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Summarizing Yellen's First (Disastrous) Press Conference

Tyler Durden's picture




 

"Miss me yet?"

"That will be $250,000 for the first 60 minutes, and $250,000 for every subsequent 60 minutes."

Why disastrous? Here is the statement that sent stocks reeling:

“So the language that we used in the statement is considerable period. So I, you know, this is the kind of term it’s hard to define. But, you know, probably means something on the order of around six months, that type of thing.”

Everything else was just Yellen rereading James Joyce's Ulysses. The key points from Bloomberg:

*YELLEN: CHANGE IN FED GUIDANCE IS NO CHANGE IN POLICY INTENT
*YELLEN SAYS SPENDING, PRODUCTION DATA IN LINE WITH EXPECTATIONS
*YELLEN SAYS LABOR MARKET CONTINUES TO IMPROVE
*YELLEN SAYS FINANCIAL CONDITIONS CONSISTENT WITH FOMC AIMS
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC EXPECTS INFLATION TO MOVE GRADUALLY TOWARD 2%
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC TO ENSURE POLICY CONSISTENT WITH DUAL MANDATE
*YELLEN REITERATES FED ASSETS TO CONTINUE TO EXPAND
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC DECISION CONSISTENT WITH PRIOR STATEMENTS
*YELLEN REITERATES QE IS `NOT ON A PRESET COURSE'
*YELLEN REITERATES QE FUTURE HINGES ON PERFORMANCE OF ECONOMY
*YELLEN SAYS LABOR MARKET IMPROVEMENT FASTER THAN ANTICIPATED
*YELLEN SAYS FED GUIDANCE BETTER REFLECTS CURRENT CONDITIONS
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC TO BASE ASSESSMENT ON WIDE RANGE OF DATA
*YELLEN SAYS RATE LIKELY TO STAY LOW FOR LONG AFTER QE ENDS
*YELLEN: FOMC WILL TAKE `BALANCED APPROACH' ON MANDATES ON EXIT
*YELLEN SAYS MANY ON FOMC SEE `RESIDUAL IMPACT' OF CRISIS
*YELLEN SAYS MUCH NEEDS TO BE DONE ON JOBS, INFLATION
*YELLEN REITERATES NEED FOR `HIGHLY ACCOMMODATIVE POLICY'
*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS BEEN EFFECTIVE
*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS `VERY USEFUL IMPACT'
*YELLEN SAYS GUIDANCE CHANGE WILL PROVIDE MORE INFORMATION
*YELLEN SAYS GUIDANCE WILL BE QUALITATIVE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC `NOT CLOSE' TO ACHIEVING FULL EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN: FOMC TO LOOK AT `MANY MORE THINGS' THAN JOBLESS RATE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC FULLY COMMITTED TO 2% INFLATION OBJECTIVE
*YELLEN SAYS INFLATION LIKELY TO GRADUALLY MOVE TOWARD 2%
*YELLEN: FOMC ASSESSMENT OF ECONOMY ALMOST IDENTICAL TO DECEMBER
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC STATEMENT PRIMARY FORM OF GUIDANCE
*YELLEN REITERATES NEXT FALL LIKELY TIME FOR ENDING QE
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC FORECAST `DOTS' WILL FLUCTUATE
*YELLEN SEES NEED NOT TO READ TOO MUCH INTO FOMC FORECAST `DOTS'
*YELLEN SEES POSSIBILITY FOR `SHALLOWER GLIDE PATH' FOR RATE
*YELLEN SAYS GROWTH HAS BEEN DISAPPOINTING FOR MANY YEARS
*YELLEN SAYS MANY FOMC PARTICIPANTS SEE HEADWINDS FROM CRISIS
*YELLEN: UNDERWATER MORTGAGES, FISCAL POLICY GROWTH OBSTACLES
*YELLEN SAYS PATH TO `NORMAL' INTEREST RATES MAY BE GRADUAL
*YELLEN SAYS WEATHER HAS WEAKENED ECONOMY IN FIRST QUARTER
*YELLEN SAYS MOST ON FOMC SEE WEATHER WEAKNESS DISSIPATING
