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John Kerry To Explain Today's Progress - Live Feed

Tyler Durden's picture


The best they can say about today's meetings in Paris is that all the leaders agree to disagree - both over possible sanctions and over whether Russia is doing anything illegal. Confused yet? US Secretary of State John Kerry will explain it all in his press conference due up soon...



Lavrov said in his comments today that

"Kerry acknowledged that... in conditions of threats and ultimatums, it is very difficult to work on honest agreements that will then help the Ukrainain people to stabilise the situation."

Via Xinhua,

U.S. secretary of state, British foreign secretary and Ukrainian interim foreign minister on Wednesday urged Russia to honor the 1994 Budapest Memorandum.


"The Budapest Memorandum sets out the obligations of signatories in return for Ukraine giving up its nuclear weapons," John Kerry, William Hague and Andriy Deshchytsia said in a joint statement while meeting in Paris Wednesday.


"The Memorandum also obliges the UK, U.S. and Russia to consult in the event of a situation arising where the memorandum commitments are questioned," the statement said.


The United States had conveyed an invitation to Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, but he didn't attend the meeting, according to the statement.


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Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:25 | 4513217 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

The new face came out nice. Dapper do too.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:28 | 4513232 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

"Either you're with us, or you will be labeled a terrorist guilty of crimes against humanity regardless of your actions, beliefs, or ethnicity."

- Every US Sec. of State

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:29 | 4513243 Thought Processor
Thought Processor's picture



This might be delayed a bit.  


He hasn't received his talking points yet.


(stay w/ the story line this time John.......)



Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:32 | 4513257 Meat Hammer
Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:34 | 4513283 Arius
Arius's picture

Kerry - Lavrov is the channel to watch ... watch these guys, they have a long way of cooperation together and are able to solve tough stuff ...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:49 | 4513382 negative rates
negative rates's picture

He just threw a knuckler, or did it just bounce off of one?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:32 | 4513607 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

john kerry to explain todays progress after someone explains it to him progress

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:25 | 4513563 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

John Kerry To Explain Today's Progress

That should be very easy, considering there is no progress to talk about.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:59 | 4513718 PontifexMaximus
PontifexMaximus's picture

Are you drunk?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:48 | 4513285 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

The Budapest Memorandum?

The document that states, "The United States of America, the Russian Federation, and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, reaffirm their commitment to Ukraine, in accordance with the principles of the CSCE Final Act, to refrain from economic coercion designed to subordinate to their own interest the exercise by Ukraine of the rights inherent in its sovereignty and thus to secure advantages of any kind."

Economic coercion. Political coercion. Inciting a coup. The US breached this agreement on multiple occasions.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 20:46 | 4514476 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

It is interesting to note that there were causualties in the uprising but none in the invasion.  The need for monitors is prior to the referendum, late this month right?  There should be plenty of them spread far and wide. I think any breaches of the Budapest Memorandum can be overlooked if the referendum goes down proper and the will of the people is heard.

As to the US inciting the coup, that may be a bridge too far. If Mr. Omidayar is a citizen than a citizen of the United States incited a coup.  But he is a leftist and Eric Holder runs our justice department, so no doubt there will be no repurcussions for his behavior. The flip side of all this is there is a clear connection between Greenwald, Snowden, Omidayar, and Russia at least to the extent that they are harboring snowden (no comment on right or wrong here, just the facts).  So a cynical observer might posit that the purpose of the whole episode was to provide an excuse for Putin to invade Crimea so he could secure the port at Sevastpol. As I understand this is the warm water port Russia wants control of.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 21:00 | 4514589 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

Further, if all of the smoke can clear and Putin keeps from slaughtering any innocents, and war doesn't break out, and the will of the crimean penisula is consistent with such, it would not seem to be a bad idea to persuade Putin to drop support for Iran and Syria (which means he will get competition for natgas) by sending some manufactuting capacity that way.  It would provide jobs for the people there and could supplement the loss of GDP, and perhaps avoid war over the allegiances in the middle east. Iran could come out of this with much long term prosperity for their people by being allowed access to markets, development of their hydrocarbons both crude oil exports and a pipeline to the EU for natgas.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:35 | 4513293 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

Please HEINZ [for the sake of us all]... Try to keep it 'neat...sweet...& petite"...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:36 | 4513294 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Borat can do a better job, I think.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:12 | 4513507 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

I'm gonna miss Kerry's Inlightnin' speech. I've decided to rip my finger-nails off with a pliars. Less painfull then listening to this DUMB-ASS!

