Dear Unnamed "Significant Financial Institution": The DOJ Has Some Very Bad News For You

Tyler Durden's picture

Looks like someone didn't pay their annual "cost of conducting criminal business" bribe:

Fox Business' Charlie Gasparino leaks a hint that it may be, surprise, an HFT firm (not really, considering Goldman is now actively bashing HFT itself and promoting its own-supported IEX exchange, a move that has left many stunned)"

So who is it?  And please free Jon Corzine already!

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JPM Hater001's picture

Jamie Dimond retired right?  So then the real question is his whereabouts then?

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

probably on his own private island sexually assaulting under age slaves.


either way I like the notion, but to think the gesture is nobe and based in the rule of law is probably lunacy.


That being the case, the tweet, if from an official government source strikes me as unprofessional ( again I appreciate the notion ).


Also, in looking at the twitter feed, the guy pictured there needs to get a round of asshole bleach on each eyelid. What the fuck.

Jam Akin's picture

Corzine-Weiner 2016.  Immunity awaits.

ZerOhead's picture

"You can expect that before long a significant financial institution will be charged with a felony or be made to plead guilty to a felony"

Okay... my guess then is that a TBTF will be charged with a felony,

The DOJ will then almost certainly conduct the prosecution in such a manner that could only result in a not guilty verdict and yet Justice has still been served.

They call it a Show Trial!   See?

Dr. Richard Head's picture

Screw the DOJ.  Just send in Max Keiser -

Max Keiser beats Jamie Dimon Banker off his show -

outamyeffinway's picture

Does that mean the entire organization will be penalized since companies are individuals now?

Richard Chesler's picture

OK, which TBTF did not contribute to the Obozo campaign?


Steve in Greensboro's picture

If they had any ethics, the SDNY would investigate the Federal Reserve.  There is no more economically destructive financial institution than the Fed.  But of course both the SDNY and the Fed are part of the same total state, so the Fed is safe.

BaBaBouy's picture

 ==> SACKS   ???
 ==> J P & M ???

TruthInSunshine's picture

Whisper rumor that e*trade baby has been taken into custody after a surreal 4 1/2 hour heavily armed standoff with SWAT, where he was heard repeatedly yelling "you'll never take me alive, midget-donkey porn SEC watchers!"

DeadFred's picture

Much better that than have them shred the constitution any more by going after MFGlobal. It's clearly double jeopardy to go bankrupt because your clients' fund vaporize AND THEN get charged with a felony because your clients' funds vaporized.

fonestar's picture

Fucking ridiculous that press releases now come in the form of Twatter??

Why not just use Teen Magazine?

Cursive's picture


This Luddite statement coming from Major Bitcoin?

Tall Tom's picture

If he is not bringing up Bitcoin then why are you?


He gets an uparrow from me in that his assessment is correct. You get the Downarrow as you cannot agree with the truth which he exposes....because of the messinger...not because of the substance of the truth.


Basing your actions on personalities rather than principles just serves to demonstrate a lack of depth in your thinking and character.


(I was not, and I am not, a Bitcoin proponent.)

Miles Ahead's picture

Bam... with the right hand.  Let me double down on that junk arrow.  I'm no Bitcoin bug either, but fonestar has always seemed a bit like Bruce Lee  in Fists of Fury... taking on all comers.  At once.

Just sayin'.

Cursive's picture

@Miles Ahead

but fonestar has always seemed a bit like Bruce Lee  in Fists of Fury... taking on all comers.  At once.

Geez, don't get carried away with you fantasy there, buddy.  Anyway, "Tall Tom" says that you're not supposed to bring personalities into your decision making process, so you should probably discuss that "Tall Tom."

Miles Ahead's picture

My support was for Tall Tom's to the point right cross.

As for fonestar, I don't know his personality - I'm more results oriented.  And you gotta give credit where credit is due: no one has been able to lay a glove on him at least since I've been on here. 

Now I know Bruce Lee didn't use gloves, and there's where my analogy starts to unravel. But if I'm not mistaken Kareem Abdul Jabbar did have on some kind of gloves in Game Of Death so maybe I can turn this thing around somehow...  give me a moment.

Cursive's picture

@Miles Ahead

My support was for Tall Tom's to the point right cross.


And you gotta give credit where credit is due: no one has been able to lay a glove on him at least since I've been on here. 

He's visited the canvas one too many times to even be allowed back in the debate ring.  And, finally, you do realize that he confused a "tweet" with a press release, don't you?  Of course, I expect nothing less embarrassing from fonestar.



