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Senator Dan Coats' Top 10 Reasons Why Russian Sanctions Suck

Tyler Durden's picture


Having noted the ridicule with which the Russians view the sanctions barrage between the EU and US, we thought it worth reflecting, courtesy of Senator Dan Coats, on the absurd political farce that is the entirely useless (and purely public-relations-based) war of words (and not actions) that is under-way as the West realizes the Russian "boomerang" is coming any minute...



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Fri, 03/21/2014 - 11:57 | 4577224 newsguy68
newsguy68's picture

The Fruits Of Socialism..Future Food Lines Coming To America

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:01 | 4577241 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Despair no longer about item 8, Senator Coats cause we at ZH are here to tackle such thorny issues!

The Russian word for "Hoosier" is......   "Hoosier"!

I kid thee not:

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:06 | 4577266 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Wow, this guy is a fuckin' comedy genius!

Hopefully he'll quit his day job.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:09 | 4577275 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

1. Our summer vacation in Siberia is a no go

US Senators are always welcome here in the winter.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:12 | 4577293 Looney
Looney's picture

Dan Coats' diagnosis: The patient died during the autopsy.  ;-)


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:15 | 4577301 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Wow! I never thought I'd see someone outdo Michael Snyder at being horrible at making lists.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:17 | 4577317 fonestar
fonestar's picture

#11 - Eternally wonder about implications of EUR/USD as Gasprom shuts off the valve.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:15 | 4577619 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Well if Maria Sharapova was here I doubt tennis would be on my mind

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:30 | 4577674 JoeSexPack
JoeSexPack's picture

She lives in Manhattan Beach, CA.


Just sayin...

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:40 | 4577924 Miles Ahead
Miles Ahead's picture


Here +100.  Fixed it.

That was hilarious.  And being JoeSexPack, I'm takin' your word for it.

Just sayin...

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:18 | 4577320 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

Congress can't respond intellegently.  All they got are jokes.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:24 | 4577351 nowhereman
nowhereman's picture

The patient died during the labotomy

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:15 | 4577618 monkeyshine
monkeyshine's picture

The patient died during the vasectomy?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:09 | 4577277 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

The war of words will continue to escalate until May, when Russia and China will announce a new gigantic global energy policy designed to funnel 2/3rds of the earths fossil fuels into the hands of 2/3rds of the Earth population.


By which time the West will look as ridiculous as we actually are.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:15 | 4577304 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Let's hope everyone's thumbs are at the ready for an all-out Twatter war, because this is what it's come to — snarky tweets.


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:03 | 4577806 Glasnost
Glasnost's picture

Can Texas secede already?  I'd love for there to be at least one bastion of hope in North America besides Canada.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:22 | 4577335 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Indeed, he's as funny as a shool bus fire. Edgy of him using twitter too.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:03 | 4577807 Pig Circus
Pig Circus's picture

These fucking Politicians are like children. What will his next list say when he takes back the Balitic States? Fucking Sodomite Promoting Marxist Puke.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 11:58 | 4577228 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

And this is behavior befitting of an honorable PUBLIC servant?

Still don't the real problem yet?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:03 | 4577250 john39
john39's picture

the USSA is obviously leaderless, and has been for awhile.   we have actors... very crappy actors at that.    Perhaps Americans should look into how Russians managed to kick out their zionist occupier government after the collapse of the USSR, and duplicate the effort.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:04 | 4577255 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

And we pay these fools ?

He can't be a reflection of America, he is not obese.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:06 | 4577267 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

What an arrogant asshole. That list should be plastered to his chest as he's swinging from a lamp post. The hubris coming from our government is disgusting.


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 11:58 | 4577230 pound the vix
pound the vix's picture

Isn't he a riot!  Chris Rock's job is safe.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:01 | 4577240 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

get off twitter and do your fucking job asshole...instead of flying around in jets banging hookers on our dime!

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:05 | 4577259 One And Only
One And Only's picture


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:09 | 4577276 cossack55
cossack55's picture

When Danny "retired" from the Senate he moved to Virginia and became a lobbiest for, among others, Goldman Sacks (sp) for a long time.  When he decided he could make even bigger money stealing from the taxpayers again, he "moved" back to Indiana to run.  I am ashamed to be an Indiana resident and if not for my wife I would be long gone from this piece of shit state.  

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:45 | 4577944 jtg
jtg's picture

I knew Dan Coats in high school, we were both on the same track team. So now I know what happened to him - he became a Goldman Sacks agent that uses fascist groups in Ukraine. Disgusting.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 20:28 | 4579096 ptolemy_newit
ptolemy_newit's picture

and what are you doing about it!

amerikans are pussies, 300 milllion guns and you shoot up schools? 


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:47 | 4577952 jtg
jtg's picture

Trouble is, his job is working for the bankers.

