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JPMorgan's Advice To College Students: "Saving Is Not Enough: You Need To Invest"
Now that the rigged market jig is up, and the aging Baby Boomers - those who had some stocks in their discretionary accounts to begin with - have turned to outright sellers of equities (and in fact are doing so "in droves" as reported last week), primary dealers and hedge funds - tired of tossing overvalued hot potatoes among themselves and with the Fed gradually phasing out its daily market goosing - are in desperate need of a new buyer. They may have just found their mark. According to JPMorgan's sage advise to wannabe students, "it is not enough to save for college anymore, you need to invest."
So if grandma and Joe Sixpack refuse to enter the rigged casino, the one remaining "investor" is clear: those that have a record $1.1 trillion in student debt already. Because at the end of the day, what is a few more trillion in government-funded loans - which will clearly never be repaid - to buy stock purchases at the all time highs?
Source: JPM, h/t @noalpha_allbeta
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Yes, we can:
Obama wants new world order 2014
See video here (speech from yesterday)
http://homment.com/obamawelt
It isn't so much that college tuition is going up, it is that the USD is going down...
Thank the inflation tax.
Sheep just live to be fleeced.
Isn't this just a segway so that students can borrow a little extra each semester to invest in the markets ... you know ... to offset the interest costs or maybe make a little dough on the side.
Student Loan Swaps (SLS); it's the new dervative!
Regards,
Cooter
For once gh0atrider agrees with JPM. Students need to invest in the P2P future and buy Bitcoin today!
Without churn and market paticipants, fleecing can't be done. "Invest" is code for "front run, skim, and tax" the sheep.
JPM ... It's so easy it's like taking candy from a baby.
...and hurry up before the house of cards comes down. I need to buy my island
...said the spider to the fly.
"Average returns". Love that phrase. Here's how it works:
Start: $100 investment
End of year 1: you lost 50% (bad year, unlucky timing- it's now worth only $50)
End of year 2: back up to $100, fully recouping your loss.
What's your "average" rate of return? Why 25%, of course!
Don't believe me? OK.....
-50% + 100% = +50%
+50% / 2 years = a +25% average annual rate of return. And yes, that's really how they calculate those "average" numbers.
Go ahead and lay that "average" investment return up against an 8% compounding increase in college tuition costs... you ain't gettin' there.
Buying Island? Yeah, Greece is selling, you should hurry before they call their auctions off ;-)
http://fr.scribd.com/doc/226024075/Greek-Asset-Sales
The local yewni received a record 33,000+ applications this year, up 5%.
Lots of sheep out there to be fleeced.
Following the advice of JPM in anything that has to do with freedom and liberation is nuts. The higher ed scam is collapsing, but new systems are evolving. Forget reform! It is impossible. Build a new system with oplerno.com. The pay for faculty is very good and the costs for students is low. The quality of classes is high. There are 100 courses to choose from and degree programs will be available in the next six months. If you want transfer your credits to another institution.
Don't play in a system that is broken and beyond reform. Build the new world you want to see. Accept nothing less that revolution!
Cooter,
Segue:
to make a transition from one thing to another smoothly and without interruption: "The conversation segued from travel anecdotes to food."
Segway: the thing you see fat mall cops riding these days.
Just FYI ;-)
Miffed;-)
Usually I am pretty good at proper spelling ... but completely missed this one ... duly noted!
Regards,
Cooter
Well, to be uber picky, you spelled it correctly but used the wrong spelling for the context. I myself am a horrible speller. One of the many reasons I lament the departure of Akak who kept me on my toes. It seems no one has yet taken on his spelling/grammatical duties here. I await the scourge from the one who eventually dons the badge. ;-)
Miffed;-)
Ben Bernanke when ask about direct monetization; "We would never do that."
Execute this fucker already.
+1
Euthanize
What are you like a liberal or something?
/sarc
Yea, I know......
Our Axis of Evil friend Iran seems to "get it" Capital Punishment: Iran Billionaire Executed Over $2.6B Bank Fraud
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/capital-punishment-iran-billionaire-executed-over-2-6b-bank-fraud-n114196
WTF are we waiting around like pussy's for? Do the lawyers too. get a volume discount.
Who the fuck would want to go to Yale (college), if they already weren't promised a job at JPM or like bankster org upon graduation??
These kids today, taking out $200,000 in loans to spend 5 years in the SEC, Pac 10 (16), Big 10 (16) or like "Universities" are stark raving crazy!!
I guess when you don't know what else to do and working at McDonalds doesn't seem fun, borrowing $200,000 makes perfect sense! But then, of course it does, their stupid fucking parents make $200,000 a year combined salaries in Ponzi Scheme Corporations and think they should borrow $900,000 for McMansions and Cars and Boats, and paying 55% total tax liability is "fair"????
