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Senate Democrats Declare Victory Over Winter Weather, Praise Collapse In Jobless Rate

Tyler Durden's picture


Statement from JEC Vice Chair Klobuchar on April 2014 Employment Report

U.S. Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), Vice Chair of the U.S. Congress Joint Economic Committee (JEC), released the following statement on the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ April 2014 jobs report showing that 288,000 total nonfarm jobs were added and the unemployment fell from 6.7% to 6.3%:

"After a long hard winter it is good news that the employment numbers are picking up.


To hit the lowest unemployment rate in five and a half years is a positive sign as we move into the summer season that should bring more construction and tourism jobs.


Many American families are still struggling with high costs of housing, childcare and college and we need to continue our work to give them a fair shot."

Where are the banners proclaiming Mission Accomplished?


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Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719957 Cattender
Cattender's picture

they make me Proud to be an American!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719960 90's Child
90's Child's picture

Shit.... These are probably the same people that believe in god.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24 | 4719973 percolator
percolator's picture

And the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, unicorns, etc....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719984 blabam
blabam's picture

And Osama Bin laden.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720034 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Like all investments, Obama's investments in the economy have taken a while to pay off, but now the specacular results are shining through for all to see. We are finally witnessing the accelerated economic growth that many analysts have been predicting for years. It's simple: Record Investments = Record Growth. Why do zerohedgers have to make economics so complicated?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:42 | 4720055 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Growth in what?  Prison populations?  People not in the labor force? Food stamp usage?  Medicare enrollment?  Yes, nice work MDB!  Glad I took your advice and went long black markets and sharecropping.  You were correct, slavery is making a big comeback, no doubt about it now.

Nice work.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:55 | 4720135 RevRex
RevRex's picture

Global WARMING makes record cold, and the record cold caused by the warming all over the entire world (GLOBAL WARMING) causes job loss......what is so hard to understand?


I mean we are all smart enough to put water into our ovens when we want to make ice cubes, right?


Yep, both parties are the same, but the Socialist Semite Democrat media only lies for one of them.....because they are the same.......right?


It's a shame that some people don't have a clue about how stupid they sound.....(see "90's Child's Childish post below) I can't believe how many idiots repeat this stupidity!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:05 | 4720208 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Go look up the definition of sarcasm asshat.  Yes, some people do say stupid shit, thanks for the demo.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:57 | 4721017 Ident 7777 economy
Ident 7777 economy's picture


CAGW is a cooked-up governmental problem, whose ONLY solution involves the confiscation of my money and a life-style tending towards that of a cave man ...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:14 | 4720226 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Slavery/serfdom making a comeback ?  Hell, it never ended.

Their 'money' is an illusion. Made up out of nothing with computer keystrokes. So, they literally loan . . . nothing.

This is no different than some king on a throne passing out 'royal decrees'. (They must be 'legit' because the king's 'official' seal is on them !)  Their royal decrees are in the form of fiat nothings. On them might as well be printed "The king gives you this official looking paper, and you give him the goods you produce & your labor services . . . serf. Now bend over, the king is feeling frisky ! "  (And 'kings' are also a fraud - - - nothing but a gangster who saw that people, for some reason, respect symbols such as crowns.)

Its really quite hilarious when you think about it. I can't help laughing out loud when I hear people say "We gotta pay our national 'debt'. "  And when this whole thing collapses, they'll try to replace the old b.s. royal decrees with other ones - SDRs or whatever. 

The joke's on us, because we never understood the comedy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:35 | 4720387 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Naked Slavery"  that better?

The debt is a complete fraud by the way. 

Those of us who have known this have done quite well.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:16 | 4720586 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

@LawofPhysics -I was agreeing w/ you. We're on the same side.
New ZHers may not know this stuff.

Because people don't know how money works, they're enslaved - as you know

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720056 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

I can't wait for teh shooting to start.....MillionDollarBonus_ will be running for the hills....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720057 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

"That's Fucking Interesting"  - The Dude

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720107 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

"Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man." The Dude

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:48 | 4720721 goBackToSleep
goBackToSleep's picture

I'll take "the winter is over for $400", Alex.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:58 | 4720174 -.-
-.-'s picture

I usually refrain from commenting, but...


