The NSA Is Seeking To Fill A Cyber Intelligence Analyst Position In Its Hawaii Location

Tyler Durden's picture

In a world in which the Twitter account of one secret government agency, the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, jokes about the topic of abuse of secrecy and personal privacy - something which back in the day resulted in the impeachment of a US president - in broad public daylight, a year after the US "turnkey totalitarian state" has been exposed for all to see...

... it can be difficult to evaluate what in this banana republic is a grotesque farce and what is reality.

The following job posting from the NSA, however, seeking an experienced Cyber Intelligence Analyst for the Honolulu, Hawaii location, is all too real. 

Which makes us wonder: is this merely an attempt by the NSA - whose every last secret is being slowly but surely revealed - to unburn bridges with the most infamous Hawaii-based NSA operative in history? Or, alternatively, is it time for another patriotic whistleblower to step in Edward's shoes?

From the NSA:

Responsibilities
     
NSA Intelligence Analysts also support cyber! Intelligence Analysts seek creative solutions to answer cyber-related analytic questions, demonstrate a thorough understanding of the telecommunications environment and network trends of their targets, solve difficult technical problems, work independently and collaborate effectively in cyber analysis and research, apply new techniques to solve analytic problems, prepare written and oral assessments of foreign intelligence that provide unique insight into target cyber intentions unavailable from other intelligence disciplines.

NSA Intelligence Analysts perform a wide range of analytic tasks, including the following: maintain awareness of emerging cyber-related technologies; research relevant technical sources for information on foreign intelligence targets; develop query strategies to obtain relevant information; identify communication patterns; determine tactics, techniques, and procedures for intrusion sets; assess validity and relevance of foreign intelligence; profile foreign targets and their activities; report target research outcomes to customers; perform target discovery by developing strategies to obtain new information and sources for intelligence; and/or monitor target data for changes or anomalies. Additionally, NSA Intelligence Analysts are expected to take an inclusive approach to problem solving and mission accomplishments by frequently engaging with partners, enablers and customers across the Intelligence Community.

Skills

Applicants with 5 or more years of hands-on Intelligence Analysis cryptologic (SIGINT) experience will be reviewed against current open cyber-related Intelligence Analysis positions. Applicants should be well-rounded full performance SIGINT intelligence analysts with current knowledge about SIGINT tools, techniques and applications. In addition, familiarity with telecommunications, computer networks, quantitative analysis techniques and previous exposure to data analysis is highly desirable.

Qualifications

Entry is with a High School Diploma and 6 years experience, an Associate's Degree and 4 years of experience, a Bachelor's Degree and 2 years of experience, a Master's Degree and 1 year of experience, or a Doctoral Degree and no experience.
Degree can be in any field.
Experience performing cryptanalytic or cryptologic work.
Intelligence Analysis experience.
Experience with telecommunications or computer networks.
Technical work involving data analysis.
Data processing experience.

Academic Requirements:
Degree in areas listed below are preferred but not required.

Bachelors or Master's degree in areas such as:
Int'l Relations, Int'l Studies, Int'l Security, Int'l Affairs, Global Studies, Security & Intelligence Studies, Political Science, Regional Studies (such as Middle East, Russia, China, Korea, etc), Geospatial/Geography, Topical studies (such as cyber security, counter-proliferation, counterterrorism, international crime, , etc), or Finance/International Economics.

Coursework, knowledge or previous experience in the following areas is highly desirable: cyber security, computer forensics, computer science, computer networks, telecommunications, quantitative analysis, statistical analysis, data modeling, comparative analysis, data mining, data science, social networking analysis, and/or computational data analysis.

Desired overall GPA 3.0+ (Transcripts are reviewed for relevant coursework and grades).

Qualifications/Experience

Proven hands-on SIGINT Intelligence Analyst skills required. Applicants should be able to make an immediate positive impact on cyber mission with little-to-no training.

How To Apply - External

To apply for this position, please click the 'Apply Now' button located at the top or bottom of this page.  After completing the application and clicking the 'Submit Final' button, you will receive a confirmation email.  Emails regarding your application status will be sent periodically.  Please ensure your spam filters are configured to accept emails from noreply@nsa.gov.

***PLEASE NOTE:

U.S. Citizenship is required for all applicants.  Reasonable accommodations provided to applicants with disabilities during the application and hiring process where appropriate.  NSA is an equal opportunity employer and abides by applicable employment laws and regulations.  All applicants and employees are subject to random drug testing in accordance with Executive Order 12564.  Employment is contingent upon successful completion of a security background investigation and polygraph.

