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And The Highest Returning "Asset" Class In CNBC's 25 Years Is...

Tyler Durden's picture


Today, in celebrating its 25th birthday, CNBC will have you know that stocks, which have generated returns of over 500% in the past 25 years, are the best asset because, well, "where else are you going to put your money." So if you said the S&P500 is the best performing "asset" class in the past 25 years you would be... wrong.


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Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:19 | 4669576 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:23 | 4669594 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Just think if the FED went public.  What an IPO that would be.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:30 | 4669611 franciscopendergrass
franciscopendergrass's picture

It's been public.  I'm holding Federal Reserve notes.  The fuckers keep diluting the shares.  What a shitty investment.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:31 | 4669617 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Talk about dilution. You nailed it. 

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:35 | 4669634 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture


so .. tell me again who owns shares of that 'fed' thing?


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:47 | 4669678 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture


The best performing asset class is Congress.

Then there's rackets, extortion, illicit drugs, Chinese solar projects, etc., the list goes on.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:40 | 4669900 0z
0z's picture

WTF? Their books isn't an asset. And its cooked. What is this article? I say you woulda done best raising cattle.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:03 | 4670173 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Ich bin flummixed.

... and not for the first time.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:42 | 4670346 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

The 10, 30 and 50 DMA are converging.   Something big is going to happen.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:56 | 4670409 mkkby
mkkby's picture

That Fed stock is a damn good investment.  It's almost like they print money.

Fri, 04/18/2014 - 05:24 | 4672388 ilion
ilion's picture

The ultimate bull market is coffee in 2014. Just crazy movements this year and probably there is more to come. Don't be short this market or you will have a same feeling like Obammer when an F16 flies up his ass.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:42 | 4670348 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

Because jobs.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:48 | 4669682 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

you can google it; sadly the trade in class B non-voting securities are really dilutive and the yield compared to other assets sucks.

Short answer:

the issuance of stock by the regional Fed banks to the member banks.  This stock pays a fixed 6% dividend and gives the banks a claim on the Fed’s annual profits.  

Read more: the 4 second google. cause, stuff.
Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:00 | 4669733 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That's fuckin' hilarious!

I like how it's okay cuz all of the "profits" flow back to the Treasury. Riddle me this... what the fuck do profits matter when you issue the very currency they are denominated in?

I'd call this stupid-squared, but it's obviously far beyond that. It's a giant clearing house, all right. Clearing the wealth right out of everyone's hands.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:47 | 4669925 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

~"Just think if the FED went public."~

Could Snowden come home then?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:51 | 4670392 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Thanks for the link vile,


comment from your link @businessinsider

buckethead on Oct 26, 7:01 PM said:

Does an entity which serves solely as a clearinghouse have the means and authority to purchase failed assets at par, from collusive entities which originally loaned them into existence without first having had real assets with which to purchase these virtually worthless "assets"? In other words, how the hell does a 'clearing house' create multiples of trillions of dollars worth of 'money' from nothing, in order to purchase failed investments thereby making players whole despite their having failed? And you do realize, that all the BIGS were insolvent in 08. All zombies. All counter parties, And all survivors made whole by decree. Clearing house my ass.

Read more:

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:17 | 4670244 raeb
raeb's picture

You know the answer--bankers all.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:32 | 4669622 oklaboy
oklaboy's picture

now if we could just short it...

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:34 | 4669627 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture



Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:36 | 4669640 Central Wanker
Central Wanker's picture

Exactly. The biggest short ever.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:53 | 4669702 Professor Fate
Professor Fate's picture

Fannie, Freddie, and "Feddie"....all broke and busted.  Poor Janet.  She inherited a maxed out credit card from the Bernank.

Fate the Magnificent
"Push the Button, Max"

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:21 | 4669824 CHX
CHX's picture

Exactly, an we've got an extra sale offered to us right now. 

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:43 | 4669668 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Ticker symbol = SHIT

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:33 | 4669623 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

We keep investing in it every day we go to work. We must be idiots!!!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:43 | 4669667 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

And every day we receive less and less value for our efforts.

