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And Then There's This: "The Oceans Will Rise; Nuclear Winter Will Be Upon Us; And The World As We Know It Will End"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As U.S. Justice Department prosecutors begin to bring the first criminal charges against global banks since the financial crisis, they are facing dire warnings of uncontainable collateral damage from none other than the sell-side's banking analysts... "Don’t play with matches," warned Brad Hintz, bringing up the specter of Enron (somehow suggesting we would better if that had not been prosecuted?) “The mere threat of requiring a hearing could cause customers to lose confidence in the institution and could cause a run on the bank,” warns a banking lawyer (well isn't that how it's supposed to be?). Too Big To Prosecute is starting to tarnish a little as Preet Bharara begins to bring the heat, adding, somewhat humorously that, banks have a "powerful incentive to make prosecutors believe that death or dire consequences await."

It seems Eric Holder's words - as we noted here...

"But I am concerned that the size of some of these institutions becomes so large that it does become difficult for us to prosecute them when we are hit with indications that if you do prosecute, if you do bring a criminal charge, it will have a negative impact on the national economy, perhaps even the world economy. And I think that is a function of the fact that some of these institutions have become too large.

 

Again, I'm not talking about HSBC. This is just a -- a more general comment. I think it has an inhibiting influence -- impact on our ability to bring resolutions that I think would be more appropriate. And I think that is something that we -- you all need to -- need to consider. So the concern that you raised is actually one that I share."

But now, as Bloomberg reports,

Stung by lawmakers’ criticism that multibillion-dollar settlements have done too little to punish Wall Street in the wake of the financial crisis, prosecutors are considering indictments in probes of Credit Suisse Group AG and BNP Paribas SA, a person familiar with the matter said.

And that has led to significant backlash from the industry - how dare he!!

The 2002 collapse of Arthur Andersen, the accounting firm indicted in the Enron scandal, “should be a lesson” for prosecutors, Brad Hintz, an analyst at Sanford C. Bernstein & Co., said today in an interview on Bloomberg Television. “Don’t play with matches.”

 

...

 

Criminal action would have to be handled so that any review of a bank’s charter wouldn’t spook customers or revoke a firm’s license, said Gil Schwartz, a partner at Schwartz & Ballen LLP and a former Federal Reserve lawyer. “The mere threat of requiring a hearing could cause customers to lose confidence in the institution and could cause a run on the bank,” Schwartz said.

And as Preet Bharara somewhat comedically notes...

“Companies, especially financial institutions, will do almost anything to avoid a tough enforcement action and therefore have a natural and powerful incentive to make prosecutors believe that death or dire consequences await,” he said. “I have heard assertions made with great force and passion that if we take any criminal action, the skies will darken; the oceans will rise; nuclear winter will be upon us; and the world as we know it will end.”

But the threats arnd fears of what is clearly TBTF's contagious effects remain...

“You can’t do a guilty plea of a systemically important financial institution without first getting the regulators on board a commitment that the conviction won’t put the bank out of business,” he said in an e-mail. “That seems to be going on here, not surprisingly.”

And this is with stocks at record highs and the entire farce of opaque bank balance sheets now a dim and disatnt memrory for all but the sanest.

“These are test cases,” said Phan. “There’s a pragmatism behind this. You look for a target that’s small enough and that will send a message.”

 

Prosecuting banks would break with a practice of brokering settlements with companies that are considered integral to the financial system. Previous probes were resolved through so-called non-prosecution and deferred-prosecution agreements, which have been criticized by U.S. lawmakers for failing to hold banks accountable.

 

“It’s about time,” said Buell, who was part of the prosecution team at the trial of Arthur Andersen, whose indictment put about 85,000 people out of work. “The argument that we can’t have guilty pleas because of debarment provisions that are written into various regulatory codes has always seemed to be a case of the tail wagging the dog.”

So, to summarize, regulator is actually taking a crack at the TBTFs for fraud they committed and the industry is in full Mutually Assured Destruction threat mode should it actually be forced to admit guilt... well played Fed... more leveraged, more interconnected, and more TBTF in the world's economy...

 

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Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:08 | 4717162 jomama
jomama's picture

thanks for the ray of sunshine on a thursday, bitchez.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:11 | 4717175 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

It is simple as this. When the criminal banks made money for everyone, the elites turned their backs on shady behavior. Now the pie is smaller. Shady dealings are reaching into the back pockets of the elites. Time to stop this crap!