This position is a Defense Civilian Intelligence Personnel System (DCIPS) position in the Excepted Service under 10 U.S.C. 1601. DoD Components with DCIPS positions apply Veterans' Preference to eligible candidates as defined by Section 2108 of Title 5 USC, in accordance with the procedures provided in DoD Instruction 1400.25, Volume 2005, DCIPS Employment and Placement. If you are a veteran claiming veterans' preference, as defined by Section 2108 of Title 5 U.S.C., you must submit documents verifying your eligibility with your application package.

DCIPS Disclaimer

The National Security Agency (NSA) is part of the DoD Intelligence Community Defense Civilian Intelligence Personnel System (DCIPS).  All positions in the NSA are in the Excepted Services under 10 United States Codes (USC) 1601 appointment authority.

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tony bonn's picture

probably to cover up the murder of obama sychophant loretta fuddy.

insanelysane's picture

They must have been waiting thinking the last guy was going to come back.

knukles's picture

A doctoral degree and no experience
Fuck me...

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson qualifications

 

Jesus Christ, the moment I got there I knew there'd be trouble to pay.  Bats.  The fucking place was full of bats.  Hanging, beeping, gurgling.  Pecking at their feet.   Flying, swooping and diving all over the place, like a great kinetic kaleidoscope for one's head to feast upon, but scary, getting caught in the wool fabric of the chairs where we were supposed to sit.  Tearing and biting to get free.  I should a taken that as an omen.  But it was only my first impression, like an overwhelming rush of adrenaline, suggesting that the flight syndrome should be kicking in high gear.  But I snapped out of it when whomever it was supposed to be in charge asked me about my qualifications.  God God, man, I was qualified to work in any madhouse they wanted.  More than qualified, I was comfortable.  Even in Barstow during the summer.

mjcOH1's picture

"Experience performing cryptanalytic or cryptologic work.
Intelligence Analysis experience.
Experience with telecommunications or computer networks.
Technical work involving data analysis.
Data processing experience."

 

Somewhere in a GRU safe house, there's a hipster who's a perfect match for these requirements.

SoberOne's picture

US citizenship required, unlIke POTUS.

Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

Can the person seeking the job in the interview ask what happened to the last person in this position?

SoilMyselfRotten's picture

Have a feelin my piss test is gonna be an issue....then again, they probably know that

Newsboy's picture

Hey, that's MY job!

 

Oops

 

shit

Yen Cross's picture

 LMFAO!  Knuks, not everyone is  "20-20" iF YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

stant's picture

When the going gets weird the weird turn pro. A modern updated would insert full retard

TeamDepends's picture

If she resembled Jodie Foster, and had sailing experience....

alexcojones's picture

I know a guy who knows a guy in Moscow.

Might be interested.

Says he once worked in Intel.

Name escapes me now; Ed-Something-or-Other.

CPL's picture

Why would they?  They got paid to fly to hawaii.  Hawaii's got everything there.  Beach, bbq, great hats and pretty girls.  Why spend it in an office sink as a desk jockey in one of the most beautiful place on the planet? 

Because if some fools flew you out.  It would be the perfect time to quit as soon as you hit the tarmac and get slack on a beach somewhere.  Put the whole project under Double fisted Electronic Intelligence field work while reviewing the latest in international bikini standards.

Remember.  Apply once and apply often to see the world.

(And just cause you get the job doesn't mean you have to give a rats ass what the SOW is.  Because some fools sent you to Hawaii on their dime and time.  Win-win in that situation.  Well, if you are a Coyote.  If the employer, well they are SOL.   But meh, what they pay wasn't going to stay worth anything anyways and loyality only lasts as long as the value of what is given stays valuable.)

rubiconsolutions's picture

Where do I send my resume? Oh yeah, you all probably harvested that from my computer already. Turn on my camera so you can see what I look like.

 

zerozulu's picture

NSA thinks Snowden is stupid enough to apply for this job, again.

Dick Buttkiss's picture

Yes, one must always bear this in mind:

No matter how many of "the best and the brightest" it lures into its service — i.e., no matter what it stuffs into a neocortex that it does not possess — the state, being an inherently predatory and parasitic entity, is completely under the control of its reptile brain.

It is, and always will be, the nature of this beast.

Which is why, until the day that it is rendered extinct, it can kiss my ass.

COSMOS's picture

http://www.businessinsider.com/ex-kgb-spy-the-russians-tricked-snowden-2...

The character assassination of Snowden never stops, just like with those jailhouse informants, they got some ex KGB spy who defected who supposedly is in touch with his old pals in the KGB (and they tell him everything) LOL, to try to taint Snowden.

