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Friday (Un)Humor: Navy Warship 'Accidentally' Fires Torpedo At Nuclear Dockyard

Tyler Durden's picture


"Had the thing been armed it would have let out a 200-metre blast...You could be talking about a major loss of life," one source noted as The Telegraph reports British military chiefs have launched a major investigation after a Royal Navy warship accidentally fired a torpedo at a nuclear dockyard. Workers watched in disbelief as the tube-shaped projectile flew through the air before blasting a hole in a security fence and slamming into a storage container. "Someone has obviously pushed the button, presumably by accident - the big question is who," as the Royal Navy stiff-upper-lippedly stated "during a training exercise, an inert Test Variant Torpedo unexpectedly jettisoned onto the wharf. There was no explosion and no casualties." Perhaps they should stay away from the Black Sea for a while - just in case.


Via The Telegraph,

HMS Argyll was moored at Devonport Naval base in Plymouth when the 9ft missile suddenly shot out of its starboard side during a training drill.


Workers watched in disbelief as the tube-shaped projectile flew through the air before blasting a hole in a security fence and slamming into a storage container.


The torpedo was an unarmed version used for testing drills so it merely thudded into the metal container and did not explode.


Nobody was hurt but shocked Navy bosses ordered an urgent investigation into the incident that took place inside a high security area where Britain's nuclear submarines are refuelled and repaired.



The comments from onlookers are stunning and perhaps somewhat comical:

"The torpedo came shooting out of the side of Argyll and flew through the air before going straight through a security fence.


"It's carried on going before hitting a storage container. If anyone was inside it they would have a had a nasty shock - the whole side of the container was stoved in.


"Had the thing been armed it would have let out a 200-metre blast. You could be talking about a major loss of life.


"The Navy guys and the civilian dock workers are understandably appalled by what has happened.


"Someone has obviously pushed the button, presumably by accident - the big question is who."

The Navy stated:

"We can confirm an incident occurred onboard HMS Argyll on Wednesday 12th. The ship was alongside at Devonport Naval Base in Plymouth.


"During a training exercise, an inert Test Variant Torpedo unexpectedly jettisoned onto the wharf. There was no explosion and no casualties.


"An investigation is now under way to determine the cause of the incident. The torpedo is not an explosive hazard.


"The specific details of the incident are subject to further investigation and it would be inappropriate to comment further.

Adding that...

torpedo system test firing alongside in the naval base has been suspended subject to completion of the investigation

Let's just delay any torpedo-testing until this whole Russia-Ukraine thing blows over, eh?

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Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:33 | 4549857 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

MmmK.  I am sure they will let us know what happened, so we can feel better over the weekend.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:35 | 4549873 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

The button was mislabeled "RESET."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:37 | 4549880 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Didn't I see this on an episode of McHale's Navy?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:38 | 4549887 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

They should team up with these guys:


Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:48 | 4549917 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Blame it on the Iranians. It is the di rigueur default mechanism for anything that goes wrong.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:57 | 4549937 Sofa King Confused
Sofa King Confused's picture

200 Years ago they were the most feared Navy on the planet.   Now they shoot at themselves.  Sad.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:58 | 4549943 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

What does this button do? --> PUSH!


Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:03 | 4549953 Overfed
Overfed's picture


Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:04 | 4549959 ACP
ACP's picture

"Hey sailor, was that a 9 foot torpedo, or are you just happy to see me?"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:09 | 4549977 MeMadMax
MeMadMax's picture

Silly brits.

Let mommy and daddy play war ok?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:15 | 4549997 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

wasn't darwin british?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:21 | 4550025 Abi Normal
Abi Normal's picture

hoy, get off the dog and bone, and go down the frog and toad to the rub a dub and have a pigs ear?


that about sums it up right there...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:28 | 4550045 Manthong
Manthong's picture

You know how it is when you are just sitting there quietly at anchor on a nice day then suddenly you accidentally launch a 9 foot long, 600 pound torpedo at your own base?

I hate when that happens.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 19:33 | 4550256 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

If you are going to have an accidental discharge, go big!

"I thought it was the "EASY" button."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 20:28 | 4550435 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Looks like someone stole Austin Powers' mojo.  "I swear this never happens, baby!"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 21:03 | 4550554 Mister Kitty
Mister Kitty's picture

Ooooppppps.  Bitches.

