JPMorgan's Advice To College Students: "Saving Is Not Enough: You Need To Invest"

Tyler Durden's picture

Now that the rigged market jig is up, and the aging Baby Boomers - those who had some stocks in their discretionary accounts to begin with - have turned to outright sellers of equities (and in fact are doing so "in droves" as reported last week), primary dealers and hedge funds - tired of tossing overvalued hot potatoes among themselves and with the Fed gradually phasing out its daily market goosing - are in desperate need of a new buyer. They may have just found their mark. According to JPMorgan's sage advise to wannabe students, "it is not enough to save for college anymore, you need to invest."

So if grandma and Joe Sixpack refuse to enter the rigged casino, the one remaining "investor" is clear: those that have a record $1.1 trillion in student debt already. Because at the end of the day, what is a few more trillion in government-funded loans - which will clearly never be repaid - to buy stock purchases at the all time highs?

Source: JPM, h/t @noalpha_allbeta

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observer007's picture

Yes, we can:

Obama wants new world order 2014


See video here (speech from yesterday)

hedgeless_horseman's picture



It isn't so much that college tuition is going up, it is that the USD is going down...

Thank the inflation tax.

The third option is for the Federal Reserve to create credit to pay the bills Congress runs up. Nobody objects, and most Members hope that deficits don't really matter if the Fed accommodates Congress by creating more money. Besides, interest payments to the Fed are lower than they would be if funds were borrowed from the public, and payments can be delayed indefinitely merely by creating more credit out of thin air to buy U.S. treasuries. No need to soak the rich. A good deal, it seems, for everyone. But is it?


The “tax” is paid when prices rise as the result of a depreciating dollar. Savers and those living on fixed or low incomes are hardest hit as the cost of living rises. Low- and middle-incomes families suffer the most as they struggle to make ends meet while wealth is literally transferred from the middle class to the wealthy. Government officials stick to their claim that no significant inflation exists, even as certain necessary costs are skyrocketing and incomes are stagnating.

i-dog's picture

Sheep just live to be fleeced.

CrazyCooter's picture

Isn't this just a segway so that students can borrow a little extra each semester to invest in the markets ... you know ... to offset the interest costs or maybe make a little dough on the side.

Student Loan Swaps (SLS); it's the new dervative!



gh0atrider's picture

For once gh0atrider agrees with JPM.  Students need to invest in the P2P future and buy Bitcoin today!

nope-1004's picture

Without churn and market paticipants, fleecing can't be done.  "Invest" is code for "front run, skim, and tax" the sheep.


metastar's picture

JPM ... It's so easy it's like taking candy from a baby.

Doña K's picture

...and hurry up before the house of cards comes down. I need to buy my island

Four chan's picture

...said the spider to the fly.

NoDebt's picture

"Average returns".  Love that phrase.  Here's how it works:

Start: $100 investment

End of year 1: you lost 50% (bad year, unlucky timing- it's now worth only $50)

End of year 2: back up to $100, fully recouping your loss.

What's your "average" rate of return?  Why 25%, of course!

Don't believe me?  OK.....

-50% + 100% = +50%

+50% / 2 years = a +25% average annual rate of return.  And yes, that's really how they calculate those "average" numbers.

Go ahead and lay that "average" investment return up against an 8% compounding increase in college tuition costs... you ain't gettin' there.

cooky puss's picture

Buying Island? Yeah, Greece is selling, you should hurry before they call their auctions off ;-) 

Anusocracy's picture

The local yewni received a record 33,000+ applications this year, up 5%.

Lots of sheep out there to be fleeced.

libertus's picture

Following the advice of JPM in anything that has to do with freedom and liberation is nuts. The higher ed scam is collapsing, but new systems are evolving. Forget reform! It is impossible. Build a new system with The pay for faculty is very good and the costs for students is low. The quality of classes is high. There are 100 courses to choose from and degree programs will be available in the next six months. If you want transfer your credits to another institution. 

Don't play in a system that is broken and beyond reform. Build the new world you want to see. Accept nothing less that revolution!

Miffed Microbiologist's picture


to make a transition from one thing to another smoothly and without interruption: "The conversation segued from travel anecdotes to food."

Segway: the thing you see fat mall cops riding these days.

Just FYI ;-)


CrazyCooter's picture

Usually I am pretty good at proper spelling ... but completely missed this one ... duly noted!



Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Well, to be uber picky, you spelled it correctly but used the wrong spelling for the context. I myself am a horrible speller. One of the many reasons I lament the departure of Akak who kept me on my toes. It seems no one has yet taken on his spelling/grammatical duties here. I await the scourge from the one who eventually dons the badge. ;-)


LawsofPhysics's picture

Ben Bernanke when ask about direct monetization;  "We would never do that."

Execute this fucker already.

The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

What are you like a liberal or something?


JRobby's picture

Yea, I know......

Our Axis of Evil friend Iran seems to "get it"  Capital Punishment: Iran Billionaire Executed Over $2.6B Bank Fraud

WTF are we waiting around like pussy's for?  Do the lawyers too. get a volume discount.


Renewable Life's picture

Who the fuck would want to go to Yale (college), if they already weren't promised a job at JPM or like bankster org upon graduation??

