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Putin 1 - Dimon 0: JPMorgan Unhalts Russian Money Transfer

Tyler Durden's picture


Yesterday when we reported that a "Furious Russia Will Retaliate Over "Illegal And Absurd" Payment Block By "Hostile" JPMorgan", in which we explained that unlike previous responses to Russian sanctions by the West, which were largely taken as a joke by the Russian establishment, this time Russia is furious, we said that "we certainly can not be the only ones looking forward to the epic battle prospect that is Vlad "Shootin" Putin vs JP "Fail Whale" Morgan." Alas the title fight lasted for just about a day, and was won, with a technical knock out in the first round, by none other than the former KGB spy who can now add the whale which manipulates all markets to its trophy case which includes about 100 statues of a crushed and beaten John Kerry. 

Because after shocking the world with its unilateral decision to halt Russian money transfers without a direct order from the administration, Reuters reports that JPM has folded and will process said payment from Russia's embassy in Kazakhstan to insurance agency Sogaz, easing tension after Moscow accused the U.S. bank of illegally blocking the transaction under the pretext of sanctions.

In other words, Putin 1 - Jamie Dimon 0.

More from Reuters:

The confrontation threatened to further strain ties between Washington and Moscow, locked in the worst standoff since the Cold War over Russia's annexation of Ukraine's Crimea region.


"Following consultation with our regulators, we are processing this transaction," JPMorgan said in a statement.


Last month, Washington imposed sanctions, including visa bans and asset freezes, against several Russians close to President Vladimir Putin and against Rossiya Bank, which it said was the "personal bank" for the leader's inner circle.


The destination for the embassy payment was insurance agency Sogaz, which is 48.5 percent owned by Abros, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Bank Rossiya.


Industry consultants in Moscow say financial institutions are unclear about how to apply the new rules in some situations, such as when dealing with subsidiaries of companies which have either been sanctioned or which have shareholders that have been punished.


Several Western investors and their banks are facing quandaries over individual situations.


Guidelines on the U.S. Treasury department's website from the U.S. Office of Foreign Assets Control says that property which is more than 50 percent owned by a person on the sanctions blacklist is affected and advises acting "with caution" when ownership interests are less than 50 percent.


"It is up to private companies and lawyers to figure out who is subject to sanctions," said one Moscow-based lawyer. "Of course (a U.S. bank) is more scared of the American (authorities than the Russian ones)."

Needless to say, this is quite anticlimatic, as we were certainly looking forward to the discovery of JPM documents which would be released into the public domain following the imminent annexation of all JPM offices in Russia. Looks like we'll have to wait a little longer.

Meanwhile, if even Jamie Dimon.... 

....can't stand up to Putin.... who can?


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Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:19 | 4620602 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture





That's a balk there......runner take your base.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:19 | 4620604 negative rates
negative rates's picture

JP hot pants finally caught fire.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:25 | 4620621 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I think the Russians privately threatened them with a meltdown of their computer systems.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:28 | 4620639 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Unilateral? Really?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:34 | 4620655 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture




Did someone play Taps for Dimon?

I hear them playing the $21 billion printing salute....

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:42 | 4620672 power steering
power steering's picture

It's all about Jamie's bonus. 100% of the JPM business model is geared toward boy wonder's year end monetary fiesta.


BTW wonder why this wasn't reported on CNBC? Wonder no longer: Jamie is to CNBC as Baraq is to BSNBC

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:44 | 4620688 Tabarnaque
Tabarnaque's picture

The damage is done. Too late for excuses. What a stupid blunder. The Russians will accelerate their move away from the Western World controled financial system.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:45 | 4620694 Looney
Looney's picture

Jamie pulled out a condom with the White House logo and tippy-toed into the “Sanctions” room.

10 seconds later he came out with the condom over his head and a nailgun up his ass.

