Tuesday Humor: The First Economist

Tyler Durden's picture

No comment necessary.

h/t @went1955

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DaddyO's picture

Looks perfectly plausible to me...

DaddyO

Pool Shark's picture

 

 

An economist is a person who will tell you that if you sit on a block of ice, and set your hair on fire; 'on average' you should be comfortable...

 

ZerOhead's picture

Clearly the situation requires moar leverage...

 

Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Ooooh; well-played sir.

[golf clap]

 

flacon's picture

A drunk and an economist fall into a ditch.  The drunk says, "How do we get out of this?"  The Economist says, "It's easy.  First, we assume a ladder..."

flacon's picture

"One day a physicist, a biologist, and Ben Bernanke were sitting at a café across from an apparently empty building.

 

They watch two people enter and then, later, three leave.

 

The physicist says, "Apparently there was some error with our measurements," while the biologist says, "Obviously, they reproduced while in the building." 

 

 

Then the economist [Bernanke] observes, "If another person were to enter the building, it would once again be empty."

nope-1004's picture

Bernocchio and Mr. Yellens beards are (were) in tact.

 

flacon's picture

Why do economists carry their diplomas on their dashboards? 
So they can park in the intellectually handicapped parking.

Boris Alatovkrap's picture

Soviet era economist is create five year plan for production and facilitation of sustenance for population. Party secretary is very much pleasing and is approval of plan. Within first year, calculation is show too little production for too much people, so secretary is order Holodomor in southern republic. Now economic modeling is restore and everyone is happy joyous.

NotApplicable's picture

If only Kondratieff had such an easy time at it.

flacon's picture

Shout out to John Maynard Keynes:

"If you put two economists in a room, you get two opinions, unless one of them is Lord Keynes, in which case you get three opinions." ~ Winston Churchill  

0b1knob's picture

A faggot, a Muslim, a Kenyan and an idiot walk into a bar.

The bar tender says "What will you have, Mr. President?"

ZerOhead's picture

WARNING: Clicking an upvote to the above comment automatically sequences you on Tuesday mornings Presidential "Kill List"

Boris Alatovkrap's picture

USSA is land of opportunity and diversity, is elect first gay president, is elect first religious diverse president, and is even elect first foreign president. Maybe is some day elect first real black president.

TeamDepends's picture

>  Carter in black-face

>  Four maor years

chapaev's ghost's picture

A downvote gets you a genuine reproduction of a Soviet Army winter cap pin, autographed by Putin's autopen.

know-zilch's picture

To get 0 out of 4 tells me that your level of stupidity is tremendous! 

Liquid Courage's picture

Soviet Era "Consumer" A: Comrade, is this queue for buying of meat?

Soviet Era "Consumer" B: Nyet, Comrade, this is queue for shop that is out of eggs, queue for shop that is out of meat is other one.

free_lunch's picture

There is nothing wrong with their intellect, look at their lifestyles, they seem to be doing just fine, they also are spotted frequently golfing and socializing with the elite.. But that has nothing to do with their professional life, they always stay neutral and defend only what is good for the people!!

OK, sometimes they make a few honest mistakes and a few hundred billion end up with the ones who are already loaded. And most of the times their predictions are wrong, but hey, there are way to many unknown variables that can create a butterfly effect.. So even when theory is perfect, practise can turn out different..

flacon's picture

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, a practical economist, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

MisterMousePotato's picture

I didn't know any economist jokes. Who *are* these people who know economist jokes?!?

(And I'm someone who knows an architect joke. Bet you don't know an architect joke.)

flacon's picture

I found one:

An architect, a philosopher, a biologist, and an economist were were arguing about what was God's real profession.

The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live."

"Ridiculous!" said the biologist "Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist."

"Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!"

"Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"

 

BrosephStiglitz's picture

I know plenty of economist jokes.. I am also an economist :/

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist are all applying for a job position.  One by one the interviewer calls each applicant into the room.
First the mathematician enters and the interviewer asks his question: 
"What is two plus two?" 
"Four", replies the mathematician.
"Are you certain?"
"Yes, it is, and will always be four."

Next the accountant enters the room:
"What is two plus two?"
"Four", proclaims the accountant.
"Are you sure?"
"Well, there may be some variability, but on average it will be four."
 
Finally the economist enters the room:
"What is two plus two?"
The economist pauses, shifting slightly in his seat, glances around the room and shuts the blinds before sitting back down.
He leans over to the interviewer and whispers:
"What would you like it to be?" 

