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The Latest Victim Of The Ukraine Crisis: Beer

Tyler Durden's picture


Everyone knows that when it comes to apologists and scapegoats, Q1 was all about weather excuses, and as SocGen already showed earlier today when it took a $730 million charge on its Russian subsidiary, Q2 misses will all be Ukraine's fault, which is ironic because as recently as a month ago experts were screaming over each other how little Ukraine matters for the global economy, how meaningless Russian exposure is to western banks and so on. But while one can at least superficially justify a bank provisioning against deposit flight and the accumulation of bad debt in a country in which paying one's debt is the last thing on the population's mind, a new and quite different victim of the Ukraine crisis was revealed earlier today when beer titan Carlsberg swung to a net loss and issued a profit warning: beer.

One would think revolutions and civil wars are bullish for thirst and alcohol consumption: after all it is far easier to charge a tank when hammered than sober. However, when it comes to beer at least, one would be wrong.

As the WSJ explained, the reason why Carlsberg - the fourth largest brewer in the world - had some less than pleasant words about events in the Ukraine, "the Danish brewer has built up a significant exposure to Russia in recent years, driven by beer brands such as Baltika and Tuborg, amid a wider bet it has placed on Eastern Europe." The bet got so big that Russia is now its largest single market. And now comes the hangover.

The world's No. 4 brewer downgraded its full-year outlook for net performance to reflect Russia's fragile economic situation, saying it now expects net profit to grow by a low-single-digit percentage in 2014, instead of the mid-single-digit percentage it previously expected. The ruble's weakness against the euro, along with currency headwinds in some other markets, is a key reason behind the downgrade.

To be sure Obama did warn of "costs" in Russia, but as we have noted repeatedly, he did not clarify that the costs would be borne by western companies.

That said, Carlsberg decided to go for the kitchen sink approach, and in addition to blaming the Ukraine crisis also reached for that old standby, drumroll, "poor weather." And just to seal the trifecta of excuses, it also threw in the slowing Chinese economy in the bucket.

Carlsberg was also hit by poor weather conditions in China and a weak economy in Vietnam. It said organic growth conditions, excluding the impact of foreign exchange, remains strong and the performance of its premium labels is strengthening.


"Included in the outlook is a more uncertain macro situation in Russia and Ukraine," the company said. Interruptions in Ukraine were very limited through March 31, but the brewer has had to stop production at times in recent months and the government at the beginning of May boosted beer excise duties by 43%, leading to price increases of 5% to 6% for Carlsberg products.

Considering that the company reported a 14% net revenue decline in Eastern Europe in the first quarter compared with a year earlier, and its overall operating profit fell by about a third, perhaps there is a more systemic reason for the plunge in demand for its products: such as the locals, not only in Russia but elsewhere, simply no longer have the discretionary income to afford its products. Indeed, the facts bear this out:

Even before the crisis in Ukraine, which has affected many European companies with a presence in Russia, brewers were struggling due to regulatory changes and other factors that pulled the overall Russian beer market down. Last month, Dutch brewer Heineken NV, one of Carlsberg's main rivals, reported a 37% fall in first quarter net profit, citing "challenging beer market conditions in Russia."

But let's not focus on this too much as it would destroy the entire narrative that the reason why some $50 billion in projected growth was wiped out from the $17 trillion US economy had to do with "harsh weather."

As for Asia, apparently it snowed in China and Japan too. And when it snows there, nobody drinks beer.

Group beer volumes for Carlsberg declined 3% during the first quarter, as organic growth in Western Europe was offset by declines in Eastern Europe and Asia. In addition to unfavorable weather conditions in Asia, Carlsberg also pulled back from unprofitable volumes during the quarter.

But before we cry for Carlsberg we are confident that the company, which certainly has the balance sheet for it, will be raided by some activist who demands it stop expanding here and there and instead use the bulk of its cash to buyback its stock - after all what better way to give the false impression that all is going swimmingly with a company than it levering up and using the proceeds to be even more shareholder friendly.

Finally, as for end demand, this is Russia we are talking about: if anything, what is left unsaid here is that the locals, who may indeed have shunned beer, have simply moved on to cheaper, and more concentrated alternatives. Speaking of, is Popov vodka public?


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Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:51 | 4736926 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

This means war.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:52 | 4736932 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture




[Somehow that must violate the Geneva Convention...]




Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:03 | 4736979 Headbanger
Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:33 | 4737035 Ying-Yang
Ying-Yang's picture

The FBI is not ONLY in the Ukraine........

