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Summarizing Yellen's First (Disastrous) Press Conference

Tyler Durden's picture




 

"Miss me yet?"

"That will be $250,000 for the first 60 minutes, and $250,000 for every subsequent 60 minutes."

Why disastrous? Here is the statement that sent stocks reeling:

“So the language that we used in the statement is considerable period. So I, you know, this is the kind of term it’s hard to define. But, you know, probably means something on the order of around six months, that type of thing.”

Everything else was just Yellen rereading James Joyce's Ulysses. The key points from Bloomberg:

*YELLEN: CHANGE IN FED GUIDANCE IS NO CHANGE IN POLICY INTENT
*YELLEN SAYS SPENDING, PRODUCTION DATA IN LINE WITH EXPECTATIONS
*YELLEN SAYS LABOR MARKET CONTINUES TO IMPROVE
*YELLEN SAYS FINANCIAL CONDITIONS CONSISTENT WITH FOMC AIMS
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC EXPECTS INFLATION TO MOVE GRADUALLY TOWARD 2%
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC TO ENSURE POLICY CONSISTENT WITH DUAL MANDATE
*YELLEN REITERATES FED ASSETS TO CONTINUE TO EXPAND
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC DECISION CONSISTENT WITH PRIOR STATEMENTS
*YELLEN REITERATES QE IS `NOT ON A PRESET COURSE'
*YELLEN REITERATES QE FUTURE HINGES ON PERFORMANCE OF ECONOMY
*YELLEN SAYS LABOR MARKET IMPROVEMENT FASTER THAN ANTICIPATED
*YELLEN SAYS FED GUIDANCE BETTER REFLECTS CURRENT CONDITIONS
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC TO BASE ASSESSMENT ON WIDE RANGE OF DATA
*YELLEN SAYS RATE LIKELY TO STAY LOW FOR LONG AFTER QE ENDS
*YELLEN: FOMC WILL TAKE `BALANCED APPROACH' ON MANDATES ON EXIT
*YELLEN SAYS MANY ON FOMC SEE `RESIDUAL IMPACT' OF CRISIS
*YELLEN SAYS MUCH NEEDS TO BE DONE ON JOBS, INFLATION
*YELLEN REITERATES NEED FOR `HIGHLY ACCOMMODATIVE POLICY'
*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS BEEN EFFECTIVE
*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS `VERY USEFUL IMPACT'
*YELLEN SAYS GUIDANCE CHANGE WILL PROVIDE MORE INFORMATION
*YELLEN SAYS GUIDANCE WILL BE QUALITATIVE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC `NOT CLOSE' TO ACHIEVING FULL EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN: FOMC TO LOOK AT `MANY MORE THINGS' THAN JOBLESS RATE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC FULLY COMMITTED TO 2% INFLATION OBJECTIVE
*YELLEN SAYS INFLATION LIKELY TO GRADUALLY MOVE TOWARD 2%
*YELLEN: FOMC ASSESSMENT OF ECONOMY ALMOST IDENTICAL TO DECEMBER
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC STATEMENT PRIMARY FORM OF GUIDANCE
*YELLEN REITERATES NEXT FALL LIKELY TIME FOR ENDING QE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC FORECAST `DOTS' WILL FLUCTUATE
*YELLEN SEES NEED NOT TO READ TOO MUCH INTO FOMC FORECAST `DOTS'
*YELLEN SEES POSSIBILITY FOR `SHALLOWER GLIDE PATH' FOR RATE
*YELLEN SAYS GROWTH HAS BEEN DISAPPOINTING FOR MANY YEARS
*YELLEN SAYS MANY FOMC PARTICIPANTS SEE HEADWINDS FROM CRISIS
*YELLEN: UNDERWATER MORTGAGES, FISCAL POLICY GROWTH OBSTACLES
*YELLEN SAYS PATH TO `NORMAL' INTEREST RATES MAY BE GRADUAL
*YELLEN SAYS WEATHER HAS WEAKENED ECONOMY IN FIRST QUARTER
*YELLEN SAYS MOST ON FOMC SEE WEATHER WEAKNESS DISSIPATING
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC PROBABLY `OVER-DID' OPTIMISM IN JANUARY
*YELLEN SAYS `THE BUCK STOPS WITH ME' ON POLICY
*YELLEN SAYS SHE `KEENLY' FEELS `WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY'
*YELLEN SEES NO `RADICAL CHANGES' IN FED OPERATIONS
*YELLEN: FOMC HASN'T FACED TRADE-OFF ON INFLATION, EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN:FOMC EVENTUALLY MAY FACE TRADE-OFF ON PRICES, EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN:SEES CONSIDERABLE PERIOD BETWEEN QE END, FIRST RATE RISE
*YELLEN SAYS FIRST MAIN RATE INCREASE WILL HINGE ON ECONOMY
*YELLEN SAYS INFLATION CONSISTENTLY BELOW 2% WARRANTS LOW RATE
*YELLEN SAYS QE TAPER DEPENDS ON IMPROVEMENT IN LABOR MARKET
*YELLEN: QE TAPER NEEDS EVIDENCE INFLATION MOVING UP `OVER TIME'
*YELLEN REITERATES SHE LOOKS AT SEVERAL GAUGES OF LABOR MARKET
*YELLEN SAYS LONG TERM UNEMPLOYMENT BEEN `EXCEPTIONALLY HIGH'
*YELLEN SEES CYCLICAL COMPONENT IN FALLING LABOR PARTICIPATION
*YELLEN SAYS SHE ALSO TRACKS LABOR MARKET TURNOVER
*YELLEN SAYS `QUIT RATES' BELOW PRE-RECESSION LEVEL
*YELLEN SAYS HIRES RATE IN LABOR MARKET IS EXTREMELY DEPRESSED
*YELLEN SAYS `HIRES RATE' ALSO `EXTREMELY DEPRESSED'
*YELLEN SAYS WAGE GROWTH HAS BEEN VERY LOW
*YELLEN SAYS WAGE INFLATION BELOW NORMAL AT 2%
*YELLEN SAYS U.S. `LIVED THROUGH A DEVASTATING FINANCIAL CRISIS'
*YELLEN SAYS CRISIS TOOK A HIGH TOLL ON U.S. CITIZENS
*YELLEN SAYS CRISIS MADE BUSINESSES VERY CAUTIOUS
*YELLEN SAYS FISCAL POLICY HAS POSED HEADWIND TO RECOVERY
*YELLEN SAYS FED WILL TRY TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY ON POLICY
*YELLEN SAYS RECOVERY HAS BEEN `DISAPPOINTING'
*YELLEN SAYS FED WILL TRY TO BE STEADY, TRANSPARENT ON POLICY
*YELLEN: FED WILL TRY NOT TO BE CAUSE OF MARKET INSTABILITY
*YELLEN SAYS RATE OF HOUSEHOLD FORMATION BEEN `VERY DEPRESSED'
*YELLEN EXPECTS HOUSING ACTIVITY TO PICK UP `LATER ON'
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC `COMMITTED TO THE SAME SET OF GOALS'
*YELLEN SAYS STRENGTHENING FINANCIAL SYSTEM WORK IN PROGRESS
*YELLEN SAYS `HIGH PRIORITY' TO RESOLVE `TOO BIG TO FAIL'
*YELLEN SAYS IMPORTANT TO ASSESS ANY POTENTIAL STABILITY THREATS
*YELLEN SAYS BERNANKE HAD GOOD AGENDA, IT'S ONE SHE SHARES
*YELLEN SAYS SHE SHARES AGENDA PURSUED BY BERNANKE
*YELLEN SAYS DIRECT BANKING LINKS TO RUSSIA, UKRAINE NOT LARGE
*YELLEN SAYS FED MONITORING VERY CLOSELY UKRAINE CRISIS
*YELLEN DOESN'T SEE GLOBAL FINANCIAL REPURCUSSIONS FROM UKRAINE
*YELLEN NOT SEEING BROADER GLOBAL FINANCIAL IMPACT OF UKRAINE

