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Disgusted Kerry And Lavrov Can't Even Hold A Phone Conversation Any More

Tyler Durden's picture


With the "truce deal" laying torn asunder by un-de-escalation by each and every side in this dangerous game of chicken, it now seems even diplomacy is off the table. The Russian foreign ministry reports that the planned on April 23 and 24 telephone conversations between, Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation Sergey Lavrov and U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry , unfortunately did not take place for reasons beyond Moscow's control, adding that


Ukraine's 48-hour red-line is getting closer and with the UN warning that "the situation could quickly spin out of control with unpredictable consequences," it is perhaps time to derisk a little.


Via The Russian Foreign Ministry,

The unpredictability of the situation in the south-eastern regions of Ukraine, where people are thrown against regular military units, special forces and paramilitary forces, ultranationalist, requires urgent action forced wards U.S. Kiev authorities to show restraint and not to use force.


The planned on April 23 and 24 telephone contacts, Minister of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation Sergey Lavrov and U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry, unfortunately, did not take place for reasons beyond Moscow reasons. In the run scheduled for April 25 conversation of foreign ministers of the two countries, the Russian side once again urges Washington to use all his influence on the interim government in Kiev to reason with him and convince refrain from hasty steps, Ukraine plunged deeper into crisis.


We hope that the U.S. finally take urgent measures for de-escalation of the situation in accordance with the provisions of the Geneva Declaration on April 17. Washington should make the current Ukrainian leadership to immediately stop military operation in the South East, to ensure allocation of units of the armed forces of Ukraine and its security forces to their permanent deployment. While nothing has been done to address this urgent task. We hope that Washington understands the full measure of their responsibility for what happens.

And The UN warns,

War in eastern Ukraine must be prevented “at all costs,” UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has said as quoted by Itar-Tass.


Ban’s spokesman told journalists that all sides involved in the conflict in Ukraine must stick to the Geneva agreements of April 17, refrain from violence, repression and provocative actions.


Saying that he is “deeply concerned that the situation could quickly spin out of control with unpredictable consequences,” UN chief stressed that “military action must be avoided at all costs.”


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Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:28 | 4692081 pods
pods's picture

Put some more peanut butter in his mouth!

That will get him talkin.


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:34 | 4692109 Zest
Zest's picture

or a fat ***k.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:37 | 4692125 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

if russia doesnt back out by the time kerry counts to 4 with his willl be on...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:50 | 4692168 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

< Russia will invade

< Russia will wait patiently and laugh as the the neo-Nudelmen eventually get themselves hanged by fellow Ukrainians

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:20 | 4692308 Arius
Arius's picture

"derisk a little"

You must be joking .... this is America!  full speed ahead ... double down tomorrow, all or nothing!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 22:04 | 4693554 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Ya know . . . if I didn't know any better, . . . just might think someone is trying to start a war


Reminds me of how the Japanese were trying to negoitate differences with the American administration for a long time before WW2 started, and they kept hitting road blocks.   Little did they know that D.C. wanted in the war (so they could rescue the Brits)  The US citizenry were against involvement in another European war.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:44 | 4692169 Zest
Zest's picture

@ smlbizman I legitimately laughed out loud at this.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:58 | 4692185 ApollyonDestroy
ApollyonDestroy's picture

Kerry and his endless piles of ketchup laden horseshit!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:49 | 4692446 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

"A horse is a horse, of course, of course..."

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:03 | 4692497 mbutler101
mbutler101's picture

I was thinking more demon goat

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:06 | 4692260 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Kerry needs an emergency appointment at the glue factory.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:36 | 4692120 y3maxx
y3maxx's picture

Wake a Sleeping Bear...and find a big surprise at Your back door.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:19 | 4692559 crazzziecanuck
crazzziecanuck's picture

How Do You Ask a Man to be the First Man to Die for a Mistake?

