Putin 1 - Dimon 0: JPMorgan Unhalts Russian Money Transfer

Tyler Durden's picture

Yesterday when we reported that a "Furious Russia Will Retaliate Over "Illegal And Absurd" Payment Block By "Hostile" JPMorgan", in which we explained that unlike previous responses to Russian sanctions by the West, which were largely taken as a joke by the Russian establishment, this time Russia is furious, we said that "we certainly can not be the only ones looking forward to the epic battle prospect that is Vlad "Shootin" Putin vs JP "Fail Whale" Morgan." Alas the title fight lasted for just about a day, and was won, with a technical knock out in the first round, by none other than the former KGB spy who can now add the whale which manipulates all markets to its trophy case which includes about 100 statues of a crushed and beaten John Kerry. 

Because after shocking the world with its unilateral decision to halt Russian money transfers without a direct order from the administration, Reuters reports that JPM has folded and will process said payment from Russia's embassy in Kazakhstan to insurance agency Sogaz, easing tension after Moscow accused the U.S. bank of illegally blocking the transaction under the pretext of sanctions.

In other words, Putin 1 - Jamie Dimon 0.

More from Reuters:

The confrontation threatened to further strain ties between Washington and Moscow, locked in the worst standoff since the Cold War over Russia's annexation of Ukraine's Crimea region.


"Following consultation with our regulators, we are processing this transaction," JPMorgan said in a statement.


Last month, Washington imposed sanctions, including visa bans and asset freezes, against several Russians close to President Vladimir Putin and against Rossiya Bank, which it said was the "personal bank" for the leader's inner circle.


The destination for the embassy payment was insurance agency Sogaz, which is 48.5 percent owned by Abros, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bank Rossiya.


Industry consultants in Moscow say financial institutions are unclear about how to apply the new rules in some situations, such as when dealing with subsidiaries of companies which have either been sanctioned or which have shareholders that have been punished.


Several Western investors and their banks are facing quandaries over individual situations.


Guidelines on the U.S. Treasury department's website from the U.S. Office of Foreign Assets Control says that property which is more than 50 percent owned by a person on the sanctions blacklist is affected and advises acting "with caution" when ownership interests are less than 50 percent.


"It is up to private companies and lawyers to figure out who is subject to sanctions," said one Moscow-based lawyer. "Of course (a U.S. bank) is more scared of the American (authorities than the Russian ones)."

Needless to say, this is quite anticlimatic, as we were certainly looking forward to the discovery of JPM documents which would be released into the public domain following the imminent annexation of all JPM offices in Russia. Looks like we'll have to wait a little longer.

Meanwhile, if even Jamie Dimon.... 

....can't stand up to Putin.... who can?

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GetZeeGold's picture





That's a balk there......runner take your base.

Peter Pan's picture

I think the Russians privately threatened them with a meltdown of their computer systems.

I am more equal than others's picture




Did someone play Taps for Dimon?

I hear them playing the $21 billion printing salute....

power steering's picture

It's all about Jamie's bonus. 100% of the JPM business model is geared toward boy wonder's year end monetary fiesta.


BTW wonder why this wasn't reported on CNBC? Wonder no longer: Jamie is to CNBC as Baraq is to BSNBC

Tabarnaque's picture

The damage is done. Too late for excuses. What a stupid blunder. The Russians will accelerate their move away from the Western World controled financial system.

Looney's picture

Jamie pulled out a condom with the White House logo and tippy-toed into the “Sanctions” room.

10 seconds later he came out with the condom over his head and a nailgun up his ass.

The End


Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Vlad probably told Jamie how much he liked silver.  And how much he was going to buy if Jamie didn't back off.

Mister Ponzi's picture

Hey, Jamie: This is why Putin is richer than you!

zerozulu's picture

Hay Vlad, for the good of the whole world don't change your mind. Please.

Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Someday the Western banking cartel will have too many enemies to manage.

Old Man River's picture

Theys all the same, folks. Putin doing a Tai Otoshi or catching a catfish just makes him look cool. All the other knuckleheads run around scratching their watches and winding their rear-ends. Theys all just plum wrong just the same. Now I won't get no votes, but I am my own favorite world leader.

ParkAveFlasher's picture

I suppose that theys all are as well. Thus, I did done vote you up.

Againstthelie's picture

And they didn't even know the above video clip yet...

Rubbish's picture

Wow he is a mother fucker. That owner was pawned like a little


Gold Bitchez

PT's picture

What's that saying again?  "A Smith & Wesson beats four Aces".  Or in this case, "An AK-47 beats five Aces".

Ummm, I don't know. 

Headbanger's picture

One doesn't become leader of Russia being a wimpy slime ball like the one we've got leading the US now!


daveO's picture

So, bankers aren't running Russia like the US.

Perfecthedge's picture

That was excellent.  Especially the part where he demands his pen back!  I raise you this one - Putin cold stares Obama and makes him clearly nervous.  Eyes of cold steel:



Headbanger's picture

Good one!  I'm moar impressed Vlad had the discipline not to burst out laughing in Obozo's face for being such an ass clown!

Makes me think, bear sit, bear listen, bear see weakness, bear have lunch!


We've made the same mistake with Russia as Hitler in trying to push them back since the USSR fell apart.

What did we think?  The Russians were just going to keep taking it!?   NOTT!