Sat, 03/22/2014 - 11:05 | 4580215 Tzanchan
Tzanchan's picture

I bet anything he has a staffer do this some (young ho or dealer on the side like thw Washingtinienne), who said she couldn't figure out how ay Congressional Aide could afford to live 'cept by dealing or Ho'ing. Tea partiers Yell "Gold Bless America" when they pop, Dmes shout "all hai Comerade BHO" and regular ol GOP'ers shout "Moree tax cuts please....

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:05 | 4577258 the phantom
the phantom's picture

I just got the douche-chills... a common ailment facing Americans when reading the embarrassing things coming out of our politicians mouths. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:05 | 4577260 william114085
william114085's picture

borscht is Ukrainian, dumbfuck

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:10 | 4577282 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Looking at the Twatter, he has been told.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:44 | 4577459 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

And, made properly is absolutely delicious.  One of my favorites with crusty bread

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:05 | 4577261 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yep, that's my P.O.S "represenative" diplomatically tweeting away like a little girl, and oh look his number one thing he can't do is the same as McShitstain's. It's almost as if the two fudge packers were planning a trip together.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:07 | 4577271 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Must be that "Hoosier Hospitality."

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:45 | 4577460 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The razor sharp wit of Dan Coats is on the same extraordinary level as John McCain's youthful vigor.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:07 | 4577272 Invinciblehandaxe
Invinciblehandaxe's picture

You wont be able do muchinhe ussa ehen they russian chineese drop the dollar jtll be oil for gold you dumb fuck child molester


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:07 | 4577273 Tracerfan
Tracerfan's picture

This guy helped bankrupt our children and grandchildren and helped send thousands of American boys to die as cannon fodder in useless wars, with tens of thousands of maimed vets and vets with kids who are driving into tree poles to kill themselves, and he is making stupid jokes about important matters?

What a corrupt, evil ass.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:12 | 4577280 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

It's nice to see that the grown ups are busy running the country. Oops did I say running? I meant ruining.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:10 | 4577286 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

P: (219) 663-2595


call his office and ask why he has so much free time to fuck around...instad of doing his fukkin servant job



Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:17 | 4577315 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

the corn-bred twit that answered the phone did not like my tone and hung-up on me...tough shit you scumbag servants

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:24 | 4577350 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Hey easy on us hoosiers. Not all of us are assholes. Despite our 'representatives' there are some pretty good people here.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:30 | 4577373 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

no offense meant with the corn-bred comment...some of my best friends are from chicago (midwest) ;)

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:45 | 4577437 fishmonger
fishmonger's picture

I agree with ya Doc, I travel up to southern Indiana, on the Ohio river, almost every summer to visit family. Great people up there, nice hospitality and pretty Midwestern girls.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:54 | 4577512 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Yeah but hoosier daddy?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:26 | 4577366 cossack55
cossack55's picture

I think JHK refers to them as "corn-pone nazis". Fitting

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:16 | 4577309 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Sharapova is resident in the US.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:16 | 4577312 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

What do he and McCain want?  WAR!?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:32 | 4577393 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  What do he and McCain want?

There's the kick-ass daddy brains and the smothering-mommy brains.   

When another kick-ass daddy shows up on the block,  smothering-mommy hides behind her kick-ass daddy and the rocks start sailing. 

Not much "thinking" going on the humans, we're just the least stupid animal on the planet. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:59 | 4577535 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

What happens if smothering-mommy already neutered her kick-ass daddy?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:25 | 4577655 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  What happens if smothering-mommy already neutered her kick-ass daddy?

Looks like kick-ass has lots of toys to play with:  Big-Ag, Big-MIC, Big-Road, Big-Water, Big-Airport, Big-Energy, Big-Fin, Big-PoliceState.   

With about 20 years of perpetually war again' th' trrrsss, could you perhaps define "neutered"?

Think any of the neighbors on "disfunctional-US-family's" block think kick-ass is neutered?   I suspect they think he's psychotic, not neutered.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:52 | 4577776 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Think any of the neighbors on "disfunctional-US-family's" block think kick-ass is neutered?

Yes, mr psychotic was neutered, his baby daddy probably was too.  There's actually a link between the neutering of US males and disfunctional family psychosis. Broken drunken men without purpose won't be a challenge to any gov or any new kickass daddy.  There's hardly any men left, it's going to be up to you girls to take charge.  That's why we have a new movement from the liberals to ban the use of the word "bossy". 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:01 | 4577798 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  There's hardly any men left

Seems to be no shortage of REAL men at our glorious gladiator events.

I'm sure, when the proper bullshit is created for them, they step up to attack - yet again - the wrong country or group of people again.   I have confidence in this.  Country FIRST. 

We can't really fight our brains.   We've got the system we do because the sociopaths are just ever so slightly smarter=n-savvier than the average dumbass.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:18 | 4577866 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

"Seems to be no shortage of REAL men at our glorious gladiator events."  That's a smothering-mommy perspective, that doesn't define a real man at all and maybe explains why she has the baby daddy.  A real man is naturally a defender of his wife and family, which extends to being a defender of his country and culture.

