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"Eastern European" Buyer Scoops Up World's First Quarter-Billion-Dollar Apartment

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The world's most expensive apartment sale has been 'consumated'... in London (of course). As The Evening Standard reports, an Eastern European buyer (has anyone seen Yanukoych recently?) is believed to have paid £140 million (~$235 million) for the 16,000  square feet apartment — more than 10 times the size of a typical London three-bedroom home — at the One Hyde Park scheme near Harrods. This values the apartment at a 'mind-blowingly-desperate-to-launder-my-money-and-get-my-assets-away-from-potential-bank-freezes' $17,000 per square foot.

 

Ironically the price is a deal against the $295 million valuation that had been place on the apartment by appraisers.

Quiet City living...

 

Candelabra looks like Superman's home (hhmm, perhaps)

 

Kitchen looks a little narrow to us... (and no Sodastream)

 

Relax...

 

No beanbags?

 

Well, yeah that's great but $200million?!

 

Well - we guess it's worth it if you like that kind of thing - at least it is a "hard asset."

 

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Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:32 | 4720892 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

What! No picture of the shitter? 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:36 | 4720898 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

Where is the room for the Bunga-Bunga parties?

Oh... I almost forgot...  where is the "dungeon room" because these guys are into some kinky shit!!!

 

Also, that explains why the market is selling off so much.  They need to raise cash to buy the place.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:39 | 4720934 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

That property tax bill is gonna hurt.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:42 | 4720950 Chief Wonder Bread
Chief Wonder Bread's picture

Can you get DirectTV?

'I jump in it.'

http://wn.com/opulence,_i_has_it

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:46 | 4720968 zaphod
zaphod's picture

This is peak something, I'm just not sure what. So many issues.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:51 | 4720989 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Who was the seller and what will they do with $235mil?

And did each Realtor get $7mil?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:55 | 4721009 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Yeah, but does it have high pressure air in the bathroom like in my house?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:02 | 4721059 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Nothing says "opulent comfort" like the cool clean lines of an office waiting room.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:31 | 4721232 Manthong
Manthong's picture

The heating system might need an upgrade. That two level  open fire pit is kind of Neolithic.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:57 | 4721583 sushi
sushi's picture

Paid for by the skim off the 17 billion IMF loan.

Its why peasants are required.

To support the overlords in the style to which they want to become accustomed.

Next the overlords will be demanding velvet lined guillotines with padded buckets to collect their  heads.

For a small fee I'm sure they can be accomodated

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 16:58 | 4721812 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

So this is where Putin is hiding his billions...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:28 | 4721218 Rock Sniffer
Rock Sniffer's picture

Property tax?  In London?  Doesn't exist; that's why it's the world centre for money-laundering through property.

Wonder if those windows could withstand .50 BMG...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:45 | 4720966 GamesMaster
GamesMaster's picture

Ukrainians don't hang about.....IMF loans $17billion, they go shopping in London.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:08 | 4721085 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

They got tired of that IMF "loan" money just sit'n there in Swiss Bank Vaults do'n not'n .... so why not buy a nice place in London, eh?

Enjoy life a bit until things simmer down back home.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:46 | 4720972 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

I need some of those chrome pillars for my pad.  Think they have them at Menards ?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:24 | 4721193 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I think the ones that are over 14' are special order.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:52 | 4720994 Stanley Kubrick
Stanley Kubrick's picture

Speaking of using the shitter...

"Remember, the National Assoc. of Realtors reminds you to always use your local REALTOR"

"And there's never been a better time to buy or sell your HOME"

/sarc

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:56 | 4721578 sushi
sushi's picture

.

 

 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 17:49 | 4722011 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

"opulence, I has it..."

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:32 | 4720894 devilsdictionary
devilsdictionary's picture

Bad taste.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:54 | 4720957 Mercury
Mercury's picture

The Restoration Hardware metal-and-brown palette  is the avocado and gold for today’s aspirational  global nihilist.

People say to me: “Yuri, aluminum wall paper and fudge orbs?”

“But of course…why not the best?”

Sat, 05/03/2014 - 13:39 | 4723995 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Czechs tell the story about two Russian oligarchs

 

'How much did you pay for that watch?'

