"Krimea Kerry" Caption Contest

Tyler Durden's picture

A US Secretary of State walks into a meeting with a Russian Foreign Minister. The Russian asks: "why the long face?"... As for what happens in Ukraine this weekend, the pictures below say it all.

h/t @Shiegel, photo credit AFP, AP

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Divided States of America's picture

Ran out of Botox before the meeting

pods's picture

They both look like they could use a bit more fiber.


Stackers's picture

Pardon me, but do you have some Grey Poupon ?

smlbizman's picture

kerry....i can count to 4 with my feet...

lavrov....did you run in the kentucky derby in '56?

kaiserhoff's picture


"Why didn't this shit go down on the Bitch's watch?"

Joe Davola's picture

Lavrov:  Hurry up and smear some peanut butter on his lips so he will talk.

Looney's picture

Instead of Botox, Kerry’s doctor gave him a shot of tranquilizer in the head. ;-)


krispkritter's picture

You mean his Veterinarian...

Dick Gazinia's picture

Looks like a bad case of Colic

Dick Gazinia's picture

That light blue tie really brings out the "crazy" in your eyes!!!

Dick Gazinia's picture

I will just keep my hands here to hide the boner I got at the thought of starting WWIII.

mjcOH1's picture

"When he said he'd unscrew my head and shit down my neck, I didn't think he'd actually do it..."

HoofHearted's picture

I think these guys look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...

HoofHearted's picture

...and give it to him right in the ass.

svayambhu108's picture

You ment: I think *this couple* look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...

Looney's picture

Kerry: I should’ve stayed in the Senate.

Lavrov: No, you should’ve stayed in Vietnam, motherfucker. ;-)


Headbanger's picture

Kerry thinking "We're really fucked this time"  

Lavrov thinking: "We're really going to kick their ass this time"

fonzannoon's picture

This is why I won't do two shows a night anymore. I just won't do it.

MakeMineADouble's picture

Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell.

ugmug's picture

I farted on your damn flag you French talking swine american.......

Winston Churchill's picture

Carrots are good for that,neigh.

Theta_Burn's picture

Sergei looks like he wants to kick Kerry's ass...

What a fucking putz..

svayambhu108's picture

- Lavrov: (... thinking to himself) What's that smell, did he fart, ... ?

- Kerry: (... thinking to himself)  Avoid eye contact 

Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Jump forward to one week prior to mid term elections. An ass sucking reporter is interviewing Kerry trying to improve the sinking administration approval numbers. Russia has marched through Ukraine, Slovakia, Northern Italy, France, Spain and Putin is vacationing on the newly occupied coast of Portugal.

REPORTER: Mr. Secretary of State you gave Mr. Putin an ultimadum to alter his course of action prior to Monday, March 17 before his military moved full force into Ukraine. Looking back, do you think that was an effective approach?

KERRY: I'll take exception to your question. The US and our allies never specified which Monday was determined as deadline for Mr. Putin to alter his course. In fact he could decide by next Monday to fully retreat to his original borders and our diplomacy would prove to be effective.

The reporter breaks away to converse with Chris Mathews, "Chris this is just another shining example of how this young, brilliant, scratch golfer and his sterling administration has shined on the World stage and provided needed global leadership."

MATHEWS: I just popped a boner.

stant's picture

you dont visit russia, russia visits you

Hayabusa's picture

Russian:  "You'd be wise to remember, in the USSR we still eat horsemeat horseface"

rtalcott's picture

But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say!


jcaz's picture


old naughty's picture

But we have to post for the "cold war" look.

1stepcloser's picture

Grandpa is soooo going to kick your ass....buhhhahhahaha buhahahahhah

LongBalls's picture

"Your penis really is much larger" "I hope to hold it again someday soon"!

holmes's picture

Wanna go parasailing later?

motorollin's picture

Will America defeat Russia with its sanctions and rhetoric?


astoriajoe's picture

I should have wore the red tie.

Svendblaaskaeg's picture

Kerry:"I wish I hadn't shat my pants"

Mi Naem's picture

Kerry afterthought: "Hmm, that doesn't smell like mine - maybe he did, too.  I think I'll just casually glance over that way and sniff.  " 

orangedrinkandchips's picture

Kerry: You know the two biggest Russian lies??


"i wont cum in your mail"

"the check is in my mouth"



Henry Rearden's picture

The adams family started, when uncle kerry farted, everyone's retarded. The adam's family. Dunna na na.

Martial's picture






Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Kerry reminds me of Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove

Now Sergey Don't say that... Don't say that Sergey... I can be every bit as apologetic as you...


blackhand's picture

Peace in our time.

ziggy59's picture

Kerry: But Wilbur, why cant I have a color TV?

ShrNfr's picture

"When people look at a strong horse and a weak horse face, they choose the strong horse."

tony wilson's picture


How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothin' left here to remind me
Just the memory of your long face