(In all seriousness, there are some good economists.  Unfortunately they get buried under stacks of zealotry and diatribe that is plugged by the political elite.) 

zhandax's picture

Teach a parrot to say 'supply and demand' and you have created an economist.  When you get tired of the repetitive bullshit, shoot the parrot.

free_lunch's picture

So the waterlevel in your pool is dropping every day and you invite a team of pro's to come and check it and provide a solution. Then the pro's explain you their 'solution" one by one:

Number 1 proposes -Use 100 buckets to refill it every morning

Number 2 proposes -Use 50 buckets twice the size to refill it every morning

Number 3 proposes - Use 25 buckets in the morning, 15 at noon and 10 at dinnertime

Number 4 proposes - Use a hose to refill it every morning

Number 5 proposes - Wait untill it rains, then it will refill automatically

TheReplacement's picture

Can't do carpenter but can do accountant.

Q:  What does an accountant do about constipation? 

A:  He works it out with a pencil.

wee-weed up's picture

So easy even a Keynesian can do it.

Pairadimes's picture

When will it be our turn to decide who stands on the plank?

Mitzibitzi's picture

So Captain Barbossa is, in fact, an economist?

free_lunch's picture

Sure!

Economics are dead simple: If Joe wants a new roof made by John, John makes the roof and Joe writes him an IOU (worth of a new roof). So next time John want something done he knows Joe is good at, John can use this IOU to trade for Joe's work.

 

When it becomes ridiculous is when Joe can't write this IOU, but only James has the power to write IOU's. Now Joe has to lend an IOU (worth of a roof) from James who writes this IOU with his magic pen. So now Joe uses the IOU to pay John.

What happened?

Joe is in debt with James (who has done no work) equal to the worth of a roof + interest
John has a IOU equal to the worth of a roof.
Joe has to work for James to repay the IOU (worth one roof + interest)

 

So John has worked hard to provide Joe with a new roof, Joe is breaking his back doing work for James.

And James is best of, doing no work at all but getting Joe to work for him with a strike from his magical IOU pen.

 

One could say 2 slaves and one master were created, with the power of writing IOU's

Now James can control the economy of their little community, since only he can write IOU's. If he wants a economic boom, he will write IOU's easily without questioning. But if he wants to create a crisis, he refuses to write a single IOU, without these IOU's Joe and John can't trade, so all activity stops..

WMM II's picture

fun.

but utter and complete nonsense.

 

in the first instance, joe's iou is taken by john at 'face' value. no anything but that.

in the second instance, james 'gives' joe an iou but joe don't gots the same face value to give to james that joe gave john in the first instance. if he had he could have given that to james. all james would get were for penmanship, not the ability to magic wand an iou.

now, if joe's iou is worth shit in the first place, shame on both james and john...

:)

 

 

 

 

free_lunch's picture

Of course it is nonsense, in real life there are thousands of factors to get an economy up and running among huge ammounts of people who don't know each other.. So of course people can't write there own IOU's, nobody would accept them, because lack of trust, so money that is unversal accepted has to come from a central institution. Also in real life economy grows and so does population, so the ammount of mony has to be able to grow as well to make growth possible. But in this imaginary "3 man on an island community" the only limits are the limits of your imagination..

SAT 800's picture

You're a very dangerous man. and very entertaining.

effendi's picture

And statistically speaking the average person has one testicle and one ovary.

SAT 800's picture

I had to think about that one for a second. that's a good one; I'm going to steal it. It explains what's wrong with statistics as it's usually implemented.

the grateful unemployed's picture

doing the same over again, because it works is equally insane. nothing works all the time..

free_lunch's picture

Of course they mean well, but they just make 'mistakes' and are 'clueless', they don't mean to transfer wealth to the riches, but they are just clumsy.

Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Well, look at it from the economists point of view. You get to watch from the sidelines while your theories are implemented and debate with your colleagues over cocktails how things just need a bit of tweaking to work to the fullest. No mention is ever made of the poor individuals dead in the crevasse. They are inconsequential and just part of the experiment.

Miffed;-)

free_lunch's picture

It would be better for everyone if they limited their "experiments" to this machine..

 

First unveiled at the London School of Economics in 1949, the Phillips machine used hydraulics to model the workings of the British economy.

One early demonstration of the machine displayed the difficulties that can arise when monetary and fiscal policy are not synchronised. Phillips asked one of his students to be chancellor of the exchequer and control taxes and spending; the other to be governor of the Bank and control interest rates. Predictably, the policies were uncoordinated and the upshot was that water overflowed on to the floor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_-uGHWz_k0

Liquid Courage's picture

Economists are such pussies! "Oh dear, it appears I've got my stockings wet!"

Now if they want to presume to be "Economic Engineers", they should be put to the same test as Roman Aquaduct Engineers: when it comes time to remove the bracing from each and every arch they've built, the Engineer must stand under the arch. Great way to weed out the incompetent engineers, that.

Or, in the case of the cartoon, it's the fucking genius who designed the catapult who should test it out.

Good riddance, idiot. NEXT!

Mitzibitzi's picture

I heartily recommend 'Making Money' by Terry Pratchett, if one wishes to better understand this.

Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

~"doing the same over again, because it works is equally insane. nothing works all the time.."~

 

Horseshit. Does not the sun rise in the east?