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC PROBABLY `OVER-DID' OPTIMISM IN JANUARY
*YELLEN SAYS `THE BUCK STOPS WITH ME' ON POLICY
*YELLEN SAYS SHE `KEENLY' FEELS `WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY'
*YELLEN SEES NO `RADICAL CHANGES' IN FED OPERATIONS
*YELLEN: FOMC HASN'T FACED TRADE-OFF ON INFLATION, EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN:FOMC EVENTUALLY MAY FACE TRADE-OFF ON PRICES, EMPLOYMENT
*YELLEN:SEES CONSIDERABLE PERIOD BETWEEN QE END, FIRST RATE RISE
*YELLEN SAYS FIRST MAIN RATE INCREASE WILL HINGE ON ECONOMY
*YELLEN SAYS INFLATION CONSISTENTLY BELOW 2% WARRANTS LOW RATE
*YELLEN SAYS QE TAPER DEPENDS ON IMPROVEMENT IN LABOR MARKET
*YELLEN: QE TAPER NEEDS EVIDENCE INFLATION MOVING UP `OVER TIME'
*YELLEN REITERATES SHE LOOKS AT SEVERAL GAUGES OF LABOR MARKET
*YELLEN SAYS LONG TERM UNEMPLOYMENT BEEN `EXCEPTIONALLY HIGH'
*YELLEN SEES CYCLICAL COMPONENT IN FALLING LABOR PARTICIPATION
*YELLEN SAYS SHE ALSO TRACKS LABOR MARKET TURNOVER
*YELLEN SAYS `QUIT RATES' BELOW PRE-RECESSION LEVEL
*YELLEN SAYS HIRES RATE IN LABOR MARKET IS EXTREMELY DEPRESSED
*YELLEN SAYS `HIRES RATE' ALSO `EXTREMELY DEPRESSED'
*YELLEN SAYS WAGE GROWTH HAS BEEN VERY LOW
*YELLEN SAYS WAGE INFLATION BELOW NORMAL AT 2%
*YELLEN SAYS U.S. `LIVED THROUGH A DEVASTATING FINANCIAL CRISIS'
*YELLEN SAYS CRISIS TOOK A HIGH TOLL ON U.S. CITIZENS
*YELLEN SAYS CRISIS MADE BUSINESSES VERY CAUTIOUS
*YELLEN SAYS FISCAL POLICY HAS POSED HEADWIND TO RECOVERY
*YELLEN SAYS FED WILL TRY TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY ON POLICY
*YELLEN SAYS RECOVERY HAS BEEN `DISAPPOINTING'
*YELLEN SAYS FED WILL TRY TO BE STEADY, TRANSPARENT ON POLICY
*YELLEN: FED WILL TRY NOT TO BE CAUSE OF MARKET INSTABILITY
*YELLEN SAYS RATE OF HOUSEHOLD FORMATION BEEN `VERY DEPRESSED'
*YELLEN EXPECTS HOUSING ACTIVITY TO PICK UP `LATER ON'
*YELLEN SAYS FOMC `COMMITTED TO THE SAME SET OF GOALS'
*YELLEN SAYS STRENGTHENING FINANCIAL SYSTEM WORK IN PROGRESS
*YELLEN SAYS `HIGH PRIORITY' TO RESOLVE `TOO BIG TO FAIL'
*YELLEN SAYS IMPORTANT TO ASSESS ANY POTENTIAL STABILITY THREATS
*YELLEN SAYS BERNANKE HAD GOOD AGENDA, IT'S ONE SHE SHARES
*YELLEN SAYS SHE SHARES AGENDA PURSUED BY BERNANKE
*YELLEN SAYS DIRECT BANKING LINKS TO RUSSIA, UKRAINE NOT LARGE
*YELLEN SAYS FED MONITORING VERY CLOSELY UKRAINE CRISIS
*YELLEN DOESN'T SEE GLOBAL FINANCIAL REPURCUSSIONS FROM UKRAINE
*YELLEN NOT SEEING BROADER GLOBAL FINANCIAL IMPACT OF UKRAINE

 

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Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:50 | 4569193 khakuda
khakuda's picture

Even the hint at raising rates from zero will cause the mother of all margin unwinds and asset drops.  The Fed made a deal with the devil and has been enjoying the benefits for over 5 years, but the price will have to be paid.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:28 | 4569586 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Indeed, ZIRP was a can kick with a limited lifespan.  That lifespan started dying out roughly around 4Q of 2012.  Movements around how petrol/other energy resources are paid for has hastened the death spiral.  I believe tapering is actually a move to try and counteract that death spiral, the USDX would be well south of 75 in the absence of it.  

