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Obama Spoke To Putin For One Hour: White House Summarizes The Conversation

Tyler Durden's picture


A week after Obama held his first crisis photo op holding a phone while supposedly talking to Putin, he has followed up with another, hour-long conversation. Below is the official White House statement on what was said.

Readout of President Obama’s call with President Putin of Russia


President Obama spoke for an hour this afternoon with President Putin of Russia.


President Obama emphasized that Russia’s actions are in violation of Ukraine’s sovereignty and territorial integrity, which has led us to take several steps in response, in coordination with our European partners.


President Obama indicated that there is a way to resolve the situation diplomatically, which addresses the interests of Russia, the people of Ukraine, and the international community.


As a part of that resolution, the governments of Ukraine and Russia would hold direct talks, facilitated by the international community; international monitors could ensure that the rights of all Ukrainians are protected, including ethnic Russians; Russian forces would return to their bases; and the international community would work together to support the Ukrainian people as they prepare for elections in May.


President Obama indicated that Secretary Kerry would continue discussions with Foreign Minister Lavrov, the government of Ukraine, and other international partners in the days to come to advance those objectives.

And here is the just released Kremlin version:

At the initiative of the American side was held a telephone conversation between Vladimir Putin and the President of the United States Barack Obama.


The acute situation in Ukraine was the topic of the continued conversation. The discussion revealed differences in the approaches and assessments of the causes of the current crisis and situation.


Vladimir Putin, in particular, noted that as a result of the anti-constitutional coup that does not have a national mandate, the current Ukrainian leadership is imposing the Eastern and Southeastern regions of Ukraine and Crimea absolutely illegitimate decisions. Russia can not ignore any appeals for helpd addressed to it in this regard, and is acting appropriately, in full compliance with international law.


The Russian President stressed the paramount importance of Russian-American relations to ensure stability and security in the world. These relations should not be sacrificed due to individual - albeit very important - international problems.


The two leaders agreed that the foreign ministers Sergei Lavrov and John Kerry will continue intensive contacts.

In other words, even more of the same. We eagerly await the Kremlin's take of the same phone conversation. In the meantime, while we await for the official visual from this particular photo op, here is the one from last Saturday.


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Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:55 | 4519251 Stackers
Stackers's picture

... Obama then spent 2hrs getting in a quick 9 holes of golf

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:58 | 4519262 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

Putin:  I thought you were going to be more flexible after the election. Now bend over

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:02 | 4519279 Big Slick
Big Slick's picture

It ends in war.  Kyle Bass told me so.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:04 | 4519288 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Different photo, his hair changed color overnite.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:05 | 4519297 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

They desperately need cover for a market crash. The screwed up Syria and had to back off. If Putin can outwit them again, this whole shebang is going to blow up in Obama's face.



Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:07 | 4519311 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"C'mon, Vlad, I already said Uncle. Don't make me say it in public. Please?"

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:13 | 4519334 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Black Friday (take 279) Bitchez.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:28 | 4519368 Looney
Looney's picture

It sounds more like a phone MONOLOGUE than a conversation. I think? :-)


Edit: Putin to "0-in-chief" - Send me that bitch Kanye Vvvest and vee vill koll it even ;-)

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:43 | 4519450 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Obama: If you continue any further that would cross a red line for us.

Putin: Give me your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.


Vroom, vrrrooooom Vrrrrrrrrrrr.

<Putin rides off>


Obama: Anyone got a dime? I need to call my mom.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:49 | 4519481 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Except Putin wouldn't be caught dead on a bicycle with mom jeans.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:51 | 4519489 knukles
knukles's picture

What's to talk about?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:03 | 4519539 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

ummm..."the Pentagon's estimate for the number of dead just went to six figures" and "the only response is a counter attack."