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:15 | 4717186 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Hang'em all.  Bring on the bank runs.  Fuck the criminals.  Die already.  Usher in honor, integrity, and service.

F'n asshole banks.  So obviously crooked and corrupt.

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:15 | 4717199 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

Call in the modern day Robespierre.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:19 | 4717219 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Just get Hank on this knees to congress again, they'll believe anything twice.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:21 | 4717228 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

“The issue which has swept down the centuries and which will have to be fought sooner or later is the people versus the banks.” - Lord Acton 1834-1902

“Banking was conceived in inequity and was born in sin. The bankers own the earth. Take it away from them, but leave them the ability to create money and with the flick of the pen they will create enough deposits to buy it back again. However, take it away from them, and all the great fortunes like mine will disappear and they ought to disappear, for this would be a happier and better world to live in. But if, you wish to remain the slaves of bankers and pay the cost of your own slavery, let them continue to create money.” - Sir Josiah Stamp, Director of the bank of England in 1928, reputed to be the 2nd wealthiest man in England at the time.



Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:53 | 4717400 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Bring on the Dark Times.  Bring it, bitchez.  Got my gold, my silver, my friends, my nutzak, and most importantly, HH's hobby farm!

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:23 | 4717524 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Ok, so we skip prosecution and jump straight to the beheadings...

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:37 | 4717577 Manthong
Manthong's picture

"The Oceans Will Rise; Nuclear Winter Will Be Upon Us; And The World As We Know It Will End"

That may not be far from the reality.

To my understanding, many (most?) of the largest pension funds have stipulations in their charters that if a senior exec in an institution in which they are invested is criminally convicted, they must pull their funds.

So tell me, please.. what would happen to JPM or GS and their > $ 100 Trillion of notional CDO’s if Jamie or Lloyd were convicted of one of their crimes and CalPERS amongst others yanked their funds out?

.and then what other fun would ensue with the entire quadrillion or so worth of interdependent CDO’s?

..likely, it would then be a “Yippee-ki-yay, MF” moment.  

So you wonder why they all seem to have a smirk on their faces?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:44 | 4717606 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

"Hold it. The next man makes a move..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_JOGmXpe5I

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:15 | 4717897 espirit
espirit's picture

Fuck it, anyone claiming to have been a banker in the next life is gonna get a sharp stick through the eyepiece of his gasmask.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:51 | 4718002 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

Hush Harriet, that's a sure way to get him killed

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 08:48 | 4719503 old naughty
old naughty's picture

re-post

"The Oceans Will Rise; Nuclear Winter Will Be Upon Us; And The World As We Know It Will End"

That may not be far from the reality.

 

Ok, i got that, the reality...

But i don't get the world as we know it will end bit.

What do we know (or rather, what do we don't know)?

So "we don't know" will end?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 21:19 | 4718151 weburke
weburke's picture

.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 09:56 | 4719858 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

The Philistines thought they had gotten rid of their Samson problem until...

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:23 | 4717530 centerline
centerline's picture

Don't forget the secret recipe for wolf nipple chips.  It's a must have.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:17 | 4718093 Pickleton
Pickleton's picture

HH's ??

 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 03:02 | 4719007 Adahy
Adahy's picture

I miss his comments.  I wish he had a blog or something I could follow and talk gardening with.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:44 | 4717608 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. “ - Thomas Jefferson

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:26 | 4717926 Dick Buttkiss
Dick Buttkiss's picture

The American empire is nothing if not the sociopathic synthesis of monopolized money and metastatic militarism.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:50 | 4717622 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Earlier today we had the article about how the IMF essentially told Ukraine to go to war or it wouldn't get a loan. Now we have TBTF banks threatening mass destruction if they're ever prosecuted.

Way to reveal your true colors, banker assholes. Hope you sleep well knowing that when it all comes down, you'll have big-ass targets on your backs.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:34 | 4718154 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Banker's war.

Has anyone else noticed how over-the-top friendly and courteous the staffs at the banks have been these last few years since the bailouts?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:30 | 4718304 greatbeard
greatbeard's picture

Actually, yes, I've specifically noted that.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 05:50 | 4719088 tonyw
tonyw's picture

The low level bank staff are just like JSP, they haven't got a clue and are certainly not part of the elite.