Pakistan police question American after FBI arrest

A law enforcement official in the U.S. identified the man as an FBI agent and said he was in Pakistan as part of a multi-agency, anti-corruption program. The official said the agent appears to have made a mistake and that there's no indication he was trying to carry bullets aboard the plane.

Wow our FBI guys are everywhere!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:53 | 4737282 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Corzine is in Pakistan?!

Wow, the efforts that they will go to in order to hunt him down.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:00 | 4737310 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

They cut off the beer nuts and i'm enlisting


Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:06 | 4736988 Relentless101
Relentless101's picture

Article 2E.

Thou shalt not fuck with thy beer production.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:20 | 4737014 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Nobody Worry! Mongo will do everything in his power to RE-Hypothecate this industry

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:24 | 4737022 Crazed Weevil
Crazed Weevil's picture

Use this quickly!!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:24 | 4737023 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Eastern Ukraine had better start drinking up.

The empties are needed for incendiary service.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:32 | 4737392 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Does that mean that if we send them massive shipments of beer all the empties will be filled, and there will be no more fires?

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:14 | 4737184 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

no transgender western  faggot.

this does not  mean war

this means wodka

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:53 | 4736935 Charles The Ham...
Charles The Hammer Martel's picture

NOT CARLSBERG! The Russians are sure to fold up and go home now

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:53 | 4736940 Charles The Ham...
Charles The Hammer Martel's picture

This is also great news for Stolichnaya Vodka

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:22 | 4737017 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

No shit. Beer if fine, but liquors quicker, comrade.
I'm sure when Vlad and Angela broker the "merger", the Russians will finely get some decent beer and Germany will be able to keep the lights on and the cars moving.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:47 | 4737268 CPL
CPL's picture

Where do you think most of the hops for all the Beer in Europe comes from?  Alternatively the largest producer of grains to malt for beers, whiskey's, sweet ports, etc, etc, etc. 

Europe is now on the wagon, starting whenever the last of the summer wine is gone.  Game on.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:00 | 4737309 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Time for Hopfensraum?!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:29 | 4737382 CPL
CPL's picture

You can drink it all at once or stagger it, doesn't matter.  Up to you.  Just sayin it's going to be a long time before people have a cheap and far too easy excuse to act like an asshole and hide in a bottle.  

Oh and wine press grapes aren't going to do too well either.  New type of Phylloxera that is incredibly tenacious is tearing ass through vineyards, should be about...everywhere...about now.  Should save everyone the trouble of listening to the self-anointed vintner at dinner parties detailing the history of what amounts to a long pee.

Protip:  For vodka... I wouldn't be drinking your future fuel source.  It's a pain in the ass pushing an car with an empty gas tank when drunk.  Much easier if it goes in the tank.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:37 | 4737401 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Luckily the larger malthouses in the US (ADM, Briess, Gambrinus, Great Western, etc.) source their grain from N. America. There are hops grown all over the place here in FEMA region X. We'll be OK, fuck the EU. ;-)

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:07 | 4737667 CPL
CPL's picture


I'm saying that easily accessible, cheap alcohol in general is going to get a little harder to make without a couple of key ingredients.  Forever. 

It's one of the most destructive retail items on the planet and serves zero purpose unless putting it in a gas tank.  It's the cause of the majority of social issues, public damages, riots, 2 am fights, spousal beatings, a large percentage of divorce cases, coyote ugly regret, destroys communities, etc.  Just ask a cop what 90% of their "social calls" are related to.  It's certainly not crack dealers like TV tells everyone, it's most always booze.

Historically it was to make sure people didn't die of scurvy or dysentery because the water was bad in an area, so it was cut with alcohol to kill the bugs in it.  Today, anyone can buy a straw filtration device for under 10 dollars and sip straight sewage without getting sick.  The technology is old, and old things go the way of the dodo.  Alcohol, for drinking, is now officially antiquated thanks to the widely accessible and common water filtration system.

If you need it, learn to use a still or make friends with someone that know what they are doing.  There just won't be base materials to provide any level of retail of alcohol at the same scope as given today.  This is the last of the summer wine.  It sucks for those that do drink.  But it really wasn't helping anyone, so take it as the opportunity to have an excuse to go dry for a while (like forever). 

In the meanwhile, try the following phrases on for size since everyone will have an excuse soon;

  • "I don't make enough to drink."
  • "I don't want to run around town trying to look for bottle of wine for the guests.  it simply doesn't exist honey."
  • "I don't know anyone that has any or knows how to make it."
  • "Hand sanitizer goes down smooth, I hope my vision returns."