These kids today, taking out $200,000 in loans to spend 5 years in the SEC, Pac 10 (16), Big 10 (16) or like "Universities" are stark raving crazy!!

I guess when you don't know what else to do and working at McDonalds doesn't seem fun, borrowing $200,000 makes perfect sense! But then, of course it does, their stupid fucking parents make $200,000 a year combined salaries in Ponzi Scheme Corporations and think they should borrow $900,000 for McMansions and Cars and Boats, and paying 55% total tax liability is "fair"????

Of course they will fucking borrow $200,000 to buy a piece of paper, that says they completed "Liberal Arts" courses and "general curriculum" work!!!

pelican's picture

Nice job Fed, bankers and MBA types... You will own all of a third world nation you created.

teslaberry's picture

no, college tuition is blowing through the roof as states stop funding their colleges, 

and as administrators salaries go through roof, and as loans are lent out with abandon to students chasing up tuitions even more. 


college tuition is not a financial instrument (yet) and thus cannot be traded as a forex derivative asset. 


so nope. 


OC Sure's picture



It is not an "inflation tax." Taxes are robbery. Inflation of counterfeit is theft. Whomever receives the counterfeit first exchanges it for real products. They exchange nothing for something. At that moment, they are stealing the purchasing power from the entire pool of currency. The loss of purchasing power that becomes evident later was gained by the thief who stole it when he exchanged nothing for something.

Theft used to be a crime.

The tyranny of modern economics is very tricksy.

TheGardener's picture

Long time no see my dear HH. Welcome back. It is you and our common core I kept hanging around and thus I `m inclined to come back for good or bad too.

Me little thing thinks students don`t invest enough :
as the soon to be rich they should at least erect dormitories for themselves and their buddies.

Kind of a initiation thing , spread wealth and the news thereof or quit.

And as to student loans : a free mind is never to be indebted to anything or anyone so either you EARN your degree or you are forever lost in slavery.

LawsofPhysics's picture

Please, the moneychangers/bankers are raping savers!!!

What the fuck is this?  Besides, we have ZIRP, so money is free!!!


john39's picture

hey, they can borrow to invest...  makes perfect sense, right?

Uber Vandal's picture

My neighbor actually discussed that with me recently, how one can borrow vast sums of money at low interest, and then play the markets making even larger sums of money.

I asked what happens when the market turns against you.

I might as well have have walked out of a UFO that just landed in front of him when I asked that question.

TheRideNeverEnds's picture

Because its a ridiculous question.  The market is clearly going straight up, the only way the market could go against him is if he is dumb enough to try and short it.  Unless he is a member of the big banks or the FED he will have no idea when they are going to pull it.   


Look at a monthly chart of the SPX.


we have had 4 "down" months in the past two years, or 83% of the time we go up every month.


when you take further into account that not a single one of those "down" months made lows lower than the previous month those are pretty good odds with basically zero risk.  


Back that up with the fact the FED has stated many times they will keep equities going higher for the foreseeable future and its a no brainer.  Tell him to mortgage the house and buy as many e-minis as he can get his hands on, its like free money already in the bank.  

JRobby's picture

Once again the voice of sanity is alone in the wilderness, walled in on all sides by madness.

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Here's your top of the market signal.

jpm making college students muppets.

You can't make this shit up.

CrazyCooter's picture

There are no signals anymore ... we are waaaaay past the event horizon.



Hippocratic Oaf's picture

No worries.

Todays college students can't read graphs anyway.

DetectiveStern's picture

Banking came into existance to allow people with money to generate more money by giving it out for useful purposes that helped the economy/community. Now it is just moving money between rich people to make them all richer while truely fucking the poor.

JRobby's picture

Notional values of derivatives in a straight upward trajectory as the printing press wails unchecked.

"insurable risk" is no longer a concept of guidance.


buzzsaw99's picture

yeah, because college students have ALL the money. [/sarc]

813kml's picture

No, but they have all the easy credit.  Max out student loans and throw it all into Twitter.  What could go wrong?

slightlyskeptical's picture

He is getting a New World Order, I just don't think it is the one that was planned.

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Self learn bitchez. Fuck these clownz.

You got the library at your fingertips anyways. If you can't self teach you'll never be free anyways, it is part of being able to feed oneself for a lifetime.

PeeramidIdeologies's picture

Freedom is a state of mind first. Once you understand that, the remaining obstacles become quite obvious.

TheGardener's picture

All you self educated assholes such as myself, why did we get off university : we were either to clever or too clever by half. Which half of us keeps talking around here remains to be seen.

1stepcloser's picture

Thats ok, I'll just wait for my EBT\Welfare package to come in the mail..

firstdivision's picture

JPMorgan's Advice To College Students: "Saving Is Not Enough: You Need To Invest (but not in gold or silver)"

FieldingMellish's picture

Destroying the future one person at a time. Well done, Wall Street, well done.

disabledvet's picture

If it can't be bailed can it be hedged?

"Only with gold."
Silver should work.

The irony of course "gold and silver are on sale right now."

Coal is darn near free actually. Just ask Mitch McConnell.

timmeh's picture

fucking great idea!

ultraticum's picture

Not a very explicit chart.  Is it 18 year rolling, or is it annual?  Color me cynical, but who has averaged 12%?