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Caption Contest: Magnum PI-MCO

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Add a 70s style moustache (and a red Ferrari) and BusinessWeek's Bill Gross cover is the spitting image of Tom Selleck's infamous investigator... but the analogies run deeper as the PIMCO front-man continues to search for his next steps and figure out the past

  • *GROSS ON EL-ERIAN: "I THOUGHT I KNEW HIM BETTER"
  • *GROSS SAYS FOR MOST PART, "I'M THE PERSON I THOUGHT I WAS"

Very philosophical - but as the cover asks "is he really such a jerk?"

 

 

As Businessweek concludes:

Gross served in the Navy during Vietnam, and he can’t help referring to what he learned there about making quick decisions and not bothering about whether others understand or agree. “We want to have a fighting team that sinks the other navy ships, as opposed to a fighting team that’s happy and has to man the lifeboats,” he says. “That’s the danger in this—it’s not all love and kisses and cheesecake dessert.”

 

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Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:15 | 4652338 lasvegaspersona
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Since I'm still unclear on the details I'm not sure which side I'm on.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:16 | 4652341 90's Child
90's Child's picture

Whatever sides against the current agenda.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:25 | 4652366 Algosaurus Rex
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I'm on the side that's all love and kisses and cheesecake dessert.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:31 | 4652392 Arius
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*GROSS ON EL-ERIAN: "I THOUGHT I KNEW HIM BETTER"


well Bill, I know you are an American and dont know much about the world but his name is Mohammed ...

 

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:34 | 4652402 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Sounds like he chose his familiy first and Bill doesn't need an explantion for that.  

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:22 | 4652584 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Well, you don't earn the name 'bond king' by being a pansy. Maybe Mo is a pansy.  Pansies go broke all the same, just quicker because they're so nice about it.

No Mo, no problem, find a team player, get back in the game and lay waste. Fuck em.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 21:29 | 4652796 old naughty
old naughty's picture

He doesn't look any bit like Magnum...and certainly doesn't look like him in "Commisioner's" uniform.

Sell-eck doesn't (look) like pimc-o bill.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 00:17 | 4653174 philipat
philipat's picture

"Am I really such a jerk?"

Um, Yes........

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 11:55 | 4654059 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

If he consistently delivers a return ... does it matter?

This is a bad sign IMHO ... look over here ... see my left hand ...

Regards,

Cooter

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:23 | 4652586 knukles
knukles's picture

So the only food served in the dining room is pork fried rice?

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 21:26 | 4652785 old naughty
old naughty's picture

Are those pork floated (eh, i mean roasted)?

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 23:05 | 4653050 Manthong
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Um.. I only open the sacred crevice to dudes named Mohammed.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 09:52 | 4653752 Kirk2NCC1701
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As I recall... "Mohammed was a prophet"?

Gross, on the other hand...

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:37 | 4652414 BlindMonkey
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If I have to pick a side, I am with you this is the right one.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:20 | 4652349 naughtius maximus
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Hi I'm writing this from my time machine. 2 years ago zerohedge thought Bill Gross was not Gross at all. But this was before the puking insident at the christmas party.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:17 | 4652343 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Yes, people like Gross living like Kings off of regular folks just trying to save their pennies while the FED does ZIRP and devalues the currency - are jerks. 

Gross, Buffet, Dimon, Bernanke, Soros, Icahn, etc. - all jerks - or something much worse.

Human tapeworms probably fits.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:30 | 4652383 ebworthen
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Gross caption: 

"WTF?  I only get paid $200 Million a year, doesn't that make me cool?"

http://blogs.wsj.com/moneybeat/2014/03/11/pimco-trustee-bashes-bill-grosss-200-million-salary/

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:29 | 4652954 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"I mean hey there El Arabian, I was born a poor black child too.

Take a look at how far we've ALL come since Nixon! No more wage and price controls, no more oil embargoes. We've got 'em all by the short ones this time around! Now how about you and I start cutting some deals with the Ruskies just for old times sake!"

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:30 | 4652389 Ineverslice
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Doosh

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:05 | 4652526 Goldilocks
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Kung Fu Panda Skadoosh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyKRjeJBX_Q (0:02)

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:31 | 4652390 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

Is he a good witch or a bad witch?

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 04:44 | 4653404 Boris Alatovkrap
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Sand. Comprise of fecal excrement.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:35 | 4652406 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Comparing Bill Gross to Tom Selleck?  someone needs their meds adjusted...

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 08:52 | 4653604 SoilMyselfRotten
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Sure could have been a brother to Pat Paulsen!

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:42 | 4652431 q99x2
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Silly Wabbit left me a new normal.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:48 | 4652452 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I don't really care for either of these two men.

To me they invest in time bombs (government bonds) and make money on their miniscule movements in value.

To hell with them both.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:31 | 4652959 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

How dare you call our whipsawing of Peurto Rican debt minuscule!

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 23:23 | 4653086 Bdelande
Bdelande's picture

I completely agree....................both very high on themselves................they rode a 25 years Bond Bull market, now that it's going sideways they are exposed for the one hit wonders they were.  Frustrated, they have their panties in a bunch..............pathetic piss ants.

