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Friday Humor: CNBC Adding Value

Tyler Durden's picture


Does anyone miss Maria?



h/t @Stalingrad_Poor


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Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:29 | 4697045 H. Perowne
H. Perowne's picture

You mean when we throw stuff at her?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:31 | 4697060 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

she still bangin everyone at Citi? 

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:33 | 4697069 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Whenever I tune into CNBC, I keep the volume down.  I turn on my iTunes, and set the station to "Porn Groove" which makes for a real interesting multi-media experience.  Now that the work day is over, I can start happy hour, and it gets even better.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:36 | 4697077 knukles
knukles's picture

Whazzizname there's gettin' some pretty big bags neath them eyes...
Lyin' is tirein' 

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:39 | 4697091 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

If he would just do it this way, it wouldn't cause so much lasting damage!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:41 | 4697097 fonestar
fonestar's picture

New suit.  Same as the old suit.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:01 | 4697185 Glasnost
Glasnost's picture

Everyone is getting tired of the game now.  How much time is there I wonder?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:12 | 4697231 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture



Is getting the stock cum off hard?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:13 | 4697411 Wile-E-Coyote
Wile-E-Coyote's picture

That guy looks ill, even he knows deep down we are in a world of hurt.


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 19:14 | 4697572 unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

Actually, he might not. 

He went to Columbia University School of Journalism. 

He has had NO formal education whatsoever in finance, business, the markets, etc.

He's a blow dried air head. 

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 21:24 | 4697844 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

Wrong talking head-- University of Virginia:


Besides, he 'projects credibility'.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 23:25 | 4698112 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

"Does anyone miss Maria?"

Just her bosoms!

Sat, 04/26/2014 - 01:04 | 4698220 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I miss her nugget nipples when Gold is down and she is interviewing Jamie Dimon.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:27 | 4697457 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

I always thought he looked like Beavis or Butthead.  I don't know which is which ????

Sat, 04/26/2014 - 01:25 | 4698243 ReligiousAtheist1
ReligiousAtheist1's picture

+1 i see what you did there, gave me a good laugh

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 23:45 | 4697070 old naughty
old naughty's picture

"Does anyone miss Maria?"

where is "them" now, again?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:41 | 4697098 Thermopylae
Thermopylae's picture

Heard FOX has her doing an investigative story - She's gonna try to smuggle 50 ozs of gold into India by hiding it in the crack of her ass.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:43 | 4697115 Rainman
Rainman's picture

bars or nuggets ?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:46 | 4697127 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:03 | 4697193 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

If her lips below are as levianithic as her lips above, I'd say you'd named the wrong crack. 

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:05 | 4697384 max2205
max2205's picture

Looking for all time highs next week with momo pomo stocks all down 30%.



It's a stock pickers market ya know......

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:20 | 4697253 American Dreams
American Dreams's picture

Not even a challenge, have you seen those hind quarters.  Looks like se is carrying around a volks Bettle on her ass.

No shelter here


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:45 | 4697316 Blano
Blano's picture

You're missing a digit.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:51 | 4697147 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

nice screen capture.

Tyler is a total buffoon, too.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:29 | 4697047 konputa
konputa's picture

I see the mortician is getting ready for the pending blood bath.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:30 | 4697050 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

To the moon, Alice...  

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:30 | 4697052 HaroldWang
HaroldWang's picture

Her mantra at the end of every down day. "Stocks finish off their lows" -Ah, the good old days!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:33 | 4697062 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

That guy has such a limited brain capacity, it is amazing. Watch him struggle if he is put on the spot without a teleprompter. it is hilarious.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:39 | 4697479 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

He and David Gregory may need the same shrink and psychic face-lift.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:33 | 4697068 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

i wonder if he takes the subway to work :heh heh:

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:35 | 4697074 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Momma said shees the debil...