Game on.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:26 | 4737744 Overfed
Overfed's picture

First of all, that's just heresy. Second, you vastly underestimate just how many things can be fermented into alcohol. Even if there were no barley or wheat or grapes, there are Himalayan blackberries, plums, apples, and pears growing all over my property and on the surrounding land. There WILL be booze.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 20:08 | 4737835 CPL
CPL's picture

You understand it's already been happening.  Certain things are just going to be removed fro the menu.  Those that can make booze, you are going to be everyone's best friend and charge whatever you feel like.  Understand though there is a reason you get to read these news articles from time to time.

Fake vodka 'can kill you' warning to Christmas shoppers

Once fuel does all that cheap, easily accessible booze.  Because morons have been making GMO monsters that sit in a bottle, mother nature retailiated at the right time to knock most of the old methods of booze production into the ditch.

Yes there are plenty of other ways to make booze.  You could make mead but all the honey bees are dead, or dying.  Or you could make carrot liquor, but I willing to bet it'll go down as friendly as a warm V8 on a hot day.  Or apple cider, but most of the apple orchards that provide the apples died from a drought a couple years ago. 

Point being; most alcohol like Beer and wine, don't count on them being around past the summer.  Verdict is out on yeast being aroud as well, there's something strange happening to most of the GMO yeasts used in booze production thanks to all the extra radiation.

I'll wait for that gem to surface after the news agencies actually do their job.  But here's some of the science.

Your dick will stop working is the short version.  The future is flacid as well as sober.  Drink up and game on

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:27 | 4737757 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Dang CPL, I did not know you were anti-alc. If done responsibly it is actually good for you, fun, relaxing and gives you a new outlook on life.

But damn those orange shandies go down nice...

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 20:00 | 4737881 CPL
CPL's picture

No, I just don't drink, people drink around me and I could care less.  Personally can't afford it on many levels.  And Europe is a beta site for going dry.  I suggest everyone watch closely, because that's your future as well.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 21:51 | 4738270 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

No offense attended, but do you know Bill W? I did, for 20 years, then said fuck's too short.

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 00:24 | 4738677 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Hey cpl in this life, with these issues....Fuck you!


Oh yea cpl and  also it's "couldn't care less" you cunt!

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 10:11 | 4739567 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

good stuff rasta

didn't know that about the yeast.
the malts for sure all GMOed unless you know your brewer or grow it yourself.

one other productive use for vodka : herbal tinctures.
a drop or 3 a day keeps the bugs away.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:47 | 4737410 Tao 4 the Show
Tao 4 the Show's picture

Maybe the Law of Unintended Consequences is at work. Turns out that using hops in beer making is only a few hundred years old and resulted from a beer recipe monopoly war having to do with the Catholic church. There were many herbs used in the past, some of which were sexual stimulants and/or slightly mind altering. Hops was a replacement herb that is actually bad for men (especially the prostate) due to anti testosterone effects, not to mention that it is sleep inducing (really makes one the life of the party). Some companies are trying to go back to older recipes, I hear, though have not had a chance to try any of these.

Before the Beer Purity Act of 1516, almost all beer was made with something called Gruit, which is a combination of yarrow, bog myrtle, and marsh rosemary. The Protestants were trying to break the Catholic monopoly on beer making and so introduced hopped beer. Pilsner beer was originally made with Henbane, which is psychoactive. The German Beserkers would drink it before battle! (Damn, are we boring these days, or what.)

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:04 | 4737476 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Hops are good for you and have been used in beer for nearly 1000 years. Not only do they make it tasty, the alpha acids are very destructive to gram-negative bacteria, making them a good preservative. If you're drinking enough beer that the hops are having a deleterious effect on you, you would likely be dead from liver/kidney failure or alcoholic cardiomyopathy.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:11 | 4737491 Tao 4 the Show
Tao 4 the Show's picture

No problem with what you are saying, but check out the estrogenic effects of Hops. Not good for many men for this reason.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:19 | 4737520 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Fair enough. But, it takes pretty large quantities. And phytoestrogens can actually be helpful for maintaining bone density and for fighting some cancers. I'd call it a push.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:29 | 4737546 Tao 4 the Show
Tao 4 the Show's picture

I will add a little to put a fine point on it. Hops is touted as a possible anti-prostate cancer ingredient. So, for this reason, it can be positive. OTOH, if someone is suffering from BPH, it can make the situation worse. A big factor in BPH is growth stimulated by activation of the estrogen receptors.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:31 | 4737768 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Gentlemen, would 9 or 10 BPD be unadvisable for someone diagnosed with stage 4 renal carcinoma after 50% liver removal?