 

 

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:48 | 4652454 Payne
Payne's picture

That style of Gun boat leadership does not exist in the Navy anymore.  That is refered to as "shooting from the hip" or "making it up as you go along".

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:27 | 4652598 knukles
knukles's picture

Well, when I served on the USS Marie Antoinette, we had cake all the time, humanity, diversity, GBLT sensitivity training on the "after" deck... every day was a great day filled with shits and giggles.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:50 | 4652685 infinity8
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I was reading an article about a month ago (?) on CNN (I think?) don't even remember why or what it was about but, it had "LGBTQ" in it more than once. WTF? So, I googled and the Q is for queer. I still don't get it.

And Gross has dementia.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 00:24 | 4653186 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh fuck, man... Out here in the People's Republic of Birkenstocks and California, on a number of documents within the sexual orientation area, there's now a box/check thingamajig for "queer"
Yes, now you can identify yourself as gay,lesbian, transgendered, transvestite, crossdresser, queer, fill in the blank as faggot, slime-ball, whateverthefuck you want.
Not that I care at all, but it does mystify the reader, no?
Like I don't give a rats ass about that.

Can you read, write (including cursive) do maths and think in a constructive or abstract manner as may be required?  Have you read any philosophy, quantum mechanics or Hunter Thompson?  Fritz the Cat?  Have you ever read the Sermon on the Mount?  Why?  Just asking.  So what's it about?  Don't know?  Huh.  Let's talk about Quantum Mechanics, locality and super luminary events...
No?

Sorry, you're not qualified.

No, just because your shirt says "Reinstate the Draft, Accidents Rule at NASCAR" does not make you employable.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 00:38 | 4653211 infinity8
infinity8's picture

Knuks, I did an "informal" survey a few weeks ago - I live in a college town and I asked a group of 3 hanging-around-doing-nothing book store employees if they knew what "diagramming sentences" was. One had no idea. Another said he remembered the "expression" but, couldn't "express" it. The 3rd could actually describe it but said that he remembered spending only a few months on it in 5th or 6th grade. Shit is definitelyy scary right now. (i'm not going back to fix the type-o)

 

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 00:55 | 4653228 infinity8
infinity8's picture

And this is priceless: http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=862026 Lost a million because he was apparently completely unfamilliar with "Achilles".

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 09:11 | 4653666 newdoobie
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I did an informal survey of Bakersfield CA HS seniors, around 500, back in 1995. I gave them a few easy questions;

Who started the assembly line in manufacturing? (stuff like that)

but the killer was

Who won the civil war?

No. 1 We did/ the Americans (the British lost)

No. 2 I don't know

When asked What is a civil war?

No. 1 A war for civilization

No. 2 I don't know

5 out of 500 answered correctly. I gave points for answering the blue side, due to the movie The blue and the gray was rebraodcast in our area the year before.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 12:02 | 4654074 Iam_Silverman
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"sensitivity training on the "after" deck"

In the old days it was known as the "Poop Deck" for a reason.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 19:53 | 4652471 RaceToTheBottom
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Ahhhh, back to the normal ZH weekend selection.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:04 | 4652496 BrigstockBoy
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"Is Your Boss A Psychopath?"

 

http://www.fastcompany.com/53247/your-boss-psychopath

"We're worshipful of top executives who seem charismatic, visionary, and tough. So long as they're lifting profits and stock prices, we're willing to overlook that they can also be callous, conning, manipulative, deceitful, verbally and psychologically abusive, remorseless, exploitative, self-delusional, irresponsible, and megalomaniacal. So we collude in the elevation of leaders who are sadly insensitive to hurting others and society at large."

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:45 | 4652664 I Write Code
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And maybe that's the only kind who can do the job.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:34 | 4652968 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I've been accused of many things but megalomaniacal is not one!

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:13 | 4652548 Cacete de Ouro
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Running a bond fund is just a process made up of a series of smaller processes. Why TF do people think it requires personality cults worshipping people like this Jerk?

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:19 | 4652575 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Number of people who give a fuck about Bill Gross: 1 (Bill Gross)

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:30 | 4652602 knukles
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Mohammed El-Erain.
He probably dreams and fantisizes about Billy encountering a painful death about once an hour

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 09:56 | 4653769 old naughty
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Oh brother,

the Chinese had deaths by a thousand cuts, in ancient time.

So, not fantasy...more likely horrific dreams.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:35 | 4652627 Pairadimes
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Sounds good, Bill, until all those quick decisions and not bothering whether anyone understands has all of us manning the lifeboats anyway, except this time you guys have all the cheesecake. The day we stop suffering pathologically narcissistic leaders like this is the day we start to get some of this mess turned around.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 20:41 | 4652653 Dadburnitpa
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Why does a grown man spend all day on twitter?  What a fucking douche.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:38 | 4652982 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I recommend a professional commentary on Flight ME 370 myself. "As ex-Navy" of course.

"It's really no different from running a bond fund actually. Perhaps you've heard of it? I'm it's Founder and Chairman and it's called...