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:04 | 4519544 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

I'm surprised Putin hasn't put in an answering machine...,

or caller ID.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:08 | 4519557 Payne
Payne's picture

Obama was on the phone for an hour, Putin 5 mins, the other 55 Obama was on hold waiting.  Just like callers to Obamacare exchanges.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:15 | 4519584 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Putin: Stop wasting my time and transfer my call to Jamie Dimon.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:55 | 4519720 Tabarnaque
Tabarnaque's picture

I agree with Crazy Cooter. The West desperately need cover for the coming crash. This means that the end game is coming soon. Prepare accordingly; buy more physical gold and get out of the banking system now. The USD crashed yesterday. This is just the beginning as I don't think that only Russia will sell USD and treasuries. There's a whole bunch of other pissed off nations looking at moving away from the USD.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:26 | 4519968 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture


Putin: I'm going to fuck you up the ass.

Obama: OK

Putin:  Not literally!

Obama:  Bummer :(

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 06:12 | 4520427 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

So a half black Jew walks into a bar in Kiev...

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 00:31 | 4520123 TheMeatTrapper
TheMeatTrapper's picture

Word on the street is that Putin was playing Angry Birds while President Stompyfeet was talking; but he was playing the Russian version where you slingshot Obama into a pile of pig bankers and knock them all down. 

Over, and over and over again.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:12 | 4519572 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

The White House switchboard connected him to Igor Putin, no relation to Vlad, but Obama couldn't tell the difference.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:52 | 4519868 Lore
Lore's picture

Wow!  O speaks Russkie!

And his sleeves are rolled up. When sleeves are rolled up for these staged images, it's supposed to convey rugged manliness.  Ohhhh. You can feel it.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:53 | 4520043 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

The fact that in the middle of all the shit that's going down, he would be posing for stupid pictures screams what an a-hole he is.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 00:08 | 4520065 Lore
Lore's picture

You misunderstand!  The rolled up sleeves are supposed to evoke Rosie The Riveter.  You're supposed to be impressed that he came to America and got a JOB.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 00:31 | 4520124 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Oh, now I see. Thanks.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 02:35 | 4520246 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

I love the appeal to "international law" which according to the White House and what they told CNN to say is clearly violated.

My take, is that TPTB say "all border lines are now permanently etched in the sands of time..there can be no border modifications even if the people within that area prefer either their independence or unification with another nation"

Of course the tyrants take this position.  If they didn't, they would morally authorize secession...and if secession were allowed, then the entire .gov/.fed ponzi scheme collapses....which they can't tolerate.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:14 | 4519579 logicalman
logicalman's picture

NSA likely has a copy.

Might be an interesting excercise to do an FOI request on, if you are feeling suicidal.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:52 | 4519491 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Nah, crash won't happen 'til Monday the 17th. The translation of Putin's side of the conversation. "Subs are slow when running silent so we'll keep talking until they're off your coasts".

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:19 | 4519359 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Reason for the conversation:  throw a morsel on the table that the "markets" will snap up and ride to another 100 point gain in the Dow tomorrow.  On the ground, nothing changes.  Russia WILL get what they want.

Last time the US beat Russia (the USSR) into submission we did it economically.  That's going to be a lot tougher this time around.  And Putin knows it.  He knows exactly where the pain points are and he's pressing on every one of them.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:37 | 4519423 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

last tim ragan was president to

we've gone from tear down that wall, to tear this motherfucker down woot woot...jz in da hizzous

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:54 | 4520045 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Russia has a growing middle class.  Zio-Obama destroyed the American middle class. Amerika is TrayvonVille.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:29 | 4519399 strannick
strannick's picture

What wasn't said

O: We want to encircle you, and deprive u of your natgas income

Put: You will not do so without a fight and a financial Bond apocalypse

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:28 | 4519394 Debugas
Debugas's picture

yeah they desperately need force-majeure to writeoff their obligations

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:03 | 4519282 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:07 | 4519304 negative rates
negative rates's picture

You mean big boy, right?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:23 | 4519378 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture



Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:28 | 4519393 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

And one of them is a nut.

