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Twitter Trolling Continues: Sanctioned "Gray Cardinal Of The Kremlin" Responds To Obama

Tyler Durden's picture


Update: it appears that Surkov Twitter account is a fake. Which is unfortunate, since we are confident it captures his real feelings accurately. We do have this response, however, from the Russian house speaker, which is certainly real: RUSSIAN UPPER HOUSE SPEAKER MATVIYENKO SAYS U.S. SANCTIONS AFFECTING HER ARE "POLITICAL BLACKMAIL" - INTERFAX


* * *

Earlier we showed what Russia's deputy Prime Minister thought of Obama's sanctions (not much). Now, it is the turn of the first and allegedly most important person on the White House's list of sanctioned Russians in response to the Ukraine referendum, the infamous Vladislav Surkov, also known as the "gray cardinal" of the Kremlin, to opine. His "statement" to Obama needs no clarification.

And this surprisingly accurate statement:

For the general amusement and entertainment of everyone, we hope that the twitter wars continue. We also truly hope that all this trolling gets Obama to Tweet something more than just relentless Obamacare propaganda.

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Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:33 | 4559070 fooshorter
fooshorter's picture

Obamas a pussy, but are these russian thugs in like 9th grade? Still pretty funny tho..

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:37 | 4559103 hungarianboy
hungarianboy's picture

I loughed my ass off here in the office when I read these tweets.

It's pretty clear that Russian people do have fun.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:39 | 4559116 Jack's Digestib...
Jack's Digestible Ideas's picture

It's almost unfathomable just how stupid our representatives are. Almost.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:43 | 4559140 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

and these people have nukes?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:50 | 4559164 maskone909
maskone909's picture

If you could chart the technicals...

The concerns of the public versus actions of the gov would show MAJOR DIVERGENCE. In fact with this tweeting circuis you might just say the 50dma broke through the 200dma in a death cross. Stik a nail gun in it, its done, gone, kaput.

The hilarity of vin deisels, Fast and Furious. thought provoking and profound. Good day.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:55 | 4559204 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

????? ?? ???


If anyone needs to use this around Obama, thats 'Fuck You' in Russian.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:56 | 4559222 maskone909
maskone909's picture

Id like to caution those who are instigating tweets. Obama just sigbe an executive order to seize assets of those involved in interfering with ukraine. Seriously, he will take your obammer phone and snap card back. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:07 | 4559258 Manthong
Manthong's picture

But that's what you get when you tie your assets up in the corrupt western financial system. 

At least prominent western figures have nothing to be concerned about with the Russian Mob.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:41 | 4559474 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Surkov speaks in a way that the common man can understand.

Barry O uses the effete language of the bathhouse.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:47 | 4559516 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Dancing around spewing the latest PC crap is not going to impress the Russians. They care less how much you love gays, trees, American Idol contestants or that goat around the corner. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 14:02 | 4559609 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

The reverse will also prove to be true.   If your an American or European based business with assets inside Russia right now...well good luck to you.  More than likely, your shit´s in the wind troop!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:15 | 4559326 Renewable Life
Renewable Life's picture

By "these people" I know you must be referring to "the Americans"' right?

Obama list 7 Russian Government officials and 3-4 "Crimean Separatist" and proceeds on your and mine's behalf to confiscate their personal assets, and you fucking think this shit won't get nasty and personal???

What you better hopey as an American or European is, your fucking name never gets put on a "list" for punishment by government confiscation of your personal wealth! Oh I know, your a god faring, hard working, flag waving American, that could never happen!!

You better hopey so!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:45 | 4559145 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Essentially all governments are stupid and dictatorial.  Some are just more dictatorial than others.

And some are just more stupid (ours).  *Sigh*

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:51 | 4559192 The Wizard
The Wizard's picture

1776 - Common Sense
"Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one. Government, like dress, is the badge of lost innocence; the palaces of kings are built upon the ruins of the bowers of paradise." Thomas Paine

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:20 | 4559260 TheGoldMyth
TheGoldMyth's picture

Bollocks DoChenRollingBearing..."Essentially all governments are stupid and dictatorial."