Sat, 03/15/2014 - 01:29 | 4551267 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

-1 for retarded blog post linked. Yes, I read it, and yes it was retarded. Had it not been retarded and even remotely related to your comment or the article content I was willing to give a +1.

Sat, 03/15/2014 - 10:26 | 4551664 PT
PT's picture

Never mind.  When I get my "Watching Paint Dry" blog up and running, no-one will ever accidentally click on his link again.  My site will be waaaaayyyy too popular.  Then I plan on turning it into a reality TV show with its own Facebook page and Twitter account, and don't forget the T-shirts and bumper stickers!  - I <heart> Watching Paint Dry!  Riveting stuff!  (Without the rivets, just tacky paint ... )

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:29 | 4550051 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Don't forget your new Whistle

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:47 | 4550105 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

False Flag event gone awry? Lesser fuses have been lit.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 21:38 | 4550659 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Simple mistake - the part time hire from the staffing agency (gotta save money, you know) thought the button said "Lunch" but it was actually "Launch."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:11 | 4549981 balanced
balanced's picture

Hah, that video never gets old. I love the way the dude yells upon realizing what's just happened.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:08 | 4549975 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

McFail's navy

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:47 | 4550103 superflex
superflex's picture

Let's just delay any torpedo-testing until this whole Russia-Ukraine thing blows over, eh?

No worries.  Mossad, CIA and MI6 have assests in the area.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 19:24 | 4550217 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Kelsey Grammer and Down Periscope?

Sat, 03/15/2014 - 03:44 | 4551357 Element
Element's picture

"Didn't I see this on an episode of McHale's Navy?"

Yup, they sank the Yamamoto.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:56 | 4549932 Hmmmmm
Hmmmmm's picture

Should have posted a sign over it.


"Caution!!! Do not press this button"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 22:03 | 4550639 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

False flag gone wrong.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:33 | 4549858 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

damn the torpedos

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:33 | 4549861 news printer
news printer's picture

At least Russians won't sink them

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 19:32 | 4550250 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

Russian hackers are probably laughing their asses off after this stunt...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:34 | 4549862 666
666's picture

I hope Putin doesn't pee himself by laughing too hard.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:15 | 4549952 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

I'm convinced. There are radiation-proof, reptilian shape-shifters in most positions of power.

CPL posted a link about an overnight nuclear no-no in Canada, earlier today.

What a shit show.

Edit: Today, I took the bike out for the 1st time this year.

Got stuck at a CP freight train. 

Every other car was marked "Government Of Canada" in English and French.



Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:31 | 4550057 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Only got the bike out today???

You missed out on all the 'interesting' winter riding!

I'm in Canada too, by the way.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:54 | 4550134 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Not in Canada.

Polar Vortex flyover country.

Black ice and road salt...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 20:31 | 4550444 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Yeah, he was probably still laughing from Banzai7's work earlier today.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:35 | 4549868 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

Famous last words.

"If they fire one, we'll fire one"

"FIRE ONE!" (J.McArthur, The Bedford Incident)

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:04 | 4549957 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

Great movie...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:36 | 4549875 AynRandFan
AynRandFan's picture

Considering the Brits' state of unreadiness, it might be their only torpedo.  Kinda like Barney Fife's bullet.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:37 | 4549877 AynRandFan
AynRandFan's picture

double post

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:36 | 4549879 docmac324
docmac324's picture

Standby to standby.


Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:03 | 4549955 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

... for a possible maybe.  

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:38 | 4549884 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   Dummies firing dummies...or duds firing duds.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 19:27 | 4550234 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Yen: I think it's nothing more than premature ejaculation while shooting blanks.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:38 | 4549885 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Was John Kerry on board.......??

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:43 | 4549900 LMAOLORI
LMAOLORI's picture



Mc Shame might have been he has a real penchant for screw ups. Fortunately for these guys they didn't kill anyone like he did on his own ship.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 17:56 | 4549934 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Don't forget John McCain's old man the Admiral who sold out the USS Liberty along with Lyndon Baines Johnson-berg.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:05 | 4549962 bonin006
bonin006's picture

I thought that incident was someone else "accidently" firing a missle at McCain.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 18:04 | 4549958 unrulian
unrulian's picture

He's been firing a lot of blanks lately

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