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 12:02 | 4654075 slightlyskeptical
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Because they are all trapped in the false paradigms that they helped to build.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 21:14 | 4652751 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Sometimes it's best just to shut the fuck up Bill.  This is one of those times.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 21:43 | 4652845 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

I don't care who he is, but Pimco sucks at trading.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:11 | 4652910 notadouche
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I'll be a douche and point out that Magnum PI was a 1980's show.  

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:19 | 4652922 Spungo
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I AM THE BOND KING! PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:28 | 4652948 ToNYC
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He had a good run, but failed to know when time's up. He must not believe in luck.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:43 | 4652994 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Luck has nothing do to with "enter the Mongolian Horde" and "that makes me Bond Emperor now.

You roasted me when Taper went down? I see you and raise you Czar Bomba Bitch."

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 22:50 | 4653001 Pike Bishop
Pike Bishop's picture

El-Erian seems like a reasonably decent chap.  Gross' Total Returns Fund has been a piece of shit for quite some time now.

So Bill is taking redemptions personally?

Through the history of employment the classic "I don't know why he quit" is actually "I refuse to admit to myself why he quit".

It is almost always propagated by "you are fucking insane or a blithering asshole to work for. I don't need this, nor your shit. One more fuckup, abusive rant, or bullshit from you, and you're gonna be on your own."

Of course the narcissistic asshat does it again because nobody is going to tell him what he can and can't do. He doesn't have a God complex, to himself he IS God.

There's nothing to do or explain except press "Send" on your resignation, and get the hell out.

The asshat knows exactly why you quit. He just refuses to admit it to himself.

In Gross' case, he tries to avoid reality by making an imbecilic public display of himself.

At which point, everybody but Bill, knows exactly why El-Erian got the fuck out of there.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 23:05 | 4653049 pitterrier
pitterrier's picture

First, several guys I worked with at Salomon Brothers ended up working at PIMCO and they were all very bright guys.  Next, they worked their asses off and I mean 24/7, never a moment of rest or let up in pressure.  Bill may be getting heat today, but he and a few other partners built am amazingly successful global institution over several decades.  I have been in the PIMCO trading room and have interviewed there for a senior position and the place is scary intense.  I mean crazy scary intense.  The hours are hellish, peer competition constant, perfornace and intellectual pressure just never ends.  Gross is a tough boss, but he pays well, IF you can cut it, and there are simply no excuses.  Old Mohammed might have wanted to chill out and cruise and Bill Gross just does not cruise.  Bill is a one speed guy, full on and that makes him difficult to for and impossible to work with.  Next, Gross is completely BS proof.  Charm does not work on Bill and he is not warm and fuzzy back, ever.  Really, the guy is just insanely focused and driven, which makes him unpleasent to work for.  Outside of work he is as cool, and decent as he is an ass at work.  FInally, Gross did not get stupid over night, so I would not count him out.

Sat, 04/12/2014 - 23:21 | 4653078 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Pretty sure the Titanic was making really good time crossing the Atlantic...

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 03:50 | 4653370 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

$200 million a year to manage bonds yielding 0.50%.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 05:46 | 4653458 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

And if he is making that, he is stealing from those who fund him. It is one cake,you may at anytime eat the crumbs that drop from the table...and you give thanks doing so, on you knees. Fuck them all! They make parisites look almost God like.

 

 

 

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 04:54 | 4653414 Catullus
Catullus's picture

From wsj:

Mr. El-Erian also is working on a book tentatively called "The Rise and Possible Fall of Modern Central Banking: What It Means for You."

Interesting. I'm sure the [Possible Fall] part was added to placate the morons over levered into this thing.

Pimco's is having the Steve Jobs problem. Great that you a have smart guy who obsesses about work and brings success. But they need to have a line of succession here.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 08:34 | 4653572 Canucklehead
Canucklehead's picture

I thought the working title to his book was

The Rise and Possible Fall of Modern Central Banking: What it May Mean for You - All Things Considered

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 07:46 | 4653523 Baby Eating Dingo22
Baby Eating Dingo22's picture

Or does arrogant dickwad seem more fititing?

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 08:35 | 4653574 SmilinJoeFizzion
SmilinJoeFizzion's picture

Pimco- we put the ass in asset

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 08:39 | 4653580 d edwards
d edwards's picture

If you added a '70's style mustache he'd look like Ron Burgundy: Anchorman.

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 08:50 | 4653599 SmilinJoeFizzion
SmilinJoeFizzion's picture

Caption should read "I'd fuck me" with some crappy Cure song blasting in the background, and Bill Gross w his crank stuffed up his Cornhole-very "Silence of the Lambs"esque

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 09:46 | 4653737 Dickweed Wang
Dickweed Wang's picture

"Based on recent events I've decided to change the name of the firm from PIMCO to PIMP, o.k.?"

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 11:08 | 4653944 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

How many ships did Vietnam have to fight?  Another "Hero" like Koward Kerry?? 

And my ass looks more like Tom Selleck than this douchebag does...

Sun, 04/13/2014 - 11:19 | 4653972 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Let them settle it with handbags at two paces. Peak financialization when anyone gives a fuck about their pissing match.

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