the Physical Sciences and Mathematics.

 

That was a piss poor presentation and your arrogance that stands behind it is that which is ridiculous. Is that what I am to expect from an "Ivy League Scholar"??? 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 18:48 | 4509440 Cheater5
Cheater5's picture

"As for your 18+ articles then you use them. I am still waiting for your sources..."

If you had bothered to look up the START I Treaty instead of running your mouth (keyboard?) you would have realized that term "Articles" is synonymous with the term "Sections" as in "Article I of the Constitution of the United States."  I guess Ron White was correct, you truly can't fix stupid.  Beacuse your Google skills appear to be lacking, here you are:  http://www.fas.org/nuke/control/start1/text/treatytc.htm#TREATYTOC

 

"The Russian Federation still holds a seat on the UN Security Council. By what law???"

No law.  There was an agreement between the successor states of USSR.  But again that is easy to look up and not germane to the question of the START I Treaty question you raised.  More attempted deflection?

 

"You might have written your description about your knowledge rather than providing an incomplete source."

No.  I answered your implicit question from your prior post as to how the Russian Federation was bound by the notification requirements contained in the Ballistic Missile Launch Notification Agreement as restated by the START I Treaty.  What you are objecting to is the tone I took in response to your rhetorical question as to level of my knowledge on the subject.  That sting you are feeling is the realization that you are objectively wrong on the subject and that your attempt to use bluster as an avoidance technique is ineffective.

 

 

"And I will bet that I will overwhelm you when it addresses my expertise in the Physical Sciences and Mathematics."

When you post something that is outside my area of expertise, I'm sure that I will either keep my mouth shut or frame my questions in a way that doesn't imply that I have all the answers and that you are an idiot.

 

As for the rest of your missive, you seem to be rambling again.

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 19:40 | 4509627 lewietheparrot
lewietheparrot's picture

Tall Tom,

With all due respect, I read today that the Russians agreement with the Ukraine for their Crimean base allows them to maintain a maximum force there of 25,000 troops.

I don't know the truth of this, but you might want to see this:

http://rt.com/news/russian-troops-crimea-ukraine-816/

I don't know---I am not a world class attorney, mathematician, or scientist-----just an old man that likes the truth whereever he finds it.

Thanks for your post

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:52 | 4508508 beaglebog
beaglebog's picture

A few people have said that the firings were scheduled ... that "we" knew all about them.

 

S'funny that "we" forgot to mention them, before the fact ... given all the fucking International fucking tension.

 

An oversight, I expect.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 16:01 | 4508561 walküre
walküre's picture

Bureaucrats in a bunker. Probably on stress leave from the SEC.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:16 | 4508978 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Hope they brought lots of kleenex.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:31 | 4509080 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

Tissue for the midget lesbo porn or all the tears from Barry being bitchslapped, inquiring minds and all...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508093 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

I am definitely bullish on total nuclear armageddon.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:57 | 4508111 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Glowing shoots. 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:06 | 4508181 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

"The site is currently not available due to technical problems. Please try again later. Thank you for your understanding."

For a moment I feared the icbm hit ZH servers...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:18 | 4508276 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

No ,,,But the nsa sure is!

ZH has been horrible to get onto lately!

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:56 | 4509209 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

So I am not the only one having problems.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 17:17 | 4508987 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

"If you like your mutant-free non-radioactive future, you can keep your mutant-free non radioactive future."

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508095 replaceme
replaceme's picture

BOTH.  6 o'clock tv hour don't get caught in foreign tower.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:07 | 4508185 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

lenny bruce is afraid

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:55 | 4508096 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

That is desperation... what else is not going according to the plan?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:59 | 4508124 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

you and that so called boyfriend of yours.

you have no idea how much fun you're missing out on.

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:15 | 4508256 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

heh? :)

I know black cats look all alike but you surely are mistaking me for someone in your close circle...

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:56 | 4508099 jubber
jubber's picture

fuck Dow still up 220 !

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:57 | 4508108 maskone909
maskone909's picture

Yep no stall from this view

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 15:30 | 4508362 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

There is no longer a "market" that behaves like one.

There is only an AI system that behaves like its owners want it to.

Plan, pack, stack and rack accordingly.
How many to beam up?

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:57 | 4508100 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

But was it an already scheduled one?

It's just that if so letting it go forward is a little different.

 

Tue, 03/04/2014 - 14:56 | 4508102 Bosch
Bosch's picture

Rally stalls, down 12 points or (-.000732%). 

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