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China's Smog Crisis Bestseller: Bags Of Fresh Mountain Air

Tyler Durden's picture




 

No, this is not Tuesday Humor or an April Fool. As the WSJ's China Real-Time blog reports, this is also not a scene from Spaceballs. In the smog-ridden city of Zhengzhou, a Henan-based travel company shipped 20 bright blue bags of fresh mountain air to show oxygen-deprived city residents what they’re missing. Of course, as we have noted previously, the canned-air idea is hardly unique to Henan: Rags-to-riches Chinese tycoon Chen Guangbiao began selling such cans in 2012.

 

 

Smog sufferers reportedly wrung the blu ebags out in order to extract every last bit of fresh air possible...

 

Though the cans seem a little easier to carry...

The cost: $0.80 for a can of fresh air.

 

 

Nope, not a joke!

 

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Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:41 | 4615321 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

The world has officially jumped the shark.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:55 | 4615350 midtowng
midtowng's picture

It's simply the natural end point of our capitalist system.

Step #1) externalize costs (i.e. poison the air)

Step #2) provide the solution to the lack of fresh air...at cost

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:00 | 4615357 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture

Step #3:  ??????

Step #4:  PROFIT

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:11 | 4615378 negative rates
negative rates's picture

It's only a joke if you buy it.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:14 | 4615387 weburke
weburke's picture

there be maui wowie in some of the more expensive bags.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:17 | 4615400 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

"...factory air conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped air conditioned factory!"

 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:32 | 4615457 zaphod
zaphod's picture

One thing we can be sure of, there is absolulely zero percent chance those bags are filled with "fresh mountain air"

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:40 | 4615478 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Wasn't there a hippie chick who went to Silicon Valley to raise capital in order to sell cans of fresh air a few years ago?

 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:01 | 4615542 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Is the brand name 'Yu Cho King'?

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:41 | 4615659 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"Wasn't there a hippie chick who went to Silicon Valley to raise capital in order to sell cans of fresh air a few years ago?"

I find it hard to believe that would work America. Now if she were selling canned panty gas, she'd have already IPO'd and retired.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:50 | 4615518 hobopants
hobopants's picture

If I was a prankster with a bad case of gas....oh the possiblities.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:26 | 4615602 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

Capitalism is not contrary to the understanding of general good and public utility.  There's no rule of capitalism that says you should have the right to polute as much as you want.   The reality is actually quite contrary to capitalism.     It's the fascist relationship between business and government where the government, contrary to the will of the people, sells the right to polute via licensing, allocations, etc.

When the governments give poluters the right to trump the interests of individual rights we have natural conflict.

What is interesting is that at a grass roots level, the polluters are losing out.  Example:  Smoking in a crowd where people believe they have a right to breathe clean air.   I believe China will make modifications as time progresses and they bear more of the social cost of respiratory illness.  

only time will tell....but fascism is the culprit here.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 21:34 | 4615815 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Good points anti. That's why we used to be a REPUBLIC. The definition of such gives elementary rights to each and every person to begin with. NOT FOR SALE, NOTHING TO DISCUSS AT .GOV LEVEL.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:04 | 4615365 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Well, that just shows you there is no problem that can't be taken care of with technology and more plastic. So there. All you enviironmental whinners can just be quiet now.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:36 | 4615466 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

What they didn't explain. The lady with the grey hair in the air bag photo is only 39 years old; she's a retired Apple I-Pad assembler.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:47 | 4615333 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Buy three, get one free cancer anyway.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:50 | 4615336 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Finally!! They have us paying to breathe.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:53 | 4615340 Slave
Slave's picture

Just close the comments right now.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:55 | 4615348 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Hold on to yer horses Jimmy, we haven't even hypothecated that shit yet. A million claims on every bag!

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:05 | 4615368 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Don't exhale - otherwise you'll owe a carbon tax.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:10 | 4615375 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Carbon taxes. Because trees do not vote.

Perhaps we can sequester CO2 in air bags, or produce less beer? Make windbaggery of politicians, and political pundits illegal?

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:38 | 4615468 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Hold on... Inventing a way to capture that air when they exhail so I can sell it to the trees...

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:37 | 4615635 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

You are reading my mind. Trees to not participate in commerce. We will have to force the trees to buy this product.

Could we still call it 0'Bushcare?

Has anyone given thought to the notion that we already sequester CO2 in Soda, Beer, and CO2 Cartrdges? Every time I got a flat tire on my bike, fired a pellet gun, or pain ball gun, I was contributing to climate change?

 

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 09:19 | 4616898 detached.amusement
detached.amusement's picture

it'd be one thing if the .gov didnt have an interest in co2 being a "pollutant" *cough*tax*cough*  what it wants, it subsidizes, and if the numbers dont add up, why then, just make sure everyone working on the problem never passed a statistics course.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:53 | 4615342 Two-bits
Two-bits's picture

Next the study on how breathing the air is bad; followed by the law mandating the use of canned air. 