The End


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:54 | 4620729 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Vlad probably told Jamie how much he liked silver.  And how much he was going to buy if Jamie didn't back off.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:15 | 4620798 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Here's Vlad in action taking on greedy people:

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:31 | 4620861 Unknown User
Unknown User's picture

"Who is your favorite world leader" poll - Putin 77%, Obama 6%, Cameron 3%

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:40 | 4620892 Mister Ponzi
Mister Ponzi's picture

Hey, Jamie: This is why Putin is richer than you!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:19 | 4621024 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Hay Vlad, for the good of the whole world don't change your mind. Please.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:33 | 4621305 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Someday the Western banking cartel will have too many enemies to manage.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:58 | 4621165 Old Man River
Old Man River's picture

Theys all the same, folks. Putin doing a Tai Otoshi or catching a catfish just makes him look cool. All the other knuckleheads run around scratching their watches and winding their rear-ends. Theys all just plum wrong just the same. Now I won't get no votes, but I am my own favorite world leader.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:03 | 4621186 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Good luck!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:35 | 4621479 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I suppose that theys all are as well. Thus, I did done vote you up.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 16:40 | 4622549 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

And they didn't even know the above video clip yet...

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:40 | 4620893 Rubbish
Rubbish's picture

Wow he is a mother fucker. That owner was pawned like a little


Gold Bitchez

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:45 | 4620910 PT
PT's picture

What's that saying again?  "A Smith & Wesson beats four Aces".  Or in this case, "An AK-47 beats five Aces".

Ummm, I don't know. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:54 | 4620939 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

One doesn't become leader of Russia being a wimpy slime ball like the one we've got leading the US now!


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:04 | 4620974 Fast Twitch
Fast Twitch's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 15:58 | 4622406 daveO
daveO's picture

So, bankers aren't running Russia like the US.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:18 | 4621244 Perfecthedge
Perfecthedge's picture

That was excellent.  Especially the part where he demands his pen back!  I raise you this one - Putin cold stares Obama and makes him clearly nervous.  Eyes of cold steel:


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:31 | 4621282 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Good one!  I'm moar impressed Vlad had the discipline not to burst out laughing in Obozo's face for being such an ass clown!

Makes me think, bear sit, bear listen, bear see weakness, bear have lunch!


We've made the same mistake with Russia as Hitler in trying to push them back since the USSR fell apart.

What did we think?  The Russians were just going to keep taking it!?   NOTT!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:30 | 4621294 albanian
albanian's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:15 | 4621440 Overfed
Overfed's picture

"Give me back my pen."  :-D

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 13:10 | 4621590 JR
JR's picture

And here's Vlad's faith in contrast to Obama's misplaced faith...

The Difference Between Putin and Obama. - You Got to See This!!  

“CONTROLLED WESTERN MEDIA has been waging a savage campaign against Vladimir Putin for the last 8 years??? WAIT TIL YOU HEAR THIS!!.........” from Brother Nathanael

The differences in between Putin’s and Obama’s manner and presence are tremendous but one rising difference is substantial. And that difference is in their official recognition of the Christian religion,

In 2011, Putin observed Easter Sunday services in Moscow joining 4 million Russians in celebrating their nation’s holiest day of the year and appeared on television to publicly celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. By contrast, that same Easter week, Obama was noticeably silent on the Christian religion and instead announced and celebrated the First Annual White House Passover Seder, a Jewish Passover ceremonial ritual at the White House by bringing in photographers and a myriad of his Jewish staffers – a ritual Obama has celebrated every year he has been in office.

To sum up the difference, Putin announced in 2010 that the founding of Christianity in Russia in the 10th century would be a new national and public holiday. At the same time,  Obama announced that the month of May, traditionally known as the month America celebrates its war heroes, would henceforth be known as Jewish American Heritage Month.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 16:04 | 4622419 daveO
daveO's picture

Muhammad said, 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:57 | 4620740 Unknown User
Unknown User's picture

People still buy in to the myth that the government is in charge of the banksters.


“Let me issue and control a nation’s money and I care not who writes the laws" - banksters

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:01 | 4620963 kellycriterion
kellycriterion's picture

Against all reason, all historical evidence,despite massive logical contradictions, the politicians and bureaucrats are just puppets meme, is repeated endlessly on these pages. Why? Even if it were true how would operational reality be changed? The growth of corruption, of oppression is based on the growth of government and the centralization of power.

There's only one answer that amkes sense. The subliminal message that indirectly supports the explicit lies of Democratic Socialism, Liberalism, and really all the isms. Namely that if we could just get the right people, just make reforms, just do some tweeking, the Great God of Government could be made to do our bidding.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:15 | 4621015 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Conservatism? Objectivism? Capitalism?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:28 | 4621051 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Putin successfully demonstrated that these snacks actually got no teeth.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:55 | 4621158 kellycriterion
kellycriterion's picture

Debating point sophistry? Anything that isn't predicated on small government, limited governemnt is going to range from slippery slope to outright power grab.