 

'€50,000'

 

'What, are you serious?? I know where you could have got the same one for €75,000'

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:32 | 4720895 NeedleDickTheBu...
NeedleDickTheBugFucker's picture

US$ 235 MM laundered, cleaned & pressed!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:03 | 4721061 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Yup, and probably Permanent Resident status thrown in as well.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:32 | 4720897 Flux
Flux's picture

Yeah, but does it have underground parking?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:33 | 4720900 yrbmegr
yrbmegr's picture

Laundering money by investing it at a loss.  That's novel.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:49 | 4720944 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Keeping half is still 50% more than what's coming.  On a side note,  I've recieved 4 phone calls and 3 solicitations in the mail from CHASE bank to give them my money.  They are offering $200 to open an account with any balance, and another $200 if I donate 15k.  So, $400 for a $15,001 deposit/donation.  Bail-ins imminent? 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:36 | 4720904 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

Personally, I see no difference between buying that apartment and just burning the money.

Oh, and the galley kitchen blows and the 60s retro furnature is hideous. Must be a Russian or similar buyer.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 20:21 | 4722465 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

90s leather furniture and 'life' in a city of 8 million people  .... 295million dollars.

Getting out of Russia before you get tossed in a 6x9' footer with Mikhail  Khodorkovsky for declining the 100% savings transfer/gratuity.... priceless.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:35 | 4720906 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Well, at least it's near the Tube station and the Piccadilly Line if they want to go to Heathrow Airport. That convenience factor must be worth eh.,...maybe £500..

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:34 | 4720908 katchum
katchum's picture

With a mansion tax of $2 million?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:35 | 4720910 A_Nejad
A_Nejad's picture

$100 on a Russian Jew...taking the bets now.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:35 | 4720911 Zirpedge
Zirpedge's picture

Think of the convenience walking to Harrods and buying a pet giraffe or baby white tiger? 

The "shitter" is gold plated (becasue gold has no real industrial application) and the biday speaks seven languages. 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:36 | 4720918 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

Would they sell a few square feet to me?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:40 | 4720927 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Let's give every billionaire a fancy title like Lord or Duke.

Only then can they be properly worshiped by the masses.

I am the Count of Monte Crisco!

Love me!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:41 | 4720942 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Whoever said UK house prices are in a bubble has got to get their head seen to.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:45 | 4720943 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

There's an army barracks accommodation tower block up the road from One Hyde Park that has a much better view. It's in the background to the center in the top photo. Those army guys could make a quick killing if they sold off their bedrooms to some non-resident buyers, as long as the non-doms never show up for a shopping trip in London.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:42 | 4720952 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Fuckin' galley kitchen! Where's the Arga?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:48 | 4720978 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Looks like a 2 ring cooking hob... Obviously the buyer eats from cans and has microwave dinners - no class

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 18:12 | 4722070 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

perfect layout, ask any professional cook.
In an efficient kitchen you want to keep walk distance as close as possible.
Ok, the dish washing sector needs some improvement.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:44 | 4720960 Yttrium Gold Ni...
Yttrium Gold Nitrogen's picture

I wonder if a semiconductor fab is cheaper per square foot than this apartment?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:25 | 4721200 Diet Coke and F...
Diet Coke and Floozies's picture

Only if the semiconductor factory is in China

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:02 | 4721357 Yttrium Gold Ni...
Yttrium Gold Nitrogen's picture

At $17000 per square foot and gold at $1300 per ounce, one could cover the floor with a 0.227 mm (0.009 in) golden foil.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:47 | 4720970 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Arrest the owner and redistribute its stolen wealth. People will not survive another 10 years if they don't stop living like animals.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:47 | 4720973 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

For $235M I would hope that I liked the kitchen more than the one that I have now.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:49 | 4720982 Ribeye
Ribeye's picture

iirc, that place is next door to one of the best hotels in London, and residents can use the hotel facilities, including room service, 

pretty sweet eh, especially when ye wake up hungover and ye have three hungry high class hookers to feed, 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:49 | 4720984 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Agenda 250,000,000  

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:55 | 4721010 Calls and Putz
Calls and Putz's picture

"Kitchen looks a little narrow to us... (and no Sodastream)"

It's designed for servants only.  

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:00 | 4721043 mkhs
mkhs's picture

It looks like a standard European kitchen.  I mean, who cooks at home? 