Of course they will fucking borrow $200,000 to buy a piece of paper, that says they completed "Liberal Arts" courses and "general curriculum" work!!!
Nice job Fed, bankers and MBA types... You will own all of a third world nation you created.
no, college tuition is blowing through the roof as states stop funding their colleges,
and as administrators salaries go through roof, and as loans are lent out with abandon to students chasing up tuitions even more.
college tuition is not a financial instrument (yet) and thus cannot be traded as a forex derivative asset.
so nope.
It is not an "inflation tax." Taxes are robbery. Inflation of counterfeit is theft. Whomever receives the counterfeit first exchanges it for real products. They exchange nothing for something. At that moment, they are stealing the purchasing power from the entire pool of currency. The loss of purchasing power that becomes evident later was gained by the thief who stole it when he exchanged nothing for something.
Theft used to be a crime.
The tyranny of modern economics is very tricksy.
Long time no see my dear HH. Welcome back. It is you and our common core I kept hanging around and thus I `m inclined to come back for good or bad too.
Me little thing thinks students don`t invest enough :
as the soon to be rich they should at least erect dormitories for themselves and their buddies.
Kind of a initiation thing , spread wealth and the news thereof or quit.
And as to student loans : a free mind is never to be indebted to anything or anyone so either you EARN your degree or you are forever lost in slavery.
Please, the moneychangers/bankers are raping savers!!!
What the fuck is this? Besides, we have ZIRP, so money is free!!!
hey, they can borrow to invest... makes perfect sense, right?
My neighbor actually discussed that with me recently, how one can borrow vast sums of money at low interest, and then play the markets making even larger sums of money.
I asked what happens when the market turns against you.
I might as well have have walked out of a UFO that just landed in front of him when I asked that question.
Because its a ridiculous question. The market is clearly going straight up, the only way the market could go against him is if he is dumb enough to try and short it. Unless he is a member of the big banks or the FED he will have no idea when they are going to pull it.
Look at a monthly chart of the SPX.
we have had 4 "down" months in the past two years, or 83% of the time we go up every month.
when you take further into account that not a single one of those "down" months made lows lower than the previous month those are pretty good odds with basically zero risk.
Back that up with the fact the FED has stated many times they will keep equities going higher for the foreseeable future and its a no brainer. Tell him to mortgage the house and buy as many e-minis as he can get his hands on, its like free money already in the bank.
Once again the voice of sanity is alone in the wilderness, walled in on all sides by madness.
Here's your top of the market signal.
jpm making college students muppets.
You can't make this shit up.
There are no signals anymore ... we are waaaaay past the event horizon.
Regards,
Cooter
No worries.
Todays college students can't read graphs anyway.
Banking came into existance to allow people with money to generate more money by giving it out for useful purposes that helped the economy/community. Now it is just moving money between rich people to make them all richer while truely fucking the poor.
Notional values of derivatives in a straight upward trajectory as the printing press wails unchecked.
"insurable risk" is no longer a concept of guidance.
yeah, because college students have ALL the money. [/sarc]
No, but they have all the easy credit. Max out student loans and throw it all into Twitter. What could go wrong?
He is getting a New World Order, I just don't think it is the one that was planned.
Self learn bitchez. Fuck these clownz.
You got the library at your fingertips anyways. If you can't self teach you'll never be free anyways, it is part of being able to feed oneself for a lifetime.
Freedom is a state of mind first. Once you understand that, the remaining obstacles become quite obvious.
All you self educated assholes such as myself, why did we get off university : we were either to clever or too clever by half. Which half of us keeps talking around here remains to be seen.
Thats ok, I'll just wait for my EBT\Welfare package to come in the mail..
JPMorgan's Advice To College Students: "Saving Is Not Enough: You Need To Invest (but not in gold or silver)"
Destroying the future one person at a time. Well done, Wall Street, well done.
If it can't be bailed out...how can it be hedged?
"Only with gold."
Silver should work.
The irony of course "gold and silver are on sale right now."
Coal is darn near free actually. Just ask Mitch McConnell.
fucking great idea!
Not a very explicit chart. Is it 18 year rolling, or is it annual? Color me cynical, but who has averaged 12%?
JPMorgan, of course.
If you lose your shirt, just lie about it like JPMorgan. Just flash your Presidential cufflinks like our leader (maybe he can lend you one after you have lost your shirt):
According to Australia's Sydney Morning Herald, "a technical support person who worked for JP Morgan in Australia claims the bank regularly misled its New York parent and the US Federal Reserve by failing to report losing trades." (ZH)
grampa's got a twelve year old car with 330K on it he'll sell ya for $9K too. Such a nice guy.
