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Goldman Reports Worst Q1 Results Since Lehman, Average Employee Pay Drops 7% To $376,840
Moments ago Goldman reports its first quarter earnings, which beat expectations that had been drastically lowered into this quarter. Specifically, total Q1 revenue printed at $9.33 billion, beating expectations of $8.66Bn, while EPS, which declined 6% from a year ago, also beat Estimates of $3.49 at $4.02. Looking at the key operating segments, the all important FICC revenue was $2.85Bn, also above the sharply reduced estimate of $2.63Bn, while IB was $1.78Bn, more than the Wall Street estimate of $1.52Bn. That was the good news.
The bad news: Goldman's first quarter results were the worst since the Lehman crisis, and just to put the critical FICC group's revenues in perspective: at $2.9 billion they were less than half what FICC recorded in Q1 2010 when people apparently still traded. And whether due to Volcker or not, Goldman's prop group (Investing and Lending) reported just $1.5 billion in revenue - the worst also since Lehman.
Despite the rhetoric, one can certainly see the trends here and so can Goldman management, which explains why the firm is launching on a market structure overhaul crusade which as recently as five years ago, was reserved for tinfoil hat conspiracy blogs.
Finally, and worst of all, if only for Goldman employees, the average compensation for the firm's workers, dropped to $376,840, down 7% from a year ago, and the lowest comp, based on accruals, since Q2 2012.
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Very sad, my heart bleeds for the workers.
How will they keep up with the rising price of a Porsche Panamera, and Italian truffles, and kobe? Not to mention all of the champagne that will grow dusty in vaults...poor devils!
Times is tough.
Gonna have to cancel HBO.
Think of the children...no really, it can be so costly to send your toddler to a $10k/month Montesorri program where they learn, ironically, how to place nuts on bolts. Think of the children!
Those poor, poor bankers...
I think of soon to be orphans.
Fear not for their children, fear for yours. After all they would eat yours in a heartbeat. In fact your kids and grandkids are now debt slave because of guys like GS.
You guys think just like me. My first thoughts were,
"Those poor bastards, how'll they get by on just $376 thousand?"
And to add insult to injury there is this from shill Reuters:
For Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley, boring is beautifulhttp://www.reuters.com/article/2014/04/17/us-banks-results-idUSBREA3G1FU20140417
Fuckin' squids.
I think they added a whole new dept of shoe shiners to bring the avg per employee down
No one cares. No one cares. Say it with me. No one cares. Look at GE. Awful.
you guys don't have a lot of time to buy this dip in IBM. There is a good chance they go bankrupt by next qtr and the stock will go ballistic.
Nobody cares for me! Da da da ta.
What's sad is if I were able to convince them to hire me at just 10% of the average pay.....I'd get a raise from my current salary.
I mean.....shit.....I can turn on an HFT server and do hookers and blow for $37,600. Saves Goldman money.....I get a raise, not to mention hookers and blow. Win / Win in my book.
How about it Goldman.....I'd even relocate to Salt Lake City......I don't mind Mormons.
fukkin shame...i guess front-running is losing its margin power!
If you slay enough muppets, the supply of muppets disappears and you starve.
That is a lot of "slam dunks" that didn't pan out.
Maybe we could have a fundraiser. Squidathon.
A bake sale.
Maybe they could apply for food stamps.
Some positive ideas there.
Or maybe the world could just have one big calamarifest and fry all the fuckers in hot oil.
i hope their pay drops to the point where they have to eat instant noodles, just like me
Goldman employee calling his spoiled JAP wife ten mins ago - "Rachel, cancel your 11am daily spa appt where the oriental woman plucks your pubic hair with a pair of tweezers"
Rachel - "whhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyy? Want am I supposed to do now, just shop at Saks for 4 hours"
All those cocksuckers should have lost everything in 08'
And what does Goldman exactly produce to have $9.33 billion in Q1 revenues ?
worthless ipos
iPOS? I thought that's what Apple made.
The head line is miss leading. None of Goldman's employees is average.
I still haven't been able to find any of this Banks branch offices to make a deposit and open a checking account......please help.
Even if you find one i strongly urge you to walk past it and keep your money safe.
Just go to the casino and give um your money, or you could just buy an american car. Then pretend you have stock in the company, good as money in the bank.
...And...the pre market is going up....
DavidC
I'm crying in my beer over here.
FOR GOD SAKES, THINK OF THEIR CHILDREN!
The thought they these folks might need to send their children to a second-tier preschool is enough to make one cry.
Yea, but they beat expectations - so it's all OK.
Could not have happened to a more Blasphemous "we are doing God's work guy". Time to destroy, jail, and make these guys eat CRAP. Someone keep the addresses of their hideouts we will need them to finish them off, certainly HOLDER IS TOO BUSY TAKING BRIBES
Total con.
Raise earnings 'expectations' after results for next time to lure mugs, then as earnings approaches, dramatically lower 'expectations' so they easily 'beat'
Con, scam, snake oil
NEDD MORE MUPPPETS TO SHOOT MOFOS
BULLISH!
There will be no bailouts this time shatheads
Chapter 11 bankruptcy may not cut it
Break those tbtf arseholes into bits and pieces.
Hey Ben perception is reality
Screw'em
it all makes sense...now I understand why they're suiciding themselves...poor bastards...who can eat on that kinda fiat?
I use. Marketsmith from investors business daily to look at data. It shows quarterly data for two years. IBM is now showing all eight qtrs of declining revenues yoy.
There might be an underlying problem.
They make $377k per quarter?? Compensation chart is quarterly basis??
Are there parallel universes going on here?
Goldman Sachs investment banking roars backhttp://money.cnn.com/2014/04/17/investing/goldman-sachs-earnings/index.h...
financial media - paid to pump rotten bullshit
remarkable how coordinated all these large entities actually are
thank goodness for ZH
"We have to tolerate the inequality as a way to achieve greater prosperity and opportunity for all."
I can feel my boat rising now.
Look back in history and you will see that the weekly numbers never get much lower than this. And this is no longer even close to comparing the same types of jobs lost as they were even a mere 10 years ago.
This is, as they say, as good as it gets. Unfortunately, we are not even close to the really important number.
How many Americans found NEW jobs last week?
Jump you fuckers
$376,840 per head? OB, there's plenty of money at GS to share with your supporters who need 3 hots and a cot! Mandate that each one gets a bedroom in their alloted worker's home. Problem solved.
Happy 420 day, Bitchez!!