The Three Stooges Debunk myRA

Tyler Durden's picture

Submitted by Dennis Miller via Casey Research,

A little skit ran through my head the other day…

The house lights dimmed and the bright American flag glistened in the background. The crowd hushed as a tall man in a strange costume strode confidently onto the stage. 

Curly turned to Larry and Moe and exclaimed, "Oh my, that's our favorite—Uncle Sam, our boyhood hero." Moe put his finger to his lips as if to say "Shhh!"

Uncle Sam rapped the microphone with his fingernail and the sound echoed throughout the hall. He then bellowed out, "Hello, my fellow Americans!" and the crowd cheered wildly.

He continued, "Today I want to announce the deal of a lifetime. We all know that IRAs and 401(k)s are tools greedy rich people use to save for retirement. I'm here to announce a new retirement program for everyday, ordinary people. Everyone should have the right to retire safely and with dignity, and that is what we are going to do for you."

Uncle Sam paused until the applause died down.

"Today we have introduced a new retirement program called myRA. It's pretty simple. Your employer can withdraw as little as $5 from your paycheck, and it will be invested in a new government bond that will earn the same variable-rate interest as those available through the government Thrift Saving Plan Government Securities Investment Fund (G fund). If you change jobs, it is totally portable. You can take it with you.

"While the final details are still being worked out, you can invest your money into safe, interest-bearing bonds and let it grow tax free. And the best part is: when you take your distribution out, you don't have to pay taxes on it either. 

"So, there you have it! You can have money taken out of your paycheck in small amounts. It will be invested in variable-interest government bonds paying a good return, and it will be there for your retirement along with Social Security, TAX FREE! Don't ever say Uncle Sam isn't looking out for you. 

"I know everyone is anxious to get started, but I will answer some questions now. Please raise your hand."

Curly raised his hand and Uncle Sam pointed in his direction. "You, baldy, what's your question?"

Curly cleared his throat and asked, "It looks to me like the government is acting like an insurance company. We give you our money and you look after it for our retirement. Is that correct?" 

"Exactly right," Uncle Sam responded. "Who else can keep money as safe as the US government?"

Curly, Larry, and Moe looked at each other quizzically. 

Moe raised his hand. Uncle Sam spotted him and said, "You, mop head, what is your question?"

Moe said, "The national debt clock shows the government already has over $128 trillion in unfunded promises to others. How will our money be invested? Will it be used to make good on promises already made to other people?"

Uncle Sam paused for a moment and said, "Those details will be worked out. While that may happen, younger people will take part in this program too, so they will help pay for your retirement when the time comes."

Moe could barely contain himself. "Isn't that a Ponzi scheme? I thought they were illegal?"

Uncle Sam paused and said, "Ponzi schemes are illegal, unless they are run by the government. What's your problem? I mean, come on! Doesn't everyone trust the government?"

51% of the audience cheered wildly while the other 49% remained silent.

Larry, not wanting to be outdone by his friends, raised his hand.

"You, half-bald mop-head, what's on your mind?"

Larry replied, "I have a two-part question. Why not use a Roth IRA instead? Aren't they available to everyone? Also, can't all self-directed retirement plans invest in government bonds now if they want to?"

Uncle Sam's face grew red as he responded, "Obviously, you don't get it. Nothing is safer than a retirement program totally invested with the government. You earn a decent yield without any worry."

Larry shouted, "Wait a minute! The government has already made over $128 trillion in promises it cannot keep. Now you want us to invest our money with you, at an interest rate that you control? What's the catch?"

Uncle Sam's face grew bright red as he exclaimed, "Everyone knows the government can do a better job of looking after your money than you can. You guys are just a bunch of stooges. This program is so good, but you dummies are too stupid to see that!"

Curly turned to Larry and Moe and said, "When Uncle Sam calls it an myRA he is right. 'My' means it is his. We may be dumb, but we are not that stupid. This is a terrible idea. They are just trying to grab our money so they can keep buying votes in the next election. I am not touching it."