Sat, 03/22/2014 - 11:00 | 4580203 Tzanchan
Tzanchan's picture

Here's compilation of his voting record, nuthin' special, just supporting the Political and Praetorian Class.....

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:16 | 4577313 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

11. They come back and bite us in the ass.


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:21 | 4577328 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

11. My Russian counterparts annexed a part of a country and all I got was this stupid t-shirt, felt emasculated, so I try to make a joke out of it. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:22 | 4577331 jay28elle
jay28elle's picture

Oh, come on all you nay-sayers... this is a light hearted attempt at a joke, not a series of serious politcal speak. Lighten up.  Direct your energy to stuff that really makes a difference.

I'm not a Dan Coats fan by any means, but I also don't get my panties all bunched up by taking things out of context.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:26 | 4577361 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

these scumbag servants do nothng all day but push their constituent lobbyists agenda...that doesn't take-up much of the day...they have forgotten that they are servants, not royalty

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:35 | 4577406 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  they have forgotten that they are servants, not royalty

Uhh, that's what the children are taught.

In reality, they are Elusium Support Class members.   In a survival of the fittest, winner take all society, it's tough to be a member of the Prey Class. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:30 | 4577368 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

Reading this looks like  Erdogan had a point shutting down Twitter.

And there are still people retweeting (christ what a word) this.



Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:30 | 4577381 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

What a crappy sense of humor.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:33 | 4577395 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

I see this comedy genius Public SERVANT, is grafting his tits off on your collective coin as hard as he can then?

What an utter joke, a collective fuck up the west has become.  And all the while, folks like this numb-nut collect vast fotunes of our coin for doing nothing but take the right fucking piss out of all of us peons.

I would laugh if this were funny.

But sadly, its far from it.


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:37 | 4577420 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Russia does tit for tat and dipshit is making fun of it, he's a fucking idiot.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:42 | 4577448 irie1029
irie1029's picture

This is eastern european humor mocking us with how silly our sanctions are to them. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:40 | 4577435 irie1029
irie1029's picture

Honestly I am really sickened by this whole politistar crap.  Why can't our elected officials "o" included act like adults and professionals.  They act like spoiled little starlets seeking attention aka Justin Beiber ala Seifeld skit with the man purse and fur.  Grow the hell up we have a nation in crisis.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:51 | 4577491 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  Grow the hell up we have a nation in crisis.

Not really.   There are two nations.   The Elysium Class and the Elysium Support Class are doing VERY well.     

The Prey Class (the bottom 80%), hell - who cares about them, or has ever cared?   We can't even pass predatory-lending laws to keep the predators from eating the nearly retarded people.  

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:43 | 4577449 Ariadne
Ariadne's picture

This munchkin gets paid the big bucks + percs. Isn't he supposed to be representing the Sovereign Citizens of the State of Indiana and seeking the impeachment and prosecution of the Obungholio Administration?

Is this really the best Indiana has got?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:46 | 4577469 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Shows how utterly useless these politicians on both sides of the isle are. This is what they do, how much are we paying these self serving servants of the public? It is so embarrassing. 

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:52 | 4577496 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

So Crazy KGB Colonel without provocation and with stated intent invades "psycho State" and claims it for his own...and we blame all of Russia and the Russian people for this?

Clearly your tennis match with Ms Sharapova is still ON Congressman Coats!

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 12:53 | 4577505 Black Warrior W...
Black Warrior Waterdog's picture


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 13:35 | 4577701 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

What  a ripe c**t.   Instead of this you'd think MAYBE he might be working to get our rights back, to eliminate the spying, prosecuting the many corrupt politicians in his company, prosecuting Holder, the FED, impeachment  proceedings for this war criminal cum constitution usurper boy president or any of the myriad criminals and propagandists in the business and media community.  

INSTEAD he goes after a foreign leader for backing RUSSIANS in a long held and Russian owned outpost from an illegal and ill=advised overthrow attempt by the US government and the EU. 

Fuck you Dan Coats and take Obama, and all the political cum junkies with you on your way to hell.


Give us our freedom and liberty back!

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 14:24 | 4577876 Beard of Zeus
Beard of Zeus's picture

Wow. I thought only teenage Jewish girls could be that snarky.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 15:08 | 4578061 Dr. Destructo
Dr. Destructo's picture

Who the hell is Dan Coats? I've never heard of him until today.


Fri, 03/21/2014 - 15:16 | 4578111 exartizo
exartizo's picture

Please tell me this guy has something better to do in the National Interest than sitting around twiddling his thumbs and thinking up Stupid Letterman Lists?

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 19:13 | 4578864 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

It's pronounced Doom-AHSS.

Fri, 03/21/2014 - 19:14 | 4578870 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

Perfect humor for the new Idiocracy.

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