Eh, Mr. Kerry?  I guess times have really changed.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 18:00 | 4692713 MarsInScorpio
MarsInScorpio's picture





Note to Kerry: Eat poop and die. (Written not as a threat, but as a commentary on him politically . . . married for money pig that he is. )


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 22:54 | 4693725 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

A picture a Canuck such as yerself might find amusing...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:40 | 4692148 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

This is from the section on Wikipedia that describes how the war between the US and Russia began in the movie Threads:

An allegedly US-backed coup d'état in Iran prompts the Soviet Union to occupy the northern part of the country, ostensibly to prevent a return of the Shah's regime. On 8 May, the USA hints at deploying troops to Iran, to prevent the Soviets from reaching the oil fields in the south. On 11 May, the US navy in the Indian Ocean is put on high alert when rumours begin abounding of the disappearance of the USS Los Angeles in the Persian Gulf. The next day, a skirmish in the Gulf of Oman between the Soviet battlecruiser Kirov and the USS Callaghan leaves the former badly damaged. Subsequent discoveries by American and Israeli search and rescue vessels reveal debris and an oil slick from the missing Los Angeles, prompting the US President to warn the Soviets over the possibility of an "armed confrontation — with incalculable consequences for all mankind."

You could basically change a few names to shift everything geographically northward, and it's the same scenario.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:47 | 4692178 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

Just looked this up...actually scared the shit out of me just reading the rest of it. Thanks.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:58 | 4692225 john39
john39's picture

all you need is a submarine, let's just say, german built and gifted to a certain country with a penchant for war by deception...  a black market russian torpedo, and its all a go.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 23:20 | 4693633 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

I like in the movie how people go about their day-to-day lives totally oblivious as newspapers and t.v. news stories tell how the world is moving toward thermonuclear war.

Chillingly familiar.

Go ask people you meet on the street about the Ukraine situation.

Observe the blank looks on their faces.



Why does humanity allow our selves to be ruled by destructive psychopaths ?

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:45 | 4692172 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Jaw jaw, is better than war war.
Uncle Scam seems set on the latter.
Putin must be getting calls from his military to do
a first strike to kill the rabid dog that the neocons
have turned this country into.
Hope he does not listen.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:53 | 4692205 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

Penis butter might work better.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 20:28 | 4693297 Andy Lewis
Andy Lewis's picture

Only if Bari is directly involved.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:29 | 4692084 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture



/smug smile

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:30 | 4692088 Alethian
Alethian's picture

Beat me to it.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:32 | 4692098 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

Also corrected by Tyler(s). That was fast!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:33 | 4692106 Alethian
Alethian's picture

After reading the post itself, I've realized that it's badly edited in general. It's full of grammatical errors.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:36 | 4692117 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

I don't understand how in the year 2014 the Russian Foreign Ministry can issue a release that gets translated so horribly to English.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:38 | 4692131 Alethian
Alethian's picture

I meant the commentary by Tyler(s).

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:40 | 4692144 john39
john39's picture

speed vs. grammatical perfection...  one or the other sometimes must suffer.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:19 | 4692304 Alethian
Alethian's picture


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:00 | 4692484 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

Alethian. Amen brother - I thought I was the only one.

The "laying" vs. "lying" error in the first sentence caused me to facepalm.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:30 | 4692085 NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

My investments are all rock solid, insured by FDIC and on servers even Putin would have a hard time finding.  Long wheat as the fields in Ukraine start burning, this could really be the gotcha moment for the ECB and the EU...all that talking the markets up don't mean squat when there are boots headed your way.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:38 | 4692132 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Lost me at FDIC.
You may need to rethink your strategy, just like
our Secretariat of State.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:26 | 4692339 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

Do not underestimate Russian young with time on hands sit at old crt in Tomsk...


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:30 | 4692090 The Axe
The Axe's picture

Robots   don't care    Buy stocks  Buy stocks....


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:32 | 4692103 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:39 | 4692137 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

This is what the S&P will be after WWIII begins, because, you know, war is bullish. Peace is bullish, too. Up is bullish. Down is even more bullish.