Governments (Real Governments) hardly exist. You must be talking about sock puppets Con-Trolled by privately owned money/debt printing gangs. The first (Very necesarry) step is to discover (Personally) privatised governments are not actually governments......sigh !! + Good grief!!

I care not who your leaders are, just let me tell them what to do no matter how stupid/etc they look to the untrained observer.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:26 | 4559375 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

It doesn't matter much what a government SAYS, but what it DOES. Actions, not words !

In case you haven't notice, Putin doesn't spend much talking (though he's polite enough to listen to Obama's rantings over the phone). I bet he's very busy acting to change the reality in the field, though. Next step, Eastern & Southern Ukraine...

Twitter, TV & UN wars of words are just entertainment for the peanuts gallery (which, by the way, includes the Press)...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:46 | 4559150 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Obama is lost without a twitterprompter.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:40 | 4559118 forwardho
forwardho's picture

A reply to 9th grade diplomacy.

There is a vast gulf between the bush and major legues.


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:43 | 4559135 JR
JR's picture

People are "pretty funny" for believing all these things. When it comes to well known political figures and celebrities making statements on Twitter, a good dose of suspicion on the origins is advised. Since the Federal Reserve, with its reserve currency, and the IMF with its worldwide leverage, have become political instruments, and the NSA works for them, false words and pictures on the Internet may be part of the political leverage exerted by this Empire.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:55 | 4559219 dirtbagger
dirtbagger's picture

Obama is just following Nixon's former AG John Mitchell's advise:  "When the going gets tough, the tough go golfing"

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:34 | 4559072 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

For a minute there I thought that was a picture of Zero finally being honest about how he views the American people.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:32 | 4559074 Let them eat iPads
Let them eat iPads's picture

Crimea river, bitchez!

This is PUTIN country now.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 17:30 | 4560670 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Crimea river.. good one - should be headline here.

Call it Jack Dnieper..

erect fake villages.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:34 | 4559076 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

<<Tupac is alive, and pulled a Snowden

<<1993 is just hitting Russia

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:34 | 4559083 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

Why hasn't Obama been arrested yet?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:42 | 4559125 European American
European American's picture

Maybe when you and I have the balls to 'storm the Bastllle'? Who else is gonna' do it?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:34 | 4559086 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Can't we resolve all of this with a green beer summit.........??

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:34 | 4559087 Tracerfan
Tracerfan's picture

Surkov is reputed to have had a photo of Tupac in his Kremlin office next to his photo of Putin

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:35 | 4559092 Devotional
Devotional's picture

Obama and the military industrial complex got handed their asses on a platter.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:38 | 4559110 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

MIC don't give a shit. More play, more pay.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:36 | 4559097 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

"Read my Lips." "No new attacksessesss"

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:36 | 4559098 Neo
Neo's picture

Oh Boy! Twitter Diplomacy. How many tweets before Godwin's Law ?

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:40 | 4559119 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Check the White House feed. I'm sure they covered that early on.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:36 | 4559100 Silversinner
Silversinner's picture

We got the dope (oil)

We got the money(gold)

We got the weapons to protect it.

Soon we will be trading oil for gold.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:36 | 4559102 unrulian
unrulian's picture

West Coast Bitchez

East Coast Bitchez

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:38 | 4559108 yogibear
yogibear's picture

A nice postcard from Crimea to Obama, Kerry and the EU from Putin.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:38 | 4559111 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Yep I just found my new office poster...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:42 | 4559124 yogibear
yogibear's picture

The US and EU are the newest bitches for Russia.

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:43 | 4559139 kashey
kashey's picture

A Russian proverb: Don't dig a hole for others, you will fall in it yourself.
Obama should not have started the whole coup story in Ukraine, now after Russia has realised it has nothing to lose, i.e. the West is not negotiable and wants all Ukraine - our hands are free.
Another Russian proverbs - For 7 challenges you will need just one big response.
Eastern Ukraine, welcome back to Russia!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:54 | 4559212 Seer
Seer's picture

The hole-digging was charted no later than 1997 (refer to Brzezinski's The Grand Chessboard).

