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Russian Politician Demands Banning McDonalds After Fast Food Chain Halts Crimea Operations

Tyler Durden's picture


A few weeks ago, when the US announced the first set of sanctions against Russia, we jokingly commented that among the possible retaliations would be a Russian explusion of that global US permastaple, McDonalds. As it turns out, yet another "joke" may be on its way to becoming the truth.

The reason: overnight, newly Russian citizens in the Crimea discovered that they will have to live without Big Macs for a while after McDonald’s suspended operations on the Crimean Peninsula after it was annexed by Russia. In response, infamous Russian nationalist member of parliament, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, has demanded that every McDonald’s restaurant in Russia should be closed and the business evicted from the country.

Japan Times has more on the first part of the story:

The omnipresent U.S. fast-food chain said in a statement, posted on its Ukrainian website and taped to the front doors of its shuttered restaurants, that the decision was taken “for manufacturing reasons beyond the company’s control.”


The news hit 21-year-old Lilia especially hard because she had been happily employed at McDonald’s until Thursday and had no suspicion that she was about to be out of work.


They told us that we would be closing because Kiev was no longer sending us any ingredients,” she said as a blond girl next to her pulled at the restaurant’s locked door in vain.


Yet the move out of Crimea by the world’s biggest hamburger maker reflects a much broader uncertainty among Western firms about their positions in Russia following the Kremlin’s military intervention in Ukraine.


McDonald’s insisted that it wants to reopen the stores “as soon as there is an opportunity.”

So, the official version is that Kiev was no longer in the pink slime processed meat delivery business when it comes to newly annexed territories? Perhaps JPM was also not in the money transfer business for all companies east of the Volga river, because Kiev wouldn't supply the cables?

Joking aside, Russia was not only quick to see through the real reason for the shutdown, but did what it has done all along in the relentless Tit-for-Tat when it comes to the future of Ukraine: it re-escalate. From Telegraph:

The fast food chain became embroiled in the fall out of the worst diplomatic crisis in years when it closed its three Crimean chains.


McDonald’s announced the temporary closure of its outlets in Simferopol, Yalta and Sevastopol, due to what the company called “operation reasons beyond McDonald’s control.”


The company offered its Crimean staff jobs at any other outlet in mainland Ukraine and has promised to reopen the restaurants as soon as possible. But as far as some of the more hawkish elements in Moscow are concerned, the damage has been done.


“McDonalds closed their outlets in Crimea. Very well. We’ll close the rest. I’ve given instructions to all city divisions of the Liberal Democratic Party to hold pickets at every McDonalds,” Mr Zhirinovsky said on Friday.


It’s muck, why poison our citizens,” Mr Zhirinovsky added in the outburst.

Well... he is right, as "court jesters" usually are.

While Mr Zhirinovsky is widely viewed as the court jester of Russian politics, his trademark outbursts are occasionally used as trial balloons for schemes that do eventually become policy.


If this is one of those cases, other iconic American food brands may also have to watch out.


Mr Zhirinovsky suggested that after closing every McDonald’s restaurant in the country, he would move on down a hit list of brands.

And after the Bolshoi Mak is gone? "Then we’ll deal with Pepsi" Zhirinovsky said.

Russia aside, considering America's own problem with runaway, pardon the pun, obesity and spiraling healthcare costs, isn't it time Kiev also halted sending ingredients to US-based McDonalds restaurants?


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Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:28 | 4628061 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Looks like McDonald's same store sales growth is going to really suck in Crimea this month.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:33 | 4628075 Truthseeker2
Truthseeker2's picture



Obama’s Ukraine Fiasco Will Trigger US-EU Economic Ruin…

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:41 | 4628098 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



"I'm lovin' it."



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:43 | 4628106 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

NO Bigg-MACK For YOU, Commrade...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:49 | 4628117 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Crimeans Just Got Handed To Them An EXTRA 10 YEARS Life Expectancy !!!
Thanks MCD...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:58 | 4628137 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

NO Pink Slime for YOU

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:07 | 4628151 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

Dear Vlad,

You're only half right.  The way to cause real pain to America is to ban McDonald's in Washington, DC, not Crimea.   You'd have rioting and protests at 1600 in under 15 min.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:35 | 4628207 cossack55
cossack55's picture

"Burger Czar"?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:39 | 4628214 nmewn
nmewn's picture


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:47 | 4628228 666
666's picture

An unexpected, but welcome, outcome for Crimeans! Not only will they not have to pay the 40% per year gas hike, 1% tax on their bank accounts over 100K HRY, deal with a debt in the billions owed to China and Rusia, etc., now they will be healthier than their Ukranian counterparts.

So when will the rest of Ukraine join Russia?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:29 | 4628313 svayambhu108
svayambhu108's picture


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:37 | 4628328 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

McDonalds food SUCK's anyway. Close 'em all I say.

