Senate Democrats Declare Victory Over Winter Weather, Praise Collapse In Jobless Rate

Tyler Durden's picture


Statement from JEC Vice Chair Klobuchar on April 2014 Employment Report

U.S. Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Vice Chair of the U.S. Congress Joint Economic Committee (JEC), released the following statement on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ April 2014 jobs report showing that 288,000 total nonfarm jobs were added and the unemployment fell from 6.7% to 6.3%:

"After a long hard winter it is good news that the employment numbers are picking up.


To hit the lowest unemployment rate in five and a half years is a positive sign as we move into the summer season that should bring more construction and tourism jobs.


Many American families are still struggling with high costs of housing, childcare and college and we need to continue our work to give them a fair shot."

Where are the banners proclaiming Mission Accomplished?

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Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719957 Cattender
Cattender's picture

they make me Proud to be an American!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719960 90's Child
90's Child's picture

Shit.... These are probably the same people that believe in god.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24 | 4719973 percolator
percolator's picture

And the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, unicorns, etc....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719984 blabam
blabam's picture

And Osama Bin laden.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720034 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Like all investments, Obama's investments in the economy have taken a while to pay off, but now the specacular results are shining through for all to see. We are finally witnessing the accelerated economic growth that many analysts have been predicting for years. It's simple: Record Investments = Record Growth. Why do zerohedgers have to make economics so complicated?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:42 | 4720055 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Growth in what?  Prison populations?  People not in the labor force? Food stamp usage?  Medicare enrollment?  Yes, nice work MDB!  Glad I took your advice and went long black markets and sharecropping.  You were correct, slavery is making a big comeback, no doubt about it now.

Nice work.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:55 | 4720135 RevRex
RevRex's picture

Global WARMING makes record cold, and the record cold caused by the warming all over the entire world (GLOBAL WARMING) causes job loss......what is so hard to understand?


I mean we are all smart enough to put water into our ovens when we want to make ice cubes, right?


Yep, both parties are the same, but the Socialist Semite Democrat media only lies for one of them.....because they are the same.......right?


It's a shame that some people don't have a clue about how stupid they sound.....(see "90's Child's Childish post below) I can't believe how many idiots repeat this stupidity!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:05 | 4720208 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Go look up the definition of sarcasm asshat.  Yes, some people do say stupid shit, thanks for the demo.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:57 | 4721017 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture


CAGW is a cooked-up governmental problem, whose ONLY solution involves the confiscation of my money and a life-style tending towards that of a cave man ...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:14 | 4720226 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Slavery/serfdom making a comeback ?  Hell, it never ended.

Their 'money' is an illusion. Made up out of nothing with computer keystrokes. So, they literally loan . . . nothing.

This is no different than some king on a throne passing out 'royal decrees'. (They must be 'legit' because the king's 'official' seal is on them !)  Their royal decrees are in the form of fiat nothings. On them might as well be printed "The king gives you this official looking paper, and you give him the goods you produce & your labor services . . . serf. Now bend over, the king is feeling frisky ! "  (And 'kings' are also a fraud - - - nothing but a gangster who saw that people, for some reason, respect symbols such as crowns.)

Its really quite hilarious when you think about it. I can't help laughing out loud when I hear people say "We gotta pay our national 'debt'. "  And when this whole thing collapses, they'll try to replace the old b.s. royal decrees with other ones - SDRs or whatever. 

The joke's on us, because we never understood the comedy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:35 | 4720387 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Naked Slavery"  that better?

The debt is a complete fraud by the way. 

Those of us who have known this have done quite well.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:16 | 4720586 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

@LawofPhysics -I was agreeing w/ you. We're on the same side.
New ZHers may not know this stuff.

Because people don't know how money works, they're enslaved - as you know

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720056 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

I can't wait for teh shooting to start.....MillionDollarBonus_ will be running for the hills....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720057 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

"That's Fucking Interesting"  - The Dude

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720107 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

"Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man." The Dude

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:48 | 4720721 goBackToSleep
goBackToSleep's picture

I'll take "the winter is over for $400", Alex.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:58 | 4720174 -.-
-.-'s picture

I usually refrain from commenting, but...


We really ought to just ignore this half-steppin' fucktard (MillionDollarBonus) for the betterment of this site---fuck this piece of shit, walk away, and don't fuck your shoes up stepping over this money-hungry fool.


Sero sed serio

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:02 | 4720195 sleigher
sleigher's picture

Don't feed the trolls.  There was a sign above the door on the way in.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:28 | 4720636 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

MBD is a long time Sarc Master on ZH.

Sit back and enjoy the jokes. Anyone can use a laugh today, right ?  :)

BTW -  MBD knows its sarc, but some people out there actually believe & say the same kinda things he spoofs.  Crazy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:19 | 4720293 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

I'd like to finish this sentence: Many American families are still struggling with high costs of housing, childcare and college ...

