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Diamonds Are A Chinese Smuggler's Best Friend

Tyler Durden's picture




 

With copper, iron-ore, soybeans, and nickel all tough to carry when you need liquidity from your commodity-financing deals; it appears the Chinese people have turned to more spectaculr methods of moving 'wealth'. As The South China Morning Post reports, just week after a man was stopped at the China-Hong-Kong border with 4 kilograms of gold in his shoes, customs officers caught a man smuggling more than 7000 diamonds in plastic bags in his underwear. The tell, officers noticed he was walking in a pculair manner.

 

Via The South China Morning Post,

A man from Hong Kong was caught at a checkpoint at Shenzhen trying to smuggle more than 7,000 diamonds in his underwear, according to a mainland media report.

 

The man was stopped at the Shenzhen Bay crossing last Thursday after customs officers noticed he was walking in a peculiar manner, the Guangzhou Daily said.

 

Officers searched him and found a small plastic bag in his underwear containing thousands of small diamonds, semi-finished stones and gold jewellery.

 

The report said customers officers spent several hours counting 7,443 small diamonds, plus 10 pieces of jewellery weighing about 130 grams.

 

Anti-smuggling officers are investigating.

 

Another Hong Kong man was caught at the Lo Wu crossing in January trying to smuggle 4kg of gold in his shoes, according to the Southern Metropolis Daily newspaper.

Maybe he would have made it if he wore the diamonds like this?

 

However, this Chinese gentleman has nothing on a female smuggler entering Toronto (from Trinidad):

The RCMP disclosed that more than 10,000 diamonds were found inside the body of 66-year-old Helena Freida Bodner, who arrived on a flight from Trinidad, but cannot confirm how the diamonds got into her body.

Seems diamonds are a smuggler's best friend, as the Shanghaiist notes, as undesirable as diamonds in your underpants seem...

is still a preferable alternative to those Taiwanese smugglers who were arrested while holding 24 pieces of gold up each of their rectums last July.

 

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Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:35 | 4597065 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Funk the entire article, Mongo love the blonde:-)

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:38 | 4597078 ACP
ACP's picture

Rectum? Damn near killed him!

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:44 | 4597093 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

 

I can picture it now...

 

Chin, You're walking like you got 12 lbs of gold up your ass....

Ho wlee Fuk! Hau u no?

 

RIPS

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:45 | 4597106 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

TSA would be all over that.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:46 | 4597109 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

Thats the real reason for the TSA...capital controls.

 

RIPS

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:43 | 4597409 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

@ death

Damn.. I never thought of that. Another piece to the puzzel solved. Thank you.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 07:19 | 4597767 bonderøven-farm ass
bonderøven-farm ass's picture

That got me to thinking.  What is the allowable movement off physical when leaving the US or entering with it?  What classifies as 'smuggling'?

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:53 | 4597107 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Ten tousand dorrar! Ten tousand dorrar for Bronde with nice titty!

Fifteen tousand dorrars if randing strip & she swarrow!!

Love me rong time, baby...me so horny.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:41 | 4597404 I_rikey_lice
I_rikey_lice's picture

"Ten tousand dorrar! Ten tousand dorrar for Bronde with nice titty!"

 

That's Racist!

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 06:05 | 4597693 StandardDeviant
StandardDeviant's picture

...says "I_rikey_lice"?

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:47 | 4597110 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture

+1000 man, that was a full bore nasal whiskey ejection moment ......kudos

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:29 | 4597220 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Nothing hurts like a diamond wedgie.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:45 | 4597100 ss123
ss123's picture

Yeah. That blond is someone's best friend. Heck with the diamonds.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:40 | 4597087 gimli
gimli's picture

"But officer, I don't see any problem, I always carry my jewels in there ......"

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:43 | 4597095 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

As a rule dont much like blondes but for every rule there's an exception. And this diamond lass is exceptional.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:45 | 4597105 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture

NICE BEAVER....... er 

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:50 | 4597121 Shad_ow
Shad_ow's picture

That dude had some stones.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:50 | 4597123 kurt
kurt's picture

No your honor, it started out as carbon and I listened to Al Gore and I was trying to sequester it to decrease the planetary load. I squeezed and squeezed until it turned into diamonds. I was using the Pierce Morgan Technique of British Tight Assedness (I so love the Queen) and my sphincter was able, miraculously, to turn the carbon into diamonds. It just so happened that the wash cycle was completing when you stuck your gloved hand up my asshole, oh yeah, I turned some petroleum waste into plastic and formed a plastic bag, and you tugged the bag of diamonds out of my ass. Right now I'm creating a diorama in my ass to historically reenact this miracle. I'll be using Barby and Ken, which if you are willing, could you, like stuff them up my ass, there, right next to the kitchenette, NO! Put Ken on the right on the chair. There, that's just right!

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:45 | 4597278 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

i didn't say a word when i got "the look."
ye olde "Westerner is rich" trick.
My buddy wasn't so lucky...but he got through nonetheless.

"All on the straight and narrow" for years now and have nothing to show for it. Never did get that offer of witness protection either.