Sun, 04/06/2014 - 00:30 | 4629356 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

NWO, new relics. McDonald, the first goat to be sacrificed when two tribes take their arms up in the air.

Sun, 04/06/2014 - 12:43 | 4629922 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture


You were a day early (with your post...)   :-)

Sun, 04/06/2014 - 10:30 | 4629726 scrappy
scrappy's picture

Wherz Czar Burger?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:07 | 4628146 PT
PT's picture

No loss.  Hungry Jacks is waaaayyy better.  Mind you, even HJs is crap really.  No-name mum-and-dad hamburger shops ARE THE BEST.  Hamburger costs twice as much?  Who gives a shit, they're still affordable PLUS THEY'RE EDIBLE AND TASTY AND REAL.  I mean, honestly, anyone can produce cheaper crap if what they make doesn't actually do what it is supposed to do.  I could sell you a car for fifty bucks if you didn't mind having a cardboard cutout.  Maccas can give you cheaper burgers if they taste like slimy cardboard.  But that is not what real burgers are about.

Oh yeah, do you want some fiefdom fries with that?

And, and, and, FREE TRADE WILL MAKE THE WORLD MORE PEACEFUL!  (MSM tolled me sew - menny, menny times.)







Actually, and I really hate to admit this, one of the best burgers I ever had was from a big - chain hardware store that had an in-store cafe.  Not sure if they still make 'em, but those burgers were top quality.  Sure they cost more than McDs and co (maybe 50% to 100% more, I really can't remember) but I was an adult apprentice living by myself at the time and I could still afford to buy them. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:10 | 4628284 Aussiekiwi
Aussiekiwi's picture

I have always had an atrocious diet, I'll shovel anything in, massive chocolate eater,bacon and eggs for breaky, love cheese and lots of fatty chops fried, oh yeah potato fried in chop fat, yum yum,  friends I know are astonished, I only have 2 rules. no soda or sweets apart from dark chocolate. No takeaways. Had Tests about 6 months ago, I'm in my fifties, I'm slim, cholesterol a fraction high, blood pressure spot on, no prescription medications, I had a theory 30 years ago that you could eat anything you wanted and as much as you wanted provided you did not drink soda pop like drinks or eat takeaways and I applied it, I walk a couple of hours a week too. people used to eat lots of fatty meat, eggs,bacon etc in the old days, but they were not fat. Its takeaways that does it, sugar and doughy processed flour crap, and drinks with 20 teaspoons of white sugar in them.

Went to the mall at 12:30 one day there was a queue outside MacDonald and one outside the health food takeaway next to it, the health food takeaway people were all slim, tha MacDonald queue was 9 fat people for every slim person, I reckon eating at Mac Donald's is an IQ test, and they take their kids there, how much must they hate their kids to do that to them.


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:22 | 4628299 daveO
daveO's picture

LOL! I agree completely with your diet. Sugar(and starch) kills. I quit MCD's when they quit cooking fries in Beef Tallow. They were awesome back then(about 25 yrs ago). Back then, the customers had to pay for soda refills. That, alone, explains why they've gotten so big.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:42 | 4628454 flapdoodle
flapdoodle's picture

I took my four year old son to McD once because he insisted in a Happy Meal with a Toy Story goodie. OK, I hadn't gone to McD for a *long* time, and had never taken him before, so why not?  He took one bite out of the hamburger and put it down in disgust to play with the Happy Meal toy. He wouldn't touch i anymore.

Smart boy! But McD can't be *that* bad, and I used to love their burgers and fries when I was in High School many years ago, so II says to myself, it would be a shame to throw away a "perfectly good" hamburger. I was on the Atkins diet at the time, so said, what the heck, took the meat (?) patty out of the bun and took a bite of the meat.. Yuck...had to spit it out.  It was *really* foul - I hate to think what it does to ones health...

Haven't been back in twelve years and never will again.

I can see that without the sugar-laden hamburger bun  the game would be up for McD, except of course that the sheep have become accustomed, or maybe McD improved the pink slime flavor over the years...

Now In-n-Out Hamburgers, that's something else...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:30 | 4628317 BellyBrain
BellyBrain's picture

So then you basically eat high protein, high fat, moderate-to-low-carb, but with lots of chocolate?  Sounds pretty good...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:40 | 4628335 Wraith
Wraith's picture

What you are describing is the paleo or primal diet.  It is an attempt to return to the eating of our predecessors (the ones before all the sugar and rubbish got added to EVERYTHING). It works really well for everyone because it is the natural way of eating for humans: high fat, moderate protein, low carb (and only natural carbs - not processed ones).  It's effectively how our grandparents ate. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:27 | 4628525 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

When I have a fast food craving I go to a local, small family cafe or drive-in. In such places you can find Real Food. No, you won't get it within 30 seconds, but it won't dump junk in your system that'll cause problems that'll stick with you. Like with anything, its buyer beware.  Local places aren't all necessarily good, so you have to shop around. But, mickieDs are uniformly horrible.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:07 | 4628153 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

They don't need to actually ban McDonalds ... just change "Dollar Menu" to "Ruble Menu."