Thu, 05/08/2014 - 00:33 | 4738697 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

What the fuck is with you pussies? Beer and most quality spirits is quintessential to a melodic stress free life style! I'm with the big crazy Viking fucks who ate a shit load of good food, drank wine and spirits and then just puked it all up in a bucket and went back for more. Fucked some who-ores and replayed it all again the next night! But oh my God you little panty wastes where oh where was the tofu? Fuck right off!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:46 | 4737571 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

ground ivy was also used to make what i believe was called alehoff. thing about ground ivy is that it grows like mad with very low maintenance.

whereby hops is seriously high maintenance. still love it though.

+1 for the info on the estro. didn't realize it was that heavy in it.

just found this

didn't realize you could use mugwort as well. cool, i've got an entire crop of it! give it to my female friends that time of the month.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:04 | 4737146 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Maybe Carlsberg corp owns Baltika, but it's produced in St.Petersburg. That it's not getting in to Ukraine is no surprise. 

As for Stoli, it's gonna be fine. Of course most Russians (and eastern europeans in general) know how to make their own moonshine anyway (Samagonka, Schmakovka). Beer isn't generally made at home except for some very weak brew consumed in the summer time.

So far this year's excuse calendar:

Jan - April "weather, snow" (who coulda known it!)

May - Aug "Ukraine"

Aug - Dec ?????   (asteroids? aliens? Barry's out golfing?)


Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:24 | 4737533 Continue With This
Continue With This's picture

You are right about the fact that Eastern Europeans make their own moonshine.

Hungarians mame very good Palinka.

Romanians make very good Tuica.

Croats and Serbs make the best Rakia.

Poles make some great Slivovitz.

Ukranians make a very good Horilka.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:54 | 4736942 blabam
blabam's picture

All this trade is getting in the way of woar!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:54 | 4736943 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Well, if the other efforts by the west  to start a proxy war won't work, this should do it.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:54 | 4736944 Continue With This
Continue With This's picture


Probably the best head of state in the World.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:58 | 4736958 centerline
centerline's picture

King of the sociopaths.  Quite a title.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:15 | 4737187 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

You can't criticize Putin on ZH.

He has a lot of girlfriends here.

Their cynicism is focused on whomever they're told to focus it.

I wonder when they will understand the that lack of critical thinking and cynicism is what earned them their lovely Western leaders in the first place?

Or that repeating that uncritical adulation will, with 100% certainty, earn an encore with their flavor-of-the-week?

There is a lot of smoke and overt human rights abuses behind the Putin regime that have gone unremarked only because the USG and much of Europe have gone full-on Orwell.

Russia is in grave danger of a lot of unnecessary wars and a President-for-Life. 

That didn't end well with the Tsars.  It didn't end well with the Premiers.  It wont end well here.

But... they see the black hats.  So the dazed and confused masses assume whomever the black hats are fighting must wear a white hat.

Wish the world worked like that.  But it doesn't.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 20:12 | 4737942 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


You can't criticize Putin on ZH.

He has a lot of girlfriends here.

Yeah, you're right about that. He's got a lot of visceral haters as well. Shills all around. Would you expect anything less from the opening ceremonies of such long anticipated events as The Third World War® and/or The Decline and Fall of the American Empire©?

Their cynicism is focused on whomever they're told to focus it.

As they are shills, this is a tautology.

I wonder when they will understand the that lack of critical thinking and cynicism is what earned them their lovely Western leaders in the first place?

Non sequitur.

Or that repeating that uncritical adulation will, with 100% certainty, earn an encore with their flavor-of-the-week?

Yes, shills will behave like shills, as expected, although I don't understand the point you're trying to make here. Perhaps it could be expressed more clearly in a form other than an ice cream parlor allegory?

There is a lot of smoke and overt human rights abuses behind the Putin regime

Sorry. Don't care. It's not my country, it's not my business. The people there can do what they want. If someone is afflicted with do-gooderism and wants to change the world, that's fine, but not on my dime.

There is a lot of smoke and overt human rights abuses behind the Vichy DC regime that have gone unremarked only because the USG and much of Europe have gone full-on Orwell.

Fixed it for you.

Russia is in grave danger of a lot of unnecessary wars and a President-for-Life.

Sorry. Don't care. It's not my country. That's their business, not mine.

That didn't end well with the Tsars.  It didn't end well with the Premiers.  It wont end well here.

Don't care. Don't care. Don't care.

But... they see the black hats.  So the dazed and confused masses assume whomever the black hats are fighting must wear a white hat.

Well, most people believe what they're led to believe, especially when the official narrative is the only exposure they receive for any given event.

