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Russian Forces Attack Simferopol Military Unit; Shots Fired, 1 Injured, According To Reports

Tyler Durden's picture


It seems, despite all the market's belief that Putin would go quietly into the night once more, that the situation is escalating:


Of course, the big question now is how will Ukraine respond? Because attacking (and injuring) citizens sure seems like a red-line someone should not be crossing (although, as per the referendum, that region is now Russian).


Of course there is no confirmation that these are "Russian" troops per se but it is on the heels of news (via Slashdot) that:

this excerpt from The Examiner: "The Security Service of Ukraine (SBU) confirmed March 16 the arrest of a group of Russians in the Zaporizhzhia (Zaporozhye) region of Ukraine. The men were armed with firearms, explosives and unspecified 'special technical means'. This follows the March 14 arrest ... of several Russians dressed black uniforms with no insignia, armed with AKS-74 assault rifles and in possession of numerous ID cards under various names. One of which was an ID card of Military Intelligence Directorate of the Russian armed forces; commonly known as 'Spetsnaz'.

And the response by Ukraine has to be weighed based on this statement from the PM:


And from ABC's correspondent in Crimea:

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Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:51 | 4563038 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

It sure is a good thing that it's not "Russian Forces" doing this.

Now back to our regularly scheduled market ramp ...

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:54 | 4563063 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Victoria Nudelman: Here boys put these on.


random neo nazi ukrainian shock troop: these are WW2 russian uniforms.


Victoria Nudelman: It's all we had so fuck you along with the EU. YOu have your insstructions, now grab your ppsh and get the fuck going.


random neo nazi ukrainian shock troop: Da *gives heil hitler salute

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:10 | 4563136 y3maxx
y3maxx's picture

...Will make interesting PR when majority of Ukranian Forces currently in Crimea Officially/Publicly switch to Russia.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:10 | 4563161 unrulian
unrulian's picture

This is who you are dealing with:




Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:43 | 4563363 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

is that jon from delocated?

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:10 | 4563160 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Who is being invaded?

Russian invading a Ukraine province?

Ukraine invading a former Ukraine, now Russian province?

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:25 | 4563227 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Unwelcome foreign troops being evicted from Russian territory or lawful garrisons standing against an invasion, it depends on your perspective. How this turns out will hinge how how the Western forces react to this. If they react only with words and token jestures Putin may stop with only the Crimea. This will be an interesting test of the many theories about who is doing what behind the scenes. The scientist in me loves good solid data that can be used in hypothesis testing!

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:07 | 4563145 prains
prains's picture

.......snipers on scene.....and the vague one "injured" seems a little incongruous


if a sniper is on scene then it should read 6 dead from bullet to head in 10 minutes, injured sounds like somebody may have pulled a groin

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:18 | 4563183 Bonapartist
Bonapartist's picture

Sniping of trained troops is not as easy as the BS you see in Hollywood bullshit. These aren't Afghan goat fuckers.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 12:14 | 4563580 Fukushima Sam
Tue, 03/18/2014 - 12:52 | 4563834 Independent
Independent's picture

LOL Sam, that is pretty funny, that is one down side to being circumcised, it makes it hard to jerk off so you gotta find a goat.  I guess that is why the Israeli's need the gentile sex slaves, otherwise they would be using the kibbutz goats themselves, after all they are all Semites, the carnal desire for goat sex runs deep.


There are an estimated 20,000 female sex slaves forced into prostitution in Tel-Aviv each year. According to a report released in 2005 by the Knesset Subcommittee on Trafficking in Women, between 10,000 and 15,000 women had been smuggled into Israel over the previous four years to work as prostitutes. According to the report, the women, who were mostly from the former Soviet Union, were sold at public auction for as much as $10,000 and forced to work up to 18 hours a day. On average, the women received only three percent of the money they earned from prostitution, and many were raped and beaten. Most of the women had been smuggled over the Egyptian border and lured from Russia and Eastern Europe on false promises of secretarial jobs.




 But then its no surprise this is happening in Israel where one of the leading Rabbis, known as Rabbi Ovadia Yosef said....

 "Goyim (gentiles, non-Jews) were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world – only to serve the People of Israel," he said, according to the Jerusalem Post. "Why are gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat. That is why gentiles were created." An "effendi" is a lord, or a master, in Arabic.




Tue, 03/18/2014 - 12:32 | 4563685 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

Not sure Kevin Brent of "The Examiner" rises to the level of a credible source for any news save how much Kevin Brent wants to fuck Scarlett Johannsen and how much he hates Palestinians.


Tue, 03/18/2014 - 12:37 | 4563728 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture


This ass clown is all over the interwebs with comments like this.

I call bullshit on basically every claim in the text boxes.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 08:30 | 4566964 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

+1 Scarlett Johannsen. wtf is kevin brent?

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:51 | 4563039 slotmouth
slotmouth's picture


Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:53 | 4563050 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

wars are fought over land...it has been that way since we stopped living in caves...why is this news to anyone?

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:37 | 4563326 deeply indebted
deeply indebted's picture

Wars are fought over money.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:42 | 4563361 Bearwagon
Bearwagon's picture

War is a racket - and all wars are bankers wars!

