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"Krimea Kerry" Caption Contest
A US Secretary of State walks into a meeting with a Russian Foreign Minister. The Russian asks: "why the long face?"... As for what happens in Ukraine this weekend, the pictures below say it all.
h/t @Shiegel, photo credit AFP, AP
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Ran out of Botox before the meeting
They both look like they could use a bit more fiber.
pods
Pardon me, but do you have some Grey Poupon ?
They used to pray like that in first grade, he never got over it.
kerry....i can count to 4 with my feet...
lavrov....did you run in the kentucky derby in '56?
"Why didn't this shit go down on the Bitch's watch?"
Lavrov: Hurry up and smear some peanut butter on his lips so he will talk.
Instead of Botox, Kerry’s doctor gave him a shot of tranquilizer in the head. ;-)
Looney
You mean his Veterinarian...
"Um, I can't say fxxk EU."
Looks like a bad case of Colic
That light blue tie really brings out the "crazy" in your eyes!!!
I will just keep my hands here to hide the boner I got at the thought of starting WWIII.
"When he said he'd unscrew my head and shit down my neck, I didn't think he'd actually do it..."
"Let's appear sad!"
I think these guys look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...
...and give it to him right in the ass.
You ment: I think *this couple* look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...
Kerry: I should’ve stayed in the Senate.
Lavrov: No, you should’ve stayed in Vietnam, motherfucker. ;-)
Looney
Crimea river
Kerry thinking "We're really fucked this time"
Lavrov thinking: "We're really going to kick their ass this time"
This is why I won't do two shows a night anymore. I just won't do it.
Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell.
I farted on your damn flag you French talking swine american.......
Carrots are good for that,neigh.
Sergei looks like he wants to kick Kerry's ass...
What a fucking putz..
Colon Canon Scared!
- Lavrov: (... thinking to himself) What's that smell, did he fart, ... ?
- Kerry: (... thinking to himself) Avoid eye contact
Jump forward to one week prior to mid term elections. An ass sucking reporter is interviewing Kerry trying to improve the sinking administration approval numbers. Russia has marched through Ukraine, Slovakia, Northern Italy, France, Spain and Putin is vacationing on the newly occupied coast of Portugal.
REPORTER: Mr. Secretary of State you gave Mr. Putin an ultimadum to alter his course of action prior to Monday, March 17 before his military moved full force into Ukraine. Looking back, do you think that was an effective approach?
KERRY: I'll take exception to your question. The US and our allies never specified which Monday was determined as deadline for Mr. Putin to alter his course. In fact he could decide by next Monday to fully retreat to his original borders and our diplomacy would prove to be effective.
The reporter breaks away to converse with Chris Mathews, "Chris this is just another shining example of how this young, brilliant, scratch golfer and his sterling administration has shined on the World stage and provided needed global leadership."
MATHEWS: I just popped a boner.
you dont visit russia, russia visits you
Russian: "You'd be wise to remember, in the USSR we still eat horsemeat horseface"
But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GAbc5uQXJo
Fucktard.....
Friends forever
But we have to post for the "cold war" look.
Grandpa is soooo going to kick your ass....buhhhahhahaha buhahahahhah
"Your penis really is much larger" "I hope to hold it again someday soon"!
Wanna go parasailing later?
Will America defeat Russia with its sanctions and rhetoric?
Nyet.
I should have wore the red tie.
Kerry:"I wish I hadn't shat my pants"
Kerry afterthought: "Hmm, that doesn't smell like mine - maybe he did, too. I think I'll just casually glance over that way and sniff. "
Kerry: You know the two biggest Russian lies??
"i wont cum in your mail"
"the check is in my mouth"
The adams family started, when uncle kerry farted, everyone's retarded. The adam's family. Dunna na na.
*KERRY: GET READY FOR SANCTIONS MONDAY
*RUSSIAN: WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP.
*KERRY: SORRY I'M A LITTLE HOARSE.
*RUSSIAN: I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.
Kerry reminds me of Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove
Now Sergey Don't say that... Don't say that Sergey... I can be every bit as apologetic as you...