Well, at least grandpa's car is still affordable, whereas that college education is now 1000x more expensive.
There is no bottom to the bottomless pit.
Mandatory college investment plans here we come... Shall we begin brainstorming acronyms???
SCREWED
School Capital REinvestment, Work and Education Deposits!!!
winning!^^
Financially Unprepared College Kids E-mini Depository
Fucking vultures!!!!!!!!!
So a college kid is suppose to take a private student loan from the big banks, then take some of that money and invest it back into the market hoping for a return. My goodness, I truly hope these kids do not believe this bullshit.
Full on Idiocracy, at least a banana republic has a viable economy.
Defined pension benefit plans replaced by 401k's
Same script, same crack, hook them younger.
The people just starting out in their work careers in the 80's are beaten down and broken now. In their 50's they now get crushed by "the new healthcare"
We are in a sad state of affairs as not only a country but world. Fucking vampires do not understand that eventually the food supply vanishes. Then they are only left to feed on their own. A lot of dribble that comes from the squids mouth does not shock me but this advice actually does. It smells of desperation.
I guarantee that they'll try to force it to happen.
Pretty easy -- add a sweetener sign-on "bonus" (paid with the kid's own money of course.) Invest and get a free* iPhone!
"it is not enough to save for college anymore, you need to invest."
"Well, when I get my mother fucking raise to $15/hour I will have plenty left to invest. Sociology degrees are expensive, yo!
"Because I'm a Tufts Jumbo and am richer than you..."
Fuck you Dimon!
lol
We at JP Morgue want you to be a indentured debt slave before you reach the age of 18...why not start investing with us the day after you come out of your mothers womb. That way, you will be conditioned the rest of your life to us fleecing your pockets.
What's the matter JPM? Run out of fucking widows and orphans? Interest income off the loans not enough for you?
"it is not enough to save for college anymore, you need to invest."
"it is not enough to just bend over anymore, you need to open your mouth, too."
FIFY
Perhaps JPM could insure those students who are deepest in debt, thereby benefitting from any resultant suicides.
Fresh revenue streams, and all that.
Go long nail gun makers?
I agree with JP for once, invest in bitcoin!!!!! And 3....2....1.... Here come all the bitcoin hating zerohedge trolls.... I'm ringing the dinner bell for you dumb bitcoin hating zombies
Zombies! They are real.
Zombies! They are real.
Every average person they can convince to go into the markets represents another trader who can be front run and skimmed with relentless application of their tricks of the trade. Insider trading is everyday practice. The vast computer servers and the top scientists who right to HFT programs need a whole host of average people to make the market big enough to allow vast skimming operations. Do students really think they will put their money into markets and ,after all is said, and done make good returns? Hardly.
The drumbeat to get into the markets goes on all day in the media. In some distant past, I might have said, "be in the markets". But today? You are just one of a sheep flock, and they will nickle and dime you to death.
nah Ill just leave me cash in ze bank where its safe. wait Iaint got no cash. can I securitise my SL debt? and make trillions?
i saved and invested today. it was in the form of a milky white tube with a green cap on it.
Jamie Fucking Dimon is No 1 on the list.
The following comment was scratched into the classroom wooden student desk that I sat at many decades ago: JESUS SAVES BUT MOSES INVESTS
JPM...GO FUCK YOURSELF
Enter the great pyramid, my little children.
You can sell the banks bubble but get
nothing on the proceeds from the entire
equity sold into it.
Your parents can save dutifully for a
lifetime from savings rates not reflecting
free reserves aimed at obviating bank
loss taking, and then you can see this.
http://theweek.com/article/index/221883/the-federal-reserves-breathtakin...
and see this privatization of policy too.
http://www.popsci.com/article/10-foot-sea-level-rise-now-unstoppable-due...
And on financial MSM they'll say not bailing
the banks would've meant double digit unemployment.
Ahem:
http://www.shadowstats.com/alternate_data/unemployment-charts
And the banks could've been broken up as
none other than Sandy Weill recommended.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=sanford+weill+break+up+the+big+banks
And all manner of alternative could've been/maybe
can still be pursued.
Break 'em up, isolate into a loser bank
the rightly losing paper, but with no
equity losers past the bank stakeholders
themselves.
This appeared on day one.
It's been "Article Free Pass" for a long
time and now simply plainly looks open access.
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB122265260912184329
I'm thinking Griffin Furlong
(Vale Dictorian--overcame mountainous
financial and other obstacles)
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2014/05/27/Homeless-First-Coast-High-School-...
would agree with me.
