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Don't Call Your GM Car A "Decapitating", "Kevorkianesque", "Rolling Sarcophagus", Or "You're Toast"
Instead of "defective", GM suggests its employees use the phrase "does not perform to design" according to just released documents in the GM recall probe. However, the internal presentation provides a glimpse into the internal thinking at GM as it suggests the following 69 words should not be used in a company memo... including "Hindenburg", "spontaneous combustion", and "Kevorkianesque."
The full 69 banned 'judgment' words...
always, annihilate, apocalyptic, asphyxiating, bad, Band-Aid, big time, brakes like an “X” car, cataclysmic, catastrophic, Challenger, chaotic, Cobain, condemns, Corvair-like, crippling, critical, dangerous, deathtrap, debilitating, decapitating, defect, defective, detonate, disemboweling, enfeebling, evil, eviscerated, explode, failed, flawed, genocide, ghastly, grenadelike, grisly, gruesome, Hindenburg, Hobbling, Horrific, impaling, inferno, Kevorkianesque, lacerating, life-threatening, maiming, malicious, mangling, maniacal, mutilating, never, potentially-disfiguring, powder keg, problem, rolling sarcophagus (tomb or coffin), safety, safety related, serious, spontaneous combustion, startling, suffocating, suicidal, terrifying, Titanic, unstable, widow-maker, words or phrases with a biblical connotation, you’re toast
and in case you needed a little more help... here are some more translations...
"Trust" them.. they're from the government...
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My GM is Keynesian
For those who haven't seen, enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6IZ2TroruU
1m44s in.
69? Who says .gov doesn't have a sense of humor?
1-800-fuck-yo
So the phrase "This car hurts like a dripping penis" is OK.
Glad of that....
Clap mobile is usually associated with the legacy GM brands of shaggin' wagon.
Good news, everyone! The following words are still A-OK:
assrape
barbeque
bloodbath
briquette
charred
conflagration
crematorial
doomwagon
emulsified passenger
incinerated
puree
sinister midget with a bucket and a mop
trailer park tornado-like
You left off my favorite, CAR-B-QUE . Mmmmmm car-b-que.
Kafkaesque.
As in the way the company has been run.
THEY ALSO LEFT OUT "ACHING ASS MUNCHING CUSTOM REAMER"
Sir, we have a self-pulverizing rectal-skewer/blender non-DESIGN condition that, eventually, self-disintegrates via long term oxidation and self-cools.
A little penicillin used to clear that right up.
What was your first car? What did you do with it?
Is there an equation: fun vs safety. How much does fun increase with speed?
How much does safety decrease with speed? How about roads vs fields?
Show me a graph. I know at least one of you has one.
cars safer then running or useing a horse, cart.
Im sure the inventive could come up with lots of charts.
78 Ford LTD. Would go like a bat out of hell depending on the hill. The take off speed was awesome, 0 to $20 bucks in under a minute.
43 ford wwii jeep. flathead 4 with the deepwater package. it had a railroad tie welded to the frame for the front bumper. would only go about 45 but if you yanked it off the road into a field of planted pine. it would just knock them completely down and never even slow down.
It was gov first effort at mandated healthcare, more of that to come. Be better off with a old corvair with a mpv player
At some point in 20-30 years, people will be using the verb "to Bernanke" something.
Example:
"Did you hear about the latest production line?"
"You mean the one Bob was working on?"
"Yeah. They had to recall 40% of last year's product."
"Damn, .gov really Bernanke'd that one."
It's all good. GM stock up over 1% today. What planet am I on again?
You are on Central Planning Planet. Everything is always fine, positive and better than expected. If something goes wrong, than it's because of the weather.
Of course the phrase "piece of shit" is OK.
Or maybe "like a Pinto"
They can use "Fukuppy" though?
They forgot to include lemon.
Unless its already included in the legacy banned list of automotivly blasphemous words never to be used.
And "POS" as well. That's applicable.
Forsale: V6 engineered shitbox, cash peddle works well with new flint-stone brake system. Rolls nicely on tight curves, helmets included. Clean engine, once. Fresh paint holding rust together. 300,000 kilometres on odometer, low mileage. Must be seen to be believed, ask for photos. OBO, 25k firm.
Hindenburg? Some of them must frequent ZH.
