Today's Gartman Humor Is In A "Self-Embarrassing" Class Of Its Own

Tyler Durden's picture


Surely humor like this (if not so much its accompanying forecasts on copper, China, the S&P, bonds, or anything else for that matter) is worth the $29.95 monthly subscription price alone. From today's "world-renowned" Gartman newsletter.

... we recall that last month the ADP reported that the US “created” 220,000 new jobs in April. This month, those who try to forecast the ADP report have it at +210,000. We’ve far too many ways to embarrass ourselves to put forth a forecast on today’s ADP report, so we shall simply await its release, but if we have to argue even slightly with the consensus we shall argue that the consensus is low and that there shall be more jobs created than the 210K guess-timate that is the consensus at the moment. Help-wanted signs are appearing in store fronts at a pace we’ve not seen in a very long while. The nation’s ports are busy; auto sales are high and rising; houses are being bought; airplanes are packed gunwale-to-gunwale and the nation’s cab drivers are busy and talkative. +230 thousand would not surprise us at all.

So would 179K, or the second lowest print since June 2013, surprise us ? That said, add one more to the ways with which we can "embarrass ourselves."

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Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:55 | 4822946 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

this is the world we have allowed ourselves to accept...where a fukkin clueless carnie gets to be considered newsworthy...we are fukked, really fukked as a civilization!

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:58 | 4822973 synergize
synergize's picture

Gartman is a momo trader that regurgitates the current trend to sell his newsletter - wont see the guy out on a ledge.  if its up then he touts it, and if its down he doesnt - check out a chart and you can save yourself $29.95...

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:12 | 4823043 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

I'm jealous of Gartman- I wish I had so little self respect and was so brash, as to offer my opinions and thoughts- no matter how incorrect and bizarre.........for $29.95!!!

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:33 | 4823111 power steering
power steering's picture

Is he still consulting with that chimp?

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:07 | 4823228 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



Whenever Gartman makes a 'prediction' on CNBS, they should immediately follow it with this:


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:31 | 4823105 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

The adjusted numbers will be coming out very soon ... and you guessed it ...  210K!


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:53 | 4822952 Firing Pin
Firing Pin's picture

Don't humiliate him until he leaves; we all need a rock-solid contrarian indicator. The dude's money. 

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:03 | 4823007 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Agreed, he's a worth successor to Tom Stolper's crown for the most wrong person ever.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:06 | 4823019 asking4it2k
asking4it2k's picture

Peter Schiff is  way better than Gartman

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 14:13 | 4823922 Australian Economist
Australian Economist's picture

The problem with Schiff he is usually 5-10 years too early.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:53 | 4822953 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

For fuck sakes stay away from framing nailers.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:55 | 4822959 tradebot
tradebot's picture

Who does he carry water for

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:55 | 4822963 youngman
youngman's picture

We are not going to say anything....BUT.......

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:12 | 4823249 B.J. Worthy
B.J. Worthy's picture

AKA the Lois Lerner Rejoinder.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:55 | 4822964 Its Only Rock N Roll
Its Only Rock N Roll's picture

Don't sell yourself short Dennis, you're a tremendous slouch.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:56 | 4822971 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

Mr T: " SHUT UP FOOL"  Mkts are fixed. 

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:57 | 4822972 Aknownymouse
Aknownymouse's picture


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 09:59 | 4822983 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public who will pay $29.95 for this idiot's 'newsletter'. 

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:00 | 4822984 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Fartman.....what a cunt.

all that needs to be said....

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:01 | 4822988 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Never mind

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:01 | 4822992 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

i need this stupid fuck to give the all clear signal to buy stawks so i can finally go all in short.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:03 | 4823003 semperfi
semperfi's picture

The consensus is that you sir (Gartman) are an embarrassment to the human race, a festering pock mark on the face of humanity.  Crawl back into your hole and just go away forever.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:03 | 4823004 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

The fact that these assholes actually believe these "estimates" they give us, until the truth bitch slaps them is the real story.