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:23 | 4717237 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I say we test this threat and let the chips fall where they may.  Let's start the Wells Notices, perp walks and jail time.  If the world starts to go all fire-and-brimstone, OK, we back off a little.  BUT I BET IT WON'T.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:26 | 4717256 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

What Holder was really saying is: "I ain't touching that shit.  I'll be as disappeared as Jimmy Hoffa."

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:27 | 4717260 Bindar Dundat
Bindar Dundat's picture

Interesting that the real attraction for digital currencies like bitcoin is that you can become your own bank without a reserve,,,,,

 

Maybe this BTC thing isn't all bad :-)

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:20 | 4718108 New Ordnance
New Ordnance's picture

Justice at Nuremberg II.

Long on manila hemp.

http://fcit.coedu.usf.edu/holocaust/gallery/WW2170L.htm

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:26 | 4717252 marathonman
marathonman's picture

That's a nice economy you got there.  Wouldn't want anything to happen to it now would you?  It's not my nuts in the vice come election season when you have to try to get voters to re-elect your sorry ass in an economy in free fall.  See how that worked for George W. Bush....

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:56 | 4717421 V in PA
V in PA's picture

GWB was elected twice. Maximum allowable time under the law. I don't get your point.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:11 | 4717479 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

GWB was/is dumber than a box of old cat turds....  but at least he didn't try to destroy the country at an accelerated pace like the corrupt, arrogant, narcissistic, lying, illegal alien indonesian kenyan muslim sociopath fudge packer in chief with repeated divisive lies and coverups,  feebies for freeloaders and illegal aliens (including itself with its grand imperial golf life style), lying gummin officials, obamascare. and on and on and on and on...

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:14 | 4717489 pods
pods's picture

You are missing the strings my friend.  

They are not dancing of their own volition.

pods

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:42 | 4717596 11b40
11b40's picture

Oh , really? I don't see a lot of difference between the 2.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:25 | 4718118 Pickleton
Pickleton's picture

The difference? Hat tip to whomever it was I stole this from.

If the GOP were in charge unopposed, life would really suck.

If the Demcorats were in charge unopposed, there would be book burnings and death camps within the week.

- Thumbs up if you agree, thumbs down if you're wrong. lol.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:30 | 4718306 Terminus C
Terminus C's picture

red, blue, red, blue... false dichotomy dude.  You're gonna get down arrows because you are dumb, not because other people believe the Blue team is better than the Red team.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 04:13 | 4719037 Jadr
Jadr's picture

This *DB^JPM derivatives books.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:09 | 4720815 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

My feelings about Democrats and Republicans can be summed up in the following...

There are 2 guys who are after you. You know that they really really want to get you into bed, and each makes all kinds of promises that you know are bullshit. How do you choose between them? 

Since you realize that neither are likely to commit to you, and all you're going to get out of the deal is one date night, you decide to give each his chance to woo you.

The Democrat shows up, on time, and with flowers and candy. He tells you you look lovely, makes friends with your cat, and wisks you off to a fabulous restaurant. After dinner and dancing, he brings you back home, and tenderly seduces you. He makes love to you all night long, until you finally drift off with a smile on your face.

When you wake up, he's gone. So is your wallet and credit cards. Then the restaurant calls, and you discover he stuck you with the bill. And he left the door open so your cat got out.

The next night, the Republican shows up for his date-night. No flowers, no candy, and when you answer the door he grabs you by the face and throws you to the floor, where he rapes you in front of your cat. When he's finished, he forces you at gunpoint to make him dinner, and right before he leaves, he throws you a few crumpled bills "for your trouble", and leaves. He leaves the door open and you cat gets out.

Now, if your choice is between one or the other, and you're pretty sure that no matter what choice you make you will definitely get fucked and lose your cat in the end anyway, which one would YOU pick?

Sometimes we don't choose something because we think it's the BEST choice. Sometimes we are just going with the better of 2 unpleasant choices. In the above, the Deomocrat would be my choice, as his approach is friendlier. It doesn't mean that I believe his bullshit, or take him seriously. It's just that HIS approach is a bit easier to tolerate.

Yes, the Democrats are that first guy. Phonies who promise you the world and lie through their teeth, And the Republicans are the hard-assed realists who cut all the fancy crap and get right to the point. Either way you get fucked...the only difference is that the Democrat DOES at least try to make it SOMEWHAT pleasant for you.