This is just embarrassing.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 07:26 | 4520476 blown income
blown income's picture

Your hoPes dovwn the fuckin drain


-Teddy KGB

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:09 | 4519920 OpTwoMistic
OpTwoMistic's picture

Community agitator

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:03 | 4519287 agent default
agent default's picture

Also: I want Alaska back.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:26 | 4519390 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

No. It's ours.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:32 | 4519408 agent default
agent default's picture

Will give you full refund.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:49 | 4519484 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

Now that's being flexible, I just love flexible.

Hey Vlad, does today's picture of me looking serious play any better over there? Over here in the US they call me a useless bitch.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:06 | 4519547 agent default
agent default's picture


(mumbles) Yobanaya suka.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:10 | 4519569 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

Yes Valerie, the call went very well.

We should notify our media people that both sides made good strides today, and that we are still exceptional. That should tie them over while you tell me what to think next.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 03:51 | 4520320 Flybyknight
Flybyknight's picture

No we think youu're still a cunt

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:04 | 4519295 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Yah masta' ...may I have another nicorette ?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:11 | 4519325 Thucydides
Thucydides's picture

Putin: If you like your foreign policy you can keep your foreign policy, you bony ass wimp.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:48 | 4519479 Van Halen
Van Halen's picture

Obama: Just wait till my next election and I'll be even more flexible.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 00:04 | 4520064 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Obama told Putin to bend his knees so he won't faint.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:50 | 4519486 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Obama got 2 holes of Reggie before leaving for 9 holes of golf

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:52 | 4520039 Freddie
Freddie's picture

LOL!  Obama thinks he is dealing with AIPAC NWO RINOs like Boehner, McConnel, Miss Lindsey Graham or senile blood thirsty McCain.

Putin probably laughs. The United States of Trayvon.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:55 | 4519254 stant
stant's picture

Now to phase 3 of fiendish plan.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:56 | 4519255 One And Only
One And Only's picture

"President Obama emphasized that Russia’s actions are in violation of Ukraine’s sovereignty and territorial integrity"

The government being overrun by a violent mob isn't?

Curious to see what Obama would say if what happened in Kiev happened in DC. Yanukovich WAS democratically elected by the people of Ukraine.

Obama is just a bumbling fucktard.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:11 | 4519321 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I've got a theory that the Google Glass project is actually the result of a failed experiment to create a wearable teleprompter for Obama so he'd avoid going off-script and fucking up spectacularly in public.

God only knows how stupid he sounds "off-the-cuff" trying to talk to Putin on the phone while Valerie Jarrett makes wild hand gestures at him.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:24 | 4519380 prains
prains's picture

my theory is these two ass clowns have game theoried this shit to the nth degree and are both acting on behest of their owners in a coordinated "fuck the EU" with all associate sock and ass puppets falling for every pawn to knight 6 move....

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:53 | 4519710 acetinker
acetinker's picture

That's so fucked up it deserves serious consideration.  What else is going on, that we're not hearing about?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:38 | 4519999 prains
prains's picture

yes it is fucked up, ergo the most probable outcome

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:27 | 4519389 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

That phone conversation just had to be pathetic.  This guy is an incompetent and ignorant fool.  Exactly what does he know about European history and politics?  Beyond Marx, very little.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:40 | 4519434 knukles
knukles's picture

He Knows that the British Empire invented Slavery and Pinochle, that all white blind people hate black people, that The Marx Brothers were Heroes of the Soviet Union which was an unholy alliance and bad marriage between Ed and Betty Soviet in 1929 Kiev, which is famous for where those genetically modified chicken with the cheese and ham are grown.
So don't push your luck.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:01 | 4519735 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Knuckles, you don't like me, remember?  Whoever, whatever you are, those words made me laugh.  Thought you should know.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 06:09 | 4520424 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

You're thinking of chicken cordon bleu, chicken Kiev is stuffed with butter and herbs.  Homer Simpson:  "Just remember, no one really wins a butter-eating contest!" -- from "Virtual Springfield" CDROM

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:31 | 4519406 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

considering i work for a crap bank and we can easily video conference anyone anywhere, and then there is skype, i find it hard to believe that they didn't use telegrams, i'm sure you guys get my drift.  who is pulling whose chain here?