Are tthey this incompetent in al they do?



Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:03 | 4823006 Rodders75
Rodders75's picture

"Us", "We"

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:05 | 4823018 asking4it2k
asking4it2k's picture

So Peter Schiff was right, AGAIN !!

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:07 | 4823024 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Lucky for him none of it matters - as long as every newsletter ends with 'in conclusion, now is a good time to buy stocks' his subscribers will be happy.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:12 | 4823041 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

"We are long the crude oil hedged with a trillion units of Zimbabwae dollar as well as long a straddle of we suck at life"



Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:18 | 4823058 redbird
redbird's picture

Anyone know the symbol for the Gartman Inverse ETF ?


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:20 | 4823070 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

ASS <equity> go

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:35 | 4823119 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:24 | 4823087 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Gartman: " We're long fudgesicles in Mexican peso terms."

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:45 | 4823153 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

another bloviating pile of goo

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 10:52 | 4823169 GFORCE
GFORCE's picture

There should be 'help wanted' signs all over his trading unit.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:02 | 4823210 JJdog
JJdog's picture

Dennis the clown losing my Gartman? lol No wonder CNBC is losing viewers, when they constantly have clueless tard on talking BS.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:54 | 4823422 codecode
codecode's picture

Continue to be amazed by people who do not have a clue what's going on in the world... They're certainly not going to hear it from their local News. Our local news has doubled up on weather forecasters - most likely the only thing most people care about.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:05 | 4823226 Chippewa Partners
Chippewa Partners's picture

I don't recall ever meeting anyone who paid Gartman for his newsletter but if one were a freshly minted stockbroker that might be the finest prospecting list one could work.   Talk about dummies! 

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:13 | 4823252 Herdee
Herdee's picture

Well,everybody so far has been dead wrong about the bond market and interest rates.Nobody wants to believe old Bernanke but he already has given his guidance.What's so hard?The U.S. is another basket case and the only thing Bernanke did was to copy Japans' model.He took the easy way out and helped all the banksters on Wall Street that have the biggest interests in controlling the White House,not the average American who has to work and pay bills to the same fiat controlled crooks.Gartman has some good funds and I'm invested for the long haul in the widow-maker trade (look at his gold trade funds),some are long gold in YEN and EUR.He knows the dangers that exist,that's why he's got those types of funds. Other than that,I just consider him to be another trader with his own opinions.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:30 | 4823310 kellycriterion
kellycriterion's picture

As many as %5 of the people in OPM bizzes actually have talent. That doesn't mean employing that talent is optimal strategy for themselves and associates at all times in all situations.

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 11:50 | 4823400 The Most Intere...
The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

Too funny....


...and I have no idea what fucking planet this man is living on....

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 13:10 | 4823670 NotAMathWhiz
NotAMathWhiz's picture

Holy shit, I went to bed last night and the US was a mess, I wake up this morning and everything's fixed!


Wed, 06/04/2014 - 13:16 | 4823689 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Can I get this guy Gartman's shit for free, like a free trial, with no credit card details?

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 13:17 | 4823691 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Can I get this guy Gartman's shit for free, like a free trial, with no credit card details?

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 13:46 | 4823796 Turdy Brown
Turdy Brown's picture

"Help-wanted signs are appearing in store fronts at a pace we’ve not seen in a very long while"

Really???  This guy has to be smoking some real dirty crack.  I mean, what kind of person makes a statement like this?  Really?

I wish that this ass clown would jump off the top of a very high building!!  The guy just has no shame!

Wed, 06/04/2014 - 19:45 | 4825070 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Somewhere on Youtube is a video of a monkey digging a finger into his own asshole, sniffing it and falling out of a tree a microsecond later.
Gartman is the human version of this.

Thu, 06/05/2014 - 13:58 | 4827446 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

"It's always nice to be Sean."   - Dennis Gartman on Fast Money


Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!