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Friday Humor: JP Morgan Has Finally Had Enough
Ever seen Jamie Dimon, wearing his presidential cufflinks, stretch, bend and break the truth in front of Congress? The guy, and by implication JPMorgan, is unflappable: there is nothing in this world that could dent his cool. And yet, we may have just uncovered the weakest link in JPMorgan's armor. The one thing in the world that would make JPM "blink" is...
h/t @Sellputs
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Consumer Inflation!!!!!
No wonder I never got informed about that. They sent it to Goldstein by mistake. Hey, Goldstein! Listen up, I got a deal for you!
Photo after lap dance.
Net worth is rising.
This guy is my hero.
which one, Jamie or JPM?
"blinks..." not turning (in his grave)?
commies R coming, they whip corpses, no?
Goldstein should change is name real soon.
LMAO
How do they know the photos were of Goldstein's genitals and not, say, Reggie Love or Jamie's? Huh?
...or Blythe's.
Balls!
Well, I think either Morley or Goldstein is being a dick. The problem is I can't tell which one. I mean, the check's still good, isn't it? ;)
(Oh sweet baby cheezus).
Cause, Tequila and operation mayhem. That's why.
For the record, this was never meant to get out.
or Michelle's?
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&u...
Classic
"The one thing in the world that would make JPM "blink" is..."...is a blank space on ZH...? Whatever secret you are trying to reveal doesn´t load. Or has been removed (?)
send in pictures of chicken hearts, crash JPM
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=chicken%20heart
Fonz....
I'm not quite sure about our relationship, anymore....
You can either buy an ounce of silver and hope JPM crumbles into it's own ashes or send them (several) pictures of your pulsating balls and clearly annoy them. The choice is yours.
But what about us?
you know I did not think you would run when things got rough. Go. Just go.
(call me)
Lol... Now I think I really did piss myself.
Just hold on, quit making fun of us. Fonz and me are trying to work through a very difficult moment here.
After all, Doc, how would you feel if a guy you'd only chatted with over the internet, and on ZH, no less, told the world, before he told you, about making chicken heart noises with his balls.
You feel slighted, too, no?
When will you be home for me to call tonight, Fonz
as far as I remember there was no noise. That would add a whole other layer to this. Hang on let me see...
See this is why I can't bring myself to leave the Hedge. If I did I would never get an edumacation about chicken hearts.
Just for the record, I warned Fonz a long time ago that this place would rot his brain.
Well, this place does pass out a lot of information that appeals to people with whom you cannot tell the difference before and after their brain rotted.
Keep shortin them treasuries.
what's the matter Colonel Sanders...CHICKEN?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fE0hHEtkkQA
y'all go for it.
I bought an ounce for everyone....something tells me the morgue didn't notice
WTF? I'm a bit worried about you Fonz.
Yeah well I am pissed at Mr. Lennon Hendix. That asshole has my silver cost basis around $35 when as I said above, I could have sent in a few pics of my balls, as this gentleman above clearly did, and gotten the reaction I was shooting for to beign with, less thousands of dollars and a minor stroke.
Come on Fonz, think like a broker. If you liked it at $35 you'll love it at $20.
Hold the boat...
What has Lennon Hendrix got to do with you making your nuts make gurgling sounds?
The article was titled "JPM has finally had enough"
All this time I thought we had to buy silver to crash them, thanks to Mr. Lennon Hendrix. I bought a lot of silver. This guy sent in a pic of his nuts. He got a better reaction than my buying of silver.
I feel your pain, but your silver we be worth at lot more than 35 one day. And pictures of this guys balls are like FRNs- there isn't really any limit on how's many he can print. Jamie should appreciate that.
try nickel next time.
I feel your pain, but your silver we be worth at lot more than 35 one day. And pictures of this guys balls are like FRNs- there isn't really any limit on how's many he can print.
That's true, you can photograph your testicles an infinite number of times, but it sounds like JPM will only accept five of them (maybe six if nicely displayed).