Common bro, it's a ponzi not a pyramid. There's a difference... Oh I see what you did there...
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." The booming voice, so much authority. Who would dare to oppose?
Then a strange thing happened. People began to see. Slowly at first, then more and more. When is the game really up in any con?
Add above the breathtaking bailout link
from Bloomberg Bloomberg Markets
Magazine, via The Week,
And all of this is to say the kids have
to invest (enter a casino economy transfered
onto them from the banks themselves) because
the dollar's investment value's been leveled
from the carrying of banks $trillions in dead
weight and the aftermath of that.
And
Lock-In's, Large Stranded
Supply, Still, From The
2008 Mortgage/Real Estate
Bust Itself
Susan Wachter, U. Of Pennsylvania,
By Way Of CNBC, 5/20/2014
http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000277295
Well, Not Being A Mind Reader,
I Can't Know If Prof. Wachter
Had -20- Million Homes In Mind
Zerohedge, 5/21/2014
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-05-20/greenspan-housing-bubble-lives-...
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2011-11-28/secret-fed-loans-undisclosed-to...
(doesn't reflect the full dynamic of
benchmarking to 0% instead of
not being centric to lifting the
values of and/or alternately
purchasing bank assets)
That's what happens when
first mortgage transferability's
ended because of one cheap money
bubble and then the banks and
government need people tied to
the returns arranged by the banks
for themselves in the next one.
The way transferability could
be useful is with a loan
retirement intermediary.
Essentially, a firm saying
we'll acquire it to retire it.
That's the equivalent of the
Fed buying mortgage paper not at
market prices to absorb the
loss or to retire it.
It's Simply The Case A
Population Of 20 Million
Locked-In Homes Is A
Major Economic Structural
Impediment.
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-05-20/greenspan-housing-bubble-lives-...
I guess if one ever was valedictorian they'd
autonomically type it that way even 15 minutes
before 1 am.
There was an article on Bloomberg a couple weeks ago explaining how my generation was traumatized by the 08 "crisis"!! Apparently we are completely risk averse now, possibly for life!!! Haha
Then the article went on to explain how an individual would have gained WETF percentage if they had bottom ticked in 09, compared to the minimal return (NOT ACTAUL LOSS if calculated correctly) the same amount of money would have earned in a savings account! Barf.
It gets worse, technically they are correct! Give or take a few percentage ticks, depending on your entry point, your "savings" will be better off in equities over the next 2-3 years then anywhere else. That's right folks America's reliance on Wall Street is only growing larger! They will dress her up and change her name, but she's still gonna be the durty money changing trollop that is required to keep the wheels rolling in good ol'usa. That is until the wheels fall RTF off...
This is not telling students to put their money in the markets. It is telling parents that when devising a long term college savings plan to buy equities and not CD's. Note the 18 year graph of returns. The article is exactly spot on.
Someone else has some sage advice even if he isn't speaking it...
http://investmentwatchblog.com/george-soros-tells-america-to-take-their-...
" . . you need to invest
. . . and you can trust us. We won't rape you like we've raped every single other person, corporation, trust, insurance company or bank that's ever come in contact with us. That was different."
That'll learn 'em.
JPM to Replace Commodities Fixing Unit with VOX
In a news release this morning JP Morgan announced the creation of Vital Organ Exchange (VOX). Fresh off exiting the commodities hoarding and fixing business, and in need of new revenue sources, the hundred year old distinguished firm once known for financing huge business deals will now serve their wealthy clientele with harvested hearts, lungs, livers and other vital organs.
We see a huge market for vital organs amongst our most wealthy government and business clients. The organs will be harvested from young healthy males and females that are not employed and have little hope of ever contributing meaningfully to Social Security, Medicare and other taxpayer funded projects. Alex Kunt, head of the new unit stated, "The current host of the organs has little to offer our society in the way of subsidizing our most wealthy and important citizens. If you are not going to work and support our tax base and the businesses this supports, you now have a way to add meaning to your life."
The program will be strictly voluntary. "If you like your organs, you get to keep your organs." Fines for non-participation will begin at $10,000 per year. If any eligible host does not have the funds, however, their vital organs can be donated and will wipe clean all penalties. "We wanted the program to be flexible", added Kunt.
Mr. Kunt met with President Obama and other distinguished members of Congress over the weekend to thank them for passing the legislation that made this possible. "We owe a great deal of gratitude to not only the President, but to Mr. Boehner and Mr. Reid as well. This dream would not have been realized but for the bi-partisan effort in Washington."
CNBS
well done
College kids! Take your student loan cash to Vegas, put it on RED.