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:38 | 4559463 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

Brzezinski was an idiotic National Security Adviser, under an idiotic administration (Carter). Among some of his most inglorious moments were: the loss of Iran to Islamic radicals, and the abandonmemt of the Panama Canal by US.

Why is his name so famous all of the sudden ?

If this is the best stategist that US could produce at this point in time, then Americans are in much deeper shit that anybody could guess...

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:47 | 4559167 Confundido
Confundido's picture

Another low in Russian tradecraft...I wonder how low both...no, correct: the three parties (US, EU, Russia) can go and how much this is a sign of the chaos that is to come on things financial. I wonder whether Putin himself is subject to the new asset freeze and travel ban. The irony of this all is that the Germans end up looking like the smartest...however, they still cannot believe the vacuum in foreign policy left by the US...they are like a teenager that after a fight, sees a gun dropped on the floor and hesitates....This is the problem with US policy: Since Woodrow Wilson, Americans based it on morality and the notion of international law...Well, that is ok if one can have a minimum of moral authority, respects the rule of law and has unmatched firepower. The first two necessities are missing here and realpolitik then runs the day. 

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:52 | 4559200 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Cancel all press conferences, we're going to DEF-TWEET 5.


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 12:55 | 4559206 news printer
news printer's picture

Dear US, Russian people are thankful for your sanctions aganst Mizulina.


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:04 | 4559268 discopimp
discopimp's picture

Actually Dear, unless you have some not so flattering pictures of you floating around,  its call EXTORTION not Blackmail.  Unless you are refereeing to Dear Leaders skin color, and that’s just plain Racist! 


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:07 | 4559283 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

One of my favorite pastimes with my Slavic friends is taking the Cyrillic spellings of their names and creating nikname out of it,  Surkov, I call you PSYCHO-K'BOB. 

With all admiration and respect, ??????  aka HOSEJELLY


Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:12 | 4559309 DadzMad
DadzMad's picture

I was just chillin, crunk with my homies, and he was all like "I'm keeping Crimea!"  And I was Like "Oh no you just di-int!  I'm keeping that green you left in my country!"  But that punkass bitch snuck in last wek and stole his money back!

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:17 | 4559333 JR
JR's picture

Could someone provide the proof that Vladislav Yuryevich Surkov is an oligarch? 

"Surkov claimed that he earned 3.89 million rubles ($115,000) in 2008. According to public records, his wife Dubovitskaya earned 16.8 million rubles ($497,000)," says Wikipedia.

This quote by Surkov appears to conflict with pronouncements that he is an oligarch:

"In spite of the high degree of integration of the Western economies, French elite is considered as French, and German as German ... as long as the Russian ruling elite remains an offshore aristocracy, as long as it fails to understand that …it is a national bourgeoisie, we will have nothing good in this country. We will dangle in a critical gap. It is because of this gap that we have not yet succeeded in anything.” – Vladislav Yuryevich Surkov

Surkov, Vladislav Yuryevich Biography      

Born on September 21, 1964, in the village of Solntsevo, Lipetsk region.

Education: International University, master’s degree in economics. 

1983-1985: Served in the Soviet Army.

Mid-80s-early 90s: Ran a number of private organizations and enterprises. 

1991-1996: Held senior positions at the Menatep Credit and Financial Enterprises Association, later called Menatep Bank.

1996-1997: Deputy head, then head of public relations at Rosprom (closed joint-stock company); first deputy council chairman of Commercial Innovation Bank Alfa Bank. 

1998-1999: First deputy general director, director for public relations of Public Russian Television (ORT).

1999: Aide to the Chief of Staff of the Presidential Executive Office.

Since August 1999: Deputy Chief of Staff of the Presidential Executive Office. 

Since March 2004 - Deputy Chief of Staff of the Presidential Executive Office, and Aide to the President.



Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:22 | 4559355 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

If Obama gets mad, he'll send Dennis Rodman to Crimea, to "greet & meat" with its new AG, Natalia Poklonskaya. 4556653

If that MFer lays a hand on her or even drools, I will fry his b___ ass with "phaser on max".

Mon, 03/17/2014 - 13:52 | 4559538 dbTX
dbTX's picture

Great value in brefity !

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