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:59 | 4513446 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:09 | 4513495 HyBrasilian
HyBrasilian's picture

U kinda missed the 'lizard eye' feature...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:13 | 4513513 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

No. It's perfect. It has a Two-Face from Batman look to it. As a matter of fact, Kerry is the personification of the duality of the  Harvey Dent/Two-Face character. 

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 19:16 | 4514033 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

A horse face of a different color.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:14 | 4513515 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

I think Kerry may have actually been a decent and honorable man once upon a time.  For that matter, McCain may have been.

Power not only corrupts, it makes one dishonest and stupid.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:17 | 4513528 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

What about him gives you that impression?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:21 | 4513548 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Honor has never been part of Kerry's vocabulary. He is an sociopathic opportunist who has exhibited a lack of honor and decency throughout his career, from college to Vietnam, Congress and as Sec State. 

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 20:36 | 4514469 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Kerry has always been an asshole. Even before the married the ketchup queen. Ask anyone in Bahston that was / is not on his or Teddy Karwash Kennedy's payroll.   

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:27 | 4513576 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

Sorry WB, but it's hard to find a pure clown scary...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 21:08 | 4514625 Chuck Walla
Chuck Walla's picture

The fount of truth from a guy who made his bones lying about the US Military before congress.



Wed, 03/05/2014 - 22:44 | 4515076 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

up arrow for hard work but he is not scarey, disgusting rich son-in-law.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:25 | 4513220 superflex
superflex's picture

Just let him finish his bag of oats first.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:25 | 4513223 dow jones 20000
dow jones 20000's picture

who taught that horse to talk?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:31 | 4513241 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Horses are noble creatures. Let's not insult horses by comparing them to that lying genocidal warmonger:

The American media has blacked out an account by Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist Seymour Hersh demonstrating that President Barack Obama and the US government lied when they claimed to have proof that the Syrian government carried out a sarin gas attack last August on areas near Damascus held by US-backed “rebels.”

Obama, Secretary of State John Kerry, US ambassador to the United Nations Samantha Power and other top officials declared categorically that the August 21 attack on Eastern Ghouta, which reportedly killed hundreds of people, had been carried out by the Syrian military. They, along with the leaders of Britain and France, sought to use the gas attack to stampede public opinion behind their plans to attack Syria, cripple the regime of President Bashar al-Assad, and install a puppet government.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:34 | 4513280 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture


Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:09 | 4513492 de3de8
de3de8's picture

Pls don't insult Mr. Ed

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:35 | 4513609 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

State Dept Spokesman: "We can open the floor now for questions for the Secretary."

Reporter 1: "Secretary Kerry, how many of the agreed-to treaty stipulations were violated by Russia by this incursion?"

Kerry: [CLOP] .... [CLOP] ..... .... [CLOP]

State Dept Spokesman: "That would be three violations on Russia's part.  Next question."

Reporter 2: "Secretary Kerry, how many carrots am I holding up?"

Kerry: [CLOP]... .... [CLOP]

State Dept Spokesman: "That would be two indeed, please pass those along now.  Thanks.  Question time is spent, Secretary Kerry would now like to shake his head and dance sideways.  He'll be available for clover-feeding after the recess.  Thank you."

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:50 | 4513391 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Mr. Ed still can't!

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:28 | 4513238 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

"Will we allow this injustice to stand? Neigh, I say, neigh!"

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:30 | 4513244 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Go home, John.  You're drunk.  

There is really no other way to explain the nonsense we're hearing from Secretary of State Pokey.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:33 | 4513268 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Some people are assholes when they drink.

Others, like Kerry, are assholes when sober as well.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:41 | 4513330 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Except the libation I'm speaking of is power.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:51 | 4513399 Dollarmedes
Dollarmedes's picture

Kerry's in for a rude awakening when he discovers he's a "leader" with no followers.

I'm so glad we live in an era of smart diplomacy.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:29 | 4513250 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

The USofA is so fortunate to have such stellar folks running the show. /Sarc off


Momma mia.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:30 | 4513253 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

Skull and Bones said what?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:43 | 4513341 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

Weaving Spiders Come Not Here.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:30 | 4513254 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Who is worse.  Hillary or

This dick!

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:45 | 4513352 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

Hillary because she is a drunk-on-power, raving, babylonian whore. Lurch has to have permission.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:31 | 4513260 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The honest answer is "there is no diplomacy" here.
John Kerry's trip to Kiev assured that actually.

"We've staked out our position.
They've staked out there's."

That's called WAR.
"And here come the French" who we stabbed in the back on Syria.
The French do not forget these things.