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:34 | 4628199 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Maybe change "Five Guys" to "Five Comrades".  Money maker for someone.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:25 | 4628431 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

In Syria, Iraq and Libya its the Rubble Menu

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:15 | 4628292 daveO
daveO's picture

May as well shut down Russian stores. Very few black customers there to advertise to.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 20:11 | 4629002 Double.Eagle.Gold
Double.Eagle.Gold's picture

We Russian's tend to be about 2-3x smarter, on average, than Americons.


We avoid the fast-food fever, prefering instead to poison ourselves with vodka.



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:44 | 4628101 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:57 | 4628130 Jam
Jam's picture

Maybe they will think of running the community organizers home turf into the ground next.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:33 | 4628077 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Blessing in disguise.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:36 | 4628083 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

Yep. You have to keep the Russian and Ukrainian women hot. Getting rid of mcD's will go a long way towards making sure they don't turn into copies of Bovine-Americans.

Can't have a million dollar body when you eat from the dollar menu!!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:58 | 4628138 UselessEater
UselessEater's picture

mmmm...add Soviet hard labour and you have buff man eye-candy instead of blokes with verandahs over the toy shop!

as an aside, in Port Douglas (Carins, Australia) there is a beach front hotel with private pools with a GLASS front across the road from a kids playground. Imagine the shock and laughter one day when a lilly white tubby guy went for a nude swim in his private pool. We saw a big white tummy with a little bauble bobbing behind, we laughed too loud and all the kids turned to look.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:17 | 4628169 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Grapping all the Monsatan execs and sending them to break rocks in Siberia would guarantee him a Nobel Prize.


Unless of course that instituion is corrupt too, hint hint, Obama's prize.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:36 | 4628084 remain calm
remain calm's picture

No special sauce for you.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:37 | 4628087 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

The more you ban these shit burger outfits the potentially more healthy your people will be.  Go ahead and ban them all.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:38 | 4628541 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

I used to go to this tiny cafe attached to a shooting range (Seattle area). They only had three tables and was owned by a lady that came over from the newly fallen USSR.  I used to order a stuffed cabbage and borscht soup with a dollop of sour cream. Absolutely delicious and I think it was $6 with a soda. The lady hadnt quite figured out American pricing yet.

Why people around the world bought into the American fast food fix when they have so many delicious and healthy cuisines, I'll never know.  They would do themselves a favor by eating real food again.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:23 | 4628170 kashey
kashey's picture

It won't be for long. Russia raised gas prices from 265 to 485 dollars, because 2 discounts ( 1 - to support Yanukovich and 2 - to pay for Sevastopol naval base) are not applied any more. Ukraine said it will not pay more than 265. As well they don't pay anything for consuned gas in February and March, as well I' m sure they will have no money to pay further. So very soon we'll see new round of gas wars with Russia reducing its gas flow for volume of Ukraine's gas consumption, and Ukraine stealing gas meant for Europe, and Europe blaming Russia for "using gas weapon to blackmail Europe". So Ukraine will economically collapse and probably dusintegrate as a state, there will be nobody to economically block Crimea.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:42 | 4628220 Snidley Whipsnae
Snidley Whipsnae's picture

Kashey... Ukraine is going to need NATO troops but not for the reasons msm is spouting now.

NATO will be sent in to stop the theft of gas bound for western europe by Ukrainian government. 

Not the outcome that our leaders envisioned.

And forget that story about US gas liquification headed to western europe to replace Russian gas... It ain't gonna happen... more pie in the sky.

"The Insanity Of U.S. Energy Independence & Cracks Beginning To Appear In The Natural Gas Industry"


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:00 | 4628261 Canary Paint
Canary Paint's picture

And the average weight of Crimeans will decrease, too... Through sanctions, Crimeans will be slimmer and healthier. With any luck, they will be sanctioned by Monsanto, the pharmaceutical industry, Hollywood TV & movies, and the IMF. Crimeans will be superhumans in 50 years if so ;-p

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:36 | 4628327 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Fear not, for the weather excuse is now global..

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:58 | 4628378 rabbitusvomitus
rabbitusvomitus's picture

Ruh Roh!  There goes this quarter's profits....


Moscow politician calls for all 400 McDonald’s outlets in Russia to be shut down after fast-food giant exits Crimea

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:05 | 4628389 Freddie
Freddie's picture

McDonalds = scum Chicago suburbs company serving GMO Frankenfood and pink slime. MCD is a Obam voter EBT/WIC hangout. 