OTOH, it does make spending the day at ZH a guilt-free endeavor. :)

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:35 | 4669635 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Working hard to taQE away those last two percentage points of your purchasing power.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:00 | 4669717 CHX
CHX's picture

FED: That's bcs we fear defation so much. See GDP = money supply x money velocity. The latter is collapsing due to our policies, so we have to keep propping up money supply, so that GDP does not collapse. Simple. Don't like it? Just hang in there, and we're very sorry for the inconvenience. EOM /sarc

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:51 | 4669936 Libertarian777
Libertarian777's picture

the base is so fkn big right now, if the velocity moved a smidgen we're talking double digit CPI inflation overnight

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:26 | 4670531 AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture

Don't fear the REAPER, er...ugh...DELFLATION.  If it hits big, the truly big guys will be worthless like the rest of us.  Of course Uncle Ben and his blonde bombshell won't let that happen - if - if - they don't lose control.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:49 | 4669931 Libertarian777
Libertarian777's picture



17,000,000,000,000 thumbs up!!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:27 | 4670536 AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture

Well Pard,  I preciate that.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 13:10 | 4670013 DDDingo
DDDingo's picture

Clasic!  LOL!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:17 | 4670246 Drifter
Drifter's picture

I think company stock analogy is the best way to explain what US dollar (FRN) is and how it works.

It's shares of stock in the US govt from a value standpoint, value rising and falling with people's confidence in US govt, value diluted when more "shares" are issued (currency printing).

It's stock shares we use as currency. Suddenly people get the picture, they understand.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:23 | 4670520 AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture

Dat's wut I'm talkin' bout Farmer Bundy.

Fri, 04/18/2014 - 00:49 | 4672168 Fast Twitch
Fast Twitch's picture

Time for a 10:1 rollback...

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:40 | 4669657 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Tyler, what is a "CNBC' ??

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:44 | 4669670 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Sesame Street for suits.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:45 | 4669676 saints51
saints51's picture

A form of crotch rot.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:29 | 4670549 AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 16:22 | 4670765 Fast Twitch
Fast Twitch's picture

"Cheat N B Cheated"

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:25 | 4669599 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Amazing the year everything just went ape-shit.

My daughter is going to kill me when she asks why and how this generation fucked the pooch.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:31 | 4669618 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

Nice steady balance sheet trajectory until.....what event happened in 08-09? Hmmm...

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:52 | 4669698 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You're safe. All you've got to do is to introduce her to the Coup of '13.

The Creature from Jekyll Island should be sufficient.

My daughter was recently looking through my books for something interesting to read, so I directed her to Conjuring Hitler.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:32 | 4670303 walküre
walküre's picture

If your daughter is mad at you for that reason, you've done well in educating her. If she is mad at you because you didn't get in on the action and made millions to buy her the castle and the pink ponies, you might as well jump off a cliff.

Everything depends on your vantage point, I guess.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:42 | 4670601 AGuy
AGuy's picture

What about Gold?


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:20 | 4669581 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Soon, there will be one primary dealer, the Fed. One buyer and one seller for all! Forward USSA!!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:20 | 4669583 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

well actually, if poverty were an asset class, that would be the hands down winner.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:23 | 4669593 Cannon Fodder
Cannon Fodder's picture

Of course the "war" asset class might be coming in a close second...

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:21 | 4669588 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Fuckin stunning...hey good luck with all that shit, Fed!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:24 | 4669598 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

sorry kids.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:26 | 4669602 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Sorry Grandkids.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:28 | 4669608 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Sorry great^n grandkids.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:31 | 4669619 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Thanks Pa and grandpa, ya pricks.


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:38 | 4669644 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

The dawning of the age of Kevorkian and Logan's Run. 

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:41 | 4669660 grekko
grekko's picture

Since when did we have any control over the politicians?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:54 | 4669705 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Well, occasionally they have to duck a shoe or two. While it's not quite control, it is exerting influence.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:30 | 4669600 db51
db51's picture

I've got ths figured out, after sitting on the sidelines in cash and getting ass fucked beyond all recall.   Let's sell everything we have, everything that is not bolted down and invest in stocks. Talk about a moon shoot...holy fuck....within a few hours everyone investing in stocks would be a multi-billionaire.  Just think of the possibilities on this one.     Rince, Lather, Repeat....There is obviously no downside risk to this..EVER!   Think of the tax revenue generated!   At 3:30 know we're going higher, on't even have to sit aroundand worry about a need to BTFD....Mystery uyers will appear miraculously at the close.  There will be no correction to worry about.   I'm seeing Flying Unicorns and Rainbows....Skittles flying out of our ass....No one would ev er have to work...and there would be enough tax revenue to load the EBT cards to the max.   

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:47 | 4669680 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... where did you find this version of the Fed minutes?

"To infinity, and beyond!"

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:54 | 4669706 indmotor
indmotor's picture

Just one problem. Nobody has any Money or anything to sell.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:29 | 4669610 Madcow
Madcow's picture

no reason to panic folks.  so long as you have no debt, a couple $million saved up and a residence in south america - you're going to be just fine. 