Conservatism and capitalism are meaningless words. You can pick your definition.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:23 | 4621269 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

You can pick your definition.

There's some sophistry right there.

How small is "small?" How limited is "limited?" How about "predicated" on no government - is that too small?

Do I pick my own definitions, or do you pick them for me? How do we communicate when we don't have a common language?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:28 | 4621289 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

isn't it the whole purpose of newspeak to make sure that certain things can't be discussed anymore?

you just have to declare -isms as uncool and "all the same to me". poof! job done, one generation lost to newspeak

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:27 | 4621283 Raging Debate
Raging Debate's picture

Uknown User - Correct. The quote from Rothschild was certainly true.

"The bankers own the place." - Senator Dick Durbin circa 2009

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:34 | 4621307 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

is it correct... in China? in Russia? See what Putin is replying to JPM

I'd argue that it's not correct in the eurozone, where industrial interests generally trump financial interests

I would not argue about London, though, or it's sister across the Atlantic

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:46 | 4620700 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Correct.  The "club" is about to get a lot smaller...


either way, I am sure the oligarchs will be well positioned for this...

as for joe six-pack, not so much...

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:47 | 4620707 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Hey Tyler can we celebrate the 5yr anniversary of this bull market by doing some "where are they now? segments? I vote we start with this guy.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:50 | 4620714 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

That was three years ago fonz..

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:51 | 4620718 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:01 | 4620964 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Nail gun?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:05 | 4620981 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

my guess is he still is saying all the same things at the car wash he works at.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:53 | 4620717 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



we celebrate the 5yr anniversary of this bull market


Awesome bull market.....terrible economy.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:33 | 4620874 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

"I was acting on the advice of my lawyers."



Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:56 | 4620946 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

I remember that guy. Makes me wonder if there is never going to be a bear market again and it is all Zimbabwe from here on out.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:04 | 4621397 pelican
pelican's picture

It is amazing how stupid people on the Hill and Executive are.  F..cking children.   McCain, Obama, Kerry and the rest of the Ivy school twats.


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 15:56 | 4622393 daveO
daveO's picture

From your lips to God's ear, hopefully. Putin stands for more freedom than the NYC-DC cabal.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:47 | 4620920 Aussiekiwi
Aussiekiwi's picture

It was such an incredibly brain dead thing to do in the first place it is hard to imagine Jamie had any knowledge of it at all, come on, he would have had to have had a lobotomy to think this was going to end without retaliation, has JPMorgan secretly got some massive short on the future of the petro dollar.....I can't think of anything that makes sense, these bankers are very very smart, not brain dead morons, so there must be a profit angle.

I guess that is another point for Putin, would be nice if the home team could stop shooting themselves in the foot with red lines and stupid ultimatums, maybe if they had talked to Putin first and understood his position with regards the Crimea and its strategic importance to Russia before shooting their mouths off at the start they would be looking more like world leaders now and not little children and Russia would be feeling more like an equal partner and not some tin pot country that the US thinks it can bully, very badly played by the west so far, and China, India and anyone else with disputes within their borders will be watching with great interest and thinking how can I reduce my dependence on the US dollar in the future.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:30 | 4620644 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

I think if they ever threatened Jamie it wouldn't be "we fry your beloved computers", more like "Jamie, if that payment doesn't process within 24 hours timeframe we suggest you sharpen your skills of collecting knocked out teeth with broken arms".

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:03 | 4620763 BigJim
BigJim's picture

I doubt it. Jamie probably has security up the wazoo.

I suspect Putin engineered the little pop in POG as a reminder to Dimon and the US that that's the weak spot in their entire ponzi.

When Putin dies I wonder if there's another strongman waiting in the wings, or if the Anglo-American empire will have spent a few more billions on 'democratic' institutions in Russia to see to it they vote in another puppet.

Interesting times. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:38 | 4621491 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Does the Russian oligarchy have a farm system?  If so, do they have many lefties?  You can always trade out lefties for some depth these days.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 17:36 | 4622723 screw face
screw face's picture

Mike Morgan of the Morgan Family Trust, told Jamie, "down boy".

Russia has real farms, and real farmers, plus most Russians grow food, far less reliance on retail shopping, get it.


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:13 | 4620789 Cheyenne
Cheyenne's picture

That's quite plausible given Putin's background.