"I heard that!" Uncle Sam screamed. "You are the kind of people who have torn America apart—greedy, selfish, and without compassion for the little guy. Audience, you heard them. Don't you agree?"

51% jumped to their feet screaming wildly while the other 49% sat silent. Once the noise died down, Larry uttered through the microphone, "It sounds to me like another money grab. We might be better off just leaving the country."

Uncle Sam realized this was an argument he had to win. "Look, you un-American radicals! We don't want your kind in this country. Those values have no place in a modern society. Go ahead! Get the hell out of here! Just leave your money behind. Audience, don't you agree it is time to tell those greedy buggers to hit the road? If they don't want to share, let them go elsewhere. I am sick of their selfish ways."

Again, 51% jumped to their feet screaming wildly, glaring at Larry, Curly, and Moe. The screaming would not stop. 49% quietly headed to the exits with the three stooges leading the way. Moe, speaking in almost a whisper, commented, "It seems the real stooges are the ones who fall for the scheme." The 49% nodded their heads in silent agreement.

Personally, I am a registered independent and have been for over 50 years. Both political parties have pushed the government to make $128 trillion worth of promises—with our money—that it cannot afford to pay. What a terrible burden to place on future generations!

Our national debt clock shows government liabilities of $1.1 million per taxpayer. They spend our money to buy votes to stay in power. The system is beyond repair.

Humor is a good outlet to help work through issues that might otherwise drive my blood pressure—and yours—to an all-time high. Here's the scary part we cannot laugh away: myRAs are real.

My advice: Just say no to myRA and open up a Roth IRA instead. You receive the same tax benefits but more options to invest your money ahead of inflation so you can actually enjoy retirement. Snake oil is snake oil, no matter how you try to package it.

As a person who has spent the last several years trying to help people understand investing so they may retire comfortably, I become more frustrated with the government every day. No one needs a myRA when they can invest in a Roth IRA with the same benefits but greater flexibility.

There are many ways for folks to save for retirement without turning to the government. After all, most realize it isn’t prudent to seek financial help from the most broke person (or entity, in this case) around. My weekly column, Miller’s Money Weekly, offers insights into alternative ways to protect and build your nest egg. Best of all, it’s free. Sign up today to receive articles like the one you just read and other actionable advice.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
camaro68ss's picture

luk, luk luk luk luk

RevRex's picture

So Obama lied? Has Obama ever NOT lied? I must have missed that time.


It's sad, but America elects  Presidents based on who can best look them in the eye and tell them that shit tastes like Ice  Cream

Winston Churchill's picture

The ear of corn are marshmallows don't you know ?

Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Q: How are you know when Obama is tell lie?

A: Lips are move.

Q: How are you know when Obama is tell truth?

A: Boris is not know because is never yet happening!

SafelyGraze's picture

"Personally, I am a registered independent"

as long as you are registered and in our database, we are satisfied

you can register with the independent party, the libertarian party, the upstart party .. whatever

just be sure to register so that you can indicate your affiliation with *some* party

mister tweed


acetinker's picture

Boris!  Good to hear from you.  Was afraid you may have been snipered on the Maidan.  Didn't think you'd fall for that shit, but you never know.

666's picture

Will Warren Buffet invest in MyRA so he can live comfortably in his retirement? Or how about Congress and Obummer?

'Nuff said.

acetinker's picture

Those who make the rules, are not required to follow the rules.  Same as it ever was.

AZLagun's picture

Is this a "two Girls One Cup" reference?

drendebe10's picture

Does anyone think that this MyRA thing is the first step for them there gummint crooks to confiscate everyone's IRA and 401-Ks????  Naaah... never happen... impossible...

Mr Pink's picture

True story, but was this written by Dennis " My head is so far up the Republican's ass that I would have been praising Myra if it was Romney's idea" Miller?

Mr Pink's picture

Different Dennis Miller?