Bitch!
Peace in our time.
Kerry: But Wilbur, why cant I have a color TV?
"When people look at a strong horse and a weak horse face, they choose the strong horse."
How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all
So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothin' left here to remind me
Just the memory of your long face
Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace.
I dream at night, I can only see your long face.
I look around but it's you I can't replace.
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace.
I keep crying baby, baby please...
Kerry: "Uh he-he - hey - uh - Bevis - he-he - uh, like - where'd ya go? - uh - uh - what do I do now? - he-he - umph umph...."
Grumpy old men. Part Crimea.
Geez, feeling like a muppet is a real bummer!
I'm just a bit tired of WINNING guys.
Kerry: Soon... this will all be mine...
Kerry thought bubble: "what was I thinking? I should have never taken on this role, way out of my depth".
What if Pelosi shows you her teets, would that help?
alternate version:
What if Pelosi shows you her cock, would that help?
Because they both know that the death toll will be huge for both sides.
That looks like a date that did not end well.
no Happy Ending
Kerry is a stupid fucking drunk. Barry and his band of 10th rank fucking morons - fucked the economy and then created a side show to distract the bloody fucking mess they have created.
FUCK YOU JOHN KERRY - you useless tit!!!!
" I'm so depressed I couldn't get it up with a hydraulic jack".
Your economy was fukt long time before O'bama got thro' the door.
You told me you loved Tymoshenko
Why did you send in the jackals, all alone?
Now you tell me you need me
When you call for sanctions, on the phone
Horse I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other czar,
Your false flag was burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me ria
Crimeriaa
Crmieriaa
yea .. yea.. yea..
Kerry should be turned into glue....way past his time..the Catsup is not working
Kerry would make horrible glue. He can't get ANYTHING to stick.
Syria anyone?
He lost an election against the worst president ever because he has absolutely zero charisma. Now he's secretary of state. Yeah, that makes sense. Idiots. I wonder how he's negotiating this. "I understand but don't understand why Russia is or is not in Crimea or not Crimea."
But he bought himself a new face!
Kerry ran aganst Bush, not Obama, you silly goose.
Kerry: Gentlemen, I want you all to know that the minister was very hard, but also very straight.
From Ali G
Kerry always looks like that when he's happy.
'Skeletor? The U.S. sent us the WORST superhero ever? We want FREE MONEY!'
Gotta keep telling myself, "I'm doing God's work! I'm doing God's work!".
Blankfein says it will help me sleep at night...
Picture (if you will) two wall-flowers.
Kerry: "If it wasn't for those Skull N Bones sex tapes they have on me, I could be basking in the sun in Bermuda, not taking orders from some neo-con mad woman."
Last 2 left in last evenings night court line-up.
Dingleberry?!
Kerry double: "I am not really John Kerry"
Minister: "We Know"
Kerry Double: "And this is not really my hair, but it is necessary to project the illusion. It keeps people from looking too closely."
Minister: "We know"
Kerry Double: "And all that talk about plastic surgery was just a ruse"
Minister: "We Know"
Kerry Double: "I have no idea where the real Kerry is"
Minister: "We know!"
My name is Kerry, John Kerry. Why did he call me Ben Dover?
Just a thought: could be zionsts (Russia)versus illuminati(US, Europe) for the world. Crimea = Poland/Chechoslovakia. Collaboration only went so far. Luciferians win either way. One group to rule us all and in the darkness, bind us.
At the top everyone works together. The polarization is an illusion created by those in power to keep the people in slavery... and yet productively occupied serving the master(s).
You can tell them by their actions not their words. If they talk of peace, but create war; if they talk of human rights, but enslave and murder ... then you have found them.
What is the ultimate goal? You might as well ask: "Where are we? Who are we? Why are we here?" It would not be the first time the questions were asked.
Might want to brush up on your talmud and that whole gentile mule thingy. The people at the top may not be "people" at all.
He is Mister Ed.
Looks like a Bevis and Butthead precious moment.