They are trying to deflect the issue, all I know is he is just talking through his ass while Snowden has provided concrete proof of the illegal activities of the NSA.

Colonel Klink's picture

Additional job requirements:  Must have no morals, ethics, conscience, or any human qualities within them.

Must be willing to violate the US Constitution upon command

Must be able to keep their mouth shut

Must turn in their passport

Must be willing to be disavowed if discovered and accept their punishment from the Hague tribunal for crimes against humanity.

Other scumbaggery as required.

Yen Cross's picture

 Dik suking "Ivy League" referrals welcome;

Colonel Klink's picture

Obama must have slipped that one in there.

rubiconsolutions's picture

And....must be able to learn Russian.

malek's picture

No, no, no! "Can have morals, ethics, conscience - preferably several sets to choose from."

TeamDepends's picture

Must enjoy "Maui Wowie" and all things NSA PG 17.9.  Also, and perhaps this is top secret "Your eyes wish they could see this", you just simply can't be "that guy".

Seasmoke's picture

Reference: 

Edward Snowden.  Somewhere between Siberia and Moscow Russia. Phone # Ask for Vladamir. 

All others available upon request. 

Yen Cross's picture

  Viva Edward Snowden!

NoPantsSpongeBob's picture

Coursework, knowledge or previous experience in the following areas is highly desirable: cyber security, computer forensics, computer science, computer networks, telecommunications, quantitative analysis, statistical analysis, data modeling, comparative analysis, data mining, data science, social networking analysis, and/or computational data analysis.

 

Yet they hired Snowden who was a community college drop-out. Nothing against ES but I always wondered how does a GED receipient get hired into a decently paid position (200K/yr) that lets him travel to places like Switzerland for work.

TeethVillage88s's picture

Someone in the system like a relative vouched for him. That is how John Perkins got in.

holdbuysell's picture

This is what comes to mind when I think about those employed at the NSA:

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." - Upton Sinclair

Jendrzejczyk's picture

The chick that vouched for  Snowden @ Booze just got a new job in oil country. They're just looking to fill  a space.

just-my-opinion's picture

OK....the obvious response is

 

Shit....I didn't raise my hand up fast enuff...8^)

Bastiat's picture

Please let them hire the "Doctorate with no experience."

rwe2late's picture

applications can be submitted as follows:

NSA@ www. (any website)

ebworthen's picture

In a sane world they'd rehire Snowden with a 10% pay raise and allow him to be a columnist for both The Guradian and the Washington Post.

1stepcloser's picture

I hate to see that poly interview.

So do you believe in the constitution.

Yes!

Next please!

grunk's picture

Is this a smoking or non-smoking office?

I sure as hell will not bring down governments and/or destroy the lives of public and private individuals if I'm forced inhale second-hand smoke.

I have standards. 

Robot Traders Mom's picture

Requirements: As an 'asset', you may be required to appear publicly as a disinformation agent.

www.TopTheNews.com

Yen Cross's picture

 Robo? I love your Avatar after almost (4) years. I laugh my ass off. Do you like these guys Robo?

  Limp Bizkit!  History Repeats Bitchez!

Dublinmick's picture

Fukushima projections are that Hawaii will be unliveable in five years due to continuing deposits of radiation on sea and shore. I can't imagine why they would have trouble filling that job. /sark

Emergency Ward's picture

Fuck ME!  I am qualified for $150,000 a year with full bennies in OAHU!  Fuck, I promise I won't leak very much and I swear no whistle-blowing, you can give me a fucking lie detector test and a drug test and everything.  And I can be pretty fucking stupid too if necessary -- I'm really good at looking the other way.  All right, God damn it, ALL RIGHT!

COSMOS's picture

Damn EW you are good for not just the hire but an INSTANT promotion. And you get a lifetime supply of Toilet Paper with the Constitution printed on it.

Yen Cross's picture

 You're effin El Capitan "potus El' General".

Colonel Klink's picture

Leaker of the year gets a free drive by wire Mercedes equiped with remote explosive device.

Joe A's picture

Other requirements: Hate your fellow human beings, be a sociopath and psychopath, be able to spot sarcasm.

NidStyles's picture

That last one is the biggest one. If you can't detect sarcasm you might have an issue with knowing whether or not you're dealing with the real thing.

Joe A's picture

They will have a problem establishing if the candidate can detect sarcasm for they don't have that skill themselves. I can imagine that they have whole committees and working group working out what exactly sarcasm is.

7againstThebes's picture

Important requirement:  must be willing to put the interst of Israel above all else, and be willing to see all raw data that you collect to the Mossad first.