Crimea Referendum Voter Turnout At 73%; EU Rejects "Illegal, Illegitimate" Vote, Seeks "Additional Measures"

Tyler Durden's picture


"No provocations have been reported. The situation is quiet and under control," notes Crimea's Prime Minister Sergei Aksynov (despite plenty of chatter of pro-Ukraine buildings being attacked by pro-Russian supporters in Donetsk and Kharkiv). However, what is perhaps more important is that Interfax reports, voter turnout at Sunday's referendum on Crimea' future status had reached 73% by 6 p.m. (8 p.m. Moscow time), according to a posting on the referendum's website. That is higher than every US presidential election since 1900. European leaders remain dissatisfied with this "illegal and illegitimate" vote, demand Russian forces drop back to pre-crisis levels, and are preparing new EU sanctions for Monday.






But European leaders are not for the democracy...


So Barroso and Van Rompuy are not amused - we wonder what Frau Merkel thinks...

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Sun, 03/16/2014 - 12:48 | 4555095 Yoki
Yoki's picture

Why can't we just leave it all to Victoria Nulland and Natalia Poklonskaya.


Sorry guys, wet dream


Sun, 03/16/2014 - 12:51 | 4555106 HarryWanqer
HarryWanqer's picture

Boys we have a big problem. This referendum is now more legitimate than the EU referendums. Suggestions?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 12:54 | 4555126 Yoki
Yoki's picture

Here's one, lets replace all the politicians with Porn models. I guarantee they'll do a much better job. But we'll keep Victoria and Natalia, these two will be smoking hot in one bedroom

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 12:58 | 4555142 _ConanTheLibert...
Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:02 | 4555157 Yoki
Yoki's picture

Ok, I stand corrected,


Cicciolina, Victoria Nulland and Natalia Poklonskaya will have this crisis eaten up in no time!


Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:03 | 4555160 Yoki
Yoki's picture

oh yeah, and you know what, FUCK THE EU

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:15 | 4555195 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

the people have spoken

an now will be ignored

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:28 | 4555239 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

The EU's hypocrisy knows no bounds.  Had the plebicite gone the other way... the EU "Leaders" would be hailing it as a great, free, democratic process.  Because they're not getting their way... it's all illegitimate.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:31 | 4555259 knukles
knukles's picture


Send in the SEALS and kill 'em all, the lying untrustworthy lawless oligarchical Godless socialists... er wait.... where?  Never mind....

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:33 | 4555272 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

Suck it Nudelman, suck it real hard!

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:41 | 4555315 knukles
knukles's picture

Typical fucking Europeans.
You'd think it was August.
Gonna meet tomorrow...

.... real sense of importance, it being Sunday, and all...
.... so why the fuck they get Sunday off, it's a religious holiday, FFS...

... making Vlad the Bad shiver, shiver I say...

...and when they meet TOMORROW, then they'll make some decisions...

... like what's for dinner...

... fuckin' tell ya', what's for dinner is either at a 5* restaurant in Brussels or penis... yeah, that's what for dinner, penis...

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:44 | 4555331 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

They'll meet tomorrow to draft up a new "we strongly condemn this vote" letter

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:49 | 4555358 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Before or after the penis?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:19 | 4555490 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

that would be "Penis a la mode" with a delicate blend of "azz" on the tip.......our azz to be exact......

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 22:04 | 4557089 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Oh, you're just being rude.


The 'other 27%' (or, 16%, as reported) might be (MIGHT BE!) willing to get along with the E.U. debt model (or, in your parlance, taking the tip of the penis in the rectum for mother Crimea). IF 99.5% of the 27% or the 16% had voted thusly, then the actual vote by 100% of the voting population would be... (SHIT, my calculator just broke as I tapped the numbers in. Would you care to do the calculations?)

OH, it's a 51%/49% split, just like the selections of 49% of the eligible votors in the 2012 selections in the CONUS...

What was that guy's name that got assasinated, causing WWI to start, anyway? Archduke Ferdinand? Barry Soetoro? Valerie Jarrett? That 'Boroso' dude?


All you plebes think about is anal sex, as the world is being torn apart once again. Well, I admit that putting my Johnson in a young nubile girl's bottom is pleasurable and all (they all really want that, you know?), it is a far cry from thinking the subject and working the issues at hand (which, if solved correctly, will allow you to do this sex act freely once again).

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:51 | 4555371 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

If you're using the voice and character of "Frau Farbissina" in Austin Powers, I could see the scary if comical effect.  :-)

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:27 | 4555531 douglas
douglas's picture

The US and European MSM agrees with the official govt position - ¨The election in Crimea is clearly ilegal and invalid¨

In other unrelated news...  This past week Kim Jong Un won 100% of the Parliamentary votes of his constituency.  Official state media reports that this is unquestionably an expression of The People´s absolute support and profound trust in Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un - as they singlemindedly remain loyal to him, holding him in high esteem.¨

- Gotta love it!
Mon, 03/17/2014 - 00:17 | 4557382 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Frau Farbissina knows.