Whereas they can produce - and sell! - infinite quantities of photographs of silver, which in banker jargon are called 'futures'.
good crowd tonight
good vibe
sick bastards
All this time I thought we had to buy silver to crash them, ---" You're extremely stupid. there really isn't any cure for this.
knuks, dr., fonz..."the sound of gurgling nuts"??? you guys need to get out more on friday nights...
Mr. Hendix didn't make your silver cost basis $35; you did. Because you're an uneducated member of the public who knows nothing about markets. It's one hundred percent your fault. Congratulations.
You are the biggest fucking tool on this site and completely void of a sense of humor. Live with that truth.
Wow! You have to be the slowest dry ball member of the Hedge. How you got off the front porch is beyond me.
but, but... he got an 800 on his SAT... he's the smrtst guy in the room no?
You're just pissed because a) you have no balls to gurgle, and b) you bought all your silver at $49.50, and c) you can't think of anything clever to say.
So shut up already!
Indeed, that is way the fuck too far away form normal for any small deviation from normal.
I mean, did he already know about that, and if so how; or did he look it up as in go looking for things to do?
Disturbing.
I know because I went here, and back then it only cost 12k/yr.
http://www.apnewsarchive.com/1998/SUNY-Albany-Tops-Party-School-List/id-...
Oh man. I was way south, during the Hippy/National Guard wars, with hair down past my shoulders, a full beard, high waist-ed bells, tee that had old fashioned atom on it saying "Chemistry", pack of Camel straights rolled up in the sleeve (if you had filters, they'd be mooched away in a mo), cowboy boots and aviators. I have no idea how much it cost. I don't remember. But I did find an old W-2 for about $25 the other day that I earned tutoring jocks the nights before their finals. "You read the book" "No" "OK, lets, start here, conceptually, like, OK?" "What's conceptually?" "Um... like a concept...(lighting up)" "Hey, I want.." (interrupted)..."No, you gotta study" "You're not studying." (inhaling deeply) "Yeah, well...(exhaling) I don't have a uh test um tomorrow. Do I?" "What?" "Listen, uh... It's like you got a test tomorrow, and uh (Big Hit) I don't" (giggling) "I'll fucking flunk out!" "No you won't. You're first string varsity OT, nobody's gonna flunk you out." "No?" "I'm sure" "Really?" "Yeah... Like uh... (BigHit) what was your GPA the last few quarters?" "0.5" "(blessh, giggle) Uh... they don't go that low, man" "No?"
It's all me and Frank Zappa, man ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cepV5f2-MaU
Baby ....Snakes
roll your own next time phucker....
LOL
Exactly as realistic as the campaign to buy silver coins carried on here on Zero Hedge, to crash them. By the way, I told all of you this was the worst sort of nonsense; but of course, no one listened.
And we're still not listening to you, no matter how many times your handle tells us how often you pee every night.... sitzpinkler.
Take it from a lady, never ever go nut knuckle on the first date.
The one thing in the world that would make JPM "blink" is...
A Letter from the President stating you must start obeying the Law now or we will take away your License.
Hahahahaha.... The 'president' telling the Morgue what to do... Lolololoolololo
Fuck I think I just pissed myself I laughed so hard.
You seriously need a diaper, man.
yeah, Doc. That's twice in one article!
Here is your fruit basket...
Somehow I think if I sent pictures of my genitals to JPM, I would not receive such a polite note.
Works better if you've been circumcised.
I've yet to find a film format large enough.
Just sayin'...
They would just laugh at me...just saying.
DaddyO
Well, if you had a nose to match that may engender some respect.
Miffed;-)
OMG!
Miffed!
The other day some of us were having lunch after golf and there was a commercial on The Golf Channel for something or other... one of those new diseases which nobody ever heard about until this commercial.. and the guy was telling about everything that could go wrong from taking the stuff... sounded like a whole section out of the Book of Revelations, I mean who would even try taking some of this stuff things could get out of control like that ... and one of them was that one's sexual organs might grow in the wrong place*.
