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Thursday Humor: Did Amazon Just Unveil "The Magnifying Lens"?
As the world waits with bated breath over the magic time-transporting baby unicorn that Jeff Bezos is teasing us with, we can't help but think the following commercial looks like the product is a magnifying lens and the testers just discovered their wedding-tackle... on the serious side, as long as this new "thing" is cashflow negative then it should be good for another 10-20% in AMZN stock - here's to hoping...
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fleshlight.
Nope, Miley Cyrus' actually disembodied but still animated vagina.
-Chumblez.
Thanks for the vizual. Animated cause it still squirts?
I'll just leave this here.
http://imgur.com/gallery/7EDGK
I'm thinking, maybe, some sort of, like, a "virtual book" that you can read anytime, anywhere
that would be fantastic, especially with vacation coming up and everybody needing to read at the beach
[sound of respirator]
Even the putz Palpatine, er Lord Sidious wouldn't go that low.
[sound of respirator]
My initial thought was some kind of motorized, sentient strap on penis. The dead give-away was when the girl said: "It moved with me.".
Wormz
http://www.thestar.com.my/News/Nation/2014/06/03/Man-buys-penis-enlarger...
And the guy actually reports it!
Bet the boys at the police station had some chuckles over that one.
The boys at the police station already have a penis enlarger. It's the brass shield they wear on their chest...
"Buy me a drink, sailor?" she asks as she leans over, exposing her Amazonian cleavage.
How very invasive. OTOH:
http://headlines.ransquawk.com/headlines/reports-of-a-ukrainian-attack-a...
/reports-of-a-ukrainian-attack-aircraft-entering-the-russian-airspace-over-the-rostov-region-of-russia-05-06-2014
Ruh-roh.
is it too late to call the top?
The ladies were obviously holding something different.
Fucking devolved hunchbacks who run their mouths without making eye contact...
Negative selection in action.
It's a
glasses-free 3D holographic smartphoneLike this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VC472Gx9AwU
duo found a nice one
yelpulus
Now that's funny right there. ROFLMAO!
face on screen looks right at you?
It's a mini money printer that you can take on the go.
So unscripted and genuine, and not cheezy at all. I'm impressed.
We've just gone so far past peak lunacy that all of life has become a caricature of itself.
It's all bad Jewish comedy. You wait for the punchline until you realize the joke was that you actually sat there listening to it.
Not true.
Exhibit A: Blazing Saddles
Sat through it at least 50 times.
Edit: the second part anyway.....first part was dead on.
jeff i am not jewish bozo
presenta
new old stock
the
obarma strap on micro cock
comes in indonesian yellow or kenyan brown or jewish satanic child blood sacrifice red.
for the soccer mom in us all
Cat in the Hat Kitchen Scene HD
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLFn_wD2B8I (2:34)
Is it just me?
Does anyone else notice anything about these people?
Retarded Americans?
Probably Canadians, as they are cheaper to employ in film and TeeVee.
Nah, too many had nose piercings to be Canadian.
Wait til Jack Ma ...Alibaba hits the USA Scene..the Chinese Bezos
all those Amazonian "Independent Sellers"...becauze Jeff, you destroyed my business...
Hey Jeff....Meet JACK MA
They are not even there.
I'll bite, what? They are all thin? They are all looking down? They are all smiling like the Stepford Wives?
gullible?
They are all Amazon employees working on the project projecting false enthusiasm for a gadget that won't really make anyone's life significantly better for an unjustifiably high price? Nope, didn't notice anything.
I do not want to 'notice' anything about these people. Mr WilliamB these people are not noticeable. Just more boring and sophistical smears on a glass plate parading as haute cusine du jour.
I was going to say an ounce of gold, but the masses don't get it,except maybe the Chinese guy.
Cool, something new that I am not going to buy.
If you don't buy it then the trrists win.
Yo Ty, watch this (as punishment?)
US Dollar dominance will end - Chantelle Schieven Interview
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-J90vm21FA (10:37)
…and no, you’re not allowed to put your fingers in your ears and hum. Sorry.
Parallax for People?!
here's what amazons new device does.
it makes and receives calls and you can surf the net if so inclined.
fucking bleeding edge shit coming out of amazon!
Amazon's new smart phone does one better than the NSA! Not only does it record all your conversations, it also tells you what to say!!
In keeping with Bezo's purchase of WaPo, it's called The Mockingbird.
That was really a crisis-actor audition for the next DC US false-flag. They should have focused more on crying instead of surprise and joy. "Crying" seemed to be their week point the last two times.
"I cried when I saw Robbie Parker laugh, as it was then that I knew for sure."
MOAR technology to do the same thing we did in 2005, but instead of a mouse, we use our fingers.
Fabulous.