F MCD, McCain, Obam, Schumer and O's govt of dual citizens and Nudelmans.

Eat McDonald's shit fake food at your peril.

Russia needs Chick Filet and Jesus.  Their food is actually tolerable and far better than McDonld's Pink GMO Slime.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:46 | 4628558 stant
stant's picture

A few fries short of a happy meal

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:28 | 4628062 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

There had been a thing about "no two countries with Mickie-Deez have ever gone to war with each other."

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:42 | 4628104 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



So, now that they're closed; let the war begin!



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:26 | 4628184 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

"When Big Macs don't cross borders, soldiers will."

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:35 | 4628206 Unknown Poster
Unknown Poster's picture

"Who run burgertown?"

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:29 | 4628065 ymom11
ymom11's picture

There is an interesting theory that no two countries with McDonald's restaurants ever went to war with each other...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:37 | 4628086 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

really ;-0

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:56 | 4628129 nmewn
nmewn's picture

lol...because when you're really hungry, you eat whatever you can find.

When you eat whatever you can find, you wind up eating hallucinogenic wild plants. When you eat hallucinogenic plants, you start seeing things that aren't really there, like imaginary cake & cookies. When you try to live on fantasy pastries you will wind up starving to death.

Don't starve to death.

Its absolutely imperative we spread McDonalds to every corner of the world! ;-)

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:24 | 4628180 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Hey  nmewn, lol

"Don't starve to death."

I really hate it when that happens.

- Ned

{global warming is catching on here, finally, thanks the gods}

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:34 | 4628201 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I heard that, been a long, loooong winter...but now down here, I'm fighting the Carbon Vortex (tree leaves shedding) and the pollen has everything coated in a yellowish-green.

Its like Gaia is mad at the world...or

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:05 | 4628273 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

what's wrong with your trees?  Isn't that carbon vortex thing composed of odourless, colourless, invisible plant food?  Or are the trees on some kind of vegetable jenny craig diet?

And when the pollen strikes here, Mrs_Meat isn't the most comfortable person around.

- Ned

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:16 | 4628422 zhandax
zhandax's picture

The pollen is so bad here the junkies are converting their meth back into sudafed

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 23:18 | 4629269 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

don't cha' know ;-)

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:36 | 4628209 ymom11
ymom11's picture


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:30 | 4628070 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

Whatever you do, don't make jokes about a constitutional convention.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:42 | 4628103 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

Really....ok here goes.

What do you get when a bunch of land owning ,slave holding, elites get together to hold a second Constitutional Convention....(the first one produced the Articles of Confederation).

You get Federalism and America as it is today.'re right.....there's nothing really funny about Constitutional Conventions.

After all.....look at our history.  George Bush was right.  The (2nd) Constitution is just a goddamn piece of paper.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:52 | 4628122 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

You think the 3rd time will be the charm?

I don't believe that the second convention was perfect. However, it is .gov that has gone and fucked the thing up. (2nd being limited as it has is the best example I can think of). The only way to keep the power in check is to limit the power of the federal .gov. Anything short of that is only a matter of time before it devolves. The Swiss system is the model where the federal .gov there is all but toothless.

If they get together expect some variant of the following: health-care rights, gay rights, balanced budget, radical curtailing of 2nd and the 4th. I would expect the balanced budget would exempt us in the event of war and I would expect a declared war within months I not weeks. Even if it is in paper only just to keep the debt addiction flowing.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 17:50 | 4628671 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

"The Swiss system is the model where the federal .gov there is all but toothless."

My friend....that was the way the Federal end of things were in the Articles of Confederation.  But "Federalism", fought over and won by the "Federalists" wing of the Conventioneers, set us up for what we have today.

.Gov and Obama are nothing new.  They are just stepping on the accelerator even harder than ever.  But that accelerator has been getting a workout by both Republican and Democratic administrations and Congresses ever since 1789.

We could have a new Constitution every year from here to doomsday.  It won't solve a thing.  Humanity is the problem.  And there is no solution to that.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:33 | 4628078 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

O wants his cake and to eat it too

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:36 | 4628085 Grin Bagel
Grin Bagel's picture

It's things like this that make me grin so much :>)

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:37 | 4628089 matrix2012
matrix2012's picture

That's what will happen when a company is engaged in the politics plays. McDonald will pay a hefty price for involving itself in this NATO bloc versus Russia tit-for-tat. Yet nothing to regret for the Russian part, the Russian people may come out healthier without all the junk food.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:38 | 4628090 SmilinJoeFizzion
SmilinJoeFizzion's picture

I'm more perplexed that McDonalds has a freaking restaurant on the Crimean peninsula

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:54 | 4628126 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

Please don't insult restaurants.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:13 | 4628158 PT
PT's picture

McDs et al = Slop Shop?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:40 | 4628093 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Obama is not qualified to manage a McDonalds, was again promoted above his ability level, and he fucked that up too!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:40 | 4628095 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Ban them, Walmart and Target in the US. Why does it have to be Russia that does the right thing for its citizens.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:43 | 4628108 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Boston banned Chick-fil-a.  We love being taken care of by Menino and his boyz. - Ned

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:10 | 4628408 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Yeah Chick Fil-a actually serves real food while McDonalds serves slime to subhumans.  Soylent Green is better than McDonals shit. 