Very convenient display of cans just after the gate at LAX...

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:01 | 4615361 666
666's picture

"Finally!! They have us paying to breathe."

They must have learned this trick from Obummer, who has us paying to exist thanks to ObummerCare.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:42 | 4615402 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Prior to the invention of the cigarette, imagine this boardroom meeting:

CEO A: You know, I thought of a gazillion dollar idea, just not sure how to put it into practice.
CEO B: What's that?
CEO A: If we could just figure out how to charge people money to breathe, we would be off the charts rich.
CEO B: Hmmmmm.....

And thus, the cigarette was born. 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:51 | 4615338 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    I'd lmao if those bags were filled with helium and they all started freaking out like a scurry of chipmunks...

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:53 | 4615341 Let them eat iPads
Let them eat iPads's picture

That is the second most pathetic photo I've ever seen out of China.

http://www.littleabout.com/cim/swimming-pool-China.jpg

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4615345 midtowng
midtowng's picture

What's the problem. It's simply the markets working the way they are intended.

They poison the air, then they provide the solution at cost.

According to the Invisible Hand, this is totally ethical. Even praiseworthy

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4615347 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

President Skroob: Ah, Planet Druidia, and ten thousand years of fresh air.

Dark Helmet: [aside to Colonel Sandurz] The way he runs things, it won't last a hundred.

From Space Balls

 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:30 | 4615451 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

How much you wanna bet this "fresh mountain air" was produced by pumping some regular city air through a HEPA filter and putting one of those "new car smell" hanging-tree air fresheners in the bags?

http://www.car-freshner.com/little-trees-air-fresheners/Forest-Fresh-Lit...

Cha-ching.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 21:11 | 4615745 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Well, you would think that with the ionic air purifier craze ten years ago it wouldn't be much of a jump to build portable ionic air purifiers with HEPA filters to those poor schlubs.

I saw my first geezer the other day caring his portable oxygen concentrator around, at least this would suffice short term.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 09:20 | 4616904 detached.amusement
detached.amusement's picture

do those things filter out the uranium that's mixed in with the coal, too?

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:35 | 4615462 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Did they break any copyright laws on this?

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:37 | 4615467 The Blank Stare
The Blank Stare's picture

Wiating for the selfie of a worker farting in a bag.

 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:38 | 4615470 NoDecaf
NoDecaf's picture

Imagine the possibilities... diet air, cherry blossom air... cow pasture fresh and horse stable sport air.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 19:39 | 4615475 GeorgeHayduke
GeorgeHayduke's picture

Hope this isn't a test market to see what they can get away with. Should be easy to get away with in the US as long as it doesn't interupt the entertainment news or an sporting events.

There are about 3000 places before China on my list of places to see in this world. But considering the suicide nets outside factories and the bagged air, I think I'll just mark it off the list.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:02 | 4615544 Hongcha
Hongcha's picture

Generally decent but ignorant people.  It's hard to imagine but many of them don't travel 20 miles outside their home towns.  Many never leave their province.  The entire media is under control.  These waves of mass stupidity and tragic idiocy are just everyday life for these folks.

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 20:17 | 4615575 Muppet
Muppet's picture

I have long had an idea I've called "commoditized air".   I have a biz plan about how a unit could attach to standard HVAC and infuse selected air such as Swiss Alps, Florida oranges, Desert air, etc.   I can forsee people walking into a home saying "what is that crisp air you have?   Its Colorado pass".  

 

I totally forsee commoditized air in our future. 

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 21:14 | 4615756 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Not to pop your scented air bubble, but has any heard of Renuzit?

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 21:13 | 4615749 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Lone star and barf will save china

Tue, 04/01/2014 - 23:09 | 4616029 RevRex
RevRex's picture

lone star or Fonestar?

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 04:48 | 4616429 Bankstein Swiss...
Bankstein Swissgoldberg's picture

That reminds me that some people actually sell water.

At least the guy is not pretending that the can is filled with dehydrated water.

http://www.buydehydratedwater.com

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 07:50 | 4616555 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

"7.  Are you brainless enough to think a career in selling dehydrated water can actually make you richer than your wildest dreams have ever made you imagine?"

http://www.buydehydratedwater.com/resellers.html

http://www.amazon.com/BuyDehydratedWater-com-Dehydrated-Water-Capsules/d...

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 05:56 | 4616474 Reefer
Reefer's picture

It has got to be the date...

April 1st

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 06:17 | 4616485 Bankstein Swiss...
Bankstein Swissgoldberg's picture

No, sadly these things do exist. Actually I m considering bottling fresh air too. Swiss Alp fresh air- i ll make a killing worldwide.

Did you know that in Evian, France, there are public fountains in the middle of the town where you can fill your bottles?  here's one. http://www.petit-patrimoine.com/fiche-petit-patrimoine.php?id_pp=74119_7

Heck that sells for 1 EUR/liter.

 

So many ways to spew someone else's money

http://www.bernardfoods.com/foodservice/beverages/dehydatedwater.htm

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!