There ya go.
JPM agents roaming the maternity wards of hospitals looking for new clients. Don't buy that baby a bond, buy them something from our "buy list of the week."
JPM nanotechnology is next. Selling investment services to sperm and eggs.
WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION
WE DON"T NEED NO THOUGHT CONTROL
NO DARK SARCASM IN THE CLASSROOM...
ALL IN ALL YOUR JUST ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL!!!
I see destruction and demise, corruption in disquise
from this fuckin' enterprise, now I'm sucked into your lies
Saving? Who the hell is dumb enough to save in this economy? Well, saving in fiat money anyway, saving in assets is OK.
invest in everything we are shorting Muppet!
What perfect timing! From today's NY Times:
Is College Worth It? Clearly, New Data Say
The pay gap between college graduates and everyone else is wider than ever, so for all the struggles that many face, a four-year degree has probably never been more valuable.
By DAVID LEONHARDT
For all the same reasons the banks
advise entering the casino economy
instead of saving the way their
grandparents did only to see their
income nest eggs ripped off, those
grandparents could raise a couple
kids in an owned home and put them
through college, but the kids in
the audience today, by this banker,
can't, unless they gamble, which will
only pay off for a portion of them.
Is there a way to invest in stocks with a SNAP card? JPM is slow with the ideas.
What the government should do in that case is to make it a law for everyone to invest in a government managed fund that does not lose value. They can use part of the revenue to offset any losses and also subsidize families that can't afford it.
"a government managed fund that does not lose value"
The S&P 500
"We must harvest the seedcorn to eat for one more day in the now."
When it comes to stealing from widows and orphans and students, bankers the likes of JPM and Lehman are standing in line.
JPM is suggesting nothing is safe now, so you need to trust us with your future.
It’s Lehman fraud all over again: you never want to watch the enabling puppet, the Congress, you want to watch who’s pulling the strings, the bankers.
In the past it was Lehman et alia that was ripping off widows and homeowners, today it’s JPM targeting students.
Remember the reverse mortgage that Lacy Eckhardt purchased in 1998 and after she died in December 2000, her children received the bill for the final loan payment demand of $765,112.13. Lucky for Lehman’s subsidiary, Financial Freedom Senior Funding, Lacy’s contract contained an equity sharing feature on the home she owned outright, designed to cut the lender 50% in equity sharing.
The loan terms also required Lacy to purchase an annuity that would not pay her a cent until 2012. Assuming she was still alive, the annuity would then begin paying $1816 per month in payments from the lender.
Eckhardt paid $40,453 up front for the annuity, but it carried no death benefit or cash surrender value. At the time she applied for the loan, Lacy was 69 and in chronically poor health with frequent hospitalization.
In a complaint filed in Westchester County, NY, Eckhardt’s estate claims that she was misled to apply for a mortgage with “unconscionably high” costs, without counseling or legal guidance. The complaint also alleges that she received an “artificially low appraisal,” which when combined with the appreciation sharing feature, allowed the lender to be “guaranteed a profit of at least $225,000 even if (Eckhardt) died the day after making the loan,” according to the complaint.
The appraisal arranged by the lender on the property valued it at $980,000. Two follow-up appraisals paid for by Eckhardt’s estate put the market value around $1,425,000 at the time of the loan.The estate sold the home in May 2001 for $2.2 million—more than double the reverse mortgage appraisal value. A local realty agent said that the $980,000 value placed on the home was so low “there would have been a buyers’ stampede” if it had been listed for sale.
JP MORGAN, yep, scumbags of the first order.
ANYONE who deals with big banks has more money than sense. Invest with JP MORGAN? Ummm...not with your FRNs.
The best investment is to master a trade.
I like those folks at structuredfinancelitigation.com as they sue the banksters.
Doesn't saving for college imply you're not a college student yet? Does this mean HS students need to get full time jobs and send it to JPM via wire transfer?
Hurry kids, invest your money in PALM - you'll be rich in no time!....
Put your college degrees up right next to a skilled trade and add the debt of a student loan. I bet the wage gap flipps on its back
Put your college degrees up right next to a skilled trade and add the debt of a student loan. I bet the wage gap flipps on its back
Will someone bail me out if JPM fucks up my investment? Come on, if all students get together they MUST be "too BIG to fail".
I hope one day that they drown in their own blood! JP Morgan Scum.
Normal people could infer that JP Morgan is committing Extortion.
Extortion is the crime of obtaining money or some other thing of value by the abuse of one's office or authority, or oppressive or illegal exaction, as of excessive price or interest: the extortions of usurers.
Quick Translation:
WE WANT IT ALL THEN YOU DIE!