Overfed's picture

"Give me back my pen."  :-D

JR's picture

And here's Vlad's faith in contrast to Obama's misplaced faith...

The Difference Between Putin and Obama. - You Got to See This!!  

“CONTROLLED WESTERN MEDIA has been waging a savage campaign against Vladimir Putin for the last 8 years??? WAIT TIL YOU HEAR THIS!!.........” from Brother Nathanael

The differences in between Putin’s and Obama’s manner and presence are tremendous but one rising difference is substantial. And that difference is in their official recognition of the Christian religion,


In 2011, Putin observed Easter Sunday services in Moscow joining 4 million Russians in celebrating their nation’s holiest day of the year and appeared on television to publicly celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. By contrast, that same Easter week, Obama was noticeably silent on the Christian religion and instead announced and celebrated the First Annual White House Passover Seder, a Jewish Passover ceremonial ritual at the White House by bringing in photographers and a myriad of his Jewish staffers – a ritual Obama has celebrated every year he has been in office.

To sum up the difference, Putin announced in 2010 that the founding of Christianity in Russia in the 10th century would be a new national and public holiday. At the same time,  Obama announced that the month of May, traditionally known as the month America celebrates its war heroes, would henceforth be known as Jewish American Heritage Month.


daveO's picture

Muhammad said, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'. 

Unknown User's picture

People still buy in to the myth that the government is in charge of the banksters.


“Let me issue and control a nation’s money and I care not who writes the laws" - banksters

kellycriterion's picture

Against all reason, all historical evidence,despite massive logical contradictions, the politicians and bureaucrats are just puppets meme, is repeated endlessly on these pages. Why? Even if it were true how would operational reality be changed? The growth of corruption, of oppression is based on the growth of government and the centralization of power.

There's only one answer that amkes sense. The subliminal message that indirectly supports the explicit lies of Democratic Socialism, Liberalism, and really all the isms. Namely that if we could just get the right people, just make reforms, just do some tweeking, the Great God of Government could be made to do our bidding.

Spastica Rex's picture

Conservatism? Objectivism? Capitalism?

zerozulu's picture

Putin successfully demonstrated that these snacks actually got no teeth.

kellycriterion's picture

Debating point sophistry? Anything that isn't predicated on small government, limited governemnt is going to range from slippery slope to outright power grab.

Conservatism and capitalism are meaningless words. You can pick your definition.

Spastica Rex's picture

You can pick your definition.

There's some sophistry right there.

How small is "small?" How limited is "limited?" How about "predicated" on no government - is that too small?

Do I pick my own definitions, or do you pick them for me? How do we communicate when we don't have a common language?

Ghordius's picture

isn't it the whole purpose of newspeak to make sure that certain things can't be discussed anymore?

you just have to declare -isms as uncool and "all the same to me". poof! job done, one generation lost to newspeak

Raging Debate's picture

Uknown User - Correct. The quote from Rothschild was certainly true.

"The bankers own the place." - Senator Dick Durbin circa 2009

Ghordius's picture

is it correct... in China? in Russia? See what Putin is replying to JPM

I'd argue that it's not correct in the eurozone, where industrial interests generally trump financial interests

I would not argue about London, though, or it's sister across the Atlantic

LawsofPhysics's picture

Correct.  The "club" is about to get a lot smaller...


either way, I am sure the oligarchs will be well positioned for this...

as for joe six-pack, not so much...

fonzannoon's picture

Hey Tyler can we celebrate the 5yr anniversary of this bull market by doing some "where are they now? segments? I vote we start with this guy.



LawsofPhysics's picture

That was three years ago fonz..

fonzannoon's picture

my guess is he still is saying all the same things at the car wash he works at.

GetZeeGold's picture



we celebrate the 5yr anniversary of this bull market


Awesome bull market.....terrible economy.

CheapBastard's picture

"I was acting on the advice of my lawyers."



tarsubil's picture

I remember that guy. Makes me wonder if there is never going to be a bear market again and it is all Zimbabwe from here on out.

pelican's picture

It is amazing how stupid people on the Hill and Executive are.  F..cking children.   McCain, Obama, Kerry and the rest of the Ivy school twats.


daveO's picture

From your lips to God's ear, hopefully. Putin stands for more freedom than the NYC-DC cabal.

Aussiekiwi's picture

It was such an incredibly brain dead thing to do in the first place it is hard to imagine Jamie had any knowledge of it at all, come on, he would have had to have had a lobotomy to think this was going to end without retaliation, has JPMorgan secretly got some massive short on the future of the petro dollar.....I can't think of anything that makes sense, these bankers are very very smart, not brain dead morons, so there must be a profit angle.

I guess that is another point for Putin, would be nice if the home team could stop shooting themselves in the foot with red lines and stupid ultimatums, maybe if they had talked to Putin first and understood his position with regards the Crimea and its strategic importance to Russia before shooting their mouths off at the start they would be looking more like world leaders now and not little children and Russia would be feeling more like an equal partner and not some tin pot country that the US thinks it can bully, very badly played by the west so far, and China, India and anyone else with disputes within their borders will be watching with great interest and thinking how can I reduce my dependence on the US dollar in the future.

BorisTheBlade's picture

I think if they ever threatened Jamie it wouldn't be "we fry your beloved computers", more like "Jamie, if that payment doesn't process within 24 hours timeframe we suggest you sharpen your skills of collecting knocked out teeth with broken arms".