 

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Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:33 | 4569093 Seeking Beta
Seeking Beta's picture

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:35 | 4569106 barliman
barliman's picture

 

The ChairSatan is dead!

Long live the ChairYenta!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:36 | 4569112 General Decline
General Decline's picture

Bernake looks like an MK Ultra victim in that photo

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:38 | 4569129 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Bernanke looks like an MK Ultra victim because Bernanke is an MK Ultra victim.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569137 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Yellen = incoherent blather.  With every second sentence being a lie, she probably feels bad.  You know.... woman thing.

No worries though... give her some time and she'll become a full fledged pathological liar and banksta sociopath soon enough.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:47 | 4569181 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Amazingly she says there has been a full recovery.

We endured the deepest recession since the Great Depression.

She has taken ownership of what is about to unfold.  She will be hit with a financial crisis, and soon.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4569198 bania
bania's picture

apologies to everyone, bought gold yesterday, and didn't mention it. as gold gets smashed everytime i buy, i figure i should do the zh community this service.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:01 | 4569249 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

So... it was you!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569269 I Am Not a Copp...
I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

Yeah I bought a couple ounces myself.  My bad.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:53 | 4569678 BC6
BC6's picture

Don't buy any gold on the 22nd b/c I'll be adding a few ounces that day.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:03 | 4569709 BringOnTheAsteroid
BringOnTheAsteroid's picture

Can someone tell this dusty cunt to shut the fuck up.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:34 | 4569789 drdolittle
drdolittle's picture

I didn't buy s and p puts last week. Sorry, I could have protected us all.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 23:31 | 4570910 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