Mr Pink's picture

I guess the left vs right psyop is working great on zerohedgers

nmewn's picture

Pinks, I like ya man...and thats my numero uno greenie on ya

But this is what "we" see. Its FDR, giving a speech in Madison Square Garden in 1936...

"They imply to him that he pays all the cost of both forms of insurance. They carefully conceal from him the fact that for every dollar put up by him his employer puts up three dollars three for one. And that omission is deceit.

But they are guilty of more than deceit. When they imply that >the reserves thus created< against both these policies will be stolen by some future Congress, diverted to some wholly foreign purpose, they attack the integrity and honor of American Government itself. Those who suggest that, are already aliens to the spirit of American democracy. Let them emigrate and try their lot under some foreign flag in which they have more confidence."

The money has been stolen, its gone. There is no reserve or trust fund. Its been spent by the very government that FDR declaratively said would never do such a thing.

Its not that businessmen can't be greedy bastards too, thats a known fact, its a simple statement that the Three Stooges are correct in this as well.

Plop down a pot of money in front of just about anybody and see in who's interest they spend it ;-)

Mr Pink's picture

Thanks nmewn, as a fellow ZH vet maybe you can explain to me why so many disagreed with my comment.  Was the author THE Dennis Miller? and if so, am I incorrect in my opinion that he is a card carrying republican and is complicit in the establishment's game of pitting right vs left?

Any time I have had the displeasure of listening to this pompous prick I was disgusted at how entrenched he was in the theater of the 2 party system.

Am I wrong?

nmewn's picture

Not sure if its him or not...but it sounds like a riff he would do.

It was funny ;-)

You know by now I'm TP, establishment republicans are my enemy just as establishment "progressives" should be yours...its all about their power, control, benefits and pensions...for them.

I think you understand BOTH establishments are controlled by government bureaucracies and private proxies. We (meaning, you, I and us) are going to have to get past peripheral issues because this sucker is goin down.

Seventeen trillion is a very large number, we need to quit dancing around it.

acetinker's picture

NME, you should know by now that I love you like the brother I never had... but, are you Karl Denninger?

acetinker's picture

Ah, Mr. Pink, it is right that you should be disgusted.  Denis Miller is an entertainer, as was Ronald Reagan.  Denis never performed second monkey to an actual monkey, but I digress...

Denis never calls himself 'Dennis', because he is an asshole of the first order.

You may think by this that I am a democrat.

The last thing thing I would wish on any society is democracy.

Strider52's picture

I invest in things that apparently don't float very well.

Agent P's picture

I bet your avatar would float really well.

Major Major Major's picture

Can you get MyRa with EBT?

nmewn's picture


But she comes on at eight, center stage ;-)

HamRove's picture

How about I just burn 20% of my paycheck every month instead. Same thing, right?

Brutlstrudl's picture

Nyuk, nyuck,nyuck, nyuk, nyuck.


MontgomeryScott's picture

"What" 's on second.

"I Don't Know" 's on third.

Give me the answer.

The answer to what?

The answer to my question.

What question?

Who's on first?


What do you mean?

Yes, that's right.

"Yes" 's on first?

No, "Who" 's on first.

That's what I asked you. ...

Tim_'s picture

The Three Stooges was a jewish act.

Moe Howard, born as Moses Harry Horwitz, was a jew.

Larry Fine, born as Louis Feinberg, was a jew.

Curly Howard, born as Jerome Lester "Jerry" Horwitz, was a jew.

Shemp Howard, born as Samuel Horwitz, was a jew.

Joe Besser was a jew.

MontgomeryScott's picture

Richard Pryor was a negro act.

Born 'Richard Pryor', Richard Pryor was a negro.

Max Hedroom was a cyber act.

Born 'HBO series', Max Hedroom was purely computer-animated. I don't think he was Jewish, though.


I mean, COME ON! SERIOUSLY! The THREE STOOGES are the tri-headed AXIS OF EVIL! They were (wait for it) JEWISH! So the fuck WHAT? the Marx Brothers (all six of them) were ALSO Jewish along with their mother and father), and Stan Freiberg was (gulp) Jewish, and the Katzenjammer Kids were Jewish, and Marty Feldman was Jewish, and Leonard Nimoy is Jewish, and MEL BROOKS is Jewish, and...

