Stocks Jump And Bonds Dump As Unemployment Rate Rises

Tyler Durden's picture


The knee-jerk reaction to a better-than-expected (and entirely noise-driven) payroll number (with a rise in the unemployment rate) is a rip higher in stocks and collapse in bonds and precious metals. The USD is surging as USDJPY instantly hit 103.50 (breaking through its 50DMA) providing all the juice stocks need to test that critical Goldman 1,900 year-end target for the S&P 500. It seems, just as we warned earlier, "whatever the number, the algos will send stocks higher - that much is given in a blow off top bubble market in which any news is an excuse to buy more."



Of course there's only one real reason why stocks surged...



Charts: Bloomberg

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Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:00 | 4520800 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Herbalife - that rock solid institution of the quality American Way of Life & Economic Prosperity TO THE MOON!

6.7% rate of official unmployment isn't so bad even if it is what the equivalent of 18%+ would have been officially reported in 1984.

Hey, speaking of 1984...

So, Janet stays on Taper b/c "better than expected.

Naw, just fukkin around - 6.7% UE is a disastrous rise AND WRRANTS MOAR CTRL+P!!!

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:01 | 4520839 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture




I haven't felt this manipulated since visiting the Hong Kong Spa and Massage Parlor. 


Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:04 | 4520857 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

At least you got a happy ending there. Won't be so happy when this motherfucker blows.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:08 | 4520875 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

“We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.”

Jack Handy

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:14 | 4520901 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

"Grandpa was always itching to catch some large mouth bass, and now Grandpa mostly sits aound, scratching at his large herpes sores."

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:15 | 4520911 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

I really don't like the way gold is trading. If I was long gold right now, I would be seriously worried. If gold owners are betting on a crisis to drive demand, then America's innevitable economic recovery may be their downfall.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:25 | 4520940 playnstocks
playnstocks's picture

That's the thing about gold, you don't worry about owning it. Bought in at $694.00 = NOT WORRIED!

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:39 | 4520996 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

One day down and now all the experts clamor about sheesh.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:55 | 4521045 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

Why is it "inevitable"? Really?

Is it the massive debt burden? The continuous need for QE to drive any sort of "growth"? The epic political corruption? The fact that the dollar is being steadily sidelined by a significant and growing number of nations?

Enquiring minds want to know. ;)

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 12:18 | 4521423 Balvan
Balvan's picture

Gold is dead

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 11:52 | 4520879 Battleaxe
Battleaxe's picture

The bad news means that the addict will keep getting stimulus for his syringe. BTFATH!

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:09 | 4520882 Alpha Dog Food
Alpha Dog Food's picture

Had already decided to sell the lot this afternoon. Gonna buy me a boat and live on it.


Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:20 | 4520905 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture


Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:08 | 4520874 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture



Hmmmmmm...... happy endings................

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:53 | 4520802 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

why not... I guess it will only matter when unemployment is at zero and nobody will have a job anymore...

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:14 | 4520902 asteroids
asteroids's picture

How quickly they forget that wee need something like +275k to just keep even with population growth and to bring back true employment levels to where they were when Obozo took office. Here in Canada the number was bad, actually lost jobs. I suspect the number is far worse though.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 11:12 | 4521141 forwardho
forwardho's picture

Suspect... Suspect. OH, HA, HA, HA. Thats just plain good comedy!

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:56 | 4521054 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

if nobody wants to work because the gubbermint pays for their needs, does that mean that there's no such thing as "unemployment"?

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:55 | 4520807 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

Shit in the last post I said the good news was a reason to sell and go short.  Tylers right again any excuse to go higher, seems I can't get my head around this (probably a good thing).

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:57 | 4520819 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"Mr. Yellen, get to work."
Chuckhole Schumer

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:53 | 4521013 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Global Hunter: "Shit in the last post I said the good news was a reason to sell and go short.  Tylers right again any excuse to go higher, seems I can't get my head around this (probably a good thing)."

Future headlines:

The World is at War !  Russia, China and western nations engage their forces. Nuclear missiles launched !   S&P 500 Makes New Highs !  Gold & Silver Prices Dive Much Lower.

'Analysis':  an abrupt drop in population should greatly diminish the unemployment rate.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:55 | 4520808 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

All I have to say is that the BernankenYellen is making me look like a fucking genius to my clients. It's going to suck when they pull the rug out from under this pig.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:01 | 4520844 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Still at 33% cash since August.  I haven't had ONE complaint about the missed upside.  I might be going even heavier on cash (like half).  I feel like I've seen this movie before.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:59 | 4521073 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Starting off at all time highs and it's back in the red now, we have the makings of a bearish engulfing candle at the end of a blow off surge upward. On a Friday. Half cash sounds pretty wise. I went all cash a year ago with only minore regrets about missing the ramp job. It can take two days to reconfigure a retirement account and that can be almost 40% down. 