All she has to do is grow a beard. Shouldn't be too difficult.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:28 | 4569346 lordylord
lordylord's picture

CENTRAL PLANNING GOES AGAINST THE VERY ESSENCE OF LIBERTY.  END THE FED!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:30 | 4569601 1000 splendid suns
1000 splendid suns's picture

From a forest through the trees look at this situation, eg. read from a libertarian history book of the future, this would be the opportunity where the citizens would rise up and rout out this evil entity. Why it continues to exist is a sad state of humanity. I've tried waking others to its heinousness, but only receive 'meh' in return. I find myself laughing, like the very first comment to this article.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:00 | 4569686 lordylord
lordylord's picture

Like my good friend Henry David Thoreau says, "We are underbred and low-lived and illiterate; and in this respect I confess I do not make any very broad distinction between the illiterateness of my townsman who cannot read at all and the illiterateness of him who has learned to read only what is for children and feeble intellects.”

 

It is a waste of time to talk to the people you refer to.  Reasoning with them does not work.  Not only are they ignorant, they are willfully ignorant.

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 13:23 | 4573231 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Mind if I paste that to my whiteboard...?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:37 | 4569623 SunRise
SunRise's picture

and against simple common sense.  Who among us knows even how many dust particles currently cling to our shoes?  The arrogance of assuming anyone or ones can "manage" an economy.  Wave a baton in front of an elephant - SEE THERE - Told ya I'm in control!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:49 | 4569665 lordylord
lordylord's picture

It's also immoral to print money.  Inflation is the most devious tax.  

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:53 | 4569681 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

wow...quite a screed.

I hope its not always so frantic...or could it get worse ?

How about when the other FEDs speak up ?   Will there be a screed melt-down ?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:34 | 4569363 brak
brak's picture

of course it was Bania - "That's gold, Jerry! Gold!!!"

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:13 | 4569296 orez65
orez65's picture

"... gold gets smashed everytime i buy ..."

Mr. Bania, you are no match for my wife because she also picks the silver highs to buy!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:20 | 4569319 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

:-)

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:17 | 4569549 PT
PT's picture

Well, if you know its going yto happen then you should buy a little and then buy some more.
Or sell some and then buy it back again.

 

:P 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:30 | 4569600 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

I bought copper. Enough said?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:02 | 4569913 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Shhhhh! If you inform us of your purchases as a way to warn us that gold will fall in price, they will charge us all with "insider trading" or something. That is, unless they are still busy with the MFGlobal and Corzine "investigation."

 

"I saw Corzine in my toilet bowl this morning."

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:58 | 4569237 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

I'm not sure she has taken ownership of anything, in contrast it it Yellen that is owned.

Anyone find it odd that Reuters would need to make almost 100 updates to the Fed release? It's like they ate desperate to manage expectations or something...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:05 | 4569242 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Can we deduce that if she thinks that the recession that started in '08 is over that she is taking over with a clean slate?  If so, then isn't the onus for economic prosperity on her policy, not Bernanke?

Listen to the first few minutes of her testimony to Congress.  She says the recession is over.

Yellin Testifies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5A_6y0Wz0r4

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:08 | 4569279 BlackChicken
BlackChicken's picture

To some degree yes, but she is still a scapegoat for what is coming. The slate isn't clean, and the Fed is scrambling to keep a lid on the markets.

She is just the new carnival barker for the freak show.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:31 | 4569353 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

We agree then.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:34 | 4569362 lordylord
lordylord's picture

Government will never want to admit central planning destroyed the economy.  Something will happen which will serve as an excuse when it all falls apart.  My guess is a big "natural" disaster, a big terrorist attack, or another war (possibly WWIII). 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569274 Z_End
Z_End's picture

She is going to be the Fall Girl...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:37 | 4569374 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

 

 

 

I thought you said she was going to be the FAT Girl.....

My bad, Fail Girl

 

oh, Fall Girl

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:31 | 4569603 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

She'll never be a Bond girl.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:52 | 4569880 KnightTakesKing
KnightTakesKing's picture

Au contraire. She sells lots of bonds. That's the problem -- she's one hellava Bond girl.

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 00:09 | 4571051 franciscopendergrass
franciscopendergrass's picture

Her bond girl name is Fiat Galore.

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 01:45 | 4571278 JethroBodien
JethroBodien's picture

Stop being a pussy...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:48 | 4569184 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

With every second sentence being a lie, she probably feels bad.  You know.... woman thing.

A Chairthing with a conscience?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:45 | 4570015 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

"A Chairthing with a conscience?"

Dude, ya gotta' understand--that conscience thing was surgically removed four promotions ago for the lad.

Mr. Yellin, I'm talkin' about.

and all of the other crowd gathering up toward the next blessed coronation

- Ne

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4569201 Rainman
Rainman's picture

She be gettin the botox and be the banksta's sexiest bagman since .... forever !