We really ought to just ignore this half-steppin' fucktard (MillionDollarBonus) for the betterment of this site---fuck this piece of shit, walk away, and don't fuck your shoes up stepping over this money-hungry fool.


Sero sed serio

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:02 | 4720195 sleigher
sleigher's picture

Don't feed the trolls.  There was a sign above the door on the way in.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:28 | 4720636 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

MBD is a long time Sarc Master on ZH.

Sit back and enjoy the jokes. Anyone can use a laugh today, right ?  :)

BTW -  MBD knows its sarc, but some people out there actually believe & say the same kinda things he spoofs.  Crazy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:19 | 4720293 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

I'd like to finish this sentence: Many American families are still struggling with high costs of housing, childcare and college ...

... due to unbridled greed and government intervention into the free markets.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719986 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

Are you an idot?  Democrats are godless communist!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:31 | 4720015 90's Child
90's Child's picture

It appears you are.
There is no Red / Blue team. It's all one.
Serfs up Sheep.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:36 | 4720042 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

Your sarcasm meter is broken. I know all about the red/blue illusion.  The politicians only worship at the altars of narcassim, power and money.  But they are just trained monkeys that dance to the tune of the Bankster organ grinders.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:41 | 4720077 pods
pods's picture

Did you know that red and blue mixed together makes purple?

Sorry, just popped in my head.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720104 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Purple, like that retarded pedophile dinosaur. This actually explains a lot.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:05 | 4720209 pods
pods's picture

Dude, since you have kids, have you ever seen the commercials for Yo Gabba Gabba?

The red one looks like a sex toy.  Le Tickler de Francais!  

(Wife showed me the commercial, cause she rocks.)


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:16 | 4720280 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

I think the fact that he's a "one-eyed monster" means he is a sex toy.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:46 | 4720714 goBackToSleep
goBackToSleep's picture

oh yeah,  my wife and I call this peka pig. I can't make this shit up!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:54 | 4720160 90's Child
90's Child's picture

My father always said. "There is no red or blue. It's all purple"

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:34 | 4720659 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

Purple, the color of the bruises we get from all this ?

Yeah, . . . that makes sense.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:52 | 4720142 RevRex
RevRex's picture

Stupid is as 90's Child Posts!!


How idiotic.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719995 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Basic information before leaving earth.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:29 | 4720001 pods
pods's picture

These people just have no shame.

I mean, Clinton used to spin stuff. That was fine.  It was kinda cool he dropped one all over that chubby intern.

But this?  Come on.  This isn't even funny anymore.  Baghdad Bob had more credibility.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:35 | 4720036 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I don't know about them, but I do.  My guess is their gods are money and power.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:36 | 4720039 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

Shit.... These are probably the same people that believe in god.

hit a soft spot there did ya?

Next time try following up with 'It's Obama's fault' or throw in the word negro.

Will soften the blow. 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:42 | 4720070 MassDecep
MassDecep's picture

Satan knows God, and ask him for permission to wreak havok.

Job 1:6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them. 7 And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. 8 And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that [there is] none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? 9 Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought? 10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.  11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. 12 And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath [is] in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.

Sound like this may be happening in America? Only difference is we are no where near as esteemed as Job!!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:48 | 4720118 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

I am not once to judge, but I do belive that at least 50% of Americans need to perish just to get us back to a God fearing society......I fear that day may be coming soon.  God is not pleased.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:51 | 4720461 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

The fudge packer in chief is wearing new clothes! The fudge packer in chief is wearing new clothes!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:22 | 4719961 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

high cost of ,,,, healthcare

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719962 khakuda
khakuda's picture

Ok.  If everything is so great then why are interest rates at zero?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719998 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

they've successfully killed the will of many americans' desire to work, as witnessed in the drop of labor participation rate.  and they pat themselves on the back for this?  fucking criminal.  makes putin look like a cuddly teddy bear.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:55 | 4720479 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

.... what's the need to work for? free  EBT cards, free fudgepackerfuns, free fudgepacker care,free this, free that, etc, etc, etc.... the equivalent income for a fudge packer free loader is higher than the average tax paying U.S. citizen serf and peasant......what's not to like with that?  .... frackin free paid vacation courtesy the tax paying U.S. citizen serfs and peasants.... woohoo....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:30 | 4720009 swass
swass's picture

You need only pay attention to what they tell you to.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:39 | 4720060 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Now that it's not winter, what excuse will there be for lousy numbers?