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:50 | 4569194 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

six months? hahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:54 | 4569219 pies_lancuchowy
pies_lancuchowy's picture

open your eyes.. OPEN YOUR EYES..

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4569200 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Mrs Debtfire is a seat warmer. It's what most of those fed heads are.

Collecting their bankster welfare checks.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4569215 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Remember the vice chair who I'm sure really runs the show.

"Obama's pick for Fed vice chair -- the no. 2 in command at the Fed -- is Stanley Fischer, a former Bank of Israel chief. Fischer would succeed current Fed chair Janet Yellen, who the Senate recently confirmed to serve as the next head of the Fed starting next month."

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4569202 rainingFrogs
rainingFrogs's picture

Holy Shite.  10yr bond yields jump 10 basis points on Yellen's first ever comments! What a babbling can of incoherent sardines that speech was.  Yikes.  Glad to see the free world is once again in such capable hands.  What a maroon.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:52 | 4569205 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

I still waiting for Yellen to rip off the Yellen mask and for the real Fed Chairman to reveal themselves - Woody Allen.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4569214 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Yeah,  a Mission Imposible episode.    That explains things...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:01 | 4569251 headhunt
headhunt's picture

It would make sense, we are all getting F'd in this deal by Daddy Fed

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:52 | 4569206 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Everything else was just Yellen rereading James Joyce's Ulysses

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:52 | 4569207 pies_lancuchowy
pies_lancuchowy's picture

this may seem gross, but I do have dreams of Adolf standing up from his grave and doing the BanksterCaust

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4569210 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

"Miss me yet?"...

Hell No!  And judging from your protege it's just another day!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4569213 walküre
walküre's picture

Germany is interpreting Yellen's yapping as a new guidance on potentially sharp rising interest rates come January 2015. If that's the case, then cash will run out sooner. Layoffs will increase, defaults and restructuring becoming more apparent. There's not enough cash to lift all the boats, all the time. We will soon find out.

Deflation is the name of the new game.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:46 | 4569408 trader1
trader1's picture

which according to yellen's stick save comment that "if inflation remans considerable low and below target then that will mean we keep federal funds rate low for an even longer period of time"

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:54 | 4569218 One And Only
One And Only's picture

How hard is it to print money?

Juice this fucker.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:57 | 4569231 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

guy on phone: ya don't say...ya don't say....ya don't say...

overhearing it his friend asks: 'what'd he say'

'he didn't say'

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 15:59 | 4569239 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

I won't be a bit surprised to see the DOW 100+ tomorrow.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:24 | 4569764 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

dow and other indices always go up.  if there is a dip, buy it.  and they always go up double the down dip.  stocks ONLY go up.  it's a fact.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:01 | 4569250 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

as for employment.... our local cable company (COX) just did 'a bunch' of terminations. They bought employees in, in groups of 50...to watch a movie!!!...yep...fired by movie.

After 'break up by email or twitter' ya had to see this coming.

I suppose it is just to emotionally draining to fire all those people in person. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:03 | 4569257 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

It's a lot like Jerry Lewis from "Who's Minding the Store."

It just goes to show that the real action is going towards a new international model post dollar collapse, thanks to nit-wits like Ol' Yeller.

These creeps should be put at the bottom of the ocean.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:04 | 4569260 Squids_In
Squids_In's picture

You're in a big puddle of shit, Janet, and you don't have the shoes for it.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:08 | 4569262 Squids_In
Squids_In's picture

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:05 | 4569265 stevegee58
stevegee58's picture

Dammit Janet!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:34 | 4569365 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Slut.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:02 | 4570072 Blano
Blano's picture

I could use a time warp after this multi-year shit show.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 21:11 | 4570292 Karl von Bahnhof
Karl von Bahnhof's picture

Sheeez good! Sheeez good!
Speak some more, pleeeeez! Mrs. Charmwoman!

/strange noise from financial system rumbling in the background...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569270 john milton
john milton's picture

this is disaster, they are going to cut my clenbuterol dose and will make me pay more on it... i want the panacod ben back

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4569275 TheRideNeverEnds
TheRideNeverEnds's picture

she is just giving her masters time to buy more on the cheap with a dip before she increases QE and this market really starts going parabolic.  