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:35 | 4670316 walküre
walküre's picture

South America is turning into a shit hole. No, thanks.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:02 | 4670441 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

The best way to keep the gum chewing public right here on the plantation is to convince them that every other place is "third world".  You've done well.  Uncle Sugar salutes you, Comrade.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:30 | 4669614 pods
pods's picture

And everywhere people are having that feeling that things are getting tighter.  They cannot seem to see where it comes from but their paychecks aren't going as far as they used to.

I see it constantly.  From news stories to more people eating ramens (who aren't in college) on a daily basis, to families suddenly moving.

Too bad 99% of people cannot see where it is coming from, as they still hear the criminal media saying "inflation is low" and other such crap.

Disgusting is what this really is.


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:31 | 4669620 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Look at those tiny little tits of Y2K and Dot com bust... we are so f'd

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:43 | 4669666 pods
pods's picture

Like running over a sail cat versus the Rockies.


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:33 | 4669624 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Rearranging the opening trades for Weibo is taking longer than expected so the opening for that stock has been delayed.  Apparently the HFTs were scuffling to get in line along with the politicians and other insiders.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:44 | 4669675 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Weibo pushed back again.  Nothing to see here, move along.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:49 | 4669684 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Wonder if Goldman found out that all of the filing data was made up?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:34 | 4669629 Thalamus
Thalamus's picture

I'm sure the eventual selling of those assets won't have a negative effect on things--primarily the stock and bond markets, then life as we know it.  

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:34 | 4669632 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Do you think Larry Fink will fit into a Kenmore wall oven?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:43 | 4670355 walküre
walküre's picture

Just to be safe, get the double wall oven and split the parts. What's for dinner?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:36 | 4669637 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

That there green line, it looks, well, it looks crooked.

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
He found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile.
He bought a crooked cat, which caught a crooked mouse.
And they all lived together in a little crooked house.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:28 | 4669851 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

the FED balance sheet line reminded me of Emma Lazarus line,

"I lift my leg beside the golden door"

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:39 | 4669645 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture
Famous quotes.
General Custer's last words:
"Look at all the fucking Indians!"
Mayor of Hiroshima:
"Holy FUCK!"
Captain of the Titanic:
"Where is all this fucking water coming from?"
Here's one for Barry:  "Apologies to my fellow Americans for being such a fuckwad".
Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:52 | 4669941 GotNuttin'todo
GotNuttin'todo's picture

Forgot one:

A redneck's famous last words: "Hey y'all, fucking watch me do this...."


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:04 | 4670184 pods
pods's picture

No silly, it's "Hey hold my beer."

Don't ask me how I know.


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:28 | 4670286 optimator
optimator's picture

But Barry will say, "I was only following orders".

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:39 | 4669650 Baby Eating Dingo22
Baby Eating Dingo22's picture

Sheepie too busy shopping for Easter finery to notice today's riggery

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:40 | 4669655 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

I think bullshit is an asset class too.  

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:43 | 4669669 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

You can't be long the Fed...might as well be long the S&P

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:44 | 4669672 SunRise
SunRise's picture

Your kids and grandkids will get wise to the Social Security Ponzi Scheme.

There will be war and your kids & grandkids will be in charge of it.

They will implement a mandatory draft of all those over 60.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:47 | 4670375 walküre
walküre's picture

No, they will just stop contributing and develop the shadow economy or gray and black markets. Fed will still pump and .gov will still pay the trillion dollar liabilities just that the money doesn't buy a whole lot. The good stuff is barter or precious metals only unless there's a currency alternative.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:46 | 4669677 Heyyouguys
Heyyouguys's picture

You look at that chart and ask why or how could the S&P be up that much. But when you turn the sound on . CNBC pundits don't think the S&P is up because of the Fed. And Banks are a buy.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:50 | 4669686 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture


Save this one for posterity folks.   So when will Ben and Janet do the honors with this announcement?

Please tell me they will be crowned King and Queen of the "Asset Class Prom" by the Fed Reserve board of Governors and Principal Dimon and Assistant Principal Blankfein?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 11:53 | 4669700 SillyWabbits
SillyWabbits's picture

Economic statistics in the USA are on a par with the old Soviet economic figures of the late great USSR.

They are political in nature, not economic indicators for planning or investment purposes.

The Homeland (UTB America), like Stalin's USSR, now sees everything in the political sense, we can no longer even ask the right questions in the USA, because things are judged politically and not realistically.

The Homeland (UTB America), system has become more and more like Stalin's system.

If you doubt this, then look at the spy state, a state of total spying on everyone that Stalin would have been green with envy to have been able to impose upon the Soviet People.

Postmodernism states that:

The postmodern aversion to truth is well expressed by Allan Bloom in The Closing of the American Mind:
The not error but intolerance. The point is not to correct the mistakes and really be right; rather it is not to think that you are right at all.