 


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:47 | 4720975 Chewybunny
Chewybunny's picture

Which party would let me keep my cat?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 16:01 | 4721595 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Neither, that's the point. Either choice gets you to the same place, it's only a question of whether you get force-marched at gunpoint or if they allow you a semblance of choice and few minor comforts along the way. Both Dems and Repubs are determined to take us to the same place, but at least the Dems will let you ride in a cart, and give you water and peanuts for the trip. And my greater point was that not all voters go with a side because they think it's a good choice. It's just the better of the available choices for them.

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:34 | 4717780 El Crusty
El Crusty's picture

the reason Obama is so much more destructive-
Bush knew he didnt know what he was doing- let other people under him make those decisions.
Obama thinks he knows what he's doing and completely ignores everyone the advice of everyone around him- until election time.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 01:17 | 4718953 SF beatnik
SF beatnik's picture

GWB is starting to look pretty good, now. I miss him.

 

He was smart enough to know he was, relatively speaking, a dummy who should just read the speeches given to him and then shut the fuck up.

 

He read them well, too. At least give him that much credit. 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:29 | 4717273 wisefool
wisefool's picture

So hank said there would be tanks on the streets if the IRS did not go out and stick guns in the faces of americans, to collect a TARP fund for the banks.

The IRS did that. The banks got TARP, GM got bailed out, Bernake sent a couple hundred billion to europe with no idea who got it. etc. etc.

The demands were fully complied with. But 5 years later law enforment around the country is getting tanks (MRAPs) Federal and local agencys have purchased billions worth of heavy and light ammo.

You pretty much just have to assume when they make a "or else"  threat, they are just foreshawing the next demand.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:36 | 4717313 centerline
centerline's picture

And there you go, connecting dots.  Making all sort of "logical" conclusions and all.  Using ye old cranial capacity.  I think that is now a form of domestic terrorism or something.  

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:51 | 4717389 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Ha!

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:32 | 4717945 Keyser
Keyser's picture

It is no joke with the proposed new program that would have gubbamint stooges scouring the internet for "hate speech"... 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:46 | 4718181 Flagit
Flagit's picture

Intellectual Terrorism

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 01:18 | 4718954 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Operation Mindcrime

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 08:40 | 4719438 giggler321
giggler321's picture

Well it just shows you it didnt work and they know it

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 21:40 | 4718486 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

just close the discount window and forget the prosecutions...prosecution is the parasite legal community 1%ers shaking down the parasite banking community .01%.

just close the discount window.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:16 | 4717201 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I think you mean, "look tough against foreign banks."

A.K.A. "that's why Jamie Dimon is richer than you are."

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:50 | 4717824 Citizen Keynes
Citizen Keynes's picture

You picked up on that, nobody else did.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 23:03 | 4718745 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

That, and he takes out life insurance policies on employees who take long walks off short rooves.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:18 | 4717212 dryam
dryam's picture

Freedom & justice for all. That is the will of the people. Either this charade ends sooner or it ends later. It will be painful for everyone, but it's time.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:20 | 4717224 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

"It" never ends,   the smart-n-savvy people are already trying out test cases:  "those people",  the fornicating-harlots,  Rooskies,  trrssss,  the usual-suspects.   Seen this movie before?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:19 | 4717221 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Killing the patient will surely cure the cancer; or vice versa.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:21 | 4717235 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

Too Big To Jail, right????  Yeah, those fuckers already used that one on us. 

I think it's time for some public nail-gunning of a few banksters and then tell them we're rolling out the guillotines next.

Those little bitchez will start singin' like birds and ratting each other out faster than you can say "Jamie Dimon". 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:20 | 4718112 intric8
intric8's picture

We want heads. Bloody heads on sticks. The source of their motivation is clear. Its clear they knew what they were doing. The result of their activity is clear. What's not clear is why we havent rounded them up and shot them by now.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:11 | 4718251 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

 

Flouride.

 

Takes the clear right out of perception.

 

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:12 | 4718258 ForTheWorld
ForTheWorld's picture

"We want heads."

So, if we want heads, and we includes you, why don't you be the catalyst? Words without deeds are just as hollow as the bankers hearts whom you despise.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 01:39 | 4718972 Sambo
Sambo's picture

Who is going to round them up? The American sheeple?  Hah!