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:56 | 4569690 LooseLee
LooseLee's picture

Hey SFB, I say she lowers interest paid on reserves before she incresases QE. I know it will be difficult for you, but what does your little PINKO COMMIE brain say?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:08 | 4569276 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Benny Bernanke is smiling because he off-loaded some hot, steamy and stinky stuff to Yellen. 

Yellen keeps flushing  but it keeps overflowing. She can't figure out what's wrong.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:13 | 4569294 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

I'm going to guess the Fed will decide that the press conferences don't enhance transparency and are henceforth cancelled.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:24 | 4569332 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

going down looking like a clown

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:57 | 4569695 LooseLee
LooseLee's picture

kinda like ThisRideNeverEnds...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:26 | 4569339 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

"Science is the belief in the ignorance of the experts" – Richard Feynman

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:29 | 4569350 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Do you ever get that funny feeling we are well fucked?

Funny then aint it?

We are.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:34 | 4569366 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

It must have been "womens troubles". So this means that with the FOMC meeting every 6 weeks, every other time she's going to be "up on the blocks" and making a fucking shitstorm with her incoherent, hormone-led blather.

Its an easy trade for the estrogen-tracking algos.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:22 | 4569758 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

you must be young.  she is well past menapause.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:36 | 4569373 zookeep
zookeep's picture

This aint no party!

This aint no disco!

This aint no foolin' around!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:37 | 4569376 BeerMe
BeerMe's picture

Blood in the streets.  Down 0.70%

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:41 | 4569390 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS BEEN EFFECTIVE
*YELLEN SAYS FORWARD GUIDANCE HAS `VERY USEFUL IMPACT'

 

Financial fraud has been effective and will be until financial truth comes out, as it always does.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:42 | 4569395 sparkydoodle
sparkydoodle's picture

YELLEN SAYS: ONE BRAZILIAN WAX PLEASE

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:43 | 4569398 trader1
trader1's picture

why is an italian guy who runs a central bank out of frankfurt a better english speaker and overall communicator than this american lady?

holy shit america.  i didn't know it was that bad.  

but, it's all going to work out.  

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:45 | 4569407 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS `HIGH PRIORITY' TO RESOLVE `TOO BIG TO FAIL'

 

If it was a high priority, it would have been solved already.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:46 | 4569411 PGR88
PGR88's picture

Don't insult James Joyce

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:48 | 4569421 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

just the way the market blackmails the fed chief into doing what they want. the fed chief may serve at the pleasure of the president but they wont last long without the market seal of approval (though bb did survive a nasty dip in 2008, he responded in grand wall street fashion, 1% si si 99% no no)

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:54 | 4569684 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

The drastic rate hikes that preceded the last crash were by design.  Bernanke didn't "survive" anything, he was following orders, and his masters specifically benefited, enormously.  

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:48 | 4569426 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN:SEES CONSIDERABLE PERIOD BETWEEN QE END, FIRST RATE RISE

 

Yellen sees considerable period of poor economy, continuing the tradition since 2008.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:50 | 4569434 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS U.S. `LIVED THROUGH A DEVASTATING FINANCIAL CRISIS'

 

U.S. still living a devastating financial crisis, except for Yellen's buddies.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:52 | 4569441 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS CRISIS TOOK A HIGH TOLL ON U.S. CITIZENS

 

Crisis taking high toll on U.S. citizens, except Yellen's buddies.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:53 | 4569452 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

No blood yet. Wait for Dow 16,023.

 

Regards,

Fibonacci

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:54 | 4569457 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS FISCAL POLICY HAS POSED HEADWIND TO RECOVERY

 

Fiscal policy has dug 6 trillion dollar deeper hole and counting.  Digging deeper holes does not lead to recovery

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:55 | 4569461 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

NYT - Ukraine To Pull All Its Forces Out Of Crimea, Concedes Defeat

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/20/world/europe/crimea.html?_r=0

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:56 | 4569466 Seer
Seer's picture

Defeat?  There was a war?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:01 | 4569487 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

The Queen is working very hard to weaken the United States for the greater good.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:04 | 4570079 Blano
Blano's picture

A damn civil one, all things considered.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:55 | 4569462 Seer
Seer's picture

Have to admit it, The Bernank was a lot prettier than Old Yellen (has anyone ever even seen her smile?).