... due to unbridled greed and government intervention into the free markets.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719986 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

Are you an idot?  Democrats are godless communist!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:31 | 4720015 90's Child
90's Child's picture

It appears you are.
There is no Red / Blue team. It's all one.
Serfs up Sheep.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:36 | 4720042 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

Your sarcasm meter is broken. I know all about the red/blue illusion.  The politicians only worship at the altars of narcassim, power and money.  But they are just trained monkeys that dance to the tune of the Bankster organ grinders.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:41 | 4720077 pods
pods's picture

Did you know that red and blue mixed together makes purple?

Sorry, just popped in my head.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720104 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Purple, like that retarded pedophile dinosaur. This actually explains a lot.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:05 | 4720209 pods
pods's picture

Dude, since you have kids, have you ever seen the commercials for Yo Gabba Gabba?

The red one looks like a sex toy.  Le Tickler de Francais!  

(Wife showed me the commercial, cause she rocks.)


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:16 | 4720280 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I think the fact that he's a "one-eyed monster" means he is a sex toy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:46 | 4720714 goBackToSleep
goBackToSleep's picture

oh yeah,  my wife and I call this peka pig. I can't make this shit up!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:54 | 4720160 90's Child
90's Child's picture

My father always said. "There is no red or blue. It's all purple"

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:34 | 4720659 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Purple, the color of the bruises we get from all this ?

Yeah, . . . that makes sense.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:52 | 4720142 RevRex
RevRex's picture

Stupid is as 90's Child Posts!!


How idiotic.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719995 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Basic information before leaving earth.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:29 | 4720001 pods
pods's picture

These people just have no shame.

I mean, Clinton used to spin stuff. That was fine.  It was kinda cool he dropped one all over that chubby intern.

But this?  Come on.  This isn't even funny anymore.  Baghdad Bob had more credibility.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:35 | 4720036 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I don't know about them, but I do.  My guess is their gods are money and power.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:36 | 4720039 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

Shit.... These are probably the same people that believe in god.

hit a soft spot there did ya?

Next time try following up with 'It's Obama's fault' or throw in the word negro.

Will soften the blow. 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:42 | 4720070 MassDecep
MassDecep's picture

Satan knows God, and ask him for permission to wreak havok.

Job 1:6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them. 7 And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. 8 And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that [there is] none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? 9 Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought? 10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.  11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. 12 And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath [is] in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

Sound like this may be happening in America? Only difference is we are no where near as esteemed as Job!!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:48 | 4720118 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

I am not once to judge, but I do belive that at least 50% of Americans need to perish just to get us back to a God fearing society......I fear that day may be coming soon.  God is not pleased.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:51 | 4720461 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

The fudge packer in chief is wearing new clothes! The fudge packer in chief is wearing new clothes!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719961 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

high cost of ,,,, healthcare

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719962 khakuda
khakuda's picture

Ok.  If everything is so great then why are interest rates at zero?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719998 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

they've successfully killed the will of many americans' desire to work, as witnessed in the drop of labor participation rate.  and they pat themselves on the back for this?  fucking criminal.  makes putin look like a cuddly teddy bear.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:55 | 4720479 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

.... what's the need to work for? free  EBT cards, free fudgepackerfuns, free fudgepacker care,free this, free that, etc, etc, etc.... the equivalent income for a fudge packer free loader is higher than the average tax paying U.S. citizen serf and peasant......what's not to like with that?  .... frackin free paid vacation courtesy the tax paying U.S. citizen serfs and peasants.... woohoo....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:30 | 4720009 swass
swass's picture

You need only pay attention to what they tell you to.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720060 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Now that it's not winter, what excuse will there be for lousy numbers?

Alien invasion, asteroids, hemorrhoids???

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719964 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Like I said earlier. It's time to bring the poll numbers up..... it's the economy stupid. When it gets serious, you have to lie.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:26 | 4719980 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Then apparently it's been serious for 5 years because the lying hasn't stopped yet.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:29 | 4720005 Two-bits
Two-bits's picture

Fuck yeah Doc.  Time for some selfies and an hashtag.


#United for Americorp, Inc.



Next a 3 minute press conference with no questions and then off to stroke some balls.  All in a day's work.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:33 | 4720022 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

"stroke some balls." 

Is that what obama calls spending quality time with Reggie Love?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:40 | 4720066 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The difference now is that the lies have gone all the way down through an engulfed government agencies who are supposed to be non-partisan.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:07 | 4720221 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Everybodys All ...

Pretty sure that it's NOT dictated that any government agencies are supposed to be non-partisan; they exist to advance their own causes AND THOSE OF THEIR PUPPETEERS.

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