It's probably the device to chip the entire world population with.
Amazon morons being shown how to tie shoelaces.
I thought there was an app for that... /s
3D Gameboy
+1 for 'bated' instead of 'baited'.
I dono. AMZN with a PE at 504 looks pretty tempting.
http://finance.yahoo.com/q?s=amzn&ql=1
Bezoz going door to door blowing shareholders. I knew it'd come to this.
I've got it. A baby.
It's most likely another nice piece of invasive AI you can carry around with you as it reports to the Utah NSA Data Center.
bingo
probably an amazon phone.
The commercial without sound is hilarious. It does look like they've just found their twig and berries.
it's my legs i had completely forgotten i had them, i just put one foot ahead of the other and they take me places, and i dont have to think, step one step two, it just works awesome
And when you think about it they are incredibly useful!
Ok, I'm a bit out out of the times, but I can take a joke..
but WTF is Amazon?
WHERE ARE THE FLYING CARS?
Go back to when the spy plane Blackbird was introduced, the 60s, now that's advanced technology. The people behind that and all the other great tech inventions of that day must be turning in their graves right now at the state of the technology industry and what they develop.
I bet this Amazon thing is just another screen for kids to send crappy text messages and adults to look at porn (nothing wrong with that). But seriously, is that all they can do?
WHERE ARE THE FLYING CARS?
WHERE ARE THE ROBOTS IN MY HOUSE FOR COOKING, CLEANING, MOWING THE LAWN ETC?
It's not too much to ask is it when we put a man on the moon 45 years ago. Now, THAT'S what I call advancement in tech just 24 years after the 2nd World War where the jet engine wasn't even used and many armies were still relying on horses for their supply routes.
WHERE ARE THE FLYING CARS?
The tech industry, how you've let us all down...
If you think about it the answer is contained in the question, sort of. You expect flying cars because we went to the moon 45 years ago but if we didn't put a man on the moon 45 years ago that's why we don't have flying cars now. Rather simple really.
A man was put on the moon 45 years ago, then another and then about 10 more. Humans can't keep secrets, or at least most of them can't and the faking of the moon landings would probably be the biggest story of the last 100 years, so it would come out especially as there's big money to be made.
It's not so much about flying planes, it's more about the fact that almost nothing earth shattring has been invented over the last 50-100 years that changed mankind. Think the car, the jet airplane, the telephone, electicity, computers, nuclear, lasers, radar, radio, tv and so on. The world was using many them 50-100 years ago.
All we seem to have today is new better develped screens and apps where you can post pircures of yourself jacking off, or showing your tits. Where are the big invesntions that change the world, where in nucelar fusion, that could cure world poverty almost overnight, it's still '20 years away' and 20 years ago it was '20 years away'.
As for Robots, what a joke. I watched a program recently about a robot developed by the South Koeran MIT, South Korea is one of the top 5 most advanced countries these days, especially when it comes to tech. This robot was desinged to cut carrots and cucumbers, it was painful to watch and we're talking about cutting vegtables. Go back to the 60s, if we'd ask those people where the current tech sector would be 50 years later, they'd be shocked at how little we've done.
One of the only industries that does seem very advanced over the last 50 years is medical. As for everything else, all we can look forward to it seems is more pixels in our smart phones, and hell, even the signal on those seems no better than when my dad had a car phone in 1988.
Where are the flying cars -
Another good example is those lawn cutting robots, they look great on paper but then you realise that they're so stupid you have to take the time to bury a small wire all around the edge of your lawn so the mower knows where to stop. And in the UK they want about £2,000!
Sorry, but it's not too much to ask, after they put a man on the moon 45 years ago that for £2,000 you get a robot mower able to learn itself how to cut your lawn. This is a classic example of how far we haven't come when it comes to general tech.
At this current speed of development we'll all have to wait about 50 years to get a robot that can cook us a boiled egg in the morning, then we'll probably have to take a few days to teach it.
Kelly Johnson, a great American, is probably spinning in his grave at how useless the general tech industry is, unless he liked sending soon-to-detonate photos of his dick to strangers via snapchat, assuming the connection of his smartphoe doesn't breakup.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelly_Johnson_%28engineer%29
Fuck Amazon! It is hard to see why Amazon has any fans when you consider how they abuse and exploit the brick and mortar stores that line streets throughout America. These are the stores that employ our family members, support little league teams in the community, and add value to our lives.
These stores build or lease space, buy supplies from the other local businesses, and pay both sales and real-estate taxes. While Amazon sends out the signal that their customers are smart, forward thinking, and upscale they exploit America and have an evil side, this is a side we should and must recognize. The article below delves into why I give Amazon two thumbs down.
http://brucewilds.blogspot.com/2013/10/amazon-not-answer.html