Alien invasion, asteroids, hemorrhoids???

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719964 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Like I said earlier. It's time to bring the poll numbers up..... it's the economy stupid. When it gets serious, you have to lie.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:26 | 4719980 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Then apparently it's been serious for 5 years because the lying hasn't stopped yet.


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:29 | 4720005 Two-bits
Two-bits's picture

Fuck yeah Doc.  Time for some selfies and an hashtag.


#United for Americorp, Inc.



Next a 3 minute press conference with no questions and then off to stroke some balls.  All in a day's work.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:33 | 4720022 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

"stroke some balls." 

Is that what obama calls spending quality time with Reggie Love?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:40 | 4720066 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The difference now is that the lies have gone all the way down through an engulfed government agencies who are supposed to be non-partisan.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:07 | 4720221 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Everybodys All ...

Pretty sure that it's NOT dictated that any government agencies are supposed to be non-partisan; they exist to advance their own causes AND THOSE OF THEIR PUPPETEERS.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719966 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719997 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture
Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:30 | 4720007 Cursive
Cursive's picture


We need another Paul Wellstone funeral/political convention to bring the love!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:23 | 4719968 swass
swass's picture

Good news!  Now the Fed can eliminate QE.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:33 | 4720021 Edward1290
Edward1290's picture


''QE, for lack of a better word, is good. QE is right. QE works. QE clarifies, cuts through, and captures, the essence of the evolutionary spirit. QE, in all of its forms; QE for life, for money, for love, knowledge, has marked the upward surge of mankind and QE, you mark my words, will not only save the banksters, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the U.S.A..''

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24 | 4719969 Devotional
Devotional's picture

a public official saying "we need to continue our work"

"work" he says, "work"

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:37 | 4720045 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Mr. Yellen's printers are the only things doing any "work" ...


Fuck you Schumer, you giant festering piece of shit

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24 | 4719972 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Leave no mouth breathing government dependent behind.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:24 | 4719975 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Fuck off...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:26 | 4719979 blabam
blabam's picture

Make it stahp!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:26 | 4719981 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

When did the film Idiocracy a roadmap for become policy? 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:31 | 4720011 pods
pods's picture

"Family Style."

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:26 | 4719982 Laughinggrizzley
Laughinggrizzley's picture

"We have nothing to fear, but a crazy Kenyan Keysian Communist, who likes bath houses!"

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:31 | 4720647 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

aka corrupt, arrogant, narciisstic, illegal alien indonesian kenyan sociopathic lying fudge packer in chief....

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719983 short screwed
short screwed's picture

Things are picking up. I noticed that my weekly chocolate ration was raised to 20 grams. :)

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719985 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

Can't wait until a real improvement... Government insolvment

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:27 | 4719990 AR
AR's picture

This is our first post in a long time and felt compelled to ask:  Are people like this Congress Women (i.e. moron) really this stupid ?  We got it... it's a rhetorical question.  These people are so out-of-touch with reality.

Hope everyone at ZH are doing well out there.  Good luck.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:40 | 4720064 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

We'all going to die

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:55 | 4720480 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

LOL, sad thing is your statement is one of the few things you can really trust to happen.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:07 | 4720222 viahj
viahj's picture

did you see the wacky market reaction to this morning's job report?  everyone knows the report is bogus yet everyone of them, plays along like it's truth.  it's about political power and making profit in the markets.  it will remain this way until the people rise up.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719992 Cursive
Cursive's picture

It's just a made up number and this idiot politican (yes, redundunt) doesn't even know what it means.  Anything "measured" can be improved or faked.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:48 | 4720120 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Remember, politics is just acting for ugly people.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4719993 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

someone kneecap that self-serving mother fukker!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:29 | 4719999 g'kar
g'kar's picture

"After a long hard winter"


First winter we've had in decades.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:43 | 4720090 moonman
moonman's picture

It even snowed in the Northeast.

Shocked I tell ya

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:28 | 4720000 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

If they really cared they'd commit mass seppuku.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:30 | 4720010 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

Shit flows downhill.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:33 | 4720024 swass
swass's picture

I think what the government will find, eventually, is that shit actually flows uphill.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:31 | 4720012 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     Is this an Onion article?