You need muscles to round them up. Guns & ammunition. They have the military and the cops on their side.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:24 | 4717241 yogibear
yogibear's picture

No shortage of neckties and lampoles.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:39 | 4717332 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

This only ends when and i'll try to quote Matt Taibbi..."when bankers go to maximum security prison and get pounded in the ass day and night"

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:03 | 4717447 FilthyHabits
FilthyHabits's picture

If you don't mind, I would like the opportunity to stick a red hot knife blade between each and every nail / bed prying them off.

Then they can go to prison.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 22:10 | 4718586 Marigold
Marigold's picture

Exactly. A good example is the outrageous decision of the judge in the recent Anglo Irish Bank case where the judge instructed the jury to find Seanie Fitzpatrick the CEO not guilty & when the jury unamiously found the other two banksters guilty he said it would be unfair to send them to prison because the regulator mislead them and he is now mulling over what kind of community service they do.... What a joke and a travesty of justice. Hang them high. The banksters now run the Irish government and courts and virtually all the Irish financial institutions are nationalized. So suck it up Ireland and welcome to the plantation !

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:46 | 4717369 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Spare the bankers.

Hang the bankers.

Please choose.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:13 | 4717484 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

Neither.... sand paper their skins off and bury em all in salt....  along with the fudge packer in chief...

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:56 | 4717416 FilthyHabits
FilthyHabits's picture

Tyler revolt of 2014

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:05 | 4717455 semperfi
semperfi's picture

When I get my country I'm going to outlaw banks.  Positives far far outweigh the negatives.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:50 | 4718198 Flagit
Flagit's picture

thats not going to fly.

as in "No Fly Zone".

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:14 | 4717492 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

"Don’t play with matches," warned Brad Hintz, <----- Here is the first one right here..........

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:56 | 4717650 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

He's been scheduled to throw himself out of a 30 story window at the end of next week.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:28 | 4717547 over45
over45's picture

Cut off their hands.  

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:22 | 4717511 chemystical
chemystical's picture

TBTF?

Too crooked to untwist. 

Too broken to fix.

"banks have a "powerful incentive to make prosecutors believe that death or dire consequences await."

And the same kosher nostra (whose bullshit fiat is peddled by the banks) would also have food mfrs believe that if those mfrs stopped printing an encricled U or K on the labels, and stopped paying Schlomo a fee to in essence spy on the mfg plants, then no one would buy the food.  

ROFLMAO.  At most 0.22% would not buy it.  Half of those don't keep kosher and would buy.  The other half would eat pork before starving.  What if 33% of the world's population (Christians) tried that scam and demanded that crosses be printed on the labels?

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:15 | 4717195 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Right.

I got $5 here says Jamie Dimon never does a day of jailtime.  I think that $5 is safe.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:17 | 4717206 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

I will let my kid sleep under your 5 dollar bill. 

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:22 | 4717522 ArkansasAngie
ArkansasAngie's picture

I'll give a $1,000 to watch that SOB do the perp walk.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:57 | 4717653 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

And I'll raise you a grand if that walk ends at a scaffold.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:24 | 4717244 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

Ironic in that Jamie Dimon will help inflate that 5 dollar bill away and devalue it down to nothing.  Then what do you have?  ;-)   of course 5 bucks is really only worth about .15 cents these days compared to the "olden times".

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 01:22 | 4718957 SF beatnik
SF beatnik's picture

You'd be safe leveraging that 400:1

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:14 | 4717196 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

OK, so don't prosecute a TBTF, how about you indict an effin CEO???? None of this garbage would be happening if the CEO's weren't complicit with this business model.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:23 | 4717240 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

Sounds like the "Samson Option" to me...

How Talmudic...

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:25 | 4717247 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Yeer honnaar,  my client pleads innocent by reason of affluence.   I move we ajoin to da club an have a few drinks?

Case dismissed.   And, as a lesson to da people of dis great nation,  I hear-by order da prosecutor hanged. 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:59 | 4717429 spinone
spinone's picture

The affluence defense

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:35 | 4718321 ForTheWorld
ForTheWorld's picture

Indicting a fall guy does nothing to stop the march of progress. Read progress as you will.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:06 | 4717464 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

As if the JoD will do anything...... hahahahaha..... welcome to the land of rich crooks and corrupt gummint.....  Constiution?  What's a constitution?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:12 | 4717705 ZH Snob
ZH Snob's picture

hang 'em high

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:49 | 4717822 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

it's called a bluff...

if Holder had any stones at all he'd have marched down Wall Street with trucks and hauled in every one of those sunsabitches the nanosecond Bloomberg published that shit...