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 16:58 | 4569476 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN: FED WILL TRY NOT TO BE CAUSE OF MARKET INSTABILITY

 

FED is cause of market instability.  A 30% rise due to FED QE, is inherently unstable.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:00 | 4569481 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS IMPORTANT TO ASSESS ANY POTENTIAL STABILITY THREATS

 

The FED is THE stability threat.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:00 | 4569484 Manipulism
Manipulism's picture

YELLING DOESNT MAKE IT TRUE.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:02 | 4569495 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS BERNANKE HAD GOOD AGENDA, IT'S ONE SHE SHARES

 

The economy crashed in 2008, under Bernanke.  It has never recovered.  Yellen calls that a good agenda and seeks more of the same.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:26 | 4569511 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

The Queen of Spades is off to China with mom and the kids, but no press allowed, all on your dime.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:34 | 4569581 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

Nixon redux.  Will he return with pandas, or tibetan mastiff puppies?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:58 | 4569696 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Well, the Chinese invited Curious Michelle to the Oriental Palace. It's not like she's crashing the (communist) party, right?

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:06 | 4569516 Johnny Cocknballs
Johnny Cocknballs's picture

So Americans can't find out where their gold is, can't audit the Fed, can't find out who owns the Fed banks, and can't use a FOIA suit because the Fed R.S. is a "private entity" and not an "agency" of the US govt.  {even though, it has to be an agent of the US, since Congress delegated the issuing power to it in 1913}, and have to wait and see when a small cabal of bankers will decide to hike rates, or stop printing the national currency, and have no guarantee that Fed actions have done anything but made things considerable worse in the long term.

And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care.

 

Cute.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:23 | 4569569 Seer
Seer's picture

And if that's not bad enough, vast number of people insist on going along with the game!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:19 | 4569518 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

SNL needs to bring back coffee talk and ask Yellen to visit.  its like Buttah!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDXEgBh0TF0

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:12 | 4569531 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS INFLATION CONSISTENTLY BELOW 2% WARRANTS LOW RATE

 

A low rate would be above the rate of inflation, not virtually zero.  Crushing savers is not warranted.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:14 | 4569539 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Hmm. Textbook smug.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:15 | 4569542 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS RATE OF HOUSEHOLD FORMATION BEEN `VERY DEPRESSED'

 

The FED caused that.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:16 | 4569546 One eyed man
One eyed man's picture

Maybe it would be more concise to list the things that Yellen didn't say.

*YELLEN SAYS SKY IS BLUE, EXCEPT ON CLOUDY DAYS AND AT NIGHT.

Now we know why Bernanke chose Yellen. He wanted someone to make him look good.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:58 | 4569699 goldinpenguin
goldinpenguin's picture

"Where never is heard a discouraging word"

she needs dissembling lessons from Greensputum 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:17 | 4569547 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS `HIRES RATE' ALSO `EXTREMELY DEPRESSED'

 

The FED caused that, too.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:31 | 4569562 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

Janet says
Have you seen my wig around?
I feel naked without it
She knows
They all want her to go
But that's O.K. man
She dont like them anyway
Janet says
She's goin away to israel
Where she gets my money saved
I'm gonna start tomorrow
I'm gonna kick tomorrow
Gonna kick tomorrow

She gets mad
Starts to cry
She takes a swing but
She cant hit
She don't mean no harm
She just don't know
What else to do about it

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:21 | 4569563 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS FOMC FULLY COMMITTED TO 2% INFLATION OBJECTIVE

 

Yellen says FED fully committed to destablizing prices.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:52 | 4569676 Racer
Racer's picture

And theft by inflation so they can tax the higher price even more

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:23 | 4569571 Jeremy Roenick
Jeremy Roenick's picture

Amateur Hour at the Fed. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:25 | 4569573 moneybots
moneybots's picture

*YELLEN SAYS LABOR MARKET IMPROVEMENT FASTER THAN ANTICIPATED

 

Yellen says worst labor participation rate since 1978, is a faster improvement than anticipated.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:33 | 4569611 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

The bitch has yet to master the art of opening mouth and not actually saying anything at all.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:37 | 4569616 rickv404
rickv404's picture

I don't know what's going on with QE, but inflation is obviously on the rise again, as indicated by higher gas and food prices. We may just get hyper-inflation with this Yellen, particularly if there's another war.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:39 | 4569625 the wet spot
the wet spot's picture

*YELLEN SAYS RATE OF HER SEXUAL INTERCOURSE EXTREMELY DEPRESSED

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:15 | 4569738 grekko
grekko's picture

Oh yah, now there's a big suprise!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:44 | 4569648 LooseLee
LooseLee's picture

I think she'll lower (or eliminate) interest paid on reserves to get the banks to 'shit or get off the pot'. She may not be the 'lackey' to TPTB that her predecessors were (Greenspan & Bernanke are the real bagholders and will be held accountable). This will not be good for the banks. I think her 'soul' has not been sold just yet. Lets she what ensues...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:54 | 4569680 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Curious Michelle goes to China to see the Dragon Lady in the Yellow Hat.