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:36 | 4697075 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

What is CNBC? I vaguely remember something like it, but that was at least four years ago.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:37 | 4697299 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

CNBC stnds for


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 23:24 | 4698109 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

I always thought it was CNBS!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:34 | 4697471 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Hey, I watch CNBC every night now that they are showing NHL Playoffs. It's probably the best ratings they've seen since last year at Hockey time. If CNBC were smart, they would have a couple of panel guests during business hours, dressed in opposing NHL team garb, "drop the gloves" and go at each other in a real economic fight. It would be a ratings bonanza... a cross between CNBC, WWF, NHL, and Jerry Springer.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:36 | 4697080 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

The worst part of cnbc is the trolls clumpus and bloody stump man-SERIOUS ASSHOLES!

If you get a chance,and you want a good laugh visit the cnbc site and flag the comments of these dicks.

It only takes 5-10 flags to remove a comment on that SHIT site!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:48 | 4697133 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

I much prefer a downvote to comment removal. It makes it easier to tell who is a shill if you can read what they shillin'.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:04 | 4697197 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

I Agree.

But disqus or whatever it is called,doesnt allow counting of down votes!!!(Its almost like their trying to steer the agenda!)-sarcasam!

I mean if you put in a system to count votes,but it doesnt count the down votes???WTF!!!

Fucking libertrolls!

We hates them,We hates them forever!!




Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:40 | 4697094 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

Actually, I don't miss Miss Ground Beef Meat Flaps at all.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:42 | 4697108 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Tyler M. Looking tired ......

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 19:04 | 4697550 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Yep, it’s a stressful high paying job when attempting to falsehood the public. I'll bet he has days in which he grabs the phone and stares at the dial pad, debating whether to call off sick. CNBC Tyler looks like a candle burning from both ends.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:47 | 4697130 bullet
bullet's picture

cue BoB Pissonit... its a victory for the bulls...

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:48 | 4697134 pauhana
pauhana's picture

Maria's only question for most guests was "Would you be investing money in this market today?"  She was replaced by a robot.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:56 | 4697530 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

The WOP has a feature on Bill Orilly now. She's too washed up for the stun kunts Bill has on the payroll

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:55 | 4697158 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

Great post Tyler, one of your best friday humor posts!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:56 | 4697162 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

How do you solve a problem without Maria?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:59 | 4697174 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

Tyler Matheson is a worn out financial bot.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 16:59 | 4697175 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     His name is Vlad Dracula.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:01 | 4697184 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

I'd refuse interviews while taking a shit.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:07 | 4697213 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

That's some report from Mission Control.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:09 | 4697217 Relentless101
Relentless101's picture

Is he having a stroke?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:12 | 4697230 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:12 | 4697228 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Well, they could always replay Quickie getting hit by birdshit.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:55 | 4697356 sunnyside
sunnyside's picture

That was Warren's load flying.    Buffett's ball sack ain't going scrub itself.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:21 | 4697255 Rising Sun
Rising Sun's picture

CNBC - that's one of those TV show things, right?


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:32 | 4697292 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

What's a Maria? Oh you mean that big butt bimbo who was banging everybody at Citi. No.... No I don't miss her.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:01 | 4697372 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   Milk Duds are over rated Doc. I'm a Good 'n' Plenty/Red-Hots  kind of guy. (perky)

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:41 | 4697307 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture


Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:46 | 4697321 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Did Tyler M. blow Todd Thompson too?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 17:55 | 4697358 sunnyside
sunnyside's picture

I miss Trish.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:04 | 4697382 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   He makes  Joe "Korntooth" Kernen look downright fresh! <s>

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 21:40 | 4697915 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Yes, look at the eyes on this one.  They reflect a long hard night of unspeakable activity, much of it illicit for all but the elite class.  And the make-up team can't fix that kind of look.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:10 | 4697405 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

Have not watched it in over a year and no plans to ever watch it again.

They have no dignity or honor.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 19:17 | 4697582 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

They made Sylvia go dry out at least once.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:22 | 4697445 navy62802
navy62802's picture

CNBC? Is that a radio station?

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:47 | 4697502 tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

The CNBC Market Alert is "Stocks come off lows of day". Too bad Tyler Matheson hasn't come off his lows of the day.

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 18:57 | 4697532 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

If you look like this better jump!

Fri, 04/25/2014 - 22:42 | 4698026 homiegot
homiegot's picture

He's a transexual. I can tell by the look in his eyes.

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