The only people with any guts were the Domino's Pizza taking orders during the Boston lockdown and the resident who walked there to get his pizza.  They are the closet damn thing to Paul Revere in Boston.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:03 | 4628156 Leaping Lizard
Leaping Lizard's picture

Maybe, just maybe, Putin doesn't want to kill off his beloved Russian people, unlike Obozo and his handlers for the endangered American sheeple.  Looks like he is going to ban GMO swill next. If he bans chemtrails in Russian skies, I will be a believer.

Putin  1

Monsatan 0

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:41 | 4628099 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture

“It’s muck, why poison our citizens” While this is absolutely true, if the sentiment were sincere, they'd have to ban vodka too, merely to avoid rather blatant hypocrisy.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:46 | 4628113 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

Vodka does have some medicinal merits.  Moderate usage of course and the occasional disinfectant if no other solutions are around at the time.  Makes a great Molotov Cocktail when the time comes for a little rebellion and can help start a fire under difficult conditions.  Not to mention to pass the time with a long lost friend.

But a GMO, antibiotic infused shit burger ?  Drinking Vodka behind that MIGHT....just MIGHT kill off some of that shit as its going down the gullet.


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:31 | 4628192 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I'm McMolotov, and I approve this message.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:51 | 4628239 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

High proof vodka is also the ideal liquid for producing medicinal tinctures from various herbs (not really much different from how they make that flavored foo foo vodka, except that is actually does treat illnesses and other medical conditions). 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:13 | 4628288 Mr Giggles
Mr Giggles's picture

Also works as anti-freeze.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:24 | 4628307 daveO
daveO's picture

I thought that's why Russkies drink it?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:32 | 4628318 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

And uncle-freeze too!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:55 | 4628250 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Don't you EVER say that about scotch!!!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:54 | 4628127 rwe2late
rwe2late's picture



You failed to mention ALL the other things which are harmful,

from cigarettes to soda, from strip minining to cluster bombs, from x-rays to drunk driving, etc. & etc.



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:50 | 4628109 One of We
One of We's picture

Rumor has it Russia already accepts rubles to settle transactions from the dollar menu.  I wonder what could be next.....

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:44 | 4628110 Grin Bagel
Grin Bagel's picture

MacDonalds, Pepsi, CocaCola....historical CIA fronts internationally.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:23 | 4628411 813kml
813kml's picture

The Russians probably realized that the Happy Meal toys are bugged by the NSA.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:45 | 4628111 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

According to Reuters, Vlad is single again! Swinger baby, yeah!

I wonder if he gets emails from those Ukrainian women dating sites?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:14 | 4628416 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Reuters has been a Red Shield front company going back to the Battle of Waterloo.  F Reuters - more propaganda to make Putin look bad. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:45 | 4628112 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Getting rid of "shit"! 

To Russia good thing you're running "Ronald" out of the Country!

Your heart, stomach, large and small intestines and more importantly your colon will be -Thanking you!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:51 | 4628121 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Two losers here:  consumers and the workers at these outlets. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:55 | 4628128 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

The fast food worker is always the loser as is anyone thinking they benefit from eating at McDonalds.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:18 | 4628174 PT
PT's picture

Expropriate the stores, rebrand them and re-tool them to sell real burgers.  That'll take a lot of local heat off the Russkies.  Yeah, I don't think it'll happen that way either.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:53 | 4628125 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

Damn, reality is shaping up like a 1960's Hollywood farce about powerful nations in conflict.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:26 | 4628308 daveO
daveO's picture

With BHO, I'm thinking The Mouse that Roared.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:57 | 4628132 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

Eating McShit is worse then smoking.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:39 | 4628212 UselessEater
UselessEater's picture

Soros will fix all that, Mc Dope smoking for all.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:57 | 4628133 olenumbersix
olenumbersix's picture

O NO !! not mcdonalds...... NNNNOOOOOOOOO.......

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 12:58 | 4628134 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

<-- no freedom fries for you bitchez

<-- they will be much healthier now

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:02 | 4628144 aleph0
aleph0's picture

Reminds me of the days when the French wanted to ban the words  "Weekend"  & "Email" ... to protect their culture.

The UK parliament had a good laugh and suggested banning the words "Champagne" , "Brie" , "Croissant" etc.

IIRC, there is still a fine in France if you use those words.

Anyone know ?  .... just out of interest .

