Gartman Humor: "We Erred Once Again... "

Tyler Durden's picture


Arguably the best contrarian indicator in the market actually admits it this time. From Dennis Gartman's letter this morning:

We erred once again in heading to neutrality for the trend of this market remains upward and there is and has been and likely shall remain enormous levels of suspicion about the validity of the bull market to keep the market climbing the proverbial “Wall of Worry.” At least we’d the wisdom not to take the other side of the trade and become net bearish of equities as some of our friends have tried to do and have indeed done, making wonderfully elegant, perfectly logical arguments as to why the market is overbought and why it is ill and illogically priced. At least we’d the wisdom earned of damages done to ourselves in years past only to take the least detrimental position one can have, that of neutrality; 

However, this latest ramp may well be over:

... now we have to look to use any periods of weakness to cover in hedges put into place in order to get ourselves net long once again. The trend remains upward; we must always remind ourselves of that fact: “Old Turkey” of Reminiscences of a Stock Operator’s fame was right when he said that “After all, this is a bull market.”

That will be $29.95

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Fri, 05/23/2014 - 10:59 | 4788515 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Sell now.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:02 | 4788526 holmes
holmes's picture

Dennis Gartman: long of stupidity.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:06 | 4788552 outamyeffinway
outamyeffinway's picture

No one knows wtf is going on.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:37 | 4788698 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

I am surprised that this guy dont have a black eye or some welts on his head each week he shows his mug on CNBShit...i mean when that fucker goes outside, I am sure somebody out there on the streets must have been screwed by listening to his picks, no?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:46 | 4788749 saveandsound
saveandsound's picture

In case one expects persistent inflation and "rigged" low interest rates, I would suggest not to sell. Neither equity, nor gold, nor land, nor real estate.

I believe, what we see in asset prices might be the beginning of a desaster hausse. Anticipating currencies losing a LOT of purchasing power. Zerohedge isn't consistent in suggesting to sell equity and to buy gold at the same time while prognosting a currency crisis.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 12:40 | 4789006 Four chan
Four chan's picture

gartman should go long 50 units of stfu.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 13:01 | 4789057 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

How much for the daily newsletter Dennis, used to be only $400/yr... could make a fortune fading your "lower left to upper right" brilliance

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 13:06 | 4789073 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

More shocked that someone hasn't knocked Cramer into tomorrow land in the CNBS parking lot or wherever his joo kids play soccer

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:51 | 4788763 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

poor dennis; somebody needs to tell him the stock market is rigged.

how do i know it's rigged? EVERYBODY KNOWS the S&P500 will close at a record high today.

i'm a fook'n genius.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:06 | 4788553 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

does this bonesmoker even have a modicum of dignity........hehehehehe

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:07 | 4788556 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Does he some how get a cut of trading fees?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:07 | 4788558 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

Somebody get this dude a S&P chart....


Which way is it pointing?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:19 | 4788613 codecode
codecode's picture

Must be incredibly difficult for people to unsubscribe from his newletter... He should be out of business.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 12:02 | 4788798 t0mmyBerg
t0mmyBerg's picture

I'll tell you what.  I have been reading him for 15 years.  I have spoken to him in person.  He is just a trader who reads alot and forms opinions and sells himself on TV in order to make his family wealthy.  I do not have a problem with that.  Few who read him do so for his directional calls on stocks or anything else.  You read him for his bringing to you news you would not otherwise read about.  So while it is fun to poke at him when he makes a bad call, best not to get out of hand.  Especially as calling stocks is pretty difficult as any ZH reader should know.  Like ZH I have been bearish for a long time.  And wrong.   Last year was the first year in many i have not had a short position in equity indexes at all.  Good for me except that I was also not long in a year when the market went straight up, which was pretty predictable with freaking unbelievable unlimited QE on the table.  

A cursory examination of the chart of the S&P indicates exactly what Gartman is saying.  It is moving from the lower left to the upper right.  His rules say that when that is the case you are either really long, sort of long or flat.  What do your rules say?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 13:09 | 4789084 Drachma
Drachma's picture

Get physical.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 13:46 | 4789150 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

He has been consistently wrong for the past few years re: his short to medium term calls as has been very well documented here... if you need someone to "synopsize" world events from an arrogant, neo-con P.O.V. then he's your man!

PS "best not to get out of hand" wtf?? ... who died and made you the school marm/watchdog of this website?  

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 12:52 | 4789034 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

So wait, he's a commodities "guru" and also a stock market timer, and a precious metals genius, and he can tell you all about the winter wheat crop in Nebraska, and then tell you how to trade WTI, and soybeans, and then...your money is gone

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:01 | 4788520 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

BTFATH...  Chase that FATH...  Buy whatever's going up today.  Sell whatever's going down...

