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President Obama Explains To Russian Stocks Why They Should Be Down - Live Feed

Tyler Durden's picture


With global equity markets exuberant (from US to Europe to Russia) at the prospect of US sanctions against Russia, we look forward to hearing from Comrade President Obama on why this is a punishment and why it's a bad thing for Russia (and where the next red line is)...



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Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:44 | 4558453 VD
VD's picture


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:46 | 4558469 ACP
ACP's picture

How the hell did he start on time?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:54 | 4558518 remain calm
remain calm's picture

The Russian know that Obama is an idiot. They know the average Russian 5th grader would kick his ass in a chess match. They are purely entertained by this embicile. Problem is the average American is 2 times as stupid as our President. We are fucked as a nation.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:01 | 4558550 HarryWanqer
HarryWanqer's picture

I just felt this thrill go up my leg and into my pubic area.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:39 | 4558781 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

vd...only till the  next one...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:16 | 4558987 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:32 | 4558732 Cygnus Nigri
Cygnus Nigri's picture

Thats IMBECILE you imbecile....

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:41 | 4558789 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Typo maybe?


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:46 | 4558829 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

That masterpiece line from Vlad about playing chess with Obama is like playing with a pigeon, just never gets old!!

I'm already looking forward to watching the MSM try to keep Obama a rock star politician after he's gone and Vlad will be ELECTED for another 6 years after this Crimea maneuver!!!

There's gonna be some billion dollar front foundation with his fucking name on it, ahhhhhhh fuck, it's just never gonna end is it?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:54 | 4558521 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Especially when it is snowing in DC and he would not have had to make a t-time.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:56 | 4558530 VD
VD's picture

next he'll be EARLY to make up for being late to the (Ukrainian) party (on the ground)...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:44 | 4558814 Relentless101
Relentless101's picture

Wanted to get back to his brackets?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:53 | 4558507 kashey
kashey's picture

I think you should have a referendum on willingly joining Russia. :)

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:37 | 4559456 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

He be da best, eva:  He's just doing his libertarian best to bring on the Big Reset ASAP.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:45 | 4558461 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

It's the Muppet Show.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:52 | 4558501 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

which makes most ZH'ers the two grumpy guys in the box seats.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:45 | 4558464 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Obama has actually got most of the country against him vs. Putin. ......perhaps this was the plan all along and he really is a genius 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:09 | 4558593 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Obama's approval ratings have fallen below 40%.  I'm surprised there are actually that many who approve.

Putin's approval ratings in the US are probably higher than 40%.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:13 | 4558957 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture



Obama's approval ratings have fallen below 40%.


monsanto gm corn syrup

Water fluoridation

Chemtrails - Barium, Aluminum,



one helluva a drug mix nowonder the zombies still think he is cool.


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:53 | 4559209 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

The former United States of Amerika watches Honey Boo Boo. Nuff said.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:25 | 4558689 mrvco
mrvco's picture

Apparently the diehard Obamabots and Neocons constitute ~40% of the US poll taking population.

Obama is going to start a war with Russia to prove to the Euros how smart he is, brilliant!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:46 | 4558467 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yes! Another live feed by comrade Zero!  I'll try not to faint this time.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:16 | 4558983 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

You aren't preggo are you?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:48 | 4558473 agstacks
agstacks's picture

...let's be clear..

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558489 tickhound
tickhound's picture

... I don't take questions..

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:07 | 4558583 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And "these are my orders and I intend on carrying them out."

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:39 | 4559115 Confused
Confused's picture

Broad framework, consensus, and other words I say all the time while reading from a teleprompter. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:52 | 4558474 drooley
drooley's picture

Sanctions! Red lines! Tell Putin you'll unfriend him on Facebook!  You show 'em Obama!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:48 | 4558477 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Look out!  He's got his serious teleprompter face on! And he's sending Biden to Europe!  Send in the clowns!  Guess we don't have to wait until Friday for the humor posts now.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:55 | 4558676 mccvilb
mccvilb's picture

Stuporbowl 2014, 4th Q, 95 to 7. Time to send Joe Biden in.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:49 | 4558479 agstacks
agstacks's picture

"..Pulling the troops in Crimea back to their bases"


The one in Crimea?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:32 | 4558711 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

I love that line too!