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:53 | 4563051 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

How do we know this?  Twitter?  Wake me up when it's posted on FaceBook.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:55 | 4563069 FiatFapper
FiatFapper's picture

Apparently, the tweets were validated by CNN.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:23 | 4563217 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Oh, I missed that part.  OK then, it's all confirmed.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:53 | 4563053 hotrodblago30
hotrodblago30's picture

Guess it's a civil war now.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:10 | 4563159 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"election as pretext for war."

Just said this a week ago.
Again...these are all PRECIPITOUS acts...each action requiring yet another action by "Mother Russia."

At some point you're gonna see a bunch of dead Russians...and then you'll have your Real War...over a front that is almost 1200 miles wide I might add.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:55 | 4563075 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Moscow Accuses Ukraine of Electronic Attack on Satellite

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:55 | 4563079 kito
kito's picture

why are the ukranians in russian territory? would we put up with the mexicans (not the narco gangs of course, we all know they are here) setting up a base here? i think not. 

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:58 | 4563090 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Where have you been? The mexicans have 10-20 million set up here

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:18 | 4563187 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

and there are hundreds of thousands of Tatars in Crimea...all forcibly removed by Stalin from their homeland...all who returned once the Russian forces were spent fighting WWII and Stalin died. This is a very unstable situation...and that could be "made" stable by a full scale Russian invasion of the West. Secretary of State Kerry should in my view be fired immediately as he simply is "not in the loop" on this one and is not correctly informing the President as to why events on the ground are happening the way they are. The CIA director should also immediately tender his recognition. That guy either a: is a complete idiot or b: started this thing or c: both. Again..."total chaos along a 1200 mile front." If this thing really is part of a "Plan Oest" (ethnic cleansing) the President will have to speak to the American People about this as well.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:06 | 4563133 wtf1369
wtf1369's picture

We damn sure didn't put up with it at Ft Sumter. But then that didn't work out so well when all the smoke cleared.

Edit: But it wasn't Mexicans I'm referring to.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:30 | 4563259 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Will the Mexican forces vote for Obama? If so they will be tolerated. Special NSA scrutiny and IRS audits for any who complain about the Mexican base.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:56 | 4563084 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

All this should ramp up the S&P another 20-25 pts..

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:58 | 4563091 Payne
Payne's picture

Crimea is no longer part of Ukraine so Ukraine troops should reasonalby pack up and go home or change uniforms and paymasters.  Not going to happen then of course storm the bastille.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:58 | 4563093 falak pema
falak pema's picture

I'm sure its all just an excess of "brotherly love" and over protectionism.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 10:59 | 4563097 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

Well, that'll be good for another 1% rally in stocks...

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:06 | 4563124 TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

Just getting warmed up for the 2% ramp up after (20 milliseconds before) the FED announcement tomorrow. 

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:11 | 4563163 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

and another 1-2% drop in "gold".

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:01 | 4563102 Mine Is Bigger
Mine Is Bigger's picture

News source EuromaidanPR?

I need to hear it from a more credible source.  It does not make any sense for Russia to attack Ukrainian military in Crimea now.  But the Kiev regime?  So, forgive me if I am a bit skeptical about this.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:00 | 4563105 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Vlad only miscaluculation might be his atempts to remain cool headed instead of just stomping out those asshole EU/US stooges in Kiev....

he should just end this entire MoneyChanger op.....

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:01 | 4563112 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

stocks are on sale, hurry up and buy before the algos melt them up again...

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:04 | 4563130 TheSkipper1967
TheSkipper1967's picture

That's why I want my kids to join the military.  So they can travel the world, meet new and interesting people and kill them.  Not really funny because I have a 15 yr old son.  This war mongering has to stop and the freedom mongering has to start.  People are people the world over and just want to be free in raising a family and building a community.  Its TPTB that get in the way of that and need to be reset. 

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:08 | 4563150 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Don't forget about the raping of indigenous peoples. Whatever walks on two, or four legs, is yours for the having.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:11 | 4563162 Market Rage
Market Rage's picture

They need to protect the poppy fields from the Taliban.  Seriously though, it does have to stop.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:05 | 4563132 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Eviction notices being handed out to Ukranians in Crimea!

Get the hell out. This is Russia.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:05 | 4563137 Zwelgje
Zwelgje's picture

Men serving in the Military Intelligence Directorate never ever carry ID's saying so. This report is bullshit.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 12:46 | 4563785 flyingpigg
flyingpigg's picture

I agree, the story is not very credible. To add to that, Spetsnaz units don't get arrested. No traces would be left of the army unit if these well trained guys would be halted. Forward Bitchez!

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:06 | 4563140 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture
Jerry, just remember. It's not a lie... if you believe it...

George Costantza



My fellow Americans, just remember. It's not a war... if I  believe it...


Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:07 | 4563147 agstacks
agstacks's picture

I wonder if this was the same sniper that was picking off peope from both sides in Kiev? Someone is looking for an excuse to escalte it appears.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:13 | 4563170 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Red-Line Crossed!... Red-Line Crossed!... Threshold disobeyed!...

President Remus

This is getting very serious... I'll... I'll...

What will I be doing next?

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:17 | 4563186 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

...shit guys, this is tough. Damn snow, how far south do I need to go to play golf in 65ish degrees? Let's go, I need some time to relax.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:20 | 4563202 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Can't be so far south that I need shorts however, I look sharp in jeans.

Tue, 03/18/2014 - 11:27 | 4563239 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Valeri: Oh Mr. President, you look good, PERIOD. Oh, I am sorry.  (me..ha ha)

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