What I find disheartening, yet fascinating nonetheless, is the number of intelligent people who are still unable to break free of the Cold War programming they've been indoctrinated with their entire lives. These are people who understand that the Federal Reserve is bullshit, the War On Drugs® is bullshit, the War On Terra® is bullshit, the PetroDollar is bullshit, the bailout of the TBTF banks is bullshit, the Iranian nuclear scare is bullshit, MERS (the mortgage scam, not the disease) is bullshit, John Corzine unimprisoned is bullshit, the economic "recovery" is bullshit, the whole left/right liberal/conservative democrat/republican paradigm is bullshit, and the news media are bullshit.

Yet as soon as they see or hear the word "Russia", they react at a gut level, without thinking, as if to a post hypnotic suggestion. The word is "Russia", but the autonomic perception is one or more of USSR, the Soviet Union, the reds, the commies, totalitarian dictatorship, Stalin, the bad guys, the enemy, perhaps even Hitler. It's really amazing how it continues to cloud their thinking. The USSR hasn't existed for decades, yet somehow they still cling to it.

Every time the next big threat has come around (the terrists, Saddam Hussein, the financial meltdown, imaginary Iranian nukes, et cetera), I've managed to learn something new. Usually this includes the realization that a long held belief has been wrong the whole time. Now that the threat du jour is The New Soviet Empire (bold italics to make it scary), I've learned a few more things, such as

1) some people still don't see a difference between Russia and the Soviet Union,

2) after Lenin's death, a Russian didn't lead the Soviet Union until Yuri Andropov in 1982,

3) the Bolsheviks were very afraid of, and brutally suppressed, any form of nationalism, especially Russian nationalism,

4) Stalin, a Georgian, forcibly relocated huge numbers of Russians to the Ukraine,

5) the holodomor was imposed not only on Ukrainians, but Russians and Kazakhs as well, and

6) Crimea was a part of Russia until Nikita Krushchev, a Ukrainian, took it from Russia and gave it to the Ukraine.

This has allowed me to understand how the Russians might view the overthrow of the Ukrainian government and the consequences that flowed from it.

Ordinarily, such an event would not be any of my business, except my country is ruled by the regime in Vichy DC, whose subterfuge and treachery were the direct cause of the overthrow. As their stupidity and arrogance are likely, once again, to make things worse for this country and others, it has become my business.

As far as I'm concerned, the adolescents running Vichy DC are more of a threat to the US and the rest of the world than is Putin. My judgement of Putin is based solely on his actions. By thwarting a US attack on Syria, he has saved American lives, as well as the lives of Syrians and others. By convincing Syria to give up its chemical weapons, he probably saved more people from grisly deaths. As recent events in eastern Ukraine and Odessa demonstrate, by facilitating a referendum which allowed the people of Crimea to choose peacefully whether or not to reunite with Russia, he has no doubt saved even more lives.

These actions lead me to believe that, in this circumstance and up to this point, Putin is no villain. Don't tell me about what the Soviets did before Putin was even born. It's irrelevant in this situation. I don't care about the politics, legal system, or internal affairs of Russia. I just don't care. I don't care about Pussy Riot. Fuck Pussy Riot.

So whenever I see someone conflating Russia with the USSR, I can only conclude that they are a victim of inescapable lifelong propaganda, or a shill. When I see someone chiming in to remind us all that "Putin is bad bad bad", again I can only conclude the same. When I see someone pointing out that "there are no good guys here, so Putin deserves no respect", their almost transparent subtlety leads me to believe that they are a shill.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 22:58 | 4738487 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Dead on, 4thS!

Aside from some of your handy work with our favorite Shitizen, that has to be your best comment to date. Summed up my thoughts exactly.

I simply give zero fucks about that whole shitstorm...that we created...and I have to actively and consciously fight my urge to slip into deeply embedded Cold War Programming.

I have a mantra that I meditate on when the urge is strong...

Don't start none, won't be none.
Don't start none, won't be none.
Don't start none, won't be none.
Don't start none, won't be none.

Because if you are a country with nukes, and you find yourself "accidentally" at war...somewhere else other than home turf....then you started something.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 23:00 | 4738492 The Blank Stare
The Blank Stare's picture

Nice shemp

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 10:20 | 4739628 tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

yeah kicked it old school like he used to do -

precise dissection of an argument.

shemp would make one helluva barrister before the Supremes.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:55 | 4736946 DIgnified
DIgnified's picture

The only thing missing in this life is waking up everyday to "I got you, babe."