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:34 | 4720026 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

Of course they praise it, and they have already sent out the scripts to all the MSM Government News agency's for the 5 o'clock BS fest. Remember its 6 months to the November elections and most if not all this BS is voter strategy.

The key here will the Voting Populous buy it? I have my doubts. The Dems are the party of Fakery and after this has run it course they are finished.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:42 | 4720085 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

Just waiting and praying that the republicans get in power. Then things will change. 

If they had control of the Senate, House, and POTUS, man that would be the bomb! (NSA - just a saying)

Shite, if they can just get control of the house, I am sure the Republicans would really make some changes for the better. 

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720106 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

I won't hold my breath on this comment.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:15 | 4720272 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Bill of Rights It's all one party, not two. They take turns, and the agenda's all agreed upon, ad infinitum.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:34 | 4720028 Sticky Wicket
Sticky Wicket's picture

If the red team was in office, the jobs report would be good news and the blue team would complain . Since the blue team is 'in power', the jobs report is good news and the red team will complain. It's quite amazing people still believe politicians care about anything other than getting re-elected.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:46 | 4720103 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

The root of the problem is at these government agencies who employ lifetime bureaucrats who are willing accomplices to the progressives agenda of an ever expanding federal government. The federal government now accounts for well over 20% of the entire US gdp. This will end in tears most assuredly.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:35 | 4720671 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

... the day the pay checks dry up for all the lfetime can never be fired guvt bureaucrats as well as for the fudge packer freeloaders, every tax paying U.S. citiizen should go dancing naked in the streets...

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:34 | 4720029 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

just like vietnam in the end. declare victory and go home.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:57 | 4720488 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

And leave behind a shattered country in your wake

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:38 | 4720048 Obama_4_Dictator
Obama_4_Dictator's picture

Peak stupidity????

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:38 | 4720050 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

The future is so bright we have decided to start handing out sunglasses!


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:41 | 4720071 Bryan
Bryan's picture

These idiots need to be voted out and replaced with people who have thinking brains.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:54 | 4720162 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

United Nations voting oversight


Rigged HFT Stock Market, economy, and elections.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:43 | 4720091 Atomizer
Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:49 | 4720126 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:50 | 4720130 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I'd love the chance to be able to give these politicians a 'fair shot'.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:53 | 4720148 novictim
novictim's picture


Remember this!

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:20 | 4720298 kurt
kurt's picture

Healthy Unemployment Rate for Low Pay and No Benefits, Rights, or Respect.

The One We Have Now

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 10:58 | 4720176 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

"...average monthly number of job adds is 172K.. ...average monthly number of people who drop out of the labor force since February 2010? 175K


Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:07 | 4720211 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Math is never easy to compile on a ledger, when the FED can print by debasing a currency. It’s all rainbows and pixie dust at the end of the day.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:09 | 4720237 Chuck Knoblauch
Chuck Knoblauch's picture

"Young At Heart"

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you
If you're young at heart.
For it's hard, you will find, to be narrow of mind
If you're young at heart.

You can go to extremes with impossible schemes.
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams.
And life gets more exciting with each passing day.
And love is either in your heart, or on it's way.

Don't you know that it's worth every treasure on earth
To be young at heart.
For as rich as you are, it's much better by far
To be young at heart.

And if you should survive to 105,
Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart.

[Musical interlude]

And if you should survive to 105,
Look at all you'll derive out of being alive!
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:33 | 4720370 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Next week they'll be screaming about needing to extend unemployment benefits for 1000 weeks and raising the minimum wage to $50/hr.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 12:00 | 4720505 James-Morrison
James-Morrison's picture

Seattle is well on the way to $15 per hour, the mayor just announced.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 11:51 | 4720459 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

'Senate Democrats praise collapse'......there headline fixed.

Fri, 05/02/2014 - 13:28 | 4720878 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

The scary thing about this is that the propaganda media is starting to acknowledge that "unemployment is down, but those not working is way up."

The general rule is:  if they have to admit it, even tacitly, things are really bad.

If you don't yet have gold, silver, steel and lead, you're way behind.


"My guillotine has steel."

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