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:51 | 4628238 JR
JR's picture

And remember in 1999 when José Bové plowed a bulldozer into a local McDonald’s fast-food restaurant and, later, a convoy of tractors decorated with banners supporting Bove's struggle to defend traditional French farm products against fast food accompanied him through the southern French countryside to his 8:30 a.m. appointment at a prison near the Mediterranean city of Montpellier?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:08 | 4628154 erg
erg's picture

Weapons of mass consumption.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:13 | 4628160 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

McCrack waits for quarters end THEN announces this...guess q1 numbers are gonna be tight....

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:15 | 4628164 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Awesome. Putin is the world's only hope against the New Bolsheviks.


He could ignite their film industry by making a $100m (bullion of course) film about the true story of the Bolsheviks and how their descendants have destroyed the entire global economy and ecosystem.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:18 | 4628172 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I can see MacDonalds reopening its Crimean store very very soon.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:14 | 4628508 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Vlad (in tough guy pose)

"Crimea river, Clown. Get lost!"

(boot seen kicking clown out door)

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:22 | 4628177 OMG
OMG's picture

In other news.....CIA Official Dies in Apparent Suicide!


File this under Yeah Right category.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:55 | 4628248 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

I figure a CIA guy has access to guns and that would be how he would take himself, one to the back I mean fore of the head. Instead he thought he could fly from the roof of a building...

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:35 | 4628326 dumbStruck
dumbStruck's picture

Jumping from a building is one of the best ways to kill oneself. It's a fast way ( aside from the time falling through the air ) and a sure way provided you jump from a reasonably high location. No one else gets hurt as long as you make sure no one's walking beneath you. A gun to the head, well you can miss, blow out only some of your brains and spent years as a vegetable case. It's not easy to shoot straight at your own head your hand could shake or just not be aimed good enough to do a clean shot. Once you go off the high place there's no changing your mind half way through as in other ways of self killing, no half way dead afterwards. Someone in the cia would probably know enough not to try using a gun if it could be avoided, especially a handgun of course. There really isn't too many fast, sure and reasonably painless ways to go. Jumping is about the best really. You won't miss the ground and it's lights out instantly when you hit.

This isn't an endorsement !

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:13 | 4628505 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

It's also obvious you do not know from actual experience.


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:48 | 4628562 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Not true.

My wife suggested that I bite on the barrel if my hand shook.

Problem solved.


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:26 | 4628183 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Will American global-hegemonic corporate-culture really be challenged? We'll see. I think any real test of the empire will require it; it's as necessary as a challenge to western economic structures.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 19:11 | 4628872 813kml
813kml's picture

The burning question:  Will Ronald McDonald become the next Franz Ferdinand?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:29 | 4628189 dogismycopilot
dogismycopilot's picture

i love how the US propaganda machine calls Russians dumb. freaking people invented the Periodic Table of Elements.

No McDonalds to pollute their brains...they probably will add IQ points to their children's children by avoiding that poison.


Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:45 | 4628224 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I agree. It would be interesting to see what percentage of Russian kids play chess compared to the kids in the USA.

Actually I would be surprised if American kids actually could even name the
various chess pieces.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 18:39 | 4628763 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I don't think half of Americans can find the North American continent on a world map.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:12 | 4628501 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Also, Ziolkovsky invented the first modern type rocket.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:36 | 4628200 JR
JR's picture

The McDonald’s explanation is very believable because a western-based corporation depending on many western-based media outlets would have loved to blame the Russians ("because this reminds us of Hitler") for its shutdown in Crimea.

But if it does turn out that the McDonald’s Corp made this decision because of the Crimea vote and Crimea's subsequent annexation to Russia, then it would be very appropriate for Russia to ban McDonald’s.

This, however, appears to be a decision made in Kiev. The Kiev mobsters are unelected pygmies. And one of their first thoughts was to ban the Russian language. They are not exactly responsible representatives of the people…they are representatives of a faction.

And by the way, Russia’s presence in Crimea is not exactly intervention, as stated by the Japan Times. But intervention does apply to the IMF-NATO coup that captured the Kiev capital.

As for the “infamous Russian nationalist member of parliament, Vladimir Zhirinovsky,” who proclaimed in Sevastopol when a crowd outside the city administration gave him a hero's welcome, shouting "Russia, thank you"…

"I want all Ukrainians, especially in the south-east, Crimea, Sevastopol, to know that they are not alone, that they will never be left in distress, that nobody will ever allow any violence, not a single hair to drop from a head of any resident of Sevastopol or Crimean peninsula”

…what’s wrong with that? (MWC News, 02/28/2014)

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:42 | 4628219 Fractal Parasite
Fractal Parasite's picture

In Bolivia McDonalds invested 10 years and a lot of FRNs to establish their nutritionless shit and eventually gave up and left the country.

