Europe Mapped According To The Germans (And The Russians)

Tyler Durden's picture

As Acting-Man's Pater Tenebrarum notes, a recent Der Spiegel article highlights the fact that in spite of the fact that Russia and especially Putin are demonized with great verve in the Western media (including Germany's), it seems German citizens from all walks of life and all political camps are highly devoted fans of Russia and its president. As the following two maps show, "Europe" means a lot of different things to the Germans and the Russians.

How The Germans see Europe...


And how The Russians see it...


Source: Acting-Man

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Itchy and Scratchy's picture

What happened to Santa's Village?

ZerOhead's picture

It's on the Europe according to America 2010 map.

Which inexplicably places Europe somewhere in Florida near the Magic Kingdom...

idea_hamster's picture

The Russians think the Finns are a "bunch of whiners"?


Maybe they said "winners" sarcastically, but couldn't pronounce it through the bloody broken nose they got....

Who ever heard a Finn whine?  Or say much of anything?


kashey's picture

No, we don't see Finns as whiners, but we have an ironic saying - "a hot Finnish guy" - of somebody emotionally retard, super-calm and not tempered suddenly showing signs of life or emotion. It originated from an anecdote about Estonians : 3 estonians travel in a car. Suddenly a rabbit crosses their way. In half an hour one says - it was a rabbit. In another half an hour another replies - no, it was a fox. In another half an hour the 3d replies - go fight with each other, hot Estonian guys...

25or6to4's picture

Maybe it's just me but your parable lost any meaning it might have had in it's translation to english.....try again.

weburke's picture

why do you keep referring to --CITIZENS-- when the EU treaty specifically calls them --SUBJECTS--. And people that live in russia----since when were they citizens?

25or6to4's picture

Oletteko suomilainen?
1000 up arrows on your comment. Anybody with even a minute around a Finn would know they are anything But whiners. That observation on Russians part sound like sour grapes to me as you pointed out. Winter War loss by USSR ranks well within top ten all time military defeats history. And really?, Russians calling Irish drunks!

idea_hamster's picture

Born in Helsinki; raised and live in the US; visit relatives when I can -- which isn't often enough.  Hopefully this year for midsummer....

And technically, the USSR won the war, but it was embarrassing.  There's a paradigmatic scene near the beginning of Väinö Linna's Under the North Star where the main character gets drawn into a fight, after which he comments, "I don' anyone. But nobody lays a hand on me."

And yeah, the Irish -- in other headlines, "Kettle Black, says Pot."

StychoKiller's picture

Well, at least everyone's in agreement on "Waffles!" :>D

swiss chick's picture

do you even know what you are talking about!!!!!!


Stoploss's picture

Why does nobody fuck with the Vikings??






Oh, right.

kashey's picture

Nobody in Russia associate Denmark with vikings. everybody knows Norwegians are vickings. And Denmark is a travel destination of Peter the Greate where he learnt how to smoke and bought freaks collection.

by the way, in russian dutchanin means citizen of denmark.

Manthong's picture

Well, from what I’ve heard recently, maybe the next Thor movie should have him wresting Asgard from Mohammed who is spending a rainy night having group sex with his 72 virgins on his Ikea bedroom set 

JJSF's picture

Rusia has probably been short the 30YR for the past week..who's crazy now..

0b1knob's picture

The Russians refer to the Irish as "drunks"?  Now THAT'S irony....

Zerozen's picture

Pot, meet kettle...


The "personality disorder" tag for western Ukraine seems pretty apt.


And it looks like both the Germans and Russians agree that Belgium is for waffles.

kashey's picture

belgium is not known at all, it brings no assosiations.

yogibear's picture

Germany to the US Federal Reserve:

"Where's our gold?"


disabledvet's picture

somewhere in Moscow...and if you want it back that's where you're gonna have to go to get it back.

oh, and "try winning this time."

Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Guess there not interested in the Isle of Lesbos?

kashey's picture

As a Russian I have to admit the Russian map is close to real perception. Maybe just Finland is alcohol tourists, Bulgaria = real estate, Greece = our agent in NATO, Germany = cars, belarus = western russians.

q99x2's picture

Once Germany dumps Frau Shulz and Herr Killemall takes over look out.

disabledvet's picture

The French just see Moscow.

"Just like the Americans."

medium giraffe's picture

Schnitzelreich! Lol!

IMACOINNUT's picture

Now this would improve class participation in 9th grade history class.

MrsMerkel's picture

Irish whisky???

medium giraffe's picture

Yep, though how they keep the cats still on top of the bottles long enough to fill them up remains a mystery.

Dugald's picture

Irish whisky???

Engine degreaser.........!

Tried Jack Daniels that's Cats piss!

buzzsaw99's picture

germany could pay for russian natty with their gold if they had it. bwa ah ah

keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. [/michael corleone]

NoDebt's picture

NoDebt's map of Europe:  "NONE OF OUR BUSINESS, STAY AWAY" across the whole damned thing.

IMACOINNUT's picture

Yea, and knowing location of cheap hotels.

Skin666's picture

I drenched my laptop in coffee when I read Magma for Iceland!



edifice's picture

We have a Red Dwarf fan in the house.  :-)

eurogold's picture

Doesn't matter what Angie spouts ( at the behest of Obama) Germans and Russians will continue doing good business with each other

NEOSERF's picture

Long coal and NG exports.

ImnotPOTUS's picture

It looks like the only thing they agree on is that Croatia is a nice place to visit.

New Tourism slogan for Croatia

"Come to CROATIA, because you think everyplace else is farked up."

SandiaMan's picture

The suckers are on the other side of the world

Jorgen's picture

Poles hacked enigma, not Brits.

Confused's picture

 it seems German citizens from all walks of life and all political camps are highly devoted fans of Russia and its president


Really? This is just nonsense. Not my daily experience at all. But perhaps its regional. 

J_jade's picture

Im gonna go to the Group Sex with Ikea forniture place :p

SmittyinLA's picture

Those kinky Germans are looking at Putin with his 15% income tax and getting a hard on drooling at the prospect of dumping its expensive greek and Italian mistresses and hooking up with a more practical mother Russia. 

Don't look now but Germany could be the first EU state to bolt from the EU, he who bolts first eats the least amount of shit.


Ludwig Von's picture

That is exactly what will happen.

Chewybunny's picture

Moldova innacuracy: Russians don't view it as barren. They view it as nothing but drunken wine country.

SmittyinLA's picture

I'd like to see a map according to Israel 

NoPantsSpongeBob's picture

Here's an extended list of maps according to... including a planetary alignment according to Israel.