In response to the 1972 Munich Olympics massacre, the Soviet Union created the Alpha Group in 1974 to deal with terrorists going forward. Putin was in the KGB from about ’75 to ’90.

The Alpha Group had quite the track record of successes against terrorists like Dimon. The 1985 Beruit episode is particularly instructive:

“[I]in October 1985, Alpha Group was dispatched to the war-torn Beirut, Lebanon. The Kremlin was informed of the kidnapping of four Soviet diplomats by the militant group Islamic Liberation Organization (a radical offshoot of the Muslim Brotherhood). It was believed that this was retaliation to the Soviet support for the Syrian involvement in the Lebanese Civil War.”

Here’s where it gets good:

"However, by the time Alpha arrived, word spread that one of the hostages had already been killed. Through a network of supporting KGB operatives, members of the task-force identified each of the perpetrators involved in the crisis, and once identified, began to take the relatives of these militants as hostages. Following the standard Soviet policy of no negotiations with terrorists, some of the hostages belonging to Alpha Group had been dismembered and their body parts were sent to the militants. The warning was clear: more would follow unless the remaining hostages are released immediately." (emphasis added)

Looks like Putin might have used Federal Express to send a head to Dimon. In any event, Obama’s attempt to hide behind Daddy Dimon’s skirt is—like pretty much everything else Obama does—an abject failure.

Washington, D.C. had better get real smart, real fast. But it won't.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:09 | 4621205 Rafferty
Rafferty's picture

The level of theft from ships moored at Port Harcourt Nigeria was, maybe still is, phenomenally high.  Despite heavy expenditure on security heavily armed gangs had no trouble getting their way.

No country's ships were safe.....apart from those from Russia.  Paradoxically they had very little visible security compared to the others.  But it was well known locally that any would-be thief that ventured on board a Russian ship was never seen again.  Whole gangs were disappeared.  Simple as that.  No sounds of gunfire, no bodies found, no complaints from the Russians.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:05 | 4621407 pelican
pelican's picture

More likely radioactive poison in his soup.

Fri, 04/04/2014 - 04:00 | 4620748 ilion
ilion's picture

I have to admit guys, this Putin is some guy! Maybe we should have Putin run JPM? Now that would be a bank then! This Armada Markets forex guy ( may have been right yesterday when he said that Putin may be much smarter than people think.

Jamie, how is it to wake up and feel a big bazooka in your ass? 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:02 | 4620762 TheMeatTrapper
TheMeatTrapper's picture

Somebody woke up with a horse head in their bed. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:04 | 4620765 TruthHunter
TruthHunter's picture

What's with New Yorkers?


First they mess with a Indian Diplomat, now they go after Russian Diplomatic structure.

They are just as bad as Al Qaeda!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:21 | 4621033 Chump
Chump's picture

That's not an absurd thought at all.  In semi-related news, Russia's GLONASS satellite constellation went dark for 11 hours.  I don't buy into theories (conspiracy or not) unless I can find and understand supporting data.  I know enough about GPS to know that the redundancies built into these systems make it hard to see how this could be anything other than a deliberate human action.

This truly is unprecedented, not so much the length of time it was down, but the fact that it was down at all.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:49 | 4621119 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

How the FUCK does this 'ease tensions'? Put a loaded gun to a man's head, pull the hammer back then say, 'Sorry, changed my mind!'

Do or do not, there is no undo. They managed to look vicious and weak all at once - quite a feat even for this Administration.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:31 | 4620624 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

After consultation with Regulators, JP Morgan decided to process the transation....I call BS!  I'll bet fear of  the Russian KGB/Mafiya made Jamie nutsack shrink. Even Satan couldn't protect him against the Siloviki.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:49 | 4620712 Tabarnaque
Tabarnaque's picture

What about the US Embassy in Moscow fearing Putin’s retaliation and no longer being able to finance their “fifth column” pussy riots in Russia...

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:25 | 4620627 BandGap
BandGap's picture


Sound a bit like "reverse drinking" after a long night out.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:44 | 4620909 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Closer to un-de-virginising....

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:27 | 4620638 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Smart move Jamie boy..  Cause you was about to get whacked KGB style..