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:40 | 4569636 Town Crier
Town Crier's picture

Google some of her high school photos. Seriously a major babe.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:38 | 4569815 drdolittle
drdolittle's picture

Don't know about major babe but tolerable. The years have not been kind to her whereas I've gotten better looking. Mainly because of the size of the bulge in my pocket. My back pocket.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:00 | 4569243 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!        I'M GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES ALL NIGHT FROM SEEIN G THOSE ... THINGS...   FUCKKKK!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:20 | 4569318 Conax
Conax's picture

I stopped after the first two.

Monitors don't grow on trees.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:40 | 4569387 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

I stopped after one; a man gotsta know his limitations.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:49 | 4569430 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

CHRIST!!  The first one actually startled me!

*shudder!*

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:53 | 4570224 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

Yellen is a Grandma!

She likes to speak to kids...!

Runaway!!!!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:31 | 4569355 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

Is Halfbright modeling her look after Gollum?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:58 | 4569236 tempo
tempo's picture

Yellen, recommended leader for next lesbian seal 6 team.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:10 | 4569283 furgheddubouddit
furgheddubouddit's picture

*YELLEN SAYS FISCAL POLICY HAS POSED HEADWIND TO RECOVERY

WTF?? REALLY?

Running trillion dollar deficits year after year was too restrictive for the economy??

What would you prefer then Ms Yellen? 2 trillion? Perhaps 3?

INSANE.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:21 | 4569326 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Dang.  I was hoping she would talk about how Fed policies have slathered trillions on the uber-wealthy.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:56 | 4569469 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

Yellen is Saruman to Fischer's Sauron.

 

Are you frightened?

 

Not nearly frightened enough.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:45 | 4569650 masterinchancery
masterinchancery's picture

You forgot narcissist and psychopath!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:48 | 4569663 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Yeah!  I bet Larry "Golden" S(l)umm(b)ers would have jaw-boned this lipstick on a pig market up at least 200 points, that bitch.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:43 | 4569159 dow jones 20000
dow jones 20000's picture

he looks too alive and not buried in an unmarked grave to be an MKUltra victim/test subject

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:33 | 4569983 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

No longer is MKUltra test.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:05 | 4570081 logicalman
logicalman's picture

He looks like the definition of the word 'smug'.

If ever there was a face that needed to meet a fast moving fist, that is it.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:37 | 4569117 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

his new price is a damn deal

it cost the country way more than that to have him before

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569141 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

The US (and world) econo-ponzi is all in Belgiums hands now...time for Belgium to double and quadruple their holdings as the Fed backs out...seems totally reasonable they are their banking ilk will step up.  Otherwise interest rates spike and calamity follows...what game is the Fed playing ("want to play a game of thermo-nuclear war")?

btw...

BANKING CENTERS holdings of US Treasury debt

'00             '08             '14
"Carribean banking centers"
$ 35 B ---> $68 B ---> $291 B
Switzerland $18 B> $34 B ---> $175 B
HK $39 B ---> $52 B ---> $159 B
Singapore $30 B-> $30 B ---> $86 B
Ireland $5 B ---> $19 B ---> $125 B
Belgium $28 B --> $13 B ---> $310 B
Luxemburg $60 B --> $134 B
TOTAL $160 B....... $1277 (800% increase)

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:52 | 4569208 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

HOLYSHIT!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:50 | 4569435 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

The principality of RafterMan actually bought 80 billion last week; you cannot believe how easy it is. All you need is a PO box, and they loan you the fiat to buy the bonds.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:26 | 4569580 PT
PT's picture

They even lend you the fiat to make repayments on the fiat you borrowed ...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:58 | 4569234 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

At least none of those places actually owns anything the Fed bought and stuffed in an account over with them.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:23 | 4569281 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

only fucking question I have...with Fed tapering (assuming to zero), who will buy all the $12 T + public debt and at what rates???

Only 3 categories ; Domestic, Fed, and Foreigners

Fed sez they are tapering to zero

Domestics have added a net zero since '00...these are states, pensions, insurers, etc. who cannot afford to buy bonds yielding 2.5% for 10yrs and meet their 8% assumptions...plus they are record levered into the market which they'd have to sell in order to buy Treasury's

So, it's all up to "foreigners" to maintain their $5.5 T in notes/bonds and speed up their purchases despite smaller US trade and budget deficits....anybody else see a problem with this story...factor in the following and try to determine what the fuck the Fed is trying to acheive???