Here a bullish, there a bullish, everywhere a bullish.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 21:38 | 4693504 Oliver Klozoff
Oliver Klozoff's picture


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 22:57 | 4693740 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:31 | 4692101 NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

Just wonder which one of our 600 boys they will sacrifice so that Russia has to back off a bit...."witnesses weren't sure but thought the shot came from the Russian side...."

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:37 | 4692126 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

If there were any justice in the world, the one that would be sacrificed would be McCain, King, or any of the other neocons who can't satiate their war bloodlust fast enough.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:50 | 4692448 tsuki
tsuki's picture

Bloody Bill Kristol would be my first choice. 

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:38 | 4692134 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Just as clear as it was a few hundred years ago.


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:32 | 4692102 jubber
jubber's picture

is that why every index in the world is down apart from the Dow S&P Naz ?

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:34 | 4692111 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    John"unicorn"Kohn better get busy shitting some rainbow skittles for Lavrov before things get really ugly...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:35 | 4692113 holmes
Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:35 | 4692116 STG5IVE
STG5IVE's picture
France to send four Rafale fighter jets on Baltic security duty

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:20 | 4692311 johand inmywallet
johand inmywallet's picture

I'm sure the Ukrainians feel so much safer now!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:39 | 4692127 Ribeye
Ribeye's picture

hey, Ukrainian army, 

now would be a prudent time to flee, 

go home, protect your loved ones, 

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:50 | 4692192 Winston of Oceania
Winston of Oceania's picture

Maybe Russians everywhere should return home to copulate, I keep hearing they are running out...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 21:43 | 4693512 Oliver Klozoff
Oliver Klozoff's picture

You meant "go home, die with your loved ones instead of for them."


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:38 | 4692129 smacker
smacker's picture

John Kerry is a slimeball lying idiot and he's out of his depth.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:59 | 4692228 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Que Walter Zomchak from "The Big Lebowsky"......

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:38 | 4692135 Solon the Destroyer
Solon the Destroyer's picture

So... cell phone coverage is "temporarily" down in Kyiv?

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:01 | 4692242 Solon the Destroyer
Solon the Destroyer's picture

I said land line, dammit, not land mine!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:40 | 4692146 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

uhhhhh...why doesn't the IMF just print some peace?


Doesn't printing solve everything?

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:40 | 4692147 GVB
GVB's picture

If BuBa continues with their (gold) repatriation, that would mean a perception of Germany that Russia is safer than the US. Right (?) Since Germany is so close to Russia.. That would be the total opposite of previous reasons as in shipping it to the US for safekeeping ... get my point (?)

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:40 | 4692149 DOGGONE
DOGGONE's picture

Do you SUPPOSE that Putin might talk out loud about these unspoken histories?
"... massive deceptions by omission done to the people ..."

The Public Be Suckered


Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:42 | 4692154 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

Another failure by Barack and his team of loosers!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:42 | 4692155 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

You can lead a horse to water...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:50 | 4692194 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

...and then he'll go kiteboarding.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:43 | 4692161 agstacks
agstacks's picture

Tyler, when you say "de-risk" you meaning selling risk assets like gold, and buying safe haven assets like the S&P and NASDAQ, right? :P

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:43 | 4692162 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Put Kerry's looney wife on the blower!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:48 | 4692184 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

The Ultimate Solution:



Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:51 | 4692199 Lin S
Lin S's picture

"Unpredictable" consequences?  No no, the consequences are entirely predictable.

I am old enough to remember NATO troops handcuffed to telephone poles and bridges in Bosnia after being disarmed without a fight.

Real warriors, those NATO troops. 



Thu, 04/24/2014 - 15:58 | 4692226 Solon the Destroyer
Solon the Destroyer's picture

I think you have to put that one on the idiot bureaucrats who sent troops into a war zone with "no fire orders".

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:30 | 4692616 Lin S
Lin S's picture

Agreed completely, 100%.  But tell me something, please:

What has changed since then?  Since Viet Nam?  Since Korea? 

Who runs the show now, and how are they any different than the policy-makers from the past?