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:40 | 4519444 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

diplomacy roulette

shirtless putin

pantsless obama

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 08:55 | 4520565 de3de8
de3de8's picture


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:56 | 4519256 VD
VD's picture

obama the klown

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:56 | 4519257 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

...To which Putin replied "Go fuck yourself"

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:57 | 4519258 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

What the hell could these two guys be talking about for an hour. My phone sex conversations don't last THAT long.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:26 | 4519385 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

It takes longer to get off the second and third time around...

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:42 | 4519431 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

It's really more like a 10 minute conversation drawn out to one hour by: translation of each speaker cuts 60 minutes to 30 minutes. Requests by each participant "WTF! Is that translation correct? I want a second translator to verify the WTF" cuts the 30 minutes down to 10 minutes.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:43 | 4519457 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

translation is much more difficult from russian to assclown than assclown to russian

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:58 | 4519518 Orly
Orly's picture

Now that was funny.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:39 | 4519678 Champie
Champie's picture

It has been noted by outside thinkers that translating to AND from assclown always fucks up any possibility of rational dialogue. The weak link is always the  assclown.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:51 | 4519492 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Maybe Putin can go several rounds, and Obama did say he'd be more flexible after the 'election'.

p.s. Is that the US or Chinese pronunciation of "l" in 'election?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:56 | 4519508 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

They have a pill to help you with that, CD

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:11 | 4519765 Blano
Blano's picture

/sarc my ass Cog.  I'm tellin' Mrs. Cog.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:58 | 4519263 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Here's a summary of the conversation in one graphic:

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:10 | 4519317 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:14 | 4519340 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture


Fri, 03/07/2014 - 06:11 | 4520426 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:58 | 4519267 ZeroChance
ZeroChance's picture

Only if us undeserving serfs could actually be trusted with such conversations of our "elected" leaders.  Probably uppity to even suggest such a thing.

That's right, monarchy and other "ancient" thoughts have been replaced by technocrats and others that are superior to us and we are not to be trusted to be even 15 levels removed from them.

Such is the state of "liberty".

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:07 | 4519308 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

The French have been doing that for 100 years.

Say no more.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 19:59 | 4519268 mbutler101
mbutler101's picture

Yes, yes, I have more flexibility...

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:02 | 4519278 reTARD
reTARD's picture

The USS Obama is about to be sunk. The question is: by who?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:00 | 4519527 prains
prains's picture

a big brown torpedo

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:03 | 4519281 denverdolomte
denverdolomte's picture

I hope Putin let Obama be clear......

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:25 | 4519622 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

...........he made sure there was no mistake.....

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:55 | 4519881 agent default
agent default's picture

Well, he'd better or he is in for at least another hour of horseshit. 

I feel sorry for a KGB guy.  How fucked up is that?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:03 | 4519283 MarkD
MarkD's picture

they know americans are gullible enough to believe this actually happened.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:03 | 4519284 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

"I'll see your Nobel Peace Prize nomination and raise you one Executive Order."

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:42 | 4519844 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

DT thanks for that bit of information. 

Like everything else "provisionally" within the NDAA -why should anyone be surprised of another "conditional emergency" with arbitrary and ambiguous guidelines for a psychopath to sit at his desk and slobber over to start WWIII?

False Flag in the incubator.  DoD on behalf of it's “interlocutors” at the DOS and CIA ready to go… Just waiting for the psychopath(s) to give the order and a salute will be close behind! 

Time to hoist the upside down “Old Glory” just one more time.  Cherish it because it might very well be the Republic’s last!


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:04 | 4519291 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture



Both these guys are getting schooled by London, Paris and Vienna. Part of me says "by me too" actually. Consider my job application submitted once this thing goes hot.