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:47 | 4620705 free_lunch
free_lunch's picture

And all it took was a for Dimon to watch youtube:


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:57 | 4620735 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:47 | 4620919 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:15 | 4621232 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

I nominate Vlad Putin as head of the DoJ: A Man Who Can Do What Eric Holder Could Not: Stand up to Jamie Dimon.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:32 | 4620636 Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

From now on, Putin, or any other head of state should just converse with Dimon, blankfein, soros, Walton family, et al. if they want to bypass the b.s. political platitudes and have real negotiations. Since these are the people that control America anyway, It's more logical and less annoying working with them instead of dealing with an egocentric Obama or Dubaya whom constantly make horrible decisions.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:36 | 4620659 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

More Mickey Mouse moves gone awry... It's been a while since da boyz won a round against Putin.

This match is being decided on points, not TKO or KO... so far.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:57 | 4620741 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

JD's cufflink....proof that America has further sunk into a fascist state.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:05 | 4620980 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

This time he got a direct order from the administration. Oblabla can't surrender fast enough; he's going to start taking French lessons.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 11:20 | 4621253 Freddie
Freddie's picture

What are those cufflinks?  Illuminati or NWO?

Putin should tell the USA - no rides to the Space Station and just partner up more with China.  Also no resupply or supply to Afghanistan through Russian territories.   The USSA is a joke now.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:08 | 4621419 TheMeatTrapper
TheMeatTrapper's picture

"What are those cufflinks?  Illuminati or NWO?"


Worse - FedGov.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:20 | 4620605 BiPolarFrenchman
BiPolarFrenchman's picture

Why is the cuff link highlighted? 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:21 | 4620607 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



You didn't look straight at it......did you?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:24 | 4620622 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

lmfao that's hillarious!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:33 | 4620645 Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

In fact I did, and I.......... Uh.... Wait..... Sell silver buy stocks! BTFATH!

Why can't you guys see things my way!!!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:21 | 4620609 cossack55
cossack55's picture

White House logo

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:41 | 4620678 smacker
smacker's picture

The motif looks like a 21st century Swastika to me.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:42 | 4620680 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

White House logo on cuff links... I suppose those are the 'famous' cuff links Jamie wore when testifying before legislature.

Reminds me of a punkish stunt a 'teflon don' would pull... about as subtle as a bull in a china shop.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:20 | 4620606 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

"I'm the daddy now, next time, I'll fucking kill ya"

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:34 | 4620653 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Go big daddy.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:53 | 4620719 grunk
grunk's picture

To show Jamie there are no hard feelings, Putin sent Jamie a set of KGB cufflinks.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:21 | 4620611 AdvancingTime
AdvancingTime's picture

Does this mean JP didn't want to be responsible for starting world War three?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:26 | 4620632 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Too late.

I'm guessing six months until it goes hot.If I were a PTB, I would give Obozo

the polonium cold cure to really get this going.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:21 | 4620613 Dick Gazinia
Dick Gazinia's picture

Fuck you Jamie!  Don't bring a pillow to a sword fight.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:53 | 4620926 Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

Knowing how this ended, it was Vlad doing the soft pillow talk with Jaime over the phone... after making his asshole wider by 15 inches from the fuckup of JPM playing wannabe State Department.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:22 | 4620617 rucunus
rucunus's picture

Hey Jamie, do you feel Vladimir's thumb ?

How come you can see both his hands, then ?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:23 | 4620618 esum
esum's picture

Dimon is a two bit scumbag interfereing with ussa foreign policy for his own benefit. I am sure Putin called him and layed it out in clear terms. Jamie.... release the $$$ or we visit you and your family. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:24 | 4620620 ZeroPoint
ZeroPoint's picture

The dollar is finished. The US government is finished.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:56 | 4620947 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

You promise?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:25 | 4620623 1835jackson
1835jackson's picture

Putin #Winning!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:25 | 4620626 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Putin is the king of global badassery.  I love the guy.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:26 | 4620628 A_Nejad
A_Nejad's picture

stuuuupid J-street bitchezzz.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:26 | 4620631 Calculus99
Calculus99's picture

Not hard to predict. Russians are good for business, profits, and above all bonuses!

If these banks could deal with the drug cartels they'd be even more money to go around. Oh, sorry I forgot, they already are dealing with the cartels!

See, all money is good money whether clean, dirty or very dirty.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:26 | 4620634 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture

About time Ivan sent some of the associates to deal with these pricks..... ok for the wall street rabble to fleece the sheep but shaving a bears ass is quite another thing..... 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:33 | 4620651 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Yeah.. And don't mess with bears doing their laundry either!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:27 | 4620635 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Nothing more enjoyable than seeing how weak Jamie Dimon actually is. The fuck.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:27 | 4620637 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Another sign of weakness.  US can't really do anything short of major war.  Many say that can't happen because they don't have the money I wouldn't bet on it.  Hopefully that doesn't happen or we'll all be finished.  