Schrodinger (looking into empty box): "Where's the fucking cat?"
Heisenberg: "How should I know?"
.
On the other hand the word 'Zerohedge' is not banned.
They ought to know by now that telling people not to use certain terms only inspires them to new heights of creativity.
There was a Telegraph story a few years ago about the employees of Disneyland Paris, who were ordered to stop referring to their place of employment as "Mauschwitz". Within hours this was duly replaced by "Duckau".
"does not perform to design" ....could be describing Obama as well
mrdenis "does not perform to design" ....could be describing Obama as well
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Oh contrar, it is by design. Those that don't see that are way late in the game.
Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
What if you are driving, or your grandma is, driving the car in question.
Does X get a modifier or is it still just X.
fuck yeah. My X gets a big fucking modifier. Who else is going to work to pay for this shit? old people, on the other hand... well, i figure theyve had a pretty good run just to make it to old...
oh, and its from fight club fag
GM needs a mascot. How about a flaming corpse lying on a highway? Corpseboy
GM: The Deadbeat of America
they could have hefty bags instead of air-bags for that messy cleanup. and automatic cross to pop out on the side of the highway, with flowers is optional.
I guess we're not too far away from another mass book burning and possible implementation of thought police.
Exactly. Downright Orwellian. Doublespeak in the flesh.
Mix in 2 lbs. of 1984, bake at Fahrenheit 451, cool on metal rack, then carve slices of our new reality. Doubleplusgood.
GM trucks, "Like a Crock (of shit)"
Everything the government touches it destroys.
GM was on the stretcher > government brought the paddles.
The U.S. is drowning in fiscal pollution.
GM' GEO - "Gee, OoHHHHHH, IT'S ON FIRE!!!!!"
I wonder why they stopped at 69. Hmmmmm, maybe the guys secretary was on his desk at the time.
John Oliver
In light of General Motors' recall of 11 million vehicles and recently-leaked public relations memo, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver made a new, honest ad for their cars.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6IZ2TroruU
Slavery underway.
There are some words in that list I didn't even know were used but they are very funny and I will now. "Disembowling", "grenadelike", "potentially-disfiguring" and from the headline "Kevorkianesque" and "rolling-sarcophagus". Thanks GM that is some funny shit.
.
Control the language and you control the mind. The body soon follows.
Peak anal retentive thinking on display...but necessary when you believe your employees are all idiots.
"Kevorkianesque.".........someone is fairly clever in GM's legal department....I can only imagine the emails going around as they built up this list of words not to use..."disemboweling"...."potentially disfiguring"...."grenade like".
It's Detroit, where Jack's name is still and always will be well known.
Instead of defective, how about "undocumented feature" ?
That would be "illegal."
I don't know what to think. Will somebody please tell me?
Report directly to your MSM thought outlet, citizen. They will tell you.
Just soooooooo fucking true.
Its fun to know I can call GM all those things and not be labeled a racist or misogynist... Or can I?
GM Reinvention Commercial
Retardation
"GM Confidential"
In movie theatres Friday, June 13th.
I gave it a quick scan.....didn't see SHITBOX in the list. Last decent auto's (cars or trucks) GM built were around 1972.
The Hummer line was pretty descent, so they had to get rid of it.
OR douchebucket, union made piece of excrement, UAWshite, Body by Barry, Oozemaster, VistaTruckster La Ca Ca...
UNIONS FUCKING BLOW...NOWADAYS.....THEY REALLY, REALLY BLOW
Getting in a GM vehicle = "Going 'wheels to Jesus'"
"brakes like an X car"
they had to dig deep for that one
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GM_X_platform_(1980)
I used to make money on those. Back in college I'd offer $75-100 for them, and drag them (with my f250) directly to the junkyard and get $150. Tuesday morning phone calls usually worked best.
Ah yes...including the Nova (No-va or "doesn't go" in Spanish) and the "Citation" because you deserved one for buying it.
I had a Citation. Tough car, never quit. No really the engine wouldn't shut off even after you killed the ignition and walked away - it would knock back on five minutes after you parked it. Actually a handy feature for robbing dairy marts and so forth.
I wasn't going to mention the ever-classic Cadillac Cimarron, but I will......
how about these 7 words?...
shit piss fuck cunt cocksucker motherfucker and tits
down arrow? c'mon - that's classic George Carlin
You upset someone's sensitive nature.....