I fucking hate Holder with the heat of a thousand suns but if he'd have done that I would have cheered out loud

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:32 | 4717943 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Too Big To Fail - - - Too Stupid To Notice *

Bank of America disclosed a large arithmetic/accounting mistake, so it will have to and resubmit a bunch of reports.

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/04/28/bank-of-america-suspends-buyback-and-dividend-increase/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0


Not surprising that both BofA and the Federal Reserve missed this as whenever there appears an intelligent --- and honest --- bank examiner at any of the Federal Reserve Banks (especially FRBNY) they are fired.

http://www.propublica.org/article/new-allegations-from-fired-examiner-describe-chaotic-workplace-at-ny-fed


http://www.propublica.org/article/so-who-is-carmen-segarra-a-fed-whistleblower-qa


Have they missed anything else lately?

http://wallstreetonparade.com/2014/04/suspicious-deaths-of-bankers-are-now-classified-as-%E2%80%9Ctrade-secrets%E2%80%9D-by-federal-regulator/

*  Phrase comes from Heidi Moore at The Guardian

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:29 | 4718301 Dublinmick
Dublinmick's picture

Everyone jokes about it but the oceans are rising.

 

https://dublinsmickdotcom.wordpress.com/2013/11/03/thawing-permafrost-th...

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:10 | 4717168 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

The funny thing is that it will all blow straight to hell whether they prosecute or not.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:38 | 4717316 813kml
813kml's picture

Back to where fiat money was born.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:21 | 4717743 doctor10
doctor10's picture

the politicians are beginning to understand that-and are desperately trying to get on the right side of the blowback before ignition.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:23 | 4717920 Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

No they aren't. Knowing precisely where the bodies are buried grants one an unique type of 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card.

Count the number of professional politicians that you would trust... used all your fingers? Didn't think so!

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:52 | 4718364 Terminus C
Terminus C's picture

I didn't even use one finger... or thumb.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:10 | 4717169 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture

yep.. this is indeed a big problem and they will burn the mother fucking house fucking down .. 

http://hedge.ly/1m2zMWU

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:32 | 4717293 IndianaJohn
IndianaJohn's picture

HedgeA, -- how about a down vote for insulting your mother, and all moms.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:11 | 4717174 ratpack1968
ratpack1968's picture

If stacked high enough, the bodies of bankers can be used as levies.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:14 | 4717193 813kml
813kml's picture

There won't be enough fingers on Earth to plug that dyke, maybe that's what Yellen is for.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:16 | 4717203 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Inertia, FTMFW!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:27 | 4720634 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

Wait a second; Did you just use Yellen and dyke in the same sentence?

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:24 | 4717242 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

How many banker bodies does it take to make a levee?  31.  One to hold the shovel and 30 to shuffle the dirt.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:11 | 4717177 Endgamer
Endgamer's picture

TBTNF will be the lesson learned.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:12 | 4717178 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Don't go near that leaking propane tank with the cigarette, dude. 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:12 | 4717179 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Did you say 'Sell'?  You're a racist! Banned for life, fined, and forced to sell all your assets! 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:12 | 4717180 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

This reminds me of "Blazing Saddles" when Cleavon threatened to shoot the nigger.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:30 | 4717276 Hmmmmm
Hmmmmm's picture

"Don't move, or the nigger gets it!"

"White people are sooo dumb"

"You said rape twice"

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:06 | 4717466 semperfi
semperfi's picture

" I  like rape "

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:57 | 4718218 Flagit
Flagit's picture

without a link....thats creepy.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:31 | 4717287 Headbanger
Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:29 | 4717548 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

Thanks HeadBanger, I needed the laugh.  What a classic...

"Badges? We don't need no stickin' badges!"

 

Secession Anyone?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:12 | 4717183 pods
pods's picture

Bankers work long and hard finding ways to make skimming sound noble.  Then play up their importance when they skimmed more than the law allows.

Sure every tick on a dog has some sort of a family, but that doesn't mean I let them stay.

(sorry folks, got a hound dog and it seems that ticks really really like him)

pods

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:27 | 4717262 IndianaJohn
IndianaJohn's picture

pods, --by the way is your hound a Blue Tick ?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:52 | 4717398 pods
pods's picture

lol, nope. Mutt that was found in the woods during hunting season as a pup.

Redbone coonhound-lab mix as best as we can guess.  