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:16 | 4692556 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

Prediction, Putin pushes EMP button in last ditch effort to deter war, if that doesn't work he hits the Swiss. 

Why the Swiss? 

Why not, its a banker war, and that's where the banks are, hit them and the Ukraine shit ends instantly.

Everybody gets on the same page real quick when their loot is on  the line.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:26 | 4692595 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

No, he hacks into whatever the majority of sheeple watch every night, CNN or whatever and puts up Obama/Reggie love footage.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 19:27 | 4693060 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Something tells me the EMP Button is the Snowden Files.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:01 | 4692240 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

War in 48 hours.  Any minute now....

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:12 | 4692279 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

RT has report that looks Kyiv is sending troops without any food/provisions to the Eastern Ukr.

RT story shows Locals tell that Ukrainian forces seized  food, medical supplies and other from locals.



Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:14 | 4692290 Invinciblehandaxe
Invinciblehandaxe's picture

time to cut the gas mr. putin

exercise some pressure on zee germans

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:20 | 4692309 RMolineaux
RMolineaux's picture

Judy Miller got her war in Iraq.  Vicky Nuland is trying to get her war in Ukraine.  What is it with these yentls?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 05:40 | 4694247 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

They have a deep seated unwarranted superiority complex -the are the self proclaimed "Chosen people"

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 05:11 | 4692312 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Where is Clever Hans when you need him?

*edit: Twelve hours later.... Really?  Nobody got that?  I guess I shoulda posted a link.  LOL!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:27 | 4692342 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

Hey Barry - is the red phone ringing yet????  Dust it off - it's that thing with the rotary dial.


Time to re-vector those missiles away from Beijing and toward Moscow.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 19:28 | 4693061 novictim
novictim's picture

There are still plenty for all contingencies. 

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:34 | 4692369 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Dammit, no phone calls to leak.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:35 | 4692373 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

Who makes phone calls anymore?  True diplomacy is handled via twitter these days.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 18:24 | 4692797 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

True diplomacy is handled via twitter these days.

Especially by twits.

I'd suggest Skype, but I'm sure Kerry doesn't enjoy the six hours of fresh botox and pancake makeup his Max Headroom act requires.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 19:27 | 4693055 novictim
novictim's picture

Drones make good diplomats too.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 16:48 | 4692438 Hannibal
Hannibal's picture

So US/Kerry/Clinton,.. is accusing Russia for invading the Ukraine, but,.....

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 05:37 | 4694242 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

more lies from the same people/scum who brought you "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction!!!!!; WE MUST GO TO WAR!  Now look at the total mess we left and new dictator is in place-but we LIKE him..............ROFL

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:41 | 4692658 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Nothing Victoria can't solve with an expletive. 

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 17:50 | 4692681 kurt
kurt's picture

If one shell financed by the US lands in Russia, or on eastern Ukrainian Russians, its safe to assume that the American administration FUCKED UP!

As a citizen I request of my representative:

Get Out of There, including proxies. Cease and desist. Try doing NOTHING. You are misdirected, confused, surrounded by idiots or worse. 

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 18:22 | 4692786 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

You can't fight in here, this is the war room!

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 18:30 | 4692823 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

I'm growing tired of this.

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 23:05 | 4693762 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Putin needs to send a different negotiator...

Thu, 04/24/2014 - 19:24 | 4693034 novictim
novictim's picture

Please recall that in the lead up to the Crimean invasion Lavrov made himself unavailable to the Ukrainian Government...He simply would not answer the phone calls by Ukrainian officials.

Again and again, the Ukrainians were denied a means to discuss the circumstances with Russia.  Interviews by the BBC PRIOR to the invasion of Crimea documented this.


Does this mean that Troops from Russia will be heading into East Ukraine?  I would not be surprised.  I had said that Russia was 60% likely to NOT invade for the many reasons of economics and tactical and strategic vulnerability. 

The shutdown of access to Lavrov by the US ambassador must be seen as a sign of further escalation and impending military action by Russia. The new odds are on Russia invading.  Too bad for them.

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