Pre-FOMC Market Update: Chaos

Tyler Durden's picture

ADP "beat" sent stocks and USD up, bonds and gold down. GDP "miss" sent stocks and USD down, bonds and gold up... and now the Fed's emergency meeting has sent all asset classes into a Tapering-the-taper frenzy as chaos hits markets sending stocks up to highs of day (less Taper), Bond yields to lows of day (low growth less taper), USD tumbling (less taper, moar QE vs ECB), and Gold jumping higher (less taper, more QE)... correlation is crumbling everywhere as the Fed's calming communications cause chaos...



Chart: Bloomberg

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Squishi's picture

JP Morgan says US Q1 GDP could be revised to zero.

Dr. Engali's picture

If you take out the  intangibles  they now include when they calculate GDP , we actually had a negative print. 

idea_hamster's picture

This is what a market based on Ponzi-finance looks like -- no one is in the theatre to see the movie, only to eat free popcorn while trying to figure out whether that smokey smell is coming from the popcorn maker or something more sinister....

knukles's picture

Told them once and I'll, tell them again.  Foreward guidance particularly based upon hard numbers leads to a clusterfuck.
Emergency meetings not withstanding.
And if this was so "Emergencyish" why the fuck was not the whole board in attendance?
Sounds more like the luncheon menu discussion.

Which would be exactly the Reality of Onion like news events these days.

ArkansasAngie's picture

Haven't you heard?  The other board members don't exist ... yet.  Congress hasn't seen fit to do its job


NotApplicable's picture

Soooo... do the machines need to be turned off, back on, or both?

Manthong's picture

Communications policy is a powerful tool to give guidance to the market.

This is how the market knows "Who gets the money".

max2205's picture

Smell?..... I smell new highs TODAY

ArkansasAngie's picture

The November election may just get down right interesting

leave no incumbent in office

Dr. Engali's picture

Can we nuke the place and start over? Maybe in Colorado where they located the new CIA headquarters, or in Utah with the new NSA facility. Strange placement of these new sites.... curios.

viahj's picture

i guess it's more secure near Yellowstone than the NE coast.....  sounds like war placement to me.

seek's picture

Yeah, kind of like they either know the east coast is where you don't want to be, or that they're worried the west will break away and want assets pre-placed there...

Relentless101's picture

No wonder these fucks are so eager to jump into Ukraine. They will replace investment to boost GDP with the lives of American soldiers. Step right up. Uncle Sam wants your blood to keep this dog shit economy afloat. 

Bad world economy = foreign unrest = BTFWWIII.

Pig Circus's picture

Dr. Engali

Vote up!

Vote down!


If you take out the  intangibles  they now include when they calculate GDP , we actually had a negative print. 

Back out inflation and what do you got? Shit is what...


PlusTic's picture

it would be laughable, it it weren't so sad, how rigged this shitt really is...

MeMongo's picture

Moar you Whore's! Keep pumpin that shit like synthol!

Canadian Dirtlump's picture

Coming soon, Janet yellen debuting 24 inch pythons filled with pump n pose.



MeMongo's picture

Oh great! As soon as I read that the image of moe yellen wearing a bikini style that all female bodybuilders do just made me vomit a bit of my morning yuengling up(:-( 

Thanks Canada!


Time for another secret emergency meeting before the regularly scheduled meeting. 

Dr. Engali's picture

The markets aren't rigged. Mary Jo White assured us of that fact. She even baked us some cookies to make us feel better. 

yrad's picture

"If I would have known this shit was gonna happen, I would have stayed in England."


--The Forefathers

Grande Tetons's picture

Could be the post of the year. 

Almost tempted to open another account just to upvote that again. 

Kreditanstalt's picture

Tee-hee...silly "investors"!  That's what they get for ignoring fundamentals and chasing dollar-denominated yield for so long.

JUMP, YOU F-----s!

rsnoble's picture

Some have been known to jump when they're down to their last $50 million lol.  No way possile one could live off that for the rest of their lives lmao.

rsnoble's picture

Emergency!!! The erasers are worn out!!!

Just a huge complex mess of shit that can't be held up anymore and an entire society built on digital zeros and convenience what could possibly go wrong?

I sure wish I had diversified into more foodstuffs than fucking spam.

rsnoble's picture

Emergency!!!!  We're not hitting new highs everyday!!!!  Why is that!!!!  

HaroldWang's picture

The ramp wasn't due to the "emergency" meeting. It was due to an insanely big beat on Chicago PMI.

Dr. Engali's picture

Gold and silver negative on a weak dollar makes all the sense in the world.

Kreditanstalt's picture

Sharps-Pixley headline: JP Morgan says "Gold will never see $1300 again"...go figure where they got THAT "forecast"

The CBs simply HAVE to be just about OUT of real gold.

Dr. Engali's picture

Actually that's Morgan Stanley. My take is that they are looking to buy.

Kreditanstalt's picture

They say that "the gold price" is "the dog that doesn't bark".  But my bet is that that dog is barking and barking, loudly somewhere,  and we are being kept from hearing it.

SWCroaker's picture

When your boat is Titanic sized, things break at different times as the wreck propagates.  It seems Au/Ag are not destined to be coal mine canaries in our global collapse, which flies in the face of history, but (in terms of insanely low prices for a duration past all reason) may also be the greatest gift your government never really meant to give...

The Axe's picture

Hey TYLER..SLV acts like shit on really good volume......what up

NotApplicable's picture

It's a paper tool to manage physical silver?

NOTaREALmerican's picture

As long as the GDP of the Elysium Class and the Elysium Support Class economy is increasing, it's all good.

LawsofPhysics's picture

Clearly, my definition of "chaos" is considerably different...

Ribeye's picture

at least its not snowing, 

replaceme's picture

But we are still good, right?  Full steam ahead all that?

The worst trader's picture

Why am i sooooooooooooooo confused?

DavidC's picture

Why am I reminded so much of this?


Obchelli's picture

I say 5bln taper this time

Relentless101's picture

Cock suckers are ripping Singer on bloomberg right now. Pathetic

agNau's picture

Time for Yellen to find a new dealer to CHANNEL STUFF. Belgium's lot is becoming quite full.

BIHM's picture

The Fed got the logical outcome.  The targeted an upward moving market.  So all money allocators (which means all businesses) were given a free put option on the market.  This means they are being rewarded to take unrisk rather than risk.  Allocators did what they should.  They allocated money to the financial market where the risk was nil and the return was high.  Essentially the Fed robbed fixed investments for the past 5 years to prop up the market.  This is the most basic concept of resource allocation.  They got the result their system was designed to achieve. 

LawsofPhysics's picture

Well, ignoring all the new debt that was created, yes, you are correct.  Unfortunately, there is a very real cost for capital (remember money is not capital) and it will be paid one way or another.

Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

Yardfarmer's picture
U.S. Economy Barely Grew in First Quarter
The American economy slowed drastically in the first quarter of 2014, as wintry weather depressed corporate spending and housing sector activity, while smaller additions to inventories by farmers and businesses also held back growth. At an annualized rate of 0.1 percent, the pace of expansion in January, February and March was the weakest since the fourth quarter of 2012, when output barely grew at all. It also represented a sharp deceleration from the level of growth recorded in the second half of 2013, when the economy expanded at a 3.4 percent rate. The first-quarter pace also fell well short of the 1.2 percent rate of growth expected by Wall Street economists before the Commerce Department announcement Wednesday morning. READ MORE »

Conax's picture


Auntie Em! It's a twister  It's a twister!!

Someone short silver to $18!  Whoot whoot!


tip e. canoe's picture

if so, time to stock up the slipper closet?