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:09 | 4620776 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Besides any funding issues for world war, we've also got a military with morale at all-time lows....more military deaths by suicide than combat related now.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:28 | 4620640 spellbound
spellbound's picture

Seriously?!? Are they improvising as they go along? Is this amateur hour?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:28 | 4620641 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

they almost got corzined

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:29 | 4620642 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

 I will drop this down on the thread because it is OT but that guy at Ft. Hood yesterday was (supposedly) an Iraq war vet with ptsd. As opposed to covering the random "banker" related deaths so much I hope at some point ZH shines some light on where the real suicides are taking place, because it is astonishing how many of them there are, and it is awful

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:39 | 4620669 kito
kito's picture

gosh fonz that is awfu........oh look the dow is red........oh no!!!....this is awful!!!!!!...........................

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:46 | 4620682 cbaba
cbaba's picture

This is a symptom of banksters - fed printing countless billions of dollars and lending it to us government to go and fight wars around the world..Very sad indeed.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:59 | 4620952 One of We
One of We's picture

Just in time to push the Benghazi hearings off the front page too....

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:04 | 4620973 negative rates
negative rates's picture

I guess that's why they called it a "truck driver".

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:30 | 4620643 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

One has to wonder at what level these decisions with geopolitical consequences are being made.

Does this go all the way to the top?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:32 | 4620646 Kina
Kina's picture

Jamie boy, also Putin's group no problem in cutting your throat either as an example to other banksters. These are not your paid for politicians and your own turf your just a little spoiled boy. Putin's thugs happy to remind you that you and your family can pay for any American style bankster games in your back dude.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:31 | 4620647 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:36 | 4620654 Cursive
Cursive's picture

I still think Bank of Rossiya should work out its own global payment system for debit and credit card payments.  Hell, they could probably buy discover card/diners club or something, except that USG wouldn't approve it.  Maybe use an Chinese or Indian bank to make it happen.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:42 | 4620663 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

"Diner's club Russia", where you get 3 buckets of picked chicken gizzard with every bucket of Kishka.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:46 | 4621507 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

May I have some nice pre-staled bread with that please, and another tea saucer of bird berries?  And waiter, this water doesn't taste rusty enough. #russiareality

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:36 | 4620662 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Remember that a bank "chose" not to process money because they didn't like someone.  Do not let these arrogant asswipes hold your wealth.  They will "chose" to not let you use it.  These finance pricks are riding high on their brand of foreign policy where they are not accountable to any population while they pay a few people to get looting rights.n  Now they brazenly attempt to set national policy with embargos.  They will not end well. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:54 | 4620730 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

"They will not end well." 

I take your point Q but it will end well for some... gotta put yourself in the shoes of your competitors.

It's a truly ill wind that blows no one good.

Meanwhile O is working on his hand-e-cap... and Nero is said to have fiddled while Rome burned. Back story; Nero wanted a new palace built on what was ablaze.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:39 | 4620671 IronShield
IronShield's picture

I'm so happy I bought the extra-large tub of buttered popcorn!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:40 | 4620674 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

Putin "Too late Jamie, our retaliation measures will stay in place. Perhaps next time you will try using your head before you act."



Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:45 | 4620686 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture


I love the post indicating Putin versus America. They are on the same side.. It's all a show. Obama wants to take America down and make global social and economic justice. Putin is just obliging. Destroy the dollar.

We have elites against the general population, no matter what nation.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:48 | 4620709 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Correct, but don't think for one second that it won't be really entertaining when the "elite" start eating each other...

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.”
Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:58 | 4620745 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

Yep, the pie is shrinking but the predators want the same size slice as when the pie was larger...

