Senator Dan Coats' Top 10 Reasons Why Russian Sanctions Suck

Tyler Durden's picture

Having noted the ridicule with which the Russians view the sanctions barrage between the EU and US, we thought it worth reflecting, courtesy of Senator Dan Coats, on the absurd political farce that is the entirely useless (and purely public-relations-based) war of words (and not actions) that is under-way as the West realizes the Russian "boomerang" is coming any minute...


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newsguy68's picture

The Fruits Of Socialism..Future Food Lines Coming To America

Headbanger's picture

Despair no longer about item 8, Senator Coats cause we at ZH are here to tackle such thorny issues!

The Russian word for "Hoosier" is......   "Hoosier"!

I kid thee not:

NotApplicable's picture

Wow, this guy is a fuckin' comedy genius!

Hopefully he'll quit his day job.

BorisTheBlade's picture

1. Our summer vacation in Siberia is a no go

US Senators are always welcome here in the winter.

Looney's picture

Dan Coats' diagnosis: The patient died during the autopsy.  ;-)


Skateboarder's picture

Wow! I never thought I'd see someone outdo Michael Snyder at being horrible at making lists.

fonestar's picture

#11 - Eternally wonder about implications of EUR/USD as Gasprom shuts off the valve.

TerminalDebt's picture

Well if Maria Sharapova was here I doubt tennis would be on my mind

JoeSexPack's picture

She lives in Manhattan Beach, CA.


Just sayin...

Miles Ahead's picture


Here +100.  Fixed it.

That was hilarious.  And being JoeSexPack, I'm takin' your word for it.

Just sayin...

Soul Glow's picture

Congress can't respond intellegently.  All they got are jokes.

nowhereman's picture

The patient died during the labotomy

monkeyshine's picture

The patient died during the vasectomy?

Occident Mortal's picture

The war of words will continue to escalate until May, when Russia and China will announce a new gigantic global energy policy designed to funnel 2/3rds of the earths fossil fuels into the hands of 2/3rds of the Earth population.


By which time the West will look as ridiculous as we actually are.

McMolotov's picture

Let's hope everyone's thumbs are at the ready for an all-out Twatter war, because this is what it's come to — snarky tweets.


Glasnost's picture

Can Texas secede already?  I'd love for there to be at least one bastion of hope in North America besides Canada.

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Indeed, he's as funny as a shool bus fire. Edgy of him using twitter too.

Pig Circus's picture

These fucking Politicians are like children. What will his next list say when he takes back the Balitic States? Fucking Sodomite Promoting Marxist Puke.

LawsofPhysics's picture

And this is behavior befitting of an honorable PUBLIC servant?

Still don't the real problem yet?

john39's picture

the USSA is obviously leaderless, and has been for awhile.   we have actors... very crappy actors at that.    Perhaps Americans should look into how Russians managed to kick out their zionist occupier government after the collapse of the USSR, and duplicate the effort.

Winston Churchill's picture

And we pay these fools ?

He can't be a reflection of America, he is not obese.

Miffed Microbiologist's picture

What an arrogant asshole. That list should be plastered to his chest as he's swinging from a lamp post. The hubris coming from our government is disgusting.


pound the vix's picture

Isn't he a riot!  Chris Rock's job is safe.

PlusTic's picture

get off twitter and do your fucking job asshole...instead of flying around in jets banging hookers on our dime!

cossack55's picture

When Danny "retired" from the Senate he moved to Virginia and became a lobbiest for, among others, Goldman Sacks (sp) for a long time.  When he decided he could make even bigger money stealing from the taxpayers again, he "moved" back to Indiana to run.  I am ashamed to be an Indiana resident and if not for my wife I would be long gone from this piece of shit state.  

jtg's picture

I knew Dan Coats in high school, we were both on the same track team. So now I know what happened to him - he became a Goldman Sacks agent that uses fascist groups in Ukraine. Disgusting.

ptolemy_newit's picture

and what are you doing about it!

amerikans are pussies, 300 milllion guns and you shoot up schools? 


jtg's picture

Trouble is, his job is working for the bankers.

Tzanchan's picture

I bet anything he has a staffer do this some (young ho or dealer on the side like thw Washingtinienne), who said she couldn't figure out how ay Congressional Aide could afford to live 'cept by dealing or Ho'ing. Tea partiers Yell "Gold Bless America" when they pop, Dmes shout "all hai Comerade BHO" and regular ol GOP'ers shout "Moree tax cuts please....

the phantom's picture

I just got the douche-chills... a common ailment facing Americans when reading the embarrassing things coming out of our politicians mouths. 

william114085's picture

borscht is Ukrainian, dumbfuck

NotApplicable's picture

Looking at the Twatter, he has been told.

Mentaliusanything's picture

And, made properly is absolutely delicious.  One of my favorites with crusty bread

Dr. Engali's picture

Yep, that's my P.O.S "represenative" diplomatically tweeting away like a little girl, and oh look his number one thing he can't do is the same as McShitstain's. It's almost as if the two fudge packers were planning a trip together.

NotApplicable's picture

Must be that "Hoosier Hospitality."

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

The razor sharp wit of Dan Coats is on the same extraordinary level as John McCain's youthful vigor.

Invinciblehandaxe's picture

You wont be able do muchinhe ussa ehen they russian chineese drop the dollar jtll be oil for gold you dumb fuck child molester


Tracerfan's picture

This guy helped bankrupt our children and grandchildren and helped send thousands of American boys to die as cannon fodder in useless wars, with tens of thousands of maimed vets and vets with kids who are driving into tree poles to kill themselves, and he is making stupid jokes about important matters?

What a corrupt, evil ass.

Dr. Engali's picture

It's nice to see that the grown ups are busy running the country. Oops did I say running? I meant ruining.

PlusTic's picture

P: (219) 663-2595


call his office and ask why he has so much free time to fuck around...instad of doing his fukkin servant job



PlusTic's picture

the corn-bred twit that answered the phone did not like my tone and hung-up on me...tough shit you scumbag servants

Dr. Engali's picture

Hey easy on us hoosiers. Not all of us are assholes. Despite our 'representatives' there are some pretty good people here.

PlusTic's picture

no offense meant with the corn-bred comment...some of my best friends are from chicago (midwest) ;)

fishmonger's picture

I agree with ya Doc, I travel up to southern Indiana, on the Ohio river, almost every summer to visit family. Great people up there, nice hospitality and pretty Midwestern girls.

cossack55's picture

I think JHK refers to them as "corn-pone nazis". Fitting

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Sharapova is resident in the US.

Soul Glow's picture

What do he and McCain want?  WAR!?

NOTaREALmerican's picture

Re:  What do he and McCain want?

There's the kick-ass daddy brains and the smothering-mommy brains.   

When another kick-ass daddy shows up on the block,  smothering-mommy hides behind her kick-ass daddy and the rocks start sailing. 

Not much "thinking" going on the humans, we're just the least stupid animal on the planet.