Do you get the feeling, it's the WH 4th stringers in the game at this point???

Someone tell them, Crimea is now part of Russia, before they start writing!

Larry Summers and the Boyz "saved the system" and then looted everything they could in the first term and now its time to go back out there and find the next sucker to elect, so they can repeat!

Christ, Obama probably can't find an under 25 handycap to play with among that greenhorn crew of staffers!!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:38 | 4558893 mccvilb
mccvilb's picture

The O-man better watch it. Joe thinks the television show House of Cards is about him.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:49 | 4558480 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

One quick look at what those stocks are priced in tells you everything you need to know...

hedge accordingly...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:39 | 4559465 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

RMB?  Hope the Chinese are buying.  Thus saying "Fut You!"

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:49 | 4558481 gbresnahan
gbresnahan's picture

At least he isn't pushing Obamacare in this telecast, but it's still early.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558483 TrustbutVerify
TrustbutVerify's picture

Interesting.  This live feed arrives before my cable TV feed of the speech.  An axample of frontrunning and unfair trading opportunity? You decide. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558484 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

so let me see if i got this shit straight...

russia tells the US and its puppet negro in "they" white house to shut the fuck up and fuck off...

this is SUPPOSED to b bad for the Fraud Markets and OF COURSE GOOD FOR THE ONLY 2 FORMS OF REAL MONEY...

but in fact, the Fraud Markets shoot to the moon, and lo and behold....


did i nail it????????????



Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:59 | 4558542 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Sounds about par for the outward 9.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:47 | 4558833 free_lunch
free_lunch's picture

Paper gold creates the illusion that there is more gold then there actually is. It also creates the illusion that fiat money has +45 times the purchasing power it actually has.. At least that's what goldseek claims in this article:

There is also a hypothetical article about the bankrupting and nationalisation of miners.

The more I read, the darker my worldview becomes, intellect and curiousity are a heavy load to carry these days..

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:57 | 4558889 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

"The more I read, the darker my worldview becomes, intellect and curiousity are a heavy load to carry these days.."

exactly...once uve taken the red pill u r free but its still like a splinter in ur brain cause "knowing" amongst a mostly braind dead populace can drive u mad if ur not careful.....

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558485 q99x2
q99x2's picture

I'd rather have a toothache than watch that fool.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558500 agent default
agent default's picture

Try turning off the sound.  Best puppet show EVAR.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:52 | 4558503 Postal
Postal's picture

I have a toothache. It dulls the pain.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558486 agent default
agent default's picture

And if the Russians pull a few thousand T80s and T90s out of their warehouses and invade Poland, we will confiscate all babushka dolls in the US.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:03 | 4558564 Boomberg
Boomberg's picture

Anybody touches my babushka dolls and it's dasvidanya baby. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:08 | 4558586 Husk-Erzulie
Husk-Erzulie's picture

Ah ha ha Molon Labe Bitchez!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558488 djsmps
djsmps's picture

I missed it. Did he mention costs?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558491 kito
kito's picture

all we need now is a reagan to come in and triple the national debt again to save us from the evil russians.....

and then we can have a volcker come in and raise interest rates to 21% to save us from this economic malaise......




Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:05 | 4558574 More_sellers_th...
More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

Well it worked once dumb ass.  That is once more tha socialism ever did.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:12 | 4558613 kito
kito's picture

stupid fuck, you think our great nation can afford to triple its debt to win another cold war? does your subpar math abilities allow you to calculate the u.s. interest on debt if it went to 21%.

my point, shit for brains, is that this country is done. toast. that it cannot be saved as it was saved once before, because the tactics used then are impossible to utlilize now. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:18 | 4558641 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Aw, c'mon, Kito.  Everyone knows deficits don't matter.  One more time for old time's sake, I say.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:38 | 4558772 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

I was with you Kito! 10 fucking down arrows

Pavlov's Conditioned fools, they hear Reagan's name and they get euphoric and pee themselves, without thinking:)

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:44 | 4558817 kito
kito's picture

astonishing isnt it?! die hard reaganites are waiting for their hero to ride in on a white horse and save america again with his "conservative" policies. too bad those "conservative" policies involved spending massive amounts of money that were borrowed. but hey, he was the Savior!!!!! no critical thinking allowed!!!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:53 | 4558864 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture


Kind of makes you think, all this libertarian love we feel right now, ISNT about people being mad about they live in a bankrupt, corrupt, financial farce, but about being mad WHOS writing the checks!!

Hmmmmmmmm, let hopey not!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:51 | 4559193 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

What's astonishing is that of all people you can blame for the downfall of the US, you blame conservatives.  Not the progressives who gave us the Fed, keynesian economics, the MIC and welfare state or the liberals who degenerated the culture and family or the neofascists NWO puppets like Bush, Clinton and Obama.  It's Reagans fault.  Some things never change, I won't be surprised if start blaming the jews next.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:39 | 4559466 kito
kito's picture

harbanger where did i blame conservatives? i blamed "conservatives". big difference. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:13 | 4558968 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

At first I thought the down arrows were because people couldn't detect the sarcasm. I had no idea that they were downing you because they thought another Reagon could "save the day". It just goes to show you that people believe the rhetoric and never look at the actual policies.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:22 | 4559020 kito
kito's picture

im shocked by the sheer stupidity doc......

how everything with you? any hunting?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:03 | 4559247 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Your premise seems to be that socialism is unproductive. If so, then why did we even need to spend all that money to "defeat" socialism? If it is so unproductive, would it not have dismantled itself?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:14 | 4559318 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

After 100yrs of Fed intervention and central planning.  Socialism is dismantling itself, or rather transforming itself into it's natural state of fascism.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:50 | 4558492 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Rights, dignity, prosperity for Ukrainians?  You can't even provide that for Americans you fool.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:58 | 4558538 madcows
madcows's picture

Uh, he's actually trying to take those things away.  Right, dignity and prosperity for all, except USA.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:10 | 4559296 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

"Former USA"


USSA, Untied States of Amerika work as well. Feel free to come up with your own. In any case, we need to be precise and stop referring to this Banana Republic as the USA. There is no more USA. Period,

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558493 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

Wow, that was moving. Need to get to the bathroom now. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:53 | 4558511 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Don't forget your EU and American flag TP

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:01 | 4558529 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

now that is a Million Dollar business idea

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558496 USA USA
USA USA's picture

Oh GAWD, no more please!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:55 | 4558524 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...pretty cool huh?

Meanwhile the thieves are running out the backdoor with the silverware.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558497 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

only we can interfere in Ukraine! 

Only we can invade and bomb countries at will on trumped up charges!!

Jesus, read the NYT or CNN and the comments though - the masses are, like 2/3, on board with Obama's blatant distortion of reality.  The coverage entirely leacves out, entirely fuckin' memory holes the fact the US aided and abetted the violent overthrow of Ukraine's duly elected government.

And that it has done so before. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:05 | 4558541 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

The Times, and MSM are the last bastion of the Obamabots. He could flip them the bird and call them a bunch of stupid fucking non-thinking robot turds on live teevee, and they would think... "that president Obama, he's such a joker. I just love his smile". Fucking tools...all of them.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:36 | 4558758 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Johnny Cocknballs, why do you persist in your anxiety?  Commenters are paid on those sites, if not automated.  It's a movie shoot, and the crowd in the stands is 80% cardboard.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:51 | 4558498 sudzee
sudzee's picture


Loosing is winning.

Obomski singlehandedly defeats the Bear.

Good news is great news.

Bad news is good news.