As usual, the imperialists failed to grasp the mindset of their subjects.

McDonald's closing all restaurants in Bolivia as nation rejects fast food. Thursday, June 13, 2013

"The rejection of the fast food system stemmed from Bolivian's mindset of how meals are to be properly prepared. ... The time it takes for fast food to be prepared throws up a warning flag in their minds."

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:34 | 4628321 daveO
daveO's picture

So, Bolivians don't like clowns and are raacissts. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:46 | 4628225 undertowed
undertowed's picture

Who goes to McDonald's anymore? Numbers don't lie and their numbers suck!

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:44 | 4628337 daveO
daveO's picture

I can tell you about the ones here. Blacks with a bad attitude and 'tattoed up' YT's. I went there last summer. The blacks walk around like they own the place, right down the middle. I fully expected to either knocked down, or be knocked by, one of them. They intentionally bump into you, trying to take the whole floor. MCD's deserves what it gets, it's advertised exclusively to 12% of the population for years and takes whites for granted. I'll never be back. I'd rather eat out of a can of beans, like the old days.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:09 | 4628495 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

"USG Closes Mickey Dees, Race Riots Ensue"

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:48 | 4628231 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

If you're not familiar with Vladimir Zhirinovski, let me tell you who he is. He's been around since before Yeltzin. He's a laughing stock of the entire parliament. Not a single person in the country takes him seriously. He's a frequent subject of parodies and jokes. He has no authority and holds no power. All he's famous for is making statements and getting into physical fights with other politicians.

His name shows up on ZH quite often, but treat his statements as nothing more than entertainment.

You want to know what Zhirinovski is like? Imagine political expertise and charm of Sarah Palin and militaristic agression of John McCain rolled into one.

How else would I put it... Zhirinovski to Russian politics is what Uwe Boll is to moviemaking.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:55 | 4628249 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Even if he s a sarah palin and john mccain rolled into one, at least the Russians only have to put up with one person instead of two.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:15 | 4628290 JR
JR's picture

Unlike McCain and Sarah Palin he is anti-Zionist. Does this mean the criticism of him on this blog is pro-Zionist? Just asking.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:30 | 4628316 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

The funny thing is that Zhirinovski's father is a Polish Jew, yet his son is famous for his frequent antisemitic statements. He's not merely anti-zionist, he's plain racist when it comes to ethnic minorities in Russia and regarding Jews especially.

When confronted about his own lineage many years ago, he famously responded that his mother was Russian and his father was a lawyer.

It became a national in-joke and a polite way of accusing someone of being a Jew and/or a hypocrite.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:46 | 4628352 daveO
daveO's picture

Takes one to know one, I guess. They said the same thing about Hitler's ancestors. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:08 | 4628492 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Well, I think all US Congressmen and Senators are Anthony Weiners.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:55 | 4628372 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Thanks for the link.

The reason the Western media loves this character is because they want to portray the entire political process in Russia as if it's handled by people like him, when in reality he's truly one of a kind.

I remember the Yeltzin era and how he was the subject of numerous comedy sketches and jokes here in the US. When Putin came to power, eveything changed. All of the sudden, Russia was no laughing matter. Both, people on the outside and on the inside started taking the leader of the country seriously. Putin, despite his ties to corruption and his agressive oligarch-disposing methods, is highly respected. He's not perfect, but very well may be a perfect match for Russia with its unique public mentality.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:02 | 4628267 Fractal Parasite
Fractal Parasite's picture

He said a few months ago that Ukraine would split - one part going to Russia and the other part to the EU.

But don't take everything he says at face value.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:07 | 4628280 Leaping Lizard
Leaping Lizard's picture

Can he field dress a moose or set his own aircraft carrier on fire?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:10 | 4628283 JR
JR's picture

If a Jewish politician in America would consistently downplay his Jewishness, insisting that it’s not nearly as important as being an American (Zhirinovsky puts his Russian heritage first), the mainline media would say that not a single person in America supports this guy and he’s just a joke.

Or is it that Zhirinovsky expressed admiration for the 1996 US presidential election 1996 contender Pat Buchanan? Or that Zhirinovsky himself is an Eastern Orthodox Christian?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:18 | 4628297 NoPantsSpongeBob
NoPantsSpongeBob's picture

Zhirinovsky on his ethnicity: "My mother was Russian and my father was a lawyer."

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:27 | 4628310 JR
JR's picture

Easier to say I guess than my father was Vol'f Isaakovich Eidel'shtein.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:30 | 4628437 shutdown
shutdown's picture

He's a great guy, a true patriot, too. I love his kind of talk:  "If I'm elected Russian soldiers will be washing their boots in the Indian Ocean within 90 days." Zhirinovski. 