Jan '00 -      '07 -          Dec '13

$1 T  --->  $1.6 T ---> $5.6 T (cumulative "foreign" held US Treasury debt)

25% --->     40% --->    55%  (% of notes / bonds held by "foreigners")

1%  --->      1%  --->     25%  (% Fed held notes / bonds...Fed primarily held Bills until '08)

74% --->     59% --->    20%  (% domestically held notes / bonds)

180% --->   130% --->  247% (% public vs. intra-gov debt)

350% increase                         (public outstanding debt, $3.5 T to $12.4 T)

250% increase                         (intra-gov debt, $2 T to $5 T)

6.6% --->    5%    --->   2.4% (net interest rate on debt)

$300B ->  $270B ---> $223B (net interest paid on national debt)

Is the Fed trying to highlight to everyone what a farce this is in order to crash the dollar and the system???  I have no comprehension what the Fed is attempting to do via creating unsustainable debt @ anything but zero rates w/ QE and then tapering absent creating the capability to pay for all that debt @ anything with anything but QE???

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:29 | 4569351 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

One word: Belgium

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:53 | 4569447 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

So, "foreigners" act irrationally (w/out profit motive) in buying ever more US debt @ ever lower rates but US domestic sources act rationally by avoiding it to invest in higher yielding stuff...and this bizarro world where because one is a "foreigner" he loves US debt while US sources avoid it for the shit it is...and this makes sense???

Cue Mugatu

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llgY3VBwTAo

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:02 | 4569491 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

You're trying to read rationality and reason into a sham - a farce - a gigantic fucking lie, maintained by convoluted, bullshit reporting, constant baldfaced lies from our trusted officials and complicit media acquiescence to not point out the fucking elephant in the room.  It will only make you crazy trying to reconcile reports to reality.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:03 | 4569499 Ham-bone
Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:58 | 4569698 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Will Farrell sucks as a comedian.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:38 | 4569997 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Wait, what?  Farrell is a comedian... shouldn't he try to be funny in that case?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 23:18 | 4569938 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:48 | 4569425 Clycntct
Clycntct's picture

Man you paint some UUUgly pictures.

Good stuff!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:53 | 4569449 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Who will? You will!

With the new MyBond program, 1/4 of your income will be withheld to buy new Patriot Bonds!

Only by buying such bonds can Evil Zombie Osama be kept at bay!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:13 | 4569497 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

that debt is never, ever going to be repaid. the proper query is just who will be robbed via bailins, and who will be fucked in terms of haircuts and outright exclusions.

Reports on the death of the dollar have been greatly exaggerated.  It is inevitable, but it is not soon.  Too much rides on it for the MIC, alphabet agencies, etc.. Banksters aren't the only forces of darkness in the world, and in any event only a subset of them want to move swiftly to a global currency {or equivalent} largely managed/controlled by a small number of people.

I would say, don't think dollar "crash" think IMF riot on the US...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:08 | 4569519 HpDeskjet
HpDeskjet's picture

Who will buy? People that were "forced" into risky assets under QE... The fair value of the S&P (shiller pe) is about 45% lower than todays levels. For stocks to become cheap they have to go down about 70%. Same holds for HY, MBS, IG credit, Real estate, Commodities etc. Etc. All current valuations are fake except bonds... With nominal growth around 3%, a 2,75 interest rate is "ok"

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:40 | 4569639 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Is the Fed trying to highlight to everyone what a farce this is in order to crash the dollar and the system???

 

Probably just the opposite, they will hope most won't pay attention and for those that do the purchases by foreign governments will give the illusion of continued confidence in the dollar.  I wouldn't doubt that there's some kind of custodial agreement where the foreign gov takes possesion and in return gets a percentage of the interest but in reality the debt still belongs to the Fed.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:54 | 4569786 Ham-bone
Ham-bone's picture

Just cause this isn't likely fucked up enough as is...there's this...

After the St. Louis Fed Monetary base showed growth all '13 of about $100 B a month...the money creation stalled starting in November and going flat in December.  As of January it's back on it's previous $85 B mo QE fueled glide path but QE was down to $65 B ($55 B now)... surprise, surprise, in Jan the base grew by over a $100 B again...where'd that come from???

http://research.stlouisfed.org/fred2/series/AMBNS

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:01 | 4569908 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Guess it was the only way to let Ben got out on a high note.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:10 | 4569528 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

There are two kinds of people I can't stand.

Those who are intolerant of other cultures, and the Belgians.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:42 | 4569647 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

In the world, there are two kinds of people.  Those who rhetorically divide all people into two groups, and those who don't.

And the Belgians.

Three kinds of people.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:13 | 4569534 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

duplicitous.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:29 | 4569349 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

If you cannot trust an affirmative action bag bag-holder with a soup-bowl hair cut, who can you trust?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:12 | 4569535 Tim_
Tim_'s picture

Obama to nominate Jewish economist Janet Yellen as new Fed chief

"Yellen was born in Brooklyn, New York, the daughter of Anna (née Blumenthal) and Julius Yellen, a doctor."


Janet Yellen's Faith Slips Under the Radar As Gender Takes Over

"Janet Yellen is soft-spoken, tough, methodological, flexible — and Jewish."

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:39 | 4569120 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

Dumping fed targets...

(like a boss)

Vague guidance, no explanations...