Where's the story, Zero Hedge??????????????????????????

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:57 | 4569692 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Like China needs a phony disbarred poser to tell them about the importance of education.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:15 | 4569734 grekko
grekko's picture

I think she'll try to tell them they need to eat healthier food.  Maybe they should lose some weight.  There is an obesity crisis you know.  Just look at Michelle's ass.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:13 | 4569944 HeavydutyMexica...
HeavydutyMexicanOfTheNorthernKingdom's picture

What are you talking about?!  Michelle Obama has a nice ass son!  I would definitely hit that bitchez!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:00 | 4569704 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

Why is that a story?  What effect does that have, geopolitically?  Does that affect your personal financial situation?  

Obfuscation via trivialities is not a productive thing to fall victim to. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:09 | 4569730 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

If it's a vacation, it's an abuse of power.

If it's business, what kind of business? No press allowed on the trip! That in itself makes it news.

Imagine if it was Laura Bush. What do you think the NYT would say about that?

What makes Curious Michelle qualified to wipe her ass?

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:38 | 4569816 elwind45
elwind45's picture

First lady twice? When you going to field someone who wins instead of just thinks they did

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 17:55 | 4569688 mendolover
mendolover's picture

What a voice sheesh!  I'll replay this if I ever need a sleep aid.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:05 | 4569717 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Listen to JFK talk about the budget.

America before it turned into a globalist pig.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZFnTBSRKcg

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:20 | 4569751 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

The JFK years....the halcyon days when our currency was still backed by gold up until the USA first "unofficial" default in 1971 when Nixon overnight changed the rules....

Oh that money in your account is no longer backed by gold...but by our promise...much better...(sarc)

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:26 | 4569770 elwind45
elwind45's picture

When the Germans bombed pearl harbor

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:26 | 4569771 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

He actually gave a damn about expenditures, and the budget.

The Queen doesn't give a shit! He shits on America!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:17 | 4569741 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

Look at him..."don't blame me I'm no longer in charge"

You know on his final day they should have unfurled the "mission accomplished" banner that they used for bush on that aircraft carrier...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:22 | 4569760 elwind45
elwind45's picture

After this press conference I am firm to say the fed caused the 100 bp debacle lest year? The idea that rates will rise only after QE ends is the hint THEY HAVE no clue! In the coming meetings she will piss off her former colleagues eventually? Next time zero followups with her 0-.25 interest rate lecture? No more apples chairperson!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:22 | 4569761 Philalethian
Philalethian's picture

Tick...tock....tick.....tock......tick.......tock..........

More and more signs of what could come.

What makes this particular set up interesting is, many many people around the world know what is coming. Even the local milk-man talks to his customers about these distractions, and the coming purposely crashed dollar. More people are preparing for the nazi govt goons that plan to overtake America for these foreign banksters. Hyper-inflation is a profiteers scheme to make money from calamity and disaster. People are already fixed bayonets for this scum.

It is becoming more and more entertaining to see these few babylonian cretins speaking and mumbling about things that really do not matter. The milkman commands a larger audience that CARES. No average American gives a shit about what old yeller thinks. They know who owns her, and pulls her strings. They know who it is that plans the coming break-the-door-down at 3:33am antics. Everybody world-wide knows who is responsible for all this garbage world domination carpetbagging. What is funny is how it is being figured out BEFORE it happens any more and the reason for that is, evil never changes. It will always do something evil, stupid, and predictable.

http://www.lignet.com/InBriefs/Malaysia-Hunts-for-Missing-Jet-in-Pakista...