"The planning for the American Invasion of Russia" is now well underway.
I would advise the President against such a move...however, you never know with all those Commanders currently in the field.

I'm sure the English won't make any trouble either...especially with the Sultan looking on.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:52 | 4513401 negative rates
negative rates's picture

You still need to have your head checked.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:32 | 4513266 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     You belong in prison with a bucket full of apple pruno horsehead...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:33 | 4513267 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

I can't wait to hear what demonic horse face with no testicles has to tell us...

Just to preempt the out of controll spin of the last 13 years coming out of the mouths and asses you're likely to hear given the source, John breath will probably be reading this from his teleprompter.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:38 | 4513311 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Yes and adding insult to injury in the torture department of the U.S. Government. Spying and more than likely threatening and bribing our elected ones from Langley and Ft. Meade who know too much...

If we have any representatives in camo over there... John breath might just want to consult with Putin on how the treatment of captured U.S. "peoples" will be for sabotaging his neighbor and creating the conditions for a World War?!!!

I think "non-enemy combatant status" is on the table! 

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:19 | 4513543 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Horse with no balls = gelding.


Hence, John "The Gelding" Kerry.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:33 | 4513269 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

Lurch Forward

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 20:30 | 4514442 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Hunch Back

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:34 | 4513277 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

The question is one of who in all existence can explain why John Kerry exists, much less is our SOS.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:35 | 4513279 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Kerry doing his best Chamberlain; except Putin is playing the Brits and the U.S. is playing Germany.

Mr. Ed goes to Kiev, will return to barn shortly.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:34 | 4513281 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Both sides are looking for: (A) a Deal and (B) Face-saving Exit Ramp.

Ukrainians will have to clean own house: (a) get rid of the Neocon-Nazis in Gov, and (b) pay their fucking bills.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:45 | 4513307 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

The Romulans will not allow an Andorian incursion into the neutral zone.

Unfortunately for Ukraine the neutral zone starts at their Western border.

Look, here is Wolfgang Schäuble without his human disguise:

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:42 | 4513337 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Kind of a dumb question but why should Ukraine pay their bills when the US does not have to?  Not really fair is it?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:40 | 4513296 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Two guys and a horse walk into a bar.  Few beers later, one guy says to his buddy "I bet you $20 I can make that horse laugh."  "OK, you're on," says the other guy.  First guy goes over to the horse, has a few words with him and a few seconds later the horse is laughing hysterically.

"That was amazing!" he says as he hands over the $20.  "You ain't seen nothing.  For another $20 I bet I can make him ball his eyes out crying."  His buddy says "This I gotta see.  OK, fine, twenty bucks you can't make him cry."

Guy goes over, has a few more words with the horse and they both walk outside.  A minute later he and the horse walk back in.  The horse is crying his eyes out.

"Unbelievievable!" says his buddy as he hands over another $20.  "How did you do that??"

"Easy.  First time I told him my cock was longer than his, second time I took him outside and showed him."

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:54 | 4513418 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Oh Yea, chop chop anyone??

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:57 | 4513433 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Kerry's speech in a nutshell (opens in new window)

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:36 | 4513297 TaperProof
TaperProof's picture

what a load of horse shit

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:43 | 4513303 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

If the U.S. (via NATO) weren't looking to get into a war, they would downplay all of this, say Putin is a swell guy, and that this has all been blown out of proportion.  

The State clit-licking of the media is proof that WOAR is the final objective.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:44 | 4513346 monad
monad's picture

Not the US, the parasitic zionist regime so many countries host. 

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:49 | 4513383 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

+1.  Fixed it for me.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:46 | 4513658 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

Dr Paul Craig Roberts, “No greater evil exists than the government of the United States.”

This should go down as one of the great quotes of 2014.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:37 | 4513305 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

You coundn't pay me a million shalom bux to bang a woman as ugly as his wife... but for a billion, i might consider it...

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:48 | 4513371 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Maria Bartiromo on the Fox News set with Shepard Smith to comment on economic implications of Ukraine.

No nugget nipples yet, thick green dress, but if Gold is down today look for them.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:51 | 4513389 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

+ infinity for nugget nipples!

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:53 | 4513393 Cold Grub
Cold Grub's picture

The Hay Burner says:

Just because we told a little  fib that Iraq had WMD'S  it doesn't mean you can tell  Whoppers !!!!

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:53 | 4513406 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture



Just like I said, another excuse to stay in a 5 star hotel and eat in a 5 star restraunt while discussing the Ukraine.


Watch as nothing gets accomplished .