(like a boss)

OSHIT moment, walking backwards....

(2% down...)

Head hung, got rejected..... get the Hagan Das...

(see ya next time, Yellen)

Fuck that logic, slam the VIX, read The Journal of American Economics...

Like a Boss.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:59 | 4569241 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

Enter to win a dream date with yellen!

 

Imagine showing up for a blind date and seeing "that"???

Im not sure if I would ,shit ,fart,run,or lock and load.....

Ugly stick my ass...A whole fucking ugly FOREST fell on that!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:39 | 4569380 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:00 | 4569703 Philalethian
Philalethian's picture

"We must view with profound respect the infinite capacity of the human mind to resist the inroads of useful knowledge."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r21qoeR3_wM

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4569095 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Not even a little!!!!

DaddyO

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4569096 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Now youre in my house biatch

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4569097 earnyermoney
earnyermoney's picture

Fuck Off, Bernanke

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4569100 rlouis
rlouis's picture

No.  End the Fed. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4569101 Sterling Rod
Sterling Rod's picture

I know that look.  I can't see his hands.  I have had that look.  Oh yeeaaahhhhhh.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:56 | 4569227 Rainman
Rainman's picture

maybe he's not using his hands. maybe Larry is down there.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:38 | 4569103 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

This fucker is doing some roadshow of sorts. Maybe its worth paying 150 bucks to throw some monopoly money (and a shoe) at him.

 

8 Years of Crisis Management at the Federal Reserve and the Way Forward

Key topics Dr. Bernanke will address in the Q & A session:

- The Federal Reserve's response to the U.S. housing crisis, the global financial crisis and subsequent economic downturn
- The aftermath of the global financial and economic crisis and the progress towards a more sustainable fiscal environment
- The Federal Reserve's use of conventional and unconventional monetary tools since the crisis
- The prospects for long-term U.S. economic growth and key risks going forward

Presenting Partner: RBC Capital Markets
Sponsors: BNP Paribas & AGF Financial

SPEAKER:

Dr. Ben S. Bernanke - Former Chairman of the Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System

$150 per person.
Tables of 10 available.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:42 | 4569148 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies, it's Brother Ben's Traveling Keynesian Shit-Show.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:19 | 4569316 infinity8
infinity8's picture

I would pay to wipe that look off his face with my shoes. A ZH field trip to that end would be fun, no? Let's all get together on this.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:35 | 4569105 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

fuck you Bernanke...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:17 | 4569313 BandGap
BandGap's picture

The theme from The Bennie Hill Show keeps running through my head

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 21:01 | 4570254 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

This will not end well ...

YELL !!!!!!!

Poor Hilsner rat

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:35 | 4569108 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

At least the Bernanke trims his bush...I mean beard, sorry, beard

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:31 | 4570103 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

No, I was saying that Yellen doesn't shave her bush. I hate to even have to type this, but you asked...Although, I've no personal experience of that matter.

"You will run your cunt mouth at me, and I will take it to play poker"!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:35 | 4569109 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Anyome else spend the last 20 mins btfd?

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:00 | 4569245 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

that's a dip?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:28 | 4569347 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

No fonz, looks like its just you and Doc that got the balls to.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:10 | 4569527 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The mothership never actually takes off.  This is a hard lesson to learn.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:57 | 4570056 Blano
Blano's picture

I did.  Y'all have been warned.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:35 | 4569110 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Obama's on top of the White House firing up the Ben-Signal.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:37 | 4569118 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

If she was nervous, she should have thrown up. That would have broken the ice better. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:00 | 4569900 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Gaga would be pissed.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:37 | 4569122 dcohen
dcohen's picture

F bastard

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:37 | 4569125 youngman
youngman's picture

Yellen seems to have the next two years all planned out....I hope the economy follows thru with here Ideas...I doubt it will....with Obamacare and all the new regulations and minimum wage increases....its going to be very slow going if not stopping...quiting..going out of business

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:42 | 4569153 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

You're about as coherent as she was.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:15 | 4569302 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Dude, you just don't listen !

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:58 | 4570060 Blano
Blano's picture

I understood him.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:38 | 4569132 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

honeybadger finishes in the green. as usual.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:54 | 4569217 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Honeybadger doesn't give a shit about market metrics.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:39 | 4569134 KenShabby
KenShabby's picture

There is a special in hell for cock suckers like The Beard and the rest of the fuckheads.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:39 | 4569135 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

That pic of Ben is something only a swing of a baseball bat would love.

 

FUCK YOU BEN YOU COCKROACH!!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:41 | 4569136 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

<---- Bernanke to go down in history as saving the financial system

<---- Bernanke to be justly remembered as a banker apologist

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:55 | 4569222 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Sadly, the answer will be BOTH!