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 11:09 | 4521126 forwardho
forwardho's picture

Put that down as THE understatement of the epoch.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:56 | 4520809 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

Once again....WEEKLY OPTIONS folks.....THAT is where it is at.


Very obvious pattern. Very obvious. 


Drop early in the week, back up the truck on calls while selling higher ones......

By Friday your shit longs are up a few 100% and the calls you sold are worthless....


SO FUCKING OBVIOUS ( options expire at the open)....



Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:58 | 4520818 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Add to that mutual fund inflows, sheep 401k monies being poured in at the end of the month (to be immediately stolen).

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:25 | 4520944 Wait What
Wait What's picture

i just mentioned to a friend who thought about 'getting into the stock market' that he'd be better off buying options than OTC shares. some ~75% of the upside in these markets has been captured by futures traders while joe sixpack is still dreaming of rainbows and unicorns. "might as well spend the regular trading session watching porn, cuz you're not going to get any meaninful upside then." chances are he will ignore my advice.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:58 | 4521063 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

Copper futures calls, too?

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:57 | 4520810 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Winning".  No wonder that debt limit was lifted in a hurry.  All those unfunded liabilites just became considerably more expensive to fund.

This summer should get interesting.  The war drumbeat continues to grow louder as it becomes increasing clear that we have all robbed.

tick tock motherfuckers.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:55 | 4520811 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Silver has very solid support at 0

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:57 | 4520826 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

You forgot to include storage rates. Silver is going negative.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:59 | 4520832 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

paper silver yes.  If need be I can easily turn my physical stash into several very useful items.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:09 | 4520884 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

"Silver has very solid support at 0.."

well, there is always the dollar....

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:23 | 4520943 RSloane
RSloane's picture

A bra made out of toilet paper!

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 11:06 | 4521106 forwardho
forwardho's picture

c'mon fonz, its friday. Have pity on a poor stacker just trying to hold on to what he earned.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:55 | 4520812 Racer
Racer's picture

The plan all along has been to get rid of any shorters and crush those who dare consider any 'funnymentals' so the HFTs have all the control over the 'markets'

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:01 | 4520840 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

The real actual overall plan as pointed out yesterday with the Obama MyRa article is to get every last bit of money ito the gubmints hands for total control and eventual robbery, and people apparently are lovin it and don't suspect a thing.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:57 | 4520821 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

All the expert crystal ball gazers were wildly off again....but I'm sure they were all positioned just right and are now celebrating the good news, nevermind UE rate that can be shaved down later.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:03 | 4520822 GS-DickinDaMuppets
GS-DickinDaMuppets's picture

To the MOON, Alice !!  This whole bubble can ony grow bigger and the markets can only go UP - WTF, when do the sheep wake up and realize they are being taken to the poor house.  Does anyone else think the bubble is way past the point of breaking? 

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 09:58 | 4520827 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Insanity. The world is on the verge of a war, we have had a raft of bad or indifferent data over the last week or two, we get rubbish data today and the algos push the market to new all-time highs.



Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:03 | 4520852 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

War smar... the oligarchs are all fucking with your head while they cut back room deals to steal every bit of wealth that us plebes have left. 

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:03 | 4520853 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

All those billion in daily POMO have to go somewhere, virtually impossible for anything but gold to drop.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:00 | 4520835 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

We just had 40 laid included.

It's tough out there. I may have to dig up some fiats.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:03 | 4520851 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Sorry to hear dude...maybe plowing your life savings into the SPYs will turn you into a millionaire by the end of the month and you really dont need to work anymore, stock market only goes up.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:05 | 4520864 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I'm sorry to hear that as well. Good luck to you.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:07 | 4520873 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

That sucks. I hate to hear that. I hope everything turns out okay for you.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:25 | 4520953 RSloane
RSloane's picture

Sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you fast.

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 10:40 | 4520998 ayanni
ayanni's picture

Sorry to hear.  What makes bizarro world difficult to live in is that so many of us continue to struggle through what will ultimately be recognized as this greatest depresssion, but then you have days like today when the money printers and their methods appear as though they could manipulate it forever.  Problem is in the real world where people to go work and get a paychek and buy necessities, that world is harder than ever for millions.   

Fri, 03/07/2014 - 11:01 | 4521082 forwardho
forwardho's picture

lakecity, truly sorry to hear that.

 From the well composed thoughts you post here, it is clear you are above the norm. The old saying 'you can't keep a good man down' comes to mind.

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