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:56 | 4736950 Charles The Ham...
Charles The Hammer Martel's picture

The costs Russia is being burdened by are being felt in the West far more than in Russia. Who is going to buy all of those expensive German and Italian cars? Who is going to buy the Champagne? Who is going to provide the caviar and the suasages?

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:56 | 4736954 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Carlsberg beer sucks/ed...

Sapporo Extra Dry or bust...

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:03 | 4736960 Continue With This
Continue With This's picture

The best beer in the World is made by the Belgians.

The Holy Land of The Beer.

The Beer. The Best. In Belgium. 

Au Bon Vieux Temps

Impasse Saint-Nicolas 4,
1000 Bruxelles


Carlbergs and Heineken are probably the best commercialy sold beer.

Asian beer??? You've got to be joking me. 

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:16 | 4736981 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Sapporo is Canadian these days. Carlsberg and Heineken are in the same league with Budweiser as far as I'm concerned. If you like a GOOD pilsner, try Roger's from Georgetown brewing in Seattle.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:31 | 4737052 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Two German engineers flew over to look at a Nylon fiber process similar to theirs that they were having problems with. I met them at the airport around midnight and gave them a lift to the Holiday Inn. On the way we stopped at a Zippy Mart and they got a 6-pack of Bud to share to take the edge off. I had visited them in Germany and knew they were serious beer drinkers. I never drank Budweiser before so I couldn't warn them about it. They both had splitting headaches the next morning and demanded to know what the hell was in that "scheiss bier".

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:08 | 4737160 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Here's the answer:

Corn and rice.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:19 | 4737205 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Somebody told me it was also "surfactants" (soap) to give it a better head. I can't verify that so it could be BS.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:37 | 4737241 Overfed
Overfed's picture

A surfactant would make the head retention worse or non-existent. Surfactants break down surface tension. Rice and corn are adjuncts used to lighten the color and flavor of the beer. Homebrewers use both along with oats, wheat and roasted and kilned barley for flavor and body adjustment. For all you hipsters out there; Corona has a lot of corn in it.

All I can say is that anyone who wakes up with a headache from two or three Buds is a serious lightweight.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:29 | 4737378 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Overfed is right.

Though I might add that some people are sensitive to the live content of the beer.   Most commercial beers are very young.

They usually only have one short fermentation cycle, or possibly a shorter second cycle before all the living material is stripped, and then CO2 is injected at bottling time.

Natural beer develops its CO2 from fermentation until the oxygen is consumed.

 It results in differences in taste.  But moreover, it makes the beer dependant on the standards at the bottler. 

And speaking of standards... cleanliness and choice of chemicals for cleaning will make noticable differences in taste.

A bacterial infection would ruin a beer quickly.  Alternatively, getting a growth of inappropriate yeast could leave byproducts that your friends' systems may not have been prepared to handle.

Such things are rare at commercial bottlers, and usually noticed quickly... but they do happen.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:46 | 4737423 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Natural carbonation is pretty rare commercially, even at the craft and micro-brew levels.  It is true that commercial brewers tend to do everything possible to speed production, but by definition a lager/pilsner (Bud, Miller, Coors, Heineken, etc.) takes time and has to be stored cold for 1-3 months or more for the yeast to do their jobs properly.

Say what you will about BMC and the like, but their ability to produce the volume they do with the product consistency that they acheive is just about astonishing. Bud with improper yeast, like Brett, or other infection would be incredibly unlikely.

I toured the Olympia brewery a few years before Miller closed it down, and that place was cleaner than any hospital or Dr.'s office I've ever seen. It was spotless from floor to ceiling.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:46 | 4737424 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

Headaches result of chemicals in beer not allowed in Germany maybe? Bischoff bier is my favorite when I can get ahold of it. Cheers, Prosit, Skål and Kippis and in all the other languages I don't know.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:06 | 4736989 Continue With This
Continue With This's picture

Correct Google Maps link is

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:47 | 4737096 Ludwig Von
Ludwig Von's picture

Westmalle, Orval, Wastvleteren, Chimay, Rochefort. Leading. Then : Duvel, St.-Bernardus, Maredsous, Rodenbach and then a whole bunch of also very nice... . All from small artisanal sources.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:19 | 4737364 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

This is like declaring blue-eyed-blonds to be the epitome of beauty.

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And unlike beauty of the female sort, your beer will never become jealous if you try out another.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:30 | 4737543 Continue With This
Continue With This's picture

Of course I'm subjective.

But the best beer i've tried was the Belgian one, followed by German ones.


But to be honest, almost every country in Europe make some good beer.

