"Krimea Kerry" Caption Contest

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A US Secretary of State walks into a meeting with a Russian Foreign Minister. The Russian asks: "why the long face?"... As for what happens in Ukraine this weekend, the pictures below say it all.

h/t @Shiegel, photo credit AFP, AP

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Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:10 | 4547316 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Ran out of Botox before the meeting

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:17 | 4547361 pods
pods's picture

They both look like they could use a bit more fiber.

pods

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:19 | 4547372 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Pardon me, but do you have some Grey Poupon ?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:23 | 4547398 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

kerry....i can count to 4 with my feet...

lavrov....did you run in the kentucky derby in '56?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:26 | 4547421 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

 

"Why didn't this shit go down on the Bitch's watch?"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:34 | 4547465 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

Lavrov:  Hurry up and smear some peanut butter on his lips so he will talk.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:41 | 4547493 Looney
Looney's picture

Instead of Botox, Kerry’s doctor gave him a shot of tranquilizer in the head. ;-)

Looney

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:45 | 4547513 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

You mean his Veterinarian...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:47 | 4547527 old naughty
old naughty's picture

"Um, I can't say fxxk EU."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 10:51 | 4547881 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

Looks like a bad case of Colic

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 10:52 | 4547885 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

That light blue tie really brings out the "crazy" in your eyes!!!

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 10:53 | 4547898 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

I will just keep my hands here to hide the boner I got at the thought of starting WWIII.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 21:20 | 4550599 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"When he said he'd unscrew my head and shit down my neck, I didn't think he'd actually do it..."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:37 | 4547472 Indian_Goldsmith
Indian_Goldsmith's picture

"Let's appear sad!"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:28 | 4547440 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

I think these guys look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:29 | 4547446 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

...and give it to him right in the ass.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:32 | 4547460 svayambhu108
svayambhu108's picture

You ment: I think *this couple* look like American Gothic. Give Kerry the pitchfork...

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:23 | 4547399 Looney
Looney's picture

Kerry: I should’ve stayed in the Senate.

Lavrov: No, you should’ve stayed in Vietnam, motherfucker. ;-)

Looney

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:24 | 4547412 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Crimea river

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:29 | 4547445 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Kerry thinking "We're really fucked this time"  

Lavrov thinking: "We're really going to kick their ass this time"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:30 | 4547450 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

This is why I won't do two shows a night anymore. I just won't do it.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:45 | 4547515 MakeMineADouble
MakeMineADouble's picture


Because if I tell you, you'll tell your friends, your friends are callin' me on the horn all the time, I gotta show up at shopping centers for openings and sign autographs and shit like that and it makes my life a *hell*. Okay? A living hell.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 12:16 | 4548330 ugmug
ugmug's picture

I farted on your damn flag you French talking swine american.......

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:19 | 4547373 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Carrots are good for that,neigh.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:41 | 4547492 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

Sergei looks like he wants to kick Kerry's ass...

What a fucking putz..

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 11:41 | 4548155 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Colon Canon Scared!

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:18 | 4547363 svayambhu108
svayambhu108's picture

- Lavrov: (... thinking to himself) What's that smell, did he fart, ... ?

- Kerry: (... thinking to himself)  Avoid eye contact 

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 11:40 | 4547428 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Jump forward to one week prior to mid term elections. An ass sucking reporter is interviewing Kerry trying to improve the sinking administration approval numbers. Russia has marched through Ukraine, Slovakia, Northern Italy, France, Spain and Putin is vacationing on the newly occupied coast of Portugal.

REPORTER: Mr. Secretary of State you gave Mr. Putin an ultimadum to alter his course of action prior to Monday, March 17 before his military moved full force into Ukraine. Looking back, do you think that was an effective approach?

KERRY: I'll take exception to your question. The US and our allies never specified which Monday was determined as deadline for Mr. Putin to alter his course. In fact he could decide by next Monday to fully retreat to his original borders and our diplomacy would prove to be effective.

The reporter breaks away to converse with Chris Mathews, "Chris this is just another shining example of how this young, brilliant, scratch golfer and his sterling administration has shined on the World stage and provided needed global leadership."

MATHEWS: I just popped a boner.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:55 | 4547568 stant
stant's picture

you dont visit russia, russia visits you

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 10:00 | 4547610 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 11:33 | 4548111 Hayabusa
Hayabusa's picture

Russian:  "You'd be wise to remember, in the USSR we still eat horsemeat horseface"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:11 | 4547320 rtalcott
rtalcott's picture

But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GAbc5uQXJo

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:11 | 4547321 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Fucktard.....

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:11 | 4547323 RetiredSilverBug
RetiredSilverBug's picture

Friends forever

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 10:19 | 4547729 old naughty
old naughty's picture

But we have to post for the "cold war" look.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:11 | 4547324 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Grandpa is soooo going to kick your ass....buhhhahhahaha buhahahahhah

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:12 | 4547326 LongBalls
LongBalls's picture

"Your penis really is much larger" "I hope to hold it again someday soon"!

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:12 | 4547327 holmes
holmes's picture

Wanna go parasailing later?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:12 | 4547328 motorollin
motorollin's picture

Will America defeat Russia with its sanctions and rhetoric?

Nyet.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:12 | 4547329 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

I should have wore the red tie.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:12 | 4547334 Svendblaaskaeg
Svendblaaskaeg's picture

Kerry:"I wish I hadn't shat my pants"

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:38 | 4547478 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Kerry afterthought: "Hmm, that doesn't smell like mine - maybe he did, too.  I think I'll just casually glance over that way and sniff.  " 

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:13 | 4547335 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

Kerry: You know the two biggest Russian lies??

 

"i wont cum in your mail"

"the check is in my mouth"

 

 

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:13 | 4547337 Henry Rearden
Henry Rearden's picture

The adams family started, when uncle kerry farted, everyone's retarded. The adam's family. Dunna na na.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:15 | 4547345 Martial
Martial's picture

*KERRY: GET READY FOR SANCTIONS MONDAY

*RUSSIAN: WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP.

*KERRY: SORRY I'M A LITTLE HOARSE.

*RUSSIAN: I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.

 

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:15 | 4547346 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Kerry reminds me of Merkin Muffley in Dr. Strangelove

Now Sergey Don't say that... Don't say that Sergey... I can be every bit as apologetic as you...

Bitch!

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:16 | 4547354 blackhand
blackhand's picture

Peace in our time.

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:16 | 4547356 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Kerry: But Wilbur, why cant I have a color TV?

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:17 | 4547358 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

"When people look at a strong horse and a weak horse face, they choose the strong horse."

Fri, 03/14/2014 - 09:18 | 4547365 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

 

How can I just let you walk away?
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothin' left here to remind me
Just the memory of your long face

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