I know where they get the "ticks on a hound" saying from now though.

Springtime in NC means tick check time everytime you are out and about.

pods

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:58 | 4717654 it aint paranoi...
it aint paranoia if they really are out too harm you's picture

Can someone smarter than me cue up the scene from "The outlaw Josie Wells" where Clint spits tobacco juice on the redbone hound? Always think of that when I hear "redbone."

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:02 | 4718231 Flagit
Flagit's picture

"How is it with stains"?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:13 | 4717187 PacOps
PacOps's picture

Pablum for the masses.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:13 | 4717190 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Corporations are people too..so said Mitt Romney.

Let Oklahoma adminsiter the (corporate) banker death penalty.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:18 | 4717501 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Even that was too quick.

LOL

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:15 | 4717194 centerline
centerline's picture

Well, either it is by actual prosecution, punishment (severe) and claw back... or by rope.  And the rope will be for the banksters AND everyone else complicit including the so-called regulators and prosecutors.

I still think it will be rope in the end.  But, who knows.  When things really get ugly, all these asshats might just go Resevoir Dogs on each other.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:16 | 4717200 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Nothing will be allowed to hurt the TBTF banks.  As a last resort, Obamawho would just issue an executive order to disallow negative judgement against them. 

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:38 | 4717326 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Guillotines only obey the law of gravity..   Dig?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:16 | 4717204 Moe Hamhead
Moe Hamhead's picture

Simply put-- either we're doomed, or they're doomed.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:23 | 4717525 CHX
CHX's picture

Just GOTS before the sheeple start running for the banks; the banks days are numbered anyway, one way or another.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:23 | 4717526 CHX
CHX's picture

Just GOTS before the sheeple start running for the banks; the banks days are numbered anyway, one way or another.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:17 | 4717207 Duc888
Duc888's picture

 

 

TBTP

 

Too Big To Prosecute.  Might as well just send 100% of Fedgov home.  Useless shitbags, every last one of them.  Why even have FEDGOV if they're all workin for the banks.  Just let the board of JP Morgue and Goldman Sux move their corporate headquarters into the Whorehouse in DC.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:22 | 4717517 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

Don't be surprised if useless shitbags come up to you on the street and say "Don't EVER compare me to the fedgov."

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:20 | 4717208 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Any brokers out there who hear from customers that the stock market is rigged?

I mean, as people cash out to survive, they've got to be saying something on the phone call like "I don't care, send me the cash - screw 'retirement' and Wall Street."

I'd bet that we are having a generational cash-out by individuals from the casino...er...stock market.

I'd wager that is one story that is being hushed.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:14 | 4717477 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I know my parents are trying to cash out, and put a down payment (!) on a second home (!) in Florida (!) on the advice of my brother and his wife, both lawyers (!). 

So I asked them, "wtf are you thinking, taking out another mortgage at your age?  You're trying to retire, that means you LOSE income."  "But Sean Hannity told me that..." AAAND you guys know the rest.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:56 | 4720754 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

I'm an architect. I have a widow client with 29 acres outside Eugene OR. She has a beautiful 2008  36x36  heavy timber horse barn, and a 2009 60'x120' timber framed horse arena. but lives in a nicely coverted garage studio apartment, about 650 SF.

The surrounding neighbors are also gentile landowners with over $600k estate homes.

She wants to build a 2,000 square foot house which is similar to the horse barn, enough space to be a have a mater suite on the main level, and a couple bedrooms and a bath upstais for resale value, for when it become an asset to pass on to the next generation. Not a bad plan, not over the top, but enough because  she sees the 650SF studio is dragging down her real estate value.

So she goes to her broker to cash out to build the house, and the broker tells her;

"Oh no; we are going to have to talk about this" and then has been dodging her calls.

I told her I was able to log into my accounts and cash out on line, no need to talk to a broker.  She had never heard of doing that.

This is not the first time I have heard similar reports of brokers not letting people get at their own money.

When we were buying metals, several times we pulled out less than $9k cash from the local Wells Fargo branch, in a very affluent SF bay area suburb, ( Camino Coin is the best for junk silver) and more than once they tried to give me some excuse that they were not sure they had enough cash. I always spoke up and gestured to the line of people waiting for a teller behind me, "What do you mean you don't have enough cash for a few grand withdrawl, What about all these people? You are the bank, Aren't you?"