I enjoyed even the Italian Nastro Azzuro or the Catalonian Estrella Damm.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:02 | 4736973 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I make my own, and it tastes as good or better than nearly anything I can buy, and for a lot less $$. About the only beer I buy any more is either particularly good ones that I can't duplicate (Like Walking Man Old Stumblefoot, or Fort George NorthVII) or when I'm looking for one to clone.


Free yourselves! Make your own beer!!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:11 | 4736998 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Self-reliance? Sounds like terrrist talk to me.

As for the article, I find it hard to believe people are drinking less nowadays. Does not compute.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:17 | 4737011 Overfed
Overfed's picture

I know I'm sure not drinking less these days. Beer is about the only thing standing between me and going postal.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:57 | 4737296 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

Same here. God I love you guys.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:59 | 4737442 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

Have not bought booze in ages. Too simple to make hooch wine for pennies on the dollar. Better yet, I control all the ingredients that go in it.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:42 | 4737079 Ludwig Von
Ludwig Von's picture

Westvleteren abt !

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:53 | 4737446 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

I'll drink to that!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:06 | 4737155 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture


Good thing I planted Barley this year!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:44 | 4737266 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Corn can also be malted to make beer. Or whisky.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:17 | 4737360 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Drink from a corn mash and then tell me that again! (not so tasty)


Nothing says self-reliance like making your own beer from seed to bottling.

It is the mark of civilization and requires all the relevant qualities thereof, both physical and artistic.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:48 | 4737428 Overfed
Overfed's picture

LOL. I didn't say it would make good beer. It would still need some hops, grains, and fizz to be anything like what we know as beer.

Someone growing, malting, and roasting their own barley or wheat and tehn making beer from it would be truly impressive.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:57 | 4736955 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:15 | 4737008 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

What kinds of an asshole downvotes men wanting beer?


All beer drinking men demand you explain yourself.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:33 | 4737057 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

A metrosexual daiquiri drinker.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:19 | 4737363 willwork4food
willwork4food's picture

...that really likes Justin Beiber.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 14:59 | 4736961 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

More bullshit. Beer tastes good in bad weather too.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:01 | 4736967 deflator
deflator's picture

 How we gonna build pyramids without beer?

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:05 | 4737152 booboo
booboo's picture

How we gonna fight wars on multiple fronts for allah, queermerica and General Electric without some barley pop and hookers.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:02 | 4736972 Bryan
Bryan's picture

Oh, now that's the last strawman!  I mean "straw, man!"

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:26 | 4736990 Mr. Delicious
Mr. Delicious's picture

The Chinese are becoming winos...  given the purported cork and upcoming grape shortage, higher inflation on beer relative to Vodka...  and Crokodil...

the only real story here is "the government at the beginning of May boosted beer excise duties by 43%, leading to price increases of 5% to 6% for Carlsberg products."

So the us/nato puppet regime raised taxes on beer.  Really, you fuckers?

May be a windfall given the market in molotov cocktails...

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:38 | 4737070 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Excellent comment, Mr. D. Welcome to fight club.

The Krokidil mention is especially interesting. Don't hear much about it, but it's some nasty shit. A truly zombie drug if there ever was one. Just can't wait until it shows up stateside in mass. Makes meth look like baby aspirin.

"Selfies" will become much more interesting, yet somehow slightly more honest, as what is inside makes its way to the outside with some very real and un intended results.
"Chive" will have to change its slogan to 'Krok Calm and Rot On.'....

Get ur Krok on, and as usual, the first one's free:

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:46 | 4737093 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Yup. Stay away from that Krokodil. Only use genuine DEA-approved and CIA-imported heroin and cocaine.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:21 | 4737204 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Better yet, "Ask your Doctor about (insert latest Pharma wonder drug here)".
Just like the teevee commercial says.
Meanwhile, I have to get a retina scan and be finger printed to buy NyQuil.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:33 | 4737244 Overfed
Overfed's picture

True dat. Most of all, one must not phuck with big pharma. They have serious clout.

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 04:56 | 4738914 TweedleDeeDooDah
TweedleDeeDooDah's picture

Krokodil is often made in laboratories, and quite pure when it is done right.
Of course, there are low-class people who make and buy bad stuff, but anyone with any money (Russian middle class kids and such) can easily buy near-pharmaceutical grade deso in any Russian city.

It's not something that will ever come to the US becasue it uses codeine as a starting material... easier and cheaper to just buy good ol' heroin... in the US, anyways.

While it is an opiate, and quite addictive, it certainly does NOT "make meth look like baby aspirin", unless you still believe the old 90s media telling us about people hemorraging blood from the eyes, nostrils, and skin pores after using methcathinone, or if you're still looking for that explosion of deformed insane "crack babies" from the 80s...