Depending on which history book you care to read.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:06 | 4569268 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Depending on how much gold one owns.  I get it.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569273 StupidEarthlings
StupidEarthlings's picture

I voted for number 2, but this is bizzaro world.. so I wouldn't be surprised if they peortray him as the man who saved the system.. then   Ol' yeller came in an ruined it.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:40 | 4569144 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

Seems like everything went off without a hitch to me??

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:41 | 4569146 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Hey is Ukraine still in the news or is it the weekend yet?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:48 | 4569185 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Nothing to see here (*cough* Fed lowers GDP *cough*) hey, the NCAA tourney starts tomorrow.  We're good.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569271 infinity8
infinity8's picture

That's right *hic* - March MADNESS and beer pong *hic* as far as the eye can see! *hic* Started Monday w/Paddy's day *hic*. I feel great!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4569211 Ban KKiller
Ban KKiller's picture

Except the Chinese pigs committed suicide over her press show. 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/03/19/china-pigs-pollution-idUSL3N0M...

Coincidence? Perhaps...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:42 | 4569150 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Hilse...MOAR WORDS...stat.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:42 | 4569152 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Mrs Debtfire sucks at her job - totally clueless.  The market managers are going to be begging for Ben to come back by the next disastrous call with Ol' Yellen.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:12 | 4569290 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Al: Depends how you look at it. Gold/silver took a massive dump today. She's probably not sorry about that. And the CAD shit the bed since yesterday when Fartherty resigned... ironically the day before Mr. Yellen speaks. Nothing shows more stability than a country's Finance Minister resigning the DAY BEFORE the old hag Yellen speaks. Maybe I read too much into it, eh?

Since we buy product from the US, I guess we'll just have to wait for a more favourable exchange rate before paying previous bills, and we'll certainly consider outsourcing to other countries for materials and start negoatiating direct currency exchanges rather than using the worthless FRN's as a middleman.

We're a small business that's a fart in the wind. But if I can find like minded people/business anywhere else that will trade with me on ANY OTHER platform than the USD you can bet your ass I will do business with that person/company. At this point I'll even barter for live chickens rather than watch the continuing saga of Gov/Bankster/MSM detroy what I have left.

Good luck, Mr. Yellen... you'll fucking need it!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:05 | 4569508 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

That's the only thing that went right for her, and I don't think it was her doing, just the usual suspects using her twatty incompetence as an excuse to flush the market (and after that charming faux breakout a couple of days ago - these cunts are real artists).  Mark my words, by the end of her term, she won't be able to stand on a podium without getting booed off the stage and pelted with rotting fruit and animal carcasses.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:37 | 4569995 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Al: I'm so fucking far beyond caring what happens in the world of worthless fiat currency and their Wall Street minions. I only poke my head up to (that German word that I can't spell), schaden...something so I can justify why I am no longer a part of the human race as I watch my fellow beings destroy themselves.

I could care less what Mr. Yellen says or anyone of their ilk. I'm outta their game and not playing anymore. Haven't been for about 14 years now. I own nothing. Nothing is my name. Mr. Yellen cannot steal from me. Mr. Yellen does not know I exist.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:02 | 4569155 evernewecon
evernewecon's picture

 

 

With those honoraria will he be waiting

(wantingly) for the market to trump Yellen?

Will he be waiting for the artificial bubbles

to do something less artificial?

Will he be waiting with those who SOLD 

the mortgage bubble for real prices

(NOT reflective of bank assets likely sustained higher)

just like Indians and Chinese are paying

real prices for gold (which have been higher

for physical, there, than for beneficial ownership

here?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:42 | 4569156 Wookie
Wookie's picture

Looks like he's taking a dump...........

All over us again.......

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:43 | 4569158 kevinearick
kevinearick's picture

Expert Egocentric Systems:  PeerReview, PsychoPaths & NonPersons

Peer pressure job certification and employment credit compliance checks, with prosecution of the individual for system error, guarantees corruption, which is what you see everywhere in the system, normalization of extortion as a jobs program.

Economic mobility is zero, all the Fed can do is print RE inflation, and all Congress can do is feed it with make-work jobs, which is why the so-subsidized consumers are experiencing a dramatic loss of purchasing power; their bills are going up faster than their paychecks, pensions, and property income. Executive Order is no accident.

Imprisoned in its own gravity, the middle class can only replace itself now, from the bottom up, with software automation, and proprietary software is the more tyrannical of the two, because it has no conscience. The consuming majority always clamors for equal rights, without the responsibility, something for nothing, and seeks a scapegoat for the outcome, which can only be the producer.

The majority, consumed by itself, cannot rear children, the future, which is why it commandeers those from producers, choking itself on the resulting misallocation of resources, debt as GDP.

I don’t take this nonsense personally, and neither should you. Constitutions are designed to protect the majorities from themselves, and they always short-circuit the process, with a best as enemy of better mentality, addition by subtraction, driving production out of the economy on a scale of diminishing return, and replacing it with a make-work productivity measure.