Do you have a problem watching comedies made by the aforementioned people? Most of them were funny as heck, and talented far beyond your stripe, as well.

ONE ISSUE...They were not ZIONISTS.

Unless you have a point to make here, 'Tim_', I suggest you go back to that fucking fortified compound you live in and watch another round of 'Springtime For Hitler, And Germany'. Perhaps you could shave your head and become a homosexual as well, seeking the inner spiritual pleasures of re-mastering the Master Race.

Mel Brooks was really good. He liked to make satirical commentary disguised as 'comedy', and one of his more powerful statements was made regarding the ZIONISTS in this short clip 'Jews In Space':


Hey, 'Tim_', by the way:

What do you think about the financial implications of Obama's 'MyRA'? You must have forgotten the subject...

IridiumRebel's picture

Yes, but what if Uncle S*am assumes all Roth IRAs into MyRAs? Yeah, I see that on the horizon too.....

Accounting101's picture

No, it's the exact opposite. The MyRA becomes a Roth IRA when it reaches $15,000. You better get a new sextant because your horizon is all fucked up.

IridiumRebel's picture

I'm sure that the government would never turn all IRAs into MyRAs. I'm sure it will stay exactly as it is. They would never say one thing and do another.

Accounting101's picture

Please pay attention! This is why the middle class gets hammered every single time. There is a reason Obama out raised McCain 2:1 on Wall Street.

IridiumRebel's picture

So you don't see the government raiding IRAs?

Milestones's picture

Well giee whiz, Now I think I know where all that 4 TRILLION $$$ of bad debt that the Federal reserve banl bought from our TOO BIG TO FAIL BANKS is going to end up!

Golly darn what a nice PUN--er President we got. I hope I'm first in line with this zionist little program.        Millestones

Gold N Glocks's picture

There are white lies, black lies and half breed Kenyan Marxist lies. 

Obamao only knows the last two.

ebworthen's picture

Why buy an I.R.A. when you can buy gold and plan to expatriate and escape the New Rome?

buzzsaw99's picture

just got a good taste of owebombacare. rates +20% across the board. forward comrade!

Spungo's picture


btw, Dennis Miller is not fucking funny. Anyone who laughs at his jokes needs to die.

cynicalskeptic's picture

Representative Democracies aere doomed from the day that voters realize they can get their representatives to give them 'free' stuff.  The speed of the collapse is dependent on the rate of spending.

Some recognized this problem - that representatives were all too willing to spend government funds to buy support - ignoring that the source of the funds was ultimately, the taxpayer.

NoWayJose's picture

myRA smells like a scheme that takes your money today, and promises to give you more money at a later date.  Unfortunately, the money you put in today is never 'invested' but rather it is spent - the way most government programs are.  Do not doubt for a minute that the Feds are looking at the non-myRA accounts and will take them over in a similar manner.

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Just like um, Social Security!!  Open the drawer!!  Its full of IOU's!!

jvetter713's picture

This might be too complicated for the sheep.  Needs to be dumbed down even further.

Duke Dog's picture

Why the fuck would you buy a Roth IRA - do you think the "government" has less control?


Anyone doing that is a stupid motherfucker. Buy something hard that you have possesion of.

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Exactly.  And just because you invest after tax dollars today, and its supposed to be tax free at withdrawal doesn't mean that can't be changed too.  The tax will start out small, like 1%, and then grow.  Just like the Federal income tax.

Jerome Lester Horwitz's picture

That's not a vernacular...that's a derby!

drendebe10's picture

Wonder why the elected politurds aren't participating in MyRA... just like them basturds not participating in obamascare?  Hmmmmmmmm.... 

Spungo's picture

Look at what rich people are doing then copy them. You can be sure as shit the government won't try to jack something used by the richest Americans. If the richest people are fleeing the country, you should start to worry.