Rusty Shorts's picture

Hats off to fonestar, at least he fought his way into Fight Club, and got kick around pretty hard there for awhile..not saying I agree with everything he has to say, but he does have a little grit in him...

Cursive's picture

@Tall Tom

Are you always this self-righteously bitchy?  Maybe the irony of fonestar (or you) using the Internet to complain about the use of new technology is lost on yourself.  BTW, dipshits, the twitter message in question is not even a "press release," so shuffle back to the colective hole that you crawled out of.

CCanuck's picture

That's Fucking hilarious coming from you Phonestar, evolution of fiat currency is Da'Bomb.

But the evolution of transmitting information is "Teen Magazine".

Now, Go Fuck yourself with a roll of Bitcoins, you douchbag hypocrite.

+1 for making me laugh

Disclosure, I do not have twitter account, and could care less for the platform and how it's used.  


Miles Ahead's picture

Now, all lines considered, this has to be the dumbest comment on ZH ever.

Bitcoin is evolution of fiat?

Twitter is evolution of transmitting information?  Whew... what's the ticker symbol... I need to get me some.

And lastly, you could care less nor do you use it, but care enough to give fonestar a piece of your mind... with extreme prejudice.

Casual medical diagnosis here is the evolution of something else that has been transmitted.  In a manner not at all unlike the suggestion re; the "roll of Bitcoins".

Deathrips's picture


That was some bad acting...MAX..just bring in Kimbo Slice. For a couple hundred paper gs per punch..Kimbo will ask your questions via ear microphone instruction to chosen shill. This should be the public trial. Full Idocracy.

Every time theres a lie. Kimbo gets paid.

This will be the best and most viewed pay per view ...IN HISTORY!!! (not to be confused with what really happened)


Ill take my cut in silver.


Silver Bitchez!!



Freddie's picture

We all know it will not be Goldman Sachs.  Isn't the DOJ part of the Dept of Treasury?  It would be like the DOJ prosecuting itself if they went after Goldman.

waterhorse's picture

"We all know it will not be Goldman Sachs."


Yeah, DAMN IT!  I'm getting real tired of that gloating arrogant bald fuck who claims he's "doing God's work".

War_is_Peace's picture

OR...they will settle for what the DOJ considers an acceptable sum.  No due process of law here, folks.

kchrisc's picture

"Internet remembers, guillotine never forgets."

Deathrips's picture

I havent spent much time on twitter. Do all the shills really just sit around a suck eachother off all day? That fox feeds a good place to start a lynching list.

SILVER!!!! FUCK YOU JAMIE DIMON (and reptile fascozionist demons)


No More Bubbles's picture

Jamie Dimond retired right?

NO, he has not, and his name is DIMON.

Larry Dallas's picture

My guess is the firm about to go public with only 1 day of trading losses in the past 1000 or so...



oklaboy's picture

oookkayyy, who didn't pay the bag man Friday?

disabledvet's picture

His name better not be "Putin."

Cursive's picture


They may have paid, but with all of the heat coming down on the FIRE sector, somebody's going to have to "take one for the team."

hobopants's picture

"Did you send out those tweets? Good that should show em, case closed"

NotApplicable's picture

AFAIK, there's only one significant financial institution in NYC.

insanelysane's picture

Bankers: "We'll pay almost anything as long as we can say we are admitting to nothing."

Law Enforcement: "Ok." (as they count the cash and take the front row tickets)

bobnoxy's picture

Gotta be an early April Fool's joke, right?

Emergency Ward's picture

Stop picking on Jon Corzine !!

eclectic syncretist's picture

The Obama administration is gonna bitch-slap those HFTs with a $500,000 fine against the billions they've stolen and that will teach them a lesson they'll never forget.

Emergency Ward's picture

They will be stinging so much from the bitch-slap that they will underwrite the Hillary/2016 campaign.....

fonzannoon's picture

How can someone "be made" to plead guilty?

disabledvet's picture

ummmm.....that can have the opposite effect actually.

this "family" better not have a name either.
or "be connected to a visceral historical reality."

digitlman's picture

Talk is cheap.  Let's see some fucking handcuffs.

Jayda1850's picture

Fuck the handcuffs, roll in the guillotines! 

Jayda1850's picture

so hungry for banker blood had a dupe post.

Pickleton's picture

lol.  Entirely forgiveable.