Cocaine-Filled Condoms Intercepted On Way To Vatican

Tyler Durden's picture

Despite Pope Francis' recent attempts - mostly for media and public consumption, if not so much in actuality - to clear out decades of corruption at the Vatican including shady financial backroom dealings, involving countless global banks, some very odd things continue floating up to the surface. Like condoms filled with cocaine.

From AP:

German customs officials intercepted a shipment of cocaine destined for the Vatican in January, weekly Bild am Sonntag reported Sunday.


Officers at Leipzig airport found 340 grams (12 ounces) of the drug packed into 14 condoms inside a shipment of cushions coming from South America, the paper, reported citing a German customs report. It said the package was simply addressed to the Vatican postal office, meaning any of the Catholic mini-state's 800 residents could have picked it up.

Not surprisingly, nobody at the Vatican stepped up to claim the 14 condoms - ignoring their contents, the Catholic Church is not exactly known to have a favorable opinion of prophylatics. In this case obviously double so, especially since the intended recipient was tipped off about a makeshift sting operation.

The paper reported that a subsequent sting operation arranged with Vatican police failed to nab the intended recipient. No one claimed the package, indicating that he or she was tipped off about the plan. The drugs would have a street value of several tens of thousands of euros.


A spokesman for the German Finance Ministry, which oversees the customs office, confirmed the report. Prosecutors in Leipzig planned to issue a statement Monday providing further details, Martin Chaudhuri told The Associated Press.


Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi confirmed that the Vatican police had cooperated with German police in an attempt to identify the traffickers. He said the investigation remained open.

The open question: was the cocaine sent for cardinal consumption, or even worse, for reselling purposes. Sure, the Vatican's finances are hardly as strong as they were when the Vatican Bank was humming along but who knew things were so bad to essentially make the Vatican a Breaking Bad spin off?

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VD's picture

helluva cartel...

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

World's oldest franchise operation.....

NoDebt's picture

Oh, so THAT'S what a condom looks like.  I've been using the wrong thing all along.  I need the kind with the zip-lock seal.

The Juggernaut's picture

Good thing the condoms filled with mice got there before the party snow.  ...Too far?  Not far enough!

SilverIsKing's picture

Now I know why it's so difficult to find a good condom at the Vatican.

eclectic syncretist's picture

Ok, I have to ask,...why does the guy holding the bag have cocaine all over his fingers too?  Is he just that wired out that he's got the shakes or something?  And if the lighting is good in this pic this stuff has a brownish tinge to it that indicates it's not of the highest quality, certainly not pure enough to belong in the Vatican.  What's up with that?

fonestar's picture

Cocaine filled condoms and catholic vatican girls.  Is fonestar invited to the party?

CheapBastard's picture

Being celibate your entire life ain't easy. Just ask my wife.

BigJim's picture

What I'd like to know is: who ejaculates cocaine? And then sends the used condoms to the Pope?

smlbizman's picture

bless me father for i have sinned...its been 5 weeks since my last 8 ball...

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

"Cocaine filled condoms and catholic vatican girls. "

Girls? Fonestar should re-examine this premise.

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Girls are safe among the vatican clergy. Young boys better run fast though!!!!

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Isn't this a typical smuggling tactic, in that, you send two package.

One is 4 kilos.  The other is 12 ounces, in condoms.

You tip the police off about the 12 ounces in condoms, the police get a nice 'drug bust', and you get your 4 kilos through.

StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, HOW would you know any of that?

saveandsound's picture

Actually the cocaine was only placed in the condoms to numb and enlarge the penis of the clergy using it. For longer lasting action.

StychoKiller's picture

Again, I'm forced to ask:  Hmm, HOW would you know any of that?

saveandsound's picture

well, I actually don't know, I just guessed.

Manthong's picture

 “inside a shipment of cushions coming from South America”

Aha! The Argentinian connection..

I knew that guy looked a little too giddy not to be up to something.


McMolotov's picture

It's weird because I gave my parents the same thing for their anniversary.

krispkritter's picture

You sent your parents coke in condoms for their anniversary?  Wow.  I usually just sent a card.

Herd Redirection Committee's picture

No, no, he sent them a shipment of cushions, from South America! Uhh, I think.

y3maxx's picture

...Makes for a great "Chaser" when mixed in w/ the "Holy Water".

ParkAveFlasher's picture

This begs the question, WWJD?  Discuss.  </topicalhandgrenadeoff>

Buckaroo Banzai's picture

That's the world's tiniest condom in the banner pic.

WillyGroper's picture

Zip Lock condoms? LOL

Colonel Klink's picture

It's to keep the sperm fresh from the young Catholic boys.

Stuck on Zero's picture

Now I know how to besmirch someone's reputation.  Mail them a package full of drugs.  That's easier than hacking their computers and planting kiddy porn on them.


SmackDaddy's picture

When you have a factually-based reputation is for fucking 8 year old boys in the ass, a little coke is the least of your problems...

StychoKiller's picture

Waaay more expensive though! :>D

Schmuck Raker's picture

That's appalling.

The Catholic Church has very strict prohibitions on condoms.

TahoeBilly2012's picture

Good one. Actually two no no's in one!

Doubleguns's picture

Schmuck, That might be what allerted folks to a problem. Like shipping tampons to a all mens school. 

Smegley Wanxalot's picture

I always suspected that new south american pope is a drug lord.

krispkritter's picture

It's the funky hat and all the gold jewelry right?  I knew it! Gangsta Pope...

Dick Gazinia's picture

"Cocain is a hell of a drug" - Rick James

machineh's picture

Snort the blow, pork a ho. 

All-in-one convenience!

fauxhammer's picture

Ahhh....the Holy "C"

Dr. Engali's picture

I've never seen a zip locked condom before. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "getting it caught on your zipper"