Europe Mapped According To The Germans (And The Russians)

Tyler Durden's picture


As Acting-Man's Pater Tenebrarum notes, a recent Der Spiegel article highlights the fact that in spite of the fact that Russia and especially Putin are demonized with great verve in the Western media (including Germany's), it seems German citizens from all walks of life and all political camps are highly devoted fans of Russia and its president. As the following two maps show, "Europe" means a lot of different things to the Germans and the Russians.

How The Germans see Europe...


And how The Russians see it...


Source: Acting-Man

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Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:24 | 4618091 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

What happened to Santa's Village?

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:45 | 4618149 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

It's on the Europe according to America 2010 map.

Which inexplicably places Europe somewhere in Florida near the Magic Kingdom...

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:56 | 4618223 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

It's Small World afterall!

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:06 | 4618252 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

The Russians think the Finns are a "bunch of whiners"?


Maybe they said "winners" sarcastically, but couldn't pronounce it through the bloody broken nose they got....

Who ever heard a Finn whine?  Or say much of anything?


Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:22 | 4618315 kashey
kashey's picture

No, we don't see Finns as whiners, but we have an ironic saying - "a hot Finnish guy" - of somebody emotionally retard, super-calm and not tempered suddenly showing signs of life or emotion. It originated from an anecdote about Estonians : 3 estonians travel in a car. Suddenly a rabbit crosses their way. In half an hour one says - it was a rabbit. In another half an hour another replies - no, it was a fox. In another half an hour the 3d replies - go fight with each other, hot Estonian guys...

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:11 | 4618528 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

Maybe it's just me but your parable lost any meaning it might have had in it's translation to english.....try again.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 17:22 | 4618763 weburke
weburke's picture

why do you keep referring to --CITIZENS-- when the EU treaty specifically calls them --SUBJECTS--. And people that live in russia----since when were they citizens?

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:57 | 4618444 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

Oletteko suomilainen?
1000 up arrows on your comment. Anybody with even a minute around a Finn would know they are anything But whiners. That observation on Russians part sound like sour grapes to me as you pointed out. Winter War loss by USSR ranks well within top ten all time military defeats history. And really?, Russians calling Irish drunks!

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:13 | 4618546 idea_hamster
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Born in Helsinki; raised and live in the US; visit relatives when I can -- which isn't often enough.  Hopefully this year for midsummer....

And technically, the USSR won the war, but it was embarrassing.  There's a paradigmatic scene near the beginning of Väinö Linna's Under the North Star where the main character gets drawn into a fight, after which he comments, "I don' anyone. But nobody lays a hand on me."

And yeah, the Irish -- in other headlines, "Kettle Black, says Pot."

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 19:46 | 4619213 StychoKiller
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Well, at least everyone's in agreement on "Waffles!" :>D

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:25 | 4618096 swiss chick
swiss chick's picture

do you even know what you are talking about!!!!!!


Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:05 | 4618251 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Why does nobody fuck with the Vikings??






Oh, right.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:33 | 4618363 kashey
kashey's picture

Nobody in Russia associate Denmark with vikings. everybody knows Norwegians are vickings. And Denmark is a travel destination of Peter the Greate where he learnt how to smoke and bought freaks collection.

by the way, in russian dutchanin means citizen of denmark.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:14 | 4618541 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Well, from what I’ve heard recently, maybe the next Thor movie should have him wresting Asgard from Mohammed who is spending a rainy night having group sex with his 72 virgins on his Ikea bedroom set 

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:27 | 4618102 JJSF
JJSF's picture

Rusia has probably been short the 30YR for the past week..who's crazy now..

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:27 | 4618107 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

The Russians refer to the Irish as "drunks"?  Now THAT'S irony....

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:49 | 4618192 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

Pot, meet kettle...


The "personality disorder" tag for western Ukraine seems pretty apt.


And it looks like both the Germans and Russians agree that Belgium is for waffles.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:24 | 4618330 kashey
kashey's picture

belgium is not known at all, it brings no assosiations.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:29 | 4618120 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Germany to the US Federal Reserve:

"Where's our gold?"


Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:45 | 4618174 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

somewhere in Moscow...and if you want it back that's where you're gonna have to go to get it back.

oh, and "try winning this time."

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:29 | 4618122 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Guess there not interested in the Isle of Lesbos?

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:38 | 4618137 kashey
kashey's picture

As a Russian I have to admit the Russian map is close to real perception. Maybe just Finland is alcohol tourists, Bulgaria = real estate, Greece = our agent in NATO, Germany = cars, belarus = western russians.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:33 | 4618140 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Once Germany dumps Frau Shulz and Herr Killemall takes over look out.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:38 | 4618152 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The French just see Moscow.

"Just like the Americans."

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:39 | 4618159 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Schnitzelreich! Lol!

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:41 | 4618162 IMACOINNUT
IMACOINNUT's picture

Now this would improve class participation in 9th grade history class.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:42 | 4618163 MrsMerkel
MrsMerkel's picture

Irish whisky???

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:46 | 4618181 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Yep, though how they keep the cats still on top of the bottles long enough to fill them up remains a mystery.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 17:01 | 4618700 Dugald
Dugald's picture

Irish whisky???

Engine degreaser.........!

Tried Jack Daniels that's Cats piss!

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:44 | 4618168 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

germany could pay for russian natty with their gold if they had it. bwa ah ah

keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. [/michael corleone]

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:45 | 4618175 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

NoDebt's map of Europe:  "NONE OF OUR BUSINESS, STAY AWAY" across the whole damned thing.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:48 | 4618189 IMACOINNUT
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Yea, and knowing location of cheap hotels.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:54 | 4618213 Skin666
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I drenched my laptop in coffee when I read Magma for Iceland!



Wed, 04/02/2014 - 14:59 | 4618235 Itchy and Scratchy
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Smegma for Greece!

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:31 | 4618608 edifice
edifice's picture

We have a Red Dwarf fan in the house.  :-)

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:53 | 4618673 eurogold
eurogold's picture

Doesn't matter what Angie spouts ( at the behest of Obama) Germans and Russians will continue doing good business with each other

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:07 | 4618259 NEOSERF
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Long coal and NG exports.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:36 | 4618375 ImnotPOTUS
ImnotPOTUS's picture

It looks like the only thing they agree on is that Croatia is a nice place to visit.

New Tourism slogan for Croatia

"Come to CROATIA, because you think everyplace else is farked up."

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:40 | 4618391 SandiaMan
SandiaMan's picture

The suckers are on the other side of the world

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:55 | 4618457 Jorgen
Jorgen's picture

Poles hacked enigma, not Brits.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 17:04 | 4618717 Dugald
Dugald's picture


Spoken like a Pole..........

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 17:13 | 4618740 Jorgen
Wed, 04/02/2014 - 17:34 | 4618800 falak pema
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Wed, 04/02/2014 - 15:56 | 4618460 Confused
Confused's picture

 it seems German citizens from all walks of life and all political camps are highly devoted fans of Russia and its president


Really? This is just nonsense. Not my daily experience at all. But perhaps its regional. 

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:03 | 4618507 J_jade
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Im gonna go to the Group Sex with Ikea forniture place :p

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:03 | 4618508 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

Those kinky Germans are looking at Putin with his 15% income tax and getting a hard on drooling at the prospect of dumping its expensive greek and Italian mistresses and hooking up with a more practical mother Russia. 

Don't look now but Germany could be the first EU state to bolt from the EU, he who bolts first eats the least amount of shit.


Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:38 | 4618632 Ludwig Von
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That is exactly what will happen.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:16 | 4618570 Chewybunny
Chewybunny's picture

Moldova innacuracy: Russians don't view it as barren. They view it as nothing but drunken wine country.

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:40 | 4618638 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

I'd like to see a map according to Israel 

Wed, 04/02/2014 - 16:48 | 4618660 NoPantsSpongeBob
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Here's an extended list of maps according to... including a planetary alignment according to Israel.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!