He is the back end of Mr. Ed.
"I rode here in a car....leaving on a horse [face]."
"I watch your very funny black & white show before bed I go!"
"I remember time you had Frenchie hat and wanted to paint!"
Lavrov, thinking to himself: "Dammit, why did Vlad send me the link to that William Banzai picture of Kerry as Herman Munster? I'm trying to keep a straight face here."
Kerry, thinking to himself: "Oats..."
Kerry: "Now, what were my wife's instructions again?....oh yeah, appear presidential"
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
-Marx
"Hey Kerry you know Ukraine is fucked right?"
Kerry - "Have you ever heard of Heinz ketchup, cause I have deal for you."
"Hey Kerry you know Ukraine is fucked right?"
Kerry - "Have you ever heard of Heinz ketchup, cause I have deal for you."
"You were such a big supporter in Nicaragua before Violeta won. Why aren't you behind us now?"
- Lavrov: This guy is a lying f****** a******.
- Kerry: Sigh, I wish I could be on my boat right now.
One of these faces is not like the other, one is confident and strong, the other looks submissive and weak.
You decide.
I told you Assad loved my Ketchup..and you will to
Kerry: "You said you were using protection..."
Lavrov: "Nyet!"
I can't believe Russia is the largest importer of ketchup.
If I were the president, we would not be in this fix.
K: "Want to get a beer after this?"
L: "Sure"
Kerry: "I've decided to come out."
Lavrov: "Don't look at me gay boy."
Frankenstein on crack!
Kerry's look out the window is saying "Bye-bye Crimea"
Man, the older Kerry gets, the more he looks like Hermann Munster...
Kerry: Are we sharing a little boy tonight?
Lavrov: Yes but you get sloppy seconds!
Kerry's history lesson fails to convince Lavrov:
" Texas analogy doesn't apply to Crimea.
US just doesn't recognize any voting to be annexed."
that's a shit-eating frown.
If he is supposed to be a skilled negotiator as required by his position, the dumb fuck knows nothing of projecting the type of body language absolutely necessary for his position. I would not want this fucktard on my high school debating team...
A thought balloon above Lavrov's head would read: "Fuck these lying American vermin. We won't EVER believe their horse shit again!!"
The thought ballon above Kerry's head would read: "Hmmmmm, i wonder If there is enough room on my State Dept. credit card to fuel up my yacht for this weekend?"
Kerry: "That poor cat... I sure hope it landed on its feet."
Lavrov: "I hate cats."
Did you fart?
They shoot horses -- don't they.
Kerry lets go a terrific SBDer. Lavrov gets a whiff, gives Kerry a dirty look.
All body-language explained!
Says War Minister Kerry: "In Syria we held back for humanitarian reasons, but my boss says this time it's for real."
Thinks Russian Minister: "Lying mother-fucker is war criminal. Look like horse."
1: "They want us to impeach Obama, prosecute the current administration for treason and then hand them over to Putin to face charges for the Ukraine coup attempt. Do you realize what a can of worms this would open? Once Obama is out of the US they can hand him over to face charges in Syria, Libya, Yemen, Afghanistan, Iraq AND Iran. Then Bush. Then Clinton.... Kissinger."
"Fuuuuuuuuck, dude. Fuck."
"Thats not the problem. They want Soros. In chains. We can't give them Soros."
"Why not?"
2: "o_0"
'Both of our hockey teams sucked .... didn't they?'
Did somebody die?
Are you sure your not interested in my wife?
do you even lift bro?
do you even lift bro?
Considering all the perks I'd expect you to be more enthusiastic about your job. We are paying you well, patsy.
I don't like your dog either.
Even uncaptioned the lower photo made me burst out laughing!
A caption might be gilding the lily.
Kerry thinking; "Hmm, Al Lewis looks a lot younger in person."
Photographer catches the moment Kerry discovers the Russian Foreign Minister isn't gay.
God damn this internet, Ivan, I mean, Boris! How are you going to spin this act of naked agression? I'm all out of tricks.
Kerry: Please don't send me to my room!
.