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:13 | 4628503 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

The problem there is that no man would follow him into battle or respond to his orders.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:26 | 4628526 zigizigi
zigizigi's picture

Zhirinovski is a political freak and no one takes him seriosly in Russia, that's true. But the thing is not about himself being a clown. It's not about personality, it's about a political technology. He was created by KGB to voice thoughts and opinions that Kremlin officials cannot deliver within the boundaries of political etiquette. His is Joker at the king's court.

And KGB is doing their job damn well. His qrotesque escapades got media attention and publicity. The more noise about it is there - the better. This is about spreading the word. And this is exactly what they want and what they get.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:52 | 4628240 Black Forest
Black Forest's picture

“They told us that we would be closing because Kiev was no longer sending us any ingredients,"

Kiev never sent me any ingredients. I am almost 60 yrs old and still alive. You will survive that, too.



Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:53 | 4628243 monopoly
monopoly's picture

I knew our elected officials were clueless to real life, but I had no idea they are all this stupid. Can you imagine any of them working for a real company and actually doing something productive. Never mind. Could never happen.
This is so embarrassing. What a sad country we have become. A nation in decline.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:54 | 4628244 tuttisaluti
tuttisaluti's picture

Glad to know how to make a hamburger myself. It's more fun anyway to stay in front of my BBQ with

A beer in the hand.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:56 | 4628252 A_Nejad
A_Nejad's picture

All vegetarian here, so fuck'em all

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:01 | 4628379 shutdown
shutdown's picture

Same here. 

Wed, 04/09/2014 - 03:51 | 4638480 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

so when SHTF we know that you are grass-fed animals suitable for making burgers from?

Not that I'm interested but pretty much advertising you're 100% ready to be premium soylent-green... meh.

You're grass-fed, not grain-fed, right?

Is A_Nejad organic?

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:56 | 4628251 Mr Giggles
Mr Giggles's picture

What a great way to improve the health of the nation, think off all the saved medical bills.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 13:58 | 4628257 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Think about this, McDonald's probably closed their stores in the Crimea upon "request" from the DC US, which I don't know for sure, but seems par for the course. Imagine if that is the case and they refused.

Would they be targeted for "laundering" money from burger sales in the Crimea?! Selling burgers to "terrorists?!" I could go on, but it just shows how absurd the DC US is.


Sidenote: ZH is probably going to get sued for calling McDonald's food "pink-slime." Not that I disagree, but I don't think that ZH is popular in elite circles as it is.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:25 | 4628298 Leaping Lizard
Leaping Lizard's picture

"Technically" pink slime is meat with a previous huge bacteria count that has been bathed in concentrated ammonia to kill off most of the bacteria.  When TSHTF about this, MickyD was front and center using this practice.   So since libel is writing untruths, they could only sue ZH under the basis that they no longer practice pink sliming, which they contend is the case.  I doubt they would want the renewed publicity nor legal discovery demands to ascertain whether they have, in fact, discontinued their pink slime practice.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:22 | 4628304 JR
JR's picture

Great! observation, kchrisc.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 15:41 | 4628451 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Pink slime would be a compliment for the shit GMO frankenfood McDonalds serves.  Total poison and garbage.  The last time I went there, the fries had some slimy after taste from the disgusting oil they use.   I only ate fish sandwiches which became trash of fish parts and the fish "patty" and cheese was the size of a postage stamp.

McDonald's is a joke like America, Obama, Democrats and the RINOs who support them.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 16:08 | 4628494 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

One weekend while having a family BBQ, the topic of fast food as food, or not, came up. So I took one completed burger and a portion of homemade fries and put them in the fridge. Later that evening, I brought home a Q-Pounder with cheese and some fries and put them in the fridge.

The next evening we reheated everything in the 'wave.' As you may have guessed, the Q-Pounder was so-so ("plastic") and the McD fries were hard and inedible ("nasty"). The homemade stuff was just fine; not fresh, but very edible. The thing most commented on was how the homemade fries were soft, a little on the gooey side, while the McD fries were hard and stiff.

So now fast-food in our house is referred to as "funny-food." Yeah, they still desire it, but they now know that it is not food.

“Instead of the guillotine, maybe imprisonment with only meals of cold “funny-food” would be more suitable? Nah! I prefer the guillotine.”

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:02 | 4628263 JPMorgan
JPMorgan's picture

Oooo no! not McDonalds, you win, we submit.

Big fucking deal (+ fries plz).

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:06 | 4628276 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

My Persian wife understands how to prepare a good, healthy and satifying meal. Takes the time and care of shopping for the best ingrediants. I've never been healthier in my life. Think I'll be moving to Iran soon. Screw this fast food nation.

Sat, 04/05/2014 - 14:55 | 4628371 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

sorry caveman if your wife is from itran she is dangus a potocial 4th collumist

she poisoning you with all this terror food you should be care full you donte turn into an arab.

eat only america and jewish food if you do not want to end up in a fema camp for ajitaters.

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