Somehow they were always able to find the money in short order. But prior to release it always took at least three people to clear the withdrawl and they always asked why I needed the money. I was always polite and evasive, some thing along the line of, "oh its just for my own personal use, Thank you for asking though" (as in I am not telling you $%^& , its my money so go.......)

Each time I told my wife the next story of the resistance by WF to let us have our own money, she became more convinced to get our money out the the TBTF circus.

but if you don't keep it in the banks and want to make a down payment on a home, or even pay your IRS bill, it gets really intrusive with them looking to establish where you got the money.

Ron Paul was right: about all of it.

We learned too late.

 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:19 | 4717216 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Fuck the banksters. This has been a new era-defining definition of arrogance. Hope it can end with some sanity.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 18:36 | 4717955 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

The only sequel to Occupy Wall Street must be:

Arclight Wall Street

(And if this effing country continues training snipers in Poland, then moving them to Kiev and letting loose, and prepositioning fighter aircraft in the surrounding Baltic States, then overthrowing governments, maybe Putin will nuke Wall Street!  Sometimes dreams come true . . . .)

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:46 | 4718346 Dublinmick
Dublinmick's picture

Well Florida is not near Yellowstone, it is however at the tail of the New Madrid Fault. Another problem is the the Gulf is poisoned with corexit, we have lots of sinkholes and hurricanes also and new laws are being proposed that residents fleeing hurricanes cannot take their guns with them. You will have to leave them in the eye of the hurricane when you flee.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:20 | 4717220 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

There is a choice here:  Wait until shit goes sideways and let them get prosecuted by an angry mob with guillotines in tow, or prosecute them in a legitimate fashion.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:24 | 4717243 pods
pods's picture

Slimy bastards probably have a worn-out suit their assistant got at Goodwill to put on for when that time comes for them to slip away as the building is surrounded.

pods

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:24 | 4717533 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

I just saw a report on CNN that there has been a run on turd costumes lately.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:52 | 4717632 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

I know what Jamie and Lloyd look like.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:21 | 4717229 agstacks
agstacks's picture
"Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank. You tell me that if I take the deposits from the bank and annul its charter, I shall ruin ten thousand families. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand families, and that would be my sin! You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and by the Eternal God, I will rout you out." Andrew Jackson (1767-1845)
Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:39 | 4717271 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Then they (banksters) tried to shoot Jackson.

Old Hickory survived. But he had things he wanted to see through. He wanted to see if Native Americans could walk from Georgia to Oklahoma.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:52 | 4717394 agstacks
agstacks's picture

a couple times if I recall correctly. 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:32 | 4717560 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

The only thing that matched Jackson's capacity for compassion was his capacity for hatred.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 17:55 | 4717834 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Muffugger had some serious balls, though.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 20:59 | 4718384 Dublinmick
Dublinmick's picture

Andrew Jackson's vice president shot Alexander Hamilton .... Rothschild's son in law. The Jackson monetary policies were not bad. They tried to kill him but both pistols did not go off. He had "I killed the bank" inscribed on his gravestone but soon after his death London took over once again. On the dark side his American Indian policies were nothing to write home about.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:33 | 4717300 FuzzyDunlop21
FuzzyDunlop21's picture

How depressing is it that this same bullshit has been happening for 200 years?

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:44 | 4717356 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

It's not depressing if you look at it as normal human behavior.    The smart-n-savvy people screw the dumbasses.    There's always "those people" to screw.   The dumbasses always (must actually) believe high-quality bullshit.   The predators, sociopaths, and assholes win.  

What would keep them from winning?  

Survival of the fittest, bitchez! 

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 19:51 | 4718203 NickVegas
NickVegas's picture

Just remember the framework of the system is enforced at the end of gunbarrel.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:53 | 4717401 agstacks
agstacks's picture

"The issue which has swept down the centuries and which will have to be fought sooner or later is the people versus the banks." - Lord Acton

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 15:51 | 4717392 supermaxedout
supermaxedout's picture

Better an end with horror than horror without end.

Thu, 05/01/2014 - 16:09 | 4717471 John McCloy
John McCloy's picture

   That's my boy..and he did his damndest to make that a reality and Nicholas Biddle died a miserable poor sonofabitch..So they decided to play a joke on him posthumously when the Federal Reserve placed him on the $20.00 bill. 

      Same scipt now but on an unimaginable global scale and no Jackson in office..just their purchased pawns and media to craft the message.

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