"Our best estimates are that"...and "once that then this."
bwhahahahaha. "wow, didn't see that one coming. wow, didn't see that one coming either. wow...according to this theory and that protocol that should...

cue "empty negotiating table with flags all around it in Paris."
for the next fifty years.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:08 | 4519315 negative rates
negative rates's picture

What the hell happened to my teeth??

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:12 | 4519575 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"we'll issue new teeth back at base.

consider springtime hockey season....

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:05 | 4519292 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

Obama Spoke **To** Putin For One Hour

... before he realized the phone was disconnected.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:08 | 4519313 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

consider it claimed.
now where's my interpreter?

"he said this!"
"well i hear she said that!"

hell of a way to start a war.
I haven't even had time to get my picnic basket ready for this one.
And no...i have no plans of going over there right now either.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:11 | 4519319 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Well you missed suicide class last night so you'll just have to drive around for a week and think about it.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:16 | 4519588 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

how moving.
take a good hard look at those "attackers."

same goes for "mister up arrow."
we've already taken sides.
by all means...choose yours.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:06 | 4519298 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Conversation time getting shorter.

Next talk 30 minutes, one after that will be 15 minutes, then 7 minutes, then 3 minutes, then 1 minute, then 30 seconds.

That last conversation will occur as Russian tanks, helicopters, and soldiers retake Kiev.

Obama:  "You can't do that!"

Putin:  "I just did."


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:14 | 4519337 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture


and people still aren't scared enough "save for over there."

"over there" can become "over here" in days.
no one is saying a WORD.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:09 | 4519301 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

I don't want to read some bs interpretation of what you think was said.  We have the "most open and transparent administration in US history," right?  Just call NSA, get the transcripts, and post those.  I have a little tingle running down my leg that suggests Putin just ate Obama's lunch (or dinner in this case), again.


Someone get the Prez a fucking TUMS, STAT!!!

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:07 | 4519306 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Good. Avoid war and the war profiteers. The banksters will be upset. Fuck them. 

Russia is a shit hole of a free for all ruled by those that can. China? Dirty, filthy and that is just their books. 

USA is the cleanest corrupt fascist state. Know your place serf!

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:38 | 4519670 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Not saying there is anything to this but... I wonder if there is any way to tie archeological sites with invaded countries over the last 30 years. One guy says there is a battle on this planet to discover ancient technologies and reverse engineer them.

Is Putin protecting something in Crimea?


"World’s oldest pyramid found in Crimea"

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:04 | 4519746 tip e. canoe
Fri, 03/07/2014 - 00:13 | 4520084 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Even I, a redneck from LA (lower alabama) do not need a calculator to know that 14000 BC was not 65 million years ago.  Even with leap years.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:08 | 4519307 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

A week after Obama held his first crisis photo op holding a phone while supposedly talking to Putin, he has followed up with another, hour-long conversation. Below is the official White House statement on what was said.

What do you think President Remus said to the photographer before they starting shooting? 

Make me look like JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  Okay I know what you're thinking... Do your best!

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:12 | 4519327 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

"What do you think President Remus said to the photographer before they starting shooting? "


...crop out  my golf shoes....

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:56 | 4519509 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

make sure you keep Reggie under the desk

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:07 | 4519310 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Why summarize it when we could just get copies of the telephone prompter cards?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:08 | 4519314 sudzee
sudzee's picture

NSA employees must have had a good laugh.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:09 | 4519316 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Obama: Hello?
Putin: Knock-Knock
Obama: (long sigh) Who's there?
Putin: Crimea.
Obama: Crimea Who?
Putin: Crimea river.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:21 | 4519370 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

this is more fun than i've ever had.  this is so much fun.  big bad bama banging the bear!!

President Obama emphasized that Russia’s actions are in violation of Ukraine’s sovereignty and territorial integrity, which has led us to take several steps in response, in coordination with our European partners.

As in our 'fuck the EU partners'.

how does a former noble prize winner, to the future nobel prize winner get out of that one?




Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:13 | 4519335 Reaper
Reaper's picture

Was Jarret able to speak directly to Putin?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:13 | 4519336 monad
monad's picture

What is that thing he's holding to his head?


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:22 | 4519374 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Funny how the only living human left on the planet who has a corded phone is -- the President.  Wonder.  Why.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:27 | 4519392 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

cordless easily taped. security


oh i forgot obama is still a faggot

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:30 | 4519398 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

It's a secure phone, like this one, but probably newer:

Too bad too, because that conversation would sound AWESOME on youtube!

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:11 | 4519913 monad
monad's picture

I'm sure the transponder on his wrist picked up both sides of the call. No loose ends. Capiche?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:20 | 4519604 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:14 | 4519338 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Hahahahha, he spoke to Putin, all right, except it was 1900VladThe Stud phone porn. If you happen to be in the Oval Orifice, I would not touch that phone the Bath House is holding, it's surely quite sticky.

I'll even bet a lot of used condoms are under that desk too, unless he goes bareback with Reggie.

If Backdoor Barry ever leaves, we'll have to pay a lot of taxes to hose down that place, preferably with Lysol.


Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:31 | 4519409 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

Plus all the changes Moochelle has made to the venerable place.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:47 | 4519475 knukles
knukles's picture

The VooDoo masks Sharpied all over the past presiden't portraits.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:18 | 4519347 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Hey Valad, <dammit> I gotta put you on hold... we just lost power.  I have no idea have no idea how I'm supposed answer your last question.  

Can I call you back?  

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:18 | 4519358 surf0766
surf0766's picture

What can a guy that wears mommy jeans do?

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:19 | 4519360 Azwethinkweiz
Azwethinkweiz's picture

Here's what happened after...

(Kinda pretty hilarious if you're a fan of Rocky)

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:19 | 4519367 Cold Grub
Cold Grub's picture

NSA......... roll the TAPES then we will know what Barry really said.!!

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:29 | 4519375 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Off topic, but if anyone is interested in this professional whore's PR stunt yesterday and how it's being spun by the "powers that be"!

Wonder it youtube actually allowed those 3 million + hits and if the "up"/"down" votes weren't fudged like everything else they control?  Didn't know RT News was that important to the MSM?

Here's RD' taking Ms. Wahl to the woodchipper.



Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:40 | 4519847 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Ah yes, Ryan Dawson.  Smart kid.  First I heard of him was a YT vid called 'how they fuck you' or sumpin' like that.  Can't find it just now.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:27 | 4519969 acetinker
acetinker's picture

OK, found part 2: Part 1 is buried pretty deep, it seems.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 23:31 | 4519979 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Part 1:  Via YT'er JoelAkaRaider

Sat, 03/08/2014 - 22:02 | 4526601 acetinker
acetinker's picture

As of now, exactly no one cares to reply.  Well then, you'll get the government you deserve.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:26 | 4519384 chuckroan
chuckroan's picture

*thinking* "I wonder what ole George W would wear to look tough.."

Blue jeans and rolled up blue shirt

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:49 | 4519482 knukles
knukles's picture

Robot Chicken always has him in a green flight suit.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:26 | 4519388 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Using behaviorial science, you can analyze Obama's state of mind and leadership qualities.  Hunched shoulders... weak.  Head down.. boredom and dejection.  They way he's holding the phone...  weak and appeasing.  Hands on hips is a desparate attempt to show strength, but Vlad didn't see that unless they are Skyping.  All he heard was a weak, passive, ineffective leader that is eager for his own country to lose.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:30 | 4519400 Aquarius
Aquarius's picture

We all know that Obama has an auto-pen for signing into Law what Israel demands,

and for murdering Americans, et al, by drone, ie the Presidents' Kill List.

But does he have an auto-mouth for saying to the World what Israel demands? An "auto-mouth" run by algorithm?

The US President is just like Monsanto's Cannibal Seed Products where he is merely the Picture on the outside of the box (of death and destruction). You could say, like fiat money; ie, just organized ink.