So I thought, "Knuks, what would you do if a great big penis grew out of your forehead?" And immediately, I knew the answer, thanks to ZH. I'd rub a little glue on it and sprinkle it with glitter and make like a unicorn!
small children and puppy dogs would probably love it which could be problematic, no?
Booyah!
*I think, it's been a long time since I've done any drugs, but every once in a while, I catch myself thinking kinda, well you know, innovative thoughts...
Hmmm, the best I can come up with is grasp your ears and pull hard. You may be able to reseat it to its proper location. If not, change your name to Dick and enjoy all the new found female attention( I really find it hard to ignore a saluting man). But, of course, I'm not a Dr and am not licensed to give out medical advise. ;-)
Miffed;-)
I hate to be rude on a family site like ZH, but if you hav a huge penis growing from your forehed you would simply be a dickhead.
i'd be happy to have a huge penis growing anywhere
now there's some serious head
Good gosh man, how old are you?
Bank employees were able to see a Jewish guy's dick in a photo? Strains credibility...
The pic must have been taken with a 20 megapixel professional camera and magnified a couple of times.
credulity, dude. strains CREDULITY.
(among other things....
Bob Dylan's 115th Dream
from john williams 2 years ago
http://vimeo.com/35540786
If everybody got drunk enough, we all could...
... sounds like a seemed like a good idea at the time, idea
Send a picture of your dick, crash JP Morgan? Someone call Max Keiser, it's time to rally the troops!
I think those pictures were meant for the SEC.
i sent them pictures of my big, hairy....
those aren't my genitals bitchez
Taint ass, taint puzzy.
...a law that reduces bank leverage ratios to 1:7 or less, with no loopholes...
Doesn't Jamie know that this guy is Blankfein's brother in law?
So it all boils down to professional courtesey.
Everyone should do this seriously.
do what? and why be serious about it? maybe if we did it in jest....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A5t5_O8hdA
coincidence? i had a dream about my balls this morning. "my balls are so big, they grew their own set of balls"
Ok, I'm not getting any pictures... just blank space. Me thinks I need to check my settings...
Me too. Just blank space. What is it I'm not seeing?
http://photos-g.ak.instagram.com/hphotos-ak-frc/914708_661839877204422_3...
I have no problem seeing it. Maybe you have a firewall or script disabled for instagram.com
Thanks for the link, assuming I didn't just pick up a virus or two. I half expected the date on the memo to be April 1.
If this happens on a somewhat regular basis with other customers, some enterprising employees could start a weekly pool as to which department gets the short or long end of the stick, so to speak...
I can see your link fine, but there isn't a picture showing under the article.
Thanks for the link, now it all makes sense.
I recommend photos of ones ass...so they can kiss it.
Hoo kneads inster-grahams anyhow.
Now they are being sued for zinc price manipulation. Friggin' zinc
http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/05/24/us-usa-zinc-lawsuit-idUSBREA4N...
Anything which is traded on an exchange is manipulated. And all this is possible because zero interest rates, fractional reserve banking and leverage can work wonders for those in the know and in control.
I believe the jewish word for family jewels is "Schmuck".
Hence in this case, "what a schmuck". Or is it his message to JP Morgan who pays no interest, telling JP that they have him by the "jewels"?
I clicked on the article and nothing was there. WTF!
The horrible thing about the 2 minute jew hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but that it was impossible to avoid joining in.
he fotos and faxes his circumcised microdick cos he fuckinwelljewcan
gold stein hate day.
do you know winston what the future is or could be?
a caterpillar boot stamping on a rothschild face forever
as for jp he killed the beautiful mind of tesla and deprived the world of endless energy possibilities.
we got stuck with a gatekeeping cunt called einstein
My name is Fabrizio and I have a problem.
Hey Jamie, wanna see my junk?
Shut those fuckers down!
#SendJamieYourJunk
Photos of his genitals are considered legal tender in most countries of the world.
He is, the World's Most Interesting Man.
those aren't his genitals, that's his mother in the background.
Read the text again. He's depositing his dick. Maybe its Goldmember...