Interesting indeed... and it doesn't leave much pie for us little folk.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:50 | 4620689 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Does this mean that Val won't be shoving any cuff links up Jamie's ass?  Rats.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:45 | 4620695 whidbey-2
whidbey-2's picture

JPM is coping with the US leadership which is inept at best.  Russia is just one of our problems, the other is Obama and his menions.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:46 | 4620698 grunk
grunk's picture

Jamie walked outside the office and all he saw were people carrying umbrellas with sharpened ends, so he reconsidered.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:46 | 4620701 Heiman Van Rock...
Heiman Van Rockerchild's picture

Whew, that was a close one, no reason to own gold anymore.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:47 | 4620706 Latitude25
Latitude25's picture

So why did JPM cave in?  Because this whole Russia sanctions game is just theater for the muppets.  Just a distraction from massive currency debasement and economic failure.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:48 | 4620710 Last of the Mid...
Last of the Middle Class's picture

Our idiot in chief just called the Ryan budget a "stinkburger"! Are you kidding me? The president of the United States said stinkburger? That is something a 7 year old would say. How could one of the most powerful men in the world utter such nonsense? And we expect him to go up against the KGB bear Putin? Looks to me like Putin is already running part of the US. My money is still on lots and lots of unknown Snowden files, it's making more sense every day. Stinkburger? Really, how completely incompetent. What a clown!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:28 | 4620847 TheMeatTrapper
TheMeatTrapper's picture

President Dwayne Elizondo Camacho knows how to communicate!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 12:52 | 4621520 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I imagine Ryan's response was, "It is NOT a stinkburger.  Jerk!"  Because, that's where we are as a nation.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:53 | 4620725 The wheels on t...
The wheels on the bus are going to fall off's picture

At some point the FED has to un-taper, war is an obvious reason to start printing again! tick tock tick tock time is running out, the FED will have totally reversed in 5 more months and the entire Stock Market will start shaking like a shitting dog at 6:00am.

What better way to deleverage the GDP / Debt Ratio by going to war!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:54 | 4620731 Kina
Kina's picture

Should hire Russia to do some bankster culling. They are in plague proportions now and left to breed will destroy the environment.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:55 | 4620733 Nico Bellik
Nico Bellik's picture

putin 1

opompous -1000

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 10:50 | 4621134 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Ur avatar is great!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:56 | 4620739 rustymason
rustymason's picture

The end of "The Jewish Century" will be welcomed by one and all.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:57 | 4620743 StupidEarthlings
StupidEarthlings's picture



"The confrontation threatened to further strain ties between Washington and Moscow, locked in the worst standoff since the Cold War over Russia's annexation of Ukraine's Crimea region"


Confrontation? .. seems more like Putin is just doing whatever he wants..without much opposition. 


Dont cross this red line or else...okay..dont cross this one...fine..this one?..this one...this one..etc...


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 08:59 | 4620750 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture


Putin on Fallon last night

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 14:31 | 4621998 813kml
813kml's picture

Down vote:  Too much Palin.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:04 | 4620764 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

its unilateral decision to halt Russian money transfers without a direct order from the administration,

I am not trying to insult people's intelligence here, but it seems that they go from grand conspiracies, to individuals. One time it's the MIC, then next it's Obama.

Unilateral decision? No direct order? C'mon, really?

I think this was a warning shot, trial balloon, call it what you like, but with plausible deniability it seems to me this was a deliberate action.

Or is all the downgrades of Russia and their banks also the work of 'independent' agencies and not another facet of a financial war. 

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:04 | 4620768 Joe Tierney
Joe Tierney's picture

Russia and its banks moving quickly to dump the dollar in Russia's exports and imports:


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:05 | 4620769 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Someone in JPM's trading (er hedging) operations must have finally told Jamie about the bank's derivative exposure to Russia.

Oh, never mind.

Rosanne Rosanna Danna


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:05 | 4620770 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

A chill crept up the man-gods spine.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:07 | 4620772 grunk
grunk's picture

So even our banksters are incompetent?

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:10 | 4620774 MFLTucson
MFLTucson's picture

Like to see Putin destroy Dimon, Soros’s and Blankfien, would be the best thing to happen in America.  If you’re waiting on the US congress of paid liars and whores to control the Wall Street abuse, it will never happen, they will just keep their hands open waiting on campaign contributions as American people line up for food stamp programs and bankruptcy filings!

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:18 | 4620813 Incubus
Incubus's picture

It's going to come down to a line.


It's either Joe Schmoe will prove that he has a spine, and use force, or he will welcome his new masters.


It always comes down to violence.  It's only a matter of when you're willing to accept that reality.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:09 | 4620777 nah
nah's picture


Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:09 | 4620778 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

I'm sure Jamie will get a nice, fat bonus for this.

Thu, 04/03/2014 - 09:12 | 4620780 MFLTucson
MFLTucson's picture

The coward folds when confronted by a real man!

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