A one world currency was announced and no one noticed.
This Wouldn't Be the First Time ...
1-800-TaylorMade or 1-900-Vladimir? You decide...
"Yes, if you have salvaged any of those balls in the water hazard, I want them back"
Obviously, it should go to the chick who quit her job as newsreader live on-air! What was her name?
I said pepperoni and mushrooms, NOT anchovies!
anchovies are 'KOSHER'... right?... I don't want to piss off my bosses before I tee it up on the BACK 9...
Yeah, Vlad, I'm pretending to drive a car right now. I play a lot of Mario Kart 3. Secret Service won't let me drive myself around any more. You know how it goes.
"Hey, Vlad, forget about this Ukraine stuff, I am more interested in how you can get three presidential terms when the law only allows two..."
I have a phone and a pen!
He looks fresh off the golf course. I wonder if he is wearing his spikes in his office.
Vlad: BeeRRack, just mind your own beeZZeeness, hang a few hundRReid bankers, and youRR countRRee veeell be just fine. A-GAY-N! ;-)
they let me drive the golf cart today and i held my hands like this....
"Cut to the chase Vlad.. tee time in 30 minutes and Marine One is waiting."
"Oh Gloroius One, please spare me, I am but a weak puppet... I am invalid. I praise onto thee that maybe I will be spared and allowed to live a life of parasitic sin, leaching off those less fraudulent than I. Oh, Glorious One, I beg of thee."
Who took this photo?
"Enough already, Vlad bro, I got to get out swinging."
Vlad, I am having a 4 hour erection after taking Viagra. Should I call my doctor? We all know you are the only man running a superpower these days.
"Let me be clear! I did not have sex with that woman Monica Lewinski!"
Naw, BO is boning Helle Thoring Schmidt.
"Hello, dis Peggy. How are we helping?" "I need a larger credit line to start a war with Russia..." Click.
Putin: "two....maybe three"
Obama: "haven't we been here before?"...
Putin: "Nyet, that was Ulbricht and Khrushchev"
Obama: "No-no, I mean that solution doesn't work"
Putin: "Tell that to your Israeli friends"
Now Valerie. Let me get this straight. You want me to say, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes."? But didn't Reagan already use that line?
Valerie Jarrett replies, "Just shut up, and say it tonight. The stupid people won't remember who said it first. Your base will think you have balls and you'll be a hit with the neo-cons."
"Yes Uncle Wormwood, I understand..."
"Can I get a bucket of fried chicken, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes and gravy delivered to 1600 Pennsylvania?"
In our country, Vladimir, mashed potatoes are racist. With or without the wings. BTW, want some genetically modified pot before Gen. Alexander starts making those "beep-beep-beep" sounds with his ass? ;-)
I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
You know, Vlad, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running, and I'm no slouch myself.
OK, OK arrest me than.
"Are you recording this call? I'm not recording this call."
easeplay! easeplay! easeplay! utpay ityay inyay ymay outhmay!
Where's the nearest consulate to ... ?
Putin....Can I please drink my Whitehouse Starbucks yet... its a mochachino....C'mon man.... I surrender..
Reggie, no, no, no! You hold tight and jiggle with your left hand. I hold tight and jiggle with my right!
"The Cold War? Well, that's not really my thing. Call Gore if you want to talk about climate change."
Lois Lerner ;-)
Here's what you do - get a big knife, some sulfuric acid, and a shitload of lyme...
Lye, and it comes in 25 lb. bags.
Very handy for those clean up jobs.
You know Vlad....that Wookie of mine has my balls in a vice ever since Mandela's funeral when she caught me flirting with that hot blonde. I mean....just like this. Oh...right....you can't see.
What ? Fuck you ! I'm NOT an idiot !
Obama's phone comes with a built-in teleprompter.
Good lord, you're right... he's reading the little telepromter screen. That's great.
For one posed picture it's all denim (what a hot look) now he's super cash'l dude in chinos and a golf shirt? Get this fucker a track suit already.
I am not a puppet Vlad Not! Not! Not! I am not even looking at my teleprompter
Vlad...I hear you finally broke 90 on the golf course...I usually break wind.....
Greetings, this is the Presidentof the United States
Gotta love the Dead Kennedys. With Maggie moaning in the background.
thanks for noticing. "OOOoooOOOh, that was marvelous" :) Bleed for meeeee
good old Alfred Nobel is rolling in his grave!
No he's fucking not... He [NOBEL] invented DYN-O-MITE!... This fucking [Chicago~Harvard dropout~Occidental droupout~Hawaiian~Indonesian~Manchurian candidate~KENYAN] fuck is his WET DREAM...
I think the Nobel prize was his way of atonement.
Oppenheimer's quote regarding the first A bomb fits the mind set of someone who invented something they then realise the consequences of.
Richard Feynman pretty much said as much.
"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." J. Robert Oppenheimer?
Oh yeah... POOR dumb fuck jew Oppenheimer...
<~~~ [obligatory AIPAC 'junk' here... How many of you are on staff 2nite anyway]?
"I made myself a cheesepopebuck FORTUNE ~ then fucked up THE WORLD"... Well it wasn't really ME [who fucked up the world]... I just chased the PAPER PONZI during my time on the stage... I cashed out on top ~ hope you other fucks are as lucky as my TOUCAN SAM beak was...
My heart aches... Let's make a Hollywood movie out of his heroism... then ~ have an annual ceremony to WORSHIP our achievements [even though ~ back in the DARK AGES ~ all, long lost 'knowledge' of mathematics, algebra, & medicine, was STOLEN from the persians & arabs ~ while WE had spent our last 1,500 years fucking goats & worshipping golden calves ~ which, apparently, is our 'CHOSEN' destiny ~ when we're not busy EDITORIALIZING otherwise so that future generations of 15yo teenage daughters can... OMG... withhold PUSSY from their future husbands in the name of PEACE]...
I'd rarely reccommend this to anyone, but in your case I'll make an exception.
PLEASE GET ON SOME KIND OF MEDICATION
Where is Hybrasil?
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