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:53 | 4513408 Hindenburg...Oh Man
Hindenburg...Oh Man's picture

what happened at 3:45 that started the gold hammering...?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:53 | 4513414 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

This bombastic clown, like most of Lord Obongo's other cretins... is painfully embarassing... as a nation, we are now hold as much sway in the world as Butt-fuck Egypt.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:56 | 4513429 negative rates
negative rates's picture

That's what we call legislative qualitative easing.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 16:57 | 4513436 Phuk u
Phuk u's picture

Why the long face John ?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:26 | 4513504 hoist the bs flag
hoist the bs flag's picture



Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:49 | 4513566 falak pema
falak pema's picture

The fact remains that the Budapest 1994 agreement is the only legal document that will permit the puppet masters; aka USA/EU on the one hand and Putin's Russia; to move forward.

The masks will have to come off as Ukraine puts us back in the Cold War. With a hard assed bang that jangles the world's already distended nerves. 


1° THe Gazprom energy conundrum feeding EU. Its the only real fossil energy line that is export trade oriented in a world running out of conventional oil. Not easy to find a viable alternative for a huge EU import market, whereas down the time line Russia has China/Japan/KOrea as back up in five years time.

2° The MIC conundrum. 8000 nuclear warheads look at their counterparts eye to eye without any dead space between them. TWO empires are now face to face once again.

3° The monetary conundrum at the heart of the current crisis of a western world drowning in fiat and a Russia floating in hard energy and RM excess; albeit constrained by chronic statist corruption. Will the technology edge of West be able to beat the combined might of Russian RM/energy reservoir and Chinese factory cum consumer deep state potential cum trade surplus based on "world factory" dominance reality ?

We are now in the TRUE CROSS HAIRS of Pax Americana contradictions and its coming to tipping point of cauldron bubble. Admittedly there is the counter realty of EM dystopia in chronic corruption and financial overstreach...

Too many balls up in the air. Obammy and consorts have to make that call while Putin plays at turning the screws harder into the interstices of global dystopian fault lines of the West.

Its a dangerous game and win-lose poker plays or win-win hopium could turn to lose-lose dystopia at the strike of a match in the global tinder box. 

Lets keep in mind behind all this geopolitics is the stand off between Pax Americana and Putin's Eurasian dream and Ukraine is just a punching ball in this game of longer term consequence.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:43 | 4513650 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Basically he is saying russia is not playing nice and he is disappointed

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:46 | 4513656 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

But back to AIPAC. The op-ed ”Don’t let up on Iran,” written by Michael Kassen and Lee Rosenberg, respectively president and chairman of the board of that organization, starts out with two lies in its very first sentence: “Like all Americans, we strongly hope that the Obama administration’s diplomatic efforts lead to the peaceful dismantling of Iran’s nuclear weapons program.” First of all, AIPAC has been dismissing diplomacy while urging the military option against Iran for years and second, even the US and Israeli governments agree that Iran does not in fact have a nuclear weapons program. Besides which, AIPAC on its website says something that is significantly different, demanding steps to “…prevent Iran from achieving a nuclear weapons capability” which is something Tehran already has technically speaking and is therefore a mandate for war. One might also question how Kassen and Rosenberg are quite “like all Americans” in that they work for an organization that is self-described as “America’s Pro-,” but we’ll give that one a pass as three lies in one sentence would be too much even for the New York Times.



Mr. Kohn doesn't answer to the American People as a whole.  Only to a chosen few.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 17:52 | 4513680 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Anyone know wtf is wrong with Cohen's face?

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 18:12 | 4513780 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Tack accident.

Looks like someone twisted the 'twitch' too hard, to quieten him down in his stall.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 18:02 | 4513730 Phuk u
Phuk u's picture

There is a lot of misinformation floating around as well as dead unarmed people

Why do you think Putin is so tough ? He is a schizophrenic, you people have been suckered

This has the potential of WW3 so your gold bars and silver dollars will not help.


Stop buying into RT bullshit ZH

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 19:58 | 4514271 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

tough = schizophrenic?! No doubt you prefer the psychotic chickenhawks like Kerry and that bunch of dual passport neocons surrounding Obama.

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 20:10 | 4514347 esum
esum's picture



doesn't leak wearing depends for old men

Wed, 03/05/2014 - 21:38 | 4514728 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

h a v e

y o u

n o t e

t e s t

h o w

c o h e n

s t r e t c h e s

o u t 

h i s

w o r d s

more like

kazhari satanic lizard lip nlp

rather than the lovely vocal inflections

of human jfk


Wed, 03/05/2014 - 21:31 | 4514739 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

every day this fella has a new face

what gives?

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