Lies, all LIES!

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:29 | 4555246 Yoki
Yoki's picture

And now that they are ignored, unleash the Algo's


Oh yeah and you know what, FUCK THE EU.

And FUCK THE bitch that downs me all the time, dead brain beat, dickless mf

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:53 | 4555377 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Uhm, Nuland is not actractive.  

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:29 | 4555249 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

80-86% of Americans were against Obamacare almost all the polls showed. 

We know how that turned out.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:44 | 4555330 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

In the 2012, Obama got 100% of the vote in some precinct!

So how could anyone doubt  the 73% turn out?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:49 | 4555356 knukles
knukles's picture

Not only 100% of the vote, but 100+% turnout

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:59 | 4555400 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Not only 100% of the vote, but 100+% turnout

Including the guy who has been dead 20 years.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:28 | 4555241 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

...and the horse it rode in on.

What if the people embraced the EUSSR. Would the EUSSR still object?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:02 | 4555159 jaap
jaap's picture

Hey, we Dutch we also allowed to vote for the Lisbon treaty... and voted no.

I guess that is the way it will also go here...

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:22 | 4555220 agent default
agent default's picture

I think this is one of the few times that the people will not be ignored.  Not because of principles mind you, but because it suits the interests of another powerful entity.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:24 | 4555521 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

It would be prudent for people to question WHY US and NATO need these bases in Crimea so badly. What is going to happen? This is about establishing position for future events?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:49 | 4555363 bh2
bh2's picture

"Democracy" doesn't have the same meaning in the EU as elsewhere, as Farage keeps pointing out. But eventually it will.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:11 | 4555447 Sirius Wonderblast
Sirius Wonderblast's picture

I've had the feeling for a while now that eventually democracy will be delivered, by the demos, at the business end of a gun

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:13 | 4555187 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

If you guys think Victoria Nuland is porn worthy you need to PM me for better suggestions on where to get your Internet pornography!  FFS.


Hell, I bet the SEC crew could give you the hookup on where to go too.  

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:28 | 4555244 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

You guys just thought that she was talking about the European Union when she said "Fuck the EU!"  In reality, she was talking about porn star Edward Ubersax.  The film started with him in a Ukrainian police uniform as she fed him cookies and other pastries. 

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:51 | 4555370 knukles
knukles's picture

Why, pray tell, are you intimately aware of such?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:02 | 4555408 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Uhh, ummm, ahhh, well, you see...


Awww, fuckit, I'm a sick fuck.  Besides, trying to come up with an excuse was like watching Obama without a teleprompter. 

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 15:19 | 4555748 knukles
knukles's picture

Now that is really funny...

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 22:13 | 4557104 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

On this subject...

OBAMA without a teleprompter:

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:20 | 4555498 DutchR
DutchR's picture

lets replace all the politicians with Porn models



Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:04 | 4555144 FlipFlop
FlipFlop's picture

Let's repeat the referendum until we get the right result?

Any better ideas? This is the usual way in the EU.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:21 | 4555508 DutchR
DutchR's picture

Hey but me did vote no,


proving your point

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:04 | 4555161 Ifigenia
Ifigenia's picture

at least they, crimeans, are not pressed like the irish to vote until the result match the propposed Treaty of Lisbon. Too much democracy in Ireland, i think.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:06 | 4555433 Flybyknight
Flybyknight's picture


That devil Putin. Not only did he out play us in Syria but now he is being more democratic than us 

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:47 | 4555636 wakeupsheeps
wakeupsheeps's picture

Time to blame Crimea for Climate Change and start the search for WMDs.  That script always works.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 16:29 | 4555977 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

harry - you're back!

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 18:03 | 4555171 Serfs Up
Serfs Up's picture

The only legitimate vote is one with Diebold machines in the mix.

You know it's a good election if and only if the exit polls and the announced results differ by at least 3 standard deviations.

/sarc alert/

Clearly the US has firm moral high ground to lecture other countries about voting irregularities and such.

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 13:22 | 4555219 Jannn
Jannn's picture

New York Federal Reserve Lying About Gold Storage

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:12 | 4555452 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

I'm totally shocked. Only gold reserves?

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:17 | 4555474 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

I´m expecting the Fed to yet again order an attack on phyzz early Monday morning, only to see physical demand overwhelm it´s efforts to depress the price by the start of the trading day in New York.  If your looking for any kind of dip to buy some more phyzz, it may only happen around 0200 EST, but that time window of opportunity may be quite small. 

Sun, 03/16/2014 - 14:10 | 4555446 Which is worse ...
Which is worse - bankers or terrorists's picture

Nuke Mosscow.

You know you want to. If you want a system reset, it is certainly one way to do it. 


Sun, 03/16/2014 - 12:50 | 4555103 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture


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