Prediction: Israel and its "neocons" are so desperate for blood, war is now a certainty. We just wait to hear that from the Presidential "auto-mouth".

Ho hum

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:07 | 4519551 The_Prisoner
The_Prisoner's picture

Purin is March 15th. Talmudists demand their blood sacrifice.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:31 | 4519407 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture


damn what a sissy ass mofo (DUMBO)....lets have a fight to the death between the two to solve US involvement.....yeah yeah


ok I take it back.....Dimon to fight Dumbo and the winner gets to face Putin in a fight to the death.......I would pay much to see this....



Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:02 | 4519529 grekko
grekko's picture

Anyone want to become partners with me.  We will buiild a colliseum, buy a few lions, put both shitheads in there and rake in a fortune in profits on just selling seats.  Bookies can earn a fortune by betting on the lions in a Putin/Obama fight.  We can advertise it as a GLBT vs Macho Man event.  The animal activists will love it when the lions win.  It is a perfect free-market win-win business.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:38 | 4519432 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

Obama wears a helmet when he rides a bike.

Putin shoots guns and hangs with snow leopards.

Obama also swallows cock in bathouses.

Putin is a KGB creep, but at least he's a man about it.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 22:26 | 4519807 Canucklehead
Canucklehead's picture

Obama was simply talking to Vlad, his stock broker.

Obama wants the world to know they are in this together...

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 03:22 | 4520149 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

"What do you think spies are? Moral philosophers who measure everything under the will of God or Karl Marx? They are not. They are just a bunch of seedy squalid bastards like me. Little men- queers, drunkards, henpecked husbands, civil servants- playing cowboys to brighten their rotten little lives."

Now maybe you see Vlad as an exception, and who am I to say you're wrong (he's made it to 'dictator for life' after all), but where I am to the guys who are always getting their entourages to take their pictures with their shirts off...well

That said,  my favourite Vlad pic is when he is getting flashed by the protestor and he gives her a big Fonzie two thumbs up "Heeeeyyyyyy".

Or maybe Putin on the Ritz:

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:39 | 4519435 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Zero has his sleeves rolled up. He must be getting down to business.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:55 | 4519497 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Sleeves are definitely in 'work' mode, but I didn't see knee pads.  He ain't getting down to business until the knee pads come out.

Axe Reggie.  He knows.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:35 | 4519660 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

ness.  you wrote 'axe'.  dat's raciss.

seriously - i remember the first time i had a phone call into a .gov agency. 

i asked a question and was told - 'a'll axe him' - ' no, no, please no need to axe him' - 'no i axed him already'.....


Fri, 03/07/2014 - 03:29 | 4520153 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

Once  a Scotsman  tried to shout "Look Luke!"  I told him I'd heard him the first time.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:43 | 4519437 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

I can imagine the following conversation...But I am SPECULATING...


Obama: Why in the hell did you sink that ship??? You trapped my Nuclear Submarine in that fucking port? Give me back MY Nuclear Sub, Vlad.


Putin: No.


Obama: Look. I will not use a Seal Team to shoot unarmed civilians to create a False Flag again. The CIA ordered me to do that. I just won't do that again. Give me back my Nuclear Sub, Vlad. You have my word. I cannot allow this story to get out to our public.


Putin: Your word is worth shit, Barry. No.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:55 | 4519501 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Another possibility is that a US Navy Nuclear Sub sunk that Russian Anti Submarine Warfare Ship as it posed a threat to the discovery of the Sub within the harbor...


Again it is speculation.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 20:56 | 4519507 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Funny but I seriously doubt even the decapitated Navy would be stupid enough to bottle up a sub like that.

Thu, 03/06/2014 - 21:03 | 4519526 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

If a Russian Anti Submarine Warfare Ship was coming into port...and if you were the Captain of a US Navy Attack Nuclear Submarine, and you have the chance of being Depth Charged and/or detected, and your vessel is at a mortal risk, then...




Or would you surface and surrender?


Personally I'd Deep Six it.

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