Today's Gartman Humor Is In A "Self-Embarrassing" Class Of Its Own

Tyler Durden's picture

Surely humor like this (if not so much its accompanying forecasts on copper, China, the S&P, bonds, or anything else for that matter) is worth the $29.95 monthly subscription price alone. From today's "world-renowned" Gartman newsletter.

... we recall that last month the ADP reported that the US “created” 220,000 new jobs in April. This month, those who try to forecast the ADP report have it at +210,000. We’ve far too many ways to embarrass ourselves to put forth a forecast on today’s ADP report, so we shall simply await its release, but if we have to argue even slightly with the consensus we shall argue that the consensus is low and that there shall be more jobs created than the 210K guess-timate that is the consensus at the moment. Help-wanted signs are appearing in store fronts at a pace we’ve not seen in a very long while. The nation’s ports are busy; auto sales are high and rising; houses are being bought; airplanes are packed gunwale-to-gunwale and the nation’s cab drivers are busy and talkative. +230 thousand would not surprise us at all.

So would 179K, or the second lowest print since June 2013, surprise us ? That said, add one more to the ways with which we can "embarrass ourselves."

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PlusTic's picture

this is the world we have allowed ourselves to accept...where a fukkin clueless carnie gets to be considered newsworthy...we are fukked, really fukked as a civilization!

synergize's picture

Gartman is a momo trader that regurgitates the current trend to sell his newsletter - wont see the guy out on a ledge.  if its up then he touts it, and if its down he doesnt - check out a chart and you can save yourself $29.95...

sodbuster's picture

I'm jealous of Gartman- I wish I had so little self respect and was so brash, as to offer my opinions and thoughts- no matter how incorrect and bizarre.........for $29.95!!!

power steering's picture

Is he still consulting with that chimp?

Pool Shark's picture



Whenever Gartman makes a 'prediction' on CNBS, they should immediately follow it with this:


Stuck on Zero's picture

The adjusted numbers will be coming out very soon ... and you guessed it ...  210K!


Firing Pin's picture

Don't humiliate him until he leaves; we all need a rock-solid contrarian indicator. The dude's money. 

NoDebt's picture

Agreed, he's a worth successor to Tom Stolper's crown for the most wrong person ever.

asking4it2k's picture

Peter Schiff is  way better than Gartman

Australian Economist's picture

The problem with Schiff he is usually 5-10 years too early.

Stoploss's picture

For fuck sakes stay away from framing nailers.

tradebot's picture

Who does he carry water for

youngman's picture

We are not going to say anything....BUT.......

B.J. Worthy's picture

AKA the Lois Lerner Rejoinder.

Its Only Rock N Roll's picture

Don't sell yourself short Dennis, you're a tremendous slouch.

Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Mr T: " SHUT UP FOOL"  Mkts are fixed. 

Dr. Engali's picture

Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public who will pay $29.95 for this idiot's 'newsletter'. 

BeetleBailey's picture

Fartman.....what a cunt.

all that needs to be said....

101 years and counting's picture

i need this stupid fuck to give the all clear signal to buy stawks so i can finally go all in short.

semperfi's picture

The consensus is that you sir (Gartman) are an embarrassment to the human race, a festering pock mark on the face of humanity.  Crawl back into your hole and just go away forever.

ejmoosa's picture

The fact that these assholes actually believe these "estimates" they give us, until the truth bitch slaps them is the real story.

Are tthey this incompetent in al they do?



asking4it2k's picture

So Peter Schiff was right, AGAIN !!

Al Huxley's picture

Lucky for him none of it matters - as long as every newsletter ends with 'in conclusion, now is a good time to buy stocks' his subscribers will be happy.

gdiamond22's picture

"We are long the crude oil hedged with a trillion units of Zimbabwae dollar as well as long a straddle of we suck at life"



redbird's picture

Anyone know the symbol for the Gartman Inverse ETF ?


Yen Cross's picture

    Gartman: " We're long fudgesicles in Mexican peso terms."

orangegeek's picture

another bloviating pile of goo

GFORCE's picture

There should be 'help wanted' signs all over his trading unit.

JJdog's picture

Dennis the clown losing my Gartman? lol No wonder CNBC is losing viewers, when they constantly have clueless tard on talking BS.

codecode's picture

Continue to be amazed by people who do not have a clue what's going on in the world... They're certainly not going to hear it from their local News. Our local news has doubled up on weather forecasters - most likely the only thing most people care about.

Chippewa Partners's picture

I don't recall ever meeting anyone who paid Gartman for his newsletter but if one were a freshly minted stockbroker that might be the finest prospecting list one could work.   Talk about dummies! 

Herdee's picture

Well,everybody so far has been dead wrong about the bond market and interest rates.Nobody wants to believe old Bernanke but he already has given his guidance.What's so hard?The U.S. is another basket case and the only thing Bernanke did was to copy Japans' model.He took the easy way out and helped all the banksters on Wall Street that have the biggest interests in controlling the White House,not the average American who has to work and pay bills to the same fiat controlled crooks.Gartman has some good funds and I'm invested for the long haul in the widow-maker trade (look at his gold trade funds),some are long gold in YEN and EUR.He knows the dangers that exist,that's why he's got those types of funds. Other than that,I just consider him to be another trader with his own opinions.

kellycriterion's picture

As many as %5 of the people in OPM bizzes actually have talent. That doesn't mean employing that talent is optimal strategy for themselves and associates at all times in all situations.

The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

Too funny....


...and I have no idea what fucking planet this man is living on....

NotAMathWhiz's picture

Holy shit, I went to bed last night and the US was a mess, I wake up this morning and everything's fixed!


Cacete de Ouro's picture

Can I get this guy Gartman's shit for free, like a free trial, with no credit card details?

Cacete de Ouro's picture

Can I get this guy Gartman's shit for free, like a free trial, with no credit card details?

Turdy Brown's picture

"Help-wanted signs are appearing in store fronts at a pace we’ve not seen in a very long while"

Really???  This guy has to be smoking some real dirty crack.  I mean, what kind of person makes a statement like this?  Really?

I wish that this ass clown would jump off the top of a very high building!!  The guy just has no shame!

MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Somewhere on Youtube is a video of a monkey digging a finger into his own asshole, sniffing it and falling out of a tree a microsecond later.
Gartman is the human version of this.

PiratePiggy's picture

"It's always nice to be Sean."   - Dennis Gartman on Fast Money