"Tolerance of other views is one of the pillars of postmodernism. However, there is one group of people to whom this tolerance is not extended, those who believe truth to be important!"


In the Homeland (UTB America) : truth, if inconvenient; is considered hate speech!


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:50 | 4670389 walküre
walküre's picture

100% correct.

Crony capitalism and welfare mandates are not sustainable forever. Eventually the rot comes to the surface and statists will try and paper over any problems.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:07 | 4669766 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

Hawaiian birth certificates.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:56 | 4669962 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

certification, not certificate. There's both and Obama has the certification.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:40 | 4670338 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Ask this of the next Fuckbamavik you encounter....

Why, in this......birth certification....was Barry O'Fucker's Nationality labeled as:


...when that term was not used, under uniform hosptial regulations....FOR 8 MORE YEARS in the United States.....



...and watch the fuckers squirm and stammer...and make excuses...


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:39 | 4670592 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

I'll keep that in mind though I'm in Canada, no one here cares anymore.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:15 | 4669796 BlackSwanCrash
BlackSwanCrash's picture

errr. only thx to QE, tards!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:18 | 4669813 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 12:37 | 4669887 eddiebe
eddiebe's picture

Pretty nice to be able to create money and buying mortgages and government obligations with it. And then telling everyone that it is for our benefit. The astounding thing is that there are people who believe it. But then, people supported 'trickle-down too.  Is there anything as monumental as peoples stupidity?  Is there a graph for that?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:23 | 4670263 NotApplicable
Thu, 04/17/2014 - 13:25 | 4670055 Duude
Duude's picture

But is it growing faster than the national debt? Is it growing faster than unfunded entitlements? Is it growing faster than permanent disabillty?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 13:46 | 4670121 edotabin
edotabin's picture

Should have known this would happen.... Anything with a freakin' TV channel about it is bound to be a scam.


Thu, 04/17/2014 - 13:56 | 4670157 wisefool
wisefool's picture

Since taxation is the control system in Keynesianism I wonder what this chart would look like if the # of pages in the taxcode curve was added?
Lipstick on a jackboot pig ?

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:10 | 4670207 zookeep
zookeep's picture

Corruption is the biggest growth industry. Get in while the getting is hot!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:17 | 4670241 undercover brother
undercover brother's picture

And those 2 prior bubbles before this latest Fed "balance sheet" bubble were caused by what again?  Yup, I think I'm going to name this bubble The FED BALANCE SHEET BUBBLE.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:28 | 4670279 headhunt
headhunt's picture

You would think that all those years that I 'invested' on the 15th of every year would have paid off big.

Now I remember, it did, for all the government employees and pensions... and GM unions

So we got that going for us.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:39 | 4670336 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture


Just take a look at Sue Herrera's ballooning ass.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:50 | 4670391 thorgodofthunder
thorgodofthunder's picture

Technically the answer should be Bitcoins but I am going to go with Michelle Caruso Cabrera's assets.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 14:54 | 4670404 BeerMe
BeerMe's picture

Inflation doesn't equal generating returns.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 15:37 | 4670586 walküre
walküre's picture

The events of 2008/09 have caused irreparable harm to the global economy and history will show that no matter how hard they "tried", the damage was irreversible.

Global economy since '08 is on life support. They cannot pull the plug, they cannot raise rates, they cannot make anymore moves other than continue on the path of eternal balance sheet expansion. Their 5-year plans will always focus on growth and job creation but in 5-years there's no improvement. More decent jobs will be downgraded to parttime and much lower paying jobs. This is not a temporary trend, this is a permanent road to lowered expectations, mass poverty and diminishing returns.

But they saved the status quo in 2008/09, didn't they? At what expense? The graph says it all. Their money is becoming increasingly worthless and soon irrelevant but at least they managed to stay afloat for a few more years. Sickening!

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 16:25 | 4670778 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

Well put. +1

If it all goes terminal in the west, then where does one escape to? I'm wondering if there will be some global power shift a la 15th century Europe to some other region of the world when/if the west sinks into decay of its own making.

Thu, 04/17/2014 - 16:33 | 4670807 walküre
walküre's picture

The "west" is such a broad term. Socialism is practiced almost everywhere unless you look at the slum states of Africa. Would you want to live there? When the train stops and the money runs out, people will turn into zombies and destroy whatever they have to in order to keep feeding themselves.

Best places are the least populated, the least amount of infrastructure and a decent enough growing season to survive. Such pockets exist in parts of the "west" as well. You probably won't even have to learn a new language and wear shades all the time to fit in.

Fri, 04/18/2014 - 08:29 | 4672567 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

FED Futures?

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!