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:32 | 4569785 elwind45
elwind45's picture

Catch your breathe lean back and allow the fog to clear naturally from the screen

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 07:53 | 4571646 matrix2012
matrix2012's picture

Malaysia and others just look into the wrong direction... they should look into Diego Garcia since the early days... now may be all are too late (what they're doing now just for smoke screen or the PR consumption)

 

Here's what Jim Stone says:

 

"...the stealing of Chinese engineers and technology via the theft of flight 370 as a precursor to World War 3. And I think the U.S. was in Ukraine to secure that territory as a precursor as well, and Russia did not play as nice as the cabal thought they would. But the theft of flight 370 indicates to me that they are going to proceed as planned despite Russia's reaction, with whatever they have."

 

"Circumstances prove the Maldives sighting legit"

 

Source

 

 

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:22 | 4569763 geologyguy
geologyguy's picture

I've seen a drunk do a better job at brain surgery.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:42 | 4569832 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Inflation won't be recognized, regardless if food and energy rise 50% until they see WAGE PRESSURE.  In other words, it doesn't matter that you can't afford food and gas because your wages aren't keeping up with rising prices...rising wages will be the LAST thing they ALLOW to increase.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:43 | 4569833 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

She will get better at parsing her words andtalking out of both sides of her mouth. Greasepan was cicular babbler who was grossly wrong more than moderately correct and he still not on a lmp post. 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:45 | 4569843 fzrkid
fzrkid's picture

what didnt she say

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:46 | 4569851 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Not as polished a liar? I'm sure that she'll get better.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:48 | 4569857 de Cosmos
de Cosmos's picture

Fat bottomed girls,
You make the rockin' world go round...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGR-ePhFav0

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:50 | 4569866 Apostate2
Apostate2's picture

NO.

 

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:50 | 4569870 fzrkid
fzrkid's picture

Right on track for a September 2016 debacle

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:53 | 4569882 Nexus789
Nexus789's picture

Yellen sees everything but sees nothing.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 18:57 | 4569891 Ifigenia
Ifigenia's picture

"...This is not even double standards; this is amazing, primitive, blunt cynicism. One should not try so crudely to make everything suit their interests, calling the same thing white today and black tomorrow (…) After the dissolution of bipolarity on the planet, we no longer have stability. Key international institutions are not getting any stronger; on the contrary, in many cases, they are sadly degrading. Our western partners, led by the FED of United States of America, prefer not to be guided by international law in their practical policies, but by the rule of the gun. They have come to believe in their exclusivity and exceptionalism, that they can decide the destinies of the world, that only they can ever be right. They act as they please: here and there, they use force printing of dollars against sovereign states, building coalitions based on the principle “If you are not with us, you are against us.” To make this aggression look legitimate, they force the necessary resolutions from international organisations, and if for some reason this does not work, they simply ignore the UN Security Council and the UN overall. (…) We understand what is happening; we understand that these actions were aimed against the gold in Ukraine and Russia and against Eurasian Banks integration (…) we have every reason to assume that the infamous policy of containment, led in the 18th, 19th and 20th centuries, continues today. They are constantly trying to sweep us into a corner because we have an independent monetary position, because we maintain it and because we call things like they are and do not engage in hypocrisy. But there is a limit to everything. And with Ukraine, our western partners have crossed the line, playing the bear and acting irresponsibly and unprofessionally..."

The best speech made by Helicopter Ben in Jacksonass Hole

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 20:25 | 4570145 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

You should be a speechwriter, for who I'm not sure, but for someone. Maybe a speechwriter for hire or for a few Good Men

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 21:08 | 4570279 Ifigenia
Ifigenia's picture

no, no, it is an adaption of Putin speech a day ago. http://vineyardsaker.blogspot.pt/2014/03/president-putins-speech-to-federal.html

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:55 | 4570047 SystemOfaDrown
SystemOfaDrown's picture

YELLEN: I'll vomit on Lady Gaga and shit on US middle-class.

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 19:55 | 4570051 Cleetus
Cleetus's picture

6.5% is not a benchmark it is sucker. Houston, we have a problem

-Cleetus

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 21:15 | 4570308 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Hey Benny, "Fuck You!" Jew Bastard!!!

Wed, 03/19/2014 - 22:20 | 4570601 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture
Yellen's First (Disastrous) Press Conference

relax, just the first of many disastrous press conferences.

Thu, 03/20/2014 - 06:20 | 4571542 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture

hahhaha jesus christ.............

 

the pic of Benny saying "miss me yet" made my day.

 

+1 bilion

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