By the way, is "putz" yiddish?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:59 | 4721033 Racer
Racer's picture

Why do they have such dreadful furniture in these expensive places?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:01 | 4721047 writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

If you do your research properly - then you won't end up doing the marketing for the candy brothers!

 

It's easy to get publicity when you're mates are buying your property - or if that fails - the DEVELOPMENT company!

Nobody is really buying this property - even the uber-wealthy have more sense than to buy at the top of the market at the top of a bubble.

How do you think people get rich in the first place?

 

You can read it all here.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Hyde_Park

Note the lack of sales and the repo already!

 

 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:35 | 4721253 writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

This same 'non-story' has been picked up and spouted by all the lamestream media.

 

Doesn't anyone research anything these days?

 

I'm sure this was the plot to that film 'the sting' - you get your mates to invest to encourage others (the marks) to be suckered in....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:26 | 4721208 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

Who needs a kitchen when all you do is order in pizza or take-out chinese?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 14:54 | 4721323 Snoopy the Economist
Snoopy the Economist's picture

I see the buyer gin the near future going bankrupt and pulling a Steve Martin's "The Jerk" walk-out...

"I don't need anything...but I need this chair...and my dog Shithead!"

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:19 | 4721417 trader1
trader1's picture

of all places in the world.....london?!?!?!

what a dive

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 16:06 | 4721616 pies_lancuchowy
pies_lancuchowy's picture

he has got a LOT of other places already.. hard to understand?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 16:27 | 4721702 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

too bad he cannot buy 10 more years of life on planet earth.

hahaha!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 18:12 | 4722069 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

With the "very healthy" black market in organ transplantation, do not be so sure. There are numerous "high profile" cases of the powerful and well-connected easily jumping the queue, and there are plenty of surgical teams keen to provide "services"of this nature to those with the means.

As for cancer, ther's a lot of interesting research in "invividually tailored (i.e. genetically adjusted) targeting therapies". Some at early trials stages, nothing really licenced yet, but (as always), those "with means" have the means to circumnavigate the bureaucracy, and when one's demise is pretty imminent, money becomes far less of a problem, if you get my drift . . . .

Sat, 05/03/2014 - 14:11 | 4724085 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Cancer is not a genetic disease, but a metabolic disorder.

Feed your cells ketones instead of glucose for cellular energy, and you will never get cancer.

Like my grandpa used to say -

"Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you."

 

 

 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:19 | 4721418 glefnet
glefnet's picture

this purchase literally is a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY. literally.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 15:24 | 4721428 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Brand New Key
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIFknAdVvNM (3:00)

Cher - Brand New Key 1971 (Melanie Safka cover)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWyfEv111wE (2:37)

The Dollyrots - Brand New Key (Official Music Video)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXCj_t_tBxo (2:59)

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 16:10 | 4721646 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Plenty of space to grow potatoes when TSHTF.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 18:05 | 4722052 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

The more expensive these palaces get the more tasteless they actually LOOK.

All glass & steel.  Where's the human scale?  All new...no history, no woodwork, even the furniture doesn't give a nod to classic style or design.  Not even a hint of Frank Lloyd Wright here - the place looks like the interior of some hotel lobby or spaceship.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 18:35 | 4722152 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

From a utility / view / services viewpoint, probably not bad value at all (especially in regard of the prices expected (and paid) for lesser properties in, e.g. Kensington.

1. Very nice (and probably "never to be obstructed") view out over Hyde Park,

2. Right in the heart of one of the World's major Cities, with all the quality experiences that are intrinsic to such a location,

3. Excellent transport links Worldwide - minutes (by fast underground) to the World's busiest airport - Heathrow, even shorter transit times to the Eurostar London terminal. Very fast Public Transport links to Gatwick and Stanstead.

4. Easy access to all the major UK motorways,

5. Easy (and fast) access to all the UK mainline rail termini.

6. Excellent availability of World Class medical care - either via the many World Class London (NHS) Hospitals, or the equally reputable Private institutions (e.g. The Cromwell).

In comparison for the VERY much more overinflated prices in any Australian major city (especially Sydney and Melbourne), for far, far less utility value, I regard it as pretty good value indeed.

(Not that I'll be making the new owners any offers, of course - the commute would be rather extreme!)

 

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