Stocks Jump And Bonds Dump As Unemployment Rate Rises

Tyler Durden's picture

The knee-jerk reaction to a better-than-expected (and entirely noise-driven) payroll number (with a rise in the unemployment rate) is a rip higher in stocks and collapse in bonds and precious metals. The USD is surging as USDJPY instantly hit 103.50 (breaking through its 50DMA) providing all the juice stocks need to test that critical Goldman 1,900 year-end target for the S&P 500. It seems, just as we warned earlier, "whatever the number, the algos will send stocks higher - that much is given in a blow off top bubble market in which any news is an excuse to buy more."

 

 

Of course there's only one real reason why stocks surged...

 

 

Charts: Bloomberg

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TruthInSunshine's picture

Herbalife - that rock solid institution of the quality American Way of Life & Economic Prosperity TO THE MOON!

6.7% rate of official unmployment isn't so bad even if it is what the equivalent of 18%+ would have been officially reported in 1984.

Hey, speaking of 1984...

So, Janet stays on Taper b/c "better than expected.

Naw, just fukkin around - 6.7% UE is a disastrous rise AND WRRANTS MOAR CTRL+P!!!

I am more equal than others's picture

 

 

 

I haven't felt this manipulated since visiting the Hong Kong Spa and Massage Parlor. 

 

The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

At least you got a happy ending there. Won't be so happy when this motherfucker blows.

fonzannoon's picture

“We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.”

Jack Handy

TruthInSunshine's picture

"Grandpa was always itching to catch some large mouth bass, and now Grandpa mostly sits aound, scratching at his large herpes sores."

MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

I really don't like the way gold is trading. If I was long gold right now, I would be seriously worried. If gold owners are betting on a crisis to drive demand, then America's innevitable economic recovery may be their downfall.

playnstocks's picture

That's the thing about gold, you don't worry about owning it. Bought in at $694.00 = NOT WORRIED!

Bill of Rights's picture

One day down and now all the experts clamor about sheesh.

RealityCheque's picture

Why is it "inevitable"? Really?

Is it the massive debt burden? The continuous need for QE to drive any sort of "growth"? The epic political corruption? The fact that the dollar is being steadily sidelined by a significant and growing number of nations?

Enquiring minds want to know. ;)

Battleaxe's picture

The bad news means that the addict will keep getting stimulus for his syringe. BTFATH!

Alpha Dog Food's picture

Had already decided to sell the lot this afternoon. Gonna buy me a boat and live on it.

 

I am more equal than others's picture

 

 

Hmmmmmm...... happy endings................

Sudden Debt's picture

why not... I guess it will only matter when unemployment is at zero and nobody will have a job anymore...

asteroids's picture

How quickly they forget that wee need something like +275k to just keep even with population growth and to bring back true employment levels to where they were when Obozo took office. Here in Canada the number was bad, actually lost jobs. I suspect the number is far worse though.

forwardho's picture

Suspect... Suspect. OH, HA, HA, HA. Thats just plain good comedy!

RealityCheque's picture

if nobody wants to work because the gubbermint pays for their needs, does that mean that there's no such thing as "unemployment"?

Global Hunter's picture

Shit in the last post I said the good news was a reason to sell and go short.  Tylers right again any excuse to go higher, seems I can't get my head around this (probably a good thing).

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"Mr. Yellen, get to work."
--
Chuckhole Schumer

HardAssets's picture

Global Hunter: "Shit in the last post I said the good news was a reason to sell and go short.  Tylers right again any excuse to go higher, seems I can't get my head around this (probably a good thing)."

Future headlines:

The World is at War !  Russia, China and western nations engage their forces. Nuclear missiles launched !   S&P 500 Makes New Highs !  Gold & Silver Prices Dive Much Lower.

'Analysis':  an abrupt drop in population should greatly diminish the unemployment rate.

Dr. Engali's picture

All I have to say is that the BernankenYellen is making me look like a fucking genius to my clients. It's going to suck when they pull the rug out from under this pig.

NoDebt's picture

Still at 33% cash since August.  I haven't had ONE complaint about the missed upside.  I might be going even heavier on cash (like half).  I feel like I've seen this movie before.

