Cocaine-Filled Condoms Intercepted On Way To Vatican

Tyler Durden's picture


Despite Pope Francis' recent attempts - mostly for media and public consumption, if not so much in actuality - to clear out decades of corruption at the Vatican including shady financial backroom dealings, involving countless global banks, some very odd things continue floating up to the surface. Like condoms filled with cocaine.

From AP:

German customs officials intercepted a shipment of cocaine destined for the Vatican in January, weekly Bild am Sonntag reported Sunday.


Officers at Leipzig airport found 340 grams (12 ounces) of the drug packed into 14 condoms inside a shipment of cushions coming from South America, the paper, reported citing a German customs report. It said the package was simply addressed to the Vatican postal office, meaning any of the Catholic mini-state's 800 residents could have picked it up.

Not surprisingly, nobody at the Vatican stepped up to claim the 14 condoms - ignoring their contents, the Catholic Church is not exactly known to have a favorable opinion of prophylatics. In this case obviously double so, especially since the intended recipient was tipped off about a makeshift sting operation.

The paper reported that a subsequent sting operation arranged with Vatican police failed to nab the intended recipient. No one claimed the package, indicating that he or she was tipped off about the plan. The drugs would have a street value of several tens of thousands of euros.


A spokesman for the German Finance Ministry, which oversees the customs office, confirmed the report. Prosecutors in Leipzig planned to issue a statement Monday providing further details, Martin Chaudhuri told The Associated Press.


Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi confirmed that the Vatican police had cooperated with German police in an attempt to identify the traffickers. He said the investigation remained open.

The open question: was the cocaine sent for cardinal consumption, or even worse, for reselling purposes. Sure, the Vatican's finances are hardly as strong as they were when the Vatican Bank was humming along but who knew things were so bad to essentially make the Vatican a Breaking Bad spin off?

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Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:02 | 4585462 VD
VD's picture

helluva cartel...

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:05 | 4585474 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

World's oldest franchise operation.....

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:07 | 4585484 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Oh, so THAT'S what a condom looks like.  I've been using the wrong thing all along.  I need the kind with the zip-lock seal.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:11 | 4585497 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

Good thing the condoms filled with mice got there before the party snow.  ...Too far?  Not far enough!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:23 | 4585574 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Now I know why it's so difficult to find a good condom at the Vatican.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:27 | 4585590 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Ok, I have to ask,...why does the guy holding the bag have cocaine all over his fingers too?  Is he just that wired out that he's got the shakes or something?  And if the lighting is good in this pic this stuff has a brownish tinge to it that indicates it's not of the highest quality, certainly not pure enough to belong in the Vatican.  What's up with that?

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:36 | 4585634 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Looks more like bad biker crank.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:47 | 4585674 fonestar
fonestar's picture

Cocaine filled condoms and catholic vatican girls.  Is fonestar invited to the party?

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:52 | 4585686 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Being celibate your entire life ain't easy. Just ask my wife.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:08 | 4585769 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Rim shot!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:14 | 4585804 BigJim
BigJim's picture

What I'd like to know is: who ejaculates cocaine? And then sends the used condoms to the Pope?

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 14:47 | 4586545 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

bless me father for i have sinned...its been 5 weeks since my last 8 ball...

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 19:46 | 4587950 ConManipulation
ConManipulation's picture


Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:09 | 4585771 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

"Cocaine filled condoms and catholic vatican girls. "

Girls? Fonestar should re-examine this premise.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:26 | 4585877 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Girls are safe among the vatican clergy. Young boys better run fast though!!!!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 13:44 | 4586183 Dick Buttkiss
Dick Buttkiss's picture

All in a day's work in this ungodly House of Horrors:


Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:38 | 4585644 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Isn't this a typical smuggling tactic, in that, you send two package.

One is 4 kilos.  The other is 12 ounces, in condoms.

You tip the police off about the 12 ounces in condoms, the police get a nice 'drug bust', and you get your 4 kilos through.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 21:56 | 4588449 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Hmm, HOW would you know any of that?

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:41 | 4585930 saveandsound
saveandsound's picture

Actually the cocaine was only placed in the condoms to numb and enlarge the penis of the clergy using it. For longer lasting action.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 21:57 | 4588460 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Again, I'm forced to ask:  Hmm, HOW would you know any of that?

Tue, 03/25/2014 - 03:37 | 4589098 saveandsound
saveandsound's picture

well, I actually don't know, I just guessed.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:11 | 4585499 Manthong
Manthong's picture

 “inside a shipment of cushions coming from South America”

Aha! The Argentinian connection..

I knew that guy looked a little too giddy not to be up to something.


Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:15 | 4585523 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

It's weird because I gave my parents the same thing for their anniversary.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:40 | 4585651 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

You sent your parents coke in condoms for their anniversary?  Wow.  I usually just sent a card.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:47 | 4585672 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

No, no, he sent them a shipment of cushions, from South America! Uhh, I think.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:10 | 4585779 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Best comment thread ever.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:11 | 4585503 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

Holy Crack, Batman!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:05 | 4585475 y3maxx
y3maxx's picture

...Makes for a great "Chaser" when mixed in w/ the "Holy Water".

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:20 | 4585551 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

This begs the question, WWJD?  Discuss.  </topicalhandgrenadeoff>

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:05 | 4585477 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

That's the world's tiniest condom in the banner pic.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:28 | 4585589 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

maybe they were being re-exported to Japan

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 16:00 | 4586861 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

Made in China

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:07 | 4585488 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Zip Lock condoms? LOL

Tue, 03/25/2014 - 02:47 | 4589058 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

It's to keep the sperm fresh from the young Catholic boys.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:50 | 4585682 robertsgt40
robertsgt40's picture

"Oral" application?

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:08 | 4585767 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Now I know how to besmirch someone's reputation.  Mail them a package full of drugs.  That's easier than hacking their computers and planting kiddy porn on them.


Mon, 03/24/2014 - 13:26 | 4586108 SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

When you have a factually-based reputation is for fucking 8 year old boys in the ass, a little coke is the least of your problems...

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 21:58 | 4588467 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Waaay more expensive though! :>D

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:03 | 4585465 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

That's appalling.

The Catholic Church has very strict prohibitions on condoms.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:04 | 4585472 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Good one. Actually two no no's in one!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:34 | 4585617 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Schmuck, That might be what allerted folks to a problem. Like shipping tampons to a all mens school. 

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:05 | 4585473 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

I always suspected that new south american pope is a drug lord.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:35 | 4585624 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It's the funky hat and all the gold jewelry right?  I knew it! Gangsta Pope...

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 12:12 | 4585794 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Sounds like a job for WB7.

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:05 | 4585478 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

"Cocain is a hell of a drug" - Rick James

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:06 | 4585479 machineh
machineh's picture

Snort the blow, pork a ho. 

All-in-one convenience!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:06 | 4585481 fauxhammer
fauxhammer's picture

Ahhh....the Holy "C"

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 13:43 | 4586179 ThirdWorldDude
ThirdWorldDude's picture

Cock indulgencies, bitchez!

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:27 | 4585490 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I've never seen a zip locked condom before. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "getting it caught on your zipper"

Mon, 03/24/2014 - 11:36 | 4585631 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

 "We got a bleeder!"

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