Follow that herd

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:02 | 4788523 Spungo
Spungo's picture

By neutral, I think he means get on the sidelines in cash. Sell everything. Don't add any new long positions, don't short anything. Just wait in cash until something happens. Never be in a hurry to lose your money.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:02 | 4788527 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Dear Client,

Whatever you do, do not buy the index. This is a basket of stocks that has continually risen in a stunningly methodical fashion for five years now. Definitely keep selling low and buying high as we have instructed.


Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:02 | 4788528 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Hard to believe people still pay this guy to write that shit.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:07 | 4788560 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

BOP I have a feeling he pays CNBC significantly more to get his stupid face put on TV than anyone pays him to wreck their retirement account. 

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:02 | 4788530 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

"Buy Twitter now - that's my best idea. It's a bird like an Old Turkey. So it will fly"   Gartman

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:15 | 4788585 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly"

(best line ever from WKRP in Cincinnati, after a problematic "turkey drop" into a shopping center)

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:28 | 4788658 Me.Grimlock
Me.Grimlock's picture

One of my favorite episodes, ever!

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:03 | 4788533 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

i don't know why you people can't get over that he is a TRADER not an investor.


he will be wrong on thsi call but he stays wrong for about 14 nanoseconds before hs tries to get back with trend.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:08 | 4788570 Redneck Hippy
Redneck Hippy's picture

If you actually tried to follow his advice, you will churn your money so bad, that you'll lose almost as much in commissions as in stock price.

He is actually neither a trader or an investor.  He makes his money writing nonsensical newsletters and filling up air time on CNBC.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:24 | 4788640 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

well, you just got two out of three wrong, what does that make you?


just wrong.  not a lifetime sentence though.  you get another chance this hour if you want it.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 12:58 | 4789048 Redneck Hippy
Redneck Hippy's picture

I stand by my statement (unlike Gartman, I won't change my opinion tomorrow).  But in any case, I charge nothing for all the wisdom I dispense on ZH.  Take it for what its worth.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 13:24 | 4789133 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

weed the wisdom, man. *Weed* the wisdom.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:05 | 4788544 Chippewa Partners
Chippewa Partners's picture

Newsletter writers are still in business? 

Maybe this time it's different?  Maybe the proverbial shit will never hit the fan?

Until it does.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:16 | 4788603 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Why would you expect newsletters to die? Some of them are interesting. They give useful information about certain trends. A lot of those companies looking for shale oil are worthless, but who is selling water to them? Who is selling shovels to them? Buy the company selling water.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:06 | 4788550 Laughinggrizzley
Laughinggrizzley's picture

How does this assclown still have any credibility? 

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:09 | 4788568 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

I keep asking myself this question about the Fed!

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:07 | 4788557 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

He will eventually gain the wisdom of staying completely off the market and become a burger flipper. Safer.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:07 | 4788563 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    What a fucking retard! I should charge Gartman for having to read his moronic reasoning.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:11 | 4788579 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture

REASONING??? Which section of thevdrivel was that???

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:10 | 4788577 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

This is not any ordinary kind of bullshit.


This is bullshit deluxe.


Thanks for spewing Cartman.  How's Kyle's mom?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:15 | 4788592 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:23 | 4788638 Me.Grimlock
Me.Grimlock's picture

Kyle mom's a bitch. She's a big fat bitch.

She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world.

She's a stupid bitch if there ever was a bitch.

She's a bitch to all the boys and girls!


On Monday she's a bitch. On Tuesday she's a bitch

On Wednesday through Saturday she's a bitch.

Then on Sunday just to be different she's a super king kamaya-maya bee-atch!


Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world she's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair she's a bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch she's a stupid bitch! Kyle's mom's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch!

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:13 | 4788580 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture



Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:11 | 4788582 Goggles Pisano
Goggles Pisano's picture

He should give Ron Insana a call and open a hedge fund together.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:15 | 4788597 ArmyofOne
ArmyofOne's picture

Gartman long on sail boats.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:16 | 4788598 potato
potato's picture

This guy is hilarious.

One day, he will (by accident) get a huge call right and be the next Paulson one-hit-wonder.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:16 | 4788600 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Either aware or unaware, he's part of the choreographed market...making money move from pocket to pocket

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:21 | 4788625 Me.Grimlock
Me.Grimlock's picture

Hypothetically, what happens when Gartman and Cramer take opposing ends of the same trade?

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:21 | 4788631 Gimp
Gimp's picture

Guy is classic...booked solid on CNBS and MSNBC for the next twelve months along with Mark Zandi. 

More tools in the tool box.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:24 | 4788639 Dr. Venkman
Dr. Venkman's picture

That's it. . .going short at precisely 11:29 am. Fuck it, drilling holes.

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:26 | 4788648 pound the vix
pound the vix's picture

That'll teach em

Fri, 05/23/2014 - 11:25 | 4788644 pound the vix
pound the vix's picture

They talk funny in South carolina...


Gartman is Long of Bullshit

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