As with everyone else who matters "Zero hedge for rehab!"
they wouldn't be smuggling it if the value wasn't going through the roof...maybe the right policy is to throw open the borders and declare "everyday a duty free day"?

no? yes? invade Canada instead?
everyday a "dookie free day"?

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:54 | 4597299 Carl Popper
Carl Popper's picture

I think they are trying to smuggle their wealth out of china into hong Kong where capital controls are lax. 

 

China doesn't dare loosen capital controls for capital leaving the country.  Everything not nailed down tight would be on the next boat or plane out of there. 

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 22:55 | 4597129 Who Laughed
Who Laughed's picture

CITIC Pacific Up 10% on the day at the moment. Is this the same CITIC due 29th of this month??

http://www.theaustralian.com.au/business/latest/citic-group-to-list-in-h...

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:44 | 4597272 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

It's walking in a peculiar manner that always gets you.

Dude, strut like John Wayne.  Practice, but don't show up half-cocked and limping.

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:49 | 4597287 Carl Popper
Carl Popper's picture

That's why I prefer half ounce gold eagles in case of teotwawki.

 

My tiny little asshole can't handle the big boys. 

Wed, 03/26/2014 - 23:45 | 4597274 Carl Popper
Carl Popper's picture

The rats always leave a sinking ship first. 

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:03 | 4597323 user2011
user2011's picture

Diamond in the crutch.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:03 | 4597324 user2011
user2011's picture

Diamond in the crutch.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:10 | 4597338 Old Poor Richard
Old Poor Richard's picture

I heard somebody pulled a knife on Mr. Hand in social studies class.  No, he just called him a dick.  People exaggerate so bad!

 

Sheesh, how much gold in the sneakers and how many diamonds in his underwear anyways........

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 00:47 | 4597423 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Got to admit i came for the babe. But learned something extrodinary instead.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 02:58 | 4597578 peterZ
peterZ's picture

willing to bet this link got the mostest clicks in hopes of more to see.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 05:08 | 4597654 Perfecthedge
Perfecthedge's picture

I don't understand why he had to take 7.000 small diamonds.  He could have bought a big stone or even a unpolished one.  Ok, not giving ideas here, but there is a nice way to smuggle unpolished, raw stones through customs...

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 05:57 | 4597689 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

In the case of diamonds I am not sure who the greater fool is. The man who buys them to win over or to impress the woman. Or the woman who hands herself over to the bloke that buys them.

Diamonds are a dime a dozen if it wasn't for the closely held structure of the industry.

It's all in the marketing.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 10:19 | 4598315 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

4th most common element in the universe and women throw themselves away for it.   

If I'm gonna whore myself out it will be for things like Iridium, Osmium and other PGMs

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 06:53 | 4597743 Silversinner
Silversinner's picture

Those ain't no diamonds,just peed some kidneystones.

 

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 07:33 | 4597787 Woodhippie
Woodhippie's picture

Ron White:

The DeBeers people are almost saying what they really mean. You remember the old DeBeers slogan, "Diamonds are forever." Then they changed it to "This year, take her breath away." The new slogan is "Diamonds. Render her speechless." Why don't they just come out and say it: "Diamonds. That'll shut her up."

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 07:42 | 4597815 esum
esum's picture

what is really amazing is the supply of diamonds far exceeds the demand..... but people think they retain value.... maybe totally flawless or rare ones do.... like an india prince sells a $30 mil stone to harry winston... but i think the average joe shit the ragman diamond is virtually worthless..... and CZ works just as well... besides if she comes back with it and says its worthless, that's a tell.. russia has warehouses stacked from floor to ceiling with diamonds...graded and in sacks....or maybe over the years they ahve turned to rocks.... like the angels share...

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 07:49 | 4597831 laomei
laomei's picture

Getting money out of China is really damned easy.  But in a liquidity crunch, getting money back INTO China is rather fucking difficult.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 07:54 | 4597837 toadold
toadold's picture

Well with all the synthetic/man made gemstones it has gotten harder to make a quick sale or a safe buy.There is even a growing number of created opal's.  I would still go for opals though since the price for the "real" thing has actually gotten higher.  The problem being trying to find a source that won't stick it too you.  Maybe emaralds with visible flaws.  It might be best to buy gems that are "authenticated" aritificial but are really good looking.

The worisome thing is that the increase of smuggling from even middle and lower classes indicates things may be getting to blow up and splatter us all.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 08:47 | 4597977 d edwards
d edwards's picture

I always carry the Family Jewels in my shorts. :-D

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 13:50 | 4599354 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

donT spill them!

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 09:32 | 4598118 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Dumb twat. It's just carbon that can be replicated in labs - they call them synthetic or artificial but it is purer than the ones dug out of the ground by slaves and far, far cheaper. What's the point of enabling De Beers and their ilk to disseminate the fantasy that it has value?

Dumb. Really dumb.

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 09:33 | 4598125 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Flawless 2-3 karat D colour stones,  better than anything. 

Thu, 03/27/2014 - 15:39 | 4599929 Pseudonymous
Pseudonymous's picture

I have yet to see bitcoins being intercepted in transit.

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