If you own the media you can fool everyone all the time.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:52 | 4558504 Mad Mohel
Mad Mohel's picture

He had that look of just having wiped bukkake off his face.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:53 | 4558506 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

nice of him to take some time off from filling out his college b-ball bracket... that takes alot of work, and only a few days to accomplish

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:53 | 4558508 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Damned glitchy Russian market...someone get Sebelius in here!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:53 | 4558509 Mine Is Bigger
Mine Is Bigger's picture

Doesn't it seem like the EU's support for the Kiev regime has waned significantly over the past few days?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:56 | 4558528 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

They don't want the EU serfs getting any ideas about voting for their system of government.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:58 | 4558536 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

The shelf-life of usefull idtios is short

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:54 | 4558515 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Putin and his gang watch Comrade Obama speak while eating bananas, scratching their undersrms, making monkey sounds and laughing. Putin says: "ARE YOU TALKING TO ME"!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:13 | 4558617 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Putin after 30 seconds:  I've seen enough.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:54 | 4558516 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

I think it is fucking hilarious that Obama and his people tried to create yet another uprising...Putin said FUCK YOU and just took over.  Fuck you Obama you bisexual salad tossing douche!!!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:54 | 4558520 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

The douchebag in chief stated that the US supports the Ukrainian people and their right to determine their future path, unless they choose a path we have not approved in advance.......... like they just did in Crimea by an overwhelming majority of citizens. How can these swine stand up and spew such obvious and rediculous tripe and expect anyone to listen, much less believe, anything the scum utters? We are at peak idiocy it appears. How much farther off can the end be?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 10:56 | 4558527 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

This guy Obummer is dumber than even he can conceive.  Suicide is a real option for this clown.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:01 | 4558554 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Red Line on Wheels

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:02 | 4558556 Husk-Erzulie
Husk-Erzulie's picture

Alls I'm sayin' is... If taht degenerate douche NOZZLE sanctions Natalia Poklonskaya then that's it... I'm a goin to DC and kick his ass myself.  ;-P

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:15 | 4558628 Unstable Condition
Unstable Condition's picture

Thank GAWD!

I missed it.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:20 | 4558656 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

I missed it. Did he start on time? I bet he had those Russian dolls in the background as props? 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:22 | 4558667 shinobi-7
shinobi-7's picture

I propose a cavity check for Obama on his next trip to Russia!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:41 | 4558793 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

He's getting it already.  No gold up there!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:27 | 4558682 sfisher
sfisher's picture

 The US believes that the Crimean people should have a right to self determination, but they must first fight a civil war in order to secede.  

I believe that the Declaration of Independence of the US provides for this (and this must be applied to all sovereign nations):

Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government by fighting a bloody civil (not by a overwhelming vote of the people).  

I think I got that right.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:29 | 4558715 Typing Typer
Typing Typer's picture

Obama is such a pathetic embarrassement. Well, maybe this is cathartic for the US, burn through the real losers and eventually the population will wish to feel like winners again. One can only hope.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:35 | 4558748 PatientZero
PatientZero's picture

lel Obama got trolled hard.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:41 | 4558790 vyeung
vyeung's picture

complete dickhead. But then the powers behind the curtain want that.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 11:49 | 4558837 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Zogby approval rating poll:

Obama @ 28%

Putin @ 91%

Putin could win the US Presidency in a landslide victory.


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:47 | 4559166 BudFox2012
BudFox2012's picture

This administration is a lame duck administration interested in its legacy that currently has a lot of egg on it's face.  I certainly hope they don't do something rash here to save face.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:00 | 4559246 Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

That's not egg.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 14:07 | 4559603 mccvilb
mccvilb's picture

Jay Carney Presser - Yadayadaya. Notice the expected effect of sanctions he mentioned was currency manipulation of the Ruble? Obama's Central Bank WMD.


On the issue of self-determination, countries are people too.


On the reverse ace McCain's contention that the sanctions were timid... stalking horse in the house.

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