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:08 | 4736993 Zoomorph
Zoomorph's picture

Why is profit growth by a low single digit considered such a bad thing?

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 16:11 | 4737176 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Because if they're that bad at doctoring their books, they are, in reality, in 'negative growth' territory.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:39 | 4737021 fxchange
fxchange's picture

Yesterday I bought  (as I thought) Russian beer Tri Medvedya (Three bears). Later I read in tiny letters that it was made by Heineken.
In near future I  will try not to buy any german/american/ukranian/polish/japan   products.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:31 | 4737049 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

What about Barley production? If the biggest producers aka Russia and Ukraine somehow are producing less or are denied accsess to markets due to recent "events" , would that mean higher beer prices?

Make beer, not war.

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 04:44 | 4738906 TweedleDeeDooDah
TweedleDeeDooDah's picture

France and Germany routinely outproduce Russia and Ukraine every few years.
They use a lot of rice in their beers, too.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:31 | 4737054 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Ask Visa and Master Card what the costs are going to be.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:32 | 4737055 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Why spend money on beer when Rusdia's poor choice of drug, krokodil, is so much cheaper?

And you don't have to worry about that bloated feeling because it eats you alive.

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 04:37 | 4738897 TweedleDeeDooDah
TweedleDeeDooDah's picture

Middle-class Russian junkies buy old fashioned heroin... they also can buy extremely pure "krokodil", which is preferred by some.

We're talking the difference between crystal meth and bathtub crank.... of course, you are entitled to enjoy the scarey tales, tabloids, and sensationalist tv, if you choose to believe that sort of thing.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:40 | 4737076 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Vodka and Turnips for all my bitchez!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:44 | 4737088 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

You'd think people would drink more because of bad weather not less.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 15:56 | 4737128 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture


At least we have PLENTY OF BEER in the Good ol' U.S. of A.  We'll never have to worry about that as a problem even if it keeps going up in price!!!

While you're enjoying your beer tonight read this thoughtful review of someone who knows the man and can tell you that he's more about free markets than anyone we have in the U.S., Israel, or England for certain...


Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:11 | 4737339 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Which is why he did the Medvedev shenanigan to get a third term?

The indication is that he would game the system, rather than firmly support it.

You can't know what is in the man's heart.  You have to call it based on the evidence you see...

But you can be neither a KGB Colonel nor the leader of an oligarch-guild and maintain a pristine character.

It would be like expecting Michael Corleone to retain a pristine character while heading the family... it just isnt possible.

Though I will say that Russia has become a much nicer place in the decades of Putin's influence.

But normal people there still fear the police even when they are innocently going about their normal business.

Still... there is a lot of that going around these days.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:15 | 4737353 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Don't forget that "we" 'elected' the equivelent of a KGB colonel in the form of George HW Bush, who had been director of the CIA. Imagine what his true charcter is. People here fear the police, even when they are innocently going about their business. With 70000 SWAT raids per year in the US, tell me which country is a police state.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:29 | 4737379 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Well said indeed 'Ovefed'!

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:04 | 4737321 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture


This officially just got serious.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 17:30 | 4737383 CPL
CPL's picture

Game on.

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 18:02 | 4737473 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Well, no shortage of Blue Moon so I'm good. 

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:27 | 4737754 grunk
grunk's picture

They hate us for our Coors Light.

But, well, who wouldn't?

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 19:56 | 4737879 swass
swass's picture

Speaking of adult beverages, has anyone tried Nemiroff vodka?  Made in Ukraine, it is one of the best I have ever tasted.

Their birch and honey-pepper rocks. 

Wed, 05/07/2014 - 22:37 | 4738414 Volkodav
Volkodav's picture

That is good, better than most all

this is better:

Rodnik  Samara  If you can find it...

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 00:39 | 4738701 Aussiekiwi
Aussiekiwi's picture

DAMN IT! , something needs to be done when the situation is so serious in the Ukraine that Beer sales are getting affected!

Additional: When is the US going to declare a war on weather patterns, it seems to be disrupting profits all over the world with  its completely unpredictable appearances everywhere. Once upon a time there were seasons, winter was one of them and companies had CEO's who were intelligent enough to look at a calender and work out when that terrorist loving winter would turn up and plan for it, but no longer, so we must have a war on weather, well, winter anyhow, summer could be let of with a warning for the time being as long as it does not start affecting sales.

Thu, 05/08/2014 - 01:55 | 4738787 novictim
novictim's picture

ZH, Beer?  Putin is "blinking" and you talk of beer. LOL


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