DeadFred's picture

Starting off at all time highs and it's back in the red now, we have the makings of a bearish engulfing candle at the end of a blow off surge upward. On a Friday. Half cash sounds pretty wise. I went all cash a year ago with only minore regrets about missing the ramp job. It can take two days to reconfigure a retirement account and that can be almost 40% down. 

forwardho's picture

Put that down as THE understatement of the epoch.

orangedrinkandchips's picture

Once again....WEEKLY OPTIONS folks.....THAT is where it is at.

 

Very obvious pattern. Very obvious. 

 

Drop early in the week, back up the truck on calls while selling higher ones......

By Friday your shit longs are up a few 100% and the calls you sold are worthless....

 

SO FUCKING OBVIOUS (and.....exchange options expire at the open)....

 

DUH!

LawsofPhysics's picture

Add to that mutual fund inflows, sheep 401k monies being poured in at the end of the month (to be immediately stolen).

Wait What's picture

i just mentioned to a friend who thought about 'getting into the stock market' that he'd be better off buying options than OTC shares. some ~75% of the upside in these markets has been captured by futures traders while joe sixpack is still dreaming of rainbows and unicorns. "might as well spend the regular trading session watching porn, cuz you're not going to get any meaninful upside then." chances are he will ignore my advice.

LawsofPhysics's picture

"Winning".  No wonder that debt limit was lifted in a hurry.  All those unfunded liabilites just became considerably more expensive to fund.

This summer should get interesting.  The war drumbeat continues to grow louder as it becomes increasing clear that we have all robbed.

tick tock motherfuckers.

fonzannoon's picture

Silver has very solid support at 0

Dr. Engali's picture

You forgot to include storage rates. Silver is going negative.

LawsofPhysics's picture

paper silver yes.  If need be I can easily turn my physical stash into several very useful items.

Kaiser Sousa's picture

"Silver has very solid support at 0.."

well, there is always the dollar....

RSloane's picture

A bra made out of toilet paper!

forwardho's picture

c'mon fonz, its friday. Have pity on a poor stacker just trying to hold on to what he earned.

Racer's picture

The plan all along has been to get rid of any shorters and crush those who dare consider any 'funnymentals' so the HFTs have all the control over the 'markets'

SheepDog-One's picture

The real actual overall plan as pointed out yesterday with the Obama MyRa article is to get every last bit of money ito the gubmints hands for total control and eventual robbery, and people apparently are lovin it and don't suspect a thing.

SheepDog-One's picture

All the expert crystal ball gazers were wildly off again....but I'm sure they were all positioned just right and are now celebrating the good news, nevermind UE rate that can be shaved down later.

GS-DickinDaMuppets's picture

To the MOON, Alice !!  This whole bubble can ony grow bigger and the markets can only go UP - WTF, when do the sheep wake up and realize they are being taken to the poor house.  Does anyone else think the bubble is way past the point of breaking? 

DavidC's picture

Insanity. The world is on the verge of a war, we have had a raft of bad or indifferent data over the last week or two, we get rubbish data today and the algos push the market to new all-time highs.

Insanity.

DavidC

Dr. Engali's picture

War smar... the oligarchs are all fucking with your head while they cut back room deals to steal every bit of wealth that us plebes have left. 

SheepDog-One's picture

All those billion in daily POMO have to go somewhere, virtually impossible for anything but gold to drop.

lakecity55's picture

We just had 40 laid off...me included.

It's tough out there. I may have to dig up some fiats.

Divided States of America's picture

Sorry to hear dude...maybe plowing your life savings into the SPYs will turn you into a millionaire by the end of the month and you really dont need to work anymore, stock market only goes up.

fonzannoon's picture

I'm sorry to hear that as well. Good luck to you.

Dr. Engali's picture

That sucks. I hate to hear that. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

RSloane's picture

Sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you fast.

ayanni's picture

Sorry to hear.  What makes bizarro world difficult to live in is that so many of us continue to struggle through what will ultimately be recognized as this greatest depresssion, but then you have days like today when the money printers and their methods appear as though they could manipulate it forever.  Problem is in the real world where people to go work and get a paychek and buy necessities, that world is harder than ever for millions.   

forwardho's picture

lakecity, truly sorry to hear that.

 From the well composed thoughts you post here, it is clear you are above the norm. The old saying 'you can't keep a good man down' comes to mind.