Ah, George Carlin. I learned many things from you, but "cunt" is one of my favorites. Pelosi, Reno, Feinstein, Nuland, Condoleezza, Hilliary...
Scheiße
I still like my corvette
Comaros are bigger with stronger doors and frame. Same engine more
steel and structure. You pay 40k for 2 more engine bolts and 2 less seats.
But im sure its worth that for you.
Camaros are heavy trash plus you cant see out of the fucking thing.
Well as long as my truck doesn't start gaping, that'll be good.
Bring back the Fiero.
I drove a GT as a teen for a couple years. Never phased me that the engine was DIRECTLY BEHIND ME!
That design was the same as a gun that points backwards.
GM should use the word "interesting" in all its findings.
Mother and child burned, turned inside out and exploded.
"Interesting" .
To graphic a word: how about: " Pending"
No to legal.
How about. "copy" of, for, also to: all copy.
The "copy" shoulda woulda or coulda been but wasn't
No then contact me i charge 2million an hour should i charge you
for the first hour now or would you like to be charged for 20 later.
For the record, I despise Government Motors! I never intend to buy one of their vehicles ever again. GM could be the poster child of crony capitalism and corruption.
I contend that the massive growth in crony capitalism and corruption has a lot to do with growing inequality. Much of this can be attributed to the ability of those in control "changing the rules" and positioning themselves to benefit at every corner. In our busy and complex world we have found it impossible to watch all the moving parts. More on this subject in the article below.
http://brucewilds.blogspot.com/2014/05/how-empires-collapse.html
Bring back the Vega!
yay yay....and the No Va....
As a proven decapitator, give one to all bankers on Wall Street, that would fix a problem or two.
I designed a woman, but of the 3 billion plus on earth, I cannot find one that performs to my design.
Aww shoot my car is Barracked again. What a piece of Obama!
"Excuse me GM? My grenade-like car resulted in the disembowlment of a native Papua New Guinea tribe, which amounts to genocide. Can I get a free oil change?"
donor mobile? suicide ride? partial birth abortion? plastic penis? E ticket to eternity, exit machine, chevrolet casion, reject ride, and my all time favorite. . terminator truck!
Once the Yugo's left the market, GM got sloppy.
Gorge Carlin would work this list forever.
Gorge Carlin would work this list forever.
yeah, well, we need george carlin now more than we have ever needed anyone. and john wayne too.
maybe ally financial should put a life insurance policy payable to them in their finance agreement. been selling a lot of death and dismemberment riders on auto policies lately. sometimes the client ask if they really need it, if its a late model gm i tell them "definitely" in fact we should change that to family plan ii.
Flame grew to 100 mm...lol
I can just see the engineers at GM with a measuring tape up close trying to gauge exactly how flammable their cars are.
words or phrases with biblical connotations
LOL, can I use Koranic connotations? "That sucker will behead you as if you were an infidel"
George Carlin would've loved this one!! I can just hear him now. The seven words you can't say about GM!
http://money.cnn.com/2014/05/21/news/companies/gm-recall-nightmare/index...
General Motors has already recalled more cars and trucks in the U.S. this year than it has sold here in the five years since it filed for bankruptcy.
Gubmit Motors - working for you
Maybe they could dump their crappy cars in Romania - call them Vlad Dracule mobiles. Impaling is a no cost option.
Dont say fire, instead say there was a thermal event.
Self extinguished thermal event over 30 minuter period. (car burned down to the ground)
I wonder by which miracle they did not close yet.
Did they get some inspiration, reading Harry Potter?
Soon her head fell on a suicidal glass tank that was lying under the rolling sarcophagus: she opened it and found it a very corvair-like deathtrap, on which the words "Decapitating Me" were beautifully marked in Government Motors. "Well, I'll eat it," said Alice, "and if it makes me grow larger, I can eviscerate the Hindenberg; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can impale under the Challenger; so either way I'll get onto the highway, and I don't care which happens!"
She ate a little bit, and said evil to herself, "Which Titanic? Which Titanic?," holding her leg on the top of her torso to feel which way it was rolling, and she was quite disgusted to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and mangling for life to go on in the Kevorkianesque way.
So she set to work, and very soon finished off the widowmaker.