A public education system that cuts the top end off and places it the bottom for non-compliance, with a Bell Curve, to cut it off again, replicated by bankrupt public, private and non-profit corporations, to maintain the status quo, is the problem. The ability of accrual accounting to hide actuarial reality has hit the wall because the 35 and under crowd has stopped having children, viewing them as a liability. The drums of war are just a symptom.

Do you ever wonder why people in cars run over motorcycles like they don’t even exist? Under majority rule, no one in the majority is responsible because its behavior is considered normal.

That governments are cathouses should be of no surprise, “I’m not one of those as can see the cat in the dairy, and wonder what she’s come after.” “No matter how much the cats fight, there always seems to be plenty of kittens.” The Global City Imperative, exchanging natural resources for empty promises, economic slavery as best business practice, is a one-way migration to the graveyard of empire.

If you have a choice between 20 experts in a room, or embedded in a software program, or a child, you are better off listening to the child. Public Education talks and does nothing, until it’s too late, when it forms a consensus around an expert opinion, built upon a foundation of false assumptions, from the past.

Given the quantum distribution of dimensions, what is the false assumption embedded in the speed of light as a limit? If GDP is debt, what does the debt to GDP metric measure? What is asymmetric war? Why is Boeing, and all the rest of the crap control technology, an ‘accident’ waiting to happen?

You might want to think, about who is being set up to lose, before you run off to war, I mean work. The majority bemoans the media producer, but shoots at the economic producer, believing its own lie, that make-work is work, rebuilding the bankrupt city over and over again, pretending it’s a community.

That we are all best served if children are nourished, in mind, body and spirit, should not require a PhD certification process. You might want to re-think education, before you find yourself at war, looking at yourself in a mirror placed there by the media for the purpose. Another manufactured crisis is not the answer.

Family Law is a declaration of war, and the majority lost a long time ago. If you care to look, you will see that Family Law jurisprudence already allows you to retire the debt necessary to reboot the economy, and you can accelerate the process by pulling down peer pressure certification. And you have a purely community interest in doing so.

Do what you want to do instead of what you need to do, but don’t expect labor to show up. Labor is not mathematically challenged by emotion. Dividing and conquering itself with exponential growth of arbitrary specialization is a peer pressure prerogative.

Manipulate supply and demand price all you like, with government ownership of debt booked as an asset, to inflate RE prices. Labor has better things to do.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:54 | 4569221 kurt
kurt's picture

Do you write for Dr. Bonner's Magic Soap?

Do need to make enough lines to push something to the next page?

"All-One!"

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:57 | 4569232 evernewecon
evernewecon's picture

 

 

If that's 

advocating fair treatment/risk, decision making

democratically grounded

process informed

not defined by pyramidal economics, with symptoms of control,

then works for me (if that's what that is, as I say.)

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569161 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

Damn, what a great shot and line.....

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569163 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Hang all the central bankers.  Simple!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:20 | 4569317 besnook
besnook's picture

you are an anti semite

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:27 | 4569344 Rainman
Rainman's picture

and a sexisst

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:33 | 4569361 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Yes to both until those guilty are brought to justice before the American people.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:29 | 4569345 Comte d'herblay
Comte d&#039;herblay's picture

def.   Semite..

 Semite is a member of any of various ancient and modern Semitic-speaking peoples originating in the Near East, including; Akkadians (Assyrians/Syriacs and Babylonians), Ahlamu, Amalekites, Ammonites, Amorites, Arameans, Chaldeans, Canaanites, Eblaites, Dilmunites, Hebrews(including Israelites), Edomites, Ethiopian Semites, Hyksos, Arabs, Nabateans, Maganites, Maltese, Mandaeans, Mhallami, Moabites, Phoenicians (including Carthaginians), Shebans, Sabians, Ubarites and Ugarites. It was proposed at first to refer to the languages related to Hebrew byLudwig Schlözer, in Eichhorn's "Repertorium", vol. VIII (Leipzig, 1781), p. 161. Through Eichhorn the name then came into general usage (cf. his "Einleitung in das Alte Testament" (Leipzig, 1787), I, p. 45). In his "Geschichte der neuen Sprachenkunde", pt. I (Göttingen, 1807) it had already become a fixed technical term.[2]

The word "Semitic" is derived from Shem, one of the three sons of Noah in Genesis.

How the Jews managed to hijack the word to apply only to them, speaks to the considerable, conspiratorial power they claim NOT to have.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569165 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

       The only thing I'd pay Bernanke for, is to fire/unload a nail gun in a 6 x 6 pitch black rubber room ... His family gets paid if he shoots himself.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4569199 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Yen: I do believe your imagination is more twisted than mine!

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:44 | 4569166 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

All she needed to add was, "Do you want to see my tits?"

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:09 | 4569282 